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She couldn't breathe. She'd gasped for air, trying to snake her head up to shore but the water just pulled her under.
She was drowning. Screams that'll never get told were silenced because of the ocean and with time she'd eventually fade. Sara had a terrible history with large bodies of water. When she was 6, her family took a trip to Florida where she 'fell' into a lake and couldn't swim back up. The tiny Lance went into shock almost immediately, the lack of swimming lessons present on her mind.
At age 15 she went to a boat party because she wanted to be different. All her life she had been compared to her older sister and she saw this as an opportunity to make her own image. Joey Danji, a senior who had owned the boat was wasted, he didn't know the difference between a chicken and a pig if it killed him. One minute Sara was by the railing the next she was flying towards the other side of the boat. Turns out drunk piloting is just as bad as drunk driving.
You could say she didn't have the best of luck. Years of fear clouded her mind way before the Gambit, but she was getting better. Apart from the fact that every time she closed her eyes or went to sleep she could see the waves waiting patiently to suck her in.
In a panic she woke up. Ragged breaths spurred out her mouth as she sat up straight. Lost in the aftermath she forgot she wasn't alone, Ava was by her side. The blonde had gotten up as soon as she heard Sara's struggle and tried to coax her out. Her eyes held so much, too much, Sara wanted to run away- from all of it. The endless cycle of nightmares and worried looks as soon as her heart rate skipped out of character.
"I'm fine," she wasn't. Nothing was ever fine. Insanity climbed through her as she relived her fear with no way of surviving. She felt like a ghost of herself.
Ava nodded but her eyes still looked glossed over. The reflection from the temporal zone mixed with her dilated pupils told a different story. A story that said Sara is broken, from the scars on her skin to the scars in her heart.
"Do you want water? You need to-
"No. Ava please stop talking."
Sara hadn't meant it of course but here they were sitting in awkward silence. She stood making a trip to the famous communal bathroom, half expecting Ava to follow her. The blonde just followed her movements until she was out of sight.
The LED lights Zari installed gave her a clear image of how awful she looked. Baby hairs stuck to her forehead, tired blue orbs and sickly pale skin. Groaning, Sara reached for the medicine cabinet pulling out melatonin. Holding the bottle in her hands she spaced out.
Did she really want to take sleeping pills? All the fear and anxiety ate her up, flashes of painful memories found its way in her head. Anguished screams escaped her victims throats, melting in with hers as the ocean swept her up. Voices of the innocent haunted her, the pleas following her even in a dreamless state. The bottle slipped from her hands, usually her reflexes would've kicked in but she was stuck, her bones stiff and jaw clenched. The sound of the jar clashing against the floor made Ava come check on her, the panic rising in the taller blonde. Ava was out of her element and seeing Sara this distant from reality was heart shattering.
"Sara!" When the former vigilante didn't respond she shook her violently, begging her to snap out of it. "Sara, look at me, hey, hey, hey. It's-
okay… but it wasn't okay and Sara wasn't fine.
"Honey, take a deep breath, say it with me." She held her hands over Sara's, gripping onto them.
Once Sara had made recognition with Ava, they both said the mantra that was supposed to ground her. "I'm Sara lance, I was born in Starling City hospital on December 25th, and I'm present."
"Good baby, that's good." Ava kissed her forehead dragging her back into the Captain's courters. Sara opted to sit on the ground not wanting to lay in a pile of sweat. Ava sat next to her waiting for her to speak but it became clear that she wasn't going to.
"I want you to be okay, I want you to be happy and not overwhelmed by your demons. Sara, I know you want to deal with this on your own but this isn't just your burden anymore, it's ours. When you suffer, I-" Ava died a little inside, or felt a piece of her heart break. Or felt like the world was tumbling down and she was in the middle of the debri.
"I signed up for you. Not the picture perfect photo captain who knows what to do in every situation. Not a mentally stable person who hasn't been through half the shit as you. You're strong and resilient and you've managed to make it this far but you can rest now. Sara, you have a support system that'll do anything for you and I just want you to give them a chance."
Ava locked eyes with dark stormy eyes instead of the usual aquamarine orbs. "Baby, I need you to give me a chance."
Tears started to pull in Sara's eyes, she looked at her lap trying to stop the influx of emotions. "I-i don't know how to."
In her mind she was protecting Ava and herself. If she talked about her fears that would only make them real and that terrified her. She spent years of her life surviving only to end up broken and traumatized.
"Hey, I don't know either but we'll figure it out. Together." Ava pulled the blonde closer to her, Sara's head laid on her shoulder with her feet draped across Ava's lap.
"I'm sorry," Sara whispered, relaxing into her person.
"Don't be, you did nothing wrong."
They sat on the cold floor for what seemed like ages. Sara had been in and out of sleep until Ava decided to get up, pulling Sara with her. She guided her to the chair, and tore the sheets off the bed and replaced them.
She tucked Sara in climbing in beside her. A slight whimper made its way out Sara's mouth and Ava pulled her closer.
"I'm here, my love."