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For a week after graduation Sakura lived in Dreamland. There was something nagging at the back of her brain, but she was just so excited! They were real genin! She had passed at the academy, they had passed Kakashi’s test, and she was on Sasuke’s team!
There was this niggling little trying to get her attention, but Sakura was just too happy to let it bother her during the bright days. It took a week of steadily feeling like there was a large problem glaring at her, for it to click. It was a week of excited babbling and learning her new team and D-ranks. It was a week of pausing at odd moments to frown and wonder what was bothering her, before brushing it off and smiling again.
Sakura was lying in bed at the end of the first week, ready to slip into sleep when it finally clicked.
Sakura’s brain ran a million miles a minute as she tried to comprehend the thought that had just struck her hard across the face. She was trying to reason out the fear that suddenly lodged itself in her chest and made her heart jack-rabbit. A cold sweat broke out across her forehead and her hands picked up a tremble. The terror made a noise deep in her throat like a whimper and a scream and she tried desperately not to hyperventilate.
Sakura realized in a single instant that she was going to die.
“I’m dead,” Sakura whimpered, “I’m going to die.”
Sakura was only twelve but she knew enough statistics about ninja mortality rate to know she would die one day. But as a twelve year old kid she had thought herself invincible, had thought she’d had good odds.
But suddenly all the little niggling thoughts over the last week coalesced and Sakura’s brain practically screamed the conclusion she had reached: she was going to die sooner rather than later.
Out of the thirty kids in her year of the academy, only 9 of them had passed the genin exams to become real teams with a jonin-sensei. A few more had probably been snatched up by administration to be paper-ninja and reserve ninja. A few more had gone back to the academy and more than that had probably dropped out to rejoin the civilian ranks.
Every single one of those who had graduated to teams except for her and Naruto were clan heirs.
Naruto was an orphan but was allowed to call their Hokage grandfather. She didn’t know why but that spoke more than just a passing familiarity and he had to be important for some reason if the Hokage of all people let him get away with informality in public.
And then…and then …there was Sakura.
Little civilian born Haruno Sakura with pink hair and book smarts and no stamina.
On paper she balanced Sasuke and Naruto out to make a decent team. But …but in real life even Naruto, dead last of the class, was league above her in physical ability. There had just been no one else important enough like a clan heir to replace her on this team. Sakura had gotten lucky.
Or in reality, Sakura had gotten extremely unlucky.
When you considered it, Sakura despite her book smarts and top spot in the academy was nowhere near the level of her teammates in skill or drive. Sakura was just an extra body to make their team look well rounded or to…
Or to take the fall.
Kakashi, the copy-cat ninja, famous across the nations and a genius was the perfect teacher for the Last Uchiha. And Naruto was obviously important as well, so two for one. But Sakura, well Sakura had shown she cared more about appearances then training. She was one less person to distract the other two, to take precious time away from Kakashi who could be focused on the other two.
Someone had obviously looked at her profile and decided Sakura would be a good obedient student with just enough smarts to be useful but not demanding. She had no clan ties to object if she got less preferential treatment. She had no one to check in on her and make sure she was learning what she should be learning. Had no one who would prepare her.
And if it came down to it, on mission or in a fight, well Sakura didn’t rank as high a priority as Sasuke or Naruto or even Kakashi. If…when Kakashi had to choose between the three of them in an emergency, Sakura was last, after Kakashi’s own well-being.
Sakura was cannon fodder for Team Seven.
She was an extra body, an extra face that wasn’t important enough to care about or save. They had profiled her as obedient and unlikely to cause trouble or demand training. Someone somewhere had decided she would be placed on a high-profile team even though she didn’t have the skills to survive it.
Somewhere, someone had decided Sakura was expendable.
Sakura dissolved into panicked tears.
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Kakashi had been a teacher for all of a week and he knew he wasn’t really supposed too, but he had picked a favorite. From his understanding, parents and teachers weren’t supposed to pick favorites, but as a ninja who gave little to no care, he could not find it in him to be impartial.
