Chapter Text
March
Many things come to mind when people talk about Joel Hokka, but “family man” is the last thought to show up.
The man is a rockstar by heart - he wears his hair long and messy, he smokes like a freight train and drinks like there’s no tomorrow, and he never sleeps. He’s dedicated the last decade of his life to his band, touring around Europe and setting his sights on taking over the United States. He’s rarely ever home, and when he is, the place is a typical mess.
Joel was set on becoming a permanent bachelor until you met a couple years ago. You were set up on a blind date by a mutual friend during a break from his hectic touring schedule. You found him to be charming and witty and you couldn’t wait to see how you grew together. Granted, your relationship has had its fair share of ups and downs. And yet, despite the downs, you’ve found Joel to be the only man for you.
It was endearing to watch the way Joel interacted with his bandmate’s daughter. For the last two and a half years, Sohvi Porko has reigned supreme as the baby of the band, collecting all the attention and love from her uncles and dad. She's certainly spoiled and quite the handful sometimes, but she's a kind child and an absolute darling. You came into her life when she was only a couple months old, so she treats you like her aunt. Her new sibling was due to arrive in August, but for now she enjoyed her time as an only child.
Tonight was yours and Joel’s turn to babysit. Her parents had gone out for the evening to celebrate their one-year wedding anniversary. Normally Joel would never be the first to volunteer, but he surprised both you and Joonas when he agreed.
Joel loves Sohvi and considers her to be like his own niece, but he’s not always the best with her. Sometimes he’s exhausted, and sometimes he just has a bad mental health day and needs alone time in bed. He doesn’t have the most patience with her, but later on he confesses to you in private that he genuinely feels bad for that. Sometimes he wishes that he could be more affectionate with her and not feel like he’s exhausting himself in the process. He’s not the most paternal person on the planet - far from it - and he’s honest with that.
But tonight, you couldn’t help but notice how cute he was, reading to her while she sat on his lap. She was shouting out the names of the animals in the book while he cheered her on and encouraged her to keep going. At dinner, he helped you feed her and clean up afterwards. He wore a soft smile when she leaned closer to him for a hug.
“Ah, bring it in here,” he muttered as he held her close. “Getting sleepy?”
Sohvi nodded. “Where’s isä ?”
“They’ll be here soon to pick you up. Are you getting bored of Uncle Joel yet?” She didn’t respond as she put her head down on his shoulder. He was reclined back in his seat, one hand holding her up while the other ran through the curly locks of hair that she got from her dad. They looked like they were at peace with each other, and you couldn’t help but snap a picture of it.
Joel saw you out of the corner of his eye and winked. “So it’ll last longer?”
“Maybe. Too shy to let people know you can be soft too?”
He didn’t say another word as he closed his eyes and patted his hand on her back. For a brief moment, you had a vision of this moment with a child of your own. Sohvi was nice to have around, but she was on borrowed time and you knew that. Joel may not have been willing to admit it, but he would make a better father than he trusted himself to be.
A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door and Sohvi sprang awake. “ Isä !” she shouted as she quickly climbed off Joel’s chair and ran to the door, beating him to it.
“Hold on, hold on, I know you want to see them,” Joel said through a laugh as he got the door unlocked.
Joonas walked into the room and barely greeted Joel as he reached down to pick up Sohvi. “Did you miss me that much?” He laughed and gave her a kiss on her cheek.
“Dude, she was just asking about you 10 minutes ago. I thought she just wanted to get away from me.” Joel gave Kirsten a hug and guided her to a comfortable spot on the couch. “But how was dinner?”
“Fantastic,” Kirsten started as she settled into Joonas’ side. “Joonas really outdid himself picking out the place.” Despite the late hour, Joonas, Kirsten, and Sohvi stayed for a short visit in your apartment. As much as she wanted to see her parents again, Sohvi seemed sad to be letting you and Joel go… Well, mostly Joel.
“Hey, don’t cry,” he said to her in a small voice. “We can hang out another time, okay?”
“Okay,” she answered as Joonas picked her up again. Soon they were out the door, and you realized just how quiet it was now. Even the TV was nothing in comparison to the sounds of Sohvi laughing and playing. The silence was kind of a relief, but you wished you could have more.
Joel sat back down on the couch beside you and placed an arm gently around your shoulders. “That was fun, wasn’t it?”
You nodded without a word, something obviously weighing on your mind. Joel caught on quickly, not one to let it pass by. “What’s wrong? I thought you liked hanging out with Sohvi.”
“I mean, I do, but I’m thinking of something totally different.” You grabbed the TV remote and turned the volume all the way down. “I have a question for you.”
“Oh, that’s never good.” He was sarcastic, but you let it roll off your shoulders.
“Do you like kids?”
You could see the blank expression of deep thought growing on Joel’s face. For a second, you were concerned that you may have broken him. “I don’t know. I like Sohvi but kids in general can be pretty exhausting. Why do you ask?”
“Would you ever consider having any?” His face read nothing but panic. You regretted ever bringing it up to him if that was how he was going to respond to it. No wonder this conversation had never crossed your mind. “Are you okay, Joel?”
