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He’s running. At least he’s trying to run, but his body seems to be moving in slow motion, as if the air itself was resisting him, as if he was running in an invisible tar. He notices with terror that despite his efforts his feet touch the ground less and less with each step, as if even the gravitation decided to abandon him. After one last desperate bounce he’s left levitating hopelessly in mid-air, with nothing to push himself forward of. He whips around and suddenly all he sees is the devilish grin and the bloodshot eyes of the creature, piercing through his eyeballs right into his brain, despite it still being on the other side of the street. He can’t tell if the stare is going through or between the cars, all he knows is that it’s as if it was right in his face, looking inside him, and he’s unable to tear his eyes away, even if he wanted to. All he sees and all he knows are those bloodcurdling, deep, brown, sickeningly beautiful…
The thing is closing in quickly on its lanky limbs between the speeding vehicles, but the moment seems to stretch out forever, as if it was toying with him, already relishing its victory. He jerks desperately and tries to wriggle his way forward, but it’s pointless, he’s stuck, just like a fly in an invisible net. The creature crawls ahead suddenly and towers over him and around him filling his entire vision. The grin seems to stretch unimaginably wider, pushing the skin from its face to the sides. He watches one limb rise up triumphatically and aim at his chest. No. Not again. He can’t keep… He tries to plead, tries to make a sound, but his mouth won’t open, if it even is still there. He squeezes his eyes shut but it doesn’t work either. He watches with terror as the creature rips his chest and ribs open and takes his beating heart out. He feels sick. Can he get sick? He has no choice but to watch through closed eyes as it opens its mouth wider than it should be physically possible and…
Kageyama jerks awake suddenly. That's weird. He doesn’t usually manage to wake up on his own. He tries to open his eyes but realises they are already open, staring into the darkness of his room. He blinks, but his sight, or any of his senses for that matter, doesn’t return. He tries to listen, to hear, but all there is is the warm, crushing silence pressing down on his eardrums, as if trying to force his way into his head. And Kageyama would let it, if it meant silencing the constant gray screen buzz of his restless brain. He wants to move, but he doesn’t know where his limbs are. He should move. If he stays like that any longer he feels like he might fuse with the darkness forever, forgotten in the night. Does this mean he would never see the sunlight again? But, he does want to see the sun, he realises. He wants to… feel. The sun. And the darkness is so cold, too. So very cold.
No. It’s just his room that is cold. He really should move. He should at least brush his teeth and get under covers, as the sole thought of shower makes him exhausted. Whatever, he will get himself cleaned up before Oikawa comes back. Teeth are fine for now. If only he knew where his limbs were.
A sudden knock rids him of the problem as his entire body tenses up painfully. He quickly scrambles onto his feet and stills, processing. A knock. Somebody is knocking on the door. Meaning… somebody wants to come in. But… why? And who could it be at this hour? Kageyama looks at the clock. Oh. It’s only 9 p.m. Guess Oikawa was right, he really is hopeless without him. Days and nights melt into one, as he more often than not sleeps through all of them, regardless. Maybe that’s why Oikawa is so… strict with him. But… it’s also the season, he reasons. It’s the season that makes you think it’s already night once you wake up, no matter the hour, as if the whole city and the whole world was asleep. Somebody apparently didn’t get the memo, though. And this somebody is knocking on his door. But the question of who it is still remains unanswered. Oikawa said he’s spending the night at his friend’s. Did he change his plans? Maybe they had a fight? That must be it. Wouldn’t be the first time, Kageyama thinks as he makes his way to the door, not bothering to turn on the lights. He wonders briefly if he should put on some trousers but decides against it. Oikawa might actually appreciate it. If he’s not completely wasted, that is. Which is more than likely, Kageyama thinks, sighing inwardly as he opens the door to let his boyfriend in, and stands in the doorway face to face with a man. A very… big man. Definitely not his boyfriend. He stares at the man, dumbfounded, and he looks back steadily, face impassive. Kageyama knows him, he realises. Ushijima. Oikawa’s… lover. Or, one of them, rather. He’s seen him briefly once when he came to pick Oikawa up. And Oikawa keeps talking about him, fussing over his outstandingly big- But that's not important right now. And it’s none of Kageyama’s business, anyway. What’s important is why is Ushijima here?
