Chapter Text
Yue loves her father. She loves her home. She loves her people. She understands that being a woman - a princess no less - comes with responsibilities and expectations. She is to marry, to produce an heir, and support her chosen husband as he leads the Northern Water Tribe. Her duty is to know her place.
Her place, according to her father, is to marry Hahn. Yue failed him at birth, born a daughter instead of a son. She sees this every time he looks at her, every time a council member makes a pitying remark, and she desperately wants to make it up to him. Yue, however, hates Hahn.
Despite living in a nation at war, Yue never hated anyone before she met him. At first their meetings were just coincidental; her father and Hahn's father, Haku, were friends from childhood, close to the point of family. Hahn started tagging along with Haku around when Yue turned fourteen. When Haku and her father wandered off together, Yue was forced to associate with him.
For the first year, he was just rude. Stupid, also, and full of himself. But the city was filled with men who were full of themselves, with people who were rude, and idiocy alone wasn't an excuse to dislike someone. So Yue tolerated it as she was expected. She hosted him, she fed him, she poured him his drinks and cleaned up after he left, like a proper Water Tribe woman. And Hahn, knowing full well that the social rules dictated she do so, felt no need to make it easy on her. He ate messily, left things on the floors and tables, spilled his drinks and stared until she cleaned them.
Yue was a Water Tribe princess. She tolerated him. She adapted. Like a flowing fjord, she continued her duties without fail. Resentment festered inside her, but how she felt didn't matter. Hahn was a man, and she was not.
When she turned fifteen the occasional, awful visits became more frequent. Her father and Haku often whispered to each other, eyeing her and Hahn as she cleaned up after him and nodded in all the right places when he bragged. When they were alone he only grew more demanding, emboldened by the restrictions her position placed on her.
Yue will never forget the day he first touched her.
She had leaned over to put down a plate of steaming sea prunes for him to eat, as he always complained until she made something. Just as she set the plate down, he reached out and grabbed her breast.
It was only a second, but Yue jerked back immediately. Her face burned. Her eyes watered. Thankfully her many layers of clothing prevented direct contact, but she was still horrified and ashamed. She had the sudden urge to punch him, but women were not allowed to be violent. Disregarding her responsibilities as a host, she rushed away, glad to see Hahn's face pale as he realized he'd surely be punished.
Yue waited in her chambers, alone, until Hahn and Haku left. She didn't wish to embarrass Hahn's father by mentioning Hanh's disrespect in front of him. He was a decent man. It took hours for them to leave. She could hear Haku ask Hahn where Yue was, that they were "usually inseparable," but she didn't hear Hahn's response.
"Father," she rushed to him the moment they were gone. "Father, I... something happened today." Yue wished her mother was here, or Yugoda. Her father loved her dearly, but talking about this to him was shamefully uncomfortable. Her mother was the one who understood the pressures of being a princess, and Yugoda had taught her healing despite Yue's lack of bending, had explained her first blood, had always been open to her. Not that her father wasn't open, but women's issues and men's issues were kept strictly separate, and he struggled with crossing the divide.
Her father brushed a thumb across her cheek. "Are you alright? Do you feel ill?" That was always his first concern. Her birth, her weakness, had frightened him, and those fears intensified after her mother passed.
"No, Father. It's just - Hahn, he... he touched me, today. He grabbed my chest."
There. It was out, it was said, Hahn would be punished, and if she was lucky she'd never have to see him again.
"What?" Her father said. "No, Hahn wouldn't do something like that. Are you sure?"
...This was not what she expected. The thought never crossed her mind that her father would defend Hahn. "Yes, Father I'm sure, he grabbed at me, at m-my breasts."
Her father frowned. "I can't imagine that boy behaving so crassly. I'll talk to his father." Yue slumped as much as allowed, tension sliding from her body like waves withdrawing from a shore, and foolishly let herself believe that was the end of it.
Her father approached her the next day, and told her that Hahn had confessed to a moment of weakness, that he hadn't even known what he was doing until he did it, that he was very sorry and would never do it again. "Men are like that at his age. They can't control their urges well. Don't be too hard on him."
Yugoda said something similar when Yue asked her advice. "Boys will be boys. He'll grow out of it."
Hahn was never punished for his behavior, and that only made it worse. He squeezed her backside when she walked by, he fondled her breasts, he pulled at her hair. Never when anyone else was around, of course. Yue told her father when he groped her breasts the second time, but he insisted it must have been accidental, and after that she stopped trying, resigned to the whirlpool of hopelessness drowning her. Her father wasn't listening, or maybe he didn't care.
The thought chilled her.
"Yue, Haku and I have been talking. When you turn of marrying age next month, you and Hahn will be wed." The way he says this, as if it's great news, is a slap to the face. He fastens a betrothal necklace Hahn must have carved around her neck. It's beautiful, and Yue hates it.
She smiles but she wanted to sob. This is a common practice Yue employs: smiling through fury or frustration or terror or sadness, knowing that she can't change what's to come no matter how hard she struggles. Like the ocean, Yue must adapt. She could do this. For her people, she must.
This was the thought she clung to, right up until Hahn nipped at her ear with the coldest smile Yue had ever seen. It was cruel. He knew how uncomfortable he made her, and he was enjoying it.
True terror gripped her heart.
Only a year ago, Yue wholeheartedly believed that her father would protect her from any threat. That he'd cherish and defend her to his dying breath. But with a frigid wave of clarity, Yue realizes Hahn is a danger her father would never acknowledge.
Her father loves her. Yue knows this. Her father is going to marry her off to the man who made her life hell for almost two years. Yue knows this also.
Yue would rather die than live the rest of her life serving Hahn. Freezing to death in the tundra beyond the walls of the city would be better than enduring Hahn's behavior. He frightens her. Yue genuinely fears for her safety, imagining a life serving him, obligated to him even more than she is now.
No matter how strong the guilt of being born a woman, of how much less she could do for her people because of it, it's not enough to keep her here with Hahn.
At first she contemplates suicide, but finding her body would devastate her father, and it would be disrespectful to Tui, to take the life they had given her. The only other option is running away.
