Archive of Our Own

Dear Lan Zhan

Have you missed me? I’ve missed you. I’m sorry that I haven’t written as much as I said I would, but I thought it would be easier than it has been to send letters. It turns out that places where no one knows me are also places where they mainly have only local post deliveries.
I won’t go into too much detail, but something happened and I’ve been cursed. I’m not sure exactly what the curse does so I was hoping that you wouldn’t mind me coming to visit you. That way I get to see you and can hopefully also use your library to find out what the curse is doing. Don’t worry about me because so far it doesn’t seem to be doing anything except causing a mark on my arm.
It should take me about two weeks to reach you from the date of this letter. I hope it arrives before I do!

Wei Wuxian

Wei Wuxian looked out over the edge of the cliff and pulled out Chenqing, twirling it in his fingers. The view was breathtaking. He was only hours from Cloud Recesses, which meant that before the day was done he would be with Lan Wangji, able to see his handsome face. Wei Wuxian smiled, bringing Chenqing to his lips and playing the familiar strains of their song. He had played it so many times, but this felt different. Special. Inspired by the beautiful landscape laid out below him, he let the music flow out into the air and imagined how wonderful it would feel to play it with Lan Wangji again.

Lost in the music, the voice from behind him was a complete surprise.

“Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian paused his playing. Surely he had imagined it… wishful thinking and the song. He turned round and couldn’t help the smile that broke over his face as he saw Lan Wangji standing there, looking just as breathtaking as he remembered.

“Lan Zhan,” He finally said. “You came to meet me?”

“Mn,” Lan Wangji replied. Wei Wuxian could see the slight smile on Lan Wangji’s face. He finally started to walk towards him.

“You missed me that much, eh, Lan Zhan? So much you had to come find me early?” Wei Wuxian teased, feeling pleased and happy.

“I missed you,” Lan Wangji agreed. Wei Wuxian felt his whole body flush with a joyful buzzing. He skipped forward the last few steps to Lan Wangji and flung his arms around around him, pulling him into a hug.

Wei Wuxian screamed.

The pain was excruciating. It ripped through his whole body, starting in his middle and rippling out along every limb until it felt like his arms and legs were being pulled off. It went on, and on, and on.

“Wei Ying!” Wei Wuxian barely heard Lan Wangji’s cry of concern as he fell, body heaving. As Lan Wangji caught him and held him up, the pain intensified, and Wei Wuxian couldn’t even scream any more. He convulsed, flinging himself out of Lan Wangji’s grasp and…the pain was gone. As quickly as it had started, the pain stopped.

Wei Wuxian lay on the ground, panting as he tried to process what had happened. Lan Wangji’s face was drawn with fear as he leaned over Wei Wuxian and reached out to touch him.

Pain.

Wei Wuxian jerked away from Lan Wangji’s touch and the pain again subsided, but when he looked over Lan Wangji was also on the ground, usually stoic face releasing from a rictus of pain.

“The curse,” Wei Wuxian managed to croak out. “It must be the curse.”

“Show me the mark,” Lan Wangji demanded, climbing to his feet. Wei Wuxian groaned and sat up. The pain was gone, but his heart was still beating too hard from the memory. He unwrapped his wrist tie and pushed up his sleeve to show Lan Wangji the dark band round his upper forearm, looking like a black rope woven into his skin. Lan Wangji moved close to look, but deliberately kept his arms back to not touch.

“I don’t know what it is, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian told him. “I tried to find out, but nothing matched the description and it didn’t seem to be causing any problems.” He laughed. “Who would curse me to not be able to touch anyone? Or to hurt someone who touched me?”

Lan Wangji stood back and held his hand out to Wei Wuxian for a second before looking unhappy and withdrawing it. Wei Wuxian shook his head and levered himself up of the ground.

“Lan Zhan, how am I going to manage without being able to hug you? Or poke you?” Wei Wuxian paused. “And how will you manage without being able to grab me when I do something stupid?” Lan Wangji frown deepened and Wei Wuxian suddenly wanted to make him feel better. “Don’t worry. We’ll go to the library and find out what exactly the curse is and then we’ll break it. And then we can touch each other as much as we want.” He grinned.

“Mark your words,” Lan Wangji said, sharply.

Wei Wuxian laughed happily and almost slung his arm across Lan Wangji’s shoulder. It was harder than he thought it could be to stop himself from just that casual touch of Lan Wangji. Instead he sighed deeply and walked over to fetch Little Apple.

It was quite late when they arrived back in the Cloud Recesses. They could have stopped somewhere and carried on in the morning, but Wei Wuxian wanted a real bed and Lan Wangji seemed very anxious to start the research into the curse as soon as possible. Wei Wuxian felt secretly pleased, but still teased Lan Wangji to try and make him worry less.

“Oh Lan Zhan, can’t keep your hands off me? It’s okay, we’ll get it fixed so you can enjoy my friendly hugs again soon. Who knew that the esteemed Hanguang-jun, so reserved usually, was secretly so fond of touching. Isn’t there a rule against that?” Lan Wangji looked pained.

It was that time in Cloud Recesses between the end of the evening meal and not quite time to go to sleep. Wei Wuxian wasn’t expecting to see many people, but hovering near the Jingshi was Lan Sizhui and when he saw them his face lit up.

“You’re here! Hanguang-jun said you were coming and I hoped you would get back tonight.” Before Wei Wuxian could say anything or Lan Wangji intercept, Lan Sizhui laughed and wrapped Wei Wuxian into a hug. Wei Wuxian flinched, expecting the pain to shatter through him, but it didn’t come. Lan Wangji grabbed Lan Sizhui and pulled him away from Wei Wuxian, but Wei Wuxian reached out.

“Wait! It didn’t hurt,” Wei Wuxian said and everyone stopped. Lan Sizhui looked confused, Lan Wangji looked worried and anxious and Wei Wuxian felt no pain. He reached out and touched Lan Sizhui, Lan Wangji jerking as though he was thinking of pulling Lan Sizhui out of Wei Wuxian’s reach again, but even after a few seconds there was no pain. “Maybe the curse ended by itself?”

Lan Sizhui now looked concerned. “What curse?” He asked. Wei Wuxian rolled up his sleeve, partly to show Lan Sizhui but also to check that the mark was even still there. It was. Lan Sizhui leaned in and then reached out to run his finger across the mark.

“You can’t feel anything, right?” Lan Sizhui shook his head. Wei Wuxian then turned to Lan Wangji. “Want to try?”

Lan Wangji frowned, but still reached out gingerly to touch against the mark. Pain erupted through Wei Wuxian and he felt rather than heard the yelp that was forced out of his throat. Lan Wangji’s finger was gone so quickly, and the pain stopped so suddenly, that it felt like he had been struck by lightning: there and, just as quickly, gone.

“What is going on?” he groaned. Both he and Lan Wangji had managed to stay on their feet, but only because the touch had been so fleeting.

“What is going on?” Lan Sizhui asked.

They had a plan for tomorrow, to start testing what the curse was doing, but it was late and all of the Lans wanted to go to bed. Wei Wuxian walked next to Lan Wangji, hoping that he would not be housed in one of the guest quarters and silently breathing pleased relief when he recognised the path to the jingshi. Lan Wangji looked over at him and Wei Wuxian was conscious of what the smile on his face would tell.

“Ah, Lan Zhan, are you sure you want me to disturb your peace?” Wei Wuxian tucked his hands behind his back and turned to walk backwards, facing Lan Wangji. “I get the pleasure of Hanguang-jun’s company, but he just gets someone who is noisy and sleeps late.”

“Wei Ying is never a disturbance.” Lan Wangji’s face was soft and Wei Wuxian’s heart fluttered to see it, even if the statement was clearly untrue.

“Lan Zhan, lying is forbidden! I am always a disturbance.” Wei Wuxian was perversely proud of that fact.

Lan Wangji’s lips quirked into a small smile. “Mn,” he agreed. “Then Wei Ying is a much welcome disturbance.”

“Ahhhh…” Wei Wuxian ducked his head and turned back to walk next to Lan Wangji, overwhelmed from the smile and the compliment. He moved to knock his shoulder against Lan Wangji, pleased, but remembered just before touching and sighed instead.

When they arrived Lan Wangji pushed open the doors, allowing the soft yellow light from inside to spill out, hinting at a warm haven. Wei Wuxian smiled again to see the beautiful and simple space inside. Everything was a reminder that he was with Lan Wangji and so doubly cherished, but nothing so much as when he saw the second bed set up. He groaned and climbed onto it, splaying out, face down.

“It has been a weird day, Lan Zhan. I’m glad to have a bed to sleep in,” he said, muffled. He then turned his head to look up at Lan Wangji, who had a scowl back on his face. Wei Wuxian twisted and sat up. “Um, are you really sure that I’m okay to sleep here? I’ll be sleeping late in your main living area. I can…”

“It’s fine,” Lan Wangji said. Wei Wuxian wanted to say more but Lan Wangji cut him off. “I like having you here.” He then turned abruptly to head over towards the screen that partitioned off the jingshi’s only bedroom.

Wei Wuxian grinned, a warm happiness filling him. “Lan Zhan, you make me feel so welcome.” Wei Wuxian toed off his boots and tucked his feet up, cross legged. “I wish I could thank you properly.” Lan Wangji looked over at him sharply and Wei Wuxian laughed. “I know, I know, no need to thank you. But it feels so great to be back with you and how else can I tell you that without saying thank you?”

“You can just say it’s great,” Lan Wangji pointed out. Wei Wuxian smoothed his hands over his legs, looking away from where Lan Wangji was starting to untie his robes. As they loosened, Lan Wangji passed beyond the screen. Wei Wuxian missed the sight of him, even though he could still hear the soft sounds of movement. Of clothing being untied and removed. Wei Wuxian felt his cheeks start to warm and a feeling of heat flowing through his chest. He laughed quietly at himself and closed his eyes, opening them again only a couple of seconds later when his imagination only showed him images of Lan Wangji behind his eyelids.

“Lan Zhan, you must have worked fast to get the bed set back up for my visit.” Wei Wuxian patted the bed, enjoying the sensation of softness and clean bedding. “So nice. One place I stayed had clouds of dust fly from just sitting on the bed. I slept on the floor instead.” He leaned backwards, breathing the familiar smell in deeply and feeling thoroughly content.

Lan Wangji reappeared from behind the screen wearing only his inner robe, his hair down and loose. Wei Wuxian felt something warm stirring through his blood, seeing Lan Wangji so…undone. Soft and relaxed. How many people had ever seen him in his own home like this? It felt so intimate, like Lan Wangji was letting him see something that no one else ever would. Or, that Wei Wuxian secretly hoped would always be only for him.

Lan Wangji reached up to untie his forehead ribbon and Wei Wuxian’s lips parted as he watched. Lan Wangji had never removed the ribbon in front of him like this, so openly.

“There was no need to put the bed back,” Lan Wangji said, folding the ribbon carefully in one hand. He looked almost naked without it. Wei Wuxian felt his face flush again, hoping that the low lighting would not make it obvious to Lan Wangji. He didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, to make him less at ease in his own home.

“Hmm?” Wei Wuxian prompted.

“It was never removed,” Lan Wangji said.

Wei Wuxian sat up. “It’s been here the whole time?” He looked around again, eyes anew on the set up as it must have been since he left and not just hastily rearranged before his return. “Why? It must get in your way.” Lan Wangji didn’t answer. He walked back behind the screen and came back out a few moments later, without the ribbon and carrying a jar of Emperor’s Smile. He placed it on the low table and poured a cup, other hand automatically moving to hold back a long sleeve that wasn’t there.

Wei Wuxian slipped off the bed and joined Lan Wangji at the table. He smiled and picked up the cup, breathing in the wonderful aroma and taking a mouthful. He hummed his pleasure at the slow burn down his throat. Lan Wangji smiled again, faint but clearly there. He watched Wei Wuxian for a few seconds and Wei Wuxian wished for all the world that the curse on him instead was one that would let him know what Lan Wangji was thinking. Lan Wangji stood back up and Wei Wuxian knew that he would have to ask if he wanted to understand.

“A bed waiting and Emperor’s Smile available. Lan Zhan, you make your home a very agreeable place for visitors.” Wei Wuxian made it a statement, but he raised his eyes to meet Lan Wangji’s and hoped that he would say more.

Lan Wangji shook his head. “Not for visitors, for Wei Ying.” He held Wei Wuxian’s gaze and Wei Wuxian could only smile joyfully as he lowered his eyes and then looked back up at Lan Wangji, stomach fluttering. Lan Wangji eventually looked down and away. “Good night, Wei Ying.”

“Goodnight, Lan Zhan. Sleep well.” Wei Wuxian finished the cup in his hand as Lan Wangji once again disappeared behind the screen.

Wei Wuxian sighed as the next person in line reached out to touch his arm. He then reached out to touch them in return. Again nothing. Lan Wangji had told Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen about the problem and, while Lan Qiren had not ventured any advice, Lan Xichen had immediately offered to help, even forgoing his seclusion until the matter was resolved. Wei Wuxian was very grateful, but after more than two hours of being touched by seemingly every person in Cloud Recesses that Lan Xichen could marshal, Wei Wuxian was almost done.

At first it had been comical. Lan Sizhui had rounded up Lan Jingyi and the two of them had set about ensuring an orderly line of the “volunteers” Lan Xichen was sending their way. Wei Wuxian had entertained himself by giving everyone contradictory advice on how best to arrange Wei Wuxian himself, the volunteers and the record keeping (taken over by an unamused Lan Wangji after Lan Jingyi caught one disciple going through the touch-test for a third time). They had moved the small bench he was sitting on five times before realising what Wei Wuxian was up to. It wasn’t so funny anymore, though.

Lan Xichen returned as the current line of people was coming to an end. “Anything?” he asked. Wei Wuxian shook his head and pulled a face.

Lan Sizhui reported more fully. “No reaction from from Wei-qianbei, or anyone else, no matter who initiated the touch.” Lan Sizhui was so good, so diligent. His face was so gentle and serious as he gave his account. Wei Wuxian was proud, even if he was also bored.

Lan Xichen nodded. “So we can be quite clear that the curse only affects you when Wangji is involved.”

“We were clear on that an hour ago,” Wei Wuxian complained, kicking his feet out.

Lan Xichen only smiled at his pique. “When testing it is always worth taking a little extra time to be thorough. We have a lot of information, now.”

Wei Wuxian glanced over at Lan Wangji, but he was looking down at the notes that he had been taking. “Yes, but we still don’t know what the curse is.” Only because he was watching did he catch Lan Wangji’s mouth purse for a second into a displeased moue. It made him feel slightly better that Lan Wangji was also annoyed by their lack of progress.

“We don’t know what it is, but we have ruled out many possibilities just by doing this,” Lan Xichen said, and Wei Wuxian knew he was right. He pushed himself up to his feet with a dramatic sigh and started to pace, circling round the others.

“So we know that it hurts me and only me when I touch Lan Zhan,” he ticked off a finger, “and it hurts me and Lan Zhan when he touches me.” Another finger. “We know that no one else causes the same reaction.” As he circled behind the bench that Lan Wangji was sat on, Wei Wuxian noticed that Lan Wangji’s ears were turning a little pink and he couldn’t help but tease. “So clearly it is a curse that knows there is no comparison to the exceptional Hanguang-jun.” Wei Wuxian grinned and he saw the corners of Lan Xichen’s mouth lift. Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi didn’t have as much control and they both turned away slightly, hiding smiles. Lan Wangji glared at him.

Lan Xichen continued the reasoning where Wei Wuxian had left off. “We now know that it is not related to the gender of the person, their status, whether they are a cultivator or not. We also know that there is no change if you know or do not know the touch is coming. This seems to make it a very specific curse, which is actually helpful. Specific curses are much harder to cast and are more intricate to craft. This gives us a greater chance to narrow down the specifics than if it was a general curse that could be one of thousands.”

“Zewu-jun is skilled in solving problems,” Wei Wuxian complimented him. “I am very thankful for his help.”

Lan Xichen smiled at him and nodded. “Of course I will help,” Lan Xichen looked across at Lan Wangji, who also nodded. “Especially as the next part involves trying to find any references in the library. Somehow I doubt that will be your favourite part.”

Wei Wuxian pulled out Chenqing and started to spin it while ducking his head. “Ahhhhh, Zewu-jun knows me well,” he admitted.

Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi had obligations for the afternoon, but Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen all relocated to the library and settled in to start the arduous task of research. Lan Xichen was in a different part of the library, as they had decided that spreading out their initial research would work best. However, Wei Wuxian had brought his over to where Lan Wangji was reading and spread it out next to him. They couldn’t touch, but Wei Wuxian could sit nearby and remember all those times that he had annoyed Lan Wangji when he was a student here.

There was something about the smell, Wei Wuxian decided, even more than anything else in the library. He breathed deeply and the scent of the air, of so many books and scrolls, seemed to transport him back to the hours he had spent in here, writing sect rules and teasing Lan Wangji. The rule writing had been interminable, but somehow the memories were still sweet ones. Soft light and Lan Wangji, upright and young. Trying to make him react and sometimes managing it, spectacularly. Wei Wuxian wondered how Lan Wangji would react now, if he slipped some porn into his reading material, and laughed to himself.

As they read, he kept glancing across at Lan Wangji. Occasionally he would catch Lan Wangji’s eye and grin at him, hoping that he was also remembering how infuriated Wei Wuxian had made him. Eventually Lan Wangji would smile and say “Read, Wei Ying.” And so Wei Wuxian would, diligent for a short time, until the cycle repeated. It wasn’t enough.

