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aliens stole my porch @hellionalex
lmaoooo do u ever remember something from ur childhood and ur like wtf was that one time I watched a blind catholic orphan beat up my bully on the playground w/o getting hit himself
aliens stole my porch @hellionalex
his name was matt i know he was a blind catholic orphan bc i was also a catholic orphan and he knew karate and im not lying
aliens stole my porch @hellionalex
this is on r/thathappened but i swear its true ask any of the other kids who were in the catholic orphanage in hells kitchen in the nineties bc im p sure nobody forgets matt
Rainbow Toad @rainbowtoad
@hellionalex brooooo i remember blind orphan matt he broke my older brothers nose for pulling some girls pigtails at recess
aliens stole my porch @hellionalex
@rainbowtoad the scourge of hells kitchen playgrounds……blind catholic ninja orphan matt. wonder what hes up to now?
r/AskReddit: Who’s somebody you’ve only met/come across once, but that you’ll never forget?
xcallibrr41: God okay nobody ever believes me when I tell this story because it sounds so batshit insane, but I think about this man every single goddamn day. First of all, I live in New York. I’ve lived here my entire life. I have seen plenty of weird shit, so things have to be pretty crazy to stand out to me, you know? I mean, aliens destroyed the city a few years ago, you’d think an alien would be what I think about all the time. Maybe Thor, the literal ancient god who I met at Starbucks once. But no. No no no. Every day I remember the time I was in the park, and who should show up but some nuns and like fifteen young-ish children. Probably like ten to thirteen year olds, and I’m pretty sure they’re the kids from the Catholic orphanage down the block, which by itself isn’t that strange. I’ve seen them around before. I was like fifteen, so I was mostly just ignoring them while they did their thing, and I wouldn’t have paid attention to them at all until two of them broke off from the pack and kind of wandered back towards where I was, so I started paying more attention. It was one of the youngest and one of the oldest, and the older kid was clearly picking on the little guy. I will admit that I’m an asshole who wasn’t going to step in, I figured the nuns would notice they were missing and I could keep playing on my gameboy in peace. What I didn’t expect was another one of the kids from the orphanage to come on over and start taking on the bully. He was this scrawny little thing, probably like twelve, and he was blind. Like, he had dark sunglasses and a white cane and he tapped his way over and said, "what are you doing, Billy?"
And the bully looked like, instantly afraid and said, "nothing. Just…talking." And then the kid he’d been bullying scurried away back to the group, and the blind kid gave this creepy little smile at Billy and tilted his head. I almost got up to help, then, because Billy looked like he was about to punch the blind kid, and, I mean, I was a dick of a kid but punching a kid who can’t even see it coming was too far. I didn’t have to, though, because the blind kid ducked the first punch like he’d known it was coming from a mile away, and there wasn’t a second punch because he just took the bully out in like thirty second flat. Whipped him across the legs with his cane, and then hit him twice. It looked like he broke Billy’s nose, and it hadn’t even been any effort. Like, at all. I was like six inches taller than Billy and I’m pretty sure it would have taken me longer to take him down, and the blind kid was not only blind, but tiny. And he just wiped his hands on his pants, gave that creepy little smile again, and tapped his way back to the group. I watched Billy go back to the group after like five minutes of waiting for his nose to stop bleeding, and one of the nuns asked him what happened. He said, "I fell, sister." Which like, yeah, I wouldn’t want to admit I’d been beaten up by a blind kid half my size, either, but since I’d seen it happen, it was wild. I’m pretty sure the kid was actually blind, too, because why would the nuns let him fake it, you know? I’m pretty sure doctors can tell if you’re faking it. It’s been like twenty years and I’m still thinking about that kid.
ricochetcircus: yeah so you saw the tweet that went viral too lmao r/thathappened
xcallibrr41: I hadn’t seen that tweet until you linked me to it, actually. If anything, doesn’t that prove I’m not lying? Somewhere out there, there’s a blind Catholic orphan named Matt who knows karate, and I wish him the best.
[VIDEO DESCRIPTION]: A shaky, zoomed in, vertical video of an alley in Hell’s Kitchen, Manhattan. A figure seems to be crouching on a fire escape, holding onto the railing with one hand and leaning out over the dumpster below him. The video seems to be taken from across the street, and the sound of traffic covers any audio coming from the person on the fire escape. The person holding the camera zooms in even more, making the video even shakier, saying "yooooo, that’s Daredevil. Hey, ma, Daredevil’s in the alley, look at this shit!" Before the video ends.[END DESCRIPTION]
f.mullins on Instagram: broooo i was trying to get a video of the fuckin alley cats across the street and daredevil was just chillin on the fire escape looking into the dumpster like he was waiting for Frankenstein or some shit lmaooooooo
Daredevil Watch @DaredevilWatchHK
Daredevil spotted at 350 West 43rd street, climbing through an apartment window.