His mouth gaped open and closed for a few seconds longer. “I mean, I guess? It’s just not something I’ve ever thought about. I honestly don’t think I’d be a good one and it’s not worth ruining some poor kid’s life to find out if I am.”
That was disheartening to hear. Not that it was an automatic no, but that Joel lacked the self-confidence to comfortably say yes. You wanted him to give an honest answer, regardless of the direction he took. Maybe it was because Joel could be extremely insecure in himself sometimes.
“Okay, I see.” You tried your best not to sound disappointed. But it was a failed venture as he asked you to explain. “You see, after watching how you interacted with Sohvi tonight, I… never mind, forget that I said anything.”
Joel wouldn’t leave it at that, smirking and lightly squeezing your arm. “I think I know where this is going. You’ve got a little bit of baby fever, don’t you?”
You blushed and hid your face with your hands. “You could say something like that, yeah.”
Joel sat in silence and just stared at you with a soft smile on his face. “Cute… but are you sure we’re even ready?”
“Well, we don’t have to make a decision right now. I just wanted to see where you stood on it.”
He nodded and sighed. “Yeah, give me some time to think about it, and I’ll get back to you. Until then, are you ready for bed soon?” With his help, you stood up and made your way together to your shared bedroom. It was a little small and messy, but comfortable with the dark walls and blackout curtains. When you first came here, you thought that Joel was actually a vampire in disguise. But now, you’ve come to appreciate the darkness that helps you fall asleep faster.
With your teeth brushed and the lights turned off, the two of you finally found a quiet place, you in sleep and Joel in his thoughts.
He lied awake in silence as he contemplated your question from earlier. Would he ever want to be a father? It was one of those either-or scenarios: either you were 100 percent for it, or totally against it. Choosing the wrong answer could make or break everyone involved. While Joel was not all the way there yet, he knew he would be someday. It sounded stressful, but as he held you while you slept peacefully, he made up his mind that you were the only person he wanted this with. And it may have been an impulsive decision, but he needed to tell you.
“Hey,” he whispered as he gently shook you awake. It was 2:53 AM and he hadn’t had a minute of sleep.
“What?” You didn’t mean to sound snappy with him, but he had a lot of nerve to pull you from a deep sleep like this.
“Hey, sorry to wake you up, but I’ve made up my mind, y’know, about the whole kids thing?”
“Hm, please tell me more at this unholy hour.”
He knew you were being sarcastic, but he continued. “I want it, and I want them with you. I’m not ready yet, but I’m getting there, and I want to start as soon as we can.”
If it was any other time, you would have jumped for joy that he’d agreed. But you had an afternoon shift to cover tomorrow and the excitement could wait.
“That’s great, love! Unfortunately, I have to get some rest for work, so tell me again in the morning.”
Joel rolled his eyes and slid closer to you. “I gueeeeess,” he whined. “But I’m holding you to it.”
You hummed and fell back asleep, letting his words play in your mind. You were eager to build a family with him, but sleep was more important to you right now.
Six hours later, you awoke to the feeling of Joel’s lips on your neck, trailing light kisses across the bare skin exposed by his t-shirt being too large on you. His fingers slipped under the shirt, leaving behind soft lines across your stomach and making you shiver. “Joel? Are you dreaming again?”
He shook his head no. “Remember last night? Well, I’m holding you to it.” He held you closer and continued to kiss you, his breath heavy in your ear. His voice was so deep and raspy that you just wanted him to keep talking to you. “If you’re ready, that is.”
You remembered that Joel spilled his answer to you at an unreasonable time. And just like last night, you would normally tell him that you needed to save your energy for work later. But the look in his eyes was driving you crazy. It was desperate, loving, and gentle all in one. You didn’t think he would take this so seriously.
And you would have been a damn, crazy fool for passing up the opportunity to have morning sex with this man. It’s the only time he doesn’t completely ravage your body while chasing a high. This morning, he was impatient, his lips eager to meet yours as he rolled you over onto your back. His weight was a comfort as you thought about why you were here.
He was already shirtless, as he usually sleeps. You grasped for every piece of available skin while he thrusted gently onto you, his growing bulge painfully obvious through his boxers. You began to wonder if he'd dreamed of this moment after he fell asleep last night.
He finally broke away his kiss to meet you face to face. "Christmas?" he asked.
You were confused; December was almost a full year away. "What do you mean?"
"We can have a baby by Christmas. Does that sound like a plan?" He held your face gently, his breath staggered and his movements calculated. He knew every motion that would drive you crazy and make you want more from him.
You weren't quite sure how to explain to him that it's not always that easy. Maybe he thought so because Joonas managed to get lucky twice. But he had so much hope and determination in his eyes that you couldn't consciously break his heart. So you agreed wholeheartedly and let him continue his pursuit of passion.
Joel didn’t warn you, however, that you had a long morning ahead of you for as long as you were still in bed with him. Once, twice, three times - he was an animal with an insatiable appetite. He barely gave you a chance to breathe until both of your bodies were completely spent. Maybe you were better off just calling in sick today.