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It was raining when they reached Nibelheim.
As it was too late for them to accomplish anything, they’d decided to retire for the night at the town’s inn. It had been too long since they’d had a reprieve from the stiff bunks aboard the Highwind, and they were all looking forward to sleeping on proper mattresses.
Even though this was a non-essential detour in their mission, not a soul had complained about the deviation. And for that, Tifa was grateful to her team. Cloud needed this, and to a lesser extent, so did she.
The first time they’d passed through Nibelheim, her thoughts had been so consumed with worry over Cloud’s declining mental state and their search for Sephiroth that she hadn’t had the time to grieve and make peace with what Shinra had done to the town. Soon, they would be making their way to the Northern Crater. This could be her last chance to do so.
By the time they made it inside the inn, Tifa could feel the chill of the night air mixing with the rain down to her bones, and she was aching for a hot shower and a dry change of clothes. The group secured three rooms, Tifa bunking with Yuffie and leaving the rest of the team to split themselves in whatever combination was the least likely to end in a fistfight.
Despite the exhaustion of the day, sleep refused to come. Instead, she tossed and turned, unable to push away her anxiety at being back in this facade of her hometown, and what would await them once they resumed their mission. Not for the first time, Tifa tried to imagine the words of comfort and boundless positivity Aerith would offer if she was still with them. She felt an ache deep within her chest at the thought of her friend whose absence still lingered over the group like a thick fog.
It was a little after midnight when she was distracted by the sound of footsteps in the hallway, barely audible above the monotony of her roommate’s snores. It seemed she wasn’t the only one struggling with sleeplessness. Tifa gave in to her curiosity and followed, careful to tread lightly so as not to wake a sleeping Yuffie.
She wasn’t surprised by who she found sitting outside on the inn steps. Although Cloud didn’t acknowledge her presence, she noticed how his eyes flickered briefly behind him and his shoulders rose as he sat up straighter. When she took a seat next to him, she frowned when she registered how his figure further tensed.
It hadn’t gone unnoticed how he’d been keeping her at arm's length since leaving Mideel. Each time she’d attempted to broach the subject of what she’d witnessed during their journey through the Lifestream, he’d found some way to avoid her questioning. It was unnerving.
“Can’t sleep?” she finally asked.
Cloud merely shrugged, his eyes still fixed on the darkness ahead. In the lowlights of the street lamp illuminating this section of the road, she could make out a handful of storefronts. If she continued down that path, she’d soon find herself in front of their childhood homes. Or at least, what Shinra had constructed to resemble their childhood homes–cheap imitations of the places she’d held dear, the people within them strangers.
In the distance, Mount Nibel loomed, ominous yet as beautiful as it had ever been. Aside from Shinra Mansion, it was the only part of her hometown that had maintained its authenticity.
At the sight, Tifa was reminded of the scene she’d witnessed deep within Cloud’s subconscious, of the time they’d both fallen after he’d tried to protect her from her own foolishness. It was a memory which she struggled to remember even after having seen it recreated, but which had such a profound influence on the man sitting beside her. Unbeknownst to her at the time, the moment had sparked a series of actions that defined the rest of his life—and, in many ways, her own.
“It’s so eerie,” she began, grabbing Cloud’s attention as he glanced sideways to look at her in his periphery, “how familiar everything seems, yet at the same time not.”
Still, he said nothing. She watched as he adjusted his gloves, something she’d seen him do before when he was stuck in an uncomfortable situation. At that, she felt a tinge of hurt. Did being alone with her really make him so uneasy?
Unsatisfied with his silence, she continued. “The last time we were here, did you visit my house?”
This time, he turned fully towards her, taken aback by the question. His response was sheepish. “I did.”
“Did it...look the same?” When the group had first passed through Nibelheim, she’d been too overwhelmed by the magnitude of Shinra’s fabrication to dare venturing into her childhood home. She’d only been able to muster up the courage to peek in through the windows.
“I think so,” he answered tentatively. “Not like I spent much time there before to compare.”
And whose fault was that? she thought, unsure whether it was directed at him or herself. Tifa remembered inviting Cloud over as children, but he always refused. Still, perhaps she could have tried harder to convince him, to make him feel included.
By now, the rain had faded to a drizzle, clouding the surrounding air with a light mist. Tifa stood up and dusted herself off, aware of how Cloud’s gaze followed her.
“I want to see it for myself,” she explained before nervously adding, “Come with me?”
She watched as he considered her request for long enough that she began to feel vulnerable in the face of his hesitation. She breathed out in relief when he eventually nodded and stood up to follow her. As they made their way silently, Tifa watched Cloud in her periphery, trying to make sense of his expression. Even though he was trying to appear aloof, the apprehension in his eyes and the tension in his jaw betrayed his nerves.
