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Kai's dilemma starts one cold December morning.
The entirety of his class has just finished drawing all their names for the long-awaited Secret Santa event that they have each year. And he just so happens to be undoubtedly unfortunate.
Kai has usually been plenty excited about secret santas, as all his picks for all the years he has done this were quite apparent on what they wanted. That is exactly his problem now, as he sits back down on his desk with the name he has drawn a few seconds ago.
"Choi Beomgyu"
Of all the people in his class, of course Kai was unlucky enough to have picked Beomgyu. He groans at his predicament.
"You look stressed." Oh, what perfect timing.
Beomgyu comes into view, taking his seat in front of Kai. That's because of you, he almost blurts out, catching himself a fraction before doing so. "Who'd you get for your Secret Santa?"
Kai pockets the slip of paper, quickly pulling on a grin, "wouldn't be much of a secret if I tell you, would it?"
Beomgyu huffs out a laugh, his hand moving with a dismissive gesture, "then I won't tell you mine, either."
"Didn't ask you to," Kai muses just as the other boy turns towards the front of the room, the teacher calling the class' attention. The bell for their first period echoes, but the warning ringing off in Kai's head seemed to be louder.
Worry quickly seeps into his mind, already thinking of everything that Beomgyu might want.
What could he possibly want? He's got everything.
Other people may think this would've been a no-brainer for Kai, given that he has been with Beomgyu twenty-four seven for years now. Though contrary to aforementioned belief, one of the things Kai has noted about Beomgyu all those time is that he's the hardest open-book to read.
An absolute confusion, Choi Beomgyu is.
Aside from that, it doesn't help that Kai is absolutely head over heels in love for the boy. And that's partly what's causing all this inner turmoil he's profusely experiencing.
So as Kai stares at the dark fluff that was Beomgyu's head, the ongoing lecture about geometry serving as white noise, he decides—he will do whatever it takes to know Beomgyu's christmas wishlist, and he'll be the best Secret Santa the boy has ever gotten.
He's totally got this under control.
—
Kai does not have this under control.
In fact, he hasn't gotten a clue where to start.
That is exactly what he's mulling over this very moment, as he has been for the past hour or two. He feels his back ache from how long he has been situated on the kitchen chair of their dorm. Across him is Yeonjun, slurping noodles absurdly loud—at least, loud enough that it distracts Kai.
"Hyung, could you please, uh, eat a little bit more calmly?" he tries, pushing his glasses back up his nose, tapping the end of his pen against his paper. The page is filled, but not in a way that would help him. Aside from numerous crossed out ideas of what Beomgyu might like, it's also just full of scribbles asking for help. To be frank, he's got nothing.
"Oh, are you doing homework?" Yeonjun asks, swallowing down his food. Kai neither confirms nor deny. While it's not exactly homework, it's beginning to feel like one. The older boy flashes him a sheepish smile, "I'll be quiet, sorry."
He mutters a faint 'thank you' to Yeonjun, resuming his unfruitful brainstorming. It's only the two of them in the dorm, the other three still in the company for some vocal lessons. Despite it being the holidays, their job doesn't really ensue for any break.
The thought gives an way to an idea to popping up into Kai's head. Beomgyu has been complaining a lot about his shoes being too tight whenever they're practicing, maybe a new pair would make him happy?
The idea being a good one goes as fast as it comes, Kai halting as the tip of the pen touches the paper—Beomgyu has got a hundred pairs of shoes by now, it wouldn't be as special as Kai would want it to be. Shoes won't work.
As he continues his internal dialogue against himself, Yeonjun's unwarranted noise disrupts him again. Kai's a bit too occupied to react a little softer.
"Yeonjun-ssi, can you please be quiet?"
Yeonjun stares at him, his chopsticks hanging from his lips as he pauses mid-bite. His expression quickly morphs into one of exasperation, "ssi? Yeonjun-ssi? Hey, what did I say about calling me that?"
Oh no, Kai closes his eyes momentarily.