Wei Wuxian wanted to reach out and poke and prod Lan Wangji. He wanted to rest his head on Lan Wangji’s shoulder. He sighed unhappily and briefly pondered grabbing the end of Lan Wangji’s brush and wiggling it as he took notes. Would that cause him pain? Touching something that Lan Wangji was touching?

Wei Wuxian thought about it and his eyes widened. He had an idea.

Wei Wuxian pulled out Chenqing again and laid it across his lap. He used one hand to slide it across, under his other arm and towards Lan Wangji. The tip touched against Lan Wangji’s sleeve, depressing the material slightly but not enough for Lan Wangji to notice. Wei Wuxian pushed slightly further and finally it touched Lan Wangji’s arm. Lan Wangji glanced down, eyebrows raised in surprise, and Wei Wuxian laughed.

“Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian grinned and gently ran the tip of Chenqing against Lan Wangji’s arm. “I found a loophole.” Lan Wangji was watching where Chenqing was softly stroking his arm. “Are you impressed?”

Lan Wangji looked back at his book. “Mn.”

Wei Wuxian sighed. “Just ‘Mn’, Lan Zhan? Hmmmm…I think I’ll have to do better to truly impress you, then.” No longer trying to hide what he was doing, Wei Wuxian moved Chenqing into his other hand and shifted so he was facing Lan Wangji. He reached out again with Chenqing, touching the same spot on Lan Wangji’s arm, but this time instead of stroking gently back and forth, he softly ran the tip all the way down Lan Wangji’s arm, to his wrist. He drew gentle circles on Lan Wangji’s wrist before running it back up his arm, pressing enough to make contact, but lightly, teasing.

Lan Wangji didn’t respond, but Wei Wuxian felt his own heart beating a little faster. It was so exhausting to remember not to touch Lan Wangji and, while it may not have been his own hand, Chenqing belonged to him. Wei Wuxian carried on up Lan Wangji’s arm, past the point where he had first made contact and up towards his shoulder, feeling the rise of muscle beneath Lan Wangji’s robes. He allowed Chenqing to circle here as well, mapping out the shape and feel, pressing now a little more and then a little less.

“Wei Ying.” Wei Wuxian could hear a warning in his voice. He ignored it and shuffled closer, stopping just shy of his knees pushing against Lan Wangji’s thigh. Lan Wangji still hadn’t looked up at him, so it wasn’t a proper warning anyway.

Chenqing continued its travels now, up to Lan Wangji’s shoulder. Wei Wuxian circled it there, too, but his eyes had tracked ahead to where Lan Wangji’s robes met his neck and instantly all Wei Wuxian could think about was touching Chenqing to skin, to skimming it across the line where robes met throat. He breathed deeply, feeling like there was suddenly less air in the room. He eased Chenqing across Lan Wangji’s shoulder. As he moved from soft material to soft skin, the motion of Chenqing changed and he saw Lan Wangji freeze. Wei Wuxian paused for only a moment before continuing, using Chenqing to caress down to the ‘v’ of Lan Wangji’s closed robes, leaning to get a better angle. Lan Wangji’s eyes snapped up to his, head turning.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said again, but it was less of a warning and more…something else. Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure what it was, but he pushed on, looking straight at Lan Wangji and smiling.

“Aren’t you impressed by my idea, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian sounded breathless to his own ears. He started running Chenqing back up from Lan Wangji’s chest, up his throat along the line of his robe. Lan Wangji was still, but Wei Wuxian could see that his chest was rising a little more and his ears were pink again. Wei Wuxian wondered just how red he could get Lan Wangji’s ears to go. He gently stroked Chenqing up and up Lan Wangji’s throat then round to the side; more difficult now that Lan Wangji’s head was turned to face him, but he navigated up towards Lan Wangji’s temple, softly, softly.

Without any warning Lan Wangji’s arm moved and the other end of the brush he had been using to make notes pushed firmly against the arm that held Chenqing, stopping his progress. Wei Wuxian laughed.

“Lan Zhan! How clever! That’s perfect to join in. You can touch me too, now.” Lan Wangji didn’t draw away, but he didn’t push Wei Wuxian away either. Wei Wuxian gently circled the tip of Chenqing where it was, against the skin of Lan Wangji’s temple, just under his ribbon. Wei Wuxian wished it was his own fingers, feeling the soft velvet of Lan Wangji’s skin.

Or maybe his mouth.

Wei Wuxian felt his whole body flush with warmth. His mouth, his tongue. Maybe his teeth. Wei Wuxian licked his lips and, for a second, he thought he saw Lan Wangji’s eyes follow the movement, but it was gone too quickly.

“I’ve found something that might help.” Lan Xichen’s voice broke the moment. The brush and Lan Wangji’s fierce gaze were gone immediately, leaving Wei Wuxian sat with Chenqing pressed against Lan Wangji’s face as Lan Xichen rounded the corner. He looked up at them from a manuscript and paused. Wei Wuxian beamed at him.

“Look Zewu-jun, I found a loop hole in the curse.” He tapped Chenqing on Lan Wangji’s temple and then again on his cheek, on his neck and then on his shoulder and arm.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji admonished and Wei Wuxian laughed, leaning back and propping himself back against his arms, splayed out behind him. Lan Xichen looked for a moment like he didn’t know what to say, but then he held up the manuscript.

“I found something,” he repeated. Lan Wangji carefully put down his brush and reached out a hand for the manuscript. Lan Xichen seated himself while Lan Wangji looked over the pages.

“What is it?” Wei Wuxian asked.

“It’s not your curse,” Lan Xichen told him, “but it mentions a situation that sounds similar and discusses the search for the cure.”

Wei Wuxian sat up again. “That means that there is a cure.”

Lan Xichen nodded. “There was some difficulty, so it reads, due to the fact that there needed to be a full moon, but the next full moon was after a point where a marriage was meant to happen so…well, the details don’t matter. It helps us.”

Lan Wangji looked up again, having finished reading. “Thank you.” Lan Xichen smiled and nodded.

“I don’t understand,” Wei Wuxian said. “How does this help? Unless it gives the exact details of the cure, we can’t just do experiments at the full moon to see what works.” He was picturing more hours of sitting while various Lans ran around him, conducting lots of tests.

Lan Xichen smoothed his hands across his robes, bringing his sleeves to rest neatly across his lap. “The Cloud Recesses library has one of the largest collections of curse cures. Without knowing the curse, it could take weeks to find a cure that works. However, if we know that it happens at the full moon, then we also know that the curse involved the moon in some way.” Wei Wuxian nodded to Lan Xichen as he knew that part, just not how it helped. “Well, the cures are also categorised by different factors to allow for looking them up as quickly as possible.”

“And the moon is one of the categories?” Wei Wuxian asked, eagerly.

“It is,” Lan Wangji said.

“This takes the search down from an unlimited number of options to a search only through the few hundred moon-related cures,” Lan Xichen said. “A search of a few days rather than,” he lifted a shoulder, indicating the immeasurable search that they could have been faced with.

They decided that Lan Xichen would start at the top of the list of moon-related cures, Lan Wangji at the bottom and Wei Wuxian in the middle. When Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi had finished their sessions for the day they also came to join in the search, but no one found anything useful before they had to stop for dinner. Wei Wuxian had almost never found the Cloud Recesses unbreakable timetable more frustrating. It felt like they were so close and Wei Wuxian just wanted to be able to touch Lan Wangji. It didn’t have to be like he did with Chenqing. It was one thing to tease Lan Wangji; Wei Wuxian’s feelings were his own and not for Lan Wangji to have to deal with. But would a hug be too much to ask? That firm grip around his wrist? The support of an arm? Something to take away this feeling of a divide between him and Lan Wangji, like the closeness he had missed while he was travelling alone would never come back.

Wei Wuxian sighed heavily while Lan Wangji was preparing for bed. He leaned his elbow on the small table, chin in hand. “Lan Zhan.” He sighed again.

Lan Wangji looked over at him. “Mn?”

“I miss being able to touch you,” Wei Wuxian confessed. He sat up straighter; Lan Wangji was watching him intensely now.

“I miss it, too.” Lan Wangji’s voice was quiet and it warmed Wei Wuxian’s insides. “We will find the cure.” He sounded so sure.

“What am I meant to do if I’m going to fall?” Wei Wuxian hoped that Lan Wangji didn’t see him flush.

“Why would you fall?” Lan Wangji was in his sleeping clothes now and seeing him look so soft and undressed made Wei Wuxian’s inside flutter. He wanted to climb into the bed next to Lan Wangji and curl up next to him like they had on so many nights during their travels together. He watched Lan Wangji until he went behind the screen and Wei Wuxian could hear the splashes of water as he washed for bed.

“What if I fall out of a tree and you can’t catch me?” Wei Wuxian pouted, raising his voice so that Lan Wangji could hear him over the water splashing.

“Why would you fall out of a tree?” Lan Wangji’s deep voice carried, despite the screen.

Wei Wuxian thought about it and then grinned as Lan Wangji came back from behind the screen. “Maybe I climbed the tree and fell out to see if you would catch me.” Wei Wuxian was pleased with his explanation and part of him secretly wanted to try it. Lan Wangji had strong arms.

Lan Wangji sat down next to him. “We will find the cure.”

“Yeah,” Wei Wuxian agreed, but he sighed again. No one spoke for a few moments and then Lan Wangji reached past him to pick up Chenqing. He paused for a second and passed it over to Wei Wuxian, looking straight at him. Wei Wuxian smiled a small laugh, thrilled.

“Lan Zhan, if you want me to touch you, you only have to ask.” He reached out with Chenqing and touched the tip of Lan Wangji’s nose with it.

“Ridiculous,” Lan Wangji said, but Wei Wuxian could see the hint of a smile.

“I am ridiculous,” Wei Wuxian agreed. He tapped Chenqing on Lan Wangji’s chin and then his chest. It felt nice, even if it wasn’t his own hands. Like Lan Wangji was really here and Wei Wuxian wasn’t just imagining him, sat there with his hands folded. Wei Wuxian touched Chenqing across the back of one of Lan Wangji’s hands, brushing against each knuckle and then back towards his wrist. Lan Wangji turned his hand so the palm was up and Wei Wuxian laughed, delighted.

“Lan Zhan, you’re so needy.” He traced each of Lan Wangji’s fingers, so long and beautiful. He thought about them caressing the guqin as he played it and circled the tips of each finger. He glanced up at Lan Wangji, but his eyes were watching where Chenqing was touching his skin. Wei Wuxian moved gently to Lan Wangji’s soft inner wrist, marvelling at the delicacy of the skin there and enjoying the contrast of Chenqing’s dark colour. Wei Wuxian circled Chenqing there and heard Lan Wangji take a sharp breath. Was he going to ask Wei Wuxian to stop? He so desperately didn’t want to stop, but if it was making Lan Wangji uncomfortable, he would.

Wei Wuxian glanced up again and this time Lan Wangji also looked up and met his eyes. “Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian started, but he couldn’t find any words to continue.

“Wei Ying.”

Lan Wangji’s voice was deep and rich. It sent a shiver through Wei Wuxian. He dropped his eyes back to Chenqing, finally moving it on. Lan Wangji’s sleeve was just past his wrist and Wei Wuxian used Chenqing to push it back up along Lan Wangji’s forearm while he stroked the tip along the skin towards Lan Wangji’s inner elbow. He desperately wanted to lean down and press gentle kisses all along, following the path that Chenqing had taken. How would Lan Wangji react if he did that? If the curse wasn’t there and Wei Wuxian followed the paths he had made today with his fingers and lips? Lan Wangji would probably be upset and appalled by Wei Wuxian taking things too far. Lan Wangji clearly cared for him, which he would always treasure. But he was remembering now why he had chosen to go and travel alone.

The last thing Lan Wangji needed was Wei Wuxian ruining his reputation as Chief Cultivator. And for Wei Wuxian to be so close to having something, but not be permitted to take the last step without risking losing it all? It was a steady kind of torture.

Wei Wuxian closed his eyes and withdrew Chenqing.

“It’s late.” He looked at Lan Wangji, who met his eyes. “The gong already rang, Lan Zhan. I don’t want to keep you awake too late.”

Lan Wangji opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but closed it again. “Mn,” was all he said. He then pushed up to his feet and paused. “Goodnight, Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian forced an unfelt smile onto his face, pushing through the churning mix of desire, yearning, affection, and guilt. “Goodnight, Lan Zhan.”

By the following afternoon Wei Wuxian was far too bored with reading and needed to do something. He had actually been looking forward to using the Cloud Recesses library to do some research. He had a number of ideas that he wanted to write out and had even contemplated writing a book on his findings surrounding his type of cultivation. It could have been educational. Hours of checking page after page of curse cures had not been what he had in mind, however. Wei Wuxian was honestly only an hour or two away from drawing some of his own porn to sneak into Lan Wangji’s reading list.

He ended up co-opting Lan Sizhui’s help to travel into Caiyi Town to “buy supplies”, Little Apple in tow. He could trust Lan Wangji to do a better job on research when Wei Wuxian wasn’t there bugging him, anyway. If he got to spend some more time with Lan Sizhui, it was simply another positive.

They had talked about Lan Sizhui’s memories before, but Wei Wuxian filled in some more details, things that Lan Sizhui wouldn’t have known or remembered, but avidly asked after. Wen Ning was not the storyteller that Wei Wuxian was, after all. It was hard, though, to tell stories that all ended with the death of everyone else and Lan Sizhui waiting for people who would never return.

Eventually Wei Wuxian couldn’t hold back any longer. “I’m sorry I left you alone, A-Yuan. I thought you had been killed, but if I had known you were still there…”

“It’s fine, Xian-ge,” Lan Sizhui told him, turning his head away. Wei Wuxian smiled at the name but didn’t mention Lan Sizhui’s blush at using it. “I don’t remember a lot from that time, but I loved growing up here at Cloud Recesses. I’ve been very lucky.”

Wei Wuxian slung an arm around Lan Sizhui’s shoulder and pulled him in, tapping Chenqing on his head head. “Lucky! Cloud Recesses was lucky to have you, not the other way around. Ahhh, you’re such a good boy.” Lan Sizhui laughed and elbowed Wei Wuxian who clutched a hand to his heart. “A-Yuan! I said you were a good boy and you elbow your poor father? After I bore you with my own body?”

Lan Sizhui laughed, pushing Wei Wuxian away. “I don’t think that’s how it works, Xian-ge.”

“Oh-ho-ho, and how would you know?” Wei Wuxian crowed, delighted. “What have you been learning? Do I need to speak to someone’s parents?” Wei Wuxian placed his hands on his hips and tried to school his face to stern, but Lan Sizhui’s blush was making him laugh too much.

“Everyone learns about where babies come from,” Lan Sizhui said.

Wei Wuxian twirled Chenqing. “Ah, but didn’t you know that the demonic Yiling Patriarch can warp the very laws of nature?”

“I had heard that,” Lan Sizhui laughed, “but I still know that isn’t where I came from.” Wei Wuxian laughed again. Oh, how he liked this boy. His boy, Lan Wangji’s boy. He slung his arm around Lan Sizhui’s shoulder again, hugging him close and liking how it made Lan Sizhui laugh.

“It’s very strange that the pain only affects you when you touch Hanguang-jun,” Lan Sizhui said. “It’s very specific.”

“Hmmmmm,” Wei Wuxian agreed. “Too specific.” He let his arm drop from Lan Sizhui’s shoulder and clasped his hands behind his back, thoughts buzzing.

“What do you mean?” Lan Sizhui asked. He tugged on Little Apple’s rope to try to make the donkey walk a little faster.

“Well.” Wei Wuxian kicked at the bottom of his robes. “The curse either was created for me or created for anyone, right?” Lan Sizhui nodded. “If it was created for me, then that implies that the person who cursed me deliberately created it to affect me in connection with Hanguang-jun only. If it was created for anyone and just placed on me, it implies that the nature of the curse chooses who it impacts.”

Lan Sizhui was frowning in thought. “It could be both, though, right? It could be aimed at you, but also the curse has an element of choice in how it affects you?”

“That’s right,” Wei Wuxian said.

“So actually either the curse was specifically aimed to target Hanguang-jun, or the conditions of the curse chose Hanguang-jun. Either way, Hanguang-jun is a factor!”

“Ahhhhh!” Wei Wuxian’s chin lifted. “Yes, that’s true.”

“So why would Hanguang-jun be targeted? Either deliberately or by the curse?” Lan Sizhui asked. Wei Wuxian shook his head. “Maybe the curse affects those you love?”

Wei Wuxian’s turned to look at Lan Sizhui, but he was still looking off into the distance in thought. “I don’t think so,” Wei Wuxian said. He swallowed, then smiled. “I love you.”

Lan Sizhui looked at him and smiled back. “But it’s not the same. It could be that it affects the person that you love most. Or who loves you the most?”

“Ahh-ha-ha-ha, A-Yuan, you think that Hanguang-jun loves me the most? More than his brother, his uncle, or you?” Wei Wuxian shook his head. “No, no, it’s probably because Hanguang-jun is such a well-known, upstanding cultivator.” Lan Sizhui pulled a face but didn’t say anything. “Besides, I’m sure that Hanguang-jun and Zewu-jun will have found out all about it by the time we get back.”

