Chapter Text
Snow was falling outside as Sanji laid on his living room couch. A blanket was thrown over his lap to ward off the winter chill that crept into his apartment. One hand was folded behind his head, the other hovering with a cigarette between his fingers. His eyes were glued to the television attached to the wall, an amateur baking show playing on the screen.
“Ah, no!” he groaned, grimacing at the contestant on the screen. “That’s too much butter for your cream cheese icing! You’re gonna ruin it!”
As the contestant continued to muck up their recipe, a sudden buzzing startled Sanji. Reaching for the remote, he muted the television, then pulled his phone out of his sweatpants’ pocket.
The caller ID made him swear under his breath, and he answered it.
“Yeah, old geezer?” Sanji greeted, his words met with a scoff on the other end of the line.
“Is that any way to talk to your father, brat?” his father, Zeff, groused. “At least pretend like you’re happy to hear from me!”
Sanji rolled his eyes. “Oh yes, I’m ecstatic to hear your voice! That any better?”
“Don’t be so candid, shitty eggplant!” Zeff replied. “Anyway, let’s get right to the reason I called: our yearly Christmas dinner is coming up.”
Sanji took a quick drag of his cigarette and exhaled the smoke through his nostrils. “Why even call it a ‘Christmas dinner’? We barely celebrate the holiday-”
“Don’t be so pedantic, brat,” Zeff interrupted him. “We celebrate it in our own way. It was always enough for you when you were a skinny little kid, y’know?”
Sanji closed his eyes, guilt gnawing at him.
After he moved out two years ago, he quickly made new friends that were far more enthusiastic about the holiday than his father had been. With Zeff, Christmas was less “festive” and more “eat a homemade dinner and exchange a few gifts”. No fanfare, twinkling lights, or exuberant laughter.
“I… suppose I’ve gotten too used to what my friends and I do?” Sanji said, clearing his throat. “I hate to say it, old geezer, but you’re right. The way we celebrate was enough for me back then, and it is now.”
“Good to hear, brat,” Zeff said. Sanji felt a little swell of pride that was immediately crushed when Zeff continued, “So, are you actually bringing anyone this year? Or are you going stag again?”
“Ugh, not this again!” Sanji exclaimed, getting to his feet and tossing the blanket aside. “You ask me this every damn year!”
“And every damn year, you don’t bring anyone home!” Zeff barked. “Look shitty eggplant, you’re twenty-one years old! You’re young and you should be seeing people while you have the chance!”
“I do see people!” Sanji argued. “I have a lot of friends!”
“Friends that you don’t see often enough because you’re so absorbed in your damn work!” Zeff shot back. “Your boss called me and told me that you haven’t taken a day off in months! Aren’t you burnt out yet, brat?!”
“Ivankov called you?!” Sanji growled, curling his other hand into a fist. His cigarette got pinched between his fingers, crumpling with how tightly his hand was shut. “That shitty, nosy drag queen! I’m gonna turn him into a croquette the next time I see him for blabbing to you about-!”
“He did it out of concern for you, idiot!” Zeff pointed out harshly. He took a deep breath, and when he spoke again, his voice was more level. “No matter how much you may love your job as a cook, you need to take a day off every once in a while! Don’t you remember what I always told you?”
Sanji sighed, his anger ebbing slightly. “‘An unhappy cook makes shitty food’.”
“And are you really happy, eggplant?”
Sanji paused, shoving his cigarette between his lips and chewing on the end of it.
The friend group he had made two years ago had started to drift apart in the past few months. Some of them had gotten new jobs. Some had moved away. And some had begun new relationships that took away from the time that they used to give to their friends.
Out of a last ditch attempt to move on with his own life like his friends were doing, Sanji had gotten a job as a cook at Level 5.5. It was a themed restaurant and bar where the wait staff interacted with customers while decked out in outrageous attire. The owner - and his boss - Emprio Ivankov was a friendly enough person.
Except for his tendency to be nosy.
Sanji could usually avoid the drag queen’s prying if he stayed in the kitchen, cooking with the handful of other chefs that worked there. But there was no way that Ivankov would’ve missed the fact that Sanji hadn’t taken a day off in months.
Plopping down on the couch, Sanji’s voice was flat as he replied, “No, I guess I’m not.”
