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Wei Wuxian still struggles with the fact that he is alive when he shouldn’t be. Not when so many people should be instead of him; his shijie, Jiang Fengmian, Madame Yu, Jin Zixuan. His night terrors rip him to shreds as every night he watches those he loves torn apart and all he can do is watch. On the worst nights, Lan Wangji is among those whose lives have ended in his anger.
On those nights, he doesn’t get much sleep. Dark circles form under his eyes and it’s harder to pretend to be happy. On those days, when Wangji’s mouth turns down the slightest bit and Wei Wuxian knows that the other knows something is wrong, he stays especially close to the other. Needing more than anything the light and protection the light-bearing lord offers. He feels lucky when, as he does his duties as Chief Cultivator, Wangji allows him by his side.
Sometimes Wei Wuxian doesn’t understand why the other is so lenient with him, remembering as vividly as his shoddy memory allows all the times he was punished by writing the Lan sect’s rules. But then he remembers Wangji repeating the words he’d once told a Yuan, so long ago.
“Walking along a single log road until it is dark is indeed not bad.” A soft smile accompanying his words. Wei Wuxian’s heart had lit up with warmth at that, beyond happy that the man he considered his soulmate, his confidant, was happy to stand beside him. Confidently telling the world (at least those at Koi Tower) that he knew who Wuxian was from the moment he came back.
Now, he sits quietly next to Lan Wangji as he teaches the juniors. He’s fiddling with the detailing of Bichen’s hilt, laid next to him as Wangji paces the room, reminiscent of his time here before. When it was Lan Qiren who was walking the room and teaching. He can almost picture his Shijie sitting at the front next to Jiang Cheng, Nie Huaisang behind her. His heart clenches painfully for a moment, stuck in a time where he still had his Shijie but he didn’t have Lan Zhan. He wonders idly when that became what he yearned for. Both his family and Lan Zhan.
He thinks that in another universe, maybe he got both.
Wei Wuxian centers himself again, focusing on Lan Wangji’s voice as he talks, letting his soothing voice wash over him, allowing it to recenter him. When he reopens his eyes, they meet with Jingyi’s, a slight frown on the younger’s face. Wei Wuxian shoots the other a bright smile, knowing it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but wanting to calm the other anyway, the boy frowns more before turning his attention back to Wangji. Wei Wuxian does the same and soon finds himself leaning against the pillar he was sitting by, the low, smooth tones of Lan Wangji pulling him into a soft slumber, calming his inner self and allowing for a peaceful nap.
Wei Wuxian isn’t sure how long he’s been asleep when he’s being shaken awake by Lan Wangji, but when he opens his eyes he sees the classroom has emptied. Wangji and Jingyi were looking at him with concern, Wangji’s face as serene as ever to an outsider, but after how long they’ve known each other, Wei Wuxian thinks he’s gotten pretty good at reading him.
“Senior Wei, is everything okay? Sizhui asked me to give him updates while he was away and I don’t want to be the one to tell him you’re dying.” The junior genuinely looked concerned, his brows furrowed and his mouth was turned down. Wei Wuxian’s heart swelled with warmth.
“Ah, yeah, I’m okay.” The words didn’t feel like a lie, either. After his nap, he felt more energized. “Huanguang Jun’s lesson was just so boring I couldn’t help but doze!” He stifled another yawn and smiled at Jingyi. “Besides, I already went through lessons here. I doubt they’ve changed that much!”
“If you say so, Senior Wei.” Jingyi still didn’t look entirely convinced, grumbling quietly, his expression set in a frown.
Wangji took him in, his eyes contemplative before turning to Jingyi. “We’ll take care of the bunnies today.”
Wei Wuxian’s eyes lit up at that, the only time the bunnies let him hold them was when Wangji was around and if he was going to take time away from chief cultivator duties, Wei Wuxian jumped at the chance. Still, he couldn’t help but ask, “Are you sure that’s okay, Lan Zhan? I know you have a lot of work to do.”