(There are times to push, to fight, and there are times to pull away).
So Yue abandons her responsibilities, her people, her father, and runs.
-
"Avatar, when my daughter was born, the spirits gave me a vision. For some reason, I can no longer remember what it was."
-
When she was young, her father allowed her on multiple trading voyages along the northern coasts of the Earth Kingdom, so that Yue could learn about the exchange of goods and local Earth Kingdom government.
Yue uses this knowledge to sail to the closest port she can. Her pack, stuffed with clothing, dried foods, a full waterskin, and an ornate bone dagger in case of emergencies, sits snug against her back.
She keeps her hair styled the same, but her fancy jewelry and hair pins are stowed away to sell later. It's wisest not to attract attention to her wealth.
On her sixteenth birthday, she gets a job at a beachside resort. The pale pinks and reds of the fabrics give away the target visitors, but Yue wants the experience of working a physical job.
The first night she sleeps there, she has nightmares of burning koi fish and a bloody moon. Yue wakes up choking on the smell of salt water.
-
Zhao sneers and drops the moon-white koi back in its pond. The Dragon of the West strikes him down the second Zhao's arm moves to try again.
-
Yue can't explain how she knows the old man that washes up on the sand, but she's overwhelmed with gratitude and a sense of (must repay the debt) determination when she meets his eyes. He introduces himself as Iroh, and his nephew as Zuko. Yue has an extensive education in politics as well as mathematics and literature, so she recognizes the names (or at least Iroh's) as members of the Fire Nation royal family.
This changes nothing. The urge to repay her(?) debt remains strong. When the two men flee the resort, she follows and offers her aid.
"And what is your name, fine lady?" Iroh asks, all tense smiles and coiled muscles under his robe.
"My name is Yue," she responds, and with the insistence of (absolute honesty trust great debt) transparency she continues, "Princess of the Northern Water Tribe. You saved the Moon Spirit," how does she know this? "So I am in your debt."
-
The three of them are royalty. This means they have no idea how to forage, or survive in the wilderness, or hunt. Yue is a dead-weight. Iroh keeps getting sidetracked by plants, and Zuko spends hours fishing only to come back with a single minnow impaled on the pole.
In the north, when men were frustrated, it fell on the women to subtly boost their ego. This wasn't a real rule, more of an unspoken agreement that sullen men were more annoying to deal with. If asked, a Northern Water Tribe man would deny this, mainly because he has no idea it happens. "You impaled such a small target! That must take skill."
The minnow stares, dead-eyed, from the top of his spear. It does not seem impressed.
Zuko doesn't preen and justify his failure to himself (and her). Instead he snarls and accuses her of patronizing him. Yue is mortified, because hearing him say that forces her to realize that the way she's been taught to treat men is pretty patronizing, and also because Iroh ate a strange bush while unsupervised and poisoned himself.
"We need to find a healer," Yue says.
"I thought you were a healer," Zuko growls at her like a feral polar bear-dog. Yue feels supremely inadequate. The healing she was taught involved warming people up from hypothermia, amputating frost-bitten limbs, and using the three types of plants that could grow near the North Pole.
"I was taught Water Tribe methods only... I've never seen these plants before. I'm sorry."
They wander until they find a town, and a healer takes pity on them and saves Iroh's life. She even teaches Yue what she knows about local field medicine. Afterwards, she invites them to dinner. The roast duck is good - Yue thinks so, at least. There are no ducks back home to compare to. Zuko disappears with Song and comes back looking torn.
Not torn enough to opt out of robbing their savior, though.
It's not Yue's place to question him, so she looks to Iroh, who only shakes his head in disappointment.
Yue is too guilty to sleep well that night.
-
Zuko does not take well to begging. Iroh does, with a flexibility that inspires Yue. Humbling herself on the side of a road isn't too difficult after dealing with Hahn, after being taught subservience her whole life. She drops the occasional, shy smile at susceptible-looking men, complete with a demure aversion of eye contact that says I'm so vulnerable, please handsome sir, spare a coin for a helpless maiden?
It works.
Camping out in the forest that night, she tries her hand at calming the snapping lion-turtle that is Zuko. "You're handling this well," she says, and it isn't empty flattery this time. Yue can tell he's struggling, but he hasn't cracked and skewered a man with his swords yet. That's more than she could expect of some men back home.
"What do you know," Zuko bristles, still seething over the man that harassed his uncle, swung his swords at him while making Iroh sing. Yue was disgusted by his behavior as well, but let it wash over and past her like fog. There wasn't much she could have done.
"When that man mocked Iroh, I could tell you were furious, but you didn't strike him. If I were a man, I'm not sure I would've tolerated that." Yue isn't sure why the two of them are roughing it as beggars, but she guesses the subject is sensitive and avoids breaching it.
Zuko blinks at her. His glimmering gold eyes are confused, in an aggressive, teen-prince-with-serious-life-problems sort of way. "If you were a man...? What does that have to do with anything?"
Iroh hands each of them a cup of fresh tea, brewed from reliably-identified plants this time. "Allow me to explain. In the Northern Water Tribe, women are not allowed to fight. They are discouraged from any displays of aggression or violence, and are expected to provide support from the sidelines only."
"Is that not how things are done in the Fire Nation?" Yue is genuinely curious. Knowledge about different cultures is key for a princess, even though she's a runaway.
"No, that's stupid." Zuko has zero tact. Sometimes, Yue wonders how he ever survived growing up embroiled in politics. "That halves the size of your army. Why wouldn't you want all the fighters you can get?"
"Women are weaker than men, so women are to manage children and domestic chores, while the men fight and hunt." Zuko gives Yue an incredulous glance.
"Weaker!? You Water Tribes are crazy!"
Yue is torn between offended on her people's behalf, flattered at Zuko's complete befuddlement at the notion women are weak, and envious other societies don't have the same restrictions hers does.
Since it's rude to not reply, she settles for propping her head against one hand. "I'm jealous," she admits. "I used to wish I could learn how to fight, at least to defend my people." The confession tastes bitter on her tongue. Who is she to find her way of life wanting? She's a princess; she'd been given more freedom than any other woman in her tribe, how could she complain when others have even less?
