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“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
Dick stood on his toes to peek over Jason’s shoulder into the hotel room and grimaced. “Uh, Bruce….”
“There was a mix-up with the reservation,” Bruce grunted, nudging them inside and putting down the two suitcases he was carrying. Tim, Cass, and Damian could barely squeeze past them through the narrow doorway into the main room. It was...small. Two queen beds took up most of the space, with a dresser against the opposite wall and a desk by the window.
“Father, you cannot possibly expect us to-”
“I do expect you to,” Bruce cut him off. He put his hands on his hips, looking around the room. “This is the only room they had available-”
“You are Bruce Wayne! Surely you could oust some lower-class person from their room.”
“It is midnight, I am not forcing someone out of their room.” Bruce raised an eyebrow at Damian. The boy held eye contact for a few seconds before looking away.
“It’s only for one night,” the man said.
“There are only two beds,” Tim pointed out.
“We’ve made do in worse situations.”
“Yeah, in the wild,” Jason muttered. “Hypothermia is the only reason any of you are getting within arm’s reach of me.”
“They’re bringing up a cot,” Bruce said, frowning at his phone and typing out a quick message before shoving it back in his pocket. “You can take that.”
Dick sighed, hands on his hips as he studied the beds and his family crowded into the room. Tim was flopped back on one of the beds, holding his phone above his face and typing rapidly, probably complaining to his friends. Dick wasn’t sure how he managed to type so quickly without dropping his phone on his face, but Tim was a talented and baffling kid. “Okay, so Bruce and I are the biggest so we’ll each go to one bed. Who wants to go with me?”
“Not it,” Tim said, sparing one finger to press to the tip of his nose. “I don’t need your octopus limbs.”
Dick rolled his eyes. He was a sleep-hugger, so what? “Okay well since Tim doesn’t love me-” Tim flipped him off. “Cass?”
Cass shrugged from where she was poking around in the desk.
“Okay, thanks for that rousing sentiment.” Dick sighed. Honestly, this whole family was like herding cats for the specific purpose of pulling out their teeth. “Dami, where do you want to go? With Bruce and Tim or me and Cass?”
Tim sat bolt upright, his phone bouncing slightly on the bed with the force of it. “No.”
Damian looked equally revolted at the possibility of -- shock and horror -- spending time in close proximity to Tim. “I will join you and Cain,” he said, his scowl making it clear just how unpleasant he found this option as well. Dick was sure if there had been any sort of couch or armchair in the room, Dami would have taken that instead. “It is the most sound idea. You and Cain take up approximately the same amount of space as Father,” Bruce made a grumbly sort of noise, but it’s not like Damian was wrong, “so it would not make sense for me to join him and Drake.” Dick was honestly kind of impressed he managed to say Tim’s last name without spitting it like an insult. Bruce had been getting on him more about that.
“Okay,” Dick clapped his hands together, trying to stay positive. “Good plan.”
“Nothing about this is a good plan,” Jason muttered.
“I’m sorry, would you like to trade spots?” Dick asked. He might be a sleep hugger, but even he was not thrilled about the idea of shoving three of them onto a single queen bed. Even if Damian was tiny. At least he didn’t have to deal with the way Tim sprawled out like a starfish.
Jason raised both hands in surrender. “No, no, I’m good. Great plan, the best, way to work with what you’ve got, Dickie.”
“Thank you,” Dick said primly. He leaned back, pressing his hands into the small of his back and trying to stretch out the kinks that came with a day spent in the car. “Well, I’m taking a shower-”
He should have known better, Dick reflected, as most of the people in the room immediately lunged for the bathroom. He should have just snuck on in and hoped no one would notice until the shower started running and it was too late.
Damian tried valiantly to use his elbows and knees to force his way through the tussle that was Jason and Tim crammed into the tiny passageway, but his small size proved too much of a downside in this particular battle and he tripped backward, landing on his back with a stifled wheeze.
Dick wondered if he was feeling responsible enough in this moment to try and mediate the situation.
Bruce hadn’t even bothered making a try for the bathroom, and was instead watching the fight with hollow eyes. Dick could see the regrets. Well too bad, Bruce. This is your fault.
Decision made, Dick took what running start he could get in the few steps across the room and jumped. One hand braced on Jason’s shoulder -- while he shoved Tim into the wall with a thud -- and Dick twisted and pulled his limbs tight. He landed right in front of the bathroom door and smirked. There were still a few tricks he had over his little siblings.
The smirk fell when he realized the door was locked.
“Occupied,” Cass’s voice said.
Dick’s forehead met the door with a thunk.
