Chapter Text
A gun held at your brain, finger ready to pull the trigger, the world waiting to hear the loud bang.
Yet you didn’t move a single inch, didn’t breathe another word.
Why are you torturing me with that sliver of hope?
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Pico was always sure to keep everything to himself. What was the point of sharing the life that took away a normal childhood? Why relive it in your brain? Everything was best kept secret, buried deep down, so you wouldn’t have to worry about it nearly as much as you would if you said that shit out loud. If they knew, they also kept quiet. If they didn’t, oh well. The only ones that wanted to know were gossipy fucks anyway, and they didn’t need to hear that shit just to keep their monkey brains entertained.
It wasn’t like he was trying to pretend it didn’t happen. Of course it did. That school shooting, all those fuckheads got hold of any and every weapon possible.. He was in the middle of it. The “hero” or.. No, not hero. Being a hero was bullshit. He lived another day out of pure spite.
“You want me dead? Fuck you, now I’m gonna stay alive.”
But just because he lived through it doesn’t mean he wasn’t a victim. He was never close to too many people, but he always swore he could see someone in the corner of his eye. He could hear someone right behind him. He could almost feel a hand graze his own, begging for help, wanting him dead, something to happen--
BANG!!
With a shaky hand and crazed expression, Pico glared at the new bullet hole decorating his floor, faint steam fizzing from the mark. It couldn’t be helped. Whenever those voices got too loud, too real.. He had to shut it down. He used his bullets on the floors and walls than on actual people at this point. It was honestly a miracle that the cops weren’t called on him for constant shots. That was probably the one benefit in living in a shit place such as this.
“Fuck..” Pico finally breathed out, throwing his hand as if to toss his gun, but he never let go. He couldn’t. The gun always stood with him. It was the one thing to keep him together, even though it was the main source of his troubles in the first place.
He needed fresh air. Now.
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“C’mon, it was ONE note slip! Even I can make mistakes like that, right??”
“I dunno, can you~?”
A couple walking down the street in the small city were laughing with each other.. Well ok, the amber haired lady was laughing at her blue haired lover boy, whose face was as red as her skirt. Other than the occasional car drive by, the streets could easily hear their conversation, as if it was national tv. Not like they cared. All their attention was on each other, especially with the girl teasing the other.
“You’re never gonna let me live this down, are you, Ami?” The boyfriend whined, making “Ami” giggle again. Dammit, even though she was laughing at him, she was still adorable as hell about it.
“You know I’m only teasing you, Keith.” She leaned down and kissed his cheek, playing with his hair that stuck out from under his red cap. “You still sang perfectly in my ears. It’s just silly how much you brag about being the perfect rapper.”
Keith huffed, kicking at a random rock on the floor. “Yeah, well.. Still am.”
“Of course you are, sweetie.”
“And YOU’RE the perfect girlfriend, so there!” he exclaimed, suddenly hugging her tight and kissing under her chin, her laughter filling him with such pride. Nothing else mattered than his girlfriend’s smile and happiness. Nothing..
“You lovebirds wanna fuck elsewhere, or d’you just not give a shit?”
A rude tone spat at the air behind them, startling the couple and almost making Keith fall back. He got ready to bark back at whoever wanted to start a fight, but he froze in place once he saw the voice’s owner. “Pico??”
Sure enough, Pico was standing with his hands in his pockets, but it seemed like it took a second to realize who was in front of them, seeing as how his rude demeanor softened. He didn’t feel like taking his words back, but instead smirked and said, “Won’t Amelia’s parents come and chew yer ass off if they saw ya’ bein’ all ‘doki-doki’ with each other? You grew some balls, Keith~”
Keith responded with a playful punch to his arm, returning Pico’s grin with his own. “What, you got sent over for round 2? I already won against them a month ago, I think it’s safe to say I’m untouchable!”
“It’s not.” Amelia words shot at Keith’s pride, but she only smiled and hugged him from behind, resting her head on his own. Pico wondered if she had actually gotten taller.. “But they’re out for business lately, so we haven’t had to worry about them.” She looked over at Pico, her usual gentle eyes making contact with his tired ones. “It’s been awhile, Pico. How’ve you been?”
“Ehh. Usual.” He shrugged, his right hand coming out to scratch the back of his head, forcing his left tucked into his hoodie pocket. “Just came out for some air.” Of course he hadn't planned to meet up with anyone, especially these two, but somehow.. He felt a lot more at ease. Definitely less tense than their first reunion, where he was sent out to actually kill Keith. He didn’t go through with it, obviously, and most of him is relieved he didn’t.
