Chapter Text
The storm of life finally calmed down for the Winters family. Rosemary was safe and healthy, cradled within a blanket of safety, away from the fire that seemingly never wanted to extinguish. They could finally live the semi-normal life Ethan wanted with a growing family. Unfortunately, all happy moments come with a price. Both he and Mia had gotten a divorce, with them sharing half the custody of their daughter. Rose stays with Ethan for about a week, and then Mia, for another. It was alright, though, since Rose was a cute bundle of chaos. Already 3 years old and running around like she had everywhere to be in the world. Ah, but Ethan couldn’t forget the metal hobo-looking man who lived in his basement. An interesting addition to his life, but not unwelcome.
Karl Heisenberg: The man who tried to kill him a few times then worked with him and lived in his house for how many years now? The two had gotten along quite well after setting some boundaries and rules. It was rather amusing to watch Karl explore the world like a child in a Lego store. Looking at and exploring everything that the cities and suburbs have to offer. Asking question after question, "What's a flat-screen? "and "What's an iPhone?" " I blew up the oven. Again, "What's a McDonald's? "and "Can we get a McDonald's? "What do you mean I can’t buy McDonald’s?"
Karl didn’t really have the means to get a job since he lived in the middle of nowhere with no credibility, but he still made himself useful. One of the first things he did was gift Ethan a set of new fingers and full-on security for the house. He’d fix the car (after breaking it some) and watch Rose when Ethan had to work longer nights. He thought about trying to get a job as a mechanic or doing something he knew how to do, but that was hard since he was still getting used to modern technology. He did have decades' worth of catching up to do since he was rather limited by what he was exposed to.
Something about Ethan, though. Something about the man made of mold made Karl's blood boil, hot and burning with something he wasn’t entirely sure of. He couldn’t particularly say he was mad at his housemate. He had no valid reason to be. Ethan did nothing but respect him and be kind to him. He was patient and understanding. Never yelled at him, even when he spent hours lecturing him. Sure, there was the odd reprimand about how he "shouldn't do this in public" or how "just because she giggled doesn't mean it's safe for her to play on." Truly a side to him that Karl didn’t see when they first met. Granted, Ethan had many other things to focus on, but now that everything has been cleared and the storm has calmed, Ethan is something else. Karl had his freedom, and he could leave for the Winters whenever he wanted, but something lured him to stay. Something inside of him told him that this was where he wanted to be. That he could trust them.
That he was safe.
And that scared Karl.
He was confused and frustrated, and he didn’t know why. This was what he wanted. To be free and safe from the bitch, he was forced to call his mother. To find a place he can call home and truly mean it. Winters was getting on his nerves without actively trying or knowing because he was an unknown. When they met, Ethan was all about blood-thirsty rage, killing anything within sight because he was angry. Ethan was dangerous when he was angry, but no matter what Karl did, he never saw that side of Ethan again. He tried to get him to be upset. Breaking the washing machine for the third time, breaking a window because one of his projects "failed," and even destroying his room. It never worked.
"It’s fine; we can fix it or get a new one." He’d replied offhandedly. "Please, just be careful and do your projects in the basement from now on." He compromised. "You were mad. It’s fine. We’ll work on it, but for now, don’t trash my room again.” He said it with a frustrated sigh at the very least. That last one was so close, but a sigh and a clenched jaw were all Karl got. Ethan wasn’t like the Ethan Karl saw in the village, and that scared Karl. Ethan just wouldn’t snap at him. Yell at him. Tell him off. Punch him. SOMETHING! Something to tell Karl that this was all too good to be true. Something to remind Karl that this was just a cruel joke. Karl needed Ethan to get mad. He needed to confirm what he knew was true. To confirm that this was just a facade that Ethan’s truly hated his guts and that he wasn’t safe anywhere!