“Mn,” Wangji’s eyes softened further when they made eye contact. “Always time for Wei Ying.”
Wei Wuxian’s face lit up in a smile and Jingyi, who hadn’t left yet, relaxed and stood up before bowing formally and saying goodbye. Wei Wuxian fondly watched as the boy left. “He’s a good kid, Lan Zhan. I’m glad he and Sizhui have each other.”
“Mn,” Wangji stood up gracefully and reached a hand out to help Wei Wuxian up, steadying him when he swayed a bit.
“I think he misses a Yuan, though.” Wangji nodded slightly and led Wuxian out of doors, letting him chatter as they made their way first to the kitchens and then to the small clearing where the rabbits stayed.
Wangji settled Wuxian down before sitting himself next to him and handing over some lettuce leaves, before carefully grabbing two of the braver rabbits, one black and the other white, and setting them in Wuxian’s lap. Next to him, Wuxian cooed as they ate the proffered greens. Wuxian used his free hand to scratch at the white one’s ear. Huddled in his lap, the white rabbit allowed the black one to take most of the food, occasionally pushing more towards it. He sighed contentedly when Wangji settled closer to him. Bodies pressed together in a sort of familiarity that spoke loads of the trust Wangji held for Wuxian.
The casual comfort between them always made Wuxian’s heart swell. As always, he was reminded of how fortunate and lucky he was to have Wangji on his side. Wuxian lifted his eyes from the bunnies in his lap to the man next to him, watching as he fed the other bunnies. A feeling bubbled in his heart, a brief thought of I want this always , as he settled back a little more comfortable.
Before, in quiet moments like this, the resentful energy would claw at his mind and sanity in a way that would have had him twirling chenqing as a way to ground himself. But now, as he sat in the calming aura of Lan Wangji, Huangang Jun, all he felt was warmth and peace. Sometimes he wishes that he had reached back for Wangji, had asked him for help and support instead of pushing him away. He wonders if things would have been different. Would they have been able to save the Wens without his Shijie being killed? Would there have been as much suffering if Wangji had been at his side? No, he stopped his thoughts, he would never willingly drag Wangji into his darkness. For all the things he had done, he never wanted to hurt the other.
In the quiet, he thinks about Jiang Yanli too, thinks about how proud she would have been of Jin Ling, softening him around the edges the way the other juniors do for him now. He thinks of the proud turn of Jin Zixuan’s face and how it reflects so clearly in his son. About how the two would have raised Jin Ling to be soft and kind but sure and proud, how Jiang Cheng would have made sure that no one ever hurt him. Tears spring to his eyes at the thought of his brother. Former brother, he corrects himself in his mind. Even at the end, after everything was revealed with Jin Guangyao, Jiang Cheng still looked heartbroken and angry. Wei Wuxian had asked him to put those memories in the past, and if it would help heal the hurt in Jiang Cheng’s heart, he would put their brotherhood behind him as well.
“Wei Ying,” Warm hands brushed salty tears away from Wei Wuxian’s cheeks.
“I’m okay, Lan Zhan.” He reached up and grabbed Wangji’s hand in his own, needing the comfort and hoping the other wouldn’t pull away. “I’m just really thankful for you. And I miss my shijie and Jiang Cheng. I was just thinking of what could have been.”
“Wei Ying,” Wangji spoke again.
“I know, I know, I can’t change what happened and I don’t regret the choices I made. I just wish the choices had better outcomes.”
“Wei Ying is good.” Wangji made a small noise after he spoke, his expression doing a complicated dance as Wuxian waited, knowing how hard it was for Wangji to get the words out. “I should have stood beside you, fought harder to help and protect you. Protect those you care about.”
“You already do, did, so much for me. I really am so thankful, Lan Zhan. You’re too good to me.” In his lap, the white bunny was curled protectively around the sleeping black one. It made him think of the two of them so much it made his heart clench painfully. I want this always , came into his mind unbidden again.
“Wei Ying deserves only good things.”
