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As much as she did not want to admit it, Zuko was right. Aang did need time to sort his moral crisis out by himself because if he was unwilling to listen to what his friends – his family – had to say, the only other person to consult was himself. And all of the past lives of the Avatar spirit. Katara did not have to like it though. Watching one of the people closest to her march away with contempt for her was painful. The comforting hand that Zuko had laid on her shoulder slipped away too soon and she felt a pang of despondency at the situation.
“I guess I’ll just…clean the dishes for whoever is done with dinner,” she stated unenthusiastically.
No one said anything, and when Katara turned towards them, everyone but Zuko was staring at the floor wordlessly.
“Or not.”
Katara sighed and headed to where Aang’s plate of food and cup of water lay abandoned. The only sign that it had been touched was a tiny bit of missing rice. She picked his dinner and drink up and began walking to the hallway where the rooms were located. When he came back from wherever he vanished to, Aang would likely be hungry and thirsty. After placing the meal by his door, Katara fiddled with one of her wrist cuffs. The urge to look for him after being left behind again was arduous to suppress.
Returning to the courtyard where all her friends would be agitatedly whispering about him and what would happen the next day was too much for her. Without taking much thought as to where she was going, Katara began walking outside. The time was just at twilight – remnants of the colorful sunset still remained and were blended with blue and gray. Darkness had not totally fallen, but it was not light out either.
It’s kind of like we are right now – on the edge of complete darkness, but not quite there yet.
The salty scent of the ocean steadily increased as Katara realized that she was walking toward the beach. Perhaps practicing some of her bending forms would help relieve some of her stress. The waterbender slipped off her shoes and wrist cuffs, taking a moment to stretch before beginning one of the more basic forms of waterbending.
Inhaling deeply, Katara began the motions slowly, trying to focus on nothing but her element and the movements that guided it. She easily drew a sphere of water from the ocean and continued the form. Her mind drifted to how Aang defended the monstrous excuse of a man who planned to wipe out the Earth Kingdom. As a result, her movements lost their fluidity and the large globule of seawater splattered on the ground and her feet.
“Ugh!” Katara kicked the sand pettily before smoothly bending her element off of her feet and flinging it in an arc around her, turning around with the motion. Upon seeing a familiar figure leap out of the way, she gasped and redirected it to the side. “Zuko?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he apologized.
“It’s fine, just…what are you doing here?” she asked
“I wanted you to know you’re not alone.” Zuko looked at her with a concerned expression. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I…I guess it can’t hurt,” Katara admitted.
She patted the sand next to her and they both lowered themselves to the ground. Zuko seemed to content to sit with her in silence, allowing her to gather her thoughts without pressure. A few minutes passed before she spoke.
“My dad left us a few years ago to fight in the war,” Katara started. “I understood why, but it always hurt me anyway when he left. When we reunited after the battle under Ba Sing Se, I was still mad at him without even knowing it. I didn’t realize I was angry until Aang took off and left all of us. It wasn’t the first time he had done that; Aang has run away several times. I thought he would get past that eventually, but he hasn’t. And it still hurts every time he takes off, even if I know he’ll come back. And now with the comet coming so soon and him not being sure what he’ll do with Ozai –” Katara cringed, realizing how casually she had brought up Zuko’s father. “…sorry. I didn’t mean to bring him up.”
“It’s okay, keep going,” Zuko assured her.
“I’m tired of Aang running off. I’m tired of being left, first by my mother, then my dad, and now my friend. I know my mother had no choice, and my dad was trying to be brave, but whenever Aang leaves, it’s because he’s running away from a problem even when he has people to help him.” Katara idly traced her finger through the sand, wondering if it was worth it to mention her other issue. Zuko had not judged her at all so far – he even saw her bloodbend someone and never treated her differently for it. Why not tell him? “And there’s another thing. Aang…he’s kissed me, twice now. He never even asked me if I was okay with it. And the other night he told me that he thought we would be together now because we kissed at the invasion. There was no we, there was just him! And I know he’s liked me for a while now, but I thought if I just pretended not to that he would move on and he hasn’t and I can’t break his heart because he’s the Avatar and the world needs him and if I hurt him then –” As Katara had rushed through her words, tears had built up in her eyes and a sob had built up in her throat. She stopped trying to hold the sob back as water rained on her cheeks.