"Am I a stranger to you, kid? Does four years mean nothing to you?" Yeonjun puts the chopsticks down, his eyes popping open. "Why do you keep referring to me so formally? What's the reason? What is it that you want?"
Kai gestures for Yeonjun to calm down, but the latter keeps on going. How many times have they gone over this same scenario, he has lost count.
"What is it? Just tell me!" Yeonjun says, an inch bit too dramatically, "I wouldn't know if you don't let me know! Is it too hard for hyung to understand? Go on, write it down, I'll read it!"
Kai latches onto Yeonjun's arm and shakes it, "I know, hyung, I'm sorry. Calm down, come on—"
"Why, why?" Yeonjun ignores his attempts, "or would you rather I write it myself? 'I wish Huening wouldn't call me so formally,' does that work?"
Kai's head snaps up towards his hyung, too fast that he gives himself a whiplash. Idea.
His hands hit the table surface a bit harder than he intends, shaking it, and successfully cutting Yeonjun short from his perpetual ranting.
"That's it!" he jumps up, a euphoric beam on his face, "that's exactly it! You're a genius, Yeonjun-ssi!"
Yeonjun is both startled and confused, but he unabashedly scoffs from the offhanded compliment, "of course, I'm Choi Yeonj—wait, hey! I said stop it with the 'ssi'! Wait until MOA hears about this!"
" hi cutie, what's your christmas wishlist?
- your secret santa "
Kai's the first person Beomgyu flaunts the note he finds in his pencil case (Kai managed to slip it in when the boy went to the washroom), a wide grin on his face as he slams the piece of paper on his desk. "Look at this!" the enthusiasm dripping from his voice, "I've got an admirer."
Kai tries to stop himself from bursting out into a nervous laugh upon seeing the note. Yes, this is the genius idea he had come up with. Why spend so much time thinking about what to give Beomgyu when Kai could just ask him, though secretly?
Fool-proof plan.
"It's your secret santa asking what gift you want, not a love letter," Kai points out, earning a dismissive hum from Beomgyu. "They called me cute, and it's a secret. A secret admirer," he reasons. Kai doesn't stop the fond laugh that falls from his lips, "that's not how it works."
Kai doesn't tell Beomgyu the obvious fact that being who he is, he probably has half their school's population at his feet.
Though it helps that he's a famous idol, Choi Beomgyu himself is just a magnet of adoration. Kai knows this, as he is one of those poor souls that's helplessly caught under his spell.
To be completely honest, Kai isn’t entirely sure when he began feeling this way towards the other boy.
It's been too long, Kai has lost track of when a subtle boost of adoration had morphed into this mess of feelings he now has towards Beomgyu.
Maybe it was way back during their days as trainees, when Kai had been too young to distinguish friendship from fondness and Beomgyu had been too homesick for comfort and they found a companion in each other.
Maybe it was right after debut, when the spotlight hit the brightest and their lives suddenly started moving at an inexplicably brisk pace.
Or perhaps, it’s in one of the days when Beomgyu would hold his hand and Kai finds himself hoping that he would do so for a long, long time.
There are many more instances where he could’ve started having definite feelings for the other.
The only thing that Kai is certain of is that he’s completely and undeniably in love with one Choi Beomgyu.
" would you tell me your wish?
- your secret santa "
A fool-proof plan, Kai decides only a week later that it isn't.
He watches from the behind the corner as Beomgyu's face lights up as he pulls the paper from the door of his locker. Kai couldn't help but smile as well, seeing the genuine happiness burst throughout Beomgyu's face as his eyes scan over the little note.
Contrary to what he hoped, Beomgyu hasn't yet given in. The past five days of giving Beomgyu the notes have been nothing but fruitless. Though, the pure excitement in Beomgyu whenever he finds the day's note makes up for it. He even shared—announced, more so—to their bandmates that he has gotten himself a secret (santa) admirer.
Not even budging with Kai's blatant suggestions that maybe Beomgyu should feel bad for this secret santa and just let them know what he wants. The older boy only laughs, “guess” he tells him.
