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Keepsake
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“Why?”
Aigis turns her unblinking gaze to him, a silent demand for clarification. Makoto does not hold her eyes for long, choosing to stare at the sea instead. Aigis acknowledges this sensory information only to discard it, deeming it useless.
“You said your highest priority is to be by my side… why?”
The question is unexpected, but Aigis has a suitable answer.
Or so she thinks.
“That’s…”
Finding herself at a loss of words, Aigis switches her focus to her neural network in search of the missing link between her compulsion and the reasoning behind it. Surely, there must be a reason why being by the side of this particular boy is so crucial.
So utterly and undeniably necessary.
However, try as she might, she cannot find an acceptable justification for it.
“I am afraid I am unable to answer your query in a satisfactory manner, Makoto-san,” she admits, her flat tone failing to reflect her bewilderment. “However, there is no mistake. Being by your side is indeed my highest priority. I knew it from the moment I perceived your presence on this island.”
Makoto’s expression could be best described as dubious. “How did you…? No, never mind.”
He shakes his head lightly, to clear his thoughts Aigis’ processor supplies. When he faces her at last, there is something she cannot properly identify in the look in his eyes.
“When you figure it out, can you tell me?”
“You would like a report? Understood.”
“No, just…” He seems to think better of what he is about to say, because he trails off with a sigh. “…I’m counting on you.”
Aigis nods, resolute to meet his expectations. “Yes. I will do my best.”
SEPTEMBER 10th
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“An attack! There are two of them!”
By the time Fuuka’s warning reaches them, one of the shadows is already preparing to strike. One look is enough to tell its electric attack will be directed at none other than Makoto, who takes a defensive stance. Junpei curses under his breath and Koromaru summons Cerberus, but none of them is faster than Aigis.
“Palladion!”
In one swift movement, Aigis runs and slides on the ground towards Makoto until she is shielding him. She pushes him back right as the magic hits, the thunder of lightning drowning out his voice.
“Aigis!”
Palladion withstands the brunt of the electric discharge, but the damage is still enough. Aigis’ knees crumble underneath her, the static wreaking havoc on her circuits.
“Aigis is in trouble!”
“Barong!”
Behind her, Makoto wastes no time in attacking both shadows with a wave of strike attacks that hit them right in their weakness. As soon as they are down, he rushes towards them, sword in hand. “Junpei, Koromaru!”
“Roger that!”
Unable to move, Aigis watches as Makoto leads the all-out attack with something akin to pride.
Yes… this must be the reason why I…
The answer has been right in front of her all along. As a Shadow Suppression Weapon, it is only logical that she seeks to support and to protect the one responsible for their success.
I must… report my findings.
“No Shadows detected. The battle's over!”
Makoto runs to her, healing Persona already equipped. “Aigis! Are you okay?”
She would have liked to nod, but she still has trouble moving. “Yes, I have sustained no permanent damage.”
“…I’m glad.”
Makoto kneels by her side, hands glowing blue. It is only now that Aigis takes notice of the smile on his lips, recognizing the look on his face as one of relief. The emotion seems so misplaced that she cannot help but blink, perplexed.
“It is unnecessary to worry about me,” she points out, concerned about the waste of energy. “I am a machine, so even if I am damaged, I can always be repaired.”
“Aigis…” Makoto frowns, a display of discontentment that only adds to Aigis’ puzzlement. “Humans can be healed, too. That doesn’t make it easier when people you care for get hurt.”
People you care for.
The notion troubles her, an odd feeling welling up in her synaptic circuits.
“Makoto-san, but I am not—”
His Persona disappears and with a start, Aigis realizes she can move again.
“Take proper care of yourself from now on, okay?” Makoto asks, standing up. Then, as if on second-thought, he adds, “It’s an order.”
Aigis swallows her protests, knowing better than to argue against a direct command. However, the strange sensation does not leave her, not even when she rejoins the group and they start to make their way towards the stairs.
Even more peculiar is the fact that her memory banks keep replaying the footage of his relieved face. The kind curve of his lips, the genuine emotion in his eyes.
How curious.
Taking her usual place by his side, it occurs to Aigis that she might have been mistaken. Makoto is an indispensable asset to the fight against Shadows and protecting him is her duty, that much is an undeniable fact.
Yet, it may not be the sole reason of his importance to her.