It was pitch black inside the rebuilt Lockhart home, the moonlight streaming in through the uncovered windows the only source of illumination as they entered. Cloud kept his distance as she made her way around the first floor, hovering just a few feet behind her like a bodyguard. Although that typically would have bothered her, she appreciated the privacy it provided as she processed the emotions sparked by her surroundings.
She left her bedroom for last, the sombreness of the moment interrupted when she noticed Cloud failed to follow her into the room as expected. She stifled a giggle at his attempt at propriety, her smile the permission he needed to traverse the doorway. He came to stand at her side in the middle of the room, the warmth of his body so close to hers a welcome comfort. She fought the urge to lean into him.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.
On the surface, it all looked the same–the kitchen where she’d first learned how to cook, the master bedroom where her mother had spent her last days. Even in her bedroom, nothing seemed to be out of place. It was exactly as she’d left it, frozen in time. Still, she could tell there was something missing. Gone was the warmth she’d always associated with her childhood home. It was like walking through a photograph rather than the real thing.
“It looks the same, but it doesn’t...feel the same,” she explained. “Does that make sense?”
“I know what you mean.”
Of course, he did. He was the only one who could possibly understand, especially after learning within the Lifestream that he’d been there that day. She now knew that their shared trauma ran deeper than she’d previously known.
That line of thought sparked another memory. “Remember back in Kalm, when you mentioned you visited my house because you thought I might be home? When you came here with Shinra?”
It felt like years had passed since then. They’d gained so much, lost so much since. Cloud, unbeknownst to them at the time, had been broken, a fractured version of himself. And while he hadn’t healed yet, he was on his way. Or at least, she hoped. He could at least begin to pick up the pieces, and she would be there to help him, even if he tried to push her away. She would put a stop to that tonight. That, she vowed to herself.
Tifa moved towards the piano, her fingers sliding along the tops of the keys. “Was that memory real?”
“No,” he admitted, his eyes downcast. “I stood outside for a while, but I was too much of a coward to come see you.”
The image of a younger, more boyish-looking Cloud standing outside her window in his Shinra uniform, face obscured by his helmet, entered her mind. It was an endearing image, but also a painful one. How different would things have been if she’d seen through his disguise? They could have spent some happy moments together before their entire world went up in flames. And instead of being left alone after Nibelheim fell, maybe they could have taken solace in each other, either in Midgar or elsewhere.
The what-if of it all was too much. She needed to distract herself before her current stream of thought caused her to unleash the tears she was barely holding in. “So...I guess that also means you never stole my underwear?”
A slight pink began to tickle his cheeks as he looked away from her. It was a rare glimpse of the bashful Cloud she was so fond of. Despite his obvious shyness, he still managed a retort.
“I may have thought about it.”
It was meant to be a joke, but it ignited something different in her. She found herself edging toward him, closing the distance between them. Cloud watched her carefully, his eyes straying over her form, quickly but not fast enough to evade her notice.
“What else did you think about?” Her voice came out thicker than she’d intended. “Back then?”
Cloud swallowed, his lips parting slightly. Whatever she was feeling in the air between them, unknown but alluring, she was sure he could feel it too. “Lots of things.”
She took another step forward. “Like what?”
He looked away from her. Mere inches separated them now; she was close enough to make out the curve of each eyelash, every freckle dotting his skin. At that moment, she was struck by just how young he looked, despite all he’d been through.
She brought one hand to rest just below his shoulder, beyond the boundary of his uniform, the warmth of his skin soothing her fingers. He jolted slightly at the contact, the muscles in his arm clenching and relaxing under her palm. The feel of it all emboldened her, made her want to draw out more reactions from him.
“Did you ever think about kissing me?”
He inhaled sharply, his eyes searching hers before he responded. “Yeah. A lot.”
Whatever energy was building up between them now sparked. The thought of their teenage selves stealing an intimate moment together before he’d left for Midgar had often crossed her mind. She’d almost initiated such a moment atop the water tower before losing her nerve. She’d since regretted not being bold enough to take that step herself, knowing Cloud, so shy and unsure back then, would never do it himself.
While the thought of kissing Cloud back then caused her stomach to flutter, the thought of kissing Cloud as he was now unleashed a very different feeling deep in her gut. “Is that something you still...think about?”
Wordlessly, he lifted one gloved hand to her face. Her eyelids fluttered as his thumb made a soft circle along her cheek before tracing the seam of her lips. Parting her mouth slightly, she fought back a whimper at the unexpected boldness. She wished, now more than ever, that he didn’t insist on wearing those damn gloves everywhere, so she could savor the feeling of his bare hand against her skin.