DD Did Nothing Wrong @rachelawles
@DaredevilWatchHK snitches get stitches, bitch
kev @kevinransom
@DaredevilWatchHK bro why are you being a tattletale c’mon
NYPD Midtown North @NYPDMTN
@DaredevilWatchHK Thanks for the tip! Officers will check it out!
DD Did Nothing Wrong @rachelawles
@NYPDMTN @DaredevilWatchHK if my man double D gets arrested because of some fool on twitter i will be very upset. snitches still get stitches
NYPD Midtown North @NYPDMTN
@rachelawles @DaredevilWatchHK Regardless of personal feelings about the actions of the vigilante known as Daredevil, breaking and entering is still illegal. Anybody found to be breaking the law will be charged accordingly.
DD Did Nothing Wrong @rachelawles
@NYPDMTN @DaredevilWatchHK oh fuck off bootlicker and boots [Attached Image] A gif of Tony Stark rolling his eyes and sighing dramatically.
r/AskReddit: Food service workers, who’s the strangest customer you’ve ever served?
styxxylophoneplum:I'm a barista in Manhattan, so I've seen plenty of weirdos over the years. I work at an indie coffee shop frequented by hipsters, so there's a lot of weird drinks. Standout weird customer, though, has be this one regular. Haven't seen him in a while now (I'm pretty sure he was a student at Columbia?) but he'd come in almost every morning. Order the largest cup possible full of as many shots of espresso as we were allowed to give him, plus as many energy shots as we were allowed per drink. Which, fair enough, you know, he's a student, so whatever, the reason he stands out is that the couple times he stuck around to drink his....I'm hesitant to call it coffee, honestly, he'd sit down at a table. Pull out his laptop. He was blind, had some fancy readout thing that he'd set up and get to work right away. But he wouldn't just drink his drink. Oh, no. He had to add something to it. Not cream. Not sugar. He'd reach into his pocket, every time! Every time he stuck around! He'd reach into his pocket and pull out anywhere from two to six bottles of Five Hour Energy, drink enough out of the cup to be able to fit them all in, and pour the Five Hour Energy in. Sometimes he came with a friend, who always watched him drink, making horrible faces the entire time, and then just said, "I wish you would just get more sleep, Matt." I don't know who Matt is or what he's doing now, but I hope to god he learned to get more sleep and stop polluting his body with enough caffeine to kill Captain America.
Update: Matt and his friend are lawyers now and they defended The Punisher. I love New York.
woodedvirgavirga: there needs to be a subreddit like r/StoriesAboutKevin for this blind guy named Matt from NYC lmao. Literally just for stories about him, it’s gotta be the same guy, right?
Anonymous asked: yo you live in nyc? have you like….met the avengers? that’s so sick lmao
johngreenscockmonologue answered: Lol I haven’t met the Avengers and New York really isn’t all that exciting since the whole aliens thing has been resolved. My neighborhood’s got a vigilante, though, he’s pretty cool. Runs around in skintight body armor and beats up muggers and stuff. Also ninjas, once. Idk, I like him. He seems to be doing good things.
#his name is daredevil #and his ass is better than caps you can quote me on that #i know thats a controversial statement but dds ass… #id peg him is all im saying lmao
Why do people actually support the vigilantes in New York City? There’s already a team of superheroes operating under the law, so aren’t the vigilantes just dangerous redundancies?
Andrew Simmons, Quora user since 2014
Sure, we have a team of all powerful superheroes who live in a tower and show up when things get really out of hand, like when aliens invade or a robot tries to take over the world. But, honestly, how many of those things happen? And when they do, honestly, how much does it affect your life? I mean, the two examples I gave messed up the city pretty bad. There’s still construction all over my neighborhood trying to recover, but are the Avengers the ones doing it? No. It’s just normal people, the construction works and contractors and all the blue collar workers. And as sad as it is, the Avengers don’t really care about the day-to-day struggles of the people living in this city. They’re here for the big picture stuff, almost exclusively. Once in a while you might hear about Captain America helping somebody cross the street, or Hawkeye stopping a mugger on his way to somewhere, but that’s not every night, and it isn’t what they’re here to do.