~~~
Tonight, it was Mia’s turn to have Rose. Tonight, Ethan would work late. Tonight, the entire house was destroyed because a project "malfunctioned and got loose in the house." Tonight, Karl was getting ready to make Ethan snap at him and prove his fact correct. Was this the best way to go? Probably not. Did Karl know that? Not at all. It didn’t matter anyway, since the sound of Key’s jingling on the other side of the door told Karl that he couldn’t back down anymore.
"Heis, I’m ho-" Ethan called out as he opened the door, only to be met with what looked like a tornado that only affected the inside of his house instead of the entire town. His tired, groggy face slowly turned into horrified shock as he slowly walked inside. Slowly putting his laptop bag down, he was careful not to step on anything that was broken. He wasn't even sure there was a floor left.
“Oh. Winters, I didn't even hear you walk in." Heisenberg lied as he walked from the basement, studying Ethan’s every movement and expression with subtility.
"Heisenberg," Ethan said slowly, turning his head to face the man. He was struggling to stay steady as he looked at every corner of his house. “What? Happened.” It wasn’t a question. It was a demand.
“Well, you see, I was working on one of my recent projects in the living room, but then I had to use the bathroom. I forgot to turn the damn thing off, so when I came back, the thing blew up and practically bounced along the walls. I managed to catch it and bring it back to the basement.” He said it smoothly, holding his voice together without breaking or cracking. His face stayed the way he wanted it, making the lie more believable. He couldn’t stare Ethan in the eyes, however. If he did, he’d see just how much in trouble he was.
"Let me get this straight.” He started. His tone changed from tired and upset to just plain upset. “You brought your little projects into the living room even though I told you not to. Destroyed my house. I didn't bother picking it up or cleaning it. AND HAVE THE AUDACITY TO ACT LIKE EVERYTHING IS OK?" He shouted, his breathing becoming more jagged and raw with every word that left his throat.
And Karl just nodded his head, purposely adding fuel to the fire. "I mean, it is, right? I got my things under control and moved back into the basement." He tried to say it as nonchalantly as he could.
“NO, IT’S NOT ALRIGHT? WHAT THE HELL, HEISENBERG? I don’t bust my ass off working, feeding, and providing for you and Rose, only for you to ruin my living room and act like everything is ok.” Ethan snapped. “What if Rose was here and she got hurt?" He questioned. Even so, Karl would never let that happen, and he’s slightly offended that Ethan would even suggest otherwise. Sure, she can heal faster than the two of them combined, but that doesn't mean she should get hurt for the sake of it, and Karl knew that. They both knew that Rose would’ve been fine; however, they both also knew that wasn’t the point.
“But she’s not here.” He said it instead, stepping back a bit. . It was starting to dawn on him that this wasn’t as good an idea as he made it out to be. Really, he should stop pouring gasoline when the fire is already bright and blazing, but Karl just needs to hear it. He won't back down yet; he wants results. He’s getting results.
“THANK LORD, SHE ISN’T. I'll ask you again." Ethan’s voice was laced with venom, growing more deadly by the second. “What? Happened.” Years of lying by Chris and Mia and practically everyone around him made Ethan out to be a walking lie detector. Ethan noticed Karl avoiding eye contact, the faint struggle to keep his voice steady, and overall knowing Karl’s behavior after living with him for how many years? Ethan’s not stupid. He is oblivious and dense, sure, very much so, but he isn’t plain stupid.
“I- just...” And what was Karl supposed to say? Hey, I don't understand my own feelings, so I trashed your house to make you mad because he needs a reason to continue to invalidate my own emotions since it’s easier to handle them in a negative way.
“What, Heisenberg? You just what?" Ethan stepped closer, staring the older man down. This. This was what Ethan Karl wanted to see. However, now he’s starting to realize that perhaps this isn’t what he fully wanted.
“I wanted to make you mad, ok? You’ve been so caring and understanding towards me; it was infuriating, he mustered up, feeling himself start to get upset as well. Ethan didn’t take that reasoning all too kindly. In a blur of white-hot anger, Ethan punched Karl in the jaw. Hard. Karl fell on his ass and rubbed his jaw in hissing pain, feeling it start to swell. He groaned in pain before locking eyes with Ethan, watching as the other worked on autopilot.