-------
Later that night, when they were settling into the Jingshi for the night, Wangji preparing for bed and Wei Wuxian nursing a pot Emperor’s Smile and watching as the other undid his hairpiece, allowing his hair to flow freely. It’s the kind of vulnerability he never expected to see the other extend him and Wuxian was almost entranced.
“Lan Zhan,” Wuxian called quietly, waiting for the other’s golden eyes to turn to him. “How’s your brother?”
Lan Xichen was still in seclusion after the events at Guanyin Temple. Wei Wuxian understood that it must have been hard on him, not only to be the one who killed Jin Guangyao but also to learn how badly he’d been fooled.
“He’s,” Wangji paused to try and decide how to explain. “I’m not sure when he’ll come out of seclusion, but he’s eating again. I’ll tell him you asked about him.”
“Remind him there’s no rush on healing. I know you and your uncle will take care of things, and I’ll be here to support you if you need it. Wait, that might not be reassuring to him, after all,” Wei Wuxian trailed off, brows furrowing slightly.
“Brother tells me he is happy you are here with me. I am too.” Lan Wangji’s eyes were focused on him in a way that made his body flush hot and his heart speed up.
“Ah, Lan Zhan! You can’t just say things like that! My heart can’t take it!” Still, a bright smile spread across his face, returned by a small upturn in lips from the other as he turned back to combing his hair.
Wangji finished his hair at the same time Wuxian finished his jar of Emperor’s Smile, and Wuxian watched as Lan Zhan stood and walked towards him before sitting gracefully behind him and reaching for the red ribbon stilled tied in his hair.
“May I?” Wuxian’s breath caught in his throat at the question and, afraid of how his voice would come out, he nodded slowly. Gentle hands took the ribbon out of his hair and careful fingers ran through before Wangji was running a comb through the strands.
“Thank you,” Wuxian sighed as he relaxed fully into Wangji’s ministrations, eyes growing heavy as sleepiness settled upon him like a warm blanket.
When Wangji finished he set the comb on the table and stood to help Wei Wuxian up before guiding him carefully to the bed and sliding in next to him before tucking him completely in.
“Sleep, Wei Ying.” Wangji’s voice was smooth and warm, it wrapped around him securely and made him feel not only completely safe but also completely loved. That night he dreamt of Yanli’s fingers through his hair while he watched Jiang Fengmian and Madame Yu play with a young Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng and JIn Zixuan arguing over something that his fuzzy brain couldn’t make out. Behind him, a hand, big and warm, pressed to his back. When he looked up, Wangji looked down at him with a soft smile.
-----
When Wei Wuxian woke up the next morning, he felt rested in a way he hadn’t been since his teen years in his first life. He stretched his arms as he looked around the room, eyes catching on the sight of breakfast on the low table. A soft smile came to his face when he realized the normally bland food of the GusuLan sect was tinted red with spice.
“Ah, Lan Zhan,” He muttered to himself. “Too good to me.”
He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and moved to sit at the table to eat, contemplating how to get water for a bath in without scarring someone from being in his under robes or getting dressed and being scolded for not bathing first. Wei Wuxian breathed heavily out, tapping his nose as he thought. He glanced over to where the tub was and was surprised to see it filled, heating talismans pasted to the sides to keep the water warm. His heart went fuzzy at the thought of Lan Wangji doing all of this before going to handle his responsibilities, a smile crept on his face as he pictured the other man setting everything up without waking him.
When he sat at the low table to begin eating, he noticed there was a note placed alongside the food.
Brother wishes to see you when you have a chance. Eat and bathe before you go. I’ll see you after.
Momentarily, wariness flashed inside his mind. This could be the time that Zewu Jun requests him to leave, saying that his presence here has been overstayed. Especially with, what he felt, was little to no contribution. He grit his teeth at the thought, if he was no longer welcome, he would accept it. Understand even. He wouldn’t fight if that’s what the sect leader wanted. Mood dampened as he thought of how he’d say goodbye to Wangji, he chewed through his food, barely tasting it. He knew that it would be exactly how he liked it, Wangji knew him to well to do any different. He bathed as quick and efficient as possible, tempted to push the time before he had to leave, but decided to bite the bullet and get it over with.
