Work Text:
Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
It's me, I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
'Cause you're doing it perfectly
Adam Lambert - Whataya Want from Me
“Why didn’t you tell me you have a nickname for me?” Yuliang looks up from the couch the moment Shunxi enters the door that he left slightly open for him.
When he found out earlier during the day, the news that his boyfriend has a public side account, posting his filming diary on it, he didn’t think of it much at first. But then he noticed some things and references sounding familiar in those posts. And it didn’t take long for him to connect the dots and put one and one together. Especially, in the ones obviously concerning him. At first he felt angry and a bit betrayed that his lover kept something like this from him, but then his mind took him a few steps further from his emotions and he realized it wasn't because Shunxi wanted to lie to him. The account was public, after all, Yuliang was free to find it just like anyone else. Shunxi wasn’t ashamed of the things he wrote (and some of them were… well, a bit intimate considering the events they were referring to, which Yuliang remembers very clearly). Rather, Shunxi maybe wasn’t able to express all of these out loud but didn’t want to keep them bottled up either - so a public account it was.
Yuliang went through a lot during that afternoon, after it all blew up. He even looked at their supertopic and to his surprise it wasn’t as bad. In fact, it was on the contrary, mostly positive. They were saying nice things about him - like what a good person he must be that Shunxi obviously loves him so much, writes such warm things about him and considers him an important part of his life. To be honest, Yuliang’s eyes got watery a few times when he saw things on that account like “a gentle couple”, “life’s happiness is this” or being referred to as “gentleness”. He’s aware that it’s more like a code name for him since it corresponds with the female lead of the current drama as well, but still, it made him feel things .
They haven’t been dating for long, only for a few months, although there was always something between them ever since… well, maybe ever since they’ve met. But it got definitely deeper during the shooting of Ultimate Note, their connection felt very natural and even sort of intimate. So, of course, they’ve been both aware of each other’s feelings for some time now but Shunxi isn’t exactly the type who would shower Yuliang with confessions or compliments. And that’s alright, honestly, it feels good the way it is. But it’s not his boyfriend’s fault that there are still some insecurities hiding in the ugliest parts of Yuliang’s mind. Some of them make him doubt himself and his worth, they make him feel incredibly protective and jealous at times too. There is still a lingering fear in his heart that Shunxi will leave him, meet someone better, and it will all slip through his fingers.
But to see it all written like this, black on white, even if it’s hidden in Shunxi’s own style of encrypted thoughts, it was… a lot. It made Yuliang realize, he’s not the only one who’s wearing his heart on his sleeve. Maybe, for a little bit, he wasn’t entirely sure if Shunxi feels as serious about him as Yuliang does. But those posts, they were full of so many gentle, unashamed, and brave thoughts, presented and formed into a bouquet of sweet-smelling flowers. And now, there is no trance of anger left in Yuliang anymore, only immense affection. He knows that both of them are serious about each other, even though they express it differently. And even if he didn’t find this public account today, sooner or later, Shunxi would have let him know in his own way.
Shunxi closes the door slowly and his expression is unreadable but his eyes are big and maybe a bit wary, he’s trying to gauge Yuliang's reaction. And, god, Yuliang wants to skip all the talking and just kiss him. But he knows it’s not the right thing to do. Not yet.
“I thought you would laugh,” Shunxi shrugs and walks closer after taking off his shoes and sits down carefully next to him on the couch. Yuliang looks at him for a second; connecting all the pieces of scattered thoughts and affections he’s read today to the person next to him. What a complex and wonderful human being his lover is, it never ceases to amaze him. Yuliang smiles, slightly emotional again, and shakes his head before reaching for Shunxi’s hand that’s still chilled from Beijing’s cold February air. He squeezes the slender fingers in his own and then, without warning, pulls Shunxi into a hug and buries his face into the soft hoodie underneath the padded jacket.
“Never,” he finally says and inhales the familiar scent of his boyfriend’s cologne with a shaky breath. He can feel the tension seeping out of Shunxi’s body and his arms wrapping firmly around him in return. They stay like this for a while, just hugging and sorting out their emotions. Shunxi probably expected a different reaction but at the same time, he obviously wasn’t too worried, he already knows Yuliang well enough. They always talk things out, even if for a while it might seem like an argument, but they talk and that’s what matters.
