Chapter Text
I am adrift in a sea of dark nothingness. From there I am suddenly struck with an abysmal void of dreams that haunt me. No, not dreams, memories. Glimpses of the past that haunt me in segments. Those fierce topaz eyes searching my face for answers. Flashing to blood spattered full lips whispering my name. Then to her hand reaching for me in a bright glowing light. The only time I see all of her is at a distance showcasing her feminine silhouette.
“Be with me…” Rang through the air as if it blew past me in the breeze. I turned my head as if I could see the words, only to be introduced to dead trees, and Grave Markers. I approached them slowly, I could hear her laughter beautifully playing in my ears. I closed my eyes trying to remember what she looked like when she laughed, but the control I once had in my dreams was lost here. As I took another step closer, the Grave Marker pulled further and further away from me, my heart ached with sorrow. I took larger strides, that turned into a quickened walk and then before I knew it I was running, and the sweat began beading on my forehead. It felt as If I were running for millennia, my lungs growing tight and my sides aching. “Be with me…” I heard the whisper in front of me. So I pushed myself harder, my legs aching with pain, but I must endure. If I could just see her face, one more time.
I chased after her words, the heat radiating up my legs, to my chest. My cheeks and the tips of my ears began burning. I squinted my eyes as thick fog seeped in around me from all angles. I reached my arms out in front of my aching body desperately reaching for the Grave Marker. “Solas!” I heard her voice yell now from behind me. Peering over my shoulder as my body propelled forward. Her silhouette stood behind me. “Vhenan.” I gasped. My legs sliding forward as I tried to stop running, sending my body falling backward. I expected to hit hard ground but instead was suddenly free falling, her outline above me reaching down. “Don’t go.” Her words filled my ears so clearly. “I love you.” Further and further away I fell from her.
“I walk the Din’anshiral… there is only death on this journey.” An echo of my words haunted me by bouncing off the walls that now surrounded me. “It would be kinder in the long run...” Darkness circled me now and red lyrium shards began to erupt from the stone walls. My eyes began to tear, as pain burrowed deep within my chest. This is what I deserve, an eternity of torment. I closed my eyes only to be shown her bloody hand reaching out to touch my face and to hear her gasping and wheezing in her final moments.
“Mana. Ma halani!” Remembering the words I had screamed as I was holding her dying body. “Vhenan! Please!” My words echoed off the red lyrium infested walls. I let my falling body go limp, my arms were now floating near my head, my legs fluttered with the fall.
Her words were broken as pain and death took hold of her. “Var… lath…vir…suledin.” I wanted to see her face, even if it had to be in this heartbreaking moment. I ached for her… Will I forget what she looks like? She has engraved her name on my heart, but will my mind forget her face? I could not bear the thought.
Her laugh cut through the air again, I squeezed my eyes tightly to try and picture the way her face lit up. Instead I see the moonlight flash off the back of her head, casting a bluish glow from her obsidian hair, her ears peeking through it as she begins to turn slowly. My heart thrashed wildly against my ribs. “Did you really think I wouldn’t have understood?” Her words pierced my heart. “You’re the Dread Wolf, you’re Fen’Harel…”
“I will never forget you.” My eyes shot open as my words rang around me. Suddenly I jerked to a halt. I will never forget her, but what If I forget her face? The way her topaz eyes would sparkle when she found something funny. The way she bit her lip when she was nervous. The way she would raise an eyebrow at me in playful suspicion.
Then it began to happen. I was gaining control of this dream as I pieced together my Vhenan. I placed my feet on the ground and she stood before me. “Be with me.” She began turning toward me, dawn glowing behind her. A dimple in one cheek, her smooth warm skin radiating with a love I had never felt before. Her long thick eyelashes that would tickle my cheek as we held each other lined her eyes. Her hair fell down her back as smooth as royal sea silk.
A dark shadow emerged from behind her, he wore a wolf pelt and black cloak, his dark sunken eyes burned like red lyrium, and his hands were like claws. It… was… me, but not entirely. He grabbed her roughly and pulled her away from me, the beauty of dawn now turning dark and ominous. She reached a bloody hand out to me as he dragged her away, the lyrium infested walls now became arms that were holding me back as I violently jerked toward them. I called to Ari but there was no response from the distant silhouettes.
As quickly as I began to gain control, it slipped from my grasp. Never again would I dream as I once did. My eternal torment was to hear my love die over and over again, and watch as she is taken from me.