His walk to the Hanshi was quiet and unhurried, there were few people around as he made his way, all of whom barely paid him any mind. When he arrived at the Hanshi, he took a deep breath before knocking, waiting until he was asked to enter before stepping inside.
“Hello, master Wei,” Lan Xichen was pouring two cups of tea when he walked in. Wei Wuxian bowed formally at the sect leader once he was in front of him, the other waved him upright. “Please, have a seat.”
Lan Xichen’s voice was warm and kind as always, but he was thinner than he had been and there were shadows cast along his face. Wei Wuxian observed him as he sat, accepting the proffered cup.
“I was told you wanted to see me?” His shoulders were tense as he spoke, and he made a conscious effort to relax.
“Yes, I wanted to see how you were doing. I know Cloud Recesses might feel stifling to you.” Xichen’s smile was gentle and genuine.
Wuxian paused before deciding Lan Xichen probably meant well when he asked. “It’s hard, sometimes, with all of the rules, especially the ones designed for me specifically.” He laughed awkwardly before continuing. “But I like it here. I like bugging Lan Zhan during the day, making sure his days aren’t only filled with his duties. I know they’re important, but I swear he works himself too hard. And I just,” he stopped and shook his head, face pulling into a grimace as he spoke, looking down at his tea.
“You can speak honestly with me, master Wei.” Wei Wuxian still didn’t look up, even as he nodded.
“I understand why he does so much. It’s important and he’s the best person for it right now, I just wish I could be of more help for him. He does so much. Between teaching and being Cheif Cultivator and helping the juniors on night hunts, I’m worried he’s being stretched too thin. And I ask, but he always tells me I do enough and that he can handle it. But do I really? I see the way he comes home at night, he carries the weight of the cultivation world on his shoulders and all I do is bother him during the day and almost send your uncle into qi deviation.”
His attempt at a joke felt flat even to his own ears and there was silence after his answer. For a moment he thought he may have gone too far, even in his care for Wangji, but when he risked a look at Lan Xichen, his expression shocked him. The other was smiling fondly, shaking his head slightly as he chuckled.
“I can assure you that you are doing enough, master Wei. Wangji is happy to have you here. I’m happy to have you here, Wangji tells me he finds it easier to handle the position knowing you’re here. He says that meetings seem to go a lot smoother when you’re there as well, so I think he’d be happy if you were to sit in on more meetings. You have a lot of practical skills that could prove valuable to the disciples.” Xichen looked thoughtful for a minute before continuing. “Before, when you were traveling with Wangji, the disciples you met with came back with a lot more knowledge than we’d been able to teach them. I think it would be good for you to go on night hunts with the juniors, when possible.”
“I’d be happy to, but your uncle,” Wuxian made a face as he trailed off, even as his whole body sagged with relief.
“I’ll speak to him. He’s going to want detailed reports, I’m sure. And this way you wouldn’t feel stuck here.”
“I don’t!” Wuxian was quick to correct Xichen’s wording. “I’m happy to help the juniors on night hunts, but not because I feel like I’m stuck.” Next to Lan Zhan, I’m never stuck. He thought to himself, aloud he said “I’m happy where I’m at. I really am.”
A knowing smile spread across Lan Xichen’s face at that. “I’m happy to hear it. Now, I’d like to ask what had you so worried about coming in here.”
“Ah, that’s,” He pulled his shoulder up towards his ears before relaxing again, his face pulled in a grimace. “I was worried you were going to ask me to leave. I would have, as much as I want to stay. Cloud Recesses is my-” He stopped himself before he could finish the sentence.
“I understand. Even if you aren’t ready to say it aloud. You’ll always be welcome here.”
“Thank you, Zewu Jun.” Wuxian bowed as best he could while sitting down before drinking the rest of his tea.
