Chapter Text
I'm awake.
I'm awake but I can't move.
Izuku attempts to move his arm but nothing happens.
He tries again.
Nothing.
As Izuku struggles to move, the feeling of dread washes over him. There's a heavy pressure around his body as if there's a giant human-shaped boulder laying on top of him. Panic rises within when he realizes something bad is clearly going on. He tries to wiggle his toes, his fingers, anything, but any attempt to shift his body was fruitless. He can, however, feel his eyes moving, so he verifies it by slowly opening his eyes, then trying to adjust to the darkness that is hopefully his room. Izuku is relieved that he still has his sight, however, the ease is short-lived as he remembers that he still can't move anything else. His heart is pounding loud in his ears, eyes darting frantically around trying to take in his surroundings. Calming down a little after realizing he's still in his dorm room and not kidnapped in an unknown space. His mind may be calmer, but his heart is still beating at an abnormally fast rate. That's definitely not normal and it's worrying.
The information he has so far is that he can't move his head. Or his arms. Or legs. The only thing he can move is his eyes. He sees the light on the ceiling, the posters on his wall, a crack of moonlight coming through his All-Might themed curtains, a blurry desk in his peripheral, and out of the very corner of his eye he can see his clock. 23:57. The last time he checked the time before succumbing to sleep, it was around 22:45. So it's barely been an hour since Izuku went to bed. No wonder he felt extremely groggy and disoriented. Being panicked and tired wasn't a great combination but he's dealt with worse. He manages to take a shaky breath and reanalyzes the situation.
Is this sleep paralysis? Maybe not since I don't see or hear any hallucinations. I already tried to move, but that didn't work. This really doesn't seem like a dream either. My thoughts are too coherent for that. It's also not like when the past users of One for All showing me something. I'll try to activate One for All...
Okay. Nothing happened. Great. What's going on? Why is it not working? Is it because I can't move my body? This is like Shinsou-kun's quirk... but worse. Shinsou-kun's quirk gives more of a calming effect but whatever this is, is terrifying. Even if I can think clearly, I still feel uncomfortable and.. afraid. At least more than I usually am. I'm- I'm scared. How did I get into this mess? Why is it always me? I need to tell someone. But I can't say anything. No words are coming out of my mouth. There's no way of contacting anyone. I don't think I can do anything by myself like this. I've exhausted my resources already. Which is just my quirk. Which didn't work. So now I need to call for help. How am I suppose to inform someone of my situation? I need to tell Aizawa-Sensei but how? Oh no. No no no no, I need to call sensei or a classmate. Literally anyone. No, please... I need to-
Izuku abruptly sits up. Well, his body does so without him being in control. His vision is slightly blurry. His mind suddenly feels hazy, unable to properly contemplate over anything too much. There's a raw feeling deep in his mind that is echoing closer. Something deep within that's trying to explode out. Crawling its way to the surface of his mind. Something he felt all too well in the past. A familiar feeling.
The feeling of worthlessness.
As if the neatly tucked away box of insecurities has open up in his mind and breaking free into his consciousness. Slowly and menacingly seeping out ready to cause trouble for its owner. Izuku is mentally wincing at each word being thrown at him. Worthless, useless, quirkless, a waste of a hero, not deserving of a quirk that doesn't belong to him... being taunted for everything he hates about himself. Every negative belief he's thought of at least once. Words blending together and repeating over
and over
and over.
Izuku's breath quickens again and he feels tears welling up in his eyes. He attempts to block out the pain and once again tries to concentrate. He looks over to his clock that's on his bedside table again, this time with a full view. 00:02. Everything is fuzzy, mentally and visually. He struggles to keep track of what is happening exactly, but the confused and tired boy does all he can.
Izuku's body moves his legs to the floor and stands. Moving one leg forward and tripping over the blanket that he wishes he could've moved out of the way causing a small bruise to form on his knee.
Ow... Just what exactly is going on?
With the fabric twisting between his legs, he stood back up and proceed to walk straight to the entryway. His hand moves to open the door. Izuku hopes it's loud enough for someone to take notice, but he doesn't detect any movements from the open space of the hall. He starts to panic again trying to go through everything he's been taught that might help to get out of this bizarre situation. There's nothing he can think of that would aid him and he gradually loses confidence in handling this on his own.
Wait.. where- where exactly am I going?
As Izuku's mind still struggles to take control over his own body, it moves out of his room leaving his blanket on the floor trailing to the door that is left open. With his head facing the front, he can see the large windows showing the clear night sky. He wonders if anyone is awake at this time. Everyone was exhausting from training today so he doesn't doubt that most of his classmates would be asleep by now. Just like he should be, but that was unfortunately cut short. Though he does feel like he didn't do enough during training... he needs to work harder to catch up to Kacchan.