“Tifa…,” he began, his brow furrowing as he struggled to find the right words. “I-I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know what to say.”
His expression, so timid, so hesitant, tore right through her. When he looked at her like that, all she could imagine was the teenage boy who had promised to protect her all those years ago, of his younger self who had led her by the hand through his own mind, a mind overflowing with memories of her, thoughts of her. Even if the Cloud in front of her couldn’t express himself fully, she had already seen within the depths of his subconscious everything she needed to know.
“It’s okay,” she whispered, bringing one of her hands to rest against his own. “Words aren’t the only way to let someone know how you feel.”
That seemed to reach him. Nodding, he brought his other hand to cradle her face, leaning in so close their breaths mingled, the tips of his hair tickling her skin. She wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them, but she recognized how important it was for him to take that step himself.
The first press of his lips against hers was tentative, as if he was still afraid she would reject him, even now. To show him how much she wanted this, how much she wanted him, Tifa wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. At the added contact, he deepened the kiss, his hands dropping from her face to clutch her lower back, his grip on her warm and solid. When his lips strayed from hers, she chased after them, only allowing their kiss to end when it was clear they both needed a chance to catch their breath.
As they reoriented themselves, Cloud buried his face in the crook of her neck, the warmth of his cheek seeping into her skin as he embraced her even more tightly. Despite the tenacity of his hold, he handled her carefully. He was always so gentle with her.
As he exhaled, Tifa felt his breath coat her neck, his lips brushing against her skin as they parted ever so slightly. Goosebumps formed on her skin, a warmth radiating from her neck to her gut as she imagined what it would feel like to feel his breath and the touch of his lips elsewhere on her body. Anywhere. Everywhere.
“Kiss me again.”
They moved together more purposefully, more fervently. Neither of them quite knew what they were doing, but what they lacked in experience they would make up for in enthusiasm. Placing her hands on his hips, she pulled him towards her so their bodies were flush together, causing Cloud to groan into her mouth. The sound sent a thrill through her body that reached her toes.
Her hands slipped under his thick shirt, and he shivered against her as her fingers trailed up his back. Their kisses became sloppier as her hands wandered around to his front, reveling in the warmth and solidity of his frame. She slid her palms down the planes of his chest, and he froze when her fingers skimmed his waistband.
“Tifa,” he inhaled sharply, his tone both a question and a warning.
Kissing him once more, she tried to channel her desire, her need for him in the embrace. She raked her nails against his hips, nipped his bottom lip with her teeth. His hands hovered much too prudently at her sides, a sharp contrast to her own motions.
“Cloud,” she whispered, taken aback by the want in her own voice. “Touch me. Please.”
It was the right thing to say. At her urging, the intensity of his gaze deepened as he took her in, as if for the first time that night. Tifa held her breath as his hands roamed up her sides, the sensation soothing even through the fabric of her shirt and his gloves. He was hesitant as he reached her chest, his thumbs tracing the gentlest of circles along the swell of her breasts. As good as it felt, it was far from enough.
Her hands flew to the hem of his shirt, which was quickly discarded with his cooperation. She made no attempt to mask her admiration as she took in the sight of his bare chest, perfectly complemented by his broad shoulders and the well-defined arms she’d stared at too often both in and out of battle.
Under her lustful gaze, Cloud became emboldened. He shrugged off his gloves before grabbing at her hips, pulling her back towards his body. His touch was no longer hesitant as his hands sneaked under her shirt, and Tifa nearly gasped at the feeling of his bare hands, so foreign, against her skin as he stroked her sides.
Their lips met again. Between kisses, Tifa led them toward the corner of the room, stopping only when the back of Cloud’s knees collided with the edge of the bed. It took just a gentle push against his chest for him to understand her intention, taking a seat dutifully. His eyes widened as she followed, straddling his lap and working her shirt over her head in one fluid movement. Before she could lose her resolve, she also made quick work of her bra, heat flooding her cheeks as she tossed it aside.
Several beats passed as she awaited a reaction from Cloud, who was staring at her, seemingly thunderstruck. Tifa fought the instinct to cover herself up, cognizant of the ugly scar emblazoned on her chest, a permanent reminder of the physical and emotional wounds they’d both suffered years earlier. Instead, she focused on the way his jaw and throat tensed as he swallowed, on the way his dilated pupils roamed her figure.
“Shiva,” he finally breathed before recapturing her lips.
Groans escaped them both as skin met skin. One hand settled at the small of her back as the other palmed one breast, his thumb circling her hardened nipple. Tifa mewled at the sensation, the pleasure of it flowing down through her belly to between her legs. They began to rock against each other, Cloud’s arousal evident as it pressed against her thigh. As he placed open-mouthed kisses from her jaw to her shoulder, Tifa hummed encouragingly, her fingers sliding into his hair and yanking at the strands when his teeth scraped against her neck.