Meanwhile, I live in Hell’s Kitchen, and I swear it’s like every day there’s at least five new stories about Daredevil saving somebody normal from somebody else normal. He saved me from a mugger with a gun a few weeks ago, so maybe I’m biased, but yeah, what he’s doing is technically illegal, and there are definitely some people out there who are going to need some serious plastic surgery if they ever want to look the way they did before he got to them, but he’s helping a lot of people. I guess I can’t really speak on the other vigilantes, since Daredevil is the only one I’ve really come in contact with, but I mean he swoops in and beats up muggers just as often as he takes down arms rings. And with him, at least, there’s clearly a moral code in place. I couldn’t name a single person he’s killed, just hurt pretty bad. He’s clearly good at what he does, just look at any of the videos out there of him fighting, and he makes sure the people he saves get the help they need. When he took out my mugger, he took the gun apart after knocking the guy out and made sure I made it to the police station safely.
So, yeah, they’re operating outside of the law, but at least from what I’ve seen, they’d doing good. Would you be against somebody who wasn’t dressed in a costume stopping muggings they come across? Or would you call them a hero? Because it seems to me that the only difference between a neighborhood hero and a neighborhood vigilante is a costume and a name, and I don’t think that’s enough to condemn them on.
AskReddit: Have you ever seen somebody crash and burn fantastically? What happened?
rockpomegranate: Oh man, I watched the biggest train wreck of a semester from one of my classmates my first year of law school. I went to Columbia Law, so pretty much everyone there was super smart, at least by the books. The ones who weren’t came from money, but this guy wasn’t one of those. He’d worked really hard to get into Columbia, and he was smart. I had him in a few classes both first and second semester of 1L, and it was just pretty obvious. Like, you can tell when somebody is smart, you know? And he was the type to sit at the front of the class, to make sure the professor collected assignment, all that kinda stuff. He just seemed really on top of things and in control for the whole first semester.
But second semester, something went very wrong. Like, almost immediately. The first maybe two weeks was exactly the same as first semester, like he was showing up, doing his work, always had something to say in discussions, and then it just stopped. He stopped showing up to class regularly, when he did show up he didn’t have any of his work done, he didn’t talk to anybody, and he looked almost sick like all the time. I don’t think he was, but he just totally nosedived. It was super weird, because he’d totally seemed like the opposite of the type to do that when I’d talked to him first semester, but he went down hard. You felt kind of bad watching him, like he’d pushed past some pretty fantastic obstacles to get here and he was just floundering, but he wouldn’t accept any help. His roommate would take notes for him, and on the rare occasion that I saw him around outside of class, his roommate usually seemed to be trying to convince him to do work or eat or just function. It was kind of awful.
lyricsvividmirpie: How did that end up? Did he end up dropping out? Like how do you come back from something like that?
rockpomegranate: That’s kind of the weirdest part. One day he just bounced back. Like instantly. He went from showing up once in a while to never missing a day, all of his assignments were done on time, he was kicking butt in class discussions again, too. It was like whatever switch had been flipped off was flipped back on all of the sudden. He ended up graduating Summa Cum Laude, which is insane considering he pretty much skipped half a semester which should have tanked his GPA.
icevostok1weasel: What do you mean he had to push through obstacles to get there? Isn’t getting into Columbia Law enough of an obstacle for anyone?
rockpomegranate: Well, he was an orphan, so he didn’t have any kind of familial support at all through anything. I’m pretty sure when he started he didn’t even have any friends, and even by the time we graduated he had one close friend, and it was his roommate. Everyone else was barely more than an acquaintance. And he was blind, so he had to do everything we were doing but different, and I can’t imagine that’s easy, either.
earthyikiruwave: lmao let me guess, he was catholic his name was matt and he knew karate
rockpomegranate: Now how the hell did you know all of that?
earthyikiruwave: behold, blind catholic ninja matt from new york
SasuNaru Rights @anim3boyfri3nd
just got saved by daredevil in a laundromat armed robbery
Sasuke’s Left Tit @raybanbanray
@anim3boyfri3nd what happened?
SasuNaru Rights @anim3boyfri3nd
@raybanbanray got saved by daredevil
Sasuke’s Left Tit @raybanbanray
@anim3boyfri3nd In a laundromat armed robbery?