"I... know how to fight with a knife," Zuko says, stretching out the words like they're stuck to his tongue and staring at the bone dagger in her pack. "If you want. I could show you. Some tips."
Yue is thrilled but hesitant. She's struggling with enough guilt after running away. Would her conscience be able to handle betraying the traditions of her home?
(But the Earth Kingdom isn't home, and Yue must change - adapt - pull from what she knows and push forward to survive).
"I would be honored."
-
Yue nicknames the ostrich-horse Pakku. Pakku The Ostrich-Horse enjoys dried grass, nipping at fingers, and shrieking when he sees the sunrise. Yue dotes on him constantly, trying to make up for stealing him.
Zuko also dotes on him, but (not quite) subtly, like he doesn't want anyone to notice. Of course, both Yue and Iroh do, but they let him think he's getting away with it. They also let him think they don't notice when he sneaks away during the night, dressed in black with a theatre mask covering his face, and that they don't know he's stealing all the stuff he comes back with. An expensive tea set for Iroh, a leather sheath for Yue's knife, fancy dried meats and pastries and bags of money.
While it's sweet Zuko wants to provide for them, Yue worries he'll attract unwanted attention, and stealing isn't something she's comfortable with. Who knows what stories the people Zuko robbed had? Maybe they were on their way to sell that fancy tea set to afford medicine for their children, or maybe the knife sheath was a birthday gift from a dead loved one, or-
Zuko slaps her knife out of her hand. "Pay attention," he huffs, positioning his own knife's hilt against his palm. It's a striking green in the sunlight, and Yue can't help but admire the craftmanship.
Yue bends down and grabs her own blade, shifting into the stance Zuko has been drilling her on. Her legs are wide, feet planted, body positioned to attack or defend.
Zuko lunges forward and swipes at her. Yue drifts back, then pushes off her heel and makes her own attempt at an attack. Zuko kicks her arm off course and knocks the knife out of her hands again with his wrist.
Yue frowns. "Sorry," she says, ashamed she's wasting Zuko's time with her shoddy skills. What was she thinking, a woman learning to fight? Of course she couldn't match up to him.
"Your stance is better than before," Zuko offers. Yue would think he's placating her, but Zuko doesn't sugarcoat things or soften his blows. He doesn't regard her as inherently weaker, needing to be insulated from reality. Neither does Iroh.
It makes her feel... better about herself? Not that she ever disliked herself, it's just that living in the Water Tribe there were so many contrasting responsibilities and restrictions - lead a tribe, bow to men; protect her people, wait for others to protect her - where as here she could simply decide to do something, like learn to fight with a knife, and no one stopped her. If Zuko says she's improving, then she is. He's a terrible liar. Maybe it's shallow, to have her opinion swayed so easily, but it's difficult for Yue to care.
She's finally growing beyond her previous limitations.
-
Yue sells most of her royal jewelry in the next town they reach, and the money is enough to afford an inn and a hot meal for the night. It isn't much, just rice and salted pig-chicken, but after days of walking it tastes like the finest sea prune stews.
Zuko isn't as pleased as Yue.
"We shouldn't have to sell our belongings just to eat," he says, glowering into his bowl.
"It's alright, I brought those hairpins with the intent to sell them." Yue attempts to placate him.
"Well you shouldn't have had to! Those were some of the only things you had left of home, and you had to trade them to some greedy merchant!"
This is obviously about more than what Zuko was saying. Yue knew she ought to tread carefully. "While it is sad to part with them, I'll always be grateful that they provided me the means to make more memories with you and Iroh." Add a gentle smile, wait to see if effective. Calming men down was a talent of Water Tribe women.
Zuko flushes and aggressively spoons rice into his mouth. Behind him, Iroh shoots her a goofy smile and a thumbs up.
The next morning he hands her a leather notebook. "For last night," he says, avoiding eye contact. Yue beams and thanks him, pretending not to know it was stolen despite the guilt churning in her gut, and takes comfort in the fact that her words had made some difference.
-
Whatever feelings Yue's miniature speech imparts to him, they aren't enough to keep Zuko from leaving her and Iroh. They confronted him about stealing, and instead of defending his actions he just got up and left. And took Pakku with him. Yue can't help but feel like she didn't try hard enough, didn't say what she should have. Now his uncle is forced to worry about him from afar, and it's clear the stress is getting to the man.
Yue is worried and guilty enough as it is, but at night she dreams of racing bolts of blue and frozen golden eyes. She can't shake the foreboding feeling that (repay the debt prevent the pain) something is coming.
-
Iroh and Yue's covert stalking of Zuko leads them to the smallest, loudest 12-year-old Yue has ever seen. She's Earth Kingdom, an impressive bender, blind, and so tiny.
The girl - who's name is Toph - reminds her of those tiny poodle-monkeys she's spotted Earth Kingdom nobles carrying around; minuscule but frothing at the mouth from highly-concentrated rage.
Iroh makes Toph tea. Yue is painfully curious at how she bends blind, but asking about it is probably a faux paus. Instead she just sits in silence while Iroh bestows Toph with a dose of wisdom.
"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Toph asks just as they all finish the tea. Yue has no idea how to respond to such a blunt, crass question.
"I - what?"
"You look weird."
Aren't you blind? Is what Yue wants to say. Instead what comes out is, "I'm sorry?"
"Is this related to how you knew we were nearby?" Iroh says, ever the diplomat, offering neutral ground between Toph's forward personality and Yue's reserved one.
Toph smirks. "Yeah. I see with my earth bending. But you," Toph jerks a pointed finger in Yue's direction. "Look like - like - two people at once? There's you, and then there's another you. What's up with that?"
Yue has no idea how to respond. She apologizes.
-
There's a fight in the abandoned village they track Zuko to. Iroh tells her to stay behind with Pakku, so she does, watching plumes of dirt and fire leap into the air from the edge of the village. Pakku pecks at her feet while Yue twists his reigns over and over in her hand.
