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Every morning, Jisung has the same overwhelming feeling of regret. It washes over him like tidal waves hitting the shore, and burying his face on the pillow does little to help. His alarm blasts through the speakers of his phone at maximum volume and, really, this is purely his fault. Asking Hyunjin to record himself screaming Wake up! for Jisung to set as his ringtone was, in retrospect, not the bright idea he originally thought it was. He knows this, now.
He slams his hand on the screen and manages to miraculously turn it off; sudden peaceful silence enveloping his room. Jisung gives himself a total of ten seconds to enjoy it before forcing himself to sit up, because he knows there are 2 more alarms set to go off in five minutes and he doesn't want to hear Hyunjin's voice again. Probably ever. He rubs his face, swollen with sleep, and unlocks his phone to officially get rid of any possible aggressive wake up call left.
He goes to the bathroom, washes his face and teeth, tries to make his hair look decent enough. Jisung genuinely does not want to be doing this, but he skipped this class all of last week and is extremely behind on whatever is being taught at the moment— finals are close, and he's lost, so he figured he'd take advantage of the last few meetings to ask questions and get himself back on track.
Online school hasn't been very kind to him.
His Wi-Fi is shitty, first of all. He gets randomly disconnected from Zoom meetings at the worst times, always in classes where the professor has decided to be a pain in the ass and not record the lessons. Jisung's lazy by nature, too, and when his options are do your homework/study and join a random among us server and play all afternoon it is really not a surprise that he'd go for the latter. He does not look good in the mornings, also, so being forced to sit in front of a webcam with terrible quality while he looks like that actually makes him want to quit university altogether.
Jisung pulls out his laptop from under his bed and walks over to his desk, setting it down gently. He lets himself fall onto the chair and opens the computer, quickly typing in his password and going straight to the Zoom app. He has the access info somewhere in his notes, and he frantically looks for it as the minutes go by. It's 7:56, class starts at 8, and he really, really, should do this with a bit more time to fall back on in case anything goes wrong. Whatever.
Three notebooks later, he's got it, and he gets into the meeting exactly at 8. Jisung lets out a sigh of relief, leaning against the back of the chair, and waits for the professor to let him in.
In the meantime, he texts Jeongin.
Jisung
yo are u joining the meeting
i dont wanna be here alone
Jeongin
pretty sure there are at least 20 other people in that class
Jisung
but are u joining
Jeongin
yes im joining
Jisung
cool
im still in the waiting room
are u in?
Jeongin
nah
professor choi is probably late
Jisung
ok ok
Jeongin
we have a graded assignment for this class due next week btw
its in pairs and i put us together without ur permission
Jisung
what if i didnt want to do it with u
Jeongin
that's why i said without ur permission
u have no say in this
A sudden ping! makes him look up, and then Professor Choi's face occupies the entirety of his screen. She's way too close to the camera, and Jisung kinda jumps back when he's met with the image of her big eyes looking directly at him. He sits up straight and waves.
"Hi, everyone!" She greets them all cheerfully. Jisung's classmates look as dead as he does, with bags under their eyes and barely awake. He's pretty sure one of them is literally still in bed, "Good morning. I had a bit of a problem connecting, but luckily it was quickly fixed. How are all of you doing?"
A chorus of noncommittal fines and goods and half-asleep mmmhs flood the audio. Professor Choi somehow still manages to look genuinely delighted to hear their responses, no matter how depressed they sound. Jisung sets his elbow on the desk and puts his head on his hand, preparing himself for yet another two hours of boring educational talk. He told himself he'd try to pay attention, and he plans to stick to his own words.
"I'm good, Professor Choi," A voice says. There are many people with their cameras on, and Jisung doesn't manage to catch sight of who spoke, "How are you?"
"Ah, I'm doing just fine," Professor Choi replies with a sweet smile, "Thank you for asking, uh…"
"Felix," the boy speaks up again. This time, his face flashes briefly on Jisung's screen, causing him to almost hit his chin on his desk when his arm decides to stop holding him up. Holy shit.
"Felix," Professor Choi repeats, "Thank you. Ok. I think all of us are here! If anyone else is missing, or is having problems connecting, remember that…"
Jisung tunes her out. There's no way he did not just imagine that— whoever that was. There's no way a guy that cute has been in this class all along and Jisung has never seen him until today. I would've noticed him , he thinks, how did I not notice him? He starts clicking on the little arrow next to the list of his classmates, surfing by four or five people at the time, looking for him. Felix . He comes across a guy with Shrek's swamp as the background and kinda gets distracted for a bit, but quickly goes back to the task at hand.
"... I'm gonna start sharing my screen now," Professor Choi's voice reaches his ears again, "Just give me a minute. Technology is not my forte!" A couple students laugh, more out of awkwardness than it being actually funny. Jisung is still going— how many fucking people are in this class? "Ah, there it is!"
A nightmare. Literally a nightmare. Jisung's screen stops obeying his clicks and takes its sweet time to showcase what Professor Choi has started sharing. The little rectangles that show everyone's faces have disappeared, and even when he brings them back he's back on square one. He drops his head on his arms and lets out a sigh. His phone vibrates right next to him, and he picks it up without lifting his head up, bringing the mobile down to his legs and reading from there.
