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On a green hill standing tall in front of the horizon, the shadow of an oak tree fell far from a town in the distance. The sound of a pencil grazing paper could be heard next to summer cicadas. Taking refuge under the shade of the branches were two friends.
"Jabir… What are you drawing?" He scooted over, long hair falling off his shoulders as he leaned for a peek.
"Hey, don't look at that!" The boy immediately faced his page away.
"Huh? Why not?" A leaf fell from above, almost grazing his face.
"Well… It's not done yet."
"You always say that!" Kamil set the stones he was polishing by his side. "You're always drawing in that thing! You must be great at it by now! Come onnn… Just a peek won't hurt, right?"
"It's nothing amazing, really… You should mind your business."
Haven gotten his answer, he leaned back into his original position. "Ah… No luck today either, huh?" He gazed at the sunset with a small, upbeat smile, eyes half closed. The rays of fleeting sunlight painted his face gold and softened his red eyes into a warm orange. Snow white hair let loose, draping over his shoulders. "You're really amazing, Jabir." And with a deep breath he closed his eyes.
This was it. He'd seen this picture every single day he could remember. It was the one scene ingrained into his brain so deeply he could remember every stray hair that brushed Kamil's nose. They reminded him of daisy petals, he was sure the wind itself was created just to make them sway. Soon the sun would kiss him goodbye to make way for the moon that would make his skin glow a pale blue. And when he opened his eyes Jabir would see every star alive.
His hand had memorized every crevice of his face, how every shadow fell on each angle. When they went to the river nearby, he knew the way each drop traced his face and gathered under his lips. Every page of his sketchbook sang about a new type of beauty he'd discovered in the lines of his palm.
Oh, how many poems he'd written of the wind combing the waves in his hair.
Every piece of clothing he owned was permanently stained green by the grass they sat on.
He'd carve their names between the pages of his books instead of bark so Kamil wouldn't stop taking his hand to help himself up when it came time to leave.
Every moment of the day, he had wrists decorated with bracelets, neck weighed down by necklaces so heavy the line on his nape never went away. The only time his fingers were free of rings was when he was making new ones.
Jabir never understood; what Kamil saw in the jewels he'd hold up to the sun. Never did its light seem to smile down on them like it did on him. All he could look at was his hands with broken nails, working with the chains and ropes and every tool he'd stuff in his leather bag in the mornings as Jabir waited for him outside. His pockets would be full of rocks of every color and shape he'd find as they walked through the woods. He'd close one eye and tilt his head when he looked at them through his little spectacle, and Jabir had never seen him do it without a smile.
All their colors were prettier when he'd see them reflected through his eyes.
"Jabir!" The sun had set. "Let's go home." Kamil started walking towards the faint glow of their town, stopping only a step or two later. "You know what? We should go on the roof again!" And before Jabir knew it he was already sprinting.
"H-Hey!!" Scrambling to pick up the few pencils he'd put on the ground, he ran after him. "Wait up!!!"
The path cleared through tall grass led them to the street where their homes had been since the beginning of their time.
"I… I wish… you wouldn't run off like that…" He tried to catch his breath as Kamil had already started climbing up the ladder on the side of his family's house. "It's dark out! If you got lost I wouldn't be able to find you! Seriously, you're not a kid anymore."
"Come on, Jabir!" He was ignored. "Get up here!"
With a groan and a huff he started pulling himself up, near the top met with a hand to help him up.
Kamil's house was one of the tallest around, but they needed the space. The crowded family could be heard down below, one of his brothers yelling "Kamil's home!" He was sure they'd also be aware of his presence too, the amount of times he'd been here. At this point the house where his actual family lived was secondary.
Local shops lined with sweets and goods, bustling with customers during the day, were now closed off for the night with gas lamps lighting up their signs. Silhouettes of families could be seen in the windows looking onto the street and Jabir could see the tree they were under just moments ago in the distance.
A light thud came from the flat roof as Kamil sat himself down, patting the spot by his side. While Jabir did as he was told he could hear the shuffling from his bag as he dug through it.
"Look!" He held up a silver bracelet in victory. "I just finished this!" It was thick, small turquoise stones trailed to a bigger one in the center, held in their places by the wires on their sides. Dark blue cracks and blotches all shone under the moonlight.