As they walked, Wei Wuxian thought about it more. The person that he loved most. He loved Lan Sizhui and Jiang Cheng, but it was different from the intense feelings that he had for Lan Wangji. Whether the curse was cast for him specifically or just placed upon him, could it be that his feelings for Lan Wangji were the cause? The thought troubled him all the way back to Cloud Recesses. It troubled him when they got back and found there was no cure yet. It troubled him through dinner, made more palatable by some of the spices he brought from Caiyi Town. It troubled him because the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like a plausible explanation. A curse that affected your ability to touch the person you loved most. The person that you wanted to touch most.

They would find a cure, Wei Wuxian was sure. Cloud Recesses had a lot of excellent resources and both Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji were knowledgeable, diligent researchers. When they found the cure, however, it would also mean figuring out the cause. Lan Wangji could find out about Wei Wuxian’s feelings for him when either he or Lan Xichen read about the curse. Would Lan Wangji be angry? Would he want to leave the curse in place, to stop Wei Wuxian from touching him again? Would it ruin their friendship in the way that Wei Wuxian desperately wanted to avoid?

Wei Wuxian knew he was being quieter than usual and saw how often Lan Wangji glanced at him. He tried to offer reassuring smiles but he kept circling back to his troubled thoughts.

“Wei Ying, what’s wrong?” Lan Wangji finally asked. Wei Wuxian had suggested that they practice some musical pieces as it reduced the need for conversation and gave Wei Wuxian the chance to think.

“What would be wrong?” Wei Wuxian asked, polishing Chenqing before putting it away. Lan Wangji just stared at him. “I’m fine, Lan Zhan. Don’t worry about me.” Lan Wangji shook his head and continued covering his guqin. When he stood and walked over towards his bed, Wei Wuxian sighed. Maybe he should tell Lan Wangji. Then he could explain and offer to leave if Lan Wangji wanted. It would be hard, but Lan Wangji finding out from a book or from his brother would be much worse.

Wei Wuxian pulled a face, his heart starting to beat too fast in anticipation, but he climbed to his feet and followed Lan Wangji. He was sat on the edge of the bed and so Wei Wuxian sat next to him; too close, out of habit.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said, warning in his voice, but he didn’t move away.

“I’m not going to touch, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian reassured him. He ached to reach out and take Lan Wangji’s hand. “But…” Wei Wuxian paused. Lan Wangji deserved the truth. “I’m sorry.”

“Mn?” Lan Wangji said.

Wei Wuxian could not look up at him, focusing instead on his own fingers, rubbing nervously against his thighs, pushing and pulling against the dark fabric. “I think this might be because of me. That I’m causing this. My…feelings for you are causing the pain.”

Wei Wuxian heart was stuttering, even if his words were not. His fingers continued their kneading, waiting for Lan Wangji’s response.

“Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji saying his name in that soft, quiet way finally made Wei Wuxian look up at him. The hard, cold expression Wei Wuxian had been expecting wasn’t there. Lan Wangji’s eyes were intense and his lips were slightly parted. “Feelings?” Looking at Lan Wangji’s face Wei Wuxian didn’t trust his mouth to say anything so he just nodded, slowly. Lan Wangji’s face was so close now that all he could do was swallow.

What if we kissed? The thought was like butterflies in his stomach, even as the frustration of it not being possible reasserted itself.

Lan Wangji wasn’t looking away, though. He wasn’t looking disgusted or angry. Instead he moved, lifting his hand up as though about to touch Wei Wuxian’s face. Wei Wuxian knew it would hurt, but it would be worth it. Worth knowing that Lan Wangji wanted to.

Just before he made contact, Lan Wangji made a noise of frustration and stopped, so close to touching that Wei Wuxian could feel the heat of his hand.

“Wei Ying,” he said again, but his eyes were pained and full of something Wei Wuxian couldn’t quite dare to name. He had to be sure, though. He raised his own hand from is lap and lifted it to Lan Wangji’s face, mirroring Lan Wangji by stopping just a breath before touching him. He moved it downward, ghosting shy of touching Lan Wangji’s neck, his chest, his hips, before resting it on the bed behind Lan Wangji and turned to face him.

“Lan Zhan,” he stopped, licked his lips against a mouth gone suddenly dry. “Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian closed his eyes against the warm fluttering caused by seeing Lan Wangji’s eyes following the sweep of his tongue. He laughed at his own hesitance. “Do you like me, Lan Zhan?” No, that wasn’t enough, he had to be clear, he had to know that there was no chance for confusion. “Do you like me like I like you? Do you want to kiss me and touch me? Do you want to… do you want me?”

Lan Wangji face was now so close that all Wei Wuxian wanted was to kiss him, to pull him close and touch their lips, their hands, to press close and never let go. “Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji’s breath was warm and right there. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”

Wei Wuxian sobbed out a laugh. “Lan Zhan,” he moaned. He couldn’t help it - Wei Wuxian leaned forward and touched his lips so softly against Lan Wangji’s, but it was enough and the rip of pain through him cause him to jerk back.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Wangji’s concern was not tinged with pain; it didn’t hurt him when Wei Wuxian touched first. Lan Wangji moved his hand towards him, then jerked it back.

Wei Wuxian laughed. “It was worth it.” His heart was now hammering from more than just having Lan Wangji so close. The soft, intense look came back into Lan Wangji’s eyes and Wei Wuxian repeated softly, “So worth it.” He leaned in, turning his face toward Lan Wangji’s neck, but not quite touching. He could smell Lan Wangji, feel his heat, could feel Lan Wangji’s breath against his own neck. “It’s so unfair, Lan Zhan. I want to touch you so badly, but it hurts so much.”

Lan Wangji pulled away slightly. “Do not hurt yourself, Wei Ying. We will find a cure.” There was that aborted move again, as Lan Wangji seemed about to touch him but instead pulled his hands away to hold them in his lap, like they needed to be restrained.

“I don’t want to hurt you, either, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian pulled his own hands back to his lap, again rubbing at the material there, gripping it. “But it doesn’t always hurt you, which is good.”

“Mn,” Lan Wangji said. Wei Wuxian looked at his beautiful face and thought of all the pain he had caused Lan Wangji through the years. Then he sat up straighter.

“Lan Zhan! It doesn’t hurt you when I touch you, it only hurts me. But it hurts you as well as me when you try to touch me.” Lan Wangji nodded. “Ahhhhh, of course. It’s a punishment. If I touch you, I get punished but you don’t, because you didn’t choose it. But if you touch me, I get punished, but so do you for choosing to touch me. I thought it was just about my feelings for you, but it’s not is it? If you like me, too, then it’s about stopping me being touched by anyone who likes me, who wants me.”

“Mn,” Lan Wangji looked ready to teach a lesson to whoever had decided on this curse.

“Aiiiiiii!” Wei Wuxian stood up, partly to pace in frantic thought but also to walk off the frustration of not being able to touch Lan Wangji. “Of course, of course. There were rumours everywhere, people talking about us.”

“Rumours?” Lan Wangji asked.

“Ah ha ha ha…yes.” Wei Wuxian rubbed his neck awkwardly, although why should he feel so awkward now? Lan Wangji wanted him back. “About Hanguang-jun and the Yiling Patriarch. About how the Yiling Patriarch may have not been quite so evil as everyone said, but you still can’t trust him.” Lan Wangji scowled. “And poor Hanguang-jun! So trusting and pure!”

Wei Wuxian was so happy that he knew Lan Wangji’s expressions well enough not to miss how displeased Lan Wangji was at the implications of being ‘pure’. “Lan Zhan, you can’t look at me like that. How am I meant to keep thinking and figuring things out when the esteemed Hanguang-jun is looking at me so hotly?” Wei Wuxian fanned himself.

“Shameless,” Lan Wangji said, but Wei Wuxian could see Lan Wangji’s fluster for what it was now. He felt giddy.

“Well, some of the rumours were true. It is absolutely true that the Yiling Patriarch’s intentions with Hanguang-jun are not, ah, quite so virtuous,” he flashed a flirty grin at Lan Wangji, “and, even if I didn’t know it at the time, it’s also true that Hanguang-jun is having unchaste thoughts about the Yiling Patriarch, apparently.”

Wei Wuxian threw himself back onto the bed next to Lan Wangji, moving close in again, checking that Lan Wangji would still let him. Lan Wangji’s eyes widened, his lips parted and oh, it was such a bad idea. Being this close again and seeing the open hunger in Lan Wangji’s eyes was almost too much. Wei Wuxian felt sick with want, knowing Lan Wangji was right there and wanting him in return, but not able to do anything about it. He forced himself to carry on talking, leaning back on his arms.

“The rumours of course blamed the Yiling Patriarch for corrupting poor, innocent Hanguang-jun. ‘Someone should do something’, ‘someone should protect the honourable Hanguang-jun’ and so on.” Wei Wuxian pulled a face. “Well, this curse would fit with that, right? I can’t corrupt the innocent Lan Wangji right now, even though I would really like to.”

Wei Wuxian had no warning that Lan Wangji was even going to move before somehow he was flat on his back with Lan Wangji leaning over him. There hadn’t even been a flash of pain and Wei Wuxian realised that Lan Wangji had used Bichen to sweep his arms. He now had each hand at either end of the sheath, using it across Wei Wuxian’s chest to pin him down on the bed without touching him. Lan Wangji’s face was so close, his eyes burning.

“Not innocent,” he said, and Wei Wuxian grinned.

“I never said you were.” Lan Wangji pressed him down more firmly and oh yes, Wei Wuxian liked that. He liked it a lot. Deep, warm arousal flooded into him.

“I’m not being corrupted,” Lan Wangji added. Wei Wuxian shook his head, agreeing. “I don’t need protecting from you.”

“Never.” Wei Wuxian’s voice was lower than he’d expected. Oh he wanted this so much. He wrapped his hands around the sword, holding it right next to where Lan Wangji’s hands gripped it tightly “Lan Zhan,” he said, lips parting and breath quickening. Lan Wangji pushed him down harder and Wei Wuxian couldn’t help the slight pant of breath that escaped him, his hips pressing up slightly, not quite enough to make contact with Lan Wangji but enough that Lan Wangji noticed and cast his eyes all the way down Wei Wuxian’s body. He seemed to be drinking Wei Wuxian in, looking his fill like he was finally allowed to, including the unmistakable evidence of how much Wei Wuxian wanted him. His hands seemed to grip Bichen even tighter and for one giddy second Wei Wuxian thought he was going to press him down onto the bed, to climb on top of Wei Wuxian and push their bodies together. He didn’t care how much it would hurt him, it would be worth it to feel Lan Wangji’s hardness pressed up against his own, to feel Lan Wangji’s lips on him.

But then Bichen was gone and Lan Wangji was up on his feet, moving down to the other end of the jingshi. Wei Wuxian sat up, breathing deeply. “Lan Zhan?” Lan Wangji stayed facing away so Wei Wuxian stood up and walked over to him, stopping himself as he went to place a hand on Lan Wangji’s shoulder. “Lan Zhan? Are you okay? I”m sorry if I…”

“No,” Lan Wangji said, cutting across him. “It was my fault.”

“I don’t think it was, Lan Zhan, it’s okay.” Wei Wuxian leaned again the wall that Lan Wangji was facing, trying to get his body to believe that nothing was going to happen, that touching would be a very bad plan.

“I can’t hurt you,” Lan Wangji said. “I should have more control.”

Wei Wuxian couldn’t think of anything to say. He didn’t want Lan Wangji to have to control himself. He wanted to be looked at by those intense eyes and to be pressed down into the bed. It was cruel and helpless to be so close to each other and yet be unable to finally do what they apparently both wanted to so badly.

“You did have control,” he pointed out. “We both did. We’ll find the cure, Lan Zhan. We have more information on what it might be, now, right? It will narrow down the search even more and once I’m cured you can touch me as much as you want, any time you want.”

Lan Wangji finally looked at him. “Mark your words,” he said again, and this time Wei Wuxian knew his meaning. Lan Wangji’s voice was rough and his face made Wei Wuxian flush.

It was too hot and too unfair.

“I think - “ Wei Wuxian started, then stopped, re-reading the piece again. “I think this might be it.” He stood up from where he had been sitting, researching in the library for hours. Now he suddenly felt like there was lightning in his blood. “I think I’ve found it!”

Lan Wangji stood up next to him, standing almost too close. “Wei Ying, are you sure?” Wei Wuxian saw Lan Xichen rise to come and join them.

“Pretty sure…” Wei Wuxian ran his finger across the scroll as checked the description and details again. “No, I’m sure. This is definitely it!”

Lan Xichen held out his hand in request to see the scroll Wei Wuxian was holding.

“We need the full moon to remove the curse,” Wei Wuxian advised.

Lan Wangji nodded. “We expected that, though, yes?” Wei Wuxian pulled a face and handed the scroll to Lan Xichen.

“Expected: yes. Pleased?” He blew out an exasperated breath. “I would have preferred the new moon, as that’s only a week from now.” Lan Xichen looked away with a smile and Lan Wangji ducked his head, ears going a little pink. Wei Wuxian gave a gusty sigh.

“At least it gives us enough time to get everything ready to take action,” Lan Xichen said, running a finger across the details. “There are some herbs that are not common to this area and we will need to arrange for them to arrive in time.”

“We can go to collect some of them,” Lan Wangji offered. Wei Wuxian caught his eye and grinned at how eager Lan Wangji was to continue avoiding his Chief Cultivator duties to fix Wei Wuxian’s problem.

“There’s more.” Lan Xichen frowned as he read further, which Wei Wuxian didn’t like the look of.

“What is the concern, brother?” Lan Wangji’s frown matched Lan Xichen’s.

Lan Xichen pointed at a part of the text. “This part is odd and possibly a little unclear. ‘The blood-gift of a brother.’” Lan Xichen looked up at Wei Wuxian. “It doesn’t seem that it has to be a blood brother, but a man who is close to you. Who cares for you.” Wei Wuxian frowned, hoping it didn’t imply who he thought it might. “There’s more to it.” Lan Xichen continued to read and Wei Wuxian looked up at Lan Wangji.

“It could be someone else,” Lan Wangji offered. “You have many close friends who may suffice.”

Wei Wuxian smiled at Lan Wangji trying. “Yeah, maybe.” He wasn’t convinced, though. A curse that stopped him touching Lan Wangji that needed the blood of a ‘brother’ to remove? It must have seemed like the ideal punishment to whoever placed it.

“I can do it, or Brother might be able to,” Lan Wangji pressed. Wei Wuxian felt a pleased warmth that Lan Wangji thought his brother cared enough about Wei Wuxian to count.

“Hmmm,” Lan Xichen said. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji looked back at him expectantly. “The blood-gift has to be what’s described here as ‘free of the taint of male affection’.”

Wei Wuxian wrinkled his nose. “Does that mean what I think it means?”

Lan Xichen nodded. “It does.” He ducked his head slightly and Wei Wuxian had a sudden insight into what Lan Xichen might be apprehensive to tell them. “And it - ah - rules me out as a donor, I’m afraid.” Lan Xichen had a vague smile on his face, alongside the slight blush. Lan Wangji simply nodded so Wei Wuxian presumed that he knew about his brother’s preferences, but Wei Wuxian clapped Lan Xichen on the shoulder.

“Fun club we’re all part of here, isn’t it.” He grinned at both brothers and Lan Wangji scowled at him. “Though, not to begrudge your feelings, I would definitely rather you were not a member.”

Lan Xichen huffed out a laugh. “I think my uncle agrees, Wei-gongzi,” Lan Xichen said. “But this means that the most likely person to help is…”

“Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian finished for him. He put his face in his hands.

“We can try someone else, first, Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said. “Lan Sizhui cares for you as family, as does Jin Rulan.”

Wei Wuxian took a deep breath and lifted his head. Yes, there were other options they could try before reaching out to Jiang Cheng.

“Okay, let’s try Lan Sizhui first,” Wei Wuxian said. “Jiang Cheng can be our last resort. We just, ah, have not spoken since…“ He trailed off.

“Not at all?” Lan Wangji asked.

Wei Wuxian shook his head. “I wrote to him once, I think?” He tilted his head back, thinking. “Maybe twice? I didn’t really have access to lots of writing materials. And sometimes I wrote letters that I couldn’t actually send.”

“I could write to him anyway, requesting his help,” Lan Xichen offered. “A number of the herbs are local to Yunmeng, so he could bring them.”

“Ah, no,” Wei Wuxian said, wincing. “Let’s wait for now.”

Lan Xichen nodded, once. “I will get someone to locate Lan Sizhui and ask him to come here.” He rose, gracefully.

Wei Wuxian breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Zewu-jun.”

While waiting for Lan Sizhui to arrive, they worked on detailing every part of the cure and how the relevant parts would be located. There were some very common herbs that Cloud Recesses would likely have stores of already, or would be growing nearby. Lan Xichen volunteered himself to obtain those. There were a couple that could be obtained a short walk or donkey ride away, which Lan Wangji marked himself and Wei Wuxian down to pick up. Some other Lan disciples were conscripted for the ingredients that would need sword travel to get further afield. He could hardly hold on to Lan Wangji on Bichen to go themselves. They were finalising the plan by the time that Lan Sizhui rushed into the library and bowed.

“Hanguang-jun, Zewu-jun, Wei-Qianbei, have you found the cure?” At Lan Wangji’s nod Lan Sizhui beamed out a smile and Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but match it.

“It’s not so easy, though, A-Yuan,” Wei Wuxian said. “The Yiling Patriarch is hated very deeply, so of course he is cursed with something hard to remove.”

Lan Sizhui looked uncertain. Lan Xichen explained. “There is a requirement to include the blood of a ‘brother’. A man who cares deeply for Wei-gongzi, as family.”

“Oh!” Lan Sizhui said. “I can provide it.” Wei Wuxian reached out and ruffled his hair. Ah, this boy was so good.

