Chapter Text
“(Y/N), I’m begging you — PLEASE go on this double date with me and Maki-san,” Kugisaki’s on her knees, tugging at your skirt in front of a Daiso.
The people around you turn their heads to look at the commotion as they pass by, and the attention draws red to your face. Kugisaki truly knows no shame when it comes to getting what she wants.
“Kugisaki, please get up. This is embarrassing,” you scold her as you try to pry her manicured fingers off you.
“Go with me then.”
“I don’t wanna third wheel you and Maki.”
“You won’t be alone! You can take someone with you so it’s less unbearable!” You’ve barely salvaged your skirt from being shredded by Kugisaki’s claws, but unfortunately, Kugisaki’s a Leo. She’s not stopping until she hears a definitive yes.
You give her a half-assed hum in hopes that she gives up the topic and saves it for later, but Kugisaki knows that if she doesn’t publicly humiliate you, you’ll never agree. So, she steps it up a little.
She stands up, yelling for everyone who just wanted to shop peacefully in the district to hear: “So that 10 inch scaled, VIBRATING, Dragon Dildo you bought in that shop just now-“
You slap a hand over her mouth, panicked from the idea of further embarrassment as you acquiesce, “Fine! I’ll go, just PLEASE stop talking.”
At your words, Kugisaki smirks. Step one complete, she thinks.
The commotion between you has dwindled down, and you both sit at the nearest cafe, discussing the details of the double date. The waitress who’s definitely not making enough money to smile in a maid outfit for eight hours straight serves your latte and a Frappuccino for the menace in front of you.
“Kugisaki, I don’t even know who I’d bring to this double date.”
She takes a drink of her caramel frap before answering, “Anyone! It can be the first person that comes to your mind! Doesn’t even have to be a romantic date. Just anyone.”
You rack your brain for a list of people that would make third-wheeling Kugisaki and her girlfriend a lot more bare-able. You immediately think of the resident salmon-haired finger eater at JujuTech. Itadori’s an excellent choice in your opinion. He’ll be able to ease any of the awkwardness that comes with double dates no problem, and he’s quite attentive to other’s feelings. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or left out, he’ll make it a point to talk to you and include you in the conversation. Considering Kugisaki and Maki tend to get wrapped up in their own world, Itadori is a fantastic choice.
“Itadori. I’ll ask him later tonight.” You tell Kugisaki with a soft smile, and your heart feels a bit lighter about the upcoming date. You pick up your latte, and a crease forms on your forehead. It’s not as hot as you wanted, but you take a drink anyways.
Kugisaki groans in annoyance. “(Y/N). Blegh, and he’s busy that day.”
You raise an eyebrow; you’re not entirely sure what Itadori’s done to deserve a noise of disgust, but you don’t bite.
If he’s busy, then he’s busy.
You think of Fushiguro next, who, really, would have been your first choice, considering you’re a lot closer with the raven-haired boy than you are with Itadori. The only reason he wasn’t the first choice was that the double date was his textbook definition of a nightmare. Fushiguro wouldn’t really mind going on a date with you — platonic or not — but really, the issue stems from Kugisaki. He’d very much rather cannonball through another set of tall buildings in Japan than go on a date with Nobara Kugisaki within a 5-mile radius of him.
If he’s to go on a date, he wants Nobara Kugisaki chained in her room with no possibility of escaping. He says it’s for the betterment of society and his mental health, but you have an inkling it comes from the time Kugisaki and Itadori followed Fushiguro on his very first date. The night ended with a criminal charge and no prospect of a second date. You’re quite muddy on the details as you heard it second-hand from Megumi himself, but you remember the disgruntled boy telling you Kugisaki’s infamous line that drove his poor date away: “You went for the wrong Fushiguro, girlie. Let me show you his dad.”
Kugisaki proceeded to pull out her phone and revealed a hefty 50 photo collection of Toji Fushiguro in her iCloud. Megumi's not sure what happened after that, but the police report says one or two witnesses saw a bird of lightning despite it not being seen on the CCTVs. Another witness says they saw a nail fly across the shop, but a large majority of the witnesses denied ever seeing one.