Jeongin
are u ok
u just put ur head down
Jisung
yeah
just tired
Jeongin
did u see the guy with shreks swamp background
Jisung
YEAH
Jeongin
this is what comedy has come to be
Jisung snorts once before locking his phone and looking up again. Professor Choi is still going strong, a whole PowerPoint presentation with bright colors and funky effects now up on the screen. He tries to pay attention, he really does, but he starts clicking again almost unconsciously in search for Felix. (Shrek's swamp guy is now eating chips. At 8 in the morning. But, hey— who is he to judge?)
The last row proves to be the one. Felix is amidst those five; eyes focused on the screen and with a pencil in hand. Jisung can't help but stare. He's really glad that, to others that might be watching, he simply looks like he's just intently observing Professor Choi's heavily decorated presentation slides.
Felix has the back of the pencil between his teeth, and although it should be nasty, he finds it a bit endearing. Jisung goes back to his initial position, elbow on the desk and head leaning against his hand, and spends at least 20 minutes going back and forth between the actual class and Lee Felix's little rectangle of video. He gets close to the camera at one point, to better read something written in a weird font, and Jisung catches a glimpse of his freckled face. It kills him.
He participates in class a lot, always speaking up when Professor Choi asks for collaboration from them. Felix doesn't let those weird silences that stretch forever happen between breaks, and actually seems to engage in the activity because he wants to. If the enthusiastic Yes! and Exactly! that Professor Choi lets out after whatever Felix says are anything to go by, Jisung can say that he seems like he's actually got an idea of what's going on in this class— unlike him.
An hour into the lesson and no new information in his brain, Jisung accepts that he won't be able to concentrate like this. Yeah, he could get rid of the video thing and only let the screen sharing take over his own screen… But, oh my God, Felix pouts when he writes. He actually does. What the hell.
That's it. Jisung grabs his phone and opens his chat with Jeongin, finger lingering on the little microphone button to record a voice message. He needs to know more about this boy.
"Jeongin, dude," he starts, "Do you know Lee Felix? He's in this class. I had never seen him before— why had I never seen him before? He might actually be the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life. Do you know him? He's blonde, and he's got freckles. Freckles , Innie," He sighs, "Whatever. Just tell me if you know him. Or if you even see him. I might be hallucinating cute boys, or something."
He lets go of the button and watches as the audio loads and then sends swiftly. It surprises him that the message immediately marks as read, but Jeongin doesn't play it right away. He frowns down at his phone, and is about to type a message when Professor Choi clears her throat and makes him look up.
There's no more screen sharing going on, no colourful PowerPoint and no one talking. Everyone in the meeting is looking right at him, some with their hands over their mouths and others with their jaw down on the floor. Professor Choi has this awkward pitying smile on, and he's looking at him with her big expressive eyes that seem to scream Oh, poor you . Jisung starts to realize what's going on right as his phone vibrates on his hand:
Jeongin
jisung
your mic is on
Oh. Oh, God. His eyes go wide with the shock and he's actually rendered speechless as he stares down at the words in that last message. His heart starts beating fast inside his chest, and his eyes start burning with freshly formed tears and the need to let them out. This is so, so embarrassing. He can't even bring himself to look up, too afraid to make eye contact with Felix himself, and simply hurries to turn off his camera and mumble an I'm sorry before also turning his mic off, too.
"Well," Professor Choi speaks up. The tension is still in the air, and probably won't leave for the rest of the class. Jisung puts his feet on the chair and hugs his legs close to him, "Um. As I was saying. When we have…"
He's so stupid. Oh my God, he can't believe that just happened to him. After all the tweets, all the TikToks that had warned him about this exact same thing— how did he not think to check that his mic was off before going on a monologue about one of his classmates? Of course this would happen to him. Jisung throws his head back and groans.
He can't keep hearing Professor Choi's voice in the background, can't keep avoiding looking at the screen for too long. Jisung wasn't learning anything, anyways. Hadn't heard a single word the entire time he'd been there. With determination, he leans forward to leave the meeting once and for all and then go and rethink his life choices for the rest of the day. His eyes catch onto something new in the chat right before he can click, and his heart almost comes out of his body.
From Lee Felix to Me (Privately)
hey, jisung
Jisung swallows hard and licks his lips nervously. He slowly moves his finger away from the computer mouse and lets them hover above the keyboard for a bit instead. What is he supposed to say? What is Felix gonna say? Jisung takes a deep breath.
From Me to Lee Felix (Privately)
im so sorry
i really am
this is so embarrassing. not only for me, for you too!!! and it's my fault im so sorry
From Lee Felix to Me (Privately)
nooo dont worry
its ok
it was… it was kinda cute, actually haha
u said really sweet things <3 :)
From Me to Lee Felix (Privately)
- well. uh, youre welcome????
i guess
im still sorry
From Lee Felix to Me (Privately)
really, don't be ~~
im flattered a cute guy like u thinks all that of me
^-^
From Me to Lee Felix (Privately)
a what
a what like who
From Lee Felix to Me (Privately)
hahaha
jisunggg
i think ure really cute too
From Me to Lee Felix (Privately)
#!$?#?#?@?
dont lie im sensitive
From Lee Felix to Me (Privately)
im not lying :(
youve been 'cute boy from my zoom class' for a couple months now
From Me to Lee Felix (Privately)
ok this is. a weird conversation to be having on a literal zoom chat
can i give u my number
if u want to of course
Jisung presses send with shaky hands, still trying to process the entire situation— plus, the conversation he still can't quite believe he's having right now. He bounces his leg up and down and brings his thumb up to his mouth, biting at his nail.
From Lee Felix to Me (Privately)
id like that
id like that a lot <3
Jisung grins. Online school might be a tiny bit more kind to him from now on. Only a little.