“I suspect you’ve been throwing yourself into your work a bit too much lately, haven’t you, lad?” Zeff remarked, a note of understanding in his tone. “I know life can be rough sometimes, but it’s better in the long run if you take some time to relax. Only a foolish man would burn himself out until there’s nothin’ left.”
Sanji ran a hand through his hair, tugging on it to stave off the dull ache thrumming in his head. “I suppose you’re right, geezer.”
“Of course, I am!” Zeff replied, chuckling into the receiver.
Sanji rolled his eyes at his father’s response. “I’ll be sure to take a couple of days off ahead of our dinner, then.”
“There’ll be no need for that,” Zeff said. “Your boss already gave you the time off.”
Sanji sat bolt upright, the tip of his cigarette glowing as he inhaled sharply. “He did what?!”
“Oh, didn’t he tell you?” Zeff asked, scoffing. “Well, at least you know now.”
“Mhm.” Sanji ground his teeth, distracted from the conversation by thinking of parking his foot in Ivankov’s ass for being so intrusive into his life. “I’ll be sure to ‘thank’ him, then.”
“I’ve got to go now, brat,” Zeff said, bringing Sanji back to reality. “But can you do one thing for me between now and the dinner?”
“Uh, sure, geezer,” Sanji replied. “What is it?”
Zeff laughed. “Find somebody to bring home this year!”
With that, he hung up before Sanji could get a word in.
If Sanji were a less patient man, he would’ve thrown his phone across the room. Instead, he tossed it onto the couch with a grumbled, “Shitty fucking geezer! Damn nosy old man!”
Too fired up to go back to his baking show, he paced around the room, raking his hands through his hair.
“Why does that shitty geezer care if I bring someone home or not?!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “So what if he’s right that I don’t spend as much time with my friends anymore?! That doesn’t mean I’m a hermit! Or that I can’t find a date for dinner!”
An idea hit him with enough force to make him stop in his tracks.
“That just might work,” he mumbled, scrambling back to the couch and grabbing his phone. “If that geezer wants me to bring someone home, then fine! I will, dammit!”
After unlocking his phone, he scrolled through his contacts trying to find a suitable person to participate in his scheme.
“Hm, let’s see,” he muttered, sitting down on the couch. As he scrolled, he puffed on his cigarette. “I need to find someone in my age range that could fool that geezer into thinking we’re together. Just long enough for him to get off my back about a relationship!”
His contacts were listed alphabetically, so one of the first plausible candidates to come up was a pink-haired young man named Coby.
“Coby’s around the right age,” Sanji said, rubbing his chin. “But he and I have barely talked. Besides, he’s more Luffy’s friend than mine.”
Continuing on, Gin’s name popped up.
“Oh, Gin! He might be a good candidate!”
Then Sanji remembered the first - and last - time that Gin had visited his father’s restaurant. Baratie had almost been destroyed by Gin’s boss. It had turned out that Gin was part of a ruthless gang and his leader had eyed Baratie as a potential headquarters. Even though Gin had helped to save the restaurant in the end, Sanji didn’t think Zeff would take too kindly to seeing him again.
“On second thought, maybe not?”
Moving on, he spied Luffy’s name next.
“I don’t think so,” Sanji chuckled. “He’d eat all the food before it was even on the table! And break the dishes by accident!” Propping his chin in his hand, he added, “Besides, I think my old man already knows about Luffy and Zoro being together.”
Next came Nami, and Sanji lingered on her profile picture.
“Ah, what I wouldn’t give to present such a woman as my girlfriend!” Sanji sighed, exhaling a large plume of smoke with a goofy grin. “Her flawless skin, her beautiful hair, and that cute smile!” His lovesick feeling washed away at the relationship status on her profile. “Alas, she already has a lovely lady of her own!”
After a couple more seconds of thought, he remembered that underneath his friend’s charming appearance was the cutthroat mind of a business tycoon.
“Actually, even if I could convince Nami to go along with the plan, she’d probably make me pay her for it,” he surmised, sighing and scrolling onward. “Oh, well.”
The name “Portgas D. Ace” popped up and Sanji paused.
Ace - Luffy’s older brother - had met Sanji a couple of years ago. They had gotten along fairly well. Conversation came easy to them and it wasn’t long before Sanji felt comfortable in Ace’s presence. Unlike Luffy, Ace was polite and considerate, which endeared him to Sanji fast. Ace could even make him laugh, something that not many other men knew how to do.