“So, you trashed my fucken house? Destroy my things because you were confused about your fucken feelings?. Ethan only saw red. He was tired and not thinking straight, and work has been up his ass. A trashed house wasn’t something he’d be excited to come home to, but it was something he could deal with in the morning if it wasn’t as bad as it was. An emotionally unstable man that you should've known better who trashed your house to the point of being a safety hazard was not something Ethan wanted to deal with. AT. ALL.
"Yes. What else was I supposed to do? No matter what I did, you seemed so freaking patient and calm. It pissed me off." Karl yelled, getting up and pushing Ethan back slightly with the audacity.
“Oh, I don't know. Talk to me like a normal fucking person. Tell me what’s going on in the idiotic brain of yours instead of throwing a tantrum in my goddamn house and breaking all my shit!" Ethan shouted back.
“Yeah, well, I'm not a normal person! Neither are you. We're both monsters. MADE BY CARNAGE AND SENT TO DESTROY EVERYTHING WE TOUCH.” Heisenberg shouted from the bottom of his throat. His mind was clouded by overwhelming emotions he didn't understand, and he thought they just didn’t go away. Ethan bit back and stared at the person before him. He knew that. Of course, he knew that. Nightmares from his life still plague him almost every night. He could pretend, though. I presume he was still human and lived a human life. It wasn’t like he expected Karl to do the same, but he would like to believe that Karl could handle his emotions in a semi-decent way that didn’t involve total destruction. “I don’t understand, Ethan. I don’t understand why you’re being so nice to me when hell knows I don't deserve it. I tried to fucken kill you. I stabbed you and put you through hell. Yet here you are acting like none of that happened. You act like I'm not a monster, and yes, I might not exactly look like one, but it's true. What the hell do you think in that stupid tiny brain of yours? th-"
"Because, Dammin, I love you!" Ethan interrupted, getting fed up with this entire conversation. It was Karl's turn to shut up and stare at this man. This crazy, stubborn man is right in front of him. “I love you. Heisenberg. You can call me stupid. Weird. Crazy even, but I know how I feel. I do remember that sh*t you did to me in Romania. I didn’t forget, but you also changed. You changed, and you don’t even seem to realize it. Fuck me if I’m being too nice to you. If I’m waiting for you to understand the world around you, I’m sorry that I care for you. I can’t change how I feel. I don’t even expect you to feel the same, but here I am. You’ve been through sh*t, and I understand that! That’s why I wanted to wait for you to feel like you could come to me and tell me how you feel so we could get through it together. You’re still learning. I get that, but fuck Heis, I need you to understand that you’re a grown man as well. Not a fucken child."
If he didn’t feel like shit then, Heisenberg sure did now. The weight of his actions is fully crushing him now. He really was an idiot. He groaned, rubbing his face with his hand before reaching out to comfort the other.
“Ethan-” He tried softly, but Ethan interrupted him with a loud inhale, slowly dragging out his exhale.
“It’s fine. I’ll clean this up tomorrow and buy new furniture, I guess. It’s been a long day, and I'm tired." He said, shoving past Karl and making his way upstairs, leaving Heisenberg on his own. The man sighed and went outside for a smoke. He messed up big time. Perhaps this was the most childish way he could go about this, but the desire to get his results consumed him.
Was making Ethan mad truly worth it?
~~~
The next morning, Ethan walked down to get him a quick snack before leaving for work. He really didn’t want to face Heisenberg right now, even though he was probably still asleep. When he looked at the living room, he was surprised to see it was nice and intact, aside from the shattered table, ripped-up couch, and broken TV. He needed a new TV anyway, so that gave him an excuse to buy one, but the money that he was still going to spend hurt much more than his wallet.
He took a deep breath and headed to the kitchen, grabbing a piece of bread, spreading jelly on it, and heading out the door. Toasting seemed appealing until he realized that there was a chance of Karl walking into the kitchen. Even the chance of seeing Karl made Ethan’s blood boil. Cleaning his own mess was one thing, but unless Karl was going to compensate for everything, a clean house was nothing.