Across from her, Zuko watched, frozen, as his eyes stretched wide. He knew that Katara had been distressed over Aang’s departure but he had no idea how many emotional burdens had been lying beneath the surface. Of course, he was certain that Katara had some things she kept to herself, but the second issue with Aang in particular was unexpected to say the least. And even though Zuko had never asked, he should have considered the fact that Katara had been left behind by other people too. But she had never brought it up and he had not wanted to push her into talking about anything she did not want to. Here she was though, vulnerable and sobbing in front of him.
In his life, Zuko had very, very little experience with crying. When he was a child, he had occasionally cried privately when Azula hurt him and after his mother vanished. There was even a single time after his father scarred and banished him that he cried. But he had never comforted anyone else crying or cried in front of anyone himself. He was not sure he had ever seen someone he personally knew cry.
What would Uncle say? Well, he certainly would not commend Zuko on sitting still and watching Katara weep in front of him without doing anything at all. Maybe the words would come intuitively if he hugged her. Hugging her would not be weird. At all. Katara had fully flung herself into a hug with him on one of the docks and the hugging motion had come to him instinctually after he recovered from shock. And she hugged other people in the group frequently. Yes, hugging was definitely the best option here even though Zuko could not recall a single time he had ever initiated one on his own.
Cautiously, Zuko scooted next to Katara and gently raised an arm around her back and placed his hand on her opposite arm. This encouraged her to unhesitatingly lean into him and cry into his chest. He wound his other arm around her and caressed his hand up and down her back soothingly. Katara’s sobs increased. Zuko longed for his uncle’s advice at that moment more than he ever had in his life. Was he supposed to stay like this or did she want space?
Prince Zuko, has she ever not made what she wanted clear? She will tell you if she wants you to leave.
The impression of his uncle speaking to him in his head both concerned and relieved him. For one thing, it was comforting to know that there was some residual wisdom from Uncle lingering in his brain. Another brief thought was that Zuko was losing his mind.
You can think about that later.
Comforting turned out to be less complicated than Zuko had thought. Katara seemed to just want someone to hold her and not leave. Maintaining an embrace gradually felt more natural than forced as minutes passed. As long as he was somehow helping her, Zuko did not particularly care if he was doing the comforting thing right. His uncle would likely chide him for something but ultimately tell him that he had done well.
When Katara tilted back, she did not release him. She just attempted to look him in the eyes but seemed to not be able to do it. Zuko fixed his eyes on the sand beside them, unsure what to say. The more he pondered her words, the more troubling they became. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many feelings and thoughts he now harbored against people he had respected. After returning to the Western Air Temple with Hakoda, Katara had yelled “Dad!” with so much emotion and run to him with so much joy on her face. Zuko never would have guessed that she had ever felt that much contempt for her father or that he would have left an invisible scar on her, however unintentional. It was different from when his father seared his abhorrence onto Zuko and sent him away. It was different from when he was a child and Uncle was overseas, conquering Earth Kingdom territories and laying siege to its capital. Zuko was not sure if he would ever understand what that must have felt like for Katara.
A vociferous voice in him was clamoring for Zuko to acknowledge the kinship that had sprung from Katara’s mention of her mother. But she was hurting more from the actions of Aang right now and needed someone to help her deal with that, not compare memories that were not at the forefront of her distress. With no small amount of effort, Zuko hushed the part of him that longed to speak of their mothers.
“I’m sorry,” Katara whispered, severing him from his introspection.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I think I got a booger on your shirt.”
