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The first thought Jiang Yanli had when she happened upon Wen guniang training with her sword in the back mountains was, “beautiful.”
She paused on the path and just watched as the other young lady moved confidently in a swirl of red cloth and glinting steel.
The second though she had was, “Mother.”
Because she saw the look of concentration and dedication on Wen guniang’s face and recognized the fierceness, the strength.
The third thought she had, when a pulse of dizziness hit her sharp enough for her to gasp, thus drawing the other young lady’s attention, was, “strong.”
Because Wen guniang startled at the sound but moved fast enough to help brace Jiang Yanli before she could fall.
“Thank you.” She heard herself murmuring, even as her eyes closed against the wave of nausea.
“You should sit,” Wen guniang said, voice professional but kind.
Jiang Yanli nodded, but that just made the dizziness worse.
She did find herself sitting though, and felt fingers at her wrist.
“It’s nothing,” she explained, “it’ll pass. It’s the rain. It comes every spring,”
Wen guniang made a soft noise before sharing, “I can brew something that could help. I’m a healer.”
“I don’t want to trouble you.” Jiang Yanli opened her eyes, just slightly, even though she knew the sunlight would hasten the coming of the headache.
“No trouble.” Wen guniang said firmly.
Jiang Yanli let her eyes close again as she took a moment to gather her strength.
She stood carefully, “you’ll have to guide me back, I don’t trust myself not to fall.”
“Of course.”
They walked in silence. Jiang Yanli did not ask how Wen guniang knew where she was going. There was an air of certainty to Wen guniang that definitely reminded Jiang Yanli of Mother.
“I need to lie down. That always helps.” Jiang Yanli shared when they had crossed the threshold.
Wen guniang must have nodded because soon enough Jiang Yanli felt herself sitting again. She sighed as her head met the pillow.
There were fingers at her temples and a pulse of energy, and then blessed sleep.
When she woke, it was to the scent of bitter herbs. She opened her eyes only to close them immediately again. The world still spun.
She must have made a sound of distress because there was the sound of rustling before she felt gentle hands at her temples again.
“It’s only temporary,” Wen gunaing murmured, careful to keep her voice soft, “and helps only with the headaches but should enable you to sit up briefly so you can take the medicine without emesis.”
Jiang Yanli still kept her eyes closed, but let Wen gunaing help her to a seated position and put the bowl in her hands. She drank. It was bitter, but she was no stranger to bitter medicines.
“Thank you.” She said again.
Wen guniang took the bowl from her. “Mother used to experience something similar. A-Ning’s birth had been difficult for her. Her health never truly recovered. It’s one of the first concoctions Father taught me to make.”
She fell silent again. Jiang Yanli had the distinct feeling that Wen guniang felt like she had said too much.
There was pain in her voice too. And Jiang Yanli felt her own heart hurt in response to such grief and wistfulness, carefully hidden though they were.
“Tell me about them?”
“Sounds used to bother Mother when she had such spells.”
“It’s more the light for me.” Jiang Yanli shared.
Wen guniang didn’t say anything for the longest time, but neither was there the sound of her leaving.
Jiang Yanli cracked open her eyes briefly and could vaguely make out a figure in red, sitting with her spine so straight and head held high. No outward sign of her fragility at all.
And thus came her fourth thought. Grandmother would approve.
Her eyes closed again, just as Wen guniang started to speak, “Mother was kind, gentle, sweet. A-Ning takes after her. I’m more like Father had been. Appropriate perhaps. I was to succeed him as Branch Leader. I did succeed him as Branch Leader. We don’t care so much for the gender of the heir, among the Dafan Wen. I was the first born and so it was to be my responsibility. Still is.”
She paused before continuing, “they were both healers, not fighters. Not that they were helpless. Some ingredients for medicines needed to be collected from rather dangerous places. And, well, even if we are a side Branch, we are still descendants of Wen Mao himself. A proud lineage.”
There was a hint of irony in her voice now.
“What happened to them?” Jiang Yanli asked.
“They died.” Wen gunaing answered curtly, bluntly, unapologetically.
“I’m sorry.” Jiang Yanli offered. Not just for the loss of Wen guniang’s parents, but, she suspected, for Wen guniang’s loss of innocence and childhood.
“Chief Cultivator took us in.” Wen guniang continued, “and gave me all the resources and tools I needed to try to cure A-Ning. I have yet to succeed.”
“What ails him?” Jiang Yanli wondered if Wen guniang would even answer.
“A fracturing of his qi. I’ve...I’ve become somewhat of an expert on qi balance and…” she fell silent again and the same feeling returned, that Wen guniang felt like she had said too much.
“You remind me of Mother.”
An unexpected admission. For Wen guniang herself, likely.
“Funny, I could say the same about you.” Jiang Yanli offered. Honesty for honesty.
“The Purple Spider? Her prowess is known even in Qishan. I doubt I can…”
“You’re both strong,” Jiang Yanli interrupted, “certain. Brave.”
“Brave.” Wen guniang repeated, “we’ve only just met, how do you know…”
“You are a Wen, in Cloud Recesses. A spy, if the others are to be believed.”
“Gossip is forbidden.”
“Not all students are Lans.”
Further silence.
Then, “I should go. You should rest. The medicine should be making you sleepy now.”
“Hmm.” Jiang Yanli made a sound of assent. Her awareness was becoming rather fuzzy.
She heard the soft thud as the door closed.
Her last thought, before she slipped into slumber again, was, “lonely.”
The scent of medicine still lingered in the air when she woke. Fainter now, but not gone.
Jiang Yanli carefully opened her eyes and was relieved when the world stayed in place. Gingerly, she brought herself to a seating position, waiting for the world to tilt again. It didn’t. She let out a breath of relief. She’ll have to thank Wen guniang properly.
And as though her thoughts had summoned her, there was a soft knock at the door.
“Come in.” Jiang Yanli called out.
“Feeling better?”
“Much. Thank you.” She let Wen guniang check her pulse again anyways.
Wen guniang paused a little and Jiang Yanli wondered if she would ask.
“I’ll write down the formulation and instructions on how to brew it. One of your brothers can make it for you in the future should you need it again.” Was all that Wen guniang said.
“We have maids back home who can do such things.”
“They will insist on doing it for you anyways.”
Jiang Yanli smiled, “you’re an older sister too.”
“A caretaker.” Wen guniang agreed, “even though…”
She stood and returned to the table to start writing.
Guarded, wasn’t she?
The ensuing silence was nonetheless almost companionable.
Jiang Yanli checked to make sure the lid on the pot of soup was secure before putting the covering on the basket.
A-Cheng, who was going through forms in the courtyard despite his recent punishment, a daily habit ingrained into him by Mother, paused his movements, “where are you going, A-jie?”
“To see Wen guniang, A-Xian said Wen gongzi had almost fallen prey to the Waterborn Abyss. Wen guniang is a healer, but I rather thought some soup might help too.”
“Oh.” A-Cheng hesitated before saying, “I hadn’t realized you and Wen gunaing were...friends.”
“Not yet,” Jiang Yanli shared honestly, “but I do hope we may become so. She was kind to me.”
“Oh.”
Jiang Yanli did not share her other thoughts, most of which were still too wispy to take full form. But if what her intuition told her was true…
She smiled at her brother again, “I won’t be long.”
“A-jie…”
“Yes?”
A-Cheng hesitated another moment before he smiled a little, “nothing. Just...be safe?”
“Nothing terrible can happen to me in Cloud Recesses.”
“Still.”
Jiang Yanli smiled again at his show of care as she repeated, “I won’t be long.”
Wen gunaing was not in, but Wen gongzi was polite, even if he was adorably awkward as he stuttered through the proper greetings.
Jiang Yanli set the basket on the table, “some soup. Nothing as good as the medicines your sister can make, likely, but hopefully will help you recover.”
“Oh, you didn’t have to…”
“A-Xian thinks of you as a friend.” Jiang Yanli shared, “and your sister had helped me. But she does not strike me as someone who’d accept kindness to herself.”
Wen gongzi blinked at her, “Jiejie...Jiejie does not like to owe debts.”
“She is...proud?”
Wen gongzi made a sound of disagreement, “the other Wen disciples call jiejie 孤傲 (gū ào, aloof, arrogant) but she’s really not. She can’t show weakness though, in order to protect me and keep both of us safe.”
He paused suddenly, “umm…”
Jiang Yanli just placed the cover back on her basket, “no debts. If anything, I am in her debt for her help when I had been feeling unwell.”
“I’ll...umm...I’ll tell jiejie you were here?”
Jiang Yanli smiled mildly, “please do. I’d like to be friends with her.”
“Friends.” Wen gongzi repeated, his hand strayed to a talisman hanging from his waist.
“Did A-Xian give you that?”
Wen gongzi nodded shyly.