Iroh (and likely Zuko) are fighting and she's standing around without helping. If this were home she would sit by in her palace, warriors dying in her father's name while she did nothing. But this was the Earth Kingdom, and Iroh and Zuko aren't her subjects.
She owes Iroh (her life) so much. Yue can't wait safely while he endangers himself any longer. What if he's attacked? What about Zuko?
What if she was already too late?
(Danger fire prevent the pain).
She ties Pakku to the remains of a house and started running, knife ready.
The scene she arrives to puts her fears to rest. Iroh and Zuko, along with Toph, two other children, and a boy her age, had cornered a Fire Nation girl that looked strikingly similar to Zuko. The situation was under control. Yue had been worried over nothing.
The Fire Nation girl met her eyes for a split second, not long enough for Yue to register anything, save for a flash of recognition. The girl's eyes were a frigid gold, just like what she saw in her dreams. Then her hand struck toward Iroh, quicker that an eel-viper, launching a bolt of blue fire. Yue found herself running towards the flames, not even wholly aware of what she was doing.
(The time for pulling away was over. It was time to push, for Iroh's sake).
"No!" Yue shouts, at the Fire Nation girl or at the fire or even at the idea Iroh could be hurt - she didn't know. The twin expressions of panic and fear on her companions' faces, the shock on the children's, the bland irritation in the girl's; they were the last things she knew before the flames struck her on the left of her rib cage, just above her stomach. There was a scream, and then there was nothing.
-
Yue's eyes flitted open, but she knew she wasn't awake. Above her was an endless expanse of ocean, churning and frothing. When she looked down, Yue saw nothing but a void: no stars, no moon, nothing. Just inky blackness.
"Hello?" She called. She couldn't see anyone, but Yue had the strangest feeling she was being watched. "Is anyone-"
Yue fell. One moment the darkness held her weight, the next it fractured like thin ice and dropped her down.
Down.
Down.
A bunny-like spirit flew around her head on insect wings, glowing bright glacier blue. It chirped at her, patted her head, then floated away.
Her stomach was sore from the constant plummeting sensation. "Hello?! Please, I'm scared!"
Something wet grabbed her. Yue looked into the massive, expressionless ebony eyes of a koi fish, holding her with slimy human hands that looked as if they were made from bits and pieces of dead ocean life, oozing gore. "Little Moon," it said in her father's voice, rubbery lips lifting to show off rows and rows of different teeth: sharp and fiberous and flat and all layered against one another. "I've come to bring you home."
Water gushed from its mouth. Soon there was no air left, just briny liquid. "There you go," said the fish, smiling to itself in satisfaction.
Yue screamed.
-
The screaming is still happening when she wakes up in the real world, but it isn't hers. Her side hurts. She's felt pain before, but this is different in a horrible way, burning and stinging and also itching somehow. Yue tries to say something - anything - to beg for relief. All that comes out of her mouth is a croaking gasp.
"Shut up!" That's definitely Zuko.
"Don't talk to my sister like that-"
"Guys, can't we calm down-"
"Zuko." Iroh's voice booms from above her. Yue realizes she's cradled against him. "Miss Katara's healing has worked. Yue is regaining consciousness."
Blissfully, the arguing stops. Zuko's warm hand squeezes her own. "Yue? Are you awake?"
The idea of answering with words sounded impossibly exhausting, so instead Yue says, "hmm." Then she realizes that if she's tired, she could just go to sleep.
So she does.
-
"I'm giving you a special mission, Han."
"Chief?"
"Take a group of men, no more than three, and please. Find my daughter. Bring home your future wife."
Han grins.
-
The time between Yue passing out in Iroh's arms and waking up again is, blessedly, eldritch-ocean-monstrosity free. When she returns to consciousness, Yue is lying on a thin mat in a dilapidated hut, under every blanket Iroh and Zuko owned, as well as her own sleeping bag. Zuko has stuffed one of his shirts with grass to use as a pillow, and a damp rag is pressed against her hairline. Her hair is out of its usual style, draping down to the small of her back. For a split second, she thinks she sees the rabbit-insect from her dream watching her from the ceiling. She blinks, and it vanishes.
"Nngh?" Yue says, because her mouth tastes beyond disgusting and she really doesn't want to get out of her cozy cocoon for a drink. Iroh is at her side in an instant, helping her sit up. The pain in her side remains, but Yue no longer feels like curling into a ball and melting away to escape it.
Zuko approaches from her peripheral vision, holding a clay cup filled with steaming liquid. "I made you tea," he says, gently placing the cup in her hands.
Yue takes a sip. The flavor is almost worse than being shot by fire; it's so bitter, she's forced to swallow rapidly just to get it down. There are bits of leaves floating in the cup that are burnt around the edges.
Despite the atrocious taste, her mouth feels less like it was used to pickle ocean kumquats. "Thank you," Yue says, and she means it. The gesture was sweet.
"I also have food cooking outside, it should be ready. I'll get you some." Off Zuko went, motivated by the intense need to take care of someone without knowing how to actually do so. Yue never thought Zuko could be so doting.
Iroh hands her another cup of tea, grabs the one Zuko had brewed her, and dumps it out the window. "I have yet to teach him the finer arts of tea brewing," he stage-whispers, winking. The tea Iroh gave her tastes stellar, and she drains the entire cup in one go.
Zuko returns with a bowl of rice and vegetables. He looks so out of place, Yue can't help but take pity on him. "Thank you," she says again. "I appreciate it. How long has it been since the fight?"
"Three days."
"You had an unfortunate meeting with the princess of the Fire Nation," Iroh explains. "Azula, Zuko's younger sister."
That girl was family? And she'd tried to kill Iroh? "Oh. I... I'm glad you're both safe."
Iroh sits back against the wall of the hut. "The same goes for you. You should've seen Zuko, he held your hand the entire time Miss Katara healed you. It was very touching."
"Uncle!"