"Anything would be special, honestly," Beomgyu reasons, "also, they're putting so much effort on these notes! I'm sure they'd put a lot of effort on choosing a gift too, they can do it."
So, yes—it is not going as smoothly as he initially hoped.
And while all his previous attempts have rendered him empty handed, it might be a wonder why Kai hasn't yet stopped this. Leaving the notes as strategic as he could, making sure Beomgyu doesn't see him doing so (and it's gotten a lot harder now that the boy is always on full-alert), is quite difficult.
But as much as Kai would like to stop, knowing fully well that it wouldn't help him the way he wants it to—he continues to leave the little notes for Beomgyu to find and flaunt about.
For Kai, seeing Beomgyu's glowing aftermath in an explosion of joy makes his efforts all the more worth it. And as long as Beomgyu enjoys it, Kai would undoubtedly continue.
" i like your smile a lot
- your secret santa "
For the past two weeks since this game of little notes started, Kai isn't exactly sure when trying to find out Beomgyu's wishlist began turning into mini confessions.
"I wish the days would just fast forward," Beomgyu sighs, letting his head fall on Kai's shoulder and forgoing the empty space remaining on the couch, instead settles himself against the younger boy's side. "I just want to walk in class tomorrow and know who keeps giving me those."
So, yes—Beomgyu is definitely convinced now that his secret santa is also someone who likes him. And this part, Kai did not think through. Not at all.
He started giving compliments to Beomgyu, completely forgetting about the fact that he reveal himself at the end of it all. He's in trouble and it's entirely his to blame.
(Also Yeonjun's, he tells himself to feel a bit better.)
"Hyung, what if..."
Kai tries to control the way his heart beats erratically against his chest. It's been getting harder to control his emotions nowadays, an unfortunate sign that his feelings for Beomgyu constantly grows the more time they spend together. And they’re together a lot.
"What if?" Beomgyu turns his head towards him, eyes focused on the other—Kai feels his breath get caught at his throat. Beomgyu's right there, barely a few inches far, and yet he can't do anything about it. He sometimes dislikes having feelings for someone this close to him.
"What if your secret santa never reveals who they are?" Kai manages to let out, mentally patting himself on the back for the lack of stuttering on his part.
The thought brings a sour look on Beomgyu's face, and the frown that etches itself on his lips makes Kai's gut twist in regret. "That would be a bummer."
"You don't even know who they are," Kai adds, finds himself missing the warmth coming off of Beomgyu as the latter moves away to sit upright, "you might not like them."
"That's not really the point, you know?" Beomgyu shrugs, placing the piece of paper on the coffee table. "I'm curious who this person behind the notes is, but I also really just want to say thanks."
"Thanks?"
Beomgyu nods, a soft chuckle falling from his lips, "I know we get, what, a thousand of confessions online everyday? Maybe more, much more. And I really, really appreciate each one of them. But these notes for the past two weeks—for some reason, they feel different."
Beomgyu turns to his side, facing Kai completely, "I feel like whoever's writing these notes really knows me."
Kai feels his heart leap up to his throat. There's no way Beomgyu caught on. He forces out a laugh, sounded a bit more strained than he'd wanted, "it's our classmate. They must know you, to some extent."
"No, look," Beomgyu fixes a determined look on his face, "remember that note two days ago?"
Yes, of course Kai remembers, he wrote it. "I'm not sure I do, hyung."
"The person said they love how passionate I am about what I do," Beomgyu tells him as that in itself is a point. Kai breathes out, “Anyone could tell how passionate you are, though.”
Beomgyu shakes his head, "I just feel it—there's a connection, Hyuka. There's this unexplainable feeling from the notes that tells me these aren't just compliments from someone who simply knows my name, it feels like they really, really know who I am."
A fond laugh itches itself from Kai's chest, despite himself. "Alright," he hums, gone was his previous retaliation, "I get you."
Beomgyu grins triumphantly, and leans back against Kai. Kai likes this a lot, he likes it when Beomgyu becomes his laid-back self. Uncaring and unguarded, a side of him that not the whole world knows about.