“There is only one other requirement,” Lan Xichen continued. “The man must not have ever, ah, held romantic or physical attraction for another man.”

Lan Sizhui face fell. “Oh, uh, um.” Flames of red blush flooded his cheeks and Wei Wuxian felt his mouth fall open. Then he started laughing.

“Is there anyone who will fit the requirements? Is everyone -“ Lan Wangji cut him off with a look, but he continued to laugh.

“Oh, but,” Lan Sizhui stuttered out, “Zewu-jun, could you…?” Lan Xichen shook his head and Lan Sizhui’s eyes widened. Wei Wuxian noticed that Lan Sizhui didn’t suggest Lan Wangji. This boy was too observant.

Wei Wuxian threw an arm around Lan Sizhui’s shoulders and pulled him in to a side-hug. “We will search the world for the right man and I will befriend everyone, only to find that no one can break the curse!” Lan Sizhui ducked his head and hid a laugh behind his sleeve.

Lan Xichen held out his hands. “Could Jingyi, possibly?”

Lan Sizhui shook his head. “I know he respects and cares of Wei-qianbei, but, uh-” He hesitated, doubtless remembering that gossiping was forbidden in the Cloud Recesses.

“It’s okay, Sizhui,” Lan Wangji said, voice low. “It is enough that you tell us he would not be able to help.” Lan Sizhui smiled in relief.

Lan Wangji turned his gaze to meet with Wei Wuxian’s and Wei Wuxian widened his eyes in pretend shock. “Everyone,” he whispered. Lan Wangji closed his eyes and turned away. Wei Wuxian laughed.

Wei Wuxian wandered along to the cold spring and methodically stripped, trying, for the sake of the neat Lans, to leave his pile of clothes somewhat less haphazard than usual. At the very least, it was a concentrated pile, if not folded neatly like Lan Wangji’s would be. Wei Wuxian slid his foot into the water, shivering dramatically but pushing forward regardless. He needed the cold to leech the some of the need out of him before he could go back to the Jingshi and spend another night sleeping in the same room as Lan Wangji, but unable to crawl into his bed and do all of the things that he could not stop himself imagining. It was like being a teenager again.

Wei Wuxian thought about being a teenager, here in the Cloud Recesses. About meeting Lan Wangji, only to immediately want his attention. Jiang Cheng had harangued him constantly, urging him to stop being so provoking, but Wei Wuxian had never listened. He had never been able to get Jiang Cheng to understand why it was so much fun to goad and tease Lan Wangji. Looking back, Wei Wuxian realised that it was likely because he himself had not understood why he enjoyed it so much.

The cold was now lapping up to his thighs and Wei Wuxian decided to take the sudden plunge into the water to get it over and done with. He let out a yelp as his whole body tried to seize up, muscles tensing. After a few moments he started to relax into it; it was kind of exhilarating. He didn’t think he would ever take to this cold bathing and enjoy it like Lan Wangji did, but as his body adjusted he supposed he could see the appeal. He settled down against the side and pondered how much nicer it would be if Lan Wangji was here with him, keeping him warm. Well, if they could touch, anyway.

Wei Wuxian closed his eyes and thought about Lan Wangji wrapping his arms around him. They could press close, kissing and enjoying so much bare skin. When his fingers got too cold, Lan Wangji could kiss them, too, gently, maybe putting them in his warm mouth…

Wei Wuxian snapped his eyes open. The cold springs were meant to be cooling him down, not make him imagine such things. In hindsight, coming to a place where clothes were removed was maybe not as good a plan as he had anticipated. To try to reemphasise the point, Wei Wuxian lowered himself even deeper into the water, icy touch creeping up his chest, and he shivered again. He spread his arms along the side to hold himself in place. This was better; this was why he had come. If he could keep this cold, shivery feeling with him when he went back, then maybe he would be able to manage. Just being in Lan Wangji’s company was incredible. But now that he knew Lan Wangji wanted to touch, but being unable to - it was punishment indeed. Whoever it was could not have chosen the curse more perfectly.

Wei Wuxian was trying to meditate when a slight noise made him turn. Someone else was coming along the path to the springs. The Lan robes may have been anyone, but Wei Wuxian could never mistake Lan Wangji for anyone else. Plus, who would be coming to visit the cold springs after dark except someone else who wanted to try and cool himself off? The thought made Wei Wuxian feel oddly pleased.

He saw the pause as Lan Wangji spotted him. Wei Wuxian waved and Lan Wangji continued to approach. Wei Wuxian didn’t turn around fully, but instead leaned back so he was looking at Lan Wangji upside down. “You had the same idea, Lan Zhan?”

“Mn,” Lan Wangji agreed. He didn’t start to undress and Wei Wuxian watched as Lan Wangji’s eyes tracked across his arms and the parts of him that were out of the water. Just Lan Wangji’s eyes on him was having the opposite of the effect he'd hoped for from the cold springs. Wei Wuxian stood up from leaning on the side, cold air feeling almost balmy on his chest after the frigid water.

“Ah, if it will be easier for you, Lan Zhan, I can head back. I’ve been here for a little while already, I should be fine to get out.” He looked up at Lan Wangji, who shook his head.

“No need.” Lan Wangji started to untie his sash and Wei Wuxian coughed. He moved away to leave Lan Wangji room to climb in and deliberately didn’t watch his careful undressing. He only looked back over when he heard the soft splashes that meant Lan Wangji would be submersed. Lan Wangji didn’t seem to hesitate like Wei Wuxian had, but then he had a lot more practice at dunking himself into frigid waters on a regular basis.

Lan Wangji was standing in the water, much as Wei Wuxian had seem him previous times, but his eyes were fixed on Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian smiled at him, moving slightly closer. “Can’t take your eyes off me, Lan Zhan?” he teased. He wasn’t expecting Lan Wangji’s gaze to get more intense or for him to shake his head, slowly.

“Lan Zhan, Ah Lan Zhan, you’ll make me blush and then the water will take all of my heat and I’ll freeze. Is that what you want?” Wei Wuxian watched the intense look turn soft with the hint of a smile. Despite the bitter cold water he felt a warm glow and knew that his own face now had a soft smile on it, too. He shook himself off and dunked his whole head into the water. When he came back up, spluttering, he saw Lan Wangji still watching him.

“You’re too handsome, Lan Zhan. How can you smile at me like that? Can’t you see that I’m trying to cool down?” Wei Wuxian shook his hair out, regretting everything as the cold water ran in rivulets down his face and chest.

Lan Wangji ducked his head. “Sorry,” he said, but he didn’t look sorry. He looked pleased.

Wei Wuxian shivered and tried to change the subject. “Remember the first time we were here together?” He pushed his hair away from his face. Lan Wangji nodded. “Of course, how could you forget? You were trying to escape me and I wouldn’t leave you alone.” Wei Wuxian waded back to his spot against the side and tried to regain the composure that he was sure had been close before Lan Wangji arrived. “I remember how unhappy you were when I arrived and came into the water.” Wei Wuxian laughed.

“Mn,” Lan Wangji said, “I could not seem to escape you.”

“It was Zewu-jun who told me to come and use the springs.” Wei Wuxian put his hand across his chest. “That time was truly not my fault.” He grinned again. “But I can’t deny that the rest of the time it was all me.”

“Brother has a sense of humour,” Lan Wangji said.

Wei Wuxian frowned. “You think he sent me to the springs on purpose?” Lan Wangji nodded once. Wei Wuxian hummed and thought about it. What reason could Lan Xichen have to help Wei Wuxian tease his brother? Lan Wangji had been so open about hating Wei Wuxian and his teasing, but Wei Wuxian kept pushing anyway because… because…

“I wanted you to notice me,” Wei Wuxian said.

“I did,” Lan Wangji said, dryly.

Wei Wuxian laughed. “ I know, I know, but I think - “ he hesitated. Even though Lan Wangji knew that Wei Wuxian had feelings for him now, it felt very exposing to admit that maybe he had wanted more then, too. “You were so handsome and talented. And nothing seemed to bother you, no matter what I seemed to do. I wanted you to be bothered by me. I wanted you to care about me.” Wei Wuxian stared at the water, as though he could see his past self in the ripples.

“Wei Ying,” Wei Wuxian looked up. “I was bothered.”

Wei Wuxian smiled. “I know that!” Then he pulled a face, looking away again. “You hated me. Ahhhh, Lan Zhan, not that I blame you. I was obnoxious and cheeky. The exact opposite of the kind of person who would get the attention of the excellent Lan Wangji at such an age.” Wei Wuxian pulled the smile back onto his face, but Lan Wangji was shaking his head.

“No, Wei Ying, I was bothered. I cared.” Lan Wangji was looking at him so earnestly. “I - “ he paused, seeming frustrated.

“Lan Zhan, it’s okay, you don’t have to make me feel better. I just can’t help but look back and wish that I could have figured out what I was thinking sooner and not been such a terror to your poor, younger self.”

“Wei Ying, no,” Lan Wangji said. He moved closer in the water, almost close enough to touch. “You were everything I… You bothered me so much because I cared so much, even then.”

Wei Wuxian sat up, sure he must be misunderstanding. “You liked me, even then?” he asked. Lan Wangji nodded. “What, back when we were here? When I was pestering you?” Lan Wangji nodded again.

“That was why brother sent you here,” Lan Wangji explained. “He wanted me to…us to…” Lan Wangji hesitated, “become friends.”

Wei Wuxian burst out laughing. “Lan Zhan! You liked me? Even then? And your brother, the esteemed Zewu-jun, was matchmaking us?” It was so…unlikely. But also the funniest thing that Wei Wuxian thought he had ever heard. Lan Xichen, sending Wei Wuxian to the springs, knowing that Lan Wangji was there and that he would be bothered by Wei Wuxian turning up.

Lan Wangji’s ears were pink, but he was also smiling. “Brother has always tried to look after me. He knew what I would never confess.” The humour drifted off as the same warm glow came back into Wei Wuxian’s chest.

“And what would you never confess, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian wanted to know, needed to hear it. How else could he believe it was true?

“That you woke me from the life I thought I wanted and showed what I truly craved.”

Wei Wuxian almost couldn’t bear Lan Wangji’s eyes on him. He dropped his face into his hands. “Lan Zhan, you can’t do this to me. You can’t tell me these things when I can’t touch you or kiss you.” He knew his words must be muffled but he couldn’t look up at Lan Wangji’s beautiful face without wanting to grab hold and never left go, no matter how much pain it gave him. “I thought you hated me.”

“I never hated you, Wei Ying. Never.” Lan Wangji sounded so vehement that Wei Wuxian finally lifted his head and looked at him.

“Well I know that now,” Wei Wuxian complained. “But think of all the time we wasted? We could have kissed long before this stupid curse got placed! Oh, think of all the things that we could have done, Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian groaned and threw his head back to lean on the side of the springs.

“We’re here together, now,” Lan Wangji reassured him. “We will find the cure and then we will do everything.”

Wei Wuxian lifted his head and grinned slyly at him. “Everything?”

“Mn,” Lan Wangji said.

“Okay,” Wei Wuxian agreed. He pointed at Lan Wangji. “But I will still never get over the fact that Zewu-jun was matchmaking us.” He tapped his nose and then his chin. “This actually explains quite a lot, I think. He was always so supportive of me hanging around you and following you on different errands. And then when I came back…” Wei Wuxian stopped. “Lan Zhan, was your brother still trying to matchmake us even then?”

“Hmm, not sure,” Lan Wangji said. “Brother is a romantic, but he is also fair. He understood why I wanted to help you. He trusted me, I trusted you.”

Wei Wuxian thought about it, trying to remember things that Lan Xichen said or did. He owed so much of his current position to how willing Lan Xichen had been to allow Lan Wangji the freedom to bring Wei Wuxian to Cloud Recesses. And how much of Lan Xichen’s willingness to allow Wei Wuxian’s presence was to make his brother happy?

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian started. “When you asked me to come back to Cloud Recesses with you, back then, what did you want?” Lan Wangji seemed perfectly content to remain in the water but Wei Wuxian was rapidly approaching the point where his jaw might detach from shivering. He didn’t want to leave yet, though. “I thought you wanted to bring me back and punish me and force me to give up how I was cultivating. I thought that you were judging me. But that wasn’t right, was it.”

Lan Wangji shook his head. “I wanted to protect Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian closed his eyes. So many misunderstandings. Suddenly he couldn’t keep the cold out of his bones and he stood up. “I’m too cold.” He pulled himself out onto the side, muscles rigid from the cold. He saw Lan Wangji start to follow him and he waved him back. “No, Lan Zhan, you stay in. I’m just going to get dressed and then I’ll sit here so I don’t freeze to an icicle while we talk.” Lan Wangji moved closer to the side, but didn’t get out. With an intact golden core they both knew that Lan Wangji could stay in the cold water for much longer than Wei Wuxian could.

Wei Wuxian quickly pulled on his dry clothes, fingers cold and stiff, not even allowing himself the chance to show off to Lan Wangji’s watching eyes. Once he was dressed he sat down, knees pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped round them, trying to warm up. He smiled at Lan Wangji to show that he was okay and Lan Wangji frowned slightly. Wei Wuxian thought that he probably wanted to say more, so stayed quiet to give him the time to think. Lan Wangji wasn’t like him, just blurting out everything that came to his mind.

When Lan Wangji still hadn’t said anything after a few minutes Wei Wuxian sighed. “Tell me.”

Lan Wangji hesitated some more but then started to speak. “I - regret that I did not explain myself very well.” Wei Wuxian rested his chin on his knees and waited. “If I had only been able to say things the right way-“

Wei Wuxian sat up and held out his hands. “No, no, no! Lan Zhan, no.” Lan Wangji looked away. “It wasn’t your fault! How terrible were we both at saying what we were thinking! You didn’t know about my golden core or what happened at-“ Wei Wuxian bit off mentioning his three months in the Burial Mounds; it wasn’t the time to bring that up. “And I didn’t know that you really wanted to bring me back to the Cloud Recesses and ravish me.” From the look Lan Wangji shot him, he didn’t greatly appreciate Wei Wuxian’s attempt to bring some humour into the situation. Wei Wuxian pursed his lips and went for honesty, instead. “It wouldn’t have mattered, anyway. Even if you had knelt on the floor in front of me, confessing all your feelings and begging me to come back and be ravished” - well, maybe some humour - “I wouldn’t have come back with you. Not then.”

“Not then?” Lan Wangji asked.

“No, I was too caught up in what I was doing. Too invested in building something to prove that I wasn’t wrong. I thought that if I could just show everyone that we were just a community of people, living their lives…” Wei Wuxian wrapped his arms back round his legs and rested his chin again. “I wouldn’t have come back with you.” He tilted his head at Lan Wangji. “I would have been absolutely fine with the ravishing, though.” He smiled. “Maybe I would have asked you to stay with me, instead. Help raise A-Yuan together.”

“Mn,” Lan Wangji said, still looking too serious for Wei Wuxian’s liking.

“Lan Zhan, we can’t change what happened, but we’re here together, now.” He hugged his knees as tight as he could and watched Lan Wangji face.

“We’re here together, now,” Lan Wangji repeated, features losing some of the tension.

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian agreed. He tucked his robes more firmly around his feet before another thought occurred to him. “Lan Zhan, you liked me from the first moment you met me.”

Lan Wangji made a noise of protest. “Not the first moment-“ he began, but Wei Wuxian continued.

“From the he first moment you met me.” He grinned. This man, how could it be real that he loved Wei Wuxian so much? The grin faded as he thought about it more. “Lan Zhan,” he paused. “That means that, while I was gone…” Lan Wangji turned away completely and Wei Wuxian had a clear view of the scars across his back. Oh. Why had he not realised their full significance? Why Lan Wangji would go through that for him. “Lan Zhan, I’m sorry.” Lan Wangji turned to scowl at him but Wei Wuxian carried on. “You went through so much because of me. So much pain that I caused you. The scars on your back, the years I was gone.”

“Because of does not mean responsibility for, Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji turned back round. “I made choices and bore the consequences. They were mine to own, not yours.”

“But - “ Wei Wuxian objected.

“No, Wei Ying. You cannot take away my right to choose my own actions. It would… diminish them.”

Wei Wuxian pulled a face, but he understood what Lan Wangji was saying. Had he not had the same type of conversation with Wen Qing, so many times? He tilted his head to rest his cheek on one knee. The bottom of his robes were getting damp, picking up water from where he had dripped. “Interrupting is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses,” was all he said, quietly.

Lan Wangji’s eyes closed for a moment and then the lovely, soft look that Wei Wuxian loved was back. “Wei Ying.” He stopped and then stood slightly straighter. “I will approach brother for my punishment tomorrow.”

Wei Wuxian let out a laugh. “Lan Zhan, no no no. I will arrange your punishment. It is that you can’t kiss me until I can’t breathe, right now, like I want you to.”

Lan Wangji’s look pierced him. “A terrible punishment,” he said, and just like that all of the cooling work that the cold springs had done was undone. Wei Wuxian could not be sorry.

The sun was warm and the breeze cool as they walked along a little-used roadway. Wei Wuxian breathed in deeply, letting his arms swing at his sides. Was there anything happier than this? He and Lan Wangji walking together, sun warming them?

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian said. Lan Wangji looked over at him and Wei Wuxian smiled. “I’m so happy, Lan Zhan. Are you happy?”

Lan Wangji’s eyes softened. “Mn,” he said. “Very happy.”

Wei Wuxian broke out into a grin. “Ah, Lan Zhan, you make me blush. I wish I could hold your hand.” He reached out as though to link fingers with Lan Wangji who drew his arm away.