Yue laughs. A real, unfiltered laugh. She's in pain and has just drank the worst tea to ever be brewed, but she's with her friends. They had obviously gone through a lot of work to make her comfortable. Zuko even cooked, which Yue didn't realize was possible. "Thank you," she repeats, because the amount of (success pride relief guilt) gratitude swelling in her chest is just too much to properly convey. "I'm glad I'm here with you two. Thank you for everything."
Iroh and Yue both notice Zuko's painfully obvious blush, but deign not to torture him anymore than necessary. After all, Zuko is about to attempt lightning.
It takes some convincing, but Iroh allows her to sit outside the hut and watch Zuko train. Zuko hovers at her side while she shuffles out the doorway, bringing a blanket for her when she rests against the outer wall.
"Just don't. Move anywhere." Zuko looks at her as if she's about to take a running leap off a cliff. As if she's the impulsive one. Although to be fair, she had used herself as a human shield.
Iroh explains the mechanics of lightning, which Yue eagerly listens to. Pure energy, flowing through the body... She's never seen firebending before, and the forms are vastly different than the waterbending she's seen. With water, the body is kept loose and flexible. Fire is stiff and direct.
Iroh shows Zuko the form. Zuko copies the form. Yue leans forward as much as she can, eager to see the result.
Zuko explodes.
Or, the crackling energy sparking from his fingers explodes. Yue flinches at the sudden noise, winces, then winces again, because the wince hurt just as much as the flinch. Zuko is thrown backwards, skidding across the dirt. Only Iroh is unaffected. It seems he expected this.
"Zuko, are you okay?" Yue calls. He doesn't respond. Instead he jerks upwards, onto his feet, and goes through the motions again. His frustration is written in his movements, and Yue isn't surprised when the lightning explodes again.
And again.
And again.
Covered in ash, dust, and scrapes, Zuko punches the air. "Why can't I get this?! It keeps blowing up in my face!"
"I think it's amazing you can combust the air in front of you. I've never seen bending like that." Yue is telling the absolute truth - she's genuinely impressed. At the fact that he can blow up air, and at the fact he keeps bouncing up to try again. His tenacity is a marvel.
This is not what Zuko wants to hear. "What do you know. You're not even a bender!"
"That's why I think it's amazing." The sight of her sitting in dirt, hair undone, wrapped in a blanket because she's running a slight fever after being shot by his little sister to save his uncle, frowning after he shouted at her, is successful in leeching the anger from his voice. He sags, pinching between his eyes.
"Why don't I teach you a technique even your sister doesn't know," Iroh offers. "I invented it myself, studying waterbenders."
Zuko eagerly latches on. Then he storms off when Iroh refuses to shoot lightning at him, which speaks volumes about his home life. Zuko genuinely expected Iroh to be comfortable risking electrocuting his nephew. Iroh! The kindest man in the world!
If Zuko saw his uncle risking killing him for training as perfectly acceptable, how did the rest of his family treat him? Adding in Azula's lack of hesitance attacking Iroh, Yue could safely say she's glad he's not home.
Zuko stays out for a while, despite the thunderstorm that kicks up. Yue stares out from the single window in the hut, worried he could be stuck in a muddy ditch or electrocuted by natural lightning. She can't stare too hard though, or else she'll start to see strange creatures watching from the dark: deer with glowing eyes and mice with teeth longer than their bodies. They don't look away when she meets their eyes.
When Zuko returns it's dark, he's soaking wet, and he stares at the floor with broken eyes.
Yue hands him his blanket from her pile while Iroh offers him a cup of tea and some dinner. A conversation goes by in glances from Zuko to Iroh and back again.
"Sorry. For yelling at you," Zuko says. "I just- I don't want this to happen again. If I talk to you like that again, uh, you know you can yell back. Don't- you don't have to take it."
Is he giving her permission to chastise him? She knows she doesn't need it, but Yue has never felt comfortable arguing with Zuko. She left that to Iroh, feeling she had no right to go against him when she didn't know his situation. That, and years of being raised to never openly question male leadership. It's odd, being told that she could raise her voice at him. Doing so would be used as proof women were too emotional to handle disagreements back home, but Zuko talks as if it's defending herself.
A barrier breaks. Yue abruptly feels closer to him. She doesn't know what changed, only that it has. Leaning against him, Yue finds one of his hands and clutches it tightly in her own. "I'm sorry for worrying you. I understand why you yelled, just. Try not to next time."
"Yeah. Okay."
-
Iroh has a friend who makes fake identification. This is good. The friend lives in the Si Wong desert. This is awful. A year ago she lived in the North Pole, where the height of summer meant a never-setting sun and only three layers of clothes. That was inconvenient. But this-
This-
This is miserable.
There's no water. Just sand, endless dunes of sand. The heat is oppressive, the sun merciless, the air dry as the ground. Yue strips to her lightest underclothes, just a sleeveless blue tunic with white borders, and she's still sweating like an ice cube over a bonfire. Her bandages are itchy with sweat and her scalp is hot enough to sear meat, despite tying up her hair again.
Zuko and Iroh just seem mildly irritated.
Iroh's friend lives in an oasis town, except the oasis is a chunk of ice dripping droplet after droplet into the sand underneath. Yue wants to lie against it, to press her face to it, to crawl into it and let the coolness chase away the hot air. She just settles for a wistful gaze.
"Some rundown shack? Really?" Zuko has low expectations of the town, partly compounded by the unflattering wanted posters of him and Iroh posted on a notice board. The restaurant (?) they enter looks no better than the rest of the town, tattered cloth serving as a door and a sandy floor splattered with mud and hay.
"Don't judge it too quickly," Iroh says in that low tone that implies there's more going on.
The inside has a counter with stools, a few tables, and an old man at a pai sho board that Iroh made a beeline for. Zuko makes an irritated noise at the back of his throat, no doubt ready to boil over with frustration.
Iroh smiles, sits down, and starts playing. Yue knows how to play pai sho - Yugoda taught her - but she doesn't recognize the strategy Iroh is using. He starts with the white lotus tile, a normal move, but then slaps tiles on the board at random with no care for strategy.