This requires further study. I shall increase my efforts to give Makoto-san a prompt report.
Satisfied with her decision, Aigis marches on.
NOVEMBER 18th
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Aigis looks away, body filled with unease. A feeling she can only describe as foreboding seems to make itself at home whenever Ryoji Mochizuki is near, and this time is no exception.
She wishes Junpei would listen when she tells him Ryoji is no good, but she can’t blame him for ignoring her. She has not been able to justify her distrust of the boy with sound reasoning, after all.
Just like…
“Is everything okay, Aigis?”
As if sensing her thoughts shifting to him, Makoto falls in step with her. The fact that he has chosen to break away from Junpei’s and Ryoji’s animated chatter to check on her does not go unnoticed. His attention makes a familiar warmth spread in her Papillon Heart.
Like a gush of fresh wind, it chases away the unease until a smile breaks across Aigis’ face.
“Please do not worry, Makoto-san. Are you enjoying the School Trip? I have read there is no better time for a student to make ‘unforgettable memories’, as they say.”
Makoto’s questioning stare lingers for a moment longer, but he is soon returning her smile. “Yeah, it’s fun to hang out with everyone. What about you, Aigis? Are you enjoying yourself?”
The question takes her aback. “I…”
Am I?
Aigis looks up at the bright, sunny sky and gauges the pleasant temperature. Her gaze then travels to the boy leisurely walking by her side, lips set in a smile that radiates contentment.
With starting clarity, she realizes there is no place she would rather be.
“I am,” she announces, honestly. Makoto must be pleased with her answer because the grin he gives her is nothing short of blinding. The gesture sends a current of that familiar warmth through her circuits, and not for the first time Aigis wonders what it means.
That warmth—it is confusing, but not unpleasant. Rather, she finds that she enjoys it. She has not been able to identify its purpose however, nor its name.
All she knows is that it often happens when Makoto is near.
He is… special to me.
That much seems certain. No one is able to make her feel this way, only him.
Could this be the answer she has been looking for, then?
No, there is… something else. Something I cannot grasp…
Her mind conjures images of Ryoji. Another question for which she lacks an answer.
When did I become this unreasonable? She wonders, frustrated with herself.
“Makoto-san, about the report you asked for…”
Makoto seems confused for a moment. The look is soon replaced by one of realization, his eyes widening a fraction. The shade of anticipation in his stare makes Aigis feel rather sheepish.
“I… do not have an answer yet. I apologize.”
“It’s fine, Aigis,” Makoto reassures her, somehow not looking disappointed. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
He says it with such confidence, Aigis cannot help but believe him.
“Yes!”
JANUARY 30th
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“Are you… afraid?”
From where she’s sitting on the corner of his bed, all she can see is his profile. The way he hangs his head, shoulders taut, is eloquent enough.
“A little,” he confesses quietly, voice more vulnerable than Aigis has ever heard it be. “I know we’ll make it. But… a part of me keeps thinking, what if something goes wrong? ” He shakes his head, as if disappointed at himself. “It’s stupid, isn’t it?”
“It’s not,” Aigis says, soft with understanding. She rises from the bed, slowly starting to make her way to him. Sitting at his desk and bathed by the green hues of the Dark Hour, Makoto looks almost ethereal. It makes her heart ache. “It’s okay to be afraid, Makoto-san. We all are.”
The ghost of a smile touches his lips, but there is no humor in it. “I’m supposed to be your Leader, though…”
“And you are. The best we could ask for,” she offers, earnestly. “But you’re also human, Makoto-san, and humans fear. None of us will think less of you for showing it.”
Some of the tension in his shoulders seems to ebb away, but Aigis knows he is not yet convinced. He can be surprisingly stubborn, that much she has learnt.
And she treasures it. It and everything that makes Makoto who he is.
The boy whose existence is irreplaceable to her, for so many reasons.
“I’m scared as well… However, no matter what might happen during tomorrow’s battle, there’s one thing I do know.”
Crouching by his side, Aigis gently reaches out and takes his hand in hers. When their gazes meet, she gives him a sincere smile that she hopes is reassuring. “I will be by your side. I won’t leave you on your own, no matter what. This, I can promise you.”
Something passes through Makoto’s eyes. An emotion Aigis lacks words to name, despite how often she has seen him look at her this way as of late.
“Thanks, Aigis,” he whispers, finally relaxing under her hold. Aigis’ smile broadens with relief.