SasuNaru Rights @anim3boyfri3nd
@raybanbanray yeah it was at a laundromat
SasuNaru Rights @anim3boyfri3nd
think im in shock rn lol
SasuNaru Rights @anim3boyfri3nd
daredevil do be kinda thicc tho ngl
BREAKING: HELL’S KITCHEN LAWYER ACCUSED OF AIDING AND ABETTING 'DAREDEVIL'
An anonymous source has come forward and claimed to have seen the vigilante known as 'Daredevil' entering and exiting a Hell’s Kitchen apartment belonging to attorney Matt Murdock. When asked to comment, Murdock simply said "how would I know if he comes into my apartment? I’m blind." Sources close to Murdock claim that he’s often seen sporting bruises that do not make sense, leading to suspicion that Daredevil is threatening him for use of his convenient rooftop access.
Randy Jacobs comments: Blind lawyer named Matt who lives in Hell’s Kitchen and is associated with Daredevil……..guys maybe blind catholic orphan ninja Matt has been Daredevil this entire time
Matthew Murdock replies: How does everyone know that I’m a Catholic orphan? Did my screenreader skip a paragraph?
Franklin Nelson comments: Anybody who thinks Matt Murdock has anything to do with Daredevil has clearly never met the man. He’s just a clumsy idiot and the most adventurous he gets is drinking a mocha instead of black coffee in the morning.
Matthew Murdock replies: I’m offended, Foggy, that you don’t think more highly of me. I’m not Daredevil B^) but I am pretty cool.
[IMAGE DESCRIPTION]:A selfie taken at night in an alley. The lighting is incredibly poor, but it is possible to make out two faces. Holding the camera is a person with curly blond hair in a pixie cut, looking something between deliriously happy and terrified. The other is Daredevil, his mask covering his face above his nose with the mask’s horns just barely visible in frame. He is frowning, but has his arm around the other person in the selfie. Upon close inspection, there is what appears to be two bodies just barely in frame on the ground.[END DESCRIPTION]
dolfinnjones on Instagram: My mom was worried when I moved to New York that I would end up getting murdered in a back alley somewhere. Well, Mom, guess who just got almost murdered? Your problem child, that’s who! And it was terrifying! But, on the bright side, I got to meet Daredevil, and he was pretty cool. Very cool, in fact. And I definitely don’t recommend looking up blind catholic orphan ninja Matt stories on Reddit and also comparing Daredevil’s (luscious) lips to those of Matthew Murdock, supposed accomplice to the coolest vigilante in New York. Definitely not. Matthew Murdock? He’s not Daredevil. No way, Jose.
Foggy Nelson @foggy.nelson
While we appreciate the effort behind the baked good and the letters are all very nice, Nelson, Murdock and Page is in no way associated with the vigilante known as Daredevil. Please report crime to the police, not our offices. Thank you.
Blind Orphan Ninja @matthewmichaelmurdock
Daredevil? Never seen him.
Karen Page @KarenPageNYBulletin
@matthewmichaelmurdock You’d think they’d trust the word of an award winning investigative journalist when she says she’s positive her best friend isn’t Daredevil
Blind Orphan Ninja @matthewmichaelmurdock
@KarenPageNYBulletin I couldn’t be Daredevil, that would be illegal. Some people.
I’m Matt Murdock, the blind lawyer accused of helping and/or being Daredevil. AMA
vostok1savannah: How are you on Reddit if you’re blind? Checkmate.
matthewmichaelmurdock: I don’t need eyes to use a computer, Savannah. Being able to use technology isn’t a superpower :)
sn1987aegs: I feel threatened by that smiley, Mr. Murdock
matthewmichaelmurdock: :)
tubathematrixfog:Do you even like Daredevil?
matthewmichaelmurdock: He’s an asshole. Apparently he used my apartment without my seeing him for a while. Would you like him?
vforvendettaant: Is your name on Twitter right now a reference to the meme and if so, is that actually you?
matthewmichaelmurdock: My best friend made me aware of the meme a few months ago and I thought it was funny because I am a blind Catholic orphan. Not a huge fan of ninjas, though, to be honest. Can’t say I’ve ever claimed to be one.
kiwibirthdaycake: Answer me honestly: Are you Daredevil?
matthewmichaelmurdock: That would be illegal.
[ATTACHED IMAGE]: A photo of Matthew Murdock at a Christmas party. He looks like he is laughing, standing in a doorway with his arms outstretched, holding a massive candy cane with mistletoe tied to the end of it. He is wearing a headband that makes it look like he has little horns coming out of the top of his head, and a red sweater that says "I’m Not Daredevil" across his chest.