Work Text:
Matt passed his fingers over the ink once again to read the envelope he was holding. It had been so long that the handwriting seemed almost unknown to him. He was sitting on a bench across from Clinton Church where he and Karen had agreed to meet and, as much as he wanted for time to pass, he was also fearing the moment when he'd finally have to go inside, that’s why he was grateful that she would be accompanying him. A cold evening wind started blowing so he put the envelope in his pocket, his gloves back on, and then rubbed his hands together trying to stay warm as he waited.
A few minutes later, in the middle of car horns, rushed steps and the dry smell of pine trees distinctive of Christmas time, he recognized Karen’s heartbeat. As she approached him, he was mesmerized by the familiar lavender scent, this time harmoniously combined with an irresistible smell of butter cookies and cinnamon-spiced hot chocolate.
“Hmmm is that homemade?” he asked as soon as she reached him.
"Technically, yes. I ordered it at Daisy's. It was a long week," she said with an unguilty shrug. "But they taste almost exactly like my mom's, so…"
"They do smell great."
Matt gave her a quick kiss on her lips to properly greet her and then tried to sneak his fingers inside the basket she was carrying to grab a cookie.
“Do not even think about it, mister. These are for Maggie,” she stopped him, pulling on his hand.
“Come on. At least one? You know they’re my favorite.”
“And they’re also hers! You already got her something and I don’t know what else she likes, so this will be my humble present. You don't get to eat it.” She tried to keep a serious face but still fell for Matt’s begging face. “Don’t worry. There’s more at home. It was a big order.”
He immediately beamed and leaned in toward her to kiss her again. “You're an angel. And the present is from both of us.”
She blushed a little and smiled. “Are you ready?”
“Not really… I mean, I want to do this, but I don’t want her to take it the wrong way.”
She took his hand and squeezed it. “It'll be alright. I think she’ll love it.”
“I hope so. Shall we?"
Karen held his arm and Matt grabbed the package that had been sitting next to him. Then they went inside the church’s front yard which, aside from the pathway, was entirely covered with snow and tree leaves. As for the church, it was gracefully decorated: hundreds of Christmas lights illuminated the exterior, compensating for the lack of stars in the sky; a wreath with golden ribbons and small bubbles was hanging on the door; and even the rug had been replaced by a red one. When they entered, Karen was able to see a couple of parishioners still sitting on the pews, but the mass was already over, so they hoped Maggie would be able to spend a few minutes with them.
They began looking for her, Karen with her eyes, Matt with the rest of his senses, but Maggie found them first. She was talking to one of the novices and her face brightened up when she saw them. Matt stopped at roughly the same time, the tilt in his head let Karen know which direction to look.
"Merry Christmas! What a nice surprise."
Karen smiled and Matt was the one to talk. "Merry Christmas to you too! I, um, we were wondering if you have a moment."
"Absolutely. Why don’t you come with me to the parish house?"
"Oh we don't want to bother…" Matt started saying, but he was interrupted by Karen's elbow discreetly bumping his ribs.
"It's alright, really. Everyone's out for the Christmas carols. Please, come with me."
They followed Maggie down a stairway that led to an annex. The place seemed to have been first and last decorated over 40 years ago, perhaps that's what made it so cozy. It was dimly lit, smelled like oak, and even had a fireplace that Matt could tell had been used recently. They sat on some old rocking chairs around a small table with an embroidered tablecloth, and Karen was particularly amazed at the huge bookcase on their right. She also recognized a young father Lantom in one of the photo frames on the wall.
"Make yourselves at home," Maggie invited, the smile on her face had not faded away.
"Thank you," Matt answered, a little tense. Luckily for him, Karen noticed his nervousness and announced the reason why they had come in the first place.
"We brought you something. A little Christmas present."
"You did? Goodness, this is unexpected. I should've gotten you two something too."
"Not at all. Oh and in case you don't like it, it was Karen's idea," Matt added.
Karen rolled her eyes and laughed. "I only chose the color! The rest was entirely him, believe me. Oh I almost forgot. Where should I put these?" she asked, lifting the basket with the cookies and the chocolate.
"That’s for me too? You're too kind. The smell is killing me. In the best way, of course. Why don't we share?"
"Well, I’m sure someone here won’t oppose that idea, right?” Karen answered, looking at Matt.
“Not at all.”
“Good, then. I'll go get some mugs and napkins,” Maggie quickly offered.
“Oh no, no. You stay here. Just show me where the kitchen is and I'll serve everything."
Following Maggie’s guidance, Karen headed for the kitchen, not without first glancing at Matt who, despite being slightly nervous still, smiled at her. She had just given him a moment of privacy.
He took the green gift box that he had been carrying and handed it to Maggie, studying each of her reactions. When she received it, her arms were trembling faintly and her heart sped up, although she wasn’t even worried about its contents. She was getting a present from Matt, from her son, and that alone filled her with joy.
"This is so warm and soft. I love the color too!" Maggie exclaimed while rubbing the red, woolen scarf between her face and her neck.
"Karen said it would go well with your skin."
"It's perfect. Thank you so much."