W̸o̵r̴t̴h̷l̶e̷s̵s̷.̵
Distorted remarks are still ringing in his mind causing pain with each shallow breath he can manage to draw in. Izuku's body moves with a goal in mind. As he walks past his classmate's rooms, he tries to scream for help but all that comes out are his shuddering breaths. He wonders if they can hear him and is deciding to just ignore it or if they are truly unaware. He then wonders if he really thinks his classmates would not care or if it's because he's being influenced by whatever this is. He knows his friends would never do something like that. They're all heroes so it would be illogical to not follow up on any distress. So why is that not convincing enough?
P̵o̵i̸n̵t̷l̴e̷s̸s̷.̷
He slowly makes his way to the stairs at the end of the hall and proceeds to climb up. He wonders why he doesn't take the elevator but doesn't come to any reason that would be relevant. The hallways are empty and silent aside from the building's ambiance and the soft thumps of his bare footsteps. He takes under consideration that he might be under the effects of a quirk. He ponders on why that wasn't his first guess as he's usually pretty smart with these theories. Even if he knows what is causing his body to be in control by some outside source, it doesn't help enough to get out of the effects of the quirk right away. He really can't help himself here. There's no way he can do anything at this point. After all, he's...
U̸̘̮̒s̷̳̒ȇ̴̖̔l̸͔̆̀e̴͎̙͘š̵̡͘s̸̯̏̆.̷͍̺͘
After a few twists and turns, he stops at the last floor in front of the door that leads right outside to the rooftop.
The roof...?
Izuku's hand reaches towards the doorknob and feels the resistance of the lock. It turns the knob again harder until it broke under the pure strength of determination. The door is yanked away from the entrance and slams against the wall. The moonlight shines down on the surface of the roof's floor tiles reflecting everything around the area. Izuku squints at the brightness of the full moon. His body stills for a moment, then starts heading towards the roof's edge causing his anxiety to bubble up inside of him more than it already was. The voices in his mind getting louder and more personal the closer he gets to the ledge. Repeating the same detrimental words over and over again. A crowd of voices that are chattering, shrieking and crying. Slowly sounding more distorted and unhinged giving Izuku an intolerable headache pulsating against his head. He wants to cover his ears. Do anything that'll make it stop even though he knows it would be futile. After a moment, it abruptly stops and there's just one small voice echoing in his consciousness.
D̴i̷e̸.̶
No.
I̷ ̵w̶a̷n̷t̶ ̷t̷o̷ ̶d̵i̵e̸.̴ ̷
Stop.
W̷o̴r̷t̵h̶l̶e̵s̶s̷.̷ ̶ Just like t̸h̸e̶y̷ said. P̵r̶o̴v̸e̸ them r̵i̵g̵h̷t̴. Never deserved a̸n̶y̴t̵h̴i̸n̴g̸ that was given. Quirkless l̷o̴s̵e̷r̴. Die.
Please.
die
Die.
dIE.
DIE.
I can't do that. I- I don't want to do that.
Not anymore.
In the panic of the inevitable doom that is just a few steps away, Izuku tries his hardest to call forth One for All again. He feels nothing.
He wants to scream.
Scream even though he can't.
Scream because he can't save himself.
Scream because he knows what's going to happen soon.
Scream out for anyone to hear him.
Scream out that he's here.
His vision is going in and out of focus like a lens. But he sees them. He sees the past predecessors in front of him. An amalgamate of shadows staring at him sending reassurance. A new feeling rises within the noises in his subconscious. A familiar yet far away feeling. It makes its way resurfacing into his mind with the presence of One for All's past users.
The feeling of hope.
He feels a certain familiar pressure that is his quirk. Small green flashes of lightning dance around his limbs and body but he's still approaching death.
It's working? It's working! If I can just-
Sweat drips down his temples at the same rate as his tears. He tries to blink away the drops however once fallen, more just replaces it, keeping a constant stream of sorrow flowing down his pale face. The fighting of his mind and his body is getting worse and more painful the stronger he tries to use One for All. He musters all he can to hold on to the power but he feels the negative energy pushing One for All away causing it to dwindle from underneath his grasp.
I can't fight it. I can't do anything. I'm going to die. I don't even know how it got like this. No one's going to find out. They'll- They'll think I actually tried to- finally succeed in…
Someone
Anyone
Please, I can't end it like this. I can't do this.
Help me.
His body turns around when he steps up to the ledge and his eyes go wide in fear. His vision is blurry from his tears but he sees a shadow appear again, now by the doorway. The group of past holders. They're trying to help but it's no use. He thinks they're shouting something but he can't hear it over all the screaming in his mind. It's too late. He feels his body tip over, a rush of wind, and then
he falls.