Chapter Text
Lan Xichen was content. Most days he simply appreciated the value of life, and the importance of cultivation while maintaining the principles of his sect. He was sometimes even happy. But even now, so many years after losing Da-ge, and nearly a year after losing A-Yao, there were times he felt that the forces inside him, of missing them, of irrational anger and self-disgust, would tear him apart.
In particular, he was sometimes troubled by dreams of the past.
One night, in a hazy state between waking and sleeping, Lan Xichen simply remembered saying the word “red” earlier in the day and his mind drew him back to his most vivid memory of Nie Mingjue, the Worthy of the Red Blade. The memory of the first time Nie Mingjue’s hand had run across his chest in a way that was anything but comradely.
...
Lan Xichen shivered from head to toe as desire surged up inside him like a wave. The first time Nie Mingjue touched him this way, he was immediately frightened. He had learned all his life from his uncle that sexual desire led to nothing but misery and the corruption of the spirit. Though it would be a lie to say that he had never considered it, he had no idea it could be this powerful.
“M-…Mingjue-ge…” he whispered, halfheartedly attempting to raise his hands in protest, but not sure where to put them.
Nie Mingjue should still be recovering from the physical wounds he received from Wen Ruohan. Xichen was also certain there were even deeper emotional ones from Meng Yao, now Jin Guangyao. For these reasons as well as simply his usual unpredictable temper, Xichen hesitated to touch him, even to remove his hand from languidly stretching across his chest. Mingjue was clearly several more drinks in this evening than he usually was during dinner, and Xichen had no idea how to react to this behavior.
But Mingjue stopped at the slight fearful sound in Xichen’s voice. To Xichen’s surprise, he gently rested his cheek against Xichen’s shoulder as if for support. “I know it’s wrong,” said the normally terrifying demon of a man, the quality of his voice still harsh even when he spoke softly. “But what do I do, Xichen? I almost died never knowing what this felt like.”
“…’this’…?” Xichen repeated cautiously.
“You,” Mingjue clarified.
At this softly spoken word of the deep, rough bass in his ear, Xichen trembled. He suddenly felt overly hot. His hips began to ache slightly, especially in the front of his body. Of course, this only made him grow more fearful.
“M-Mingjue-ge!” he cried, not sure what else to do.
A shadow over his face. Heat, so close to his own skin. A ragged, deep breath in his ears, then brushing against his lips. Finally, like thunder crashing above his head, Xichen’s lips were claimed by another’s for the first time in his life.
“Mmm!” Xichen whimpered.
He should be an adult by now, but his reaction was like that of a prepubescent teenager. He could feel his whole body shaking as he moaned helplessly against Nie Mingjue’s lips, the added stimulation of which only made the powerful pleasure inside him grow even harder to resist. His lips tingled as if they would go numb, yet each new movement against them sparked more pleasure inside his whole body.
Mingjue’s hands had now grasped him around his waist, but were soon roaming up his back possessively. Flashes of pleasure pulsed up Xichen’s spine as his legs started to grow weak beneath him. He couldn’t control his breath. Moans slipped out of him almost every moment, until finally Mingjue released him with concern.
“Xichen…steady your breathing,” he said softly.
Xichen was shivering and clinging to him to remain standing, his breath coming in only panicked moans now. He could feel his mind growing dull from hyperventilation. Mingjue drew him close, resting his chin on Xichen’s shoulder and his palm flat and comforting against his back.
“Follow my breath.”
Air rumbled into Mingjue’s barrel-like chest, and Xichen felt it immediately against his own. He struggled, and managed to slowly copy the rhythm of the elder man’s breath. But he trembled as their bodies shared the same heat, Mingjue’s huge and steady heart thundering against his own. Worse, as soon as the panic faded, suddenly the pleasure magnified in a specific place of Xichen’s body that was now almost touching Mingjue’s.
“Nnnnhh!” he moaned desperately as his body awakened to sensations that he felt he never should have known. Did Mingjue think ill of him for being so lascivious?
“Shh,” Mingjue murmured in his ear. To Xichen’s torment, he placed a soft kiss against his cheek. “Don’t panic. I’m the same.”
He shifted his body and suddenly Xichen felt incredible heat and hardness against his own at the apex of their bodies. His fingers tightened over Mingjue’s powerful shoulders as he struggled to remain standing.