“Oh, it’s –”
“Let me…hang on.” Katara grimaced and wiped it off before frantically scrubbing it in the sand. She then bent the dampness that her tears had left out of his shirt and wiped her fingers on her skirt. Embarrassment superseded her desire to talk. She had just wept into his shirt and accidentally smeared snot on him and Zuko was likely not mentioning it because he felt sorry for her, not because it did not disgust him.
“Hey Katara, it’s okay. I don’t mind the…um, you can cry in a hug – I mean everything is fine! You can talk or cry or…whatever you want.” His cheeks were flushed. “I’m here for you either way.”
Promptly after hearing this, Katara burst into tears. Zuko blanched. She felt painfully aware of the mixed signals she was likely sending him at the moment but could not stop sobbing despite attempting to.
“I’m sorry, I – do you want me to go? I can get Sokka or Suki, or…” Zuko cringed. He was horrible at this.
“No!” Katara blurted, leaning into him again. “I’m sorry, I just – please don’t leave.”
“Hey, I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to,” he murmured, rubbing her back soothingly.
“It’s just that no one…no one understands. Sometimes I feel like no one cares. And Aang is like my little brother but I hate to disappoint him so I lied and said I was confused because if I said I saw him that way he would have reacted even worse. And Sokka never seems to be bothered when Aang runs away or when Dad left and he never wanted to talk about Mom and sometimes I wonder if he secretly blames me for her dying but he would never tell me even if he did and I just don’t know what to do.” Katara sniffled after her outburst and tried to breath. Her throat felt as if it were closing up and it ached badly.
Zuko impulsively tightened the hug. He wished there was a way to solve all her problems and erase the guilt on her conscience, but there was no magical solution for that so he did his best to gather his thoughts.
“I may not have experienced exactly what you’re going through with Aang, but I do know that you can’t force yourself to have feelings for someone. I’ve tried and it never worked and we both ended up unhappy. And if Aang truly cares about you, he’ll learn to get past that. He’s still a kid and has a lot of growing up to do. You’re not responsible for his happiness. You can find just as much happiness with family and friends, maybe more, as you can with a significant other,” he stated. Well, rambled. Zuko had done it plenty of times and people had listened to him anyway so it could not be that bad to hear what he had to say. “If he thinks you’re ready for a relationship after kissing you two times without even asking how you felt, then he’s not mature enough to have a girlfriend. And that’s not your fault. After all this is over, you should tell him how you feel. It’s better than stringing him along and trying to force yourself to be happy with him; he’s not nearly as mature as you and needs to grow up.” He paused. “Sorry for repeating myself.”
“It’s okay.”
“And another thing you should know is that Sokka would never blame you for what happened to your mother. He loves you, Katara. Even if he doesn’t show it very well, I can see how much he cares for you. And if it bothers you that much, ask him. He can take it,” Zuko told her.
“You really think so?” Katara’s voice was so timid. It was unlike her.
“I know so.” He almost added that he was a big brother too, but Katara and Sokkas’ bond as siblings was far stronger than his and Azulas’ ever had been.
“Thank you, Zuko,” she whispered. “I needed to hear that.”
“Anytime.”
“You know, you’re pretty wise for a teenager,” she teased.
He snorted. “Sure.”
“Well, you’re a lot wiser than Sokka.”
“Almost everyone is wiser than him.”
“You’re not wrong.” Katara giggled and leaned back. Zuko reluctantly let go. “But Zuko, really, thank you. I haven’t had someone to talk to like this since…ever.”
The heat creeping up his face was almost as bad as his inability to stop a smile at Katara’s words. Zuko had never felt this appreciated by someone his age before.
“You can talk to me whenever you want,” he assured her, flustered.
“Thank you. And you can talk to me whenever you want as well,” she replied, glancing away shyly.
A sudden weight on his shoulder caused Zuko to tense and train his eyes on Katara leaning on him again. “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” he responded.
Katara released a breath of contentment when he wrapped an arm around her. Zuko was as warm as his words and she never felt more certain that him being on the beach with her was exactly where they both were supposed to be.
List of Zutara Month 2 prompts here