“I recognize his handiwork,” Jiang Yanli explained, even if Wen gongzi didn’t ask. “A-Xian has a big heart. You’ll have him as a friend for life.”
“I...I’ve never had a friend before.” Wen gongzi admitted.
“A-Xian makes for a good first one.” Jiang Yanli reassured him as she stood.
Wen gongzi hurried to his feet too and bowed, “thank you again, Jiang guniang.”
Jiang Yanli smiled again before making her way back towards the Jiang quarters.
She was most definitely not smiling as the day wore on and A-Xian did not return from the Cold Springs.
“You’re certain you didn’t see him?” She asked A-Cheng one more time.
“ZeWuJun took me there himself,” A-Cheng shared, his brows furrowed, “nothing.”
Jiang Yanli looked out the window. Night had fallen.
“Lan Wangji is missing too.” A-Cheng shared.
It was past curfew. Most unlike the proper second young master of Lan.
Jiang Yanli wrung her hands.
“Stay here, A-Jie, please? In case he does return?”
Jiang Yanli nodded.
A-Cheng let out a breath, “I’ll find him. And then I’m going to break his legs! For real this time!”
“A-Cheng…”
A-Cheng’s lips twisted unhappily even as he gripped Sandu tightly, “ZeWuJun made an exception to the curfew for today. He’s having everyone look for them. We’ll find him.”
Jiang Yanli tucked away a stray strand of his hair, “you stay safe as well?”
“Nothing terrible can happen in Cloud Recesses.”
What she had said earlier that day. She was starting to doubt those words, though.
She waited, staring out into the night, watching as the shadows within the courtyard gave way to the light of day.
She stood when she saw A-Cheng’s figure return. Her brother looked exhausted and despondent.
She didn’t need him to tell her that the search remained fruitless.
“I’m coming with you.” She said.
“A-Jie…”
He was too weary, though, to even try to reason with her. Or perhaps he knew he would not win, not in this.
“Do you remember?” She asked anyways, “the first night he spent in Lotus Pier?”
A-Cheng sighed, “of course I remember.”
“Let’s go then.”
Her body, however, betrayed her. It often did. It was expected.
She sat at the side of the creek, “go on, A-Cheng. I need to catch my breath.”
“A-Jie…” he hesitated.
She waved him on, “go.”
He did. A-Cheng was worried too.
Jiang Yanli closed her eyes and tried to take meditative breaths. Without her permission, tears of frustration still fell down her cheeks. She wiped at them impatiently. Crying wasn’t going to solve anything.
“Jiang guniang.”
She opened her eyes, “Nie gongzi.”
“Jiang xiong sent me to keep you company. I’m not much good when it comes to activities that require too much physical exertion either.”
She took the handkerchief he was offering her, “thank you.”
“Wei xiong is my friend.” He shared as he sat down next to her, “My first one even, if I don’t count Meng Yao. But Meng Yao is in da ge’s employ so it’s not quite the same.”
“A-Cheng will find him.” She murmured.
Nie gongzi nodded, “he’s also with Lan er gongzi, who is likely the strongest cultivator in our generation, and a Lan besides.”
“You see it too?”
Nie gongzi gave her a sideways look before he hid his features behind his fan, “they are well matched. They fought to a draw, I heard.”
She had heard the same.
She focused on folding the handkerchief rather than look at her companion, “A-Xian has a big heart.”
Nie gongzi didn’t say anything, just fluttered his fan before asking, “do you think you can continue again?”
Jiang Yanli nodded, “yes.”
Nie gongzi helped her to her feet.
“Thank you.”
“Wei xiong is my friend.” Nie gongzi reiterated.
How like A-Xian it was, to draw yet another lonely boy into his orbit.
Neither of them noticed a figure in gold who quickly turned his back and began to walk in the opposite direction.
A-Xian was found. He of course had to report to ZeWuJun and Master Lan. They were in charge of his safety during these lessons after all.
But after her initial elation at her brother’s safe return faded a little, Jiang Yanli couldn’t help but feel that there was something A-Xian was keeping from her. Something that must have had to do with Wen guniang’s mission in Cloud Recesses. Because the other young lady actually began to attend the lessons themselves, even if there was only about a week left.
Wen guniang stood out in her gown of red. But her bearing gave no hint as to any discomfort or embarrassment.
Jiang Yanli noted that both of her brothers cast looks in the young lady’s direction. A-Xian with some unease and A-Cheng…
Some of Jiang Yanli’s thoughts began to coalesce into firmer shapes.
She should have expected, perhaps, for things to come to a head. A-Xian had been much too well behaved since his misadventure.
Jiang Yanli took in the sight of fury on his face and understood his reasons. A-Cheng was restraining himself but she could tell he would have gladly punched Jin gongzi too.
Any happiness she had derived from his company as they put together the lanterns dissipated.
She had been a fool to think he could see her, could like her, could...could love her.
She had seen enough of miserable marriages to know that she did not want to become like either Mother or Madam Jin. Besides...
She brushed aside A-Xian’s disheveled hair, “it’s alright, A-Xian.”
“Shijie, he insulted not just you but all of YunMeng Jiang. He does not deserve you, will never deserve you.”
She could feel tears gathering behind her eyes again but she tried to smile anyways, even if she knew it was a tremulous expression.
She took a deep breath before turning to face Jin gongzi.
“I release you from our engagement.”
His eyes widened but he did not make any sounds of disagreement.
“I will write to my father to explain. He will not deny my request. I expect yours won’t either. You are free now to seek for your own happiness. As I am.”
She reached for her brothers’ hands, “A-Xian, A-Cheng. Let’s go.”
They followed her. They’ve always followed her. Ever since they were little boys who were trying to figure out how to be brothers despite all the reasons they shouldn’t.
“I’m fine.” She reassured them, even though her heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces. But what was the pain of this moment compared to the pain of a lifetime?
“A marriage,” she continued, “is not just between two individuals but also between two families. I could never be happy if my husband and brothers were to remain at odds with one another.”
“I’m sorry Shijie.” A-Xian actually sounded contrite.
Jiang Yanli patted his hand, “I’m not.”
“A-jie…”
She took a deep breath, “I am Maiden Jiang of Lotus Pier. I have a duty to show that we of YunMeng Jiang will not stand for insults to our Sect. Whatever my personal feelings...I must stand strong too.”
She pushed down the tears that threatened to break loose, “enough for tonight though. I am tired.”
“Shijie…”
“Master Lan will probably assign more punishments,” she said as she stood, “I’ll take you to see him tomorrow morning.”
She made her escape before they could see her cry.
Once alone, she hugged her pillow to herself and sobbed. Eventually, however, even her tears dried.
She settled herself at the table and set her brush to paper. She had more than one letter to write.
Predictably, Father came personally to Cloud Recesses to meet with Sect Leader Jin. She was not invited to be present. She hadn’t expected to be. It was a kindness, on Father’s part, to ensure that she wouldn’t be.
She busied herself in the kitchen instead, finding some comfort in measuring out the ingredients she needed. The fragrance of sesame and walnuts was familiar. The stickiness of the melted sugar required her focus to prevent it from burning. She cut the resulting candies into slivers and packaged them as neatly as she could before sorting them into four piles.
One for A-Xian. One for A-Cheng. One for Nie gongzi. And the last for the Wen siblings.
She had received a reply from Grandmother, after all.
She put aside her apron and took a few deep breaths. She hoped she wasn’t too late.
She almost was.
“Are you leaving already, Wen guniang?”
The other young lady looked up from bundling up a pile of notes, “the lessons are over.”
“And where is Wen gongzi?”
“Chief Cultivator sent guards to protect him for the journey back to Qishan.”
“Guards?”
Wen guniang did not explain further.
Jiang Yanli set the bundle on the table, “I had hoped to give these to him.”
Wen guniang’s brows furrowed slightly.
“Sesame candies. One of A-Xian’s favorite treats. I thought Wen gongzi might have liked to have them for the road. I trust you will give them to him?”
Wen guniang looked at her quizzically for a moment before asking bluntly, “what is it that you want?”
“May I sit?” Jiang Yanli asked.
Wen guniang settled herself at the table in lieu of replying.
“A war is coming.” Jiang Yanli stated.
Wen guniang drew in a sharp breath but did not deny it.
“Meishan Yu has always been matriarchal.” Jiang Yanli continued, “and though I am in name a Jiang, Grandmother has made sure I understood my maternal lineage too.”
Wen guniang waited.
“The might of the Yu Sect comes not just from the prowess of its warriors, but also from its wealth of knowledge, its information networks. Women are expected to be frail, to remain silent. All the better to observe. Grandmother has been preparing for many years. She knows about the Yin Irons too. I did not have to accompany my brothers for this trip. Indeed, Mother had been against it, fearing it would tax my health too much. But I convinced her. A-Cheng could be trusted upon to behave properly, but A-Xian has always been rather...unpredictable. He has always listened to me, though. Both of them do.”