“Umm…” Kageyama tries to make his clouded brain think of what he should say, as the other makes no attempt to. “Yes?” He’s suddenly uncomfortably aware of his state of undress and tries to pull his oversized T-shirt down to cover his thighs.
“I came to Oikawa.” The taller man says.
“Uh… Oikawa is not here. Actually, he’s not coming home today, I’m afraid, so…” Kageyama trails off, praying that the man will get the hint, as he tries to hide his lower half behind the door.
“I don’t understand. He told me to meet him here at nine.” The man looks at his watch. “It’s nine.”
“I don’t… know what to tell you, honestly. He’s out at his friend’s house, he won’t be home until tomorrow, um... You can... call him, I guess, but I don’t think that…”
“I don’t have my phone.” Kageyama looks at him dumbfounded.
“Uh…”
“You’re his boyfriend, right?”
“Uh, yeah. I’m, we’re together, yes.” Kageyama scratches the back of his head.
“You can call him, then.” Kageyama stares at the other again. No, he can’t, actually. But he can’t exactly say that. And he doesn’t want to anyway, he wants to argue, but something in the man’s face makes him think twice about his answer. He sighs and moves aside, making a way inside his home. It’s easier to just go along. He’ll just prove to him that he unfortunatelly won’t fuck his boyfriend tonight and get rid of the guy.
“Sure, yeah, gimme a second, I’ll grab my pants. You can, uh, come in.”
Kageyama quickly wobbles to the bedroom and pulls on his trousers, grabbing his cellphone on the way back. He tries to look casual as he walks in on the Ushijima guy standing in the middle of the room, watching him intently. He swallows and makes his way to the kitchen, very casually, as he quickly dials Oikawa’s number, praying for him to answer.
“Do you want something to drink, maybe?” Good, friendly talk. Normal. “We’ve got…” He looks into the fridge and curses himself inwardly. “A lot of milk.” He finishes, resigned. “Sorry about that, guess I forgot to go shopping. I didn’t expect anybody…”
“That’s fine, I’ll have some.” Kageyama can’t help but stare at the other wide-eyed.
“Uh… What?”
“You asked if I wanted some milk, if I understood correctly. And I said I did.” Kageyama quickly blinks his consternation away as a female voice informs him that the number he’s trying to reach is currently unavailable, please try again later.
“Right, yeah, I’ll just… give you some, then. Um, Oikawa is not answering his phone, I’m afraid, so, um…” He trails off again, with no response. Wouldn’t a normal person pick up on that? Is he being paranoid? He takes the milk from the fridge and almost spills it as he fills the glass full. “Here, uh… sorry, I poured too much.” He carefully hands the other man the glass and watches him down it in big, steady gulps. Is he dreaming? That must be it. There is no way this wall of a man is standing in his kitchen drinking his milk in the middle of the night. Well, evening, but still. This has to be a dream, he should really get his sleeping schedule back in order, this really is a little much.
This time it’s his ringtone that brings him back to reality as he startles and hits his elbow on the countertop. He rubs it absentmindedly and looks at the phone, half expecting it to laugh at him, but when it doesn’t he picks it up reluctantly.
“Hello?”
“Tobio.” Kageyama cringes inwardly at the harshness of the voice.
“Oikawa? Um, hi, I know you don’t like it when I call you, but your, um, friend is here? Your friend, Ushijima? And he says you told him to meet you. I told him that you’re out, but…”
“Ushi?” The voice inside the speaker lightens up slightly. “Riiight… He really came, huh? Well, I guess I did tell him he would get some. Hmm, that’s a pity.” Oikawa sounds thoughtful. ”Does he seem mad?”