Mingjue sighed as he held him tighter to reassure him, but he broke away briefly to caress Xichen’s face, pushing his luxurious black hair behind his ear. “I’m sorry, Xichen. I know you must be disappointed. I’m disgusted with myself too.”
Despite his fear, Xichen immediately felt that was wrong. It was his fault for being so lustful, not Mingjue’s. “I…” he whispered in uncertainty. Mingjue looked at him with a concerned frown. “I am afraid…but I…am not disgusted.”
Mingjue’s dark and forbidding countenance intensified, but there was tenderness in his eyes as he clasped Xichen’s cheek in his palm. “How afraid?”
Xichen once again felt himself losing control of his breath as desire pumped through his blood. “I…I don’t…”
“You don’t what?”
Trembling from head to toe, Xichen looked up at Mingjue and breathed harshly against his lips. “…want to stop…!” he confessed, though utterly mortified.
But before he could even contemplate his own shame, powerful hands grasped his face on either side and held him helplessly still as another brutal kiss robbed him of sentient thought. His moans changed pitch as he instinctively shifted his hips away to hide the desire growing even stronger inside him. But moments later, Mingjue pressed him back against a wall, even running one hand behind the small of Xichen’s back and leaving utterly no gap between their bodies.
Xichen melted with desire and pleasure within moments of this passionate embrace with his closest friend. Mingjue’s large, powerful hands caressed his body so skillfully, seeming to find every weak point without the slightest effort.
“M-…Mingjue-ge!” Xichen gasped helplessly at a rare gap between their lips.
Mingjue paid him no heed as he began to kiss his way across Xichen’s cheek and then down to his neck. He grasped his body tighter than ever as he hungrily kissed, licked and even lightly bit into the skin of Xichen’s neck.
“Nnngh!” Xichen cried desperately, his pleasure only mounting even higher. “No…no…” he whispered, not even conscious of what he was saying anymore.
“Why do you say ‘no’?” Mingjue growled against his neck, sending shivers down Xichen’s spine.
“Ngh!” Xichen whimpered. “Mingjue-ge…”
Mingjue sighed slightly. He brought a hand up to cradle Xichen’s head comfortingly. “Xichen. I know I’m asking too much. So you only need to say the word, and I’ll stop. I don’t ever want to hurt you.”
There was no possibility that the straightforward and uncontrolled Nie Mingjue had said this in a calculating way. Yet he could hardly have been more successful at blasting away Xichen’s inhibitions if he had. Xichen unconsciously shifted his hips against the older man, inadvertently causing them both to gasp.
“Mingjue…-ge…” he murmured. His fingers tightened over his shoulders and he closed his eyes, resting his cheek against Mingjue’s collarbone.
Mingjue let out a shuddering breath. “Xichen…you’re not trying to rile me up, are you? Can you feel how much I want you already?” he asked, grasping the small of Xichen’s back and thrusting their hips together. Xichen let out a desperate moan. “I don’t care that it’s a hallway and my myrmidons might walk by any moment. I’d do you right here.”
“Nngh!” Xichen yelped. “N-no…not here…”
Mingjue’s grasp on him tightened. “In my room then?”
In spite of himself, Xichen had reached the limit of his resistance. He cautiously let his fingers roam over Mingjue’s shoulders, every inch of him alive with pleasure. His mouth was hungry for more stimulation, and he couldn’t stop from pressing a kiss to the corner of Mingjue’s sharp and masculine jaw. He met the elder man’s eyes and nodded softly.
Mingjue similarly didn’t seem to be able to stop from kissing him deeply once again, even though they were both desperate to be alone. Finally, after drinking his fill of Xichen’s breath and moans against his lips, he relented and grasped Xichen’s waist to hurriedly guide him back to his room.
Once there, the door had barely shut behind them before Mingjue began pawing at Xichen’s body, carelessly creating small tears all over his beautiful white clothing. Xichen could barely stand, having to concentrate on avoiding hyperventilating from excitement and still a degree of fear. But each stroke of Mingjue’s hands or lips sent more waves of pleasure through him, to such an extent that it began to be painful not to be touched directly.
With them both in such a state, it was not an easy task getting undressed. Even when Xichen managed the presence of mind to try to disrobe Mingjue, the larger man’s lust overpowered him and would send his conscious thought flying away on kisses to his lips and neck. But after working themselves into almost a frenzy of desire, they finally managed to collapse onto Mingjue’s bed, now free of obstruction between their bodies.