She paused before adding, “the nature of my illness is such that…”
“I know.” Wen guniang interrupted.
Jiang Yanli smiled a little, “yes. You would, wouldn’t you? The best healer in Qishan. Your reputation precedes you.”
There had also been mutterings over the years, about Wen guniang's suitableness to be heir instead of her cousins. Mutterings that Wen guniang herself must have been privy to despite her next words.
“I still fail to see…”
“My bout of dizziness was not an act. But it was no accident that you were the one who saw me in such a sorry state.” Jiang Yanli admitted.
Wen guniang frowned.
“Wen Chao is easy enough to deal with,” Jiang Yanli shared, “his wife is one of ours. And Wen Xu takes such risks on nighthunts. Reckless, almost. Accidents happen. As for Chief Cultivator…”
“Me.”
Jiang Yanli clasped her hands on the table. “The men will go chasing after artifacts of great power. It’ll keep them distracted. But all men are simply that. Men. A knife between the ribs, a poison at the tip of needles, an extra ingredient in a bowl of medicine, and…”
“I am a healer, I help, I do not harm.”
“You have no need to do it personally. Grandmother has assassins aplenty among her disciples. They only need an opportunity, an...assistant, on the inside.”
“You are asking me to betray my Sect.”
“I am asking you to free yourself, as I have.”
Wen guniang thought for a moment. “Jin ZiXuan.”
“The Jins are as dangerous as the Wens.” Jiang Yanli shared. “I had hoped to change things from within, such as I was able. Jin gongzi is not his father, for all that he has treated me callously and...hurtfully. But I have reconsidered. Grandmother had never been in favor of the betrothal either, for all that Mother had insisted upon it.”
“Is she not equally as ambitious?”
“She will like you.” Jiang Yanli said primly.
“And after Qishan Wen loses its leader and its heirs, what then?” Wen guniang asked after a moment.
“That is up to you.”
“Is it really?”
“I was wrong,” Jiang Yanli noted, “when I said you reminded me of Mother. Or, rather, it was not quite accurate. You are more like Grandmother.”
“I am a healer, just a healer.” Wen guniang insisted.
“You are the Branch Leader of Dafan Wen. You are Chief Cultivator’s favored niece. You are a descendant of Wen Mao himself.”
“You are not how you appear.” Wen guniang said after a moment.
Jiang Yanli smiled, “I am a daughter of Meishan Yu.”
Wen guniang closed her eyes.
Jiang Yanli gave her the time to think. They were in part deciding on the fate of the world, after all.
“War would not be good for anybody.” Wen guniang finally said, her gaze as steady as Jiang Yanli had come to expect.
“Is that your answer?”
Wen guniang’s hands fisted, “I have been given a new mission that will keep me away from Qishan for a while yet.”
“Your brother is being kept as a hostage to ensure your obedience.”
Wen guniang did not deny it.
Jiang Yanli handed her a ring. The jewel glinted in the sunlight. “When you’re ready, push a bit of your spiritual power into it and we will know.”
“It’s red.” Wen guniang commented.
“What other color would Sect Leader Wen wear?”
Wen guniang stared at the object a moment longer before slipping it onto her finger.
“My uncle is ill. It is the terminal sort. I have only been able to stall against the eventuality of death or worse. There is no cure.” She said crisply, professionally, decidedly.
Jiang Yanli stood, “Be safe, Wen guniang.”
The other young lady stood too, “I look forward to meeting Sect Leader Yu.”
They bowed to one another.
A-Xian was once again missing. Jiang Yanli sighed. Of course A-Xian could not resist an adventure. Or was it also because Lan er gongzi was the one who had been sent on such a mission?
She wasn’t surprised when she caught A-Cheng leaving Lotus Pier either.
“A-jie…”
She stepped closer and straightened his collars, “be careful. Come home safely.”
He nodded. “I will.”
She tilted her head, “and if you happen to see Wen guniang…”
“Wen guniang?” He asked in surprise.
“Mn. If you happen to see Wen guniang, be brave.”
“I…”
She placed a hand over his heart, “be brave, A-Cheng, even if it should lead to heartbreak.”
He swallowed, “I’ll try.”
She watched as he left. Her little brother, her little boy. Because he was hers more than he was Mother’s, in all the ways that truly mattered. He needed someone to believe in him, care for him, as much as he needed someone to challenge him, push him to greater heights.
She closed the gate behind herself and headed towards the kitchens. Father will worry too, even though he’d understand her brothers’ need to test themselves.
She felt one of the talismans around her wrist shake in the middle of her parents’ argument.
A-Xian’s head was lowered while A-Cheng scowled into his bowl.
Jiang Yanli stood. “Enough.”
Her parents didn’t seem to hear her.
She raised her voice, “Enough!”
They both turned to look at her.
“A-Li…” Mother started to say.
Jiang Yanli’s hands fisted within her sleeves. “They are stronger together than apart. Unlike the two of you. Not only have you succeeded in making each other miserable, but the resentment, the misunderstanding, the hurt you possess have poisoned the rest of our family too. The world is changing, danger hovers just on the horizon, and yet you argue over these old hurts that should have been sorted out a long time ago. I’ve had enough. My brothers have had enough. If you wish to lead separate lives altogether, then do it. Otherwise...otherwise, figure it out before it’s too late.”
“A-Li…” Father started to say.
But Jiang Yanli just shook her head before taking her brothers’ hands in hers, “A-Cheng, A-Xian, I hate that you must both go. I hate that I can’t go with you this time, even though I wish I could. But know this, to me, you are both enough, both worthy, both my 心头肉 (xīn tóu ròu: literally, the flesh of my heart; figuratively, dearest, most precious). I am proud of you, both of you. That will never change.”
They both looked at with such bright eyes. Her little boys. Standing on the cusp of becoming men. It was an inopportune time for her to leave them. She could only do what she can before she must.
“Shall we go gather some lotus pods before you must go forward into danger again?” She asked them.
They traded a look before both standing and pulling her towards the pier.
She did not bother to look back at her parents.
The world did change, but for the better, at least from Jiang Yanli’s perspective.
Her brothers sent a message within a day of arriving in Qishan. Father left in answer to the invitation to the funeral and the discussion conference that was to be held.
Jiang Yanli stayed home, peeled the lotus seeds, and removed their bitter centers before soaking them in sugary syrup, the better to ensure an even coating.
Mother hovered in the doorway to the kitchen but Jiang Yanli paid her no mind.
Things were still tense between her parents, but then, they had decades of problems to sort through and their own selves to overcome.
“A-Li.” Mother said finally when she had set the seeds out to dry.
“Mother.”
“You’ve been corresponding with your grandmother.”
“I’ve been doing more than corresponding with Grandmother.” Jiang Yanli admitted.
“Since when?”
“About a year ago.” Even if it had been longer. But Jiang Yanli had ecided to apply all that Grandmother had taught her more recently.
“Why?”
Jiang Yanli set a pot of water to boil and sat down at the side table, “won’t you join me, Mother?”
Jiang Yanli waited until the tea was ready and she had poured a cup for herself and for Mother before speaking again.
“Because I looked around myself one day and I realized I did not like what I was seeing. Because I was tired of feeling helpless and fragile and weak. Because Grandmother asked for my opinions.”
“Is that a reprimand?”
“I loved him.” Jiang Yanli admitted. “I may still do. But I love my brothers, my family, more. The choice was rather easy to make, in the end.”
“I wanted to protect you from what it means to be a Yu.”
“Because I’m weak?” Jiang Yanli asked.
“Because you’re my daughter.”
“Grandmother trained each of her daughters to specialize in a certain set of skills,” Jiang Yanli observed, “First aunty will be the politician. Second aunty is the spymaster. You are the warrior. She separates the disciples into similar categories. There is only one role I could have undertaken.”
“I’d rather you didn’t undertake any of them.”
“And be what instead?” Jiang Yanli asked.
“A wife. A mother. As I have failed to be.”
Jiang Yanli took a sip of tea before admitting, “I could have been happy just being those things.”
“Then why…”
“I’d like to believe I have worth more than as a good to be bartered or as a means to achieving an heir.”
Mother lifted her cup to her lips too.
“I am a caretaker,” Jiang Yanli said, “alone, my sphere of influence is small. But even a single stone can divert the course of a stream. Grandmother has ambitions, I saw an opportunity. A war is thus avoided. I can take pride in the fact that neither of my brothers will have the need to become soldiers and learn to kill.”
“It is for their sake then?”
“They have always been my responsibility. I would do much for them, to protect them.” Jiang Yanli admitted, “but it is also for my own self.”
“Yourself?”
“I’ve been a disappointment to you too, Mother.”
