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In Crow's opinion, the worst thing about having to work with the Phantom Thieves to escape Maruki's reality is that none of them can actually think, Joker included, and every day they do another stupid stunt in Mementos is another handful of salt on the wound Crow still nurses from having been outsmarted by some greasy boy who lives in an attic, some delinquents, a NEET, and a magical talking cat. He virtually bullies his way up to the front seat so he can order Joker to stop driving into dark corners full of shadows for the sheer fun of it, and even then--"Sorry, Crow, I didn't hear that," says Joker, turning up the Skull's playlist volume as he spots another group of Shadows and floors it.
The catbus yowls when Joker flattens three Shadows in one go and skids past his victims. Skull whoops. "Hit 'n run!"
Joker throws open the driver's side door. Panther cheers like a little kid. "Alright! Let's clean these shadows up!"
"They're super, duper strong," Oracle says. "Aaaaand there's maybe seven of them. Are you sure about this, Joker?"
Joker's already out the car door. "I'm s--"
Crow lunges and grabs Joker by the shoulder before he can think too hard about all the rest of Joker's merry band of phantom thieves watching them. "Absolutely not," Crow says.
"Buzzkill," Panther mutters without venom.
"Aren't you all supposed to be noble thieves for justice instead of delinquents bullying shadows for fun?" Crow demands.
"Mmm," says Queen. "If we can do both, what's the problem?"
"It's dangerous, firstly!"
"It's only—" Joker counts quickly. "Oh, there's eight."
"Whoops. Eight shadows," says Oracle.
Crow hates the Phantom Thieves on principle. Sometimes, Crow hates the Phantom Thieves for being the stupidest, dumbest pack of idiots who somehow managed to bumble their way into Shido's palace and ruin Crow's life's work. Crow especially hates them when they're flippant with Joker's life. "Eight shadows who you yourself have said are extremely powerful, in the depths of Mementos while we're low on magic and healing items—"
"—one of them is weak!" Oracle says.
"—when we've been at this for five hours—"
"I'll swap Panther out of the front line," says Joker dismissively.
"For who?! You swapped Panther in to replace Queen because Queen was low on magic!"
"It'll be fine," Joker says, and takes another step around the corner into the shadow's line of vision, which is when Crow realizes he's had his hand on Joker's shoulder the entire time because this is how Crow drags him backwards like a disobedient cat.
"You are not invincible," Crow says.
Joker's smirk has the glint and curve of a fishhook. "How would you know?"
Skull clears his throat. Noir giggles nervously and whispers something in Queen's ear.
"Because I have been this deep in Mementos before, and I know shadows this deep are not to be underestimated—"
"Maybe for you." Behind Joker's mask, Crow can catch the corner of Akira's eyebrow raising. "Are you admitting you couldn’t handle a couple shadows, Crow?”
"Shit," Oracle mumbles.
Crow can't help the way his eyes narrow. If Joker is at all worried about the pointed tips of Crow's helmet moving dangerously close to his eye, Joker doesn't show it at all. "On the contrary, nothing about your pack of vigilante schoolchildren makes me think that you can handle those shadows, Joker."
"I'm sure I can handle just about anything. After all--" Joker almost visibly purrs "--I handled you just fine."
Skull makes a cut-off choking noise at the sultry way Joker says the word handled. Crow ignores him with a sneer. "You're just asking to be shot full of holes."
Joker leans a little closer. "Last time you checked, I was pretty bulletproof."
"If you keep this up," Crow says, "I will be happy to check again."
"Sounds like a date," Joker says with that obnoxiously deep baritone that Crow can feel in his gut and Crow swears he is going to wrap his fingers around Joker's arrogant little neck and—
"OKAY," says Skull very loudly, "what if—what if we all got back in the Monabus, and, uh, agreed no more weird conversations about potential murder--"
Joker and Crow blink out of their daze. Panther laughs nervously, too forced. "Hahaha yep! Let's take a drink of water, and maybe a cold shower--or I guess we don't have a shower in the Monabus but you know what I mean—"
"Wow what a great idea," Oracle says quickly, "okay all in favor, say aye—great!—we're all in agreement—let's go, time to move! Go go go go!"
"I call shotgun!" Panther says loudly.
"I call middle seat," says Queen.
"As do I," says Fox.
"And me!" says Noir.
"Looks like Crow will just have to sit in the back of the Monabus away from Joker," Oracle announces very loudly, "what a terrible shame—"
"What's going on?" says the catbus.
"Nothing!" Oracle says, just as Skull mutters something about leaving room for Jesus and Crow realizes he still has not removed his hand from Joker's shoulder and snatches it away. "Uhh, we've decided we're not gonna go beat up those shadows after all!"
Joker watches him snatch his hand away. "At least your team has some common sense," says Crow at last.
"What a shame," says Joker. "I could do with less of that around you."
"JOKER," says Panther pointedly.
Joker waves at her. "That doesn't even make sense," Crow tells him irritably, and marches away before Joker can say anything else to publicly embarrass the both of them or notice the red color across Crow's cheeks.