You know that this double date with Kugisaki and Maki is most likely harmless (at least, you hope it is), and there’s a 65% chance a criminal charge won’t happen this time. You’ll ask Fushiguro to accompany you then, and just deal with his pouting and grunting.
“Okay. Fushiguro it is. I know he’s free on Thursday, and I don’t think he’ll mind coming with.”
“(Y/N), you are so stupid it hurts. Wrong answer. Pick someone else.” She doesn’t groan at your choice this time. Instead she scoffs, crossing her arms and picking at her manicure.
“Kugisaki, I didn’t even know there was a right answer.”
Kugisaki hums. You’re right. In normal circumstances, there is no right answer, and you’re free to bring whoever you want with you on this double date. But unfortunately, Nobara Kugisaki is a Leo, and this is not a normal circumstance. She’s got ulterior motives and a particular goal in mind: get you and Inumaki together.
Kugisaki’s intuition has always been eerily on point, especially when it comes to relationships and gossip. She’s had an inkling the two of you were head over heels with each other. If her ginseng tea leaves didn’t tell her, then it was definitely the peculiar hangouts you have with Inumaki.
Too many times you’ve ditched your hangouts with Kugisaki last-minute to hang out with Inumaki. She usually doesn’t mind; she could always bully Itadori into being her bag boy. But imagine her surprise when she stumbles upon the two of you having a picnic in the gardens one day. She’s appalled you ditched a BFF Friday to end up sitting between Inumaki’s legs, back leaning against his chest as you two eat.
The weirdest part was the conversation, or perhaps, lack thereof. The two of you were completely silent, simply basking in each other’s presence. No texting, no writing, no talking. Just the sound of the wind rustling through the trees and the occasional wrinkling of a chip bag as Inumaki feeds you a Dorito. For the entire two-hour duration Kugisaki eavesdropped on your hangout, absolutely no conversation was made. Just silence.
One occurrence isn’t enough to bring Kugisaki to the conclusion that you’re both weird as fuck, but to her luck, it happens again when she followed you on your ice cream date with Inumaki! The only words spoken were your ice cream orders, and the rest of the date was met with silence. There weren’t any inconspicuous, loving looks between the two of you, but there’s no way you could just enjoy someone’s presence without being in love with them.
Not only that, but Inumaki never NOT speaks in onigiri ingredients. The only times Kugisaki’s ever heard real words come out of his mouth were when using his technique, and upon your arrival to Jujutsu Tech with the Dog Incident. You must have made a phenomenal first impression on the boy if he introduced himself and called you pretty in a single breath.
Kugisaki’s still gathering her evidence, but these two alone are sufficient to prove her claims.
Back to your current conversation, the ginger haired girl pipes up, “How about Inumaki-senpai! I’m pretty sure he’d love to go with you!” She bats her eyelashes, hoping that you don’t suspect a single thing.
And you don’t; your heart’s too busy fluttering at the idea of going on a date with Inumaki — even if Kugisaki and Maki will be there.
“I don’t know. Wouldn’t that be kind of weird?”
Kugisaki raises an eyebrow at your hesitance, shoving a macaron into her mouth. “Giving him a leash and dog treats wasn’t weird, but a double date is?” She states midbite, cheeks full of sweet, sweet macaron.
At the awful reminder, heat rushes to your cheeks. You take a drink of your latte to cover the faint red spreading across your face, but Kugisaki’s already noticed.
“You guys passed the line of weird weeks ago. Just ask him for me, okay?” Kugisaki smiles, mischief in her voice as she wraps an around your upper arm, soothing you. You feel quite queasy looking at her, but you smile back anyways as she changes the topic to Prada’s god-awful Spring 2021 collection.
The room has become unbearably musty as you, Itadori, Inumaki, and Kugisaki study for the Japanese Literature exam the next day. The sweat from the stress, from the four bodies cramming into a space intended for two, and from the thought of asking the boy next to you out on Kugisaki’s double date with Maki.
The room is silent for a solid 5 minutes before Itadori bangs his head on the table and groans, the thud shaking the entire table.