When he had got Team Seven, he had looked at them, squinting to see his own team. And he could kind of see it. A broody genius, a loudmouth hopeless dead last, and a fairly competent little girl with a crush on another teammate. But then he looked twice and found too many differences to be consumed by the similarities.
Sasuke was indeed a genius, but he was also aloof and arrogant in a way Kakashi had never been. Oh Kakashi had been a tad arrogant as a child, but he had also been a strict adherer to the rules. Sasuke, spoiled by the title genius and the high regard of the rest of the population, saw himself above the rules. Sasuke seemed to expect a lot to be given to him, seemed to expect respect and regard. Kakashi, raised under the shadow of his father’s failure and bred on war, had never expected anything to be given to him. Kakashi tried to look at Sasuke as Obito and despite sharing the same last name found no similarities there either.
Naruto was a loudmouth dead last, but he was not Obito. Obito had been dead last but had been easy to bring to tears, had been highly emotional and sensitive. But Obito had also been raised for war and he had been vicious for it. Naruto, for all he acted loud and brash, had too thick of skin. He had been raised with hatred from every angle and no one to protect him from it. He was also soft for it somehow. Naruto would be the one to take violence and killing the worst.
And Rin and Sakura were so different it was perhaps only gender that had had him trying to compare them. Rin had been a friendly but reserved young woman with a sharp focus and a crush that did not consume her. Sakura on the other hand was polite but passionate. Her crush was far more manic for her passion and emotion and her low tolerance for lack of intelligence.
So Kakashi looked at this team and saw none of his former and breathed a deep sigh of relief.
He had not thought to like them, had not considered picking a favorite because he disliked them all equally.
His week with them had found him no more joy in training a team, but he had started to see them as less of a burden.
Mostly.
Well, he found one of them less of a burden.
The first week he had planned to evaluate them, dragging them on D-ranks to see their stamina, their patience, their skills. He watched to see how they reacted and how they worked. He found them lacking.
Naruto was quick to make drama and pick fights with Sasuke. He never looked beyond what he was told and argued constantly. He had stamina in spades, and a desire to learn ‘super cool ninjutsu’, but he had no patience for basics and never asked for anything other than overpowered attacks.
Sasuke likewise seemed to have little patience for their ‘missions’. He tolerated his team even less, barely responding beyond sneering at them as if he were a king looking at filth. He demanded training, demanded strength, and snarled when he did not get it. He egged Naruto on subtly and would not acknowledge Sakura in any way.
Sakura meanwhile was a tad distracting with her fawning over Sasuke, twitchy about her appearance before him.
But while Sakura’s fangirling was annoying, that was really the only think Kakashi found annoying about her. Sakura was a girl who knew her manners and held the top Konoichi spot in the academy for a reason. She was keenly intelligent, full of knowledge and questions she did not hesitate to ask. Her stamina was decent even for a girl who dieted and who focused so wholly on her looks. She was quieter, kinder with their clients and had more patience then even he did for Sasuke’s moods and Naruto’s yelling.
Sakura was also obedient. Where as Naruto would kick up a fuss and Sasuke would simply sneer and try to refuse, Sakura listened. She might question him, but she still did it. Kakashi could respect that.
So when the week was done Sakura was firmly his favorite because she simply listened to him.
And then….and then something in the girl changed.
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Sakura stared at her team. She stared and stared and stared. Despite the fact she was absent from conversation they went on around her like normal. Sasuke grunted, Naruto bellowed, and Kakashi-sensei giggled. They did chores and missions all under the supervision of a slouched teacher reading orange porn.
And Sakura felt something in her chest that might have been her heart quiver. There was a ball of tension building up of fear and terror. So Sakura stared and tried not to wonder if any of them would save her if it came down to it.
Sasuke was her dream prince, the man she wanted to marry, and the boy who had not spoken a full sentence to her alone. He didn’t even look at her.
Naruto who asked her on dates and loudly complemented her was also the boy who spoke (or yelled) more at Sasuke, his attention seemingly riveted on the other boy.
Kakashi, a genius who was late to every meeting and didn’t teach them anything at least answered her questions, but what were words to a ninja?