“Um…” Kageyama steals a nervous glance at the man, who is staring him down silently and swallows. “It’s… difficult to say… Do you want to talk to him, maybe, tell him that-”
“Nah, don’t need that grim energy right now. But don’t tell him that, alright, Tobio-chan?”
“Yeah, okay, but…”
“Tell him he can fuck you instead.” Silence. The only sound is faint music coming from the speaker now that Oikawa is not talking. Kageyama is suddenly hyper aware of Ushijima’s eyes on him, drilling holes into his back.
“What?”
“Tell Ushijima he can fuck you. He came all this way after all.” He is dreaming after all. It just keeps getting more and more ridiculous, but that’s nothing new. At least he doesn’t have to pretend he’s dead in this one. Might as well play along. But even in a dream, Kageyama still doesn’t feel like…
“Oikawa?”
“What is it, Tobio? It’s not like we’re exclusive. It’s about time you get some action as well.” Kageyama blinks and looks at Ushijima in a newly obtained perspective, and Ushijima is staring right back at him, as if he already knew, Kageyama thinks, as if… “You still there, Tobio-chan?” As much as Kageyama doesn’t feel like talking right now, he knows better than not to answer.
“Yes.”
“And Ushijima is still there with you?”
“Yes, he’s still here.” He’s still here.
“Well, then tell him.” Should he try pinching himself? It’s not like it ever worked before, but maybe...
“He says that you can fuck me instead.” He addresses the other man, voice void of any emotions. Plain and calm. That’s good. He feels himself drifting away, it’s not his words that leave his mouth any more. He starts to slump into the comfortable indifference of following orders. He doesn’t have to think, just do and be, and he’ll be taken care of. He glances at Ushijima, almost curious of his reaction, but his face still doesn’t display any emotions. He looks like a glitch in reality, standing in the middle of his kitchen. Looks as if he were to disappear if Kageyama looked from another angle. Hmm, maybe that’s it, maybe he should-
“Put me on speaker.” Kageyama does. “Ushi?? Hi! Sorry I couldn’t be there tonight but something came up. You can use Tobio instead, okay? He’s a bit stiff when it comes to that stuff but he’ll be good. Right, Tobio-chan?” Kageyama looks at the floor and nods. He’ll be good. That much he knows. Yes, he’s always trying to be good. It’s just… difficult sometimes.
“Words, Tobio.”
“Yes.”
“See? Okay, then. Why don’t you go prepare and let me talk to Ushi alone for a while, hm?” Kageyama hands the phone to Ushijima, not looking at him anymore, and goes to lock himself in the bathroom. This is familiar, this is good. He can just follow the steps and switch off. Oikawa will take care of him. This is okay.
Kageyama cleans himself in silence, enjoying the familiarity and trying not to think about anything. He’s always enjoyed his bathroom sessions if he’s being honest, ever since Oikawa set up a routine for him. It’s his way of taking care of Kageyama, since he knows he’s unable to take care of himself more often than he’d like to admit. And Kageyama appreciates it. It’s an opportunity to clean both his body and his mind.
When Kageyama goes back to the kitchen he finds Ushijima in the same spot he left him. As if he stopped moving once you stop looking at him. Like in Toy Story but awry, Kageyama thinks and smiles to himself softly. Ushijima must have sensed his presence because he turns around and stares him up and down, eyes lingering on Kageyama’s legs, as the boy didn’t bother putting his trousers back on. He regrets his decision briefly as he shivers and links his hands in front of himself, pulling the T-shirt down. Silly. Ushijima looks back up and they eye each other silently, before a voice interrupts their little bonding moment.
“Are you back, Tobio-chan? Did you prepare?”
“Yes.” Kageyama responds, not breaking eye contact. “What, um… Where should we do it?”
“You can use our bedroom. It’s gonna be more comfortable for both of you, hm?” The boy nods to nobody in particular and turns around, leading the way to their bedroom. He doesn’t check if Ushijima follows. Maybe not the best idea, what if he just freezes in place when Kageyama is not looking? Well, that wouldn’t be all that bad, he decides.