Mingjue pressed Xichen back against the bed, indulging in yet more deep kisses against his neck while he began to explore every inch of his body with his hands. Xichen’s gasps rose endlessly as pleasure vaulted through him. But suddenly, he noticed Mingjue stop in his delightful attentions.
While Xichen looked up at him with concern, he saw Mingjue insert two fingers deep into his own mouth. He kept them there until they were thoroughly wet. Just as Xichen was starting to wonder why he was doing this, Mingjue removed his fingers from his mouth and slid them between Xichen’s legs.
“Ah!” Xichen gasped in shock at feeling the warm, moist touch against an area he thought no human being should ever touch. “M-Mingjue-ge!”
“I’ll stop any time if you don’t like it,” Mingjue’s deep voice rumbled against Xichen’s neck. Xichen clung to his iron-like body and shivered helplessly, not knowing what to do. “And I won’t do anything more than this tonight. I only want to give you pleasure, Xichen.”
“Eh…?” Xichen mumbled, still at a loss about what was happening. After massaging his tight entrance until the muscles started to give way to him, Mingjue managed to slip one finger inside. “NGH!” Xichen yelped.
Mingjue immediately turned and comfortingly kissed his cheek several times without moving any further. Apart from anything else, Xichen’s body began to ache with pleasant feelings to discover how tender Mingjue could be at a time like this.
“There’s a spot, inside you,” Mingjue murmured in his tantalizing bass. “Made only for pleasure.” He slid his finger carefully further in. “I want to show you. Can I?”
Xichen could no longer speak. Precisely because of how much desire was flooding through him, the mortification was overwhelming. He couldn’t agree. But neither could he bear it if Mingjue stopped now. Helplessly, he tightly wrapped his arms around his closest confidant and let out a soft moan which could be mistaken for a ‘mn’ of agreement.
Either way, Mingjue seemed to be struggling to control his own breathing at feeling Xichen enthusiastically cling to him. He resumed kissing his neck as he gently drove his finger deeper. The intrusion felt strange at first, and Xichen had difficulty believing that such a spot existed. Honestly, it felt good simply to receive such tender attention from Nie Mingjue, so no matter the case he couldn’t bear to stop. But then, with just the slightest pressure upward, Mingjue’s finger did something incredible to Xichen.
“Nhgah!” Xichen cried out, his back arching in shock.
After the slightest touch, an explosion of pleasure had shot through him. It was still ringing throughout his whole body even now. His mouth fell open with shock and he froze, not knowing how to react and instantly growing fearful of feeling it again. But only moments later, his fears were realized.
“Aaahhh!” he cried as Mingjue’s finger pressed hard on that spot again.
To Xichen’s shame, he could feel his cock was so hard it was painful, already beginning to drip a steady stream of precum onto his own stomach. Mingjue seemed to notice, but he did not comment on it. Instead he laid a steady stream of kisses down Xichen’s neck and chest, even sucking down on each of his nipples in turn. Xichen didn’t even know men could feel pleasure from that, but currently he felt delirious with it.
“Does it feel good?” Mingjue’s low voice inquired against his chest.
“Y-yes!” Xichen gasped, though flushed with shame.
“Good…then you cum whenever you like,” Mingjue told him, immediately resuming his torturous attacks with lips, teeth and fingers.
Xichen brought his arms up to shield his face in desperation as intense pleasure flooded through him, growing every second. Mingjue’s finger was thrusting rhythmically up against that spot, and Xichen couldn’t help shifting his hips to match the sensation. Feeling nervous again and wanting more kisses, he grasped Mingjue’s shoulder and hair, pulling gently up.
Mingjue glanced up as he realized what he wanted, and willingly mounted his body fully over Xichen’s again. Without stopping the movements of his finger, he grasped Xichen’s cheek with his other hand and placed possessive kisses down his cheek and neck, and then finally gave him what he wanted. He gave Xichen another shock when, after passionately kissing him until he could barely think, he slipped his long tongue inside his mouth.
Xichen yelped, but suddenly discovered that the inside of his mouth was incredibly sensitive and gave him almost as much pleasure as Mingjue’s finger inside him. He was so close to cumming already.