Sakura didn’t think she would come first to any of them. Or even second. Probably not even third.
Sakura went home and cried. She wasn’t sleeping much these days.
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Sakura had been near dead silent this week and Kakashi watched her closely over the top of his book. She was looking pale and wane and had the look of sleep deprivation.
It was such an abrupt shift from the week before that Kakashi would expect Trauma, but from his careful check in to it, he had found nothing. It was like a switch had been shown and the Sakura that had been profiled had been changed for a quieter, twitchier one.
This usually only happened after missions where they saw their first death or kill.
Kakashi watched her carefully and realized one day it was exactly that: it was fear. And fear was a worrying emotion in ninja. There was plenty to fear in their life, but fear could make a ninja unpredictable. It could drive them to work harder (often to the point of risking their own health) or it could make cowards out of them. And while ninja didn’t really focus on honor or care to tout bravery, a coward might flee in the face of a mission or in the face of a teammate being hurt and Kakashi would not stand that.
So Kakashi gave Sakura her space and subtly watched her.
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When the tension in her chest ached Sakura went to the library. She had very few resources but the library was open to all ninja and so Sakura went. Every day after training she left the team in a flurry and shut herself in with the scrolls and books. She devoured everything she could, looking up advanced hand sign theory and chakra manipulation techniques and survival information. She looked up politics and economics and ecology of surrounding countries. Sakura devoured book by book, scroll by book, as she sought anything and everything that might help her. Every night she was kicked out by the librarian, eyes and brain aching.
When the fear fizzled in her stomach Sakura started to eat more. If she was going to die anyways, then fuck looking good and dieting. She was going eat what she wanted. And so she did, cramming snacks into her pockets and bentos into her bag. She was never without food and her stamina improved in leaps and bounds as she started getting enough nutrition.
When the terror made her hands shake in the morning Sakura stopped caring for her long luscious locks. She took a kunai to them one morning in a fit, upset at having to spend precious minutes brushing them out. She chopped her hair off short and choppy, like a boy who had cut his hair to escape the heat in the summer. She got rid of the red dress because it took too long to iron and hang straight. She dug up old t-shirts and shorts, easy and baggy and comfortable. She wasn’t about to spend what time she had left devoted to clothing. Then she went and found a larger kunai pouch and went on a spree in the weapon’s store. Anything to help stop the shake in her hands.
Sakura slowly changed over three weeks as she stuffed herself with knowledge and food, and lost sleep over worry. Sakura thinned down to wiry muscle from her frantic movements and her nutrition. But she also gained dark bags under her eyes and her hair would have been lank if it had still been long.
She also started to run out of books that she could actually use, or well, started to realize not everything she had access to was useful.
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Kakashi was a tad unnerved by how many books Sakura could cram in her head. He had seen her devouring scroll upon scroll in the library and thought perhaps she was skimming. But when he carefully made note of subjects and subtly slipped in questions about said subjects during team meetings, Sakura always had an answer. She wasn’t just reading, she was learning; devouring knowledge.
Besides her frantic swallowing of words, she had started to eat more at least and Kakashi had heard no more of any diet nonsense. That paired with her more appropriate training clothes had been a welcome change and Kakashi was happy with her focus on the little training they did in between missions.
Her hair though…from all reports, and from his impression of her first week, she was a vain girl. Which was fine as long as it didn’t interfere with anything else. And yet one day she had come to training with her hair mangled and chopped to something less then a bob. Naruto had cried about it but Sakura had hardly seemed to notice. She had been unnervingly focused on him and the mission.
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Sakura spent an entire evening after D-rank missions running around Konoha trying to find something to help her as the books stopped helping. She found two things;
The first was the obstacle course hidden in the depths of Training field Ten. It was filled with pits and bars and traps and Sakura decided then and there it would be her first test.
Her second find was the first aid courses offered at the hospital, free to all ninja. It was to teach emergency first aid for in the field including diagnostics, stitches, bandaging, and other such endeavours. The Academy taught them CPR and how to recognize poison over illness but this course was more intense and Sakura leapt at the chance. It might one day save her life.