________
After talking with Lan Xichen, Wei Wuxian felt lighter. He even had a skip to his step as he walked to the meeting hall he knew Lan Zhan would be at. When he arrived, he opened the doors as quietly as possible, opting to stay in the back until the next matter came up. Better not to interrupt if he could help it. After all, it wouldn’t be good for Lan Zhan’s image as Excellency. Wei Wuxian leaned against the wall as he watched Wangji, listening to the other man spoke.
Wangji looked regal and ethereal, his white robes casting an air of untouchable power, his silver headpiece standing tall as he sat straight. His face was carved jade, beautiful, even in its sharp angles and hard expression.
The sect leader who was speaking hissed his words, face turning red and filling with rage as Wangji barely reacted to him.
“With all due respect, Excellency,” The man spat, “Smaller sects cannot offer all that larger sects can, to place any importance on them is outrageous!”
Something dark twisted in Wei Wuxian then, not only at the man’s words but also at his wild gesturing and tone. He scoffed loudly as he pushed himself off the wall and the man turned his rage in his direction before recoiling when he made eye contact, face paling.
“The Yiling Patriarch has no place in these meetings.” Now the man’s voice shook with fear, even as he tried to keep the anger in his voice.
“Maybe not, but you have even less place speaking to Lan Zhan like that.” As he spoke, Wei Wuxian made his way to the front of the room before planting himself next to Wangji. “But seeing as you did, that must mean I can stay.”
Lan Wangji’s expression softened the slightest bit when they made eye contact and Wei Wuxian beamed at him. In front of them, the man sputtered.
“Your Excellency, you can’t possibly allow him to-”
Wangji’s expression was harsh as he turned sharp eyes to the man, fierce gaze rendering the man silent.
“Now,” Wei Wuxian twirled Chenqing as he spoke, “What were you saying about smaller sects being less important?”
__________
The rest of the meeting was long, but no one raised their voices at Lan Wangji again, so Wei Wuxian stayed mostly silent, opting instead to stare down anyone who dared to try and provoke Lan Zhan. Only occasionally giving his opinion on matters when Wangji turned to him, question in his eyes. The man from before was still bristling with anger when Lan Zhan called the meeting to an end and murmurs could be heard from his side of the room.
“How dare he allow that dog in here and have a say.” Was heard as Wangji and Wuxian stood to leave. Wei Wuxian had opted to ignore it and started chattering, as usual, leaning into the other man as he spoke only to be startled into silence when Wangji’s hand wrapped around his wrist, coming to a stop in front of the man.
“If you do not like how I do things, you are welcome to leave.” Wangji only stopped momentarily and was quickly guiding Wuxian out of the building once more. It was only once they were alone again that Wangji spoke, his voice showing the barest hint of emotion as he turned to Wei Ying, features tensed, “Thank you for speaking on my behalf.”
“I,” Wei Ying paused, carefully observing Wangji as he spoke, worried that he might say the wrong thing. “I didn’t want to overstep in any way, but he shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I was going to allow him to talk to you like that.” His voice ended up harsher than he intended as he turned his sneer in the direction of the meeting hall before turning back to Wangji, his expression markedly softer, even as his tone was resolute. “I won’t let anyone speak to you like that.”
Wangji’s expression melted into something so soft that once again Wei Wuxian ached, mind echoing the thought he’s had so many times before as Wangji leads him away again, straying closer than before. I want this always.
____
The next several weeks followed a similar pattern; Wei Wuxian going with the juniors on a night hunt before returning home and giving his report to Lan Qiren before, depending on how late in the day it was, either joining Wangji in his meetings or retreating to the Jingshi to wait. On the nights he retreated to the Jingshi first, he made sure there was tea ready for Wangji when he returned, pouring a cup for the other as he unwound from the long meetings and letter writing.