“A-Li…”
Jiang Yanli smiled gently, “you have no need to apologize, Mother. It is what it is. A-Cheng, though, is in possession of a much more tumultuous nature. It is ironically fitting that he should have chosen someone so like and yet so unlike you.”
“He…”
“A Wen.” Jiang Yanli stated calmly even as Mother scowled reflexively. “It is early yet, tentative and fragile at best. But given the chance, I truly believe it can grow and bloom into something that would be of great benefit to both of them. I ask you not to interfere. Not that Grandmother would let you. She will approve of Wen guniang too, I believe, on both a personal and a political level.”
“I feel as though I do not know you.”
“Do you know any of us, truly, Mother?” It was meant to be a rebuke this time. Mother had always just seen the gap between what she envisioned and what was.
Mother didn’t answer, just took another sip of her tea.
Jiang Yanli stood to check on the candies. They did harden relatively quickly. She set a few in a small bowl before returning to the table.
“Something sweet, Mother?”
Mother stared into the bowl for a long time but did not reach for one.
She stood, “I will be paying a visit to Carp Tower. You were right. A time of change is upon us. Mother never liked the Jins, couldn’t understand why her god-daughter has let Jin GuangShan humiliate her for so many years. She will likely be making her move soon.”
Jiang Yanli merely nodded.
Mother’s fingers tightened around Zidian, “you’re sure you will not have him?”
“I am sure. Besides, you and I both know that I cannot afford it.”
Mother sighed a little, “A-Li…”
“Safe journey, Mother.”
Mother took a few steps but then turned back in the doorway, “I really have failed, haven’t I?”
Jiang Yanli remained sitting, “it is not too late.”
Mother smiled sadly, “let’s see if I can summon up the courage.”
She left.
Jiang Yanli reached into the bowl and placed one of the candies in her mouth.
Sweet.
She’ll choose to be hopeful.
“Are you going to tell them?” Wen guniang, Sect Leader Wen now, asked her.
Jiang Yanli pulled back her wrist, “I should have at least another three years.”
“Maybe longer,” Wen Qing, because they really had become friends by now, said.
“Oh?” Jiang Yanli tried not to feel too hopeful though.
“The illness has taken root in your Core. The fact that you do not really cultivate has been helpful. But it still leaches out, little by little.”
“Wen Zhuliu is dead.”
“But I was the one who had to care for his victims before he mastered his technique. Even without such knowledge, I am a more than capable surgeon as well.”
“I see.”
“You can have a regular lifespan still.”
“May I have some time to think on it?”
Her companion nodded, “of course.”
“And how are you?” Jiang Yanli asked.
“Chief Cultivator is a formidable woman.”
“She likes you.”
“The feeling is quite mutual.”
Jiang Yanli smiled.
“I could do without all the offers for marriage though.” Wen Qing complained.
Jiang Yanli chuckled. “A-Cheng doesn’t like it either, I can assure you.”
Unlike A-Cheng, who blushed and stammered, Wen Qing met her gaze steadily, “is that the price I must pay?”
“There is no debt.” Jiang Yanli stated calmly.
Wen guniang was silent a moment before saying, “He will have to lead a Sect too.”
“Hopefully not for many years yet.”
“It could still be seen as a conflict of interest.”
“Then you are not averse to it?”
Wen Qing indicated the pile of neatly stacked paperwork on her desk, “I have not the time for courtship. There is still much to do.”
“But someday?”
“Did he ask you to speak with me?”
“Of course not. A-Cheng guards his heart very carefully.”
“We are similar in that way,” Wen Qing admitted.
“Mn.”
Wen Qing sighed, “he is...still a boy.”
“He would try, for you, to be a worthy man.”
“Do I want such a responsibility?”
“That is up to you.” Jiang Yanli reminded her.
“He listens to you. You had said.”
“Yes.”
“You trust me.”
“Yes.” She was going to entrust her brother to the other young lady too. Wen guniang was too observant not to know.
“Even when you didn’t really know me.”
“I saw enough.”
Wen Qing was quiet for another moment before she shared, “when we parted ways on Mount Dafan, he offered me a comb.”
“Did he?”
“I already knew what I was about to do.”
It made sense. Wen Chao had made a mistake targeting her relatives. Just as Wen Ruohan made a mistake threatening her brother.
“I took it anyway.” Wen Qing stated.
“Ah.”
“I see the potential too. And...he was kind. To me. I....” She paused but then added, “He will still have to speak plainly.”
“Meanwhile…”
“Meanwhile, I have a Sect to run.”
Jiang Yanli smiled.
“And yourself?” Wen Qing asked, “as the grand-daughter of the Chief Cultivator, I imagine Lotus Pier is likewise inundated with similar offers.”
“It is very bothersome.” Jiang Yanli shared.
Wen Qing’s lips switched.
“I didn’t think I could consider any of them.”
Wen Qing’s eyes softened, “think some more then.”
“I do believe I will.”
And she did.
She pressed her thumb over the red jewel on her bracelet and knew Wen Qing’s ring would let her know that the decision had been made. It would be the last time she could use this bracelet in this way.
Wen Qing was the consummate professional as she reviewed the procedure and risks before sedating her after Jiang Yanli gave her consent one last time.
She expected to dream. She didn’t. She also expected to feel empty, bereft when she woke. Instead, she felt...light, free.
Wen Qing handed her a bowl of medicine, “there’s enough in your bloodstream still that you should take this for the next week to completely clear it.”
Jiang Yanli drank it. “Good thing my visit is to last a week, isn’t it?”
“Will you tell them?” Wen Qing repeated her question.
“What is there to tell? I almost never carry my sword as it is.”
“And for any potential suitors?”
“Ah. It is well known that Jiang guniang is barely a cultivator in addition to being plain and boring.”
“Fools.” Wen Qing commented.
Jiang Yanli just smiled, “the best spy is one who no one would ever suspect.”
“I was not a very good spy, you mean.”
Jiang Yanli laughed, “you are Sect Leader Wen instead.”
“Still a healer, just a healer.” Wen Qing insisted.
“And my friend.” Jiang Yanli declared.
Wen Qing was silent as she took the bowl back and placed it on the proper tray, but Jiang Yanli could tell she was pleased.
Jiang Yanli was once again practicing her calligraphy when she heard the hurried footsteps and excited voice of her maid.
“A-Xian is back?”
The maid nodded eagerly.
Jiang Yanli dropped her brush, not caring that it was causing spatters across the page and immediately started moving.
Three months was a long time for her brother to be gone. Even if Grandmother had officially assigned him the task of tracking down the last remaining Yin Iron. Him and Lan er gongzi of course.
“Shijie!”
And there was that grin she had missed so much.
She did not hesitate to wrap her arms around him, “you’re thinner.”
He laughed, a reassuring sound in her ear, “I missed you too, Shijie.”
She parted from him, “are you hungry?”
“Always, Shijie.”
She chuckled. Of course.
“No soup. But I’ve got some rice cakes and 桂花糕 (Guì Huā Gāo, sweet osmanthus cake).”
A-Xian smacked his lips, “delicious.”
She pulled at his wrist, “come on then.”
“Shouldn’t I pay respects to Uncle Jiang first?”
“Father is away.”
“Away?”
“With Mother.”
“With…”
“A nighthunt,” she shared, “they’re expected back tomorrow though.”
“And Jiang Cheng? I notice he hasn’t come to greet me.”
“Also away. Baling. Diplomatic visit.”
“Diplomatic...Jiang Cheng?”
“He is the heir.”
“Doesn’t Sect Leader Ouyang have three daughters?”
“He does, yes.”
A-Xian’s grin turned mischievous.
Jiang Yanli tugged at his wrist again, “do you want the snacks or not?”
“I do! I do!” A-Xian quickly started walking towards the pavilion with her.
She smiled as he offered praise for her skills.
“The very best, shijie!”
She poured him a cup of tea, “slow down! One would think you haven’t eaten for a week!”
“Nothing as good as these!” Still, A-Xian did take the time to chase down his latest bite with the tea.
“I imagine there will be another discussion conference?”
A-Xian nodded, “though mostly so they can be destroyed publicly so no one can doubt that all traces of Yin Irons will truly be erased from this world.”
“They?”
“Well, there’s the piece Lan Zhan and I used to do the tracking, the piece we got off of XueYang, and a sword.”
“A sword?”
“We thought we’d be done, after Song daozhang helped us defeat XueYang, but it led us to QiShan instead. We stopped by to see Wen Qing first, of course, to make sure she’d be ok with us mucking about her lands. She was very gracious about it and even offered to send some guards with us. I kind of wish we had taken her up on her offer, because I’m pretty sure the monster we encountered was actually the legendary XuanWu Beast. As it is, Lan Zhan was able to use the Cord Assassin Technique and I was able to attack the Beast from within its shell. I found the sword that way. I wanted to keep it to examine it, but Lan Zhan said it was positively reeking of Yin energy and that we should give it to Chief Cultivator too. Such a stickler for rules, he is.”