With everything that's Secret Santa related momentarily forgotten, and with only Beomgyu's loud laughs bouncing off the walls to fill the room, Kai remembers once more just how much he feels for him.
Kai takes back all his prior complaints about his immense affection for Beomgyu, as the latter shows him a video on his phone that he finds humorous. For every moment that Kai spends with Beomgyu, he feels himself fall a little bit more.
It's a bit frightening, but Kai knows he wouldn't have it any other way.
" even though it’s hard, keep going! also, eat proper meals!
- your secret santa (is rooting for you) "
Kai and Beomgyu were laying on the cold wooden floor of the practice room, eyes boring holes into the ceiling when the latter brings it up once again.
"Hey, Kai," Beomgyu speaks up amidst the silence, "do you know who my secret santa is?"
Kai feels himself nearly choking on air, surprise overtaking him.
"No?" he replies, seeing from the side of his eye how Beomgyu raises his head to send him a look. "No, I don't," Kai repeats, coming out more certain this time. "Why do you ask?"
"It's just—" Beomgyu sighs, pushing himself up from the floor, "I don't exactly go around telling people that I'm stressed, you know?"
Kai follows the other, sitting up and leaning against the mirror. "Well, do you think I go around telling people about your worries, then?"
Beomgyu huffs out a laugh, albeit tiredly, the result of unending hours of practice. "I just thought that maybe they've approached you at least once? Asking about me, or something."
Kai wills his face to remain blank.
"Or maybe," Beomgyu squints his eyes towards Kai, in that playful manner he frequently does, "don't tell me it's y—"
"We're back!"
The other members burst through the dance studio's door, bags of food in their hands as they settle down. Kai feels his heart jump, and he feels as though ten years has been added to his lifespan when Beomgyu seemingly forgets his frighteningly accurate conclusion just a minute ago, may it be a joke or not.
It's not yet time. Kai couldn't let him know of his feelings, not yet.
There’s a lot that worried Kai when it came to realizing he was harbouring feelings for Beomgyu, more so the thought of confessing aforementioned feelings. It’s not only the horrifying thought of getting rejected, he has also thought about the possible consequences of having something between two people in their situation.
Being a celebrity doesn’t exactly warrant you the most private nor peaceful of lives. And news like this would blaze out of their control, burning and ripping through all their hard work. Oftentimes he has laid in bed thinking, wondering, coming up with all those different scenarios that probably wouldn’t even happen but still gives him a freight.
And yet.
When Beomgyu pops up into his mind, like the Beomgyu across from him in this very moment, with the wide smile and the most endearing laugh and the brightest eyes that Kai has learned to find comfort in—he lets himself feel at ease. Somehow, all those fears momentarily disappear.
This makes him certain that despite all the risks, Kai would be willing to take it. If it meant being able to call Beomgyu his home, and Beomgyu finding one in him.
Beomgyu laughs closed-lipped at something Soobin had said, successfully pulling Kai out of his trance. He looks at the boy who's stuffing his mouth copious amounts of jjajangmyeon—Kai doesn't even bother trying to push away the fondness that blooms in his chest.
" i hope your worries disappear, i wish i could make it all go away
- your secret santa "
Kai still slips the little note on Beomgyu's textbook, one that seems to be the most personal so far, despite himself.
It's no secret that all five of them are constantly hard on themselves when it comes to their career, but Beomgyu tends to be more demanding on himself. Though this results in quality perfection, it's also the cause of the boy's distress more often than not.
"I want to meet this person," Beomgyu mentions as he has been saying so for the past three weeks just as they start to eat their lunch, "I really, really do."
"What makes it different now?" Taehyun asks beside him, eyes trained on a book. "Nothing much," Beomgyu shrugs, "I just want to." Kai tries his best not to react, swallows down the panic along with his food.