“Do you usually bottom?” A deep voice interrupts his train of thoughts. A voice very much from behind him, not back from the kitchen. No point in being disappointed, though.
“We switch.” Kageyama responds, still not looking back as he reaches the bed and hesitates. Then he swallows and starts taking off his T-shirt. “You?” Good, make conversation. Polite, casual, but not intrusive.
“I don’t switch.”
“Mh.” Kageyama watches the man remove his shirt, but looks away before he can see anything more. He fights the urge to cover his chest as he folds his shirt neatly and puts it away.
“Getting to know each other, are we? Want me to hang up? I don’t want to interfere, you know?” Oikawa giggles. “You naked already, Tobio?”
“...boxers.”
“Well take them off then. And lay on your stomach on the pillow. Unless you wanna do missionary? Though I would be a bit jealous to be honest, don’t want Ushi to lose himself in those blue eyes. Tell me, Wakatoshi, do you fancy Tobio? Be honest.”
“... He’s very beautiful.”
Kageyama lays on his stomach with a pillow under his hips and listens to the conversation taking place beyond him. It’s good that he doesn’t have to participate. He often doesn’t know what to say when talking to people. He always feels so small and stupid. Not with Oikawa, though. Oikawa doesn’t put him in such situations. He’s always taking care of him.
The bed is very comfortable. He could fall asleep like that.
“Well, dig in. There’s lube and condoms in the drawer.”
Kageyama hears his bedside drawer being opened and then feels the bed dip on his side. He closes his eyes. Yes, he could definitely fall asleep.
“Go easy on him at first, okay, Ushi? He may not show it but he’s a total crybaby.” Oikawa giggles. “You okay there, Tobio-chan? Try to relax, yeah? Ushi is… well, he’s hung.” Another giggle, distorted by the speaker. “But you're okay. And I trust you you’ll make him feel good for me.” Luckily, it was not a question, so Kageyama takes the liberty of staying silent. “Put the phone down so I can hear you both, won’t you?”
And suddenly the voice is right in Kageyama’s ear. Maybe if he tried he could pretend it’s Oikawa who’s touching him… Oikawa is hardly ever so… gentle, thought, he realises, when he feels a soft touch on his thighs, slowly making its way up, as if trying to… ease him into the situation. It’s warm and almost… comforting and Kageyama lets himself bask in the illusion, if only for a second.
“Open your legs more.” Ushijima orders and Kageyama obliges silently, wriggling his legs apart. He feels the air hit his bare entrance and he shifts, trying to shake off the tension settled in his body. He deliberately unclenches his fists under his torso and braces himself, but still cringes at a wet finger probing at his hole. Ushijima draws a small circle around it and slowly slides a finger all the way inside him, smearing the lube around. It’s cold, but not unpleasant. Kageyama’s muscles clench involuntarily at the intrusion but relax and adjust quickly. Ushijima pumps his finger in and out a couple of times, then presses another one and does the same. This is fine. It’s just a little stretch.
“Tell me what’s happening, Tobio.”
“Um…“ Kageyama struggles to stay present and form coherent sentences and not to let the warm fog overtake his mind completely. “Ushijima is…preparing me. With his fingers.”
“How many?”
“Two.”
“Does it feel good?”
“It feels good.” He answers, almost on autopilot. Good, no hard questions so far.
Soon the fingers retreat though, and Kageyama hears the lube being popped open again, probably to coax Ushijima’s member with it. That is… quite considerate.
“Are you ready?” Ushijima asks blankly, but this time Kageyama’s fogged brain isn’t given the time to form a response.