But there was a distinct lack of annoyance in A-Xian’s voice this time.
Jiang Yanli went through a few emotions in quick succession. Alarm, worry, concern predominated.
“Were you injured?”
“Ah.” A-Xian looked embarrassed, “Wen Ning had followed us, without telling his sister. A good thing he did too, because the sword did drain my energies and I...uh...fainted, for a bit. Lan Zhan had to carry me out of the cave. Wen Ning helped stabilize me until Wen Qing could put me to rights again.”
Jiang Yanli frowned.
“No lasting damage,” A-Xian quickly said, “though she said my mind was already too addled and was beyond help.”
Despite herself, Jiang Yanli felt a tendril of amusement.
“I’m really fine, Shijie,” A-Xian insisted. “Wen Qing really gave me a clean bill of health. She did use her needles on me.”
He made a face, “remind me never to get on her bad side.”
“She really said you were fine?”
A-Xian nodded eagerly, “do you really think she would have let me travel otherwise?”
“Did she also give you leave to call her by her name?”
“Uh…”
“Oh A-Xian.”
“She didn’t tell me not to?” He argued.
Jiang Yanli felt her lips curl into an amused smile and saw as some of the tension left her brother.
“She did say I was a bad influence on Wen Ning. I offered to give him archery lessons as payment. Not that he needs much instructions. He’s a natural. Might even be better than me. But he tends to let his nerves get the better of him too much. People don’t dare bully him anymore, he says, mostly because of Wen Qing, but he’s...lonely.”
“Invite him to Lotus Pier then.” Jiang Yanli suggested.
“What?”
“He is your friend, is he not? It is natural for friends to visit one another.”
“You think Wen Qing will let him out of her sight?”
“She knows as well as I do that little brothers do eventually grow up and have to find their own path and place in the world.”
A-Xian looked thoughtful.
“Shijie?”
“Yes?”
“What if I decide that I’d rather be in the world than in Lotus Pier?”
“What do you mean?”
A-Xian fidgeted with his teacup, “it’s just...when we first met my martial uncle and Song daozhang, I couldn’t help but envy them. To travel the world, to help those in need, to drift without a care in the world...my heart sings at such a thought. And this latest mission...it was fun, fulfilling, despite some of the dangers. At the same time, though, once I saw the lotuses again, once I saw your gladness at my return, I…”
Jiang Yanli reached for his hand, “Lotus Pier is your home, not your prison.”
A-Xian let out a breath, “and I’ve promised Jiang Cheng to be there for him, once he becomes Sect Leader.”
“Which he isn’t yet. Not for many years.”
A-Xian bit his lip, “is it selfish of me to…”
“You are a Jiang. The itch to travel is a part of our heritage.”
“Shijie…”
Jiang Yanli squeezed his hand, “but you are not a boat set adrift, you will always have a place to moor.”
A-Xian took a deep breath before smiling so brilliantly at her, “thank you, Shijie.”
She let go of his hand, “but don’t be surprised if A-Cheng spends a few days upset with you.”
“I’d need Uncle Jiang’s permission regardless.”
“When has Father ever truly retrained you?”
A-Xian looked embarrassed now, “I wish he were less indulgent, then maybe…”
“A-Cheng has to find his own way too.”
“I’m glad he has you.”
Jiang Yanli smiled, “yes. He does.” For a long time yet.
She cleared her throat, “now, tell me about Lan er gongzi?”
“Why do you want to hear about him?”
“Will he not be your travel companion? In the same manner as your martial uncle and Song daozhang?”
“Oh.” A-Xian blinked, “I hadn’t thought about that.”
Oh A-Xian.
“I’d feel better,” Jiang Yanli commented, “if you had someone to watch your back and rescue you when your recklessness gets you into trouble.”
A-Xian wrinkled his nose, “Shijie! Must you make me sound like some damsel in distress?”
Jiang Yanli laughed, “Hmmm. Lan er gongzi is certainly prettier, isn’t he?”
“Shijie!” A-Xian sounded shocked.
Jiang Yanli just smiled, “the listing of young masters of the cultivation world is public knowledge, A-Xian.”
“He’s...less stuffy than I had thought he’d be.” A-Xian admitted, “and actually...helpful.”
“You’re well matched.”
“That reminds me, he still owes me a re-duel!” A-Xian perked up, “and two bottles of Emperor’s Smile. Not that he’d ever pay that debt. Lans and their silly rules. Though, given how easily he gets drunk…”
He giggled to himself, as though recollecting some silly memories.
Jiang Yanli just smiled and took a sip of her tea. She’ll continue nudging as needed, but such things could not be hurried.
A-Cheng didn’t speak to Wei WuXian for a whole week after the latter shared his thoughts on having further adventures.
A-Xian tried to be patient, but Jiang Yanli could tell he was feeling hurt too.
And so, she made a bowl of soup just for A-Cheng and took it to him.
A-Cheng smiled at her in greeting but then quickly grew serious, “I know A-Jie. I’m behaving very childishly.”
“I am not here to chide you,” she told him.
“It’s just…” A-Cheng fiddled with Sandu’s tassel, “it was always supposed to be the two of us. Together. The Twin Heroes of YunMeng. I just...I don’t like change.”
“Even though you are changing as well?”
A-Cheng frowned.
“Father has been entrusting you with more tasks having to do with the running of the Sect. You have risen well to each challenge.”
“Have I? Father never says. He just notes ways I could have done better.”
It hurt her to hear the bitterness in A-Cheng’s voice.
“He would not give you more responsibilities if he thought you were doing a poor job.” She reassured him.
A-Cheng wouldn’t meet her eyes.
“Father and Mother are trying to save their marriage. Change is difficult for them too.” She noted gently.
“Is that why Wei WuXian wants to leave? To give them the space needed? Because he thinks he’s part of the problem?”
“Do you think he’s part of the problem?”
“I don’t know.”
“A-Cheng, I can tell when you’re lying.”
He looked up at her, “I…”
She waited for him to find his words.
“I just...so much changed, when he came to Lotus Pier. And all these years...it’s difficult, not to feel inferior.”
“Has A-Xian ever…”
“No,” A-Cheng interjected, “never. He’s...apologetic, really. And I know he can’t help but be who he is. It somehow makes it more difficult. He’s just so…”
“A-Xian is not the one who must lead our Sect one day.” She reminded him.
“He’d find most of it very boring.”
“The water reflects the sky,” Jiang Yanli said thoughtfully, “but it does not mean the water cannot have its own hidden depths. And it is water that gives life.”
“So does the sun.”
“Indeed. A good pairing.”
“A-Jie…”
“I mean it.” She said firmly.
“There is a fear,” he admitted quietly, “that she’d choose him too.”
“Because she allows him to call her by name?”
“Not just because of that.”
“You have not spoken to her since she became Sect Leader Wen, have you?”
“I…”
Jiang Yanli tilted her head, “come with me, the next time I visit Qishan.”
“I…”
“She is not expecting perfection. But she’d appreciate honesty.”
“She’s just so...she’s already a Sect Leader. Of the greatest Sect in the world no less. She even managed to make amends with the Lan and Nie Sects, despite what Wen Chao and Wen Xu had done. I’m just...just me.”
“Oh A-Cheng.”
He sighed, “she doesn’t need me. He doesn’t either.”
“A-Xian is not abandoning you.”
“I know.”
“And Wen Qing is waiting for you to speak plainly.”
“Is she?”
Jiang Yanli uncovered the bowl of soup, “drink it, while it’s still warm.”
“A-Jie…”
“I am your big sister. As such, I will always think the world of you. But I must also tell you, self-doubt is not a very attractive attribute.”
A-Cheng ducked his head.
“I can tell you all about your positive attributes until my voice is hoarse, but such a gesture will mean nothing if you do not believe in yourself. I should know. You and A-Xian have always thought the best of me, but I...it took some time for me to see my own worth too.”
“What helped you?”
“Grandmother.” And the prospect of dying and leaving her brothers unprotected, though that wasn’t something Jiang Yanli would ever tell them.
“Grandmother?”
“She is good at seeing potential and turning it into motivation and action.”
A-Cheng was quiet before sharing, “she has taught me more about what it means to be a Sect Leader than Father ever has.”
Jiang Yanli inclined her head, “she expected it, I think, when Mother married. It’s why she’s insisted that we spend a month every year in Meishan.”
A-Cheng let out a breath. “She does not see potential in Father?”
“A different type of potential, perhaps.”
A-Cheng frowned, “did she ever consider for Mother’s happiness?”
“What if I told you it was Mother who wanted to come to YunMeng?”
“Is that true?”
“It would have been my choice to go to Carp Tower too.”
“A-jie…”
“A woman’s heart can be a foolish thing.” She said softly.