“Anytime, Makoto-san.”
She is about to stand up when Makoto entwines his fingers with hers, holding her in place.
“Aigis… have you figured it out? Why you want to be with me so badly, I mean.”
His question isn’t new, but something about the way he says it makes her cheeks warm up.
In December, as she sat alone in the Kirijo Laboratory, Aigis thought long and hard about it. Remembering the truth about Death had provided the simple, logical answer.
She wanted to monitor him. To make sure Death would not awaken; to be there to deal with it if it did.
And yet—Death had left Makoto without Aigis even noticing. Despite this, the desire to be by his side never waned, never changed. At the contrary, it only seemed to become stronger with each passing moment she spent with him. That much is true, even now.
An illogical thought process that has given birth to an illogical emotion, or perhaps the other way around.
A human emotion.
Aigis knows it’s there. She can feel it beating inside her like the heart she lacks.
If only she knew its name...
“I think I’m… getting closer to the answer,” Aigis tells him after a moment of thought. “I’ve always referred to you as someone precious to me, but I think… that probably isn’t the correct way to express this feeling.”
Aigis expects Makoto to smile kindly at her; to reassure her that she will be able to figure it out. That he believes in her.
Instead, Makoto draws a shuddering breath.
“When you find it…”
He trails off, fingers squeezing her own. Aigis tilts her head to the side in wonderment. “When I find it…?”
He licks his lips, eyes darting away.
“I’ll tell you why… I need you by my side.”
APRIL 1st
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“We meet again… Aigis.”
Hearing his voice once more feels like deliverance. She can barely fight the tears blurring her sight.
But she has to. She must.
She has to take him in, while she still can.
“This is… a dream, isn’t it?”
Makoto’s eyes crinkle with amusement. “Who knows. But… I thought I heard someone say, strength of heart, when united—”
“—is barred by no door,” Aigis finishes, coming to stand before him. Makoto gives her a little nod, the look in his eyes encouraging. Spurred by his gentle light, Aigis continues, not fully registering the words until they have left her lips, “When I… embraced my emotions again, something became clear to me. You… never did leave me.”
Her voice breaks, but her smile is sincere. “I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, Makoto-san,”
Makoto shakes his head, gaze soft and impossibly proud. “It’s okay. I knew you'd find the Answer to Life, Aigis.”
“That… wasn’t the only answer I found.”
The reason why being by his side became more than just an order she had to obey. The reason why she wanted to protect him so badly. The reason why she wanted to be his strength.
Why he is so special to her.
It was so simple… how could I not have seen it before?
As she stands there before him, the feeling is so strong she fears her heart might burst.
Love.
“I love you, Makoto-san.”
His smile widens, and Aigis doesn’t need to ask to know the name of the emotion shining in his eyes. It echoes inside her, giving wings to her Papillon Heart.
The tears are falling now, but she makes no effort to stop them. “I’ve always, always loved you.”
Makoto reaches out to catch her tears with his thumb, caressing the soft skin underneath her eyelids. “...Yeah.”
She catches his hand in hers and nuzzles her cheek against his palm. “I always will. Through all eternity.”
Makoto takes a shuddering breath, like that night at his room, and leans his forehead against hers; eyes shutting close.
“...Same here.”
Aigis carves his warmth into her memory. Into her very soul.
“I will protect this fragile world, and I will protect all of our friends. You can rest at ease,” she reassures him with a thread of a voice.
“I know,” he says, and his voice sounds like unshed tears.
She can barely feel his touch anymore. She knows it's inevitable, but she still has to bite her lip to keep herself from sobbing.
“Don’t cry, Aigis,” he whispers, sounding far away. His fingertips graze the center of her ribbon, feather light. “I… will always be right here.”
'I’m leaving my heart with you.'
His body fades into hundreds of blue butterflies. They embrace her, gently caressing her cheeks and hair before disappearing into the unknown.
Aigis stares after them for a long time, a soothing feeling of peace enveloping her heart despite the hot tears still rolling down her cheeks.
I am… truly glad to have met you.
In the distance, she can hear her friends’ voices calling out to her.
She allows herself to linger for a moment longer, enjoying the left-over warmth of his presence. Then, Aigis wraps her hands across her ribbon and closes her eyes with a smile, letting consciousness wash over her.
Until we meet again… Makoto-san.
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End