“Wei Ying,” he admonished.

“I know, I know.” Wei Wuxian sighed and continued to swing his arms. “But the only thing better than being out here with you would be if we could hold hands while we walked.” Wei Wuxian thought about it for a few seconds. “And maybe if we could lean against that,” he pointed at a broad tree, “and you could kiss me.” Wei Wuxian closed his eyes and imagined it, him leaning against the bark with Lan Wangji pressed up against him, hands holding him while they kissed and kissed and kissed.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said and Wei Wuxian opened his eyes to look at him. Lan Wangji’s gaze was powerful and just knew that it was exactly how Lan Wangji would look at him between heated kisses against the tree.

Wei Wuxian kept his eyes on Lan Wangji’s. “Maybe kissing would become too much for us and we’d go deeper into the bushes and you would push me down onto the soft grasses and have your way with me.”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji’s voices sounded pleading. Wei Wuxian wished he had one of Nie Huaisang’s fans to cool his face. His cheeks were so warm from the raw longing he could see in Lan Wangji’s eyes. Lan Wangji moved closer to him, eyes intent, and Wei Wuxian longed to press close to him, but Lan Wangji turned away and continued to walk ahead.

Wei Wuxian sighed. “I’m sorry, Lan Zhan.” He caught up. “I don’t mean to make it harder for you. I just really want to touch you so badly.” He reached out with Chenqing and tapped it gently on Lan Wangji’s arm.

Lan Wangji stopped and took the other end of Chenqing, holding it still in his hands, looking down. “You don’t make it more difficult, Wei Ying.” He looked up into Wei Wuxian’s eyes. “I can wait.” Lan Wangji released Chenqing. “I will wait as long as it takes.” He turned and continued walking. Wei Wuxian stood for a moment, watching Lan Wangji walk and feeling such elation in his heart. He then skipped to catch up to Lan Wangji.

“You’ll wait for me?” Wei Wuxian asked, grinning happily.

“Mn,” Lan Wangji said.

“Ah, Lan Zhan, you make my heart so happy.” Lan Wangji didn’t say anything but Wei Wuxian could see his small smile.

Later, after they had made it back with the right herbs safely stored away, Wei Wuxian was enjoying the slow burn of the liquor down his throat. They had not long finished eating in the jingshi and he leaned towards Lan Wangji, who leaned slightly away from him.

“What are you doing?”

“Don’t worry, Lan Zhan, I’m just testing.” Wei Wuxian reached out and picked up the end of Lan Wangji’s long sleeve. The fabric was soft in his fingers and there was no pain. “I realised that the curse knows I am touching you, even if it’s through your clothes. I wanted to know if it extended to any of your clothes, or if it’s just the bits that are touching your skin.”

Lan Wangji raised an eyebrow. “That is a good question.” He reached out and picked up the bottom hem of Wei Wuxian’s robes where they were resting on the mat next to them. No pain. Wei Wuxian shifted so that he was face-on to Lan Wangji.

“Okay, will you let me experiment?”

Lan Wangji looked slightly displeased but nodded. “Do not hurt yourself too much,” he admonished. Wei Wuxian grinned at him and started running his hands up Lan Wangji’s sleeve, getting closer and closer to his arm. Still no pain. Just before he got to the top Wei Wuxian took a deep breath and skimmed over to the part covering Lan Wangji’s arm. The pain was immediate and intense, knocking the breath out of him.

“Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji sounded concerned.

“I’m okay, I’m okay.” Wei Wuxian panted. It wasn’t even a pain you could prepare yourself for, it was so extreme. “But we know that I can touch your clothes, just not you through your clothes.”

“Mn,” Lan Wangji said. Wei Wuxian reached over and picked up the end of Lan Wangji’s sleeve again, stroking his fingers over the material. It was a poor substitute for Lan Wangji himself, but it felt nice nonetheless. He sighed.

“Lan Zhan, why can’t it be the full moon already?” he asked, fingers caressing. He lifted the soft cloth up to his face and rubbed it against his cheek. Lan Wangji let out a breath and Wei Wuxian looked up to see Lan Wangji watching him closely. Wei Wuxian took the sleeve away from his face and placed it carefully back down. Then he tentatively reached out, giving Lan Wangji time to move if he wanted to, and delicately picked up the end of Lan Wangji’s forehead ribbon from his shoulder. Lan Wangji’s lips parted, but he didn’t say anything or try to stop Wei Wuxian, so he pressed on. He tangled it through his fingers, tugging slightly, inadvertently. Lan Wangji tilted his head so that it was closer to Wei Wuxian, breaking their gaze.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian breathed. He wanted tug on the ribbon, to pull Lan Wangji towards him and kiss him. Lan Wangji looked back up at him and the change in angle pulled hard on the ribbon, releasing the knot so it slithered loose, more of it pooling into Wei Wuxian’s hand. Wei Wuxian made a pleased noise and tangled it in his fingers. As the other end slipped off his’s head Lan Wangji reached up to take it.

For a moment they were still like that, each holding an end of the ribbon.

“It’s like in the cave,” Wei Wuxian said. “When you used the ribbon to claim me for your family.” He smiled at Lan Wangji and wrapped his end of the ribbon round his own wrist. As he did so he saw Lan Wangji start to do the same until it was hung exactly as it had been then, tight about their wrists and connecting them closely. “Did that mean that I belonged to you, Lan Zhan? Does it mean I still belong to you?” Wei Wuxian stroked the end of the ribbon on his own wrist. “I think it does,” he added softly.

Lan Wangji tugged his own wrist, pulling Wei Wuxian’s arm towards him to just before they would be touching. “Yes. Wei Ying belongs to me.” Wei Wuxian felt a molten fire coiling inside at Lan Wangji’s words. Oh, he wanted to touch him so much.

“Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian’s voice was almost a whine. Lan Wangji’s lips parted and then he licked them. Wei Wuxian followed it avidly. As he watched Lan Wangji reached out and unwrapped the ribbon from his own wrist. Once it was free he started to wind the whole thing around Wei Wuxian’s wrist, careful not to actually touch. His nimble fingers deftly managed to tuck the free end in and then he sat back, eyes burning. Wei Wuxian reached over and ran his fingers across the ribbon, feeling it round his wrist like a phantom of Lan Wangji’s grip. He looked back up at Lan Wangji.

“Mine,” Lan Wangji said, curiously breathless. It was too hot. Wei Wuxian didn’t know how he could keep going like this until the full moon. Somehow he had to do…something. When he got into bed maybe he could slide his hand down and touch himself, quietly so that Lan Wangji wouldn’t hear. Or…maybe Lan Wangji would want to hear him? Maybe he could also touch himself while Wei Wuxian did and he would hear Lan Wangji’s breaths as he…

Wei Wuxian was a genius. Should he wait until they were in bed? His body vehemently disagreed with waiting and he stood up. “Lan Zhan, come with me.” Wei Wuxian reached out to grab Lan Wangji and draw him to the bed, but pulled back just in time. “Come on.”

Wei Wuxian walked over to Lan Wangji’s bed, behind the screen, and started to untie his outer robes. Lan Wangji hadn’t followed all the way, but he was standing and watching him. Wei Wuxian let his robes fall and, hands shaking slightly, started removing his inner robes.

“Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji’s tone was a warning but Wei Wuxian kept going.

“I can’t help it, Lan Zhan, you’ve made me too hot.” He glanced over as he reached his under-tunic and trousers, not quite shameless enough yet to strip them off as well. He climbed onto the bed, moving to the far side and leaving plenty of room for Lan Wangji to join him without touching. He leaned back, semi-reclined. “Hanguang-jun showing me how much he wants me is too much. If we can’t touch each other I’m going to have to…” He let his words die away as he ran his hand down his stomach, fingers stopping just as they touched up against the ties for his trousers.

“Wei Ying.” And oh god, the pained want in Lan Wangji’s voice was making Wei Wuxian harder. He passed his hand down over his trousers and pushed against himself, seeing that Lan Wangji had drawn closer.

“You can turn away if you want to,” Wei Wuxian said, cheeks flaming but reaching to untie his trousers regardless. “Or Hanguang-jun can watch, if he wants to.” Wei Wuxian was feeling on fire, now, with pent up frustration but also with the knowledge and wantonness of what he was about to do. What if Lan Wangji actually turned away? Or left? Wei Wuxian lifted his gaze and saw that Lan Wangji’s eyes were watching as his fingers pulled the ties loose. Lan Wangji’s eyes lifted to his and he could feel the heat of it on his skin. Wei Wuxian finally let his fingers slip into his trousers, hand tracing down until he wrapped his hand around his cock.

A small sound came from Lan Wangji and all at once his hands moved to his own robes, removing them. Wei Wuxian’s mouth opened at the sight. He had hoped that Lan Wangji would stay, would watch, would enjoy. But he had never expected that he might also… Even the thought was almost too much and he had to grip his cock tightly to try and stop himself from ending everything far, far too soon. He watched as Lan Wangji carefully placed his clothes aside, his own arousal now achingly clear, and climbed onto the bed next to but opposite Wei Wuxian, so they were facing each other.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian whispered, finally letting his hand move on his cock. Lan Wangji had leaned back, mirroring Wei Wuxian’s pose, but his hand was still only resting just above his trouser ties. Wei Wuxian wanted to watch him. He had really only considered how hot it would be for Lan Wangji to watch him, but hadn’t allowed himself to believe that he might get to watch Lan Wangji in return. That Lan Wangji might truly want him so much that he might pleasure himself while Wei Wuxian was allowed to see.

Wei Wuxian used his other hand to push his trousers down slightly and, as the top of his hand became visible, he watched Lan Wangji’s eyes following its movement. “Lan Zhan, oh.” Wei Wuxian’s breath hitched as he tried to be slow and steady. This was not going to last long, not with Lan Wangji watching him. “I wish this was your hand.” Lan Wangji made another sound and finally his long, deft fingers were untying his own trousers, pushing them down and gripping himself, openly in view for Wei Wuxian to see. “Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, you’re so hot, I can’t stand it.” Wei Wuxian was almost panting now, watching and being watched.

“Wei Ying.” The want in Lan Wangji’s voice was overwhelming. “So beautiful.”

Wei Wuxian laughed, exhilaration running pure through his veins. “Lan Zhan, you can’t say things like that.” He pushed his trousers down further, fully exposing himself and watching as Lan Wangji’s tongue darted out to wet his lips. “I won’t last very long.”

“Good,” Lan Wangji panted out. “I want to see.”

Pleasure was rippling through Wei Wuxian’s whole body and he wanted to reach out with his leg, press it against Lan Wangji’s. “I want to watch you, too, Lan Zhan.” He was getting closer now, hand moving faster, hips twitching in cooperation. “I want to see what you look like. Get a chance to know what I’m going to get to see once the curse is lifted, see how you like things so I know what you want.” Wei Wuxian’s words were hitching as he climbed closer and he could see that they were affecting Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji reached out his other arm and gripped the bedding right next to Wei Wuxian’s leg. He also let his legs fall open more and the sight of Lan Wangji so vulnerable and open, so hot and flushed and hard, finally pushed Wei Wuxian over the top, spilling urgently into his own palm, unbidden noises forced out of his mouth as he locked eyes with Lan Wangji, trying somehow to tell him something, anything.

As he watched, Lan Wangji’s hips bucked and he was also coming, panting harshly and oh, how breathtaking he was, how stunning and beautiful. Wei Wuxian almost felt like he could come again just from watching Lan Wangji ride out his pleasure.

Finally Wei Wuxian collapsed, letting his head fall back. He stayed there for a moment before shifting himself around so that his head was at the same end as Lan Wangji, carefully avoiding touching him. Lan Wangji’s own head was thrown back, eyes closed. Wei Wuxian wanted nothing more than Lan Wangji’s arms around him, to press close and kiss slowly, to come down from this high together. He also felt a bittersweet pain that he hadn’t been able to wait until the curse was lifted before taking things further.

“Do you think that counts as our first time, Lan Zhan? Should I have been more patient and waited? I’m sorry.”

Lan Wangji’s eyes opened his eyes and looked so softly at Wei Wuxian that it almost hurt. “I’m not sorry,” he said, and Wei Wuxian smiled a slow, sated smile back at him. Oh, how much he wanted to touch.

Lan Wangji got up, fetching a cloth each to clean themselves off and then, to Wei Wuxian’s surprise, stripped completely. He tugged at the bedding, lifting it and motioning for Wei Wuxian to climb under. Wei Wuxian wanted to, but paused.

“What if we accidentally touch in the night?” he asked regretfully. He couldn’t imagine how he would stop himself touching when Lan Wangji was wearing nothing like that. Who knew that Hanguang-jun could be so decadent? So comfortable in his skin, while the sight of it was making Wei Wuxian feel warm again.

Lan Wangji walked back over to the other bed and picked up the pillows, bringing them back. “To go in-between,” he explained and Wei Wuxian laughed, finally getting up.

“Ah, Lan Zhan, you’re so clever.” Wei Wuxian paused before getting back under the covers, glanced at Lan Wangji, and pulled off his own clothes, tossing them onto his carelessly discarded robes from before, leaving him wearing only Lan Wangji’s forehand ribbon still around his wrist. Lan Wangji’s eyes watched him intimately so Wei Wuxian made a show of stretching out shamelessly as he settled into the far side of the bed.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji objected, but Wei Wuxian just grinned up at him. Lan Wangji sighed and placed the two pillows, end to end, firmly in the space between Wei Wuxian and where Lan Wangji would lie. He then waved out the candles and climbed in. He turned to face Wei Wuxian, rather than lying in his usual position on his back, and their eyes met. Wei Wuxian leaned in and wrapped an arm around the pillow, trying to let it somehow help assuage the bone-deep desire to wrap himself in Lan Wangji’s arms and sleep with his nose pressed into his neck. Lan Wangji reached out and placed his hand further down on the pillow, close enough for intent but not so close that they risked touching. Much.

“I can’t wait till we can do this without the pillows,” Wei Wuxian said, honestly. Was it only this morning that they had risen from separate beds? He never wanted to go sleep apart from Lan Wangji again.

“Mn,” Lan Wangji agreed. His hand briefly gripped onto the pillow and let go again. “I love you, Wei Ying.” Wei Wuxian’s eyes flew back up to meet Lan Wangji’s which were watching him. How had he ever mistaken those looks for anything else?

Wei Wuxian smiled happily, feeling like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest with happiness. “I love you, Lan Zhan. So much.” He closed his eyes for a few seconds against the agony of not being able to kiss Lan Wangji, to show him how much he loved him. Then he opened his eyes again to at least drink in his fill of the beautiful face in front of him. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get back here with you.”

“You’re here now,” Lan Wangji said and smiled.

“Wei Wuxian!”

There was no mistaking that angry shout. Wei Wuxian grinned. He hadn’t expected Jiang Cheng, he wasn’t sure if Lan Xichen’s letter would have even arrived yet, but when did that stop him turning up and surprising him? He popped the bunny he was holding back down onto the grass, stood up and dusted himself down. He couldn’t see Jiang Cheng, but he was easy enough to find from the angry sounds. Turning a corner to find an array of people in Yunmeng purple was, therefore, not a surprise. Seeing the Jin yellow was, however. Wei Wuxian beamed when he spotted Jin Ling, but rather than rush over he clasped his hands behind his back and sauntered towards the milling group.

Lan Sizhui was talking earnestly to Jiang Cheng and, as Wei Wuxian approached he heard what he was saying. “…Wei-qianbei. You don’t need to shout for him.” Jiang Cheng looked displeased, Lan Sizhui looked diligent and Jin Ling looked around with ill-concealed anticipation.

Jin Ling saw Wei Wuxian first and his face went through a series of contortions: excitement, embarrassment and then an angry displeasure that looked far too like Jiang Cheng for Wei Wuxian not to find it hilarious. Wei Wuxian waved at him and Jin Ling tried not to smile and continue to look annoyed.

Wei Wuxian reached the group just as it appeared that Jiang Cheng was going to start yelling again, so he interrupted.

“Ai ai, Jiang Cheng, why are you being so loud? Don’t you know that there are rules about that in Cloud Recesses?” Lan Sizhui flashed him a grateful smile and bowed. Jiang Cheng spun to look at him, his lips thinning as he looked Wei Wuxian over like a donkey he was planning to buy, checking its health.

“Rules?” Jiang Cheng bit out. “Since when do you care about the rules?”

Wei Wuxian smiled and shrugged. He turned to Jin Ling. “How is my favourite nephew?” Wei Wuxian reached out and pulled Jin Ling to him in a one-arm hug, shaking him slightly. “Not getting shouted at too much anymore by your angriest uncle?”

Jin Ling scoffed and shoved Wei Wuxian’s arm off him. “He wouldn’t dare shout at me, now. I’m the sect leader, not a small boy.” He pushed away the arm that Wei Wuxian was deliberately trying to sling round him again. “And you can’t just manhandle me, either.”

Wei Wuxian pulled an innocent face. “What manhandling? I was showing affection to my favourite nephew.” Jin Ling rolled his eyes and Wei Wuxian saw Lan Sizhui hide a smile behind his sleeve.

“You said that already,” Jin Ling pointed out. “I’m your only nephew.”

Wei Wuxian smiled at the admission of relationship. “Of course, of course, but I’m sure even if I had an army of nephews, all beating at my door to spend time with their favourite uncle, you would be my preferred.” He loved Jin Ling’s face, which hid so much less than he thought it did.