~~~
Ethan hadn’t talked to him for three days. Avoiding him and ignoring him unless it was necessary Ethan would eat dinner in his office, leaving Heisenberg practically alone in the house. It hurt the man so much that Ethan was ignoring him. His chest hurt so much when Ethan walked right past him—not even a word in his direction. Rose would be coming back soon for the week, and Karl didn’t want any tension when she came back.
Chancing it, Heisenberg knocked softly on the door of Ethan’s office. “Ethan? Can I come in? Please?” He asked nervously.
“You have a minute." He heard. Karl walked him to see the blond face buried in a computer, typing at light speed. He didn’t even bother to face him. Karl sat in the spare chair, drawing close to Ethan while keeping a respectful distance in case the other tried to swing at him again.
“I want to apologize. For Wednesday” He hated how meek his voice sounded. It made him feel vulnerable and weak, but this wasn’t about him. “You were right. I really should have talked to you. I was just so confused and frustrated, and it was the only thing I could think of that would get you to react. That probably doesn’t excuse anything, but you should know that I really regret what I did to the living room. And as for what I said to you,”
Ethan stopped typing and sighed heavily. He turned his chair to face Karl, making the man suck in a breath. “Yeah, you really fucked up.” He said it coldly. “But I can tell you weren’t thinking as well as you should have. You cleaned my living room, and I got to buy a new TV. Also, I'm sorry. I probably shouldn’t have said what I said. It probably confused you more. I was just so heated that I blurted it out without thinking." Righttttt. The love confession.
“Are you still mad?" Karl asked quietly.
“No. Not as much as I was then, and certainly not at you anymore. I’m mad that I still have to buy a new table and couch." Ethan responded quietly. The two sat in silence for a moment. Neither made eye contact. Ethan turned back to his work, letting Karl sit there.
“Can you..." Ethan heard him mumble. He turned back to the man with a poker face. Karl hated not being able to read people, but he was working on sucking up his pride for the time being. Karl took a deep breath and stared at Ethan in the eyes. “Can you say it again?" Ethan quirked his brow in confusion for a moment before it clicked.
“Say that I love you." He asks carefully, just in case he gets the wrong message. Lucky for him, he didn't, as the older man nodded.
“Yeah. that.” Ethan’s face turned bright red. He covered his face with one hand and gripped his jeans with the other, looking away in embarrassment. Well, whatever he was feeling then suddenly flew out the window and replaced itself with that of a high schooler with a crush.
“I love you." He said it quietly, desperately trying to hide the blush that tried to creep up his face.
“Again, Please.” Karl wanted to kill himself for how giddy this truly made him feel, but then again, it also felt so good that it was all worth it.
“I love you, Karl.” He said it a bit louder. Peeking at the man whose head was bowed down to hide his face, Ethan could see his ears redden as he groaned in embarrassment.
“I-” He tried but couldn’t. He wanted to say it back to Ethan because he was sure he loved him back. He loves Ethan’s smart, witty mouth. The way he stood his ground even when he was outmatched. That he would go to hell and back for the ones he cares about. He loved Ethan's kindness and understanding. He loves Ethan, but with everything that has been going on and with Karl's blatant lack of understanding of emotions, this could be considered a huge step for him to take. One that he’s not fully ready to commit to.
“You don’t have to say it back. I can wait. I’ll wait for as long as you need.” Ethan kissed the top of his head instead. Karl pulled Ethan into a hug and held him close. He buried his face in the crook of his neck. He felt Ethan hug him back. It was tight enough to show him he meant it, but loose enough for Karl to still know he had control over what he wanted. If he wants to hug even tighter or fully push away and never look back, He chose to hug tighter as he opened his eyes slightly and stared into nothing.
This felt right. to hold Ethan in his arms and feel his warmth. It made him feel good as his chest bloomed with happiness. A voice inside him was telling him to hold on to Ethan and never lose sight of him.
Yes. This felt right.