“But damn, A-Xi, did you have to share with the world that you lost your virginity that night?” Yuliang groans and laughs into Shunxi’s shoulder. He can feel long fingers carding through his hair and his lover’s voice vibrating through his chest as he laughs and answers.
“I’m not ashamed to have been a virgin! Or even telling the world I lost that status,” Shunxi is a bit red in the face when Yuliang looks up and he has to grin at this cuteness. He leans his forehead to Shunxi’s and rubs the nape of his neck with his fingers. Yuliang feels really happy at the moment, that memory is very precious for both of them and it will stay theirs no matter if anyone else knows, that much is true.
“Am I gentle, though? Was I gentle enough, huh?” Yuliang teases him and the reaction is almost instantaneous as Shunxi groans and kisses him instead of answering. By now, Yuliang very well knows that it’s Shunxi’s way of agreeing but also being too embarrassed to admit it combined with a fake-annoyance by Yuliang’s insufferable existence.
They will talk more later but for now it’s time to give way to all the emotions and the frustration that built up over the day. Yuliang licks into Shunxi’s mouth and angles his head so he can deepen their kiss. He’s been waiting to do this ever since he’s read all of those small pieces of thoughts about himself, pieces that grew into the big warm feelings in his chest. They’re making out and Yuliang slides the jacket off Shunxi’s shoulders before pressing him to the back of the couch as he moans into his mouth in delight.
Yuliang feels like he’s unable to stop kissing Shunxi tonight, it’s not that much about being horny or wanting to fuck his boyfriend, but about all those tender feelings flowing out of his heart like a river and making him go a little bit crazy with love. He’s been such a fool all his life, thinking it mattered in any way what gender the person he falls in love has. Right now, kissing this boy, it really doesn’t matter to him, he loves Shunxi's soul and mind as well as his body.
They forget about time on the couch for a good hour and lose most of their clothes in the process, Yuliang makes the executive decision to move them to the bedroom. They stumble around the small apartment before falling on the spacious bed. Yuliang slides down Shunxi’s body, while ridding him of the last pieces of his clothing, and leaves behind slow wet kisses, latching for a moment on one cute nipple and listens with delight to the sounds his lover makes in response. Tonight, he really wants to take good care of his boy. Shunxi deserves everything good there is in the world, the sky and the stars, Yuliang is ready to give it to him all.
He dives even lower and takes Shunxi in his mouth, without any teasing or warning, and almost grins at the surprised gasp and a whine the younger one lets out. Slender fingers card through his hair and tug at the longer strands at the back; Yuliang really loves that feeling and stubbornly keeps them longer so Shunxi can squeeze and tug at his hair every time they fuck. Yuliang finally puts his wicked mouth to a good use and sucks his boyfriend’s cock like it’s a statement. And maybe it is, maybe he wants to make Shunxi feel so good like no one else ever has. There is still that little possessive streak running through his blood like a hot fire, whenever he thinks that he’s not the first person to touch him in this way, to make him feel good. Yes, he’s the first partner Shunxi let close enough to give him his virginity but he’s not his first in everything else and that honestly drives him a bit mad.
It’s not like Yuliang was a virgin himself, but in a way Shunxi meant a lot of ‘firsts’ for him - first boyfriend, first person he’s been serious about, first love. Despite Yuliang’s countless experiences, he’s never given his heart away, not fully anyway. He’s been always guarded and distant, focusing rather on the fun than the feelings, at some point they even seemed unnecessary. He knows it was out of fear, a fear of heartbreak and loss, of not being good enough, of not being loved back. But somehow, this boy he met a few years ago, slowly grew into his heart and one day he found himself hopelessly pining and unable to forget every single thing about him. Love really is unpredictable like that.
Yuliang gets lost in his head for a moment as he works on his boyfriend’s cock and it’s Shunxi’s voice that brings him back, he’s calling his name in between his moans trying to make him stop. He pulls off with a pop and licks his reddened lips, tasting some precome and realizing Shunxi is probably close but doesn’t want to come just yet. Yuliang can relate, he’s been painfully hard for a while now and would like them to come together, and preferably while he’s inside him too.