Dick maintained his position as second in the bathroom with vicious elbows and joint locks. He was sprawled on the bed, Cass lounging on the side by the window, by the time Damian stomped over to them, hair still damp and sticking up in all directions.
“You are all deplorable,” he hissed, clambering up onto the bed. “You miscreants used all the hot water.” Doubtful, but considering how Damian liked to bathe in what felt like boiling water….
“It’s a hotel, Dami,” Dick said, ruffling his hair and making it stick up even more. Damian nailed him in the ribs and he choked on a chuckle. “That’s just how they are.”
“Father should have found a different hotel,” Damian muttered, glaring in the direction of the bathroom, where Bruce was taking his turn.
“They were all full,” Tim said absently from the other bed, thumbs never pausing. “We’re not the only ones coming to the city this week.”
A knock sounded on the door and Jason bounded over to it, peering through the peephole. “Thank God,” he declared, pulling it open. “You’re a blessing,” he told the man who had pushed the cot up and shoved an undoubtedly large bill at him.
The man stuttered his thanks while Jason pulled the cot inside. “I was a bit worried they had forgotten,” he said, rolling it into its position in the narrow space between the dresser that the tv rested on and the feet of the beds. It unfolded with one quick motion and Jason set about layering it with blankets and pillows.
“Are you even gonna fit on that?” Tim asked, peering over at Jason. “It looks kinda flimsy for your…” he made a vague gesture toward all of Jason.
Jason put his hands on his hips and scowled at Tim. “Are you fat-shaming me right now? Fuck you, Timberly, I am a perfect specimen.”
“You’re a heavy specimen.”
“A heavy specimen who can snap you like a twig.”
“No snapping,” Bruce rumbled as he exited the bathroom. “Of any kind,” he added when Tim opened his mouth. Tim subsided with a pout. Bruce surveyed the room. “Alright,” he said. “I expect everyone to go to sleep.” Jason pointedly dropped onto the cot. It creaked alarmingly under his weight. Tim looked smug.
“Father, can we adjust the air conditioning? It is far too cold in this room.”
“No, fuck off,” Jason said, propping himself up on one elbow. “Put another blanket on.”
“Perhaps I would, if you hadn’t taken all of them.”
“Well excuse me for not having a fancy comforter on my fancy hotel bed.”
“Sleep,” Bruce said. “Damian, you’ll warm up quickly, especially with everyone sharing beds. Just give it a minute.” He flicked the lights off and Dick immediately scrambled to get under the covers and stake his claim. Damian was a burrower; he’d take the entire duvet if given half the chance, and that was not happening. Cass had done the same thing on the other side of the bed, so Damian had no choice but to wiggle down underneath the pulled-taught middle.
“Stop pulling on it,” he complained, tugging on the blanket. Neither Dick nor Cass gave an inch.
“You’ll just steal it,” Dick said.
“I can’t sleep when it’s stretched over my head!” Damian whined.
“For fuck’s sake, just hug him,” Jason growled in the darkness. “Neither of you fights over blankets, the brat’s warm, and Dick gets his fix. More importantly, I can sleep without you guys bitching.”
“Good idea, Jay!” Dick chirped, and twisted around before Damian could do more than yelp in protest.
“Unhand me, Grayson!” he cried, wiggling, but Dick was already wrapped around him. He grinned and buried his face in Damian’s soft hair, ignoring the heels that pummeled at his shins. “Father!”
“Quiet,” Bruce rumbled ominously. “Tim, put the phone down.”
“Hang on a sec,” Tim said absently. Dick could hear the tapping. It was probably driving Bruce crazy.
There were a few minutes of silence.
“Tim.”
“Uh huh.”
Taptaptaptaptaptaptaptap-
There was a creak and a rustle as Bruce rolled. Tim yelped, there was a short scuffle, and then the sound of a phone being put on the bedside table. A distinctly sulky atmosphere radiated from Tim’s direction, while Bruce grunted and rolled away again.
Dick grinned and let his eyes slide shut. Damian wasn’t struggling anymore, and Dick curled around his warm little body. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all. It wasn’t often he could have all of his family in one place without fighting, wasn’t often he could fall asleep listening to their breathing, knowing they were all there and healthy and safe.
Cass pressed one freezing foot to his ankle.
Over by Jason, there was the sound of blankets rustling, a hitched breath, and a heavy thud.
There was a moment of dangerous silence.
“You just fell off the cot, didn’t you?” Tim asked.
“Fuck off.”
Dick snorted.
“Typical Todd,” Damian muttered.
Cass pressed another freezing foot to Dick’s legs and let out a quiet huff of laughter at Jason’s low muttering.
Bruce sighed heavily. “Sleep."