It was only natural that Sanji had developed a little crush.
And it didn’t hurt that Ace was easy on the eyes, either.
He was tall, and had a broad-shouldered build. He worked as a personal trainer, and Sanji had no doubt about it; Ace was muscular from head-to-toe. There was a tattoo going down his upper left arm, and one on his back that Sanji had only caught glimpses of. When they had first met, Ace’s dark, wavy hair had been cropped to his chin. But over the past two years, he had grown it down to a little past his shoulders. Freckles painted his cheeks, going over his nose and down his neck where they ended on his shoulders. His lips were almost always curved into a lazy grin. And his eyes - so deep brown that they were nearly black - left Sanji weak in the knees.
Okay, maybe he had a little more than a crush on the guy?
But there was no way Ace would agree to Sanji’s idea.
For one thing, he was an athletic guy that spent most of his time at the gym. When he wasn’t there, he was palling around with his own group of friends. And Sanji certainly didn’t know any of them very well.
For another, they had kept semi-regular contact, but Sanji wasn’t sure if Ace would consider the two of them as “close”. At least, not enough to help him out in this situation.
“No, Ace would probably turn me down if I asked,” Sanji said, his gut sinking like a stone. “About the dinner idea and...anything else.”
Scrolling further, Sabo’s name came up. But he quickly moved on, remembering that Sabo was spending Christmas this year with his girlfriend in another city. If he hadn’t been out of the area, Sanji might have considered him for his scheme.
“Good thing Luffy blabbed about that to me a couple days ago so I didn’t waste my time calling Sabo.”
Now past the halfway point in his contacts, Sanji was getting a little desperate to find anyone who would be a good candidate. Unfortunately, it seemed like fate delighted in continuing to screw him over.
“Usopp’s dating someone already, and my old man knows it because I gave them coupons to Baratie for their anniversary,” Sanji grumbled. “Besides, Usopp would make up an elaborate backstory that my old man could pick apart in seconds.”
Zoro’s name was at the bottom of the list. Even if the mosshead had been single, there was no way Sanji was about to ask that meathead to pretend to be his boyfriend!
“Ugh, God no!” Sanji groaned, scrolling back up just so he didn’t have to look at his profile picture. “Luffy can have him!”
Out of options, Sanji slowly scrolled back up to Ace’s profile.
“Well, what choice do I have?” Sanji said, sighing. “It’s either ask him or go stag again this year.” Rolling his eyes, he added, “And listen to my old geezer chew my ear off for it!”
Staring down at the “Call” button, Sanji furrowed his brows. Indecision made his thumb hover over the button, his hand shaking slightly. Anxiety churned in his gut.
What if Ace laughed at him?
What if thought it was a stupid idea and said no?
And worst of all, what if he was disgusted by Sanji and never wanted to talk to him again?!
Sanji took a breath to steady himself, and as he exhaled, some of the tension in his body eased away.
Enough that his thumb touched the button by accident.
“Fuck!” Sanji exclaimed, his pulse quickening as the dial tone sounded. “Shit!”
Before he could cancel the call, the other end of the receiver picked up.
Ace’s voice came in over the speaker, friendly and clear. “Hey there, stranger, what’s up?”
“Bye!” Sanji shouted, panicking and hanging up. As soon as he pressed the red button to end the call, he flung his phone onto the couch. “Shit, fuck! Why did I do that?!”
Sanji scrubbed a hand down his face, puffing on his cigarette deeply. He had to take a few seconds to calm down, and by the time he did, he had a cloud of smoke hanging over his head. Getting to his feet, he grabbed his phone and crossed to the other corner of the room.
“Okay, okay, you can do this!” he told himself, bringing up Ace’s number again. He pressed the “call” button, then started pacing back and forth in front of the television. The dial tone rang once, twice, then-
“Uh, hi there,” Ace answered, a hint of uncertainty in his voice. “This is Sanji’s number, right?”
“W-Will you pretend to be my boyfriend for Christmas dinner at my father’s?!” Sanji blurted, the words leaving him before he had a chance to stop himself.
Silence followed.
A long, uninterrupted silence.
Sanji was sure Ace had hung up when-
“Uh, sure.”