Blue had always been Jabir's favorite color.
"Oh? It's pretty." With that said he laid down, arms behind his head and eyes closed. "Are you going to sell that one at the market too?"
"No," He felt a hand set down next to his head and strands of hair brushing his chest. "I made it for you." Immediately, his eyes flew open and they were met with a grin. Sparks flew in Kamil's red eyes, framed by his white lashes.
He enthusiastically took his hand in his. "I had to get my dad to help me with the frame… You know smithing isn't my strongest point." Jabir could swear the color of the hair curtaining his face was picked off the crescent moon behind him. "And it was kind of hard to find them all in the right size." He started slipping the bracelet on, careful not to get caught on any fingers. "So it took a while." After taking a second to gaze at how it looked on his wrist, caressing his hand with both of his, he looked back at him. "Well? Do you like it?"
Jabir had never understood jewels. But when he held his hand up to the sky, his wrist under the light of the moon and stars, he could almost see every fingerprint of Kamil's he'd left behind. It felt like a piece of his soul was in every stone the way it radiated his warmth. His eyelids had never felt as heavy nor his chest as light.
"Well? Jabir? You don't like it?" Such a drastic drop in his tone. And it was probably what sent him over the edge.
Without realizing, the hand he'd raised to the sky had made its way into his hair. They'd never been apart, their beds and all the countless nights they'd shared since they were kids, and yet he'd never felt so close to everything he wanted.
He'd never dared and it hurt to think of being so close to the sun.
Prepped up on his elbow, fingers tangled in starlight, he could see every line of his iris before his eyes closed.
Were summer nights always this warm?
. . .
He shut the curtains again. No matter how hard he tried it seemed like he could never close them enough to shun the moon. Especially tonight it seemed like it was trying to mock him for it, the way its rays slipped through the window and lit up the patterns of his rug.
Sliding off the ribbon that kept his hair in place and running his hand through his braids, he placed them in front of his mirror for the next morning. His face was illuminated softly by the dim light on the desk by his bed. His golden bracelets were also glowing, and a frown found its place on his face when he thought about having to put them on again tomorrow.
There couldn't have been anything Jamil hated more than carrying those heavy things around.
Light steps along the corridor, his eyes were straight and unwavering. The only thing keeping him grounded was the water in his hand, a small grey hue at the bottom of the glass.
This was it. He'd stared at this door every single night he could remember. It was the one time during his day he'd let his mind wander to all the ideas of what he could do. What would freedom taste like if he used one of the thousands of chances he was granted. The courage he'd managed to muster for tonight would have to be enough to find out.
The light from the hall spilled into the room and onto the bed sheets as he cracked open the door. A light grunt and small stir, and he could feel crimson eyes on him.
"Jamiw…" They were parted so little no one would be able to tell if it weren't for their color.
It was like he'd floated when he went over to him. The bed squeaked and sank slightly under him as he sat by his side, the sheets wrinkling around the hand he'd set down.
Kalim's eyelids had already closed back up and the warm light of his bedside lamp bounced off of them. Small shadows gathered under his lips and lashes. Along with the short white hair scattered onto the pillow, the gold decorations of his turban all had a shine to them. He'd forgotten to take it off before falling asleep again.
Soft stable breaths leaving his slightly parted lips were the only thing heard until he spoke. "Jamiw… what's… wrong….?" He could barely hear it.
It would be so easy. Kalim wouldn't question a glass of water. Not from him. He'd be too tired to notice it, too. And who'd suspect Jamil, the grieving childhood friend? He'd done nothing but be by his side all this time. The reputation he'd worked so hard and so meticulously to perfect all his life was for this moment.
This was the only path he could think of, to free himself of being consumed by rage and grief, the headache of having to think through every single little action. No other option made him feel so close to everything he wanted; a life without Kalim.
He'd never dared to even entertain the idea, in fear of what would happen to him if he were to be found out. There were so many things even worse than death in this life.
His grip had tightened around the drink without him noticing, to the point his knuckles had gone white.