Sometimes, on the evenings when Wangji was especially stressed and the world weighed his shoulders down and the barest of tension could be seen in the slight furrow of his brow, Wei Wuxian would sit behind him and carefully unwind the large headpiece from his hair. He’d wait for Wangji to remove his headband so he could comb through the long strands, carefully working his way through until the other would sigh quietly and relax his rigid posture, listening to Wei Ying ramble about the day or the most recent night hunt.
It was on one of those nights when Wangji didn’t relax as he normally would, prompting Wei Wuxian to worry. He waited until he finished combing the other’s hair before sitting to face him, carefully observing him as he asked, “I didn’t get to go to the meetings with you today, did something happen?”
Wangji shook his head, a flicker of something like anger flashing in his eyes before it was gone. “Sect Leader Jiang sent word that he would be coming soon.”
Wei Wuxian inhaled sharply, averting his eyes to a spot just past Wangji as he said “Should I leave for a while then? I wonder if Huaisang would house me for a bit.”
“No,” Wangji’s answer was abrupt and brought Wei Wuxian’s eyes back to his in surprise, “You will stay here. I know its not Lotus Pier, but this is your home too. Do not allow Jiang Wanyin to run you out. I won’t allow it.”
A bubble of fondness floated to his chest and warmth spread through his body forcing a bright smile to his face even as tears sprang to his eyes. Cloud Recesses definitely was not Lotus Pier, but it was still good. Still home.
That night he slept curled into Wangji’s side, dreaming of soft smiles and warm eyes.
As it would turn out, ‘soon’ meant a day or two later, Lan Wangji came to get him to greet the Jiang Sect while he was working with the juniors. Wei Wuxian greeted the other brightly when he noticed the other hovering to the side, before turning his attention back to the junior whos form he was trying to fix.
“Wei Ying,” Wangji stepped forward and Wei waved him off.
“Okay, kids. We have to go do grown-up stuff.” He pat Jingyi’s head and shot a wink and a softly laughing Sizhui, walking away as the junior grumbled about not being children anymore. Snorting softly before beaming brightly at Wangji. “Hi, Lan Zhan.”
“Wei Ying,” Wangji graced him with a small smile before turning to take the path back to the main gates.
“Where are we going? Taking a trip to Caiyi Town?” Wei Wuxian latched onto Wangji’s arm as they walked.
“Greeting visitors.” Wei Wuxain tapped his nose in response to that, pouting a bit before brightening again.
“Who’s coming? And how proper do I have to be for you? Full “His Excellency and his humble Yiling Laozu?” Wei Wuxian made a show of bowing to the other and earned a small smile for his troubles.
“Just Wei Ying.” Was all Wangji said and Wei Wuxian laughed before attaching himself to the other’s arm again.
Wangji had tensed by the time they reached the gates and it took seeing the purple robes that marked the Yunmeng Jiang sect for him to realize why. He’d forgotten that Jiang Cheng was coming and started to pull away from Wangji, hoping to save him from some of the other’s wrath. Wangji didn’t let him get very far, however, and Wei Wuxian risked a glance at him.
“Are you sure you want me to be here when you greet them?” Wangji barely spared him a glance and then it was too late, Jiang Cheng’s face twisted as he took in the sight as they approached.
“Your Excellency, thank you for having us.” Jiang Cheng bowed respectfully, even as he glared at Wei Wuxian.
“Welcome, Sect Leader Jiang.” Wangji and Wei Wuxian bowed in sync. “We have guest rooms already prepared for you and the company you brought.” Wangji’s tone was clipped but polite.
“Far away from him , I hope.” Jiang Cheng’s tone was no harsher than Wei Wuxian had been expecting. It still hurt and he flinched in response.
“Wei Ying is not a guest,” Was all Wangji said as he turned and lead the company back into the compound. If things were different, Wei Wuxian would have stuck his tongue out at the man he still considered his brother, even if the feelings weren’t reciprocated.