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Kakashi signed off on the first aid course without prompting as the medic-nin held it out. If Sakura wanted to learn first aid, all the power to her. He was just worried at what was driving her. He might have said concern for her teammates but she barely acknowledged them these days. The crush her academy instructors had warned him about seemed to have vanished over night as Sakura had no eyes for Sasuke. Whenever there were team meetings, missions, or training, Sakura was focused completely on Kakashi, face still and pale, bags under her eyes, and an odd fear in her stance.
When she found the obstacle course in one of the further training grounds, Kakashi watched her carefully. Despite the sign with warnings not to use alone in case of injury, Sakura forged on ahead, unaware of his supervision. He let her, watching with concern.
It was only when she finished the course and collapsed laughing that Kakashi eased away. Something about completing the course seemed to have broken through the gloom around her for now and she was laughing happily, hope in her eyes.
Kakashi propped his book open as she turned to take the course again.
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Sakura panted very faintly as laid on the grass. Her bag was by her head, scrolls from the library peaking out and she reached for it vainly. She flopped in defeat as her muscles complained. She also had an assignment in there due tomorrow for the first aid program.
But for now Sakura let herself breathe, face buried in the grass.
There was something like hope in her chest.
The fear was smothered for a brief little bit. Sakura had gained knowledge and first aid and now some stamina all on her own. It proved she could train on her own at least a little bit and didn’t have to fully rely on her team or her sensei.
The fear was starting to be dulled by the fact Kakashi didn’t seem to teach Naruto or Sasuke any more then he did her. She had seen no signs of any extra training for either of them. She had seen no favoritism there.
So when the terror was almost dulled by time, Sakura approached Kakashi-sensei. She had completed the obstacle course in under ten minutes, a personal best, and so she shored her courage up and approached Kakashi as Naruto bolted off yelling about Ramen and Sasuke huffed and slinked away.
“Um, Kakashi-sensei,” Sakura cleared her throat nervously.
“Hmm? Yes Sakura?” he eye-smiled at her.
She hesitated but ultimately decided the worst he could do is say no.
“Um, the doctors teaching the first aid course said there are chakra exercises you can do as a genin to sharpen control and grow reserves,” she scuffed a foot in the dirt, “He said you usually start with tree walking.”
“That’s true.”
“Would…would you teach me!” she blurted out, louder than she had meant to.
She cringed immediately, afraid her yelling would scare him away somehow. But Kakashi sensei surprised her by smiling again and then actually putting his book away!
“Sure!” he chirped, “Do you actually need the details, or just a demonstration?”
“B-both!” Sakura hyped up.
Kakashi chuckled but walked over to a tree, Sakura running behind him, still in shock that this was happening. He was actually giving her a lesson! One she had asked for!
Kakashi launched into a brief chakra lecture which Sakura knew most of but listened intently to. Then he walked up a tree with only his feet, defying the laws of gravity. Sakura watched and barely breathed until he nudged her towards the tree.
She got it her first try and something like tears pressed at her eyes.
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Sakura seemed…overly grateful for the lesson on tree walking and the subsequent lesson on water walking. She had thanked him over and over and over and only stopped when he had escaped up a nearby tree and told her to practice.
Kakashi watched Sakura run herself into the ground, nearly into chakra exhaustion and fondly realized she was indeed his favourite. He didn’t know what drove her yet but she did indeed have drive and passion.
Sasuke and Naruto on the other hand…
He was still waiting on them. He had spent the last month and a bit observing his new team with minimal training and a heavy focus on team missions. He had expected to see more drive in the two boys and less in the lone girl and somehow his expectations had been reversed.
Oh Sasuke demanded training and Naruto loudly asked for super-cool jutsu but that was missing the point. Naruto only wanted the flashy techniques and could barely focus long enough to hear criticism on his basics. He also had not worked up the courage to actually ask Kakashi politely for any real lessons. Sasuke on the other hand made demands and scoffed when Kakashi made suggestions to start by working with his teammates. Kakashi refused to teach the boy who blatantly dismissed his teammates. And this had led Sasuke to stop asking and spending more time in his compound.