Or it seemed random, before Yue realizes Iroh and the old man had made the outline of a lotus. "It is an honor to meet a grand master," the old man says. There's something here that Yue isn't privy to, an irksome, familiar feeling that reminds her of watching her father enter council meetings without her. Zuko seems just as put out, standing at Yue's side.
"Are you done playing games?"
The harsh tone is unnecessary, and Yue almost says so, before two men demanded Iroh and Zuko come with them. Bounty hunters.
"You think you're going to turn them in and get all that gold?" The old man shouts. Yue doesn't know what his goal is, but from his cadence it's clear he has one. Zuko doesn't pick up on it, instead turning to Iroh and yelling at him with a desperate voice that makes Yue's heart ache.
The second the word "gold" tumbles out of the old man's mouth, every shady character inside - which is everyone - turns their way. It's an instant riot, men fighting to get the reward all to themselves. The bounty hunters are lost in the scuffle, and Yue, Zuko, and Iroh sneak out to the old man's flower shop.
How the man grows flowers in a desert, Yue doesn't know.
Iroh and the old man disappear into a back room, leaving Zuko and Yue alone with the flowers.
"What do you think they're doing back there?" Zuko asks after smelling all the flowers nearby. It's kind of cute to watch.
"I don't know. It's funny, this reminds me of home. Father and the council never allowed me in meetings. I'd wait by the door and listen through the wall." Yue smiles despite herself. The memories are bittersweet.
"Why weren't you allowed?"
"Only men can be on the council or hold the title chief."
Zuko rolls his eyes. "You Water Tribes are so backwards."
"In some ways. In others, I believe we're ideal." Yue remembers when she broke her wrist as a young child. She'd slipped on a stairway, shoes wet from the oasis water.
(She swam in the pond with the koi often, before she grew too big to play with them without taking up the entire pond. The fish would playfully nibble her fingers and toes, rub against her like baby penguin-seals. Only the chief's family was allowed in the oasis, so no one ever disturbed her. To this day, it was Yue and the koi's secret).
When she fell, the bone broke through her skin. Her father carried her to Yugoda, frantic - people joked about it afterwards, the chief of the North running down the streets, shouting Yugoda's name, sweetly concerned for his child - and she was healed within the hour and sent home with a snack. Yue can't imagine seeing someone suffering and demanding money to help them. It goes against everything the Water Tribes teach.
And yet, in the Earth Kingdom, money is required for healers.
Zuko looks at her, disbelieving, so Yue changes the subject. "What's the Fire Nation like? Is it as hot as it is here?"
"Not quite. The air is more humid. And there's plenty of water. There's food there that actually tastes like something."
Despite the oppressive heat and the dull sting of her burn, Yue laughs. She's not sure what's so funny. "You should eat Water Tribe food. We've got plenty of taste." Water Tribe food is mostly pickled or dried; everything either has a salty overtone or a sour aftertaste, and only fish is eaten fresh. Other meats were tough from the preservation process, and the few plants had a mouthfeel ranging from mush to firm mush. Yue knows her traditional cuisine is an acquired taste - the handful of Earth Kingdom dignitaries that visited said as much - but growing up without any other options makes even the fattiest slice of leopard-seal jerky gourmet.
The face Zuko makes implies he knows full well the type of flavor Yue is talking about. "Is it spicy?"
Yue winks.
"No thanks."
-
The ferry station to reach Ba Sing Se is perhaps the most crowded place Yue has ever seen. She can't walk three steps without jostling shoulders or squishing toes. The docks are built in a natural cave that keeps the temperature nice and cool, but it reeks of sweat and feces. There are babies screaming and children crying and adults just staring vacantly at the stone floor.
"Three tickets to Ba Sing Se," Iroh says, flashing their identification at the woman in charge with a wink. Zuko slinks against Yue, mortified.
"Such a ladykiller," Yue whispers, just to watch Zuko jolt and stare at her in horror, as if she was going to try and become his new aunt any minute.
The ferry is built differently than any boat Yue had seen. It's tall, tall enough to have entire floors inside for storage. Instead of wind or bending, it's moved by a sort of propeller on the side of the boat that spins in the water.
Iroh buys himself and Yue fun straw hats as they board.
Refugees sit on the deck, spreading blankets out to avoid touching the greasy floor. Boat workers hand out bowls of... food, but mostly leave the passengers to their own devices. Shadows whip past underwater, forcing Yue to keep her eyes up.
Zuko takes one bite of the food and chokes. He promptly tosses his dish into the water. "This is disgusting!"
Yue hates to agree - it feels ungrateful - but Zuko isn't wrong. The texture is unnervingly soft, the flavor bland with a hint of sourness, and every so often something crunches between her teeth. Is it meat? Rice? Stew? Whatever it is, it must be weeks old.
"What do you say we get some real food?"
A boy her age with puffy hair, followed by a younger boy wearing a wide hat and short (girl? Boy?) person with face paint strolls up to them. His body language screams self-confidence, the smirk on his face and his sharp eyes putting her on edge. It's not fair of her to make the comparison, but something about him reminds her of Han. Yue is immediately on guard, as is Zuko, but Iroh seems relaxed as ever.
"I heard the captain of the ship is eating like a king, while we refugees get scraps. Why don't we liberate some for us common folk?"
Yue isn't comfortable with stealing. What if they're caught? Zuko has no such reservations, so he sneaks off with the trio while she and Iroh remain on the deck. Yue pulls out her notebook and shows Iroh her latest poetry while they wait.
"I see a common theme in your work. Do you often visit with spirits?"
"What do you mean?" Her poems are mostly based off of dreams. Once Yue had a vivid dream where she was hovering in the sky, surveying the earth turn ever so slowly. She still can't quite capture it in poetry. Strange animals talking with her were common, as well as giant versions of her koi friends swimming with her. On occasion, even awake, she imagined odd creatures wandering around. A few waved at her, or beckoned her closer. Then she'd blink, and they'd vanish.
Iroh gifts her with a gentle smile that makes her preen. It was so much like a parent's, Yue couldn't help but crave the validation it gives her. "I've spent much time in the spirit world. What you write about sounds strikingly similar to what I see there."