With another look at his face and the light highlighting every detail, he thought of how it was so stupid of Kalim to leave himself this defenseless. That unconditional trust had always made him so angry, it felt so irritatingly condensing, as if asking what he could possibly do, daring him to show his worst. But now all it would take would be putting this glass to his lips. Even a few drops swallowed would be enough.
He couldn't stop a smirk creeping up on his face. It would be so easy it was almost humorous. He'd have to stifle his laughter if he wanted to leave with victory.
The life they'd led together up until now, he was so sure he was ready for it to be over. This was his moment, the day he'd take back his life, and nothing could stop him.
A few more minutes and he'd walk out this room a free man.
But when he touched his cheek to tilt his head, it sent a chill through each bone. Every other part of his body felt like it was freezing. He didn't have to check to know he'd gotten goosebumps.
It was like if he held his face for a second too long his palm would melt into him, and yet he couldn't help but brush his thumb across his cheekbone.
There was no trace left in him of any of the seething he'd felt before opening his door, and it almost scared him how he was now afraid of disturbing his sleep instead.
For a second he couldn't tell if the light in the room actually came from the lamp or Kalim's skin. It seemed like he could light up the whole room just by himself.
He couldn't stop his hand as it placed the glass on the bedside.
He just needed one single moment.
Now both hands on each cheek, he was sure his hands were about to be turned to ash from the wrists down.
He was so desperate for any of the warmth he had under his fingertips, his spine had a mind of its own when it started leaning so far down he could feel faint breathing hitting his own lips. Tufts of white hair spilled between his fingers.
There was a flame in his chest as if he'd swallowed a star whole, burning so deep and violent it felt like it could bore holes in him from the inside.
A slight shift under the sheets and Jamil could feel the touch of the sun on the back of his hand. Lashes parted ever so slightly, his pupils were completely dazed and unfocused.
"Ja…" He could tell he wouldn't be able to get to make it to the end of his name without falling back asleep. "…mil…?" His hand went limp again, slowly falling onto his side on the pillow. "Mmph…" It was so light he wouldn't have heard it if it wasn't against his mouth.
The heat from his chest had moved up to his throat, right at the base of his tongue and he could feel it dissolve into every limb.
Even when it had gone and he could break free, at that moment just the thought of distance was unbearable. With hair stuck between their foreheads, he couldn't find a reason to bother to keep his eyes open any longer.
His trance would only last a few more moments though, being snapped out of it by the room slowly changing color. Shadows shifted and disappeared as the white walls went from gray to blue in what seemed like seconds.
All of his senses came back to him in max volume as if he'd been dunked in ice water and he remembered what he'd come here to do.
The sun had just started peeking over the horizon, there was no chance anyone else in the house was awake.
He could still maybe find a way to salvage himself.
. . .
"Jamil!! Good morning! I had such a weird dream last night!" Oh no.
There was no way he remembered. Jamil knew better than anyone how much of a heavy sleeper Kalim was. And as for the poison he'd flushed it before anyone could see him and flung it across the desert with magic just for extra measure.
He wasn't sure what happened back there, and he honestly wasn't even sure if he wanted to know.
He had way more important things to worry about, anyway. There wasn't a free moment to sit and think about it.
"Oh?" His jaw clenched with anxiety. "What was it about?"
"Well, you were there!" He could feel the blood rushing to his head. He'd been preparing for it since after what happened last night. He knew there wasn't a way he'd get away with something like that that easily.
"Kalim, I-"
"And there was this really big purple frog." What? "And he asked us to save his people and we rode goats like horses. It was kind of weird!" Kalim was obviously waiting for some sort of response but it seemed that the bewildered look on Jamil's face was enough to make him realize he wasn't going to get it. "Um… well, I'll let you get on with breakfast." And with that he walked off, scratching at the back of his neck.
Nothing felt real at this point. He'd attempted to do the unthinkable yesterday, done something just as bad AND had almost given himself away. To think he'd been saved by Kalim's idiot brain… It was annoying to think what he hated most saved him but he was too relieved to be irritated. He could finally let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding.
His right wrist ached in a weird way, painless, as if it was being held and squeezed gently, and the sun seemed to come onto his face no matter which way he turned, like it was trying to make his day as awful as it could.
Blue had always been Jamil's favorite color and yet the sun would never let him look up at the sky.