Kakashi was a bit disappointed by how easily Naruto and Sasuke gave up any drive. They seemed to have taken Kakashi’s minimal training as a sign of how it was going to be. In truth, if they came to him with serious requests that were thought out and on their level he would be happy to train them. Just like he had done with Sakura and the chakra techniques. But Kakashi refused to put all the effort into this team he hadn’t wanted. He was waiting for them to gather their wits and approach him respectfully and intelligently with some drive behind them. And so far he was disappointed.
Except for Sakura.
Kakashi cast a glance at the kunoichi on their team and watched as she collapsed in exhaustion, physically, only to pull out a scroll and start training herself mentally.
Kakashi smiled.
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Sakura stared at her bag in dread. The house was silent, her parents long have since gone to bed. It was just Sakura, wide awake, staring at her mission pack.
Mission Pack.
They had a C-rank mission and it made Sakura’s throat clog with fear.
Stupid Naruto had not consulted any of them and made wild demands of the Hokage for a C-rank. And he had been granted it. Whatever doubts Sakura had of the Hokage and Naruto’s relationship was put on hold as the Hokage allowed Naruto to yell and make ridiculous demands and actually gave into them. The fact Sasuke had nodded in agreement with Naruto and neither had looked at her had just shown they didn’t care for Sakura and her opinion.
Sakura was not ready for a c-rank mission.
C-rank meant bandits usually. And while on paper a genin could trump some civilian bandit, that meant nothing in real life. All it had to be was more than one against Sakura while Kakashi was concerned with the two boys and she would fall to even the clumsiest blades.
Sakura broke into a sweat at the thought of her body being left where it fell out of unconcern.
She looked at her pack with shaky hands and made sure she had extra medical supplies that her first aid trainer had been happy to give her. She had a few old outfits tossed in, all old worn shorts and t-shirts she had never felt fit to wear in public. But out in the wilderness they would be more use than anything and she didn’t have to worry about if they got dirty. She had also crammed ration bars and food into the available space. And then she’d stocked all her knives.
Her kunai pouch sat neatly beside her outfit for tomorrow, fully stocked and more.
Sakura allowed herself to bring a scroll along though she doubted she would have a chance to read it. She would have to be extra alert. She had no one watching her back.
Sakura allowed her fear to fester, allowed it to make her twitchy and aware. Better twitchy than relaxed and dead. And if she didn’t get much sleep, well that was what coffee from the convenience store near the gates was for.
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Kakashi watched Sakura over the top of his book. While Naruto ran ahead exploring everything and yelling, and Sasuke sauntered trying not to obviously do the same as Naruto, Sakura stood firmly at Kakashi’s side. She did not wander, did not let herself get distracted. Instead she was almost twitchy with how much she was scanning their surroundings with keen eyes.
He felt a surge of pride as he took in his most professional student, on guard and following half a step behind him in deference to his rank but staying in formation.
“Mah,” he smiled reaching out to ruffle her hair.
He ignored the twitch she gave and looked into her startled green eyes.
“Good job Sakura,” he told her letting a sliver of pride slip into his voice.
She blinked in bemusement but did look faintly…less tense.
He almost felt bad when he let himself get ripped apart moments later and her eyes flew wide in shock and terror.
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Sakura’s hands twitched as she pulled a kunai from their pouch.
“Stay behind me,” she told the bridge-builder harshly.
The fog around them was thick and hazy and Sakura could hear nor see anything, her heartbeat loud in her ears. She wanted to abandon the man at her side and run until she was clear of the fog. But as much as Sakura was afraid of dying, she was also a trained shinobi and this was the job she had sworn too. She was a coward and she knew it, but she wasn’t a traitor. And if the missing-nin didn’t get her if she fled, her own village would.
Sakura was afraid, not stupid.
So she watched her sensei fight an A-rank missing-nin. She watched the crash of jutsu and weapons, the fast pace almost too quick for her eye to see. And she kept careful guard of Tazuna even as Naruto and Sasuke forgot the objective and fought water clones, allowing themselves to be pulled farther away from the client.