“Don’t let the looks fool you, Ushi. He’s not a porcelain doll. He can take more than you think.” Kageyama can clearly hear the proud undertone in Oikawa’s voice and shrinks into himself inwardly. He really hopes what Oikawa is saying is true and he won’t disappoint him. He really doesn’t want to disappoint him… “He’s ready. Get to it.” And so Kageyama holds his breath and waits. This is the worst part. If he can just relax and open up enough to let Ushijima inside it’s going to be downhill from there. He can feel his heart trying to rip his way out of his chest and focuses his entire attention on calming himself down. With little success, though, as a sudden touch on his hip startles him. He shoots his eyes open and feels a hand traveling up his side, over his ribs and to his armpits. Then it nudges at his arm, as if it wanted something from him. Confused, Kageyama lets it lead his folded arms from under himself and to the sides. He dares a glance behind himself and is met with Ushijima’s intense stare from way above him. He suddenly feels so small. And fragile. The boy keeps his eyes up, scared of what he would see if he looked down and briefly wonders if Oikawa doesn’t think too highly of him. But if he said that Kageyama is fine…
“Lay on your arms.” Ushijima instructs, not breaking eye contact. “Are you ready?” He repeats the question. Kageyama swallows the lump in his throat, not daring to look away, and nods eventually. It's not like it’s up to him, anyway. But that’s okay.
“Pl- please take care of me.”
“Good, Tobio-chan, so polite. Mm, I’m almost sorry I couldn’t be there today.”
Ushijima ignores Oikawa’s chattering and studies Kageyama’s face for a while longer, then nods back. He slides his hands back to Kageyama’s bottom and spreads his cheeks apart. Kageyama yelps at the sudden action, but looks ahead, fixing his gaze at the wall in front of him and quickly stills. He doesn’t move when he feels Ushijima line himself up, and doesn’t move when he pushes forward, going through the rim of muscles in one swift motion. He does, however, move as the piercing pain rips through his ass and shoots up his spine, making it bend painfully backwards. Though the muscles had no time to try to prevent the intrusion, they tense up unimaginably in protest right after, his entire body following. Kageyama tries to crawl ahead despite himself, his mouth frozen in silent shock, but a strong grip on his hip holds him in place. He reaches back, trying to push the hand off of himself feverishly.
“Nonono no no! Please take it out, take it out, please, it’s too big-”
“Stay.” Ushijima orders, voice calm. “Relax around it. I’m not going to move yet so try to adjust to it.”
“You’re doing great, Tobio-chan. Such a good boy. Taking such a big cock like a champ, I’m so proud of you. So proud, do you hear?” Kageyama is too out of it to respond, shaking his head vigorously and hyperventilating. The stretch is just too much. “Did he tear?”
“No.”
“See, Tobio? You’re okay. You’re doing great. The worst is already over. Breathe with me, yeah?”
Oikawa tries to lead Kageyama’s breathing, but is muffled by a deep whine from the boy when Ushijima shifts inside him. Kageyama feels his face getting heated from the effort and involuntarily lets out a desperate sob. He tries to think, tries to remember what he should do, but the pain is clouding up his brain and blocking any coherent thoughts. He cringes at another touch, this time on his shoulder, as Ushijima grabs them with both hands and squeezes down, pressing his fingers into the knots in Kageyama’s back hard . The boy gasps at another sensation, another pain , and arches his back, as if trying to sink into the mattress, but Ushijima’s strong grip doesn’t relent, and he starts pressing down rhythmically. Kageyama’s breath is being pushed out of him in strained grunts, as he tries to adjust to the new pressure.
Eventually, Kageyama feels his breathing slowly come back to normal, the tension drifting from his body gradually, leaving just a numb pressure in his rectum. Still uncomfortable, he must be stretched more than he’s ever been, but it’s not clouding his thoughts any more. He lets out a shaky breath.
“Th-” He has to clear his throat. “Thanks. You can move now. I think. Just… slowly. Please.”
”What? What is it, Tobio?”
“Ushijima, uh… he massaged my back.” He says shyly. “It doesn’t hurt as much now.”