“Huh,” Jiang Cheng huffed out. “How could you be anyone’s favourite uncle?”

Wei Wuxian clutched his heart in mock indignation. “Jiang Cheng, how can you doubt that I would be the favourite? I’m your favourite brother.”

Jiang Cheng shook his head and turned to look away. “You’re my only brother, idiot.”

Wei Wuxian ducked his head so Jiang Cheng wouldn’t see his overjoyed grin and become too embarrassed and shouty again. Lan Sizhui took advantage of the situation to usher the two groups towards the guest quarters.

Wei Wuxian fell into step beside him. “How did you draw the short straw on this?” It didn’t seem usual that two sect leaders would visit and be greeted by one lone disciple. Not that Lan Sizhui wasn’t doing a fine job. He would need to tell Lan Wangji. Although he was surprised that Lan Wangji hadn’t told him about Jiang Cheng arriving. Had Lan Wangji not wanted to make him worry?

“Well, I sent someone to get Grandmaster. I don’t think anyone knew they were all coming,” Lan Sizhui said. Wei Wuxian could see Jiang Cheng watching them talk and waved at him. Jiang Cheng scowled and looked away.

“What, no one? You just happened to be there?” That also didn’t seem right.

Lan Sizhui ducked his head. “Well, no. Jin Ling sent me a butterfly last night to say that he would be visiting today, so I went down to the gate to meet him. I didn’t know he meant that it would be an official visit or that Sect Leader Jiang would be coming, too.”

Wei Wuxian looked at the slight blush on Lan Sizhui’s face and smiled in understanding. Well, that answered that question. In the pretence of stretching out his back and arms he glanced over at Jin Ling, catching him watching them talking, too. It appeared that his nephew was also ruled out as a candidate to break his curse. Wei Wuxian sighed. It was a shame, but how could he not be pleased that his son and his nephew might be happy?

They were almost at the guest quarters when Wei Wuxian saw Lan Qiren approaching, definitely looking more annoyed than usual. Given how annoyed he usually was when Wei Wuxian was around, it had to be an indication of his extreme displeasure. Cloud Recesses often held guests as people visited to consult Lan Wangji as Chief Cultivator, but in truth it was a breach of etiquette as sect leaders for Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling to turn up, even with such a small retinue, without letting anyone know.

Wei Wuxian was proud of them.

The exchange of greetings was frosty, but Lan Qiren’s most severe glares were reserved for Wei Wuxian, as though he had engineered the whole situation. Wei Wuxian hovered on the edge of the proceedings and leaned loosely against a post, casually spinning Chenqing and smiling innocently whenever Lan Qiren seemed at his most frustrated. He could handle that ire; he’d had a lot of practice.

Eventually Jin Ling was on his way to be settled in his quarters, with Lan Sizhui escorting, and another disciple Wei Wuxian couldn’t remember the name of escorting Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian tagged along and, when they were inside the guest quarters, the disciple having bowed and left, Jiang Cheng seemed to finally crack.

“So apparently you managed to get yourself cursed.” He was glaring at Wei Wuxian.

“I…yes, that’s true.” Wei Wuxian was surprised; he definitely hadn’t been expecting that. He was sure the letter hadn’t actually mentioned the curse.

“And you didn’t see fit to tell me. Instead I found out because the Lan clan were asking around Yunmeng for some herbs and plants to help ‘cure’ their precious ‘Wei-qianbei’.” Jiang Cheng reached inside his sleeve and pulled out several small bags of herbs and some wrapped pouches that would doubtless hold the plants they needed. He threw them at Wei Wuxian.

“Ow, ow, Jiang Cheng!” They didn’t really hurt, but Wei Wuxian batted them away dramatically. “No need to attack your poor, cursed brother.”

“Which I had to find out from strangers.” Jiang Cheng glared at Wei Wuxian, lips pressed thin.

Wei Wuxian scrunched his nose. “Ah, well.” He wasn’t sure what to say. “I wasn’t sure -“

Jiang Cheng cut him off. “If you need help from Yunmeng you come to me.” He looked straight at Wei Wuxian. “Or if you don’t want to talk to me, you can go to Jin Ling and he’ll help or talk to me.”

Wei Wuxian nodded, not sure exactly what to say. The way they had left things, it wasn’t clear how it all stood. But if Jiang Cheng was here… “Okay.”

“Okay,” Jiang Cheng repeated.

The moment hung between them, tense, but anticipatory rather than anxious. Wei Wuxian finally blew out a breath. “Want to drink some Emperor’s Smile?”

Jiang Cheng snorted. “I only just got here and haven’t even greeted our esteemed Chief Cultivator yet. I don’t think it would look very good if I immediately left to go and get drunk in Caiyi Town.” They had both still been standing, but Jiang Cheng moved over to sit at the low table. He frowned and then held out a hand to indicate that Wei Wuxian should sit, too.

Wei Wuxian grinned but didn’t sit down. “No need, I have plenty here, at home. I’ll go and get it.”

Jiang Cheng looked incredulous. “There is no way that you are allowed alcohol in Cloud Recesses. And I am not helping you to break the rules again.”

Wei Wuxian shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine. I have special dispensation. I’ll come back.”

He stared when Jiang Cheng also stood up.

“Don’t think I can’t guess what you’re planning. You’re going to sneak down to Caiyi and get some Emperor’s Smile and then sneak it back in here.” Jiang Cheng shook his head. “It’s like you think we’re fifteen again! You’re going to get beaten and made to kneel outside for hours and then I’m going to have to start a war with the GusuLan.”

Wei Wuxian was laughing before Jiang Cheng was even halfway finished. Jiang Cheng was clearly trying and, oh, how much had he missed his brother. “I’m not sneaking into Caiyi! You can come with me, if you don’t believe me.”

He held out a hand to direct Jiang Cheng out the door, but it was a joke, he didn’t really think that Jiang Cheng would come. Jiang Cheng raised an eyebrow, however, and drew open the door, apparently fully intending to join him. Wei Wuxian shrugged and walked out.

The jingshi was a fair walk from the usual guest quarters and the normal people milling around at this time of day quickly fell behind them. Jiang Cheng, who clearly had not been expecting to go so far, was looking around with curiosity. “Why am I not surprised that they make you stay so far away from everyone else?” Wei Wuxian laughed, but didn’t clap him on the shoulder like he wanted to.

When they reached the jingshi Wei Wuxian slid the doors open without hesitation, knowing that Lan Wangji would not be back yet and so not worried about disturbing him. He skirted the table and opened the small cupboard that held his various scrolls. He reached his hand around to the back where the Emperor’s Smile was hidden. He pulled out two jars, pondered for a second, and then pulled out a third. He tapped his chin and then added a fourth. Better to be safe than sorry. He tied them together into two parcels of two jars and turned to hold them up triumphantly. Jiang Cheng wasn’t looking at him, though. He was staring round the jingshi.

“You said ‘home’.” Jiang Cheng seemed…odd.

Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure what was wrong. “Uh, yeah?”

He wondered if it was the talisman work he had been doing and had left spread out on the table. He had left it messy, but he had been going to tidy it away before Lan Wangji came back so they could eat. Jiang Cheng couldn’t blame him for being a bit cluttered when he didn’t know anyone else was going to see. Plus, Jiang Cheng had grown up with him and knew exactly how disorganised Wei Wuxian could be sometimes. He was much better now, mainly because Lan Wangji had helped him to come up with an organisation system that worked for his scattered thoughts.

Jiang Cheng still looked odd, though. “But this is Hanguang-jun’s home.”

“It is,” he said to Jiang Cheng. “The jingshi is Lan Zhan’s.”

Jiang Cheng pointed at the ground. “You live here.”

“Yes.” Wei Wuxian looked around again, seeing everything as though someone else’s eyes. It was very clearly Lan Wangji’s space; there was Lan Wangji’s guqin, some of his outer robes and boots neatly stored by the door, and all of the other small things that had made Wei Wuxian feel so at home when he had arrived a few weeks before. But there too were Wei Wuxian’s robes and boots, his scrolls and ribbons. He saw with fresh eyes how his and Lan Wangji’s day to day lives had mixed together in the symbolism of their belongings. It made him feel warm inside, but he also finally realised the implications for Jiang Cheng.

“Not in the guest quarters,” Jiang Cheng clarified.

Wei Wuxian shook his head. “No, here.”

There was silence while Jiang Cheng continued to look around and Wei Wuxian continued to watch him.

Jiang Cheng eventually spoke again in a plaintive wail. “But there’s only one bed!” Wei Wuxian laughed with surprise. It hadn’t occurred to him that this was a detail that someone else might notice. He wondered if Lan Xichen or Lan Sizhui had also noticed that the second bed had been removed when they visited. He felt his face begin to flush.

“Um,” was all he managed to say before Jiang Cheng was reaching towards him and grabbed a jar of the wine.

“Give me that,” he said, voice dark. He pulled out the stopper and drank an impressive amount straight down. When he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand Wei Wuxian grinned at him, but Jiang Cheng said, “No. No. Don’t say anything.” Wei Wuxian held his hands out to protest that he hadn’t spoken, but Jiang Cheng went on. “I can’t know that my brother is sleeping with Hanguang-jun!”

Saying it out loud seemed to be a little too much for him and Jiang Cheng sat down at the table with a small thump. Wei Wuxian laughed and sat down, too, tugging the jar from his hand and taking his own swig. Then he thought better and jumped back up, fetching two small wine cups and sitting back down. Jiang Cheng watched him and as soon as Wei Wuxian had poured them both out he grabbed his and drank it down in one.

Wei Wuxian drank his own and poured them both another. Jiang Cheng picked up the cup but just held it. He shook his head. “I knew it,” he said. ‘I mean, I didn’t know, but I still knew.”

“I didn’t know,” Wei Wuxian told him. Jiang Cheng levelled him a black look and Wei Wuxian held up his hands again. “I didn’t!”

“Of course you didn’t.” Jiang Cheng’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. Then he put his head in one hand. “This explains too much.” He shook his head and gulped down more wine.

Wei Wuxian sipped his own wine. “If it helps, the curse means that we can’t actually-“

Jiang Cheng yelped. “Argh! No! It does not help!” Jiang Cheng’s face cycled through some ridiculous grimaces, much to Wei Wuxian’s entertainment. “It just means that I now know that you want to!”

“Lan Zhan wants to as well,” Wei Wuxian happily informed him. “He’s pinned me down with Bichen a couple of times-”

“Stop, stop!” Jiang Cheng shouted, but under it Wei Wuxian could see that he was trying not to laugh, which set him off laughing again. The wine was clearly starting to kick in and it was so much like when they were younger, teasing each other. Wei Wuxian could almost imagine the years in between had never happened.

When Lan Wangji arrived back, hours later, he found them both very drunk, laughing and crying. Jiang Cheng had been telling Wei Wuxian stories about when Jin Ling was small, and while it was wonderful to hear, they would both keep bumping up against topics that pierced the humour, bringing drunken tears and fighting, until they started laughing and the whole cycle began again.

Wei Wuxian spotted Lan Wangji through the doors that they had never got around to closing. “Lan Zhan!” he called, waving with enthusiasm. “You’re back! Look who came to visit.”

Lan Wangji nodded to Jiang Cheng, who was trying to stand up without falling back down. “Sect Leader Jiang.”

Jiang Cheng gave up standing and nodded from where he was sitting instead. “Hanguang-jun.” He glowered. “Or should I say brother-in-law.” The last part was hissed and Wei Wuxian gasped before his brain caught up and realised that it hadn’t actually been an insult.

Wei Wuxian waved his hand. “Just ignore him, Lan Zhan. He’s drunk.”

Lan Wangji placed his papers on the desk next to his guqin, then turned back towards them. “Not brother-in-law,” he said to Jiang Cheng, but his eyes were on Wei Wuxian. “Yet.”

Wei Wuxian felt his face break into a huge smile, feelings crashing over him in a way that was only in small part due to the wine. It had been a very emotional afternoon and he didn’t know if he could bear this emotion without crying. “Lan Zhan,” he whispered.

“Ugh!” Jiang Cheng’s exclamation was too loud for the moment and Wei Wuxian blinked. “Please stop looking at each other like that, I feel sick anyway.”

Wei Wuxian stuck his tongue out at Jiang Cheng who returned the gesture. Coming from the upright and serious head of the Jiang sect, it struck Wei Wuxian as hilarious and he started laughing again.

Jiang Cheng continued to scowl at Lan Wangji. “If you want to marry him you’ll have to ask me for permission, anyway.”

Lan Wangji moved with his customary grace to sit at the table, tucking his hands neatly in his lap. “Wei Ying is not a member of your sect.”

Jiang Cheng pointed a finger at him. “Maybe not, but I’m his family and“ - he waved a hand around - “it should be done right.”

Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but smile at him caring enough. Forgiving him enough. He was almost certainly going to cry again.

“I will always do right for Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said and Wei Wuxian could hear the unvoiced ‘…unlike you’. Jiang Cheng clearly had, too, as he opened his mouth, but Lan Wangji turned to Wei Wuxian and continued before he could interrupt. “Wei Ying, Brother was looking for you and Sect Leader Jiang to discuss the curse. With both him and Sect Leader Jin present, either may offer a solution. I said I would check here.”

“Yeah, not Jin Ling, though,” Wei Wuxian said. “Although we may have the pleasure of him as a son-in-law one day.” He waggled his eyebrows at Lan Wangji, who offered a small smile in return.

“What?” Jiang Cheng said. “Was that why he was already planning to visit?” He scowled down at the table and muttered, “…break his legs.”

Lan Wangji looked across them both. “It may be sensible to discuss this tomorrow instead. I will find Brother and tell him that you will both meet him in the library in the morning.”

“Zewu-jun is out of seclusion, then?” Jiang Cheng asked. His face was fairly pink so Wei Wuxian pulled the last jar of wine away from him. As he did so, a voice came from the door which was still open. Wei Wuxian thought that someone should really close it.

“Thank you for your concern, Sect Leader Jiang. I am temporarily helping my brother and Wei-gongzi at this difficult time.” Lan Xichen nodded a polite greeting and Jiang Cheng made to climb to his feet. Lan Xichen waved him off. “No, please, don’t stand on my account.” He turned back Lan Wangji. “Lan Jingyi said he saw Wei-gongzi escorting Sect Leader Jiang here, so I hoped you had found them safely.”

Lan Wangji nodded. “I thought it best if they meet you in the library in the morning.” He didn’t reference the drinking directly but Lan Xichen’s eyes lighted on the wine jars and he smiled.

“That may be best.” He nodded to them. “I will see you tomorrow, Wei-gongzi, Sect Leader Jiang.”

At Lan Xichen’s smile and nod, Jiang Cheng’s face turn from pink to red. Lan Xichen left and Wei Wuxian watched Jiang Cheng’s eyes follow him closing the door with mounting horror.

“No!” he finally burst out. “Jiang Cheng, not you too.” Jiang Cheng turned confused eyes on him but Wei Wuxian turned to look at Lan Wangji instead. “Everyone, Lan Zhan. How can it be everyone?”

“What?” Jiang Cheng barked.

“It may not be what you think,” Lan Wangji said to Wei Wuxian.

“What?!” Jiang Cheng repeated. “Can someone tell me what’s going on?”

Wei Wuxian pursed his lips and turned to Jiang Cheng. “Are you attracted to Lan Xichen?”

Jiang Cheng’s mouth hung open for a second and he glanced quickly at the door in case Lan Xichen was still there. “I…you…” he stuttered out.

Wei Wuxian turned to Lan Wangji and held out a hand towards Jiang Cheng as though this was evidence.

Lan Wangji sighed. “Everyone.”

Later Lan Wangji escorted the very drunk Jiang Cheng back to his quarters. Wei Wuxian had offered, but he suspected Lan Wangji didn’t trust the two of them out and about in Cloud Recesses. He couldn’t really blame him. This thing with Jiang Cheng was too new and fresh. Wei Wuxian knew he would have been tempted to push it too far, maybe by suggesting some kind of drunken activity, which would almost certainly have ended up with him causing problems for Lan Wangji and maybe even getting kicked out.

Wei Wuxian looked up when Lan Wangji came back. “Maybe it’s something connected to cultivating?” He had been considering it while Lan Wangji was gone.

Lan Wangji secured the door to the jingshi and removed his outer robes. Wei Wuxian longed to get up and do it for him. To remove his robes and elaborate hair pieces when he came home, turning him back from Chief Cultivator into Wei Wuxian’s Lan Zhan. Instead he watched with his head propped on his hand while Lan Wangji did it himself.

After a few moments, he realised that Lan Wangji had not answered him.

“Lan Zhan, maybe cultivating has an effect on who you’re attracted to?” He drummed his fingers on the table. “That would explain why so many of the people we know are-“ He waved his hand around.

“Mn.” It didn’t sound like agreement.

Wei Wuxian sat up, stretching out his legs. “You don’t think so?”

“I think someone would have noticed by now if every cultivator was only attracted to men,” Lan Wangji said as he sat down.

Wei Wuxian pulled his legs back so that his arms were wrapped around his knees. It helped him want to reach out and touch a little less. “I’m not talking about being only attracted to men, but being also attracted to men.”

Lan Wangji still didn’t look like he agreed and Wei Wuxian raised his eyebrows at him. “Hmmm, no.”

Wei Wuxian pulled a pouting face. “Well, if it’s not that then I think it must be me.” He laughed at the thought. “I somehow affect those around me.” Lan Wangji still didn’t look convinced. “Well, if not, then what is your explanation?”