"I want them to know how grateful I am," Beomgyu pockets the note, finally picking up his chopsticks, "and that the notes cheer me up a lot." Beomgyu's voice, in contrast to his previous moods in regards to his admirer, was a lot calmer. It feels oddly sentimental.
Kai takes a moment for himself, bites the inside of his cheek at the brewing emotions within the pit of his stomach. A quick spike of worry runs up his spine, does Beomgyu know? Has he finally caught on?
He shakes his head, dragging his eyes from Beomgyu to the tray in front of him. It can't be.
Just as Kai’s mind starts to brim with anxiousness, he feels a nudge against his leg, looking up to meet Beomgyu's earnest eyes.
"You okay?" Beomgyu mouths at him, and Kai feels himself immediately calm down solely from it.
It's moments like this, when he lets himself hope a little too much, more than he usually allows himself to. Hope that maybe, to some extent, there's a chance between them.
A chance that Beomgyu might feel the same.
That Kai isn’t the only one who has trouble breathing whenever their eyes linger a moment too long, gets electrifying currents running across their skin whenever the other one moves in too close.
Kai pulls himself back to the ground.
He nods, and Beomgyu offers a smile. It's not one of the wide grins he often has, it's subtle.
Kai has noticed Beomgyu seldomly shows such expression, but he realizes it's become one of his most favorite one to see. Kai would even go as far as to say that Beomgyu keeps this smile reserved for him, though it may just be wishful thinking.
He smiles back.
And perhaps, Kai does let himself hope a little more than usual. He figures it's alright. However this hurricane of feelings he has for Beomgyu might end up as, he at least has this. Their little moments.
Ones that no one else could replicate nor take away. It's just his and Beomgyu's.
And right now, this is more than enough.
" staying up all night again, what could your wish be?
- your secret santa
(ps. wear more layers , it's gotten really cold nowadays) "
Kai yelps, almost jumping off his seat when he feels a hand touch his shoulder, equally surprising the owner.
"Hyung, don't creep up on me like that," Kai pouts, making Beomgyu laugh as he takes a seat across him.
"Why are you still awake? It's almost three in the morning," the boy asks, resting his head on his arms as he lays it on the table. Kai locks his phone, pretends that he wasn't just stress surfing the net on what he could possibly get Beomgyu. He only has three days left, an entire list on his phone, but none that makes him feel content.
"It's cold," he says instead. Though it's not the reason he's still awake, it's not exactly a lie, either. The weather's gotten a bit harsher these days, and the heater of their dorm isn't in its best condition. They really need to get that fixed before the full blast of winter freezes the five of them.
Beomgyu nods against his arms, yawning as he mutters what sounds like an agreement. Kai watches him keenly, propping his cheek against the palm of his hand.
He finds his eyes naturally fixated on Beomgyu’s face, marvels at the delicate features. His long lashes, most of all. Kai would doubtlessly spend hours just staring at them.
He's got it bad, doesn't he?
"Why are you out here? You still look sleepy," Kai asks this time, eyes still on Beomgyu's unmoving figure atop his folded arms. "I'm leaving you in the kitchen if you fall asleep."
Beomgyu grunts, voice muffled against the thick material of his sweater, his eyes remain closed. "I just went to get some water, but then I saw you looking all lonely here."
Kai feels a particular fleeting thump in his chest as Beomgyu tells him this, passing it off with a soft chuckle instead. Without much of a thought, he reaches out a hand across the table, gently patting Beomgyu's head.
"Hyung is so caring, isn't he?" Kai muses, earning a soft scoff from the other. Just as he attempts to pull his hand back, Beomgyu grabs ahold of it. He feels that familiar burst of flutter in him.
Kai wishes he could say what he feels.
"I like your hand," Beomgyu mutters sleepily, "I like being close to you."
But there’s just too many things at stake.
“You’re so warm, Huening-ah.”
Kai's eyes soften, knowing completely well that they shouldn't be sleeping here, but what can he do?
So he just hums, leaning his head down against his free arm, and goes to lace their connected hands' fingers together. Intertwined, hearts beating in tandem.