“Do you regret…”
“No,” Jiang Yanli said honestly, “I do not. I am where I am needed, where I am happy.”
“And where is that for me?”
“A-Cheng?”
“It’s a silly question. I’ve always known my duties, my responsibilities, the expectations I must meet.”
He straightened his shoulders, “Wei WuXian will go see the world to which he belongs, I am Jiang Cheng, Jiang Wanyin, heir to Lotus Pier and YunMeng Jiang. This is where I belong, where I am meant to be.”
Jiang Yanli reached for his hand, “you are allowed to have your own dreams, your own wants too.”
"What do you think she is for me if not all that?”
“A-Cheng…”
“I will do my best A-jie. Of all the dreams I’ve ever had...she is the one I choose. She...she is my motivation, my purpose. I will become stronger, braver, less doubtful. I will not make her a fool for choosing me.”
Jiang Yanli felt tears at her eyes again. Because her little boy...her little boy really was growing up.
“A-jie...A-jie, please don’t cry.”
Jiang Yanli wiped at her eyes, “A-Cheng...what I said that day...it’s all true. I am so, so proud of you.”
“A-jie…”
She hugged him. “So, so proud.”
“Have you decided?” Grandmother asked.
Jiang Yanli nodded resolutely, “yes.”
“And the reasoning?”
“Of all the Great Sects, you have the least influence among the Nies. A-Cheng and A-Qing are married now, A-Xian and Wangji will be soon enough. Meng gongzi also values the chance you have given him to prove himself and the opportunity to be on more equal footing with ZeWuJun.”
“That still leaves both the Jins and the Nies as choices.”
“Madam Jin’s influence over her son is great. I have no need to go to Carp Tower any longer.”
“Jin ZiXuan is more easily directable than Nie Mingjue.”
“MianMian will take over from Madam Jin nicely, once the time comes.”
“MianMian?”
“Luo guniang, Luo Qingyang.”
“Not as obedient as her name would suggest?”
“Not at all,” Jiang Yanli agreed.
“You will make the suggestion to YuHuan?”
“I already have.”
Grandmother nodded her approval. “And Nie Mingjue?”
“Temperamental, unyielding, overly focused on cultivation to the detriment of his health,” Jiang Yanli noted, “but also dedicated, caring, overly protective of his little brother.”
“Has an offer been made?”
“Nie gongzi has hinted that he is making an effort to convince his da ge. He truly has no wish to be heir.”
“He is aware of your...limitations?”
“A-Qing says Sect Leader Nie is her most stubborn patient. She can only mitigate the effects so much. The process is slowed, but cannot be stopped.”
“That did not answer my question, A-Li.”
“Our conversations have been few thus far” Jiang Yanli admitted, “but I can extrapolate enough from the things Nie gongzi has said to know that he will not think less of me.”
“How much will you tell him?”
“Only what he thinks to ask.”
Grandmother nodded again. “Very well, A-Li. I trust your judgement.”
Jiang Yanli rose and bowed, “thank you, Grandmother.”
There were things she had not told Grandmother. Things Grandmother may already know anyways. But Grandmother was not given to sentiment, even if she understood such tendencies.
Jiang Yanli was given to sentiment. Even though she saw the world clearer than she used to, she still tended to be optimistic, still believed in fairy tales. It was hard not to, being witness to her brothers’ happiness as she was. Not that their stories were without their shares of drama these past five years. She did what she could to guide them though and knew her efforts were appreciated.
She inclined her head at Meng gongzi, who Grandmother had accepted as a secretary and a disciple, when she passed him in the hallway.
He smiled, a touch warmer than his usual polite default expression. “Jiang guniang. I hope your journey to Meishan was not too draining?”
“I am slightly tired,” she said honestly, “but if you are not busy, I wondered if you would care to accompany me on a walk through the gardens?”
“I’m not busy.”
She smiled at him.
“How are you finding MeiShan?” She asked him.
“It’s...different and yet familiar at the same time.”
“Oh?”
“I grew up in a brothel, the women there...they also learned to observe and master the weapons of their choice. There are more men in MeiShan, but the undercurrent of power still rests in the hands of those the world might otherwise overlook, look down upon, underestimate.”
“It suits you well then?”
“Chief Cultivator is a demanding task master. Detail oriented, exacting, commanding. No less than Sect Leader Nie had been. More so, really. She is far more ambitious though. And she chooses to foster ambition in others too, no matter their origins.”
“Can you be happy here?”
“Happy?”
Jiang Yanli looked at him, “yes, happy.”
He looked back at her, “I must admit, you are difficult to understand, Jiang guniang.”
“What is there to understand?”
“There is something about you,” he observed bluntly, “that makes even me want to share more than I know is wise. The questions you ask are simple, easily deflected, and yet...I want to tell you the truth. I know better than to trust a kind word and a smiling face but you...you are Chief Cultivator’s grand-daughter, the Violet Spider’s daughter, I know for a fact you are not as simple, as innocent, as you appear, but despite myself…”
“I am Grandmother’s grand-daughter and Mother’s daughter, yes,” she admitted, “but I see myself mostly as an older sister. I know about Grandmother’s ambitions and do my part to help her achieve them because I am a Yu as much as I am a Jiang. But I am also myself. More than power and legacy, what matters to me the most is the heart.”
“The heart.” He repeated.
“The rich are not always happy. The powerful are usually lonely. All that glitters is not gold. What is gold but a cold, unfeeling metal anyways? In contrast, the heart is warm and capable of overcoming even logic and reason and rules.”
She could tell he knew her words were chosen deliberately. All the better.
They walked in silence for a while longer before Meng gongzi asked, “did HuaiSang ask you to intervene on my behalf?”
“Nie gongzi expressed concern for your well-being, yes.”
“ZeWuJun was kind to me.”
“You would not have saved him otherwise.” She agreed, “but though your mind thirsts for knowledge, it is not in the orderly scholarly methods of the Lans, is it?”
“HuaiSang is more observant than people credit him.”
“Aside from his brother, you are the one who has had the most influence on him.”
“Me?”
“Yes.” She stopped at the fork in the path, “ZeWuJun is not the only one who cares about your well-being.”
She curtsied, “and now I fear my travels have caught up to me. Good day, Meng gongzi.”
It wasn’t even a lie. She was less sickly than she had been in the past, but the years of illness had indeed weakened her constitution. With A-Qing’s help, though, she was healthier than she had been in a long time.
She still took a nap and woke when the sun was just about to set. She pulled aside the curtains of the window. The waning sunshine glowed gold on the snowy mountain peaks in the distance.
Gold.
Different though. There was purity to this gold, even if it was only a trick of the light.
Beautiful, nonetheless.
She went to the desk, smoothed out a piece of paper, and dipped her brush in ink.
It wasn’t quite proper for an unwed young man and woman to exchange letters. But paintings didn’t count really as letters.
She smiled a little to herself as she passed the brush over the page. A-Xian was indeed a bad influence.
Carefully, she rolled up the painting once the paint dried and straightened her shoulders.
Onward.
Jiang Yanli laughed at the painting she received in reply. Ah HuaiSang.
“What nonsense has he drawn?” Nie Mingjue asked her.
She looked up at him with a smile, “Not truly nonsense.”
“Jiang guniang…”
She spied the disciple approaching, however, and inclined her head, “thank you for personally delivering it, Sect Leader Nie. But I believe Grandmother is ready for you.”
He frowned at her slightly before leaving for his scheduled meeting.
She spent another moment looking at the painting before rolling it up securely.
She looked up again when a shadow fell over her embroidery.
She stood and bowed politely, “I hope the discussion was fruitful?”
“It was.” He answered curtly.
“How is Nie gongzi?”
“He’s decided that the koi pond in the aviary is too small.”
“Has he?” She tilted her head slightly, “Meng gongzi is doing well.”
His frown deepened.
She continued nonetheless, “this time of day, he should be training with the others. He has no natural proclivity for the sword, but he is certainly very disciplined, or so Grandmother says.”
“He killed.”
“Did you ever ask him why?”
“He killed.”
She sighed and reached for the painting, unrolled it, and held it so that he could see it this time.
He glanced down at it and then back up at her, “I don’t understand.”
“Look closer.”
He looked recalcitrant, but did. He was silent for a long moment before saying, “he drew himself as a cowherd?”
“Pulling at a most stubborn oxen, wouldn’t you say?”
He crossed his arms, “foolishness.”
“Hmm.” She rolled up the scroll again.
“I listened. I didn’t kill him.”
“You just made him homeless, made him feel worthless again.” She chided.
“It’s been five years.”
“Do you know how much it meant to him that you gave him a chance?”
“Then he shouldn’t have squandered it.”
She sighed. “Are you completely blameless?”
“What do you mean?”