“Okay.” Ushijima gives his back one last squeeze and the hands move back to his hips. Kageyama misses them only for a second, but quickly forgets as he feels Ushijima start sliding further inside him. He grits his teeth and focuses on breathing as Ushijima slides in slowly, not changing the angle, for which Kageyama is silently grateful. When he reaches a wall, though, Kageyama hisses and scoops forward instinctively. He shoots his hand back and grabs the one holding his hip.
“-Wait!” He gasps. “That’s… I think that’s as deep as you can go.”
“It’s not fully in. Bear with it.” Ushijima pushes ahead but Kageyama jolts again.
“No, you don’t understand, you can’t go any further-”
“I’ve reached the end of your rectum. I’m going to slide into your colon now. Relax and breathe. It’s going to be uncomfortable. But I’m not going to harm you.” Kageyama doesn’t answer, desperately trying to think. No, this is no good. He should tell Oikawa, maybe he will-
“Come on, Tobio. Just a little bit more. You can do it, I know you can.”
“But- It hurts, Tooru... We’ve never… I don’t know about this. Can’t we just… just go like this? I’ll-” He swallows, feeling tears gather in his eyes, but he just doesn’t have it in him to stop them, so he lets them fall freely down his cheeks. “I’ll be good. I’ll be good, so please, I’m-” A pitiful sob rips through Kageyama’s chest, “I’m scare-ed, Toooru”. And Kageyama is shaking uncontrollably, breaths coming out in ragged huffs and hands clutching onto the sheets desperately.
There’s a pause at the other side of the line and Kageyama attempts to muffle his sobs so as not to disturb the tense silence that suddenly overtook the room.
“Do you know what you’re doing, Wakatoshi?”
“Yes. It won’t harm him. But it will hurt if he hasn’t done it before.”
“Tobio-chan? Are you with me?” There’s no response, but Oikawa continues nevertheless. “I want you to let Ushijima in. Can you do that for me?”
“To-oruu…” Kageyama wails.
“Wakatoshi will take good care of you, okay? Tobio?” Oikawa speaks despite the clear sounds of distress on the other side of the line. “I need you to use your words here, Tobio, okay? Come on, breathe in deeply for me.” This time Oikawa waits patiently for Kageyama to get himself together enough to take a shaky breath. “Good, good Tobio. Again. Deep breaths, Tobio-chan.” Oikawa can clearly hear Kageyama struggling to follow through, and when he finally hears the boy inhale and exhale deeply, he smiles to himself fondly. “You with me, Tobio, honey? Talk to me.”
“...I’m he-ere.”
“Good, Tobio, good boy. You’re doing so good. Now, look ahead of you, okay? What do you see?”
“... a- a wall...”
“Yes, Tobio, good. What else?”
“A bed, a pillow… m- my hands.”
“And what do you feel?” Kageyama’s lip quivers uncontrollably.
“Huurts, Tooruu…”
“I know, Tobio. I know. Come on, what do you feel.”
“Ushijima’s dick inside my- my butt.”
“And?”
“His- his hands on my hips… and cold.”
“Good, Tobio-chan. You’re okay.” Oikawa talks calmly, not to distress the boy further. "Ushijima is going to continue now, okay? Listen to him, Tobio, and do as he says. This is important, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.” There’s another pause, as Kageyama mendles everything in his mind. And there’s a lot of it. “Tell me slowly what’s going to happen and what you are going to do, Tobio. Walk me through it, yeah?” Kageyama takes another shaky breath, furrows his brows and tries to get everything straight in his head. He has to stop being a little bitch, he thinks, Oikawa would not let anybody hurt him.
“Ushijima is going to push inside my… push inside me deeper. And I will let him and relax and… do as he says? Because I don’t want to get hurt. So I will do as you say- do as Ushijima says. I’ll be good.”
“Yes, Tobio. That’s right. And you’re going to be okay.”
“...Yeah.”
“Just a little bit more and you’re done. I’m so proud of you, my sweet Tobio. You’re being so, so brave. Such a good boy for me.”