And then Kakashi got trapped and Sakura went from scared to numb. Everything narrowed and a sweat broke across her forehead as he told them to run. Did he think they could outrun Zabuza? That the man wouldn’t simply kill Kakashi once they were out of range and come after them? And what would Konoha do to the team that got the famous Copy-Cat ninja killed? Kakashi was worth a hundred of Sakura in their eyes and Sakura would be punished for leaving him, maybe not outright but she would be.
So when Naruto and Sasuke helped free him Sakura nearly cried in relief even as she kept a steady grip on her kunai.
And when Kakashi collapsed, after the enemy was gone, well Sakura had been taking first-aid and knew what to do.
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“I have to keep an eye on the boys, ne?” Kakashi said shuffling on his crutches.
“No,” Sakura said bravely, “You have to rest. You can’t help if you strain yourself.”
She was looking at him with sharp eyes. Kakashi tried a smile and it came easily enough. He reached out and ruffled her hair and she seemed to relax under the gesture, eyes losing some of the worry.
“I’ll sit here and be very still and very quiet and not strain myself,” he told her, “Buts someone needs to make sure they don’t crack their skulls. I will entrust you with Tazuna for the day.”
Somehow that had been the wrong thing to say. She tensed again, eyes dark.
“Okay,” she finally managed, “I’ll guard the bridge.”
Then she was gone. Kakashi stared after her trying to parse what had been wrong with his words.
“Kakashi-sensei! Look how high I got this time!” Naruto bellowed as he rolled to a stop on the grass.
“That’s not very high Naruto,” Kakashi said idly as he took a seat on a log.
His whole body ached, that dull pain of chakra coils used too much. It was his own fault he supposed. He had used his sharingan and chakra unsparingly, unchecked, and the amount that had burned through him in so short of a time made him very aware he’d gotten a little soft over the past bit.
He looked down at his hands, at the bandaged nicks, and then at the standard crutches. Sakura had been the one to drag him to safety, had cleaned his wounds and declared him chakra exhausted. She’d been the one to keep him cool as his body developed a fever from the upset of his system. She was the one who had had crutches stored in a sealing scroll full of first-aid supplies he knew must have cost her most of the D-ranks from the past month.
Naruto had been quick to sing her praises even as she’d ducked her head when he’d woken. She’d been prepared to crush a solider-pill between his jaw if he hadn’t woken up within the allotted time for chakra exhaustion; a jolt to the system that could have saved his life if he’d went into a shock.
Kakashi knew that he would have been fine without most of that, he would have woken up much sorer and more tired, but he would not have died. But Sakura had been ready for it, had been ready to try and save his life. Unsaid was the fact that Naruto and Sasuke had floundered.
Kakashi looked after his lone Konoichi, up and about and in better shape than all the boys. He looked after his student that had nailed a chakra control exercise on the first try. At the student who he knew was being flung through the first aid courses at an advanced pace. He’d already had three med-nin sidle up to him and try to talk to him about the benefits of getting kids into the medical program young if they showed potential.
And he wondered why Sakura still had a trace of fear in her eyes.
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I’m going to die, Sakura though faintly. The blood rushing in her ears was nearly louder than sound of battle and her heart hammering in her chest was almost painful.
“Shouldn’t you help him out?” Tazuna asked, voice high with fear as they watched Sasuke get thrown around.
“You’re the client,’ Sakura said, “If you die it’s all for nothing.”
Tazuna pressed his lips together, eyes wide and hands shaking. Sakura’s hands were shaking too but she had a firm grip on her kunai. She was waiting; waiting for a clone to slip past Kakashi, waiting for a senbon to slip past Sasuke. Waiting for death to stare her in the face.
And then came Naruto, blitzing past her, no concern for her or the client as he beelined for Sasuke. Sakura resisted the urge to close her eyes and pray.
And then Sasuke died.
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Sakura stared at the grave, stared at the fresh turned earth she had just helped dig. Momichi Zabuza, one of the strongest missing kiri-nin, one of the seven swordsmen, was nothing but a lump of flesh in the ground now. The boy, Haku, who had held off Sasuke and Naruto at the same time was nothing but worm food.