The small part regretted losing that $10k offer.
“Hey, we’re gonna grab some pizza now. Come with us!” Keith spoke up, squeezing Amelia’s arms and smiling like a kid. “We got offered a free pizza pie for winning in a rap battle, so don’t worry about having to pay for us~” he teased, reaching over to tug at Pico’s arm.
Pico pulled it back and almost wanted to decline, but his stomach gave him away. Truth be told, he hadn’t eaten anything the whole day, and it was almost night time at this point. Plus, it was free food. Still, he couldn’t look TOO excited about it.. For reasons he wasn’t quite sure why.
“Yeah, fuck it. I’ll come.”
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Something Pico noticed was how touchy-feely this couple was to each other.
After the battle between them, they only really kept contact through texting and a few in-person meetups. Keith loved to gush about Amelia, and Amelia liked to talk about random topics. Pico learned it was because she knew he wasn’t much of a talker himself, so she would ramble about whatever came to mind, and he’d listen. To be honest, it was nice. And even though Keith loved his girl, they both knew how to mess with each other, shit talking one another and laughing at people tripping over themselves.
But he never noticed them being close like this before, until now.
Amelia liked to brush Keith’s hair through her fingers, even though most was covered by the cap. Keith liked to touch her hands, her arm, her shoulders, her cheek… wherever he could touch skin, he would. They both liked to lean against one another, sneak a kiss on a hand or cheek, being so close like they lived off each other.
If this was a random couple, Pico would be barfing right now.
The couple talked most of the time about something funny that happened, their daily life, asking if Pico knew about this or that; and Pico would just listen, nodding and responding whenever the attention was on him. He hadn’t listened to every word they said, but he paid attention enough to know what they were going off about. Part of him felt like a third wheel, even though he knew they were doing everything they could to make him feel included. It was nice.
“So nice..”
…..
“So so nice…”
Why couldn’t it stay nice?
“Can I laugh too..? It’s funny.. Haha..”
A new damn voice hummed beside him, making his whole body tense up. Pico didn’t dare turn to see who was speaking, because he knew he wouldn’t see anyone. He never did. He never will. Yet the voice kept humming, circling around him, giving him goosebumps and making his eyes tremble.
“I want to be happy.. So nice.. I want to laugh to.. Sooo niiice..”
Shut up already.
“Why can’t I be happy..”
Shut up dammit..
“I was nice.. I was so.. Soo..”
SHUT UP!!
Sudden hands grabbed at his own, pulling them under the table, away from bystanders’ view. Pico's brain began to function, only to realize his breathing was heavy and out of order, his body cold yet sweating a storm. His blurry vision slowly began to clear and saw Keith’s hands firmly holding his own… or rather, the top of his hands.
Pico had taken out his gun.
“Pico?? Are you ok..?” Keith’s voice rang in Pico’s ears, yet Pico hesitated to look up. When he did, Keith looked at him with concern and fear, as well as Amelia, who wanted to reach over to hold his hand as well. The pizzeria was full of murmurs and casual conversations, yet the silence between them was literally choking him. He wanted to run away so bad.
“I… it’s nothing.. Let go..” Pico forced himself to answer, trying to pull his hands away, but Keith was stronger than him right now.
“Pico, you were telling us to shut up..” Amelia spoke softly. “Were we upsetting you? Were you..” she didn’t finish her sentence, her glance at the gun finishing it for her.
Shit, he was saying it out loud. And they thought he was talking about them. And they thought he was gonna..
“No. I wasn’t gonna fuckin’..” dammit, why was his voice still shaky?? “I said it’s nothing, it’s not you guys..”
“Then what’s going on? You can talk to us.” Keith’s grip softened, but he didn’t let go quite yet. He was worried as hell. When Pico forced his hands to relax, he could tell Keith was trembling a bit too. “You wanna get out of here to talk about it? We wanna help, so--”
Without warning, Pico swiped his hands away, immediately stuffing the gun back into his pockets. He stood up and dodged Keith’s attempt at grabbing him again, dashing out the pizzeria like his life depended on it. The last thing he heard was Keith calling out for him, but all he could do was run. He didn’t want to look back, didn’t want to think back.
He just wanted to be alone.