At that moment, Mingjue grunted with desire and briefly broke away in order to grasp one of Xichen’s legs, and then the other, pressing them up so that he could rest his hips against Xichen’s while still keeping his finger inside him. With the new stimulation of feeling Mingjue’s incredibly hard and even heavy cock sliding against his own, Xichen could barely breathe. He didn’t even realize himself as his fingers left deep scratch marks across Mingjue’s back, an action which unknowingly drove up the other man’s pleasure even more.
“Xichen,” Mingjue grunted desperately. “Xichen…” He grasped him tightly and deeply kissed him before whispering, “Cum.”
With several sharp thrusts of Mingjue’s finger, Xichen’s pleasure peaked. He let out a long, shuddering moan which was quickly swallowed inside Mingjue’s mouth. His whole body twitched. Aching pleasure shot through his lower half, springing from the spot Mingjue’s finger was attacking and reaching release from his cock bouncing lightly against his stomach as it shot across his own chest.
Mingjue passionately grasped his hair and seemed to savor the pleasure running across Xichen’s body. He nuzzled his cheek and eventually stroked his hair to help him come down from the overpowering sensations. Xichen whimpered and clung to him, unable to voice it but realizing quickly that he wasn’t satisfied by only cumming once.
When it seemed as if Mingjue might already be satisfied just by this, even though Xichen could clearly see he was painfully hard and hadn’t cum, he swallowed and prepared to do something that would likely make him hate himself a little. He lightly pushed Mingjue’s shoulder, intending to get him to lie back on the bed so he could begin to return the favor.
But he got a shock when Mingjue’s expression froze at the light touch of Xichen pushing him away. His eyes sank down, despair creeping across his normally unforgiving face. Slowly, the larger man shifted back away from him, turning and sitting at the edge of the bed.
Mingjue didn’t speak for some time. Xichen felt a flash of fear that perhaps he had become disappointed in him, that it wasn’t as he expected. He noticed with a shock of guilt the marks that he had left in Mingjue’s powerful back. Just as he was summoning up his courage to ask what was wrong, Mingjue’s head lowered slightly.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, in the softest voice Xichen had ever heard from him. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I should never have forced you to…” After a shaking outward breath, he clasped a hand over his eyes in shame. “Of course…of course you wouldn’t want this…I’m such a fool…”
Xichen gasped as he realized Mingjue had misunderstood. He gathered his courage for a different reason this time, realizing his shame would only hurt someone who merely shared his own feelings, and who thought of him so preciously. He shifted behind Mingjue and cautiously, with shaking hands, wrapped the larger man in his arms.
Mingjue froze at his touch, uncertain.
“That’s not it, Mingjue-ge,” Xichen murmured softly against his shoulder. “I am ashamed…confused, unsure…but I had no idea how much I craved your touch until I felt it. In gratitude for your courage…let me do something for you.”
While Mingjue was still in a state of shock, Xichen slipped down from the bed to kneel in front of him. In this posture, Mingjue’s continued enthusiasm was obvious, and Xichen was ashamed to admit just looking at it made his mouth water. Even though his eyes were tinged with tears of frustration, overwhelmed by all the things happening to him at this moment, he cautiously approached and kissed the tip of Mingjue’s cock.
“Ngh,” Mingjue grunted, immediately grasping Xichen’s shoulders and lightly pushing him back. “Don’t…I already have so little control…”
Xichen shuddered at the thought that Mingjue was still holding back. He felt a thrill as he wondered what it would feel like to be on the receiving end of the full force of Mingjue’s passion. With this thought, and in spite of his continued shame, he slowly wrapped his lips around the head of Mingjue’s cock, tasting it cautiously as he attempted to give him some of the pleasure he had received.
Mingjue’s breath came in hard pants, each one of which sent a cascade of pleasure down Xichen’s spine. As soon as he got used to the taste and unusual sensation, he was forced to remember how much pleasure he felt from the inside of his mouth. It caused him to moan softly as he grew more and more enthusiastic about swallowing Mingjue’s cock. Soon his saliva was dripping down the achingly hard and quickly reddening length.
“Agh…Xichen!” Mingjue grunted in desperation.
Xichen gurgled softly as Mingjue’s hands wrapped tightly around his head, keeping it in place as he thrust his hips against him. If possible, the feeling of being so passionately wanted by Mingjue, in addition to the lessening of his shame by being the receiver rather than giver, only increased Xichen’s pleasure despite the fear and discomfort.