Kai has one more idea listed on his phone, the very last one he hasn't yet crossed out. It might just be the perfect amount of special for him, but could also result in the least wanted scenario. But he doesn't have anything else now, does he?
Alright, he breathes deeply. He has decided. It would be then, or never. Kai is sure of it now.
He feels all the latent tension and stress lift off of his shoulders, eyes fluttering shut.
That's how it goes—against the cold surface of their dining table at an eager, freezing hour of three in the morning.
In a moment, Beomgyu tighten his hold on him, and Kai lets himself forget about all his brewing worries. He lets the warmth spreading from his hand to his chest lull him to sleep.
(Nobody mentions how Soobin wakes them up a few hours later, just as the sun has risen back up, and they reluctantly let go of each other's hand.
Nor how Taehyun, the only one Kai has confided in about his feelings, sends him knowing looks.
Most importantly, no one knows of the few hundred photos that Yeonjun has hidden away in his gallery.)
" time's up, i still didn't get your wishlist. but i hope you like my gift anyway :)
- your secret santa"
It's their last day at school before the winter term break starts, and to say that the students are buzzing with excitement is an understatement.
It's loud, louder than usual, when their homeroom teacher announce that they could start revealing themselves at any point in time within the day. It's indubitably special, most of all for the third years like Kai himself.
This would be their last winter event in high school, graduation merely two months from now, everyone tries their best to make it unforgettable. Though Kai hopes it wouldn't be unforgettable in the case of unwelcomed tears for him.
Compared to his classmates whom have approached their picks before the first period had even begun, Kai stays rooted in his seat. It's not as though everyone else had drawn the name of the person they were in love with.
Kai gets shaken out of his minor stupor as Beomgyu falls on his seat in front of him. Kai saw him hand his gift to one guy in their class, one of Beomgyu's close friends, actually. There was an eruption of cheers as their classmate ripped his gift open, shaking Beomgyu happily when he got exactly what he wanted.
"I'm nervous," Beomgyu turns to Kai, "is it normal to be this nervous for a Secret Santa?"
Kai laughs, pressing into the soft cushion of his new plushie (what he received from his Secret Santa), "do you know why you're nervous?"
Beomgyu clicks his tongue, "something tells me this one's really special." Kai laughs even more, "yeah, well, three weeks worth of little notes? It must be."
"Exactly," Beomgyu manages to smile with him, despite the wracking nerve still evident on him with how much he's shaking his legs. “Now, we wait.”
Kai only nods, feels his pocket weigh incredibly heavier despite the small box inside it—Beomgyu’s gift. Kai's not entirely sure when he’d do it, nor would he even gain enough confidence to.
This is how the day goes, with Beomgyu’s face lighting up with every tap on the back that he gets, hoping to see his secret santa. Kai feels sorry every time Beomgyu sees that it’s not the case, but he doesn’t let this put his plans astray.
Kai had a whole month trying to come up with something that Beomgyu could possibly want, only to end up giving the boy what Kai himself wants. It’s a bit of a detour, he just hopes he doesn’t regret his decision.
Because if Kai’s certain of anything in this world, it’s that he wants Beomgyu to know how he feels for him. If he gets rejected, so be it. It’s now or never.
The last bell has rung, many of the students filtering out of the campus. It's winter break now, they’re free.
Beomgyu had been waiting all day long, almost losing hope. But suddenly everything felt as exhilarating as it had been hours ago when he sees what he assumes to be the very last note attached to a little box, placed securely on his desk
Beomgyu doesn’t waste another second and rips open the wrapper. He tips open the casing to find an MP3 with earphones inside. The bids of farewell from everyone around him becomes white noise as he holds the player like his life depended on it, eyes quickly running over the note.
“ after you listen, could you meet me at the rooftop? “
Unlike all the other notes from before, there was no secret santa written on it, but the writing is familiar to him now. This one looks more of a last second thought, a messy scrawl rather than a planned letter really. Beomgyu feels his heart beat a pace faster for some reason.
He slots the earphones into his ear, finger shaking in agitation as he presses play.