Lan Wangji poured himself some tea and Wei Wuxian was caught up for a moment in watching the ritual of it. The lift of the hand, the other hand holding back the sleeve, the pour. It was very soothing to watch. It came as almost a surprise when Lan Wangji spoke again. “I think that more people than you would expect have…thoughts. However, because you are an open person, those you are close to feel comfortable also being open around you.”

Wei Wuxian felt a warm, syrupy glow flowing through him. He smiled at Lan Wangji. “Lan Zhan, how like you to find an explanation that is also a compliment to me.” Lan Wangji’s return smile made his heart swell. They looked at each other for a long time before Wei Wuxian spoke again. “I really think that I could live like this forever.” Lan Wangji placed his tea down, deliberately folding his hands in his lap. “Even if I can never touch you, if I can just spend my evenings with you, if I can just look at you and see you look at me too, it would be worth it.”

Lan Wangji’s hands tightened against each other. “Any time with Wei Ying is worth it.”

Wei Wuxian felt his smile become wider, his eyes closing. This was happiness, right here like this.

“Time for bed.”

Wei Wuxian opened his eyes, blinking, realising how close he was to drifting off right here, head resting on his own knees.

“Time for bed,” he agreed.

It was going to take a week for Nie Huaisang to get the request for his presence and then travel to Cloud Recesses.

Every time Wei Wuxian thought that he could manage it, that it was fine, that he could share Lan Wangji’s home, that he could share his evenings, that he could even share his bed - albeit with pillows as chaperone - without needing to touch, Lan Wangji would do something that made the time passing interminable. It wasn’t just obvious things, like how Lan Wangji looked when they touched themselves together, or the sight of skin as he stripped or dressed.

No, it was all of the little things that were the worst. Like Lan Wangji’s hands as he played the guqin. Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but want those hands to touch him as well. To play him and strum against all of his most intimate places. It was how his face was so focused as he arranged his hair in the morning, eyes raised as though he could see up onto his own head. It was watching Lan Wangji run his sword drills, fierce and determined, or watching how gentle and tender he was with the rabbits.

By the day that Nie Huaisang was due to arrive, Wei Wuxian was desperate.

“Oh god, why are you telling me this?” Jiang Cheng said.

Wei Wuxian was sprawled out at the table in Jiang Cheng’s guest quarters. There was nothing but tea on the table. They had not got drunk together again since the first night, but it had changed things between them in a way that Wei Wuxian had never even hoped could happen. It was new and fragile, but Jiang Cheng was still here, using the time to ‘discuss sect matters’ with Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian knew the truth: Jiang Cheng was as eager as he was to see if this nebulous peace could be strengthened into a real bond again.

And if his complaining about his situation with Lan Wangji was also a way that he could tease Jiang Cheng, the only real way he knew to build a bond with his brother, then wasn’t that just perfect?

“I have to tell you this!” Wei Wuxian whined. “Who else can I tell?”

“Anyone but me.” Jiang Cheng wrinkled his nose and turned away. “Literally anyone but me.”

Wei Wuxian sat up and ticked off on his fingers. “I can’t talk to Lan Xichen, he’s Lan Zhan’s brother. I can’t talk to Lan Sizhui he’s-“ Wei Wuxian choked off from saying ‘my son’. “-a junior. I can’t talk to Jin Ling because that would be-“

Jiang Cheng interrupted. “Completely wrong! That’s disgusting, don’t talk to my nephew about your pervy sex life!”

Wei Wuxian smacked Jiang Cheng on the arm, ignoring the shocked indignation on his face. Clearly Jiang Cheng didn’t have enough people in his life who would treat him like someone other than Sect Leader. “I said I can’t talk to our nephew. Of course I wouldn’t.” He sighed. “Anyway it’s a lack of sex life that’s the problem. Or, well, we can do things to ourselves together, but-“

“Gah! No!” Jiang Cheng jumped to his feet. “Stop telling me! I can’t know these things about my brother. I can’t know these things about Lan Wangji!” Wei Wuxian started laughing, which didn’t help Jiang Cheng’s scowl. “I have to look him in the eye later this afternoon!”

“Say hi from me,” Wei Wuxian said, still laughing.

Jiang Cheng looked disgusted. “I will not.” He came back over to the table, tentatively, as though only planning to sit if Wei Wuxian had stopped talking about what he and Lan Wangji were not able to do together. Wei Wuxian wasn’t quite shameless enough to go into details, especially because the problem was that they hadn’t actually done anything to each other yet, but it was great fun to poke at Jiang Cheng. He sat back down and Wei Wuxian enjoyed the contradiction of the meticulously dressed Sect Leader and the petulant brother. It burned in a bittersweet way to know that his little brother was still there, inside, underneath all of the years of pain and resentment.

Jiang Cheng shook out his sleeves, sipped his tea and then huffed. “Nie Huaisang will be here this afternoon; hopefully he will be able to help.”

“Yeah,” Wei Wuxian agreed, laughter drying up. He sipped at his own tea, aware of Jiang Cheng watching him.

“There are still options if he can’t,” Jiang Cheng offered up.

Wei Wuxian let out a slightly sharp laugh. “Like what? It’s not as though I’m well-loved enough to have uncountable friends like ‘brothers’ to choose from.”

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes at him. “So you do the search the other way round. You find a man who has never“ - he flicked a finger and Wei Wuxian was amused at how red he went - “and then you become friends with him.”

“Huh,” Wei Wuxian said, head tilting in thought. He rubbed his nose with a finger. “That could work.”

Jiang Cheng gave him an ‘obviously’ look. “You would miss this full moon.” Wei Wuxian opened his mouth to object. “It’s in two days,” Jiang Cheng snapped. “You couldn’t build a bond like a brother in two days.”

Wei Wuxian pulled a petulant face. “But I’m delightful.”

Jiang Cheng snorted. “You might be able to manage it by the next full moon, if you were able to hide most of your personality for a month.”

Wei Wuxian stuck out his tongue and enjoyed the scandalised look on Jiang Cheng’s face. Definitely being over-respected. However, any response was interrupted by a knock on the door.

At Jiang Cheng’s “Come!”, the door slid open to reveal Lan Jingyi, breathless. He hastily bowed to Jiang Cheng, then turned to Wei Wuxian.

“Wei-qianbei, Sect Leader Nie has just arrived.” Lan Jingyi’s face was excited and Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but grin at him. He jumped to his feet.

“See you later, Jiang Cheng. Thanks for the tea.”

He hadn’t even made it to the door before Jiang Cheng was standing up too. “I’m coming with you.” Wei Wuxian turned back with surprise. “If you think I’m just going to sit here and wait to find out after having to listen to hours of you complaining, you are mistaken.”

Wei Wuxian broke into a grin and walked over to throw an arm across Jiang Cheng’s shoulders. “Awww, Jiang Cheng, you care.”

“No I don’t,” Jiang Cheng snapped, but he didn’t push the arm off until they were out of the door.

Lan Jingyi led them back towards the halls that Lan Wangji used for his Chief Cultivator duties. Wei Wuxian had spent a few days watching some of the meetings, but mostly it was dull and his presence always caused a bit of a stir. Lan Wangji never asked him to stop coming, but Wei Wuxian knew it must be less fraught without him there. He preferred his research, anyway. Lan Xichen had given him full access to all of the library, even over Lan Qiren’s objections, and the library was a much nicer place to be when he wasn’t expected to write out rules. Although if Lan Wangji had been there again that would have been even better.

They walked into the room just as Nie Huaisang was performing his bow to Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian waved at him as their movement caught Lan Wangji’s eye and he saw the hastily controlled smile that almost no one else would notice. Lan Jingyi bowed and stood back against the wall next to Lan Sizhui and Jin Ling. Wei Wuxian was pretty sure that they were not meant to be here, but if Lan Wangji didn’t notice then Wei Wuxian wasn’t going to say anything.

“Sect Leader Nie, welcome,” Lan Wangji said. “Please, take a seat.”

Nie Huaisang moved to a nearby table that already had tea on it, doubtless Lan Sizhui’s work. Wei Wuxian skirted over to another table, opposite, and saw Jiang Cheng sit at the one next to him. Nie Huaisang spotted them both and his eyes widened, looking between them, then over at Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian saw the moment that Nie Huaisang pulled a neutral and pleasant look back over his face and again felt a sort of bitter pride. It was because of Nie Huaisang that he was even here in the first place, and because of him that Jin Guangyao had been ruined. But it was sad to see the changes it had meant in his old friend. While maybe Nie Huaisang had always been capable of such things, he felt both impressed and regretful that it had been necessary.

Wei Wuxian threw a glance over at Jiang Cheng and then turned back. If someone had killed Jiang Cheng, would he have done any less? Had he known sooner that Jin Guangyao was responsible for Shijie…

He forced his thoughts back to proceedings. Nie Huaisang was giving an update, observing the courtesies even as he must be anxious to know why he had been asked to visit. As he wrapped up his pleasantries, he ended by nodding to Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng. “I am pleasantly surprised to see Sect Leader Jiang and Wei-xiong here as well.”

It was clearly an unspoken request for information and as good an opening as Wei Wuxian was going to get. He glanced at Lan Wangji, who nodded for him to go ahead.

“Nie-xiong,” he started, matching Nie Huaisang’s informality in hope of reassuring him that this wasn’t some retrospective trouble he was going to get into. “It is actually for my sake Lan Zhan has invited you here.” Nie Huaisang’s eyebrows raised, but he stayed quiet and his fan remained still on his lap. “I am hoping that you can help break a curse that has been placed on me.”

There was a blink, then the fan opening and a laugh that sounded suspiciously like relief. “A curse?”

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian said. “A curse where I need the help of a“ - he stuttered slightly, they were friends, surely? - “a-a friend who is like a brother.”

Nie Huaisang’s eyes widened again. “I am flattered, Wei-xiong.” He bowed his head slightly in Wei Wuxian’s direction. “I also consider you a friend.” He looked like he might add something, but then his eyes tracked around the room. “Ah, but do you not already have a number of friends already here who could have helped you?”

Wei Wuxian looked around and saw the moment that Jiang Cheng realised his mistake in joining them here. His face flushed scarlet and Wei Wuxian bit back a grin. “The curse requires more than the person just being a man who is like a brother to me.” Wei Wuxian risked a glance up at Lan Wangji, but his face was impassive. “It requires that they have never had sexual thoughts about another man.”

Wei Wuxian watched as Nie Huaisang pressed his lips firmly together, humour dancing in his eyes. “Ahhhh,” he finally let out. “I see.” He looked around. “And no friend of yours in this room can claim that?”

Wei Wuxian heard something that sounded like a laugh hastily disguised in a cough from the back of the room. “No. None can.” The dancing in Nie Huaisang’s eyes deepened to the point where Wei Wuxian had to look away from him or risk bursting out laughing.

“That’s…an unfortunate situation.” The strain in Nie Huaisang’s voice was too much for Wei Wuxian and he sniggered, chin down to his chest. He heard Nie Huaisang gasp a breath of laughter and then that was it, they were both laughing openly. Wei Wuxian looked across to see Jiang Cheng deep in an embarrassed scowl and he reached over to clap him on the shoulder. Jiang Cheng looked away, but Wei Wuxian was sure that he was trying not to laugh now too. Even Lan Wangji had a slight smile.

“Alright, alright.” Wei Wuxian was still laughing. “It’s completely ridiculous, we know.” Nie Huaisang was wheezing behind his fan. “I need your help, Nie-xiong! Can you help?”

Nie Huaisang discretely wiped some tears from his eyes. “Um, I’m pretty sure I can help you.” Wei Wuxian’s mouth opened in surprise and hope, his eyes finding Lan Wangji’s. “I can safely say that I have a preference for aesthetics, not people. Men included.”

“Are you sure?” Wei Wuxian felt breathless. Nie Huaisang nodded, apparently not sharing any of the embarrassment that Jiang Cheng was suffering. “Thank you, Nie-xiong.”

Two days. They could remove the curse in two days.

In the end, the whole thing took remarkably little time. They had everything they needed now and the days passed agreeably with the company, even if it felt too slow for Wei Wuxian.

On the day, they had to wait until the full moon rose, which meant the Lans staying up past their bedtimes. Nie Huaisang, Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling all insisted on being permitted to watch, but it was almost anticlimactic. The ingredients were mixed, the moonlight bright and the words simple enough. As they all watched, the rope mark around Wei Wuxian’s arm flared and then faded away. There was no more pain than there had been when it had appeared. Wei Wuxian reached out and rubbed his hand across the skin of his arm, but it was clear. He laughed in relief.

“There’s only one test,” Lan Xichen said and Wei Wuxian looked over at Lan Wangji, standing close by. Their eyes met and Wei Wuxian reached out a hand towards him. It was difficult to overcome the weeks of restraint and it wasn’t until Lan Wangji reached out as well that Wei Wuxian was able to touch a finger to the back of Lan Wangji’s outstretched hand.

No pain.

Wei Wuxian spread his whole hand across the back of Lan Wangji’s but there was still no pain. He pulled away. “Now you try.”

Lan Wangji reached out in turn and smoothed his fingers across the back of Wei Wuxian’s hand, but there was no reaction other than Wei Wuxian feeling like he might vibrate out of his skin.

The moment was broken by Lan Jingyi whooping and clapping. Lan Wangji snatched his hand back as everyone else joined in the clapping and, apparently, hugs. Wei Wuxian laughed at the odd gathering, all circled in the little clearing and all here to help him be able to touch Lan Wangji. Jiang Cheng was here, Jin Ling, Lan Sizhui. His family. He looked up at Lan Wangji and grinned. When Lan Wangji smiled back, he realised that as great as it was to have everyone here, he definitely had other plans now that he could touch Lan Wangji.

“Well, it’s past curfew,” he said.

Jin Ling scowled at him. “Since when do you care about the rules?”

“Since he has better things to do than spend time with us,” Jiang Cheng grumbled. Wei Wuxian grinned at him and Jiang Cheng pulled a face. “I don’t want to know anything, just go and we’ll clean up.”

Wei Wuxian clapped Jiang Cheng on the shoulder and waved at everyone else. He wanted to grab Lan Wangji’s hand, but the learned wariness was still there, so instead he started back and turned to say, “Coming, Lan Zhan?”

He heard another snort - not sure from who - but it didn’t matter as Lan Wangji fell into step. It was a fair walk back to the jingshi, but it had never felt so unending. It seemed that hours had passed before the house came into view and they went through the doors, closing and locking them behind them.

They both removed their boots and outer robes, but then stopped, standing close, but still too far to touch.

Wei Wuxian looked at Lan Wangji, but even though he knew that there was no more curse, he inexplicably felt shy now that they were alone. How could that be? He had never had any concerns about touching Lan Wangji in the past. Why now, when they had watched each other do so much more?

What if it didn’t live up to the expectations, though. How long had be wanted this? How long had Lan Wangji wanted this? What if it was terrible?

“Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian started, but he didn’t know what else to say. He had been desperately waiting weeks to touch Lan Wangji again. Why could he not just throw himself into his arms?

Lan Wangji placed Bichen down and turned back to face him, but he didn’t move closer. He lifted his eyes and Wei Wuxian could see them burning, but he didn’t approach.

Wei Wuxian had to laugh. “Look at us, Lan Zhan. We’re too used to not being able to touch and we don’t know what to do now that we can.” It was kind of funny, if frustrating. Wei Wuxian took a step closer and reached as though to take Lan Wangji’s hand, but he stopped just before making contact. It was too much: too many expectations, too many things imagined to know where to start.

Lan Wangji looked down to where Wei Wuxian’s hand still hovered, then back up into his eyes. Without looking away, he reached up and untied his ribbon, the long tails sliding over his shoulders. It was so familiar now, but Wei Wuxian still took a breath. Lan Wangji reached down and wrapped the ribbon once around Wei Wuxian’s wrist as he had before. Wei Wuxian watched. Lan Wangji wrapped it around like the last time. This time, however, his hand brushed lightly against Wei Wuxian’s wrist as he smoothed it. Wei Wuxian felt his cheeks starting to burn.

“Lan Zhan,” he breathed. Lan Wangji only tugged at Wei Wuxian’s existing wrist wrapping, pulling it free and letting it flutter to the floor. Lan Wangji wrapped his ribbon around a second time, his hand running along the skin of Wei Wuxian’s forearm to push his sleeve up. Wei Wuxian’s breath stuttered. How could he be so overwhelmed from just this? Just the touch of Lan Wangji’s fingers on his arm?

Lan Wangji wrapped the ribbon a final time and tied it off, slipping his hand down to caress against Wei Wuxian’s, holding it, and then looking back up into Wei Wuxian’s eyes.

“Mine,” Lan Wangji said.

Wei Wuxian broke into a grin. “All yours,” he agreed. He laced their fingers together and the simple gesture felt like the most intimate act. How could he do anything else without blushing so hard? “Come sit with me, Lan Zhan?”

Lan Wangji nodded and they both sat by the small table, fingers still interlaced. Once they were both comfortable, Wei Wuxian shifted closer, letting his leg rest against Lan Wangji’s like he wanted to do every time they were sat close. He unlaced their hands and brushed his fingers across the back of Lan Wangji’s hand, copying what he had done before with Chenqing.

Wei Wuxian stroked across Lan Wangji’s knuckles and traced along to the end of each finger. Lan Wangji sounded as breathless as Wei Wuxian felt. Skin to skin, it felt decadent, miraculous. Lan Wangji turned his hand over in Wei Wuxian’s grip and Wei Wuxian smiled, remembering him doing the same previously.