Much like when Toph mentioned her "looking weird," Yue has no idea what to say. Failing to come up with a response, she shifts the topic back to Iroh. "Why do you spend so much time there?"
"After my son died, I searched for a way to speak to him again. Now, I simply visit for the company."
That isn't the answer she expected. Yue assumed it was some classic Iroh mysticism, like when you reach my age, it happens, not my son died. "Iroh, I'm... I'm so sorry."
Iroh waves his hand. "It's alright. There's nothing that can be done now. But how did someone so young find herself touched by the spirits?"
Is that really what Yue is? She knows what Tui did for her, but the idea that the animals she sees when she drifts off - or stares too hard into the distance - were spirits seems too fantastical to believe. Iroh knows more than she does, though, so Yue guesses Tui's benevolence is what "touched" her.
This is the first time Yue tells someone the story of her birth. Back home, it was common knowledge, almost legend; how the daughter of the chief was blessed by one of their patron spirits and given life.
Iroh takes her explanation in stride. "I'm glad you're here with us," he says. The awe and reverence her people displayed when mentioning Tui isn't there, and in a way it's refreshing. Yue often felt like an imposter when people discussed her connection to the moon spirit. She was just a baby, all she'd done was lay there and not die. When Iroh responds, he's seeing her, not Tui.
Zuko and the three other refugees return with steaming-hot bowls of dumplings and broth. Yue stands to hand out everyone's bowls, like a proper host, only sitting back down when Zuko shoots her an odd look. "What are you doing?"
He serves her a bowl as he asks, like it's normal for the man to serve the woman food, and she can't help the way her face heats. "I - back home, it's the woman's job to serve food. I didn't even think before - this is embarrassing."
That look returns in Zuko's eyes, the wow the Water Tribe is a bunch of savages look. Yue doesn't like seeing it, doesn't enjoy knowing her friend has such negative opinions on her people, but elects not to say anything.
"Yeah, I kinda remember my mom doing the same thing," the girl who helped steal food, Smellerbee(?) says, chewing open-mouthed. Zuko startles.
"My mom too," the older boy pipes up. He has atrocious table manners, just like the girl. She thinks his name is Jet...? "I guess it's an Earth Kingdom thing - but you don't look Earth. Water Tribe?"
Yue nods. "Yes, I'm from the North."
"The North?! What are you doing here? Isn't the Northern Water Tribe supposed to be a stronghold like Ba Sing Se?" Jet keeps chewing on a piece of grass. It's distracting. Why is he doing it? Is he eating it?
"I-" Yue pauses. She's never told anyone her specific reasons for leaving. Would they think she was overreacting? Would Iroh and Zuko take Han's side, like her father and Yugoda?
No. Zuko and Iroh thought her serving dumplings was odd. Surely they wouldn't see Han's behavior as appropriate?
But wasn't that what she thought about her father?
"I," Yue tries again. Honestly, she wants to tell someone the whole story. She desperately needs people she cares about to say she isn't in the wrong. "There's a boy back home, and he- he kept touching me no matter how much I begged him to stop. No one believed me when I said what he was doing, not even my father, and then- see, marriages are arranged in the North, and my father and the boy's father are childhood friends, so my father arranged for me to marry him and I couldn't- I refuse to live bound to him, so I. Ran away." She stares at the wooden deck the entire time she speaks, imagining their faces twisting with scorn as they realize she abandoned safety and a loving family over something so stupid. Saying it out loud leaves her feeling small and entitled. Yue has no idea what the three fellow passengers' tales are, nor why Zuko and Iroh are fugitives. Surely, her minor discomfort pales in comparison?
A cracking noise loud enough to feel splits the air. Yue jumps, turns to the source. Zuko's bowl is sitting in shards between his hands, fragments spilling from the edges of the break. Iroh frowns at the mess, worried Zuko cut himself, but his eyes are focused on Yue. His amber gaze is so understanding Yue can't help but let a few tears drop. The relief is overwhelming. Iroh is on her side.
"What's his name," Zuko grinds out, words minced like they went through a flour mill.
"It doesn't matter."
"What is his name."
"...Hahn. His name is Hahn."
Zuko is boring holes into the ruined bowl with his stare, to the point Yue is honestly worried he'll set it on fire. Iroh gently sets a hand on her shoulder, looking to be about to impart some advice, or reassurance, when-
"Damn. That sucks," Jet speaks up. His tone is flippant but his eyes are empathetic.
"Ew! If a guy did that to me, I'd knock him out," Smellerbee punches a fist into her palm. "You ever see that guy again, you come tell me!"
The other boy nods sagely.
Yue sobs out a laugh. "I will, thank you."
-
Parting at the station in Ba Sing Se has Yue swimming in a myriad of emotions. Excitement to have reached their destination, to be able to live in one place, make a home. Trepidation at the size and the foreign smells and colors and streets. Reluctance to leave her new acquaintances from the ship in case they never found each other again in the massive city.
Iroh buys tea at the station. They say their goodbyes to Smellerbee and Jet and Longshot (Yue and Smellerbee hug; Smellerbee insists she'll look them up once they're settled. Smellerbee is the first girl friend she's made that's her age and not constrained by status differences. It's exciting). Jet tries to recruit Zuko to join some sort of club, which Zuko adamantly refuses.
Yue understands his reluctance to forge friendships. He's the prince of an enemy nation, and those kids did not look like fans of fire benders in general, let alone the royal family. It'd be exhausting, playing friends while knowing if they knew the truth, they'd hate him.
The first thing they do in the city is find work. Naturally, it's at a tea shop. A struggling one, going on the lack of customers.
Iroh starts going through proper brewing techniques with the owner, a wiry man named Pao. Yue distracts herself by going through the business books.
There are a lot of math errors...
Before she realizes it, she's gone through the last month of purchases, fixing each calculation, writing the correct work in the notebook Zuko gave her.
"Ah, young lady, what are you doing with my budget book?"
Yue startles. "Oh, I was just noticing, you spend an average of thirty yuan more than you need to per month for your jasmine shipment. See this calculation? You carried the four to the hundred, not to the ten."
