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It was just this way sometimes. The thoughts built, the feelings filling his lungs and his chest cavity until he couldn’t do much as breathe without an intense ache, and then it all spiraled down the drain in his skull and suddenly he was empty. It was the feeling of being too empty, numbed out by the cold front he never saw coming, that always stuck out the most.
Bobby wasn’t an overly emotional guy, not when he could help it at least. The boys got to see the softer side of him sometimes, but he still did his best to keep up his guard. It was better if they didn’t know, didn’t have to see all he was dealing with below the surface.
The problem with bottling up those emotions, packing them into the chests piled high in his mind, was that sometimes they all popped open at once and overwhelmed him. Then, by the time he managed to pull them back, relock all the chests, he forgot where he’d set the keys. And suddenly, the world was a bit darker, and nothing much mattered. Even if he loved his boys, suddenly when he’d lost the keys, he’d forgotten what that felt like.
“Bee!” Reggie grinned as he bounded into the garage. The others weren’t coming over until later, busy with their parents, but Reggie had taken it upon himself to show up for some Bobby/Reggie time.
Bobby nodded, trying to pull up the mask he’d grown used to keeping close by. He might be numb, but that didn’t mean he needed to hurt those around him. “Hey, Reg. You’re early.”
Reggie nodded, but his beaming grin had fallen from his face. Apparently Bobby’s voice wasn’t as enthused as he’d hoped for. Why was it so hard to grasp emotions that should be familiar when he was locked out this way?
“Yeah. Decided to come and hang out with my favorite guitarist.”
“Luke’s not here.” Flat, again, not the snarky or teasing edge he’d hoped for. Bobby couldn’t even find the ounce of care in him. It would just be easier to be alone.
“Nah. You’re my favorite, Bobbers.” Reggie promised and sat beside him, close enough to touch but making sure they weren’t.
Bobby only hummed, eyes still on Reggie’s face. Did he actually mean that? Did Bobby care if he did?
“So…”Reggie began, eyes running over Bobby as if checking for injuries. “Too much?”
Bobby sighed softly. “Too little.”
Reggie nodded. “Need anything?”
Bobby shrugged, pulling his eyes away to stare out the window again. It’s what he’d been doing before Reggie showed up, just staring as he let the waves of numb wash over the shores of his mind.
Reggie nodded and he settled himself into Bobby’s side, just a weight against his rib cage. “Okay. We can just sit, then.”
Bobby hummed again, dragging his arm up and around Reggie’s shoulder because he knew that’s what he was meant to do. It was just what was meant to be done, what he’d normally do if he had his emotions guiding him. Now, it just felt like going through the motions.
“Don’t worry, Bobby. It’ll come back in time. Always does.” Reggie mumbled and dropped his head onto the other boy’s shoulder. “And you don’t gotta try so hard. I understand. We understand.”
Bobby wished he could feel the relief over that. Instead, he only nodded, leaning his head back and turning his eyes to the ceiling. Reggie was right. It’d fade eventually. The music later might even help, if he could manage the energy needed for it. Until then, they could just sit. Because sometimes, that’s all you can do.