“If I have to read another word of this, I’m eating ass.”
Another pang of silence, as Itadori lifts his head and reads a random character off his page, “Word.”
He smirks, making eye contact with each individual in the room, “Alright guys, who’s first?”
His eyes stop at yours as he waggles his eyebrows.
Kugisaki snorts before smacking the back of his head with a book, a small “Ow!” leaving his lips as he brings a hand to comfort the area.
“Finish the damn chapter so we can start math.”
The two of them start to bicker as Itadori complains, and your eyes crinkle in joy, amused at their antics. You interrupt their clown to clown communication to ask Itadori a question.
“Hey, Yuuji. What are you doing this Thursday? I didn’t know you had plans.” You ask with a pout. Itadori always knows how to lift your mood, and you’re a bit sad he’s not going to be able to join you on the double date with Nobamaki.
Just as Itadori tunes out whatever insult spews out of Kugisaki’s mouth, his eyebrows furrow in confusion.
“Huh? What are you talking about? I’m not doing anything this Thu- Ow!” You hear a thud under the table, and Itadori bends to comfort the pain throbbing in his shin.
Kugisaki pulls his ear down and snarling a, “Play along.”
Inumaki internally sighs. He’s lucky that being around you is completely worth dealing with Dumb and Dumber. You’re the honorary Dumbest, but he thinks it’s endearing. Really, it only applies to common sense, social situations. The only other person who beats you in grades at the Tokyo School is Fushiguro — not that it’s a huge feat to beat Itadori and Kugisaki in grades, but still, you’re quite brilliant.
To be truthful, Inumaki’s not even sure why Kugisaki asked him to tutor you three on Japanese Literature of all topics. Not only were his grades sub-par and consistently below average, but he suspects it might be difficult to explain Haikus and Kanji when his vocabulary is limited to onigiri ingredients.
If Inumaki knows anything about the first years though, he knows that Kugisaki and Itadori are meddlers.
“Uh — I mean, I’m not doing anything that you need to know. I’m very busy and it’s very none-of-your-business, (Y/N).” Itadori corrects himself, tutting his head.
You slouch and pout, a bit hurt that one of your closest friends said his activities were none of your business. You eye Kugisaki, who’s trying to discreetly look at Inumaki as a, “ask him right here!” signal but fails as she shakes her entire body in the cursed-speech user’s direction.
Inumaki’s lids drop to half-mast, unamused at the chaos going on. Sixteen years of essentially being non-verbal, and he’s got body language and cues down to a T. He can practically read Kugisaki and know she’s up to no good.
Kugisaki’s given up on using eye signals; instead, she very loudly whispers, “Ask him now!”
You wince at how loud Kugisaki’s voice resonates throughout the tiny room anyways as you turn to Inumaki.
“Toge, I-, uh. What are you, erm, doing this Thursday..?” You stammer, cheeks flushing a bright red, and suddenly your mind darts back to when you handed him a basket with dog treats.
“Bonito flakes.”
Itadori’s biting his nails, anticipating your next question. He’s definitely going to geek out about how cute you and Inumaki are after this.
“Would you, uh… like to.. well.. come t-“
“COME WITH (Y/N) AS HER DATE WITH ME AND MAKI!” Kugisaki finishes, frustrated at your slowness. “Jesus fucking Christ, (Y/N). We don’t have forever! The date’s this Thursday, not in five years.”
Kugisaki slumps in her chair in exhaustion, as if your nervousness about asking Inumaki out was a burden on her.
The sorcerer with the lilac eyes says nothing; only staring at you. He thinks you’re pretty — with the way your eyelashes kiss your cheeks as you look down in mortification, a rosy hue garnishing the usual warmth of your skin. He wants to be sure you’re asking him with the intention to date him, not because Kugisaki held you at hammer-point, or whatever tactic she used to get you to acquiesce. Kugisaki’s a meddler after all.
After a minute or two of silence, your eyes finally meet his, your hands fumbling together in anticipation for his response.
“Well..? Whaddya say..?” You inquire meekly. Bingo. He's sure you want this.
“Salmon.”