“...Yes.”
“Try getting on your knees.” Ushijima interrupts then. “It will go in easier.” Kageyama can’t help but hesitate, but when Oikawa doesn’t interfere, he lets the hands on his hips guide him up slowly. He winces when the movement causes Ushijima to shift inside him, but eventually he has his hips in the air and turns his head to the side so that he can breathe freely. He glances back briefly and locks eyes with Ushijima again. “Breathe evenly and try pushing out as if you wanted to excrete.” Kageyama cringes inwardly at the words, but after a while he pushes around Ushijima experimentally. The taller man moves his hand from Kageyama’s hip to his back and starts massaging him there soothingly, as he ever so slowly starts moving forward. Kageyama briefly freezes but quickly starts pushing out feverishly, focusing all his strength on the action. Droplets of sweat gather on his forehead from the effort, but he feels that Ushijima is in fact gradually sinking deeper inside, deeper than anything has ever been.
Kageyama can’t exactly pinpoint the sensation at first, other than this intense, excruciating fullness deep in his core, spreading and claiming his entire body, as if Ushijima has filled him to the brim, leaving no space for anything but himself. No space for thought, no doubts, leaving just the pressure and the pain. Almost no space left for Kageyama. And the pain has become dull and constant, but not fogging up his mind any more, but rather a safe, unwavering and comforting presence, reassuring in it’s certainty, filling and clearing up his mind and quieting the buzz. It grounds him in the present moment, everything else outside of this room right now has become comically irrelevant, and Kageyama basks in the calmness and enjoys the freedom of not having to worry about making decisions for himself.
Soon, an unfamiliar, eerie pressure in his abdomen pierces through other sensations and Kageyama slowly looks down. He stares wide-eyed at what was supposed to be his body, not comprehending the image in front of his eyes. He has to blink a couple of times at the visible alien bulge appearing and expanding on his abdomen, as if something was trying to pierce through his skin and emerge from him. And Ushijima keeps pushing forward, slowly and gently, but persistently, and the bulge keeps getting bigger and bigger… Kageyama looks at it, entranced. He watches his body transform, become a vessel for everything Ushijima decides to give him. And Ushijima gives a lot, but not more than he can take. Kageyama feels him slowly fill up the emptiness inside him, an invisible hole that has been a part of him for almost as long as he can remember. And Kageyama lets it happen, melting into submission, his mind finding no more reasons to put up a fight, and he lets himself drift off into the warm comfort of acceptance. He feels the tension lift from his body, the reassuring pain is the only thing preventing him from floating away. Then Ushijima halts.
“It’s in.” He states, and looks down at the boy currently impaled on his dick. His breathing has mostly evened out, he notices, and he doesn’t seem to be in so much pain, but he has his head tucked awkwardly down, like an ostrich. “Are you okay?” The words sound forign to Kageyama, and instead of answering, the boy slowly reaches down to touch his deformed belly. He hesitantly wraps his hand around the outline of Ushijima’s dick.
“It’s in.” He repeats hollowly, keeping his eyes on the bulge with fascination. He’s vaguely aware of Oikawa saying something over the phone but the words blend into a background noise.
“Yeah. I’m going to start moving.” Ushijima places a hand on Kageyama’s nape and squeezes him gently. “Breathe. You’re… You’re doing good.”