Static seeps in, until a faint voice comes flooding in. A voice too close to his heart, one that Beomgyu loves to hear, the voice of his person.
“Please tell me now”
Beomgyu’s eyes widen in realization, the song keeps playing as he whips around to the empty chair behind his. He runs out of the room, goes as fast as he could.
To him.
His wishlist.
“Say now, say now,
Oh, yeah”
Kai feels his heart leap out of his chest as the rooftop door flies open, and comes into view is none other than Beomgyu.
“You’re here,” Beomgyu heaves out a breath, becomes white smoke puffing into chilly air. Kai huffs out a laugh, “I’m here.”
"Say now, say now,
Please tell me now”
“So you’re—” Beomgyu’s pauses, walking the few remaining steps towards the younger boy. Kai nods, knowing his voice would betray him right then, he feels absolutely terrified. The white earphones stick out like a sore thumb against the black coat, threading back to the player in Beomgyu’s hand. Kai just knows the song is still playing through.
The song, his gift to Beomgyu. His confession. His heart.
“Want me to explain?” Kai asks as Beomgyu stops in front of him, face morphed into one of astonishment. “It’s...it’s a bit of a long story, though.”
Kai almost thinks this was all a mistake when Beomgyu says nothing in response, and his anxiety spikes up, until Beomgyu moves into his space and slips one earphone bud into Kai’s ear, the music quickly flooding in.
The familiar tune flows with the lyrics. A bit messy, frankly a bit all over the place, a rushed work of barely two days. But hopefully it explains just how much Kai feels for Beomgyu, he hopes it reaches him.
Beomgyu keeps his eyes fixated on Kai, willing the boy to keep the contact. He stands corrected, Beomgyu really is the hardest open-book to read.
The melody flows, in accompaniment to their beating hearts.
"Rather than getting it wrong,
I'll just confess,
I like you"
The song ends there, and the nervous ringing starts again in Kai’s head.
“I’ve been wanting to tell you this,” Kai begins, “for a while now, actually.” He musters all of his courage into this very moment, he has to do it now. “And I’m really, really scared."
Beomgyu stays rooted still on his spot, but he smiles. That’s all Kai needed to keep going.
“Beomgyu hyung, I—” Kai hears his voice quiver, his hands trembling not from the cold but himself, “I’m in love with you.”
The air is tense between them, and Kai feels his knees almost buckle.
“Idiot,” Beomgyu suddenly laughs. Kai was only about to ask what he had meant, but his words got stolen from his lips as Beomgyu surges in for a hug, throwing his arms around his shoulders, and it’s so natural how Kai’s own hands find their place around him too.
“Idiot,” Beomgyu repeats, softer this time, burying his face on the juncture of Kai’s neck and shoulder, voice fond. “You’re an idiot, Huening.”
Kai only tightens his hold around him, though still gently. They stay like that until he hears the faint sniffling coming from Beomgyu, worry floods Kai’s mind.
“Are you crying?” he asks, pulling back from Beomgyu to see that he stands corrected. Kai brings a hand up to the other’s face, thumb carefully wiping the tears falling from the wells of Beomgyu’s eyes.
Beomgyu's fist lightly land on Kai's chest, "do you know how long I've been wanting to say those exact words? And to think—to think you'd say them, too."
Kai forgets to monetarily breathe. Did Beomgyu really...
“You’re seriously so—” Beomgyu hiccups, a laugh falling from his lips with the thought of how dumb they must look. In the middle of their school’s rooftop, amidst the freezing wind, his face botched with tears and the rush of feelings going through him. “You’re seriously something else.”
The fondness in his voice makes the worry in Kai’s heart subside, replaced by the previous waves of his confession.
“My wish—” Beomgyu’s eyes bore into his, and Kai sees something in them, “it’s you.” Love.
Despite all the risks, despite all of it, Kai decides he’ll deal with them later. At least, he’s no longer alone now. He’s got Beomgyu holding his hand.
And really, what else could he possibly wish for?