That could be me, Sakura thought.
She clenched her hands in her shorts, her little kid shorts that had Sasuke’s blood on them and she thought of how the first thing her teammate had looked for after waking was not her but Naruto.
Sakura stared at her mourning teammates, at the graves, at Kakashi-sensei still swathed in bandages.
All the fear, all the nerves, all the…everything, came to a head and Sakura burst into tears. Everything that had been building up inside of her for over a month suddenly exploded out of her in harsh messy sobs.
All three of her male teammates took an instinctive step back and Sakura hated them a bit for it.
“I can’t do it anymore,” Sakura sobbed, covering her eyes with her hands, “I just can’t.”
She heard the sound of murmuring over her tears but she had no concern for them anymore. She lowered into a ball, pressing her face into her blood stained knees and sobbed, letting everything she had been bottling up out.
“Sakura,” Kakashi-sensei said loudly.
“I can’t,” Sakura said feebly.
A hesitant hand touched her shoulder, just the ghost of a touch, before settling more firmly. It sat there awkwardly, as if unsure of what to do after that and Sakura simply sobbed messily, unable to stop the flow of tears and snot and fear that was being drained out of her.
“Talk to me Sakura,” Sensei said softly, “Talk me through why you are upset.”
And well, Kakashi-sensei hadn’t been as bad as she had thought, acted far kinder than he had needed. He may have sent her out every day to face death but he was kind about it and gave her any tools she wanted. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t get mad at her if she pointed out he was her death warrant.
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Sakura peeked up at him, lashes heavy with tears and looked so scared Kakashi felt something in his chest hurt. Maybe one of the bridge builders was hurting her? She was such an obedient girl and pretty with her coloring and there was so much stress in the air… If they had done anything to her, if anyone had, Kakashi would simply slaughter them all and they would go home.
“I don’t want to die,” Sakura whispered, voice clogged with tears and fear.
“Sakura,” he soothed, “I promised I wouldn’t let any of you die.”
“Yes, but…,” she swallowed, “If It came down to who you could save, I know where I rank.”
He looked at her, a tad confused.
“I don’t want to be cannon fodder,” she cried and Kakashi tried to understand.
“Talk me through it,” he repeated, because Sakura was good at explaining.
And so it started to spill out, from her first moment of dread, to her political interpretation, to training, to watching them all with fear wondering who cared less. To being sent out to guard the client (the target) all by herself when they knew there were people gunning for his head and it would be her duty to stand in front of him. Of Naruto and Sasuke and how they revolved around one another with barely any room for a third teammate.
“Sakura,” Kakashi said low and rough, “I promised you, ‘those who abandon their mission are trash but those who abandon a teammate are worst then trash’.”
“I didn’t think I was a real teammate,” Sakura sniffled.
“Sakura, I promise you are,” he said gently, “In fact, you’re my favourite little student.”
“No. Sasuke or Naruto are,” she shook her head, “Cause Sasuke has the sharingan like you and Naruto is the Hokage’s secret grandson or something.”
Kakashi gave a low laugh and slowly sat beside her. He wasn’t good at comforting, didn’t know how to deal with crying kids. But she was his student and he’d promised to protect her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and she leaned into his side like a flower turning to warmth, like she was lost and had simply waited for such an invitation. She pressed her face against his flak jacket and he didn’t even care about the snot and tears (he’d had far worse rubbed into his clothes).
“Sakura,” he told her, “Do you know how much you have improved since the academy?”
“Not enough,” was her instant answer.
“You’ve done more than the boys. More than both of them combined,” Kakashi said, “Your chakra control destroys theirs. You’ve quadrupled your stamina and strength in a month. And when I fell, you were the one to jump in and take control, to care for me where the boys were useless. And best of all, despite your fears, your worries about being left behind, you’ve been more of a teammate, more of a shinobi, than either of them.”
“…really?”
“You sought me out, you looked at your limits and came up with what you needed and sought me out for training. Neither boy did. When you realized you were lacking, you looked for a solution. When you found a weakness, you addressed it. And you put your all into it. I know how many scrolls you’ve read, how many hours put in at the hospital in first-aid programs. I know how much you train.”