"I'm very glad you like it. There's something else…" Matt slid his hand inside his coat pocket, took out the envelope and gave it to Maggie, who stared at it with curiosity. It was yellowish and looked like something that had survived many years inside a drawer. "This was written long ago. For some reason I never tore it into pieces and threw it away. I guess a very small part of me believed I'd be able to deliver it some day, and here I am. You don't need to say anything. My intention is not to trouble you, quite the opposite. I just think you have the right to read it."
He got up very slowly and walked a few steps aside, leaving Maggie speechless. On the other side of the wall, he could also sense Karen standing with her arms crossed and the tray of cookies and chocolate sitting on the counter.
"Remember: it'll be alright," he heard her whisper, and once again thanked her for encouraging him.
Maggie felt like her heart was about to come out of her chest when she read the three letters on the envelope, undoubtedly written by the sweet hand of a child:
Mom
With quivering hands, she opened it, and it was impossible for her to hold the tears from streaming down her face with every word she read:
Dear mom,
Can I call you "mom"? I really don't know if I should because I don't know you. Our English teacher asked us to write a letter to someone we look forward to meeting one day. Everyone laughed when I asked if the person had to be alive, but Mr. Lopez said it didn't matter because we might as well meet them in another life. So whether you are dead or alive, I decided to write this to you.
I see you in my dreams sometimes, but no matter how much I try I can never remember your face. Dad gets nervous whenever I ask about you. He never tells me anything. Neither does grandma. I guess it makes them sad. But it’s not fair, you know? I really love them, they're the best, but I wish I had you too, just like other kids do.
I would love to hear your voice and know what you smell like, I want to know what your favorite kind of food is, and if you like the same old music my dad listens to, but above all, I would love to know where you are. Wherever that is, I wish it was here with me instead.
With love,
Matt
Maggie held the letter against her chest wishing there was something she could do in order to be there for that boy Matt once was and make it up for being a shadow for him when she should have been part of his happiness. However, it was too late now to mend the past, that boy was gone, yet he had grown up into this wonderful man who had been kind enough to forgive her.
Matt remained standing across from her. Under his calm appearance, his hands were sweating and a lump had formed on his throat. He was waiting for Maggie to say something, anything, but instead she got up from her chair and almost ran to him, throwing her arms around him.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she said between sobs.
"Don't be. It's alright. It's alright now."
"You, Matthew, are the greatest gift I've ever received."
Matt embraced her warmly. She was so small and fragile, and flawed like him, but also generous and brave. She was not the person he had dreamed of, but she was his mother, and he was proud to be her son.
Karen walked in very slowly, deeply moved by the scene, and couldn't help feeling a tiny pinch of benign envy in her heart. She laid the tray on the coffee table and sat down, causing Maggie to pull away when she became aware of her spectator.
"Oh god, look at me." She was blushed with embarrassment, but Karen thought she looked adorable.
"I'm afraid I can't," Matt teased her.
Maggie chuckled, pulling away, and turned to Karen. "Does he always joke like this?"
"You get used to it," Karen replied with a smile.
They both sat back down and Maggie wiped her face with a napkin while Matt poured the hot chocolate into the mugs. He was very thankful for this moment, sharing a hot chocolate and his favorite kind of cookie with the two most important women in his life.
When the three mugs were empty and there was nothing but crumbs left on the plates, it was time to call it a night. A snowstorm was expected and they had to get home before it started.
"Thank you so much for coming. It was a lovely visit."
"Thank you for having us. Why don't we do this every year? It would be nice, don’t you think?" Karen suggested.
"I don't have any more letters," Matt joked.
"No, you silly! I mean, this. The three of us. It can be a new little tradition."
"I like that. I guess it will all depend on how busy the church's itinerary is."
They both looked at Maggie. They knew that between the masses and the other activities that the orphanage arranged for the children and the community during this season she didn't have much time to spare.
"Well, you know what they say: 'There's always room for chocolate'," she answered with a wide smile.
And so they agreed to gather every year on December 25 or the nearest day possible to enjoy a cozy evening together.
Matt and Karen then helped clear off the table, put their jackets and gloves on, and said goodbye to Maggie. They headed out and when they passed the front door Matt stopped walking. Karen saw him tilt his head and wondered if there was something wrong.
"What is it?"
He raised his head and pointed upwards with his index finger. Karen tried to look in the same direction but felt like she was searching for something invisible.
"I'm just… listening," Matt said quietly, almost whispering. "It's like music. The sound they make while descending down the air. It's amazing."
A second later, snow started falling all around them and Karen understood what he was talking about. She loved it when he told her about those little things, she treasured them like gold. It was as if he opened a gate that welcomed her into his world. She didn't need Matt's heightened senses to know that to him the snowflakes sounded like little crystals crashing against the bricks, the trees, their clothes, the ground, and by the serenity on his face she trusted that the experience of hearing all that was just as pleasant as seeing it.
"You are amazing."
"So are you, sweetheart,” he told her, sliding his hands around her waist and kissing her briefly. “Thank you for coming with me today.”
“Thanks for letting me be part of it.”
“How do you feel about walking home instead of taking a cab? You know, to enjoy the snow."
"But won't we be frozen by the time we get there?"
"Yeah, maybe, but there's always hot chocolate, hugs, blankets… I could go on and on."
"Mmm that doesn’t sound too bad, I must say. You've convinced me."
“Perfect. Let’s go then.”
She clung to his arm and they walked out of the church together. This would be the first of many days to come that they’d both treasure like gold.