Mingjue was enormous, easily filling him all the way to the back of his throat with each thrust. It was painfully difficult to breathe, and Xichen even feared he would throw up. Despite all of this, and despite his own dreadful embarrassment, Xichen was feeling so much pleasure just from his mouth that he felt he might cum again just from this.
Finally, Mingjue’s fingers tightened in his hair and he let out one last masculine grunt, before he dragged his cock from Xichen’s mouth, staining his pristine face with cum.
Even as Xichen was shaking with pleasure, thinking it was over, Mingjue pulled him up and tossed him back on the bed, ravaging him with kisses as he stroked himself, still cumming onto Xichen’s stomach for another precious few seconds. Xichen shuddered as the sensation made him even more hungry, but he couldn’t bear to ask to continue. He merely indulged in Nie Mingjue’s gradually lingering kisses as his orgasm slowly subsided.
“Xichen,” Mingjue whispered against his lips. His breath was shaking as he continued with difficulty, “It’s so hard to stop…”
Xichen moaned softly just a these words. He wrapped his arms around Mingjue’s neck. “Mingjue-ge…” he managed against his lips, but was similarly reluctant to stop kissing even to speak. “M-…me too…”
At this, Mingjue did stop. “Really?”
Xichen shuddered in shame, unable to answer.
Mingjue’s expression grew dark again. “…you’re just being polite, aren’t you?”
Xichen shook his head quickly. He bit his lip in anguish but eventually managed, “I’m ashamed. I don’t want anyone to see me like this.”
Mingjue seemed doubtful, but he nodded slightly. “I should have put out the candles first,” he muttered irritably to himself. “You can blindfold me, if you like. Or if that won’t satisfy you, you can stab out both my eyes. If it were you, I’m sure I wouldn’t mind.”
Xichen shivered as it sounded like he wasn’t kidding. Knowing Mingjue, he probably wasn’t. He opened his mouth but wasn’t sure how to respond.
Mingjue closed his eyes with a sigh. “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything. Forget everything from tonight. I’ll take you back to your room, and it’ll be as if nothing happened.”
As Mingjue rose to gather their clothes, Xichen’s hand clasped around his arm to stop him. The larger man looked back in surprise but obediently sat back down beside him. Xichen swallowed hard as he prepared to say something shameful.
He sat up behind Mingjue and pressed a hand affectionately to the back of his neck, then rested his forehead there beside it. At least in this position Mingjue couldn’t see him. With shaking breath, he whispered against his skin, “Don’t say it didn’t happen. And…don’t go.”
Mingjue’s heavy breath halted. He cautiously turned his head to see just Xichen’s legs below the knee from this angle. Even this made Xichen curl up under his gaze, and Mingjue finally understood. He let out a heavy sigh, then wordlessly reached back to grasp Xichen’s other hand, which had been curled up over his knee.
“If you stay…I’ll want to do more things to you,” Mingjue told him.
Xichen’s breath heightened. He closed his eyes as he turned his head to rest his cheek against Mingjue’s warm and broad back. He nodded.
That seemed to snap Mingjue’s last thread of resistance. After taking in a few heavy breaths, he whirled and wrapped his arms around Xichen, burying his face in his neck. Xichen moaned but willingly allowed Mingjue to push him back into bed.
Though they did little more that night than they had already done, Xichen could not help wondering what it would feel like to be taken by Mingjue completely. He also couldn’t bear to tell him at the time that, although Mingjue was his first kiss and truly the first person to approach him this way, there was someone else who had occupied Xichen’s thoughts for some time now. It was someone who would undoubtedly break Mingjue’s heart if he knew. But little did he know, the three would all soon find a very pleasant arrangement they could all appreciate.
…
Xichen woke with a start, panting with desire, sadness, frustration and despair. The stark light in his bedroom at night always seemed to painfully empty after one of these dreams. He quickly reached out, as had become a habit these days, for the warm body who now more often than not shared his bed.
Jiang Cheng stirred to feel Xichen’s shaking grasp on his shoulder. Without even fully waking up, he turned over to face him and gathered Xichen’s larger body securely in his arms. “Nh…Xichen…I’m here,” he mumbled sleepily.
Warmth filled up Xichen’s heart at his words, his body heat, and the feeling of being wrapped in Jiang Cheng’s arms. Some nights were harder than others. But that night, he was able to return to a dreamless sleep, finally feeling he would not have to fear being alone again.