“HuaiSang told me about how the others continued to make snide remarks outside of your hearing. I had also been there in Cloud Recesses, when the others whispered about him. And still, he withstood it, all of it. But everyone has a breaking point. I am not excusing him, what he did was also wrong, but surely it’s as important to understand the rationale for a crime as it is to know of the crime itself?”
“HuaiSang asked you to speak to Chief Cultivator, didn’t he?”
“And if he did?”
He looked away, “To HuaiSang, he is…”
“A friend. The only friend he had before meeting A-Xian.”
He turned back towards her, “I..”
“You’ve been at once brother and father. I can understand. You are also a Sect Leader and thus must enforce the proper laws. But some things...some things are not so black and white, are they?”
He was quiet before bowing, “good day, Jiang guniang, I must return to the Unclean Realm.”
She did not watch him leave.
These things, they really could not be rushed.
“Why him?” A-Qing asked Jiang Yanli bluntly.
“Maybe like you, I simply like a challenge?”
A-Qing just poured the tea.
“Why not him?” Jiang Yanli asked mildly.
“He has no interest in anything besides cultivation.”
“That’s not true and you know it.”
A-Qing snorted in a manner that distinctly reminded Jiang Yanli of A-Cheng. “You could just marry Nie HuaiSang instead.”
Jiang Yanli laughed, “don’t be silly.”
“Am I being silly?”
“Yes.”
A-Qing sipped her tea. “I blame Wei WuXian.”
“What did A-Xian do?”
“Invited both of them to Lotus Pier. At the same time.”
“Though A-Cheng was the one left to entertain them.”
“Because Wei WuXian thought he was being helpful.”
“Is it not helpful for A-Ning to have more friends?”
“Nie HuaiSang doesn’t just want to be friends.” A-Qing said crossly.
“Thus I cannot marry him.”
A-Qing’s lips pressed tightly together. “The Wens and Nies have been enemies for so long…”
“You’ve been working on changing that, haven’t you?”
“They are our closest neighbors.”
“So A-Ning wouldn’t be too far away, if HuaiSang gets his way. And I’d be able to help look after him too.”
“Nie HuaiSang has been rather dedicated to learning about ways to settle his brother’s qi.”
“Nightless City’s Library is enviable.”
“It was a mistake to give Wei WuXian access to it though.”
“Why do you say that?”
“He has gotten it into his head that he can do something about the Burial Mounds.”
Jiang Yanli set down her teacup, “the Burial Mounds?”
“Lan Wangji will keep him from doing anything too self-destructive.”
“The Burial Mounds?” Jiang Yanli asked again.
A-Qing sighed, “can you think of a more impossible task?”
“Sometimes, I think he takes our motto much too literally.”
“Just sometimes?” A-Qing asked dryly.
Jiang Yanli sighed, “at least...at least Yiling is just across the Long River from YunMeng.”
“How are the negotiations going?”
“It’s been shocking to A-Xian, I think, how defensive Mother has been of him.”
“Of him or of the Head Disciple of YunMeng Jiang?”
“Mother is...less harsh than she had been.”
“It ought to help that Master Lan likely wants to minimize the time Wei WuXian would spend in Cloud Recesses.”
“Until ZeWuJun marries, Wangji remains the heir though.”
“Even if he marries, Lan Wangji would still be heir.”
“Mn.”
“Master Lan really will suffer qi deviation, won’t he?”
“You’ll prevent it.”
A-Qing just shook her head, “there are limits to my abilities too.”
“Ah, but you’re a Jiang now. We at least attempt the impossible.”
“Is that why you’ve chosen him?” A-Qing brought the conversation back on track.
“What have I to lose?”
“Yanli jie…”
“I could love him. I do not. But I could.”
“Could you really?”
“He is a caretaker too.”
“Yanli jie, you should be happy too.”
Jiang Yanli smiled, “who’s to say I won’t be? At the very least, it’s my own choice this time. My own mistake. I’m allowed that, aren’t I?”
“To think,” A-Qing commented, “that I have been the sentimental one.”
Jiang Yanli laughed again, “Ah A-Qing. A-Cheng thinks the world of you.”
“I know.”
“It’s...flattering, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t marry him because of flattery.”
“You married him because he was kind.”
A-Qing shook her head, “I was caught off guard because of his kindness. I married him because he treats me as an equal, because he respects my abilities, because...because he does challenge me.”
“It is also nice to be needed, isn’t it?”
“I am also in possession of an ego.”
“Well of course you must, Sect Leader Wen.”
“Are you choosing him because he is the opposite of Jin ZiXuan?” A-Qing remained serious despite Jiang Yanli’s teasing.
“The opposite?”
“The only person with more experience running a Great Sect is your Father. Nie Mingjue has his own opinions and rarely changes them. Jin ZiXuan has thoughts of his own I’m sure, but he is much more used to having everything planned out and thought out for him. Nie Mingjue would take care of you, instead of just you taking care of him.”
“Jin gongzi is not as useless as you’re making him out to be.” Jiang Yanli protested.
“He is not,” A-Qing agreed, “but his mother is definitely the power behind the throne. Anyways, is it a reason?”
“No, it’s not.”
“You’re certain?”
“It helps,” Jiang Yanli admitted, “that he’s strong, in body and in opinions.”
“In body, huh?”
Jiang Yanli blushed even as she noted, “I have eyes.”
A-Qing smirked a little before growing serious again, “he listens, even when it’s obvious he disagrees. He’s blunt and honest in a way that’s refreshing in the world of politics.”
“I can be sentimental enough for the both of us, if needed.”
A-Qing tilted her head, “you want to be respected as much as you want to be loved.”
Jiang Yanli nodded.
“A worthy goal,” A-Qing decided.
Jiang Yanli smiled, “you approve of my choice then?”
“You don’t need my approval.” A-Qing reminded her.
“I’d like to have it, nonetheless.”
“Yanli jie…”
“Marriage is between two individuals as much as it is between two families.” Jiang Yanli reminded her.
“The Jins will be left out.”
“They had their chance.”
A-Qing arched an eyebrow. “Jin ZiXuan apologized, I recall.”
“I am not who I had been.”
A-Qing raised her teacup in a toast, “you are more fully yourself.”
Jiang Yanli smiled as she clinked their teacups together.
Nie Mingjue looked rather awkward as he stood in the kitchen, where Jiang Yanli had instructed the maid to direct him.
A bull in a china shop perhaps. She might make such a drawing for HuaiSang.
Jiang Yanli nodded at him but then resumed her task of mincing the meat on the chopping board even as she explained, “Dan Dan noodles. A specialty of Sichuan province, I learned from the cooks in MeiShan. Similar and yet not to the Hot Dry Noodles of YunMeng. Spicy in a numbing way rather than just purely spicy. A-Xian is rather fond of it.”
“Could I...um...could I be of help?”
And unexpected offer. She shook her head, “I’ve made it enough times that it’s no trouble.”
She checked on the steamer and nodded in satisfaction before pouring oil into the wok in preparation for completing the sauce of the noodles. All the while, he stood and watched.
“Do you make all the meals?”
“Not all,” she said, “but I could not let A-Xian be married without some of his favorite dishes.”
“I should not disrupt you.”
She checked on the soup before removing it from the stove, “no disruption.”
She poured the finished noodles into individual bowls and nodded at the waiting servants who would take them to the banquet hall.
She washed her hands before untying her apron and hanging it on the hook, “See, all done.”
He frowned at her even as he said, “I was rude, back in MeiShan.”
“I take no offense.”
He straightened his shoulders, looking for a moment as though he was preparing himself for battle, “I know what HuaiSang has been plotting.”
“Do you?”
“He has never wanted to be heir.”
“Ah.”
“He already thinks of you as an older sister.”
“How fortunate. I think of him as a little brother as well.”
“I have little to offer any woman. The Nie way of cultivating…”
“Leads to shortened lifespans, I know. Even with A-Qing’s best efforts, she can only forestall the inevitable and make it less violent.”
“Then…”
“I don’t mind.”
“No?”
“My own lifespan will be short for a cultivator, even if it’ll be quite average for a regular person.”
“The way you wielded the cooking knife, you could easily master other blades.”
“Mayhaps. But I’ve chosen not to. I find reward and satisfaction in other pursuits.”
“You’ve been encouraging HuaiSang to shirk his duties.”
“You may not be afraid of death, but he is.”
“Are you?”
“I’ve faced it once already.”
She inclined her head towards the doorway, “The banquet will be beginning shortly. I must go change. If you’ll excuse me, Sect Leader Nie.”
He bowed at her politely.
He was still frowning when she glanced his way even as fireworks burst in the sky much later that evening. There was the sound of rather drunken cheers from the gathered guests.
A-Qing sighed slightly as A-Cheng and HuaiSang launched into a rather slurred version of what must be a drinking song, “he’s going to have a headache and be cross tomorrow.”
