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They say that heartbreak comes slowly at first, that it continues to crescendo and finally hits you like a wave, crashing over your head and making you lose all sense of direction.
And he saw it coming, of course he did. All the way back at the horizon, threatening and ever-growing, rushing towards him with alarming speed. But what was he to do, more than prepare himself to be washed away?
It started in the winter, while filling out college applications. Writing his name, his grades and the interests he had made up to make himself look more interesting dozens of times, in the hope that someone thought he was good enough. Chicago, LA, New York City – all those places seemed unbelievably far away, a completely different universe to the small town he had grown to tolerate over the years.
New York was never the issue, though. It was going there alone. Minseok knew that moving meant leaving his old life behind, not believing in dwelling in the past. But that also would mean leaving the one person that made the last two years ever so sweet behind, his light in the darkness of a backwoods town without any real opportunities.
There was no way Baekhyun would ever come with him to New York, no matter the memories the two had together. The obligation of his family’s business tied him down securely, and he was content with that.
And of course they had talked about it, about trying to go long distance, attempting a relationship consisting of skype calls, late night text messages and cross-country flights. But what were the chances of high-school sweethearts actually standing the test of time?
For now, they were enjoying the breeze coming in through the open windows of Minseok’s beat-up little car, the taste of objectively sub-par gas station coffee, the sounds of a random playlist over the tinny speakers and each other’s company.
“Oh my god, could you at least try to pay attention to the road?”
“Not when you’re looking that pretty.”, Baekhyun grinned back, but snapping his eyes to focus on the empty highway again.
Minseok only snorted at that, fiddling with the air conditioning before his phone chimed with a notification. The subject of the email read ‘Update: Your Application’ , but he swiped the notification away.
One more week until graduation, but this weekend was just for them, and they were shutting the rest of the world out. It seemed like time was merely a suggestion now, eating breakfast at 2am in a diner that surely had seen better days and sleeping during the heat of the afternoon.
Sure, the car was by no means comfortable, but did that really matter? Not to them, not now.
“Oh, there’s a rest stop! Let’s take a break here, I’ll continue driving after.”, Minseok suggested, pointing at a sign that had already disappeared behind them.
Once they had stopped, Minseok pulled his boyfriend in for a kiss, bodies twisting to meet over the center console. A small sigh escaped his lips as he reached up to cup Baekhyun’s face, gliding his thumb over his cheeks slowly. The bitterness of the coffee mixed with the sweetness of the strawberry chapstick Baekhyun used religiously.
A hand started to make its way up Minseok’s shirt, but he pulled away. His boyfriend pouted, but Minseok just let out a little chuckle.
“I think that’s a 7/11, let’s go get some slurpees and then we’ll switch seats.”
With a small grumble, Baekhyun opened his door and got out of the car, proceeding to stretch his back. His t-shirt, an old souvenir from a martial arts competition, rode up to reveal the little hairs growing on his lower stomach. Minseok’s eyes went there immediately, but he tore his gaze away and fumbled with the car door instead.
They couldn’t ignore reality forever, and when Minseok stood on the stage with all of his classmates, staring into the sea of random family members of people he was sure he was going to forget in just a few years’ time, the metaphorical wave was no longer far away at the horizon.
Afterwards, they were laying in the garden Minseok’s mother so meticulously cared for, eating sugary sweet snacks, giggling while drinking the soju they had stolen from his parents’ fridge. It was still a few months until he had to leave to move into his dorm, but Baekhyun would start working full time in just a few days.
In that moment, under the stars, everything seemed to be okay for a few hours again. With their hands intertwined, they were pointing out constellations that they had just made up seconds ago and getting excited at every satellite they mistook for a shooting star.
But of course that couldn’t last forever, and before he knew it, Minseok was standing in the enormous hall of an airport, surrounded by his family and the few friends he had made. And although he had promised himself not to cry, he could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself that this was a good change, that the big city meant new opportunities and new perspectives, his heart still ached.
And Baekhyun, who normally was so chatty that it could border on becoming annoying, wasn’t saying a word. He was just standing there, holding one of Minseok’s bags and looking off into the distance, tears visible in his eyes.
Once his mom had let Minseok go from a hug that felt like it had lasted 5 hours, he made his way over to Baekhyun, raising his hand to swipe away a tear that had started to roll down his boyfriend’s face. They stared into each other’s eyes for a while, neither breaking the silence that felt all-consuming.
Finally, Baekhyun pulled him into an embrace, snaking his arms around him and holding so tight that Minseok momentarily feared for his lungs.
“Don’t forget me, okay?” he whispered, but Minseok found himself unable to speak.
The plane ride was supposed to be exciting, his journey to a new life and new experiences, but the only thing he felt was his heart being torn apart, himself drifting away. It wasn’t the end of the world, surely, but for just a few moments, it sure felt like it.