First, Ushijima starts to move shallowly. Kageyama lets out a pained grunt at the change of angle, pressing his face into the pillow and squeezing his eyes shut. He feels silent tears start spilling out, but he blinks them away and looks ahead, trying to hold on to the foggy feeling and not let the treacherous clutches of doubt slip by. Eventually his body adjusts to the new pressure and he looks to the side, more relaxed. His eyes focus on Ushijima’s hand resting beside his head. It’s so big. The boy lets his body be rocked back and forth as he silently admires the thick fingers, the veiny wrist and clean fingernails. Then he reaches out and gently grabs one of the man’s fingers. There’s a slight pause in Ushijima’s movements, and Kageyama wonders if he had maybe crossed some unspoken line, but the rocking quickly resumes and Ushijima covers Kageyama’s hand in his bigger one, intertwining their fingers. He squeezes the small, soft hand and Kageyama has to blink a couple of times as his vision begins to blur. When this doesn’t help, he decides to close his eyes and follow the rhythm of their joined bodies, as he slowly reaches the other hand down and cups the moving bulge in his stomach. He feels as if he's floating. Ushijima’s persistent thrusts push him forward, deeper and deeper into the blissful nothingness. He no longer feels the bed underneath himself, the cold, or the fear. It’s all right now. All there’s left is the fullness and the warmth radiating from Ushijima’s body, warming him up from the inside.
Ushijima’s thrusts are stiff and regular, almost mechanical, but eventually they flutter a bit and the hand resting on Kageyama’s nape squeezes harder, pushing his face down into the pillow. Kageyama feels Ushijima spill inside him and he rubs his belly absentmindedly. It’s there. So deep inside him. He smiles softly to himself, his mind fuzzy and comfortable, as the warmth from Ushijima’s release spreads throughout his entire body. Content, he snuggles to the big hand next to his face and inhales the musky scent. He feels Ushijima’s eyes on him, but he can’t bring himself to exactly care, and soon he feels the hand hesitantly move from his nape to his head and start to awkwardly pat his hair, which Kageyama accepts gratefully, leaning into the touch.
“Amah got…” He mumbles. The hand in his hair halts briefly and he feels Ushijima's eyes fixated on his relaxed profile.
“What was that?”
“Am I good?” Another pause.
“Yeah, you’re good. You’re very good. Tobio.”
Kageyama hums softly and shifts, trying to find a more comfortable position. He lets out a muffled moan at Ushijima’s dick shifting inside him in the process. Noticing this, Ushijima picks up on his clumsy attempts and leads their joined bodies carefully, so that he’s spooning the smaller boy, still buried inside him. They stay like that for a while, Kageyama all but purring into Ushijima’s hand and Ushijima patting his hair silently. At some point Kageyama cracks one eye open to briefly glance at the phone, but the screen is dark, the connection long broken. He blinks once, his mind tingles gently, but he decides to mull the possibilities and implications over later.
Eventually Ushijima slowly slides out, making Kageyama wince despite himself. He feels his muscles unsuccessfully attempt to close up on the air and he tucks his legs up, hugging his belly. He feels the drowsiness and the familiar grayness of apathy threaten to overtake him as he curls into himself. He hears Ushijima walk around the apartment but doesn’t pay him much mind. He vaguely registers him moving stuff around in the bathroom, and soon he comes back with a wet towel and a glass of water. When Kageyama doesn’t open his eyes or acknowledge his presence, he puts the water on the nightstand and Kageyama feels the bed dip next to him, then a gentle but firm hand pushing his cheeks apart. The boy cracks his eyes open and looks back warily, but Ushijima just briefly checks him up and wipes the sweat and cum from his behind. Then he sets the towel back and stares at the naked form in front of him with an unreadable expression. Kageyama looks back silently.
“I put my number in your phone. In case you ever need a place to stay for a while.” Kageyama looks at him with a confused expression, then his mind clears up a bit and he looks away, at the plain wall in front of him. He doesn't respond. Ushijima glances back at the black haired boy and nods in silent understanding, then covers him with a blanket. Kageyama keeps his eyes fixed on the blank wall as Ushijima turns off the lights without uttering another word. He listens to the man walk through the apartment and close the door behind himself.
He’s alone again. And he’s back in his bed, almost as if nothing happened. As if everything, the warmth, the calmness, the fullness was just a… And he’s under the covers now, too. He can leave the teeth for tomorrow. Now he’s just too sleepy, the weariness from an hour ago downs on him, as if it was waiting patiently for him to stop being useful. Kageyama closes his eyes and watches the darkness as it slowly slips into his mind.