“So needy, Lan Zhan,” he said, and grazed his fingers and palm over Lan Wangji’s. Lan Wangji’s fingers curled, brushing against his hand in turn. Wei Wuxian looked up and caught his gaze before lifting their hands and touching the lightest of kisses to Lan Wangji’s palm.

Lan Wangji’s lips parted on a breath and the muted, ever-present background ache of a desire to kiss Lan Wangji blossomed until it was the only thing he could think of. He used their joined hands to pull Lan Wangji towards him, eyes on his lips until they were too close to be able to focus and his eyes drifted closed. The first touch of Lan Wangji’s lips to his own was feather-light, like they both feared the pain would inexplicably come back. They breathed there for a moment, lips just touching, not moving. Wei Wuxian licked his lips and his tongue touched briefly against Lan Wangji’s lips.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji whispered. He moved in and pressed a deeper kiss. His arms came up to wrap around Wei Wuxian’s back, holding him close despite the awkward angle. Wei Wuxian gripped the front of Lan Wangji’s robes. This was it; they were finally kissing. Wei Wuxian wanted to mentally celebrate until he felt Lan Wangji’s tongue touch against his own. Instead all thoughts fled from his mind and all blood flowed downwards until he felt dizzy with it. Lan Wangji tugged him closer and Wei Wuxian considered just climbing onto Lan Wangji’s lap, but he stopped and put a hand on Lan Wangji’s chest.

“Lan Zhan,” he stopped and licked his lips. “I want to lie down and kiss you. I don’t think my legs can take it.” He shifted back and stood up, Lan Wangji somehow managing to follow him up. His hands slid round Wei Wuxian’s back and pulled him hard against him.

They kissed, but Wei Wuxian grabbed Lan Wangji’s wrist and drew him towards the bed. He began to undress, just taking off his top layers and leaving on his trousers and under-tunic, somehow not quite able to bring himself to strip naked, regardless of the fact that Lan Wangji had seen him so before.

Wei Wuxian reached onto the bed and gleefully threw off the bed the two pillows that separated them when sleeping. Then he climbed onto the bed, shuffling to make room for Lan Wangji. But Lan Wangji had other ideas.

Lan Wangji had undressed to the same minimal clothing and, as Wei Wuxian tried to move over, Lan Wangji reached out and held in him place. Then he climbed onto the bed and on top of Wei Wuxian, pressing him down into the covers and lying his body across Wei Wuxian’s own. Wei Wuxian released a punched out breath as Lan Wangji’s weight settled on top of him and he felt Lan Wangji hard against him. He tugged Lan Wangji’s face down to his, their lips meeting again. Wei Wuxian had never felt more sure of any decision in his life.

Lan Wangji kissed with a passion that Wei Wuxian could only have dreamt of. He knew that the cool, untouchable outer demeanour was only that; he had known that since they were teenagers. Nothing, though, had truly prepared him for the overwhelming heat that was Lan Wangji on top of him and kissing him breathless. He canted his hips to press up against Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji gasped.

“Wei Ying,” he said, his tone almost admonishing.

Wei Wuxian stroked his hands over Lan Wangji’s shoulders and down his back. “Should I stop?” They were too close for him to see Lan Wangji’s eyes properly, their lips still brushing.

“No.” Lan Wangji was emphatic and he kissed Wei Wuxian again, his own hips pushing down, the friction making Wei Wuxian arch his back. Then Lan Wangji stopped again, this time lifting his chest away from Wei Wuxian’s, propping himself up on his arm and looking away.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian stroked Lan Wangji’s back and tried to stop hips that just wanted to thrust repeatedly up against Lan Wangji. “Ah, is this…am I not…” Wei Wuxian licked his lips, not sure what he was trying to say but trying to understand what was happening. “Is this not okay?”

Lan Wangji’s eyes snapped back to him and Wei Wuxian had to huff a laugh at the very clear message his eyes were sending. Lan Wangji lifted a hand and brushed at the strands of hair that were around the edges of Wei Wuxian’s face. Then he leaned down and pressed the most delicate kiss to his lips. Wei Wuxian let him, not pushing, giving him space. He didn’t want to make Lan Wangji do anything he didn’t want to, even if he might have to cry.

Lan Wangji shifted to kissing Wei Wuxian’s cheek, his jaw, his neck. As the tender kisses travelled down, Wei Wuxian’s breath came faster and he shook with the effort of not writhing against Lan Wangji. He felt Lan Wangji’s hips start to move and the friction against him was so good he couldn’t help a stuttered noise from his throat. Lan Wangji stopped again.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian whined. He pulled Lan Wangji against him, shifting so he was between Wei Wuxian’s thighs and he could wrap his legs up and around to hold Lan Wangji firmly against him. “What’s wrong?”

Lan Wangji dipped his face down into the crook of Wei Wuxian’s neck and held there, breath coming fast, each one panting hot against Wei Wuxian’s skin. Finally he spoke. “It’s too much,” he said, voice low with anxiety.

“It’s too much?” Wei Wuxian repeated. “Lan Zhan, we can stop, or do other things if this is too fast -“ He let his legs drop down, mentally preparing himself to spend some more time in the cold spring if needed, but Lan Wangji reached down and grabbed his thigh.

“No,” he pulled at Wei Wuxian’s thigh, showing that he wanted Wei Wuxian to rewrap his legs around. Wei Wuxian happily complied, though he was confused. “Wei Ying is not too much, I don’t want to stop, but…” Lan Wangji trailed off and Wei Wuxian waited. “It has been a long time. Thinking about this.”

Realisation struck Wei Wuxian all at once. Lan Wangji stopping them, his breath coming fast and hot against Wei Wuxian’s neck, the fierceness of his kisses… He laughed, delighted. “Lan Zhan, are you worried that you’ll come too quickly?” He rolled his hips, breath catching at the amazing feel of Lan Wangji’s hard cock pressing firmly against his own.

Lan Wangji pulled back slightly. “Don’t tease.” His voice was low and, Wei Wuxian thought, maybe a little ashamed.

Wei Wuxian tugged at Lan Wangji until he lifted his head and then he planted kisses all over Lan Wangji’s face. “Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan,” he chanted between kisses. “I’m not teasing.” He pressed a kiss to Lan Wangji’s lips. “I’m pleased! I’ve felt like my skin has been on fire being around you over these last weeks. Do you know how amazing it is to know that you are just as excited?” He kissed Lan Wangji again, again rolling his hips. “Do you think I expected our first time to be anything more complex than both of us frantically grabbing at each other because we can finally touch?”

He went to roll his hips again, but this time Lan Wangji pushed down into him and Wei Wuxian closed his eyes at the overwhelming sensation. “Oh, god, Lan Zhan. I’m going to last about two minutes, I swear.” He laughed and opened his eyes so Lan Wangji could see the truth of it in them. “Lan Zhan will just have to trust that I can hold out longer the next time.”

“Mmm,” Lan Wangji hummed. He looked at Wei Wuxian. “Next time.”

The promise seemed to firm up Lan Wangji’s resolve and he pushed down again, eyes hungrily watching Wei Wuxian’s face. Wei Wuxian closed his eyes and let everything he was feeling show there. When he opened his eyes again, Lan Wangji’s lips were open in a look of devastated lust. Wei Wuxian felt a catch in his throat to see it. He had seen Lan Wangji touch himself while watching Wei Wuxian, but nothing had prepared him for the beauty of feeling exactly how much Lan Wangji wanted him.

“Maybe only one minute,” Wei Wuxian confessed. He reached between them to untie Lan Wangji’s sash and remove his tunic. Lan Wangji shifted to let him. The angles required moving Lan Wangji’s weight on top of him, which made him groan. The tunic was thrown over the side of the bed and then Lan Wangji was untying Wei Wuxian’s, hands skating across his waist with unerring accuracy.

“How do you still have such coordination, Lan Zhan?” he asked as Lan Wangji pushed his robes open and ran worshiping hands down Wei Wuxian’s chest.

Lan Wangji’s hands continued down and he shifted his weight to the side, off Wei Wuxian, who made senseless noises of protest until he realised that Lan Wangji was moving so that he could reach the drawstring of his trousers. Lan Wangji untied it and tugged. Wei Wuxian reached down to help, shifting his hips up to allow their removal. He he untied Lan Wangji’s.

Lan Wangji rolled back into the same position that they had been in, only this time there was nothing between them. Nothing but skin to skin. He could feel Lan Wangji’s legs against his own, their hips aligned, their bare stomachs, chests. But most shattering, he could feel Lan Wangji’s cock pressed close up against his own.

“Oh god, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian moaned. He ran a hand down from Lan Wangji’s shoulder, across his back, down into the dip of his lower back and up onto the mound of his backside, all with nothing to cover it or stop him. He pulled and Lan Wangji’s hips rocked against him. He felt wrecked from just this. Lan Wangji pressed into him again and they kissed, sweet, filthy, delirious kisses.

Wei Wuxian wanted to spend the rest of his life just like this.

He was dimly aware that there were so many other things that they could do, that they would do, but right now those thoughts meant nothing compared to the tactile glory that was Lan Wangji naked, pressed tight against Wei Wuxian’s body as they thrust and fucked and rocked against each other. Wei Wuxian almost wanted to laugh with the euphoria, but felt like if he started laughing he would never stop. He chased that feeling, his body focused more tightly on the amazing friction of Lan Wangji’s hips against his own. His mouth was open against Lan Wangji’s and he opened his eyes to look at him, knowing he was too close to focus but desperate to see him anyway. Their eyes met and Lan Wangji let out a punched breath as he came, feverish, hips jerking. The feel of it, so hot and slick between them, made Wei Wuxian’s own hips buck and he gripped Lan Wangji’s back, too hard, fingers straining as he came and came and came, feeling like the white-out glory of it would never end.

Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure how long it was before Lan Wangji’s hand moved down to still his hips. Without being aware, he had been slowly shifting his hips back and forth, feeling the slide of their shared mess, almost over-sensitive, but also making him feel like he wanted to do it all over again. Wei Wuxian laughed gently, filled with such overwhelming delight and happiness. He wrapped his arms around Lan Wangji’s shoulders, putting his mouth next to Lan Wangji’s ear.

“Can we just stay like this, forever, Lan Zhan?” he asked. His eyes were drooping and he wanted to drift to sleep with Lan Wangji on top of him, never moving.

“Mn,” Lan Wangji said. He nuzzled, leaden against Wei Wuxian’s neck. “Might get cold.” He didn’t make any motions to leave, though.

As though Lan Wangji mentioning the cold had summoned it, Wei Wuxian shivered slightly at the night air, cool even inside the jingshi, touching his skin everywhere that Lan Wangji wasn’t. It must be worse for Lan Wangji whose entire back (and backside) was exposed.

Unbidden, a thought came to his mind of someone letting themselves into the jingshi without knocking and coming across them, the exalted Chief Cultivator with his ass in the air, wrapped in the legs of the Yiling Patriarch. Wei Wuxian couldn’t control the explosive laugh that burst out of him. Lan Wangji was even still wearing his elaborate silver hair ornament, adding such a layer of farce that Wei Wuxian had to bury his face into Lan Wangji’s neck, laughing until his sides ached.

“Wei Ying, are you alright?” Lan Wangji sounded bemused and Wei Wuxian couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t even really that funny, but the laughter and his pleasure seemed to mix into one. He supposed it was mildly better than crying from the intense feelings flooding his body.

Gradually the laughter tapered away, but he couldn’t look at Lan Wangji’s hair ornament. Lan Wangji stroked his hair and Wei Wuxian lifted his chin in silent request for a kiss. Lan Wangji was there immediately, lips cool. Wei Wuxian briefly wondered if that was because all of his blood had gone elsewhere and almost started himself laughing again. They kissed languidly, the initial heat dissipated, but Wei Wuxian could feel the possibility of it building again, deep inside. Like he had tapped an aquifer that had just been waiting for an excuse to burst forth. That image also almost made him laugh. He hoped he wouldn’t end up in hysterics after every time they had sex or Lan Wangji might consider not taking the risk.

Wei Wuxian stroked his hand down Lan Wangji’s back again. “Bath?” Lan Wangji hummed in agreement.

They shared the bath, bodies pressed close in the water. Wei Wuxian luxuriated in the feeling of warm water, warm skin and the warm affection of Lan Wangji, undone. Lan Wangji was reclined against the side and Wei Wuxian half lay on top of him, head resting in the crook of Lan Wangji’s neck, water supporting him. He sighed with contentment. “I could get used to this.”

Lan Wangji’s arms pulled tighter around him. “You could.” Wei Wuxian hummed a questioning tone and Lan Wangji continued. “You could stay.”

Wei Wuxian didn’t answer at first. He let Lan Wangji’s hands continue to stroke through his hair and thought about what staying would mean. He would never agree with the Lan sect placing rules ahead of living a good, just life. Even so, at least two of his favourite people were Lans who didn’t let that stop them. He thought about teaching the juniors and how much he enjoyed it. He got to show them that rules could be a framework and not the whole. If he stayed maybe he could make the Lan sect a little less rule-bound. A rule was only as good as the interpretation of it, after all.

He thought about Lan Wangji’s position as Chief Cultivator. Wei Wuxian by his side would always be a thorny reminder to those who would rather forget him and their own actions in the past. He would be a focal point for those who were angry at Lan Wangji’s changes and might cause some to mistrust him. He would likely end up with more curses thrown his way.

Wei Wuxian sighed. He knew Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji had chosen to stay with him even when the whole of the cultivation world had been sure that he was the source of all evil. He knew what he would say about Wei Wuxian choosing to leave again, to set aside this beautiful thing that they had created between them for the sake of what others would think, say, and do.

Wei Wuxian also knew that if he asked, really pushed, Lan Wangji would leave with him. It was a heady responsibility, to hold so much power over this man. Maybe the cultivation world would be right to fear him by Lan Wangji’s side, as Lan Wangji seemed incapable of refusing him anything, now. He allowed a smile. No, he couldn’t leave without Lan Wangji. And he couldn’t ask Lan Wangji to step down and leave with him; Lan Wangji was too good at what he did. The cultivation world would just have to manage.

His sigh was deeper, happier. “What if I did stay?”

Lan Wangji’s hands stilled for a moment before continuing their steady strokes. Wei Wuxian wondered that Lan Wangji didn’t get bored, but then he was not bored of touching Lan Wangji and didn’t think he ever could be.

“I would like it if Wei Ying stayed,” Lan Wangji said. It was oddly formal and oddly worded. It avoided asking him for anything directly and Wei Wuxian’s heart ached at it. Even now Lan Wangji held his palms open, allowing Wei Wuxian his freedom if he wanted it.

Wei Wuxian lifted his head to look at Lan Wangji. “I would like to stay.” Because he was watching for it he didn’t miss the pleasure that passed across Lan Wangji’s expression. “I’ll cause you all sorts of trouble, though.”

Lan Wangji shook his head. “Wei Ying is not trouble.” There was Lan Wangji’s smile; the most wonderful thing.

Wei Wuxian laughed. “We both know that’s not true.” He pulled a face. “I’m aware that as a guest I can be thrown out. I don’t want to put you in that kind of position. Having to choose between your integrity as Chief Cultivator, your sect, and me.” Wei Wuxian could see, just from the look in Lan Wangji’s eyes, the choice he would make. He felt overcome with wonder at Lan Wangji’s love for him, even as he appreciated the responsibility of it as well.

Lan Wangji leaned in to kiss him. “As a guest you can be asked to leave by elders of the sect, but not if you were a member.”

Wei Wuxian laughed and wrinkled his nose. “Ah, Lan Zhan, I really don’t think that there is any way your sect would agree to allow me to become a disciple. My reputation alone would be enough, never mind the criticism it would draw from smaller sects who didn’t have the luck of being there to see Jin Guangyao’s downfall for themselves.” He shook his head. “No, it would draw their ire down on the whole of the Lan sect. While I’m your guest, the elders can claim that it is on sufferance. If they admit me as a disciple, they lose that.”

Lan Wangji shook his head slightly. “Not as a disciple, Wei Ying.” He paused, hand coming up to touch lightly against Wei Wuxian’s neck and jaw. “As a husband.”

Wei Wuxian felt like all of his blood was fizzing at once. His heart started beating so hard, his stomach full of butterflies and his cock stirring, despite his having come already. Husband. Just the word associated with Lan Wangji felt overwhelming. He reached up and touched Lan Wangji’s lips. “Husband,” he whispered. Lan Wangji kissed his fingers.

If Lan Wangji married him, he would become a member of the Lan sect, whether the sect elders accepted him or not. Oh, they could not approve the match, but as Chief Cultivator Lan Wangji could overrule them for his own marriage choice. The blame would still lie with Lan Wangji, though, shielding the Lan sect from backlash. As husband, it could change how those who feared him perceived his influence over Lan Wangji. They would tell themselves that Lan Wangji had tamed him, brought him to his side. He would be seen as a married partner of the Chief Cultivator and it would diminish the perceived threat of the Yiling Patriarch setting up his own power base again.

In short, it was excellent political manoeuvring, as well as being something he wanted with all of his being. Wei Wuxian laughed and pressed himself close, showing Lan Wangji exactly how much he approved of the thought. Lan Wangji gripped him in return, pulling Wei Wuxian close enough to kiss.

Wei Wuxian shifted himself to get his knees astride Lan Wangji’s hips and was delighted to find that Lan Wangji was clearly thrilled at the idea, too.

“Husband,” Wei Wuxian whispered again, against Lan Wangji’s lips.

“Husband,” Lan Wangji said back, voice cracked. “Wei Ying.” His voice broke again and Wei Wuxian kissed him.