Pao blinks. "You... know algebra? Did you attend a university?"
"Ah, something like that."
"Please!" Pao handed her the records. "Fix my ledger!"
Yue spends the afternoon going through his math behind the counter while Iroh brews and Zuko takes orders. It's comfortable. Just the scratch of her pencil against the soft paper of her notebook, Iroh and Zuko chatting in the background, the occasional customer being blown away by the sudden increase in tea quality.
After dark, once Pao closes the shop, they head to their new home: a tiny apartment only a few blocks away. It's smaller than her room back at the resort she'd worked at, and coated in the same fine layer of coal dust and mud that settles on every surface of the lower ring. Iroh buys flowers to decorate, and excitedly cooks up dinner.
"We made it!" Yue cheers, clinking her bowl of rice noodles and vegetables against Iroh's and Zuko's. "I'm so happy!"
"This marks the beginning of a new chapter in our lives," Iroh says, pouring everyone tea.
Zuko picks at his dinner. He's obviously frustrated. The mood sours.
"I'm sorry, Zuko. I know you'd rather be home. Let me know if there's anything I can do that would make this less... awful." Yue feels genuinely guilty Zuko is struggling. She'd chosen to leave home, but Zuko? Something told her it hadn't been a choice.
Zuko grunts.
"Can I ask...? Why are you and Iroh so far from home?"
Iroh sighs into his food. Zuko flinches. "My brother is not... a kind man."
"I spoke out of turn. I disrespected my father. I was punished." The way Zuko speaks, like he was reciting facts from a textbook, eyes far away, makes Yue's skin crawl. No matter what, Zuko is always passionate when he speaks. He feels deeply, and it's reflected in his tone. But now? There's nothing. Emptiness. Forced apathy.
Yue purses her lips. "I think," she starts, despite every fiber of her being telling her she had no place - no right - to give her opinion. "Whatever happened, whatever you did... you deserved better. You deserve better."
Zuko stands and flees to bed without another word.
-
In her dream, Yue found herself standing in a rolling field of grass. The field stretched on as far as she could see, hill after hill coated in yellow-green plants that waved in the breeze like water rippling in the wind. The air shimmered, surreal, swaying along with the grass. She recalled what Iroh had said on the ferry.
"Hello? Am- am I in the spirit world?" Her voice echoed outwards. The grass near her rustled. Yue's heartbeat skyrocketed.
A spirit jumped up from their hiding spot. They were a deep blue, like the underside of an ancient glacier. They were shaped like a rabbit, but with insect wings and antennae.
Wait.
"I've met you before," Yue murmured. "You were there when I was hurt."
The rabbit-spirit chirped at her and patted her head. Thunder clapped above, despite the perfectly-clear sky. The very air darkened, shifting gradually until Yue realized she wasn't in a field at all, but the bottom of the ocean. The swaying grass was seaweed, and the shimmering air was water.
Light radiated from the rabbit-spirit's body, the way sunlight trickles through thick ice. They pointed behind her, and Yue turned.
And gasped.
"Hello Little Moon," the koi fish with her father's voice and too many teeth floated in front of her. Unlike before, no horrid hands crafted from the scraps of sea life push out from its gills.
Yue swallowed. Noticed she was breathing despite her location. Told herself it didn't exactly hurt her last time. "Are you... a spirit?"
"Oh Little Moon, do you not recognize me? The yang to your yin? The pull to your push?" Its voice spread through the water. Yue felt it in her chest, in her limbs, in her gut, buzzing.
Memories crashed to the forefront of her mind like waves breaking against fjords: swimming with the koi in the oasis, reading about Tui and La, the black koi fish gumming at her toes while she giggles. Looking at it now, the massive koi staring at her was also black with a single white circle crowning its head.
Yue was on her knees before her mind supplied her with the reason. "La," she whispered. "You... you're La."
It - they smiled, showing off all their many, many teeth. Knowing who she was speaking to, the smile was less threatening. This was a powerful spirit, practically a deity to her tribe, but they were also the little fish Yue swam with as a child. "You recognize me. I missed you Little Moon... you left the oasis. There was no way to see you. I had to stretch outwards..."
Yue reached forward, resting a hand on their massive face. Each scale was the size of her palm, warm and cold at the same time, vibrating with energy and smoother than anything Yue has ever touched. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize."
"You will visit now? When you sleep? Little Moon is no longer scared?"
"Of course!" Talking to La was like slipping on perfectly-fitting boots. It was so familiar, so easy, so comfortable.
The water began to drain, carrying La away. The rabbit-spirit started running their paws through Yue's hair. "Goodbye Little Moon... sweet dreams."
When Yue wakes up, she's smiling.
-
Pao places Yue in charge of money. All final purchases are to be run by him for his approval (he's still the owner), but he always approves. Yue organizes bulk shipments of tea leaves, determines how much of what needs to be purchased, puts aside money to pay rent for the building and wages and buy more tea. The moment he realized Yue found mathematics easy, he transferred almost all financial control into her hands.
It's astonishing. He just... gave Yue the power. Her, a woman. Yue showed she could be trusted to handle money, something the men did back home (it was believed women were naturally less inclined towards mathematics than men), and Pao trusted in her skills completely. It's flattering. Empowering.
Why isn't this the way it works back home? Yue is a capable person. She has a deep understanding of literature, of politics, of mathematics and infrastructure. With Zuko's instruction, she became adept with a weapon. If her people had given her the chance, she could have flourished like this back home, put her skills to use for her tribe.
She could've been useful so much earlier. How many other women had their potential squandered under tradition? How much progress had been stymied by rigid, outdated structures? If she ever went home, she had to at least try to change things. Bring her people into the present.
Smellerbee and Longshot visit on occasion. Longshot found work as a butcher, while Smellerbee made deliveries. Jet never visits, which Yue finds odd, seeing how besotted he'd been with Zuko earlier. Yue talks to La most nights, about anything and everything, eager to share her life with them now that she knows she can.
Yue finds herself content with the routine she's made for herself in Ba Sing Se.
Until Hahn walks through the doors of the tea shop.