It was all somehow not enough and yet too much. Part of her was screaming to slow things down, to figure out what this meant before things progressed to the point of no return. The other reminded her that she didn’t know how much time she had left, that it could all be over for them both once they ventured into the Northern Crater. She couldn’t afford more regrets, having already spent so much time denying and pushing her feelings aside for the sake of the group and their mission. It was time for them both to be selfish.
They fell against the bed, a mess of limbs and heavy breathing. They took turns caressing and tasting every inch of exposed skin, prompting sounds from one another that were primal yet somehow musical in the way they complemented each other.
Even though she was certain Cloud was just as inexperienced as she was, he was as quick of a learner in discovering how to navigate her body as he was in battle. He forged a trail with his lips from her forehead down to her chest, each kiss leaving behind a heat so intense it was as if he was branding her. As he licked and nipped at her breasts, she was unabashed in how she arched into his kiss, in how she whimpered needily for more.
It was overwhelming, being with him like this, here of all places. Surrounded by memories, no matter how false, of a childhood they’d shared, of a trauma only they understood. This town, her childhood home, had all been tainted. She wanted something to look back on that wasn’t poisoned by the stain of death and loss.
Pulling him back up towards her, Tifa did her best to channel the years of longing, the months of desire as she kissed him vigorously. When they separated, she could clearly see that intensity reflected back in the sparkling blue and green of his eyes.
“Cloud,” she breathed, her voice just a notch above a whisper, “I want to be with you.”
She felt him tense underneath her as he studied her face, an internal conflict clear in his features. “Are you sure? Here?”
Her answer was to fumble with the many clasps of his belt, which she only managed to remove with his assistance. A lift of hips and a shimmy of hers were all it took for them to be rid of what remained of the barriers of clothing separating them. Any insecurities she would normally feel being so exposed were instantly stifled by the reverent way in which Cloud looked at her, how gently he caressed her newly revealed skin between increasingly greedy kisses. Her remaining inhibitions vanished as his hand wandered between her legs, his fingers sliding effortlessly against the wetness he found there.
As much as she would have liked to indulge his explorations further, she was growing impatient. They only had a few hours left before the night came to an end.
There was a brief twinge of pain as she lowered herself onto him, followed by the overpowering feeling of being so full she couldn’t imagine being separated from him again. His hold on her hips tightened as she adjusted to him, his fingers digging into her skin as she sank down as far as she could.
“Tifa,” he moaned, his eyes fluttering closed as he threw his head back against the bed. “Tifa, Tifa, Tifa…”
He continued to chant her name as she moved, not quite knowing what she was doing but trusting her body to work on instinct. Cloud used his hands to guide her movements, the pace of her bounces increasing gradually as she became more accustomed to the feeling of him deep inside her. The room soon became enveloped by the sound of skin slapping against skin and their erratic breathing. All the while, he watched her through half-lidded eyes, entranced by her swaying form.
Cloud was the one to break their rhythm, his hips bucking upwards as he came with a guttural groan that made her toes curl. It was a sound she was already determined to draw out of him again.
As he regained his bearings, Tifa disentangled their bodies before maneuvering beside him on the small bed. One arm settled on the small of her back, pulling her closer towards him until she was nestled comfortably against his chest. The rhythm of his elevated heartbeat flooded her ear.
“If this is a dream,” he began, still catching his breath, “I hope I don’t wake up.”
Tifa smiled against his skin. “It’s real. We’re real.”
Her words were deliberate, reassuring him in case he’d begun to doubt once more that he was the real Cloud, her Cloud from Nibelheim. He tightened his grip on her waist.
“Thank you,” he mumbled into her hair, his fingertips drawing tender circles along her hip. He didn’t elaborate, but she could infer the deeper meaning behind his words.
Tifa could feel exhaustion creeping into her limbs as it became increasingly difficult to keep her eyes open. She knew they shouldn’t allow themselves to fall asleep. The morning was just a few hours away, and their friends were likely to notice their absence and go looking for them and the embarrassment of being found in their current state would be mortifying (no matter how many suggestive jokes their companions, Cid especially, had made at their expense). Still, she couldn’t bring herself to separate from the soothing warmth of Cloud’s body. Who knew when they would have another moment like this, if at all.
The decision was eventually made for her when she realized Cloud’s breathing had slowed, sleep having overtaken him. Not wanting to disrupt his much-deserved rest, she gave in to her own fatigue, burrowing in closer to his sleeping form before also drifting off.
They would worry about tomorrow when it came. For now, she couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.