“You do?” she asked, incredulous, “You were watching me?!”
“Like I watched all of you,” he grinned at her, “And you were the only one who did not fall into old patterns, you were the only one who increased your training, who tried even harder. The boys got lazy and stuck to their academy routines despite the fact they were essentially promoted. And more than that, you’ve been brave.”
“I’ve been scared,” she shook her head, “All the time I’ve been scared out of my wits.”
“And yet,” Kakashi said gently, “You didn’t quit. You didn’t give up. Instead you faced those fears. Even being scared you didn’t run away or let the client die, you didn’t turn your back on your team. Sakura, that’s bravery. Far more brave than the boys who don’t know their mortality well enough to fear.”
She wiped her nose on her arm and stared at him with hopeful eyes.
“You’re a good kid Sakura,” he said giving her a squeeze, “But try to remember, you’re just a kid. I will never expect you to face A-class missing-nin. I don’t expect you to suddenly take on multiple enemies. That’s why you’re a part of a team, why I’m your sensei. I promised, and will promise again, we are a team, and I will protect you with my life.”
Sakura burst into tears again. But he was pretty sure these were happy tears as she hugged him.
“I’m sorry you felt so scared Sakura,” Kakashi told her, “But I promise, I’ll help you get strong enough you don’t have to feel like that again.”
.--.
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The Sakura who faced the journey home was not the same Sakura who’d started it.
“You feeling better Sakura?” Naruto asked carefully.
“Yeah,” Sakura told him honestly, “I am.”
“Good!” he brightened.
She smiled right back and realized it felt really nice to smile. How long had it been since she’d felt so relaxed, so unafraid she could smile. She told her self that she would try to feel like this more often. What was the point of living if she was only living in fear? She’d been driving herself crazy and that was no help to anyone, least of all herself.
She looked up at Kakashi-sensei’s back and firmly reminded herself of his promise. She wouldn’t be left behind, she wouldn’t be forgotten.
She was part of Team Seven.
And one day she’d be strong enough she wouldn’t be afraid.
.--.
.--.
The thought lingered in Kakashi’s head.
Sakura was a keen girl. Outrageously smart and intelligent, with insights even he had not considered in her readings. She was aware of politics and numbers in a way he’d never studied.
And nothing she had feared sounded outrageous. In fact it was all very sound reasoning; a civilian girl put on a team with the Kyuubi-Jinchuriki and the last Uchiha (the brother of Uchiha Itachi). Team Seven was a powder leg and Kakashi had known that since the beginning. He himself had wondered, once or twice, why Sakura of all people had been placed on his team, why shed been put in such a situation but he had simply accepted the fact they had indeed needed a third kid. Now he wondered why Sakura? Her academy report had not held a lot of hopes for her beyond her intelligence, nothing at least that said she could keep up with Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke and Hatake Kakashi.
So why not give him someone who could? Why Haruno Sakura? Why the civilian girl who would be forgotten if she died?
Kakashi twitched at the thought. It hadn’t been malicious he was sure, there was no way she’d made any big enemies at twelve. So was it just casual disregard? Did they expect Kakashi to ignore her and focus on the other two? Or would something like her death been used as an excuse to perhaps put a different person on his team.
Kakashi thought of Danzo almost immediately, thought of his ROOT and how much the man wanted both his boys in his grasp. What would have happened, Kakashi wondered, if Sakura had died and a spot on his team had opened up. He wondered how long it would have taken for Danzo to find someone to fill that spot.
Kakashi shook himself like a dog and tried to banish such thoughts. He was too paranoid. It was just numbers he told himself, Sakura had just been unlucky.
But the thoughts lingered. Kakashi told himself he’d keep a sharp eye on his favourite student. Maybe teach her some less-spoken of politics so she might watch he own back. No need to make her afraid, but enough that she might see what he didn’t.
Sakura looked back at him, as if sensing his gaze and gave him a shy smile. He smiled right back.
One thing he knew was, come hell or high water, no one would be killing the kids on his team.
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