“Let me fuck you, A-Xi, please,” Yuliang kisses Shunxi’s palm that’s caressing his cheek. He loves seeking approval from him while also making him flustered, it’s so satisfying. Even little things like these can make his heart soar. Shunxi tuggs him up and Yuliang slides along his body, agile like a cat, and grins down at his boyfriend. Shunxi’s big eyes glitter in the dimly lit room, all soft and unguarded, so innocent it breaks Yuliang apart. He loves him so much it feels almost unreal, like his own body and mind are unable to contain so many feelings inside. But they’re all there, even though no one can see it, they’re there all the time, every second of every day.
Yuliang leans down slowly and kisses Shunxi with all that gentleness he possesses.
Later, when he starts opening up Shunxi with slicked fingers, Yuliang realizes just how fragile his lover is. And how much responsibility he carries every day not to hurt him. It’s a dangerous business - this whole love thing. And that’s why Yuliang puts all of his efforts into it, each and every day, to take good care of this precious boy in his arms. To be the best version of himself for him.
Shunxi writhes and whines into their kiss, getting impatient, but Yuliang is going to be extra careful with him tonight and take his time. They’ve gained some experience together already, after all both of them enjoy each other’s bodies quite a lot, but Yuliang is still a bit nervous and especially knowing his own size. Only when he’s absolutely sure he won’t hurt him he withdraws and reaches for a condom package, tearing it open with his teeth by habit, and slips it on quickly with a practiced ease.
Yuliang gathers Shunxi in his arms as he starts sliding inside, he tries not to get too excited despite how good it feels. His heart is going a mile a minute as soon as he’s fully in but he keeps himself still, with all that control of a dancer, making sure his lover has time to adjust. Their heavy breaths are mingling, faces only millimeters away, and Yuliang feels like he’s in the safest place in the world. He really wishes he could have this forever.
Shunxi pulls him in for another kiss and Yuliang starts to move, slow shallow thrusts while he adjusts the younger boy’s legs a bit higher. Funny thing, even during their first time, they didn’t have any problem at all to coordinate their movements. Thanks to that very hot summer they spent together through mud and sweat, their bodies work like a single unit and in a perfect sync. Yuliang slides one hand through Shunxi’s hair, gently cradling the top of his head so he doesn’t slip forward or knock his head on the headboard. It’s not really a conscious thought anymore, to take care of every little thing Shunxi might need or wish for, it’s already become an instinct beyond Yuliang’s control.
Yuliang’s muscles burn with the slow intensity of his thrusts and he loves every second of that sweet pain. His lover presses him close, fingers digging into his back and probably leaving slight bruises. All of these sensations suddenly overlap in his mind with the Shunxi’s words, with the way the younger boy loves him, and his heart squeezes with an indescribable emotion. Without even realizing it, Yuliang starts gasping into Shunxi’s neck as warm tears trickle down his cheeks against his will. He presses his forehead to Shunxi’s temple and quietly confesses his own deepest feelings, ripping his heart out and offering it on a silver platter.
I love you, I love you, god, I love you so fucking much, A-Xi...
Their movements quicken and there are no more words needed, just pure and raw emotions tearing through them like a storm. Shunxi frames Yuliang’s face in his hands and kisses every tear on his face with so much tenderness that Yuliang is almost unable to accept it. He grins through his tears, happier than he’s ever been, all because of this wonderful boy.
It takes them a long time to finish, they keep stopping and just kissing or gazing at each other, prolonging it and torturing each other on purpose. All of it just so they can extend this moment and chase an eternity together. But eventually, neither of them can go on for much longer, they’re exhausted and on the verge of losing their minds with lust. And as they reach the peak almost in sync, shaking and clutching each other as they gasp in and moan in pleasure, those few seconds really feel eternal.
Sated and content, Yuliang lays next to his boyfriend, gentle fingers tracing his damp skin, and just watches his profile as the younger boy tries to catch his breath. This day and this night is yet again something no one can take from them, even if the whole world knows they’re in love. It’s a memory that only two of them share and Yuliang will cherish it like a precious gem, tucked away with all the other memories about the boy he fell in love with. Because today, Xiao Yuliang found out that Zeng Shunxi loves him back just as much.