Chapter Text
Sara entered the room. She was lovely as ever, beautiful in a deep purple sweater with the silver necklace he’d gotten her on their one year anniversary. She looked the perfect angel as long as one didn’t pay too much attention to the misting of her eyes or the redness of her cheeks.
Shane almost didn’t notice her walk in. He was fiddling with the IV coming from his right arm, the left too damaged to find a usable vein. She sat by his bedside and took a deep breath.
“How are you feeling?”
Her hand was cold against his own. So cold it burned. He didn’t really feel like speaking. There was a tightness in his throat he couldn’t explain. Maybe she’d leave if he was quiet long enough.
“The doctors say you’ll be able to leave the ICU in a few days. We’ll be able to get you set up in a real room. Much nicer than this one. Then of course we can talk about skin grafts.”
He stopped fiddling with the IV. Maybe if he was perfectly still she’d think he was dead and leave him alone. There was always a chance.
“Or.. or we don’t have to do skin grafts. If.. well, I think you’d be much happier if you didn’t have any reminders of... well... everything.”
Everything. How specific.
“You know Shane, however you’re feeling, you can talk to me about it. I’m here for you. You know that right?”
I’m here for you. The words sounded wrong rolling off her tongue. It was supposed to be the other way around. He was supposed to be here for her. If she was here for him then who was left to be here for her?
Sara shifted her hand higher up his arm. It hurt. Why didn’t she understand that? Couldn't she feel the burning?
“I know my friendship with him wasn’t the same as yours, but I cared about him too. This is going to be hard for both of us.”
That got his attention.
“What?”
She seemed to be relieved to hear him speak. He thought she’d talked to the doctors. She had to know there was nothing wrong with his tongue or mouth or throat. Nothing except the smoke inhalation but, while it made him sound like a sixty-year-old chain smoker, it didn’t really impede his ability to speak.
“I know you probably don’t want to deal with this right now but Mari... She really isn’t in the best place and-and you knew him best anyway...”
“Knew who best?”
Now it was her turn to look confused. No, wait, not confused, disappointed. He hoped it wasn’t him she was disappointed in.
“Knew... Ryan best.”
It seemed to visibly pain her to say the words. He felt like maybe it should have pained him too. Like maybe it did but he was too numb to realize it. After all, there was currently what could only be described as a shit ton of morphine running through his veins.
“...you mean knows Ryan best.”
Her hand tightened on his arm and the burning increased tenfold. It was all he could do not to jerk away.
“Shane.. you have to... they said they’d told you.”
“Told me what?”
She gasped slightly and brought her hands to her chest. With the removal of her hand, the burning ceased. Had her touch always been like that? Certainly he wouldn’t have moved in with her if it had.
“Ryan is... he’s uh... He didn’t make it.”
“Oh.. right.”
It must have been the right thing to say for Sara seemed to relax. However, Shane couldn’t help but laugh.
“Riiiiiiight, Ryan Bergara died in a house fire.”
She seemed very concerned about his laughter. Maybe she was right to be, for he was discovering it was very difficult to breathe and laugh at the same time. At least the searing pain in his lungs distracted from the feel of her hand back on his arm.
“Shane...”
“So you’ve found a body, then.”
“No..... no, Shane, there is no body. The fire was too hot in Ryan’s part of the house. His body... his body is... is unrecoverable.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle again.
“He’s not dead Sara, he’s just waiting for a safe moment to reappear. There are things are after him, you know.”
She was silent for a moment. Good. He liked the silence. Ryan had once told him that silence was less dangerous than noise. Or maybe it was more. He was having a hard time remembering at the moment.
“Shane...I have to go, Mari really shouldn’t be alone right now. Plus I have to film this diary thing for BuzzfeedViolet; I’m not supposed to be taking so much time off work anymore. I’ll try to be back soon. If you need anything, just call. I mean it, Shane, I can be here at a moment’s notice.”
He nodded.
She left.
Good.
That was good.
Everything was good.
---
It was three days before she returned. He had been moved into a different room. A larger one, with soft leather armchairs and a large window. He could feel the sunlight on his face. It was nice. He wanted more of it. He thought they probably would’ve let him go outside for a bit if he asked. He didn’t ask.
Sara was carrying a to-go container in one arm. He hoped it was something good. The hospital food was... well, hospital food.
She smiled when she saw that he was awake. It was good to see her smile.
“How’s the diary?”
She squinted at him and cocked her head.
“What?”
“The other day, you said you had to film a video about a diary.”
She sat down in the armchair, food positioned on her lap. Her posture was stiff. She looked like she’d rather be somewhere else. Somewhere other than the too-clean, too-cold, too-loud, too-much, hospital room.
That made two of them.
“Right.”
Maybe he’d gotten it wrong. Maybe it wasn’t about a diary.
There was a brief pause. A moment neither of them knew the right way to fill. Then she held out the container to him. The cardboard was dented slightly. He opened it to find a few pieces of shrimp on a bed of wilted lettuce.
“I know it’s probably not what you want”
He’d always been impressed by her intelligence.
“But you have to be really careful about what you eat right now.”
He nodded. The shrimp wasn’t so bad. Neither was the lettuce. It all tasted the same. It all tasted like nothing. No, not nothing. It tasted faintly like ash and smoke. He wondered if that’s what the chefs intended.
She began to tell him about her last few days. Filming, and meetings, and just enough sleep to keep her going. Checking up on Mari. He wants to say something then. Something about how Mari might feel a lot better if she knew the truth. If she knew that Ryan wasn’t really dead.
He’s just biding his time.
He’ll be back soon.
Really, he will.
She mentioned that she had been to visit him once or twice but that he’d been asleep. He’d been sleeping a lot. He was afraid to do much else. At least not until Ryan was there to remind him where the monsters were.
He found himself drifting off as she spoke. He hoped she wouldn’t be mad that he fell asleep in the middle of her conversation. It wasn’t that she was boring him. It was just nice to have someone else there with him. Someone else to keep watch for a while.
Your turn, Soldier.
She wasn’t there when he woke up.