“Let them celebrate.” Jiang Yanli said.
“He’s a clingy drunk.”
Jiang Yanli smiled, “you don’t really mind.”
“It harms his health.”
“And yet you let Uncle Four make the special brew anyways.”
“Uncle Four is fond of Wei WuXian, heaven knows why.”
Jiang Yanli laughed. “You should probably go stop them, before A-Cheng actually falls over.”
A-Qing sighed, “good night, then, Yanli jie.”
Jiang Yanli watched as A-Cheng greeted his wife with a wide grin before throwing his arms around her. A-Qing looked stern as she exchanged words with A-Ning, who nodded before directing a swaying HuaiSang in the direction of the guest quarters.
The other guests also began trickling away from the banquet hall.
Mother gave her a look to which she just smiled in response. Mother also glanced at Nie Mingjue before guiding an inebriated Father, who was a sleepy drunk, towards rest as well.
Jiang Yanli stayed by the lake and turned back to watching the floating lanterns.
She was eventually rewarded for her patience.
“What did you mean about facing death?”
She did not turn to face him. “Mother had hoped to pass Zidian onto me. She even took me along with her on nighthunts, just the two of us, when I was younger. She didn’t even bring JinZhu or YinZhu. One time, though, something went wrong and I...I almost died. I never quite recovered. She didn’t tell me, though, that the illness had infected my Core. And though I’m not much of a cultivator, it was still with me, within me, still poisoning me slowly. She traveled much throughout my youth, not just to avoid Father, but also to try to find a cure. She never could.”
“How long?”
“When I found out, I had about four years left.”
“When did you find out?”
“Six, almost seven, years ago now.”
“Then you’re cured?”
“In a manner of speaking.”
“What does that mean?” He sounded impatient.
Ah yes, he really was of a blunt and straightforward nature, wasn’t he?
She turned to look at him then, “cultivation does not define me. It never did.”
She turned back towards the lanterns when she saw his eyes widen after a long moment.
“Do you brothers know?”
“No.”
“Who does?”
“Mother of course. And Grandmother. Grandmother was the one who told me. She thought I deserved to know. And A-Qing.”
“Sect Leader Wen?”
“She cured me.”
“She…”
“She is my friend, my sister, but also my healer. I visit QiShan regularly so that she can continue 调整 (tiáo zhěng: revise, adjust) my medication regimen to maximize my health. She really is gifted. Being Sect Leader Wen is a necessity, a duty she accepted, but in her heart, she is still a healer, just a healer.”
She paused before adding, “and now you.”
“Me?”
“You know now too.” She explained.
“Why?”
“You accepted a whore’s son into your employ. Not only that, you made him your second in command. And not only that, but you allowed him to care for your little brother. You would not think less of me despite knowing.”
“Cultivation is my life.”
“Perhaps. But it is not your sole priority. There is your Sect and your little brother too. Brothers, I daresay, because that is what ZeWuJun is to you as well, isn’t it?”
“XiChen never had a father to guide him. His Uncle is capable, but he is not a warm individual. Neither am I really, but I...I know what it’s like, to bear the burden of responsibilities to a Sect and a little brother that looks to me for guidance.”
She nodded, “I also know what HuaiSang has been plotting. I haven’t discouraged him.”
“No?”
She looked at him, “Quite the opposite, actually.”
He stared at her and she held his gaze.
“He is fond of you.” He said at least.
“I am likewise fond of him.”
“I’ve never thought about getting married. The idea is very foreign.”
“I appreciate your honesty.”
“外柔内刚 (wài róu nèi gāng: soft on the outside, iron within),” he observed about her.
She just smiled, “facing the certainty of death made me re-prioritize and reflect on what is truly important to me.”
“And what is that?”
“My brothers.” She answered readily. “Their 安危 (ān wēi: safety, peacefulness, well-being). That they may grow into fine men who are at peace with themselves. That the world may allow for and be conducive to such growth.”
“Is that how you became friends with Sect Leader Wen?”
“We are similar, for all that we are very different too.”
“And now that your brothers are well settled?”
“I will always be their big sister. I’ve officially gained another little brother today too.”
“And HuaiSang?”
“I am not averse to the idea.”
“I don’t know.” He said after a moment, “I need to think about it.”
She nodded. “But of course.”
He looked at her another moment before bowing, “good night, Jiang guniang.”
She bowed back, “good night, Sect Leader Nie.”
He eventually gave her a dagger, and insisted on teaching her on the proper use of it.
“No sense of romance,” HuaiSang grumbled as they watched the koi dart after the food they had dropped into the pond.
Jiang Yanli just chuckled lightly, “it’s practical.”
HuaiSang made a face, “I gave him many other suggestions.”
“But then they’d be gifts from you, not from him.”
He looked at her sideways.
She just smiled reassuringly at him, “I do not expect him to be anyone but himself.”
“He’s supposed to be wooing you.”
“He believes me capable of wielding it, of defending myself if needed. It’s a compliment.”
“You deserve to have pretty things.” HuaiSang insisted.
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, is it not?”
“Still.”
She dusted her hands, “want to help me make some mung bean cakes?”
“You’re our guest,” he protested. “It’s already highly irregular for da ge to be absent.”
“There was an emergency. He is the Sect Leader.”
Nie HuaiSang sighed.
“The kitchens?” She prompted again.
“I suppose they’ll be yours soon enough.” He admitted.
“It’s early yet.” She said serenely.
Nie HuaiSang shook his head but led her in the proper direction.
They also made taro root cakes.
“Pretty enough?” She asked them as they arranged the finished products on a tray.
Nie HuaiSang looked at the intermingling of green and light purple treats and grinned, “most definitely.”
Jiang Yanli smiled back, “I think so too.”
“Do you love him?”
An unexpected question, coming from Mother. But perhaps not so surprising. Jiang Yanli was getting married today, after all.
“Does it matter?”
“A-Li…”
“You love Father, but it didn’t prevent you from being miserable for more than twenty years.”
“You’re still angry with me.”
“I am not,” Jiang Yanli answered steadily, “you’ve been trying.”
“But they’ll never trust me like they trust you. And their spouses are both polite but distant.”
“Do you blame them?”
“They are a credit to you.” Mother said after a moment.
Jiang Yanli sighed, “your good opinion still matters to them, both of them.”
“And to you?”
“I will be happy, Mother. I am happy.” So saying, she pressed the comb into Mother’s hand.
“A-Li…”
“It’s part of the rituals, isn’t it?”
Mother stood behind her and ran the comb through her hair, murmuring the traditional blessings as she did.
“I expected you to ask your Grandmother.”
Jiang Yanli met her eyes in the mirror, “I never stopped being your daughter.”
Mother didn’t say anything, just reached for the 鳳冠 (fèngguān: traditional headgear) and securing it on her head.
“Is it heavy?”
“I’m stronger than I seem.” Jiang Yanli reminded her.
Mother reached for the red veil but paused before placing it over Jiang Yanli’s head, “A-Li…”
Jiang Yanli smiled slightly at her, “I really am happy, Mother.”
Mother let out a breath before Jiang Yali’s world became shrouded in red.
She felt Mother squeeze her hand, “I am...proud of you.”
Jiang Yanli squeezed back, “be well, Mother.”
The mountains around the Unclean Realm were formidable shadows. Rocky. Unforgiving. So different from the flatness, the softness of the waters of Lotus Pier.
But Jiang Yanli was no stranger to mountains, even if these were different from the ones in QiShan and MeiShan.
She felt a cloak being slipped over her shoulders.
“You are not yet used to northern climates.” He told her.
“The sun will rise soon.”
“Are you an early riser too?”
“The morning dew from the lotus leaves make particularly refreshing tea.” She informed him.
He wrapped an arm around her, almost tentatively. Ridiculous really, when they were man and wife now.
“Are you afraid?” He asked her.
“Afraid? Of what?”
“Winter.”
“I am not really so fragile.”
“It’ll be different.”
She leaned against him, appreciating the warmth that radiated from him. “I’ll live.”
Together, they watched the sun rise.
“A new day.” He noted.
She turned towards him, “A new beginning.”
He did not return her smile. It wasn’t his way. But his arm did tighten about her even as he said, “There has not been a Madam Nie for many years.”
“I get to make the position my own then.”
“Yes.”
Bravely, she stood on tiptoes and kissed his cheek, “It’ll be well.”
“I believe you.” He said solemnly before adding, “I believe in you.”
And Jiang Yanli smiled.
There was no fateful entanglement as between A-Xian and Wangji. Nor love at first sight as for A-Cheng and A-Qing. But all the 甜言蜜语 (tián yán mì yǔ: idiom: sweet speech and honeyed words) in the world meant nothing in the face of his sincerity and honesty.
She looked again at the mountains. They were steady, grounding, solid.
She slipped her hand into his. She was home.