Things had changed and truths were out that hadn’t been before. But the spark of hope he held that they might be able to rekindle their relationship or, if not, start over had been squashed by the man’s angry greeting. During the time when Wei Wuxian traveled without Wangji by his side, he had stopped by Yunmeng for a few days, Jiang Cheng had found him and brought him back to Lotus Pier, setting him up in a guest room. They’d had dinner together, drinking silently together during his time there before Jiang Cheng lashed out at him. The words and tone had been reminiscent of how things had been before, in his first life before everything fell apart, and Wei Wuxian thought maybe, after a while, they might be able to really talk things out. But once Wei Wuxian had left again, not wanting to outstay his welcome, any letters he sent had not been returned.
“We can meet again after you’re settled.” Wangji’s waited only for a nod before bowing and turning to leave. Quickly, Wei Wuxian bowed respectfully.
“Please let us know if you need anything, Sect Leader Jiang.” Wei Wuxian risked a look at Jiang Cheng’s face. His brother looked like he’d been struck before his face twisted in anger.
“You!” Jiang Cheng clenched his jaw before taking a deep breath and turning to stomp into the guest room.
Wei Wuxian and Wangji walked side by side to the building where they would meet with Jiang Cheng. When they arrived, Wangji sat gracefully on his usual cushion before pulling Wei Wuxian down and into him. The second he was in his arms, tears flowed through Wei Wuxian’s eyes.
“I know I told him to put it in the past. And I knew that it would most likely mean that he’d put me in the past too, but Wangji I miss my brother. And I miss my sister. And Uncle Jiang and even Madame Yu.” Tears were soaking through Wangji’s robes as Wei Wuxian cried, “I can’t regret what I did for the Wens but I wish things had turned out different. All I was trying to do was keep our promise and so many people got hurt because of me.”
It took some time for Wei Wuxian to calm down enough to stop crying, and even longer for his ragged breathing to even out. He focused on matching his breathing to the calming pace Wangji set. Eventually, he was calm and the only sound in the room was the soft sounds of breathing and the occasional sniffing. Lips pressed to his hair before Wangji spoke, his voice deep as it reverberated through the quiet space.
“You did everything you could. The decisions you made were difficult, and you did your best.” Wei Wuxian’s eyes fluttered shut in an effort to stop the tears that were forming again. “We have all made mistakes. Some stick with us more than others, but mistakes made with good intentions are better than staying silent as injustice happens.” Wangji was silent for a moment before whispering reverently into his hair, “I have never been more grateful for Mo Xuanyu’s sacrifice just to have you alive and safe again. And no matter what happens with Jiang Cheng, I am here for you.”
Before he could respond, a knock sounded at the door and a disciple led Jiang Cheng into the room before bowing respectfully and taking his leave, shutting the door behind him. Jiang Cheng stared at the two for a moment, face turned in a sneer before rolling his eyes and sitting on the cushion across the table from them. They each drank a cup of tea before getting to business. Wei Wuxian focused on an uneven spot of the wooden table, only half listening to their conversation.
He didn’t know how long exactly had passed, but the shadows in the room were longer when he zoned back in as Wangji carefully pushed Wei Wuxian off of him. “I’ll be right back, stay here.” Before getting up to speak to someone who was waiting at the door.
He risked a look at Jiang Cheng, the other was watching Wangji with blatant disdain, but when he spoke, he was clearly addressing Wei Wuxian. “When did you come to Cloud Recesses.”
“Not long after I left Lotus Pier.” Wei Wuxian spoke quietly, worried about setting Jiang Cheng off.
“You always choose him.” the Over me , was left unspoken. Wei Wuxian didn’t know what to say but still opened his mouth to try before being cut off. “You always said it would be you and me, and I know you said to put it in the past, but I can’t. I need to know why. I need to understand why it was always someone else. Lan Wangji, the Wens. Why couldn’t I be enough for you?” Wei Wuxain inhaled sharply at the tears that swelled in Jiang Cheng’s eyes even as his tone was angry.
“You were.”
“I wasn’t. Otherwise, you would have stayed.” The anger gave way to pain as he turned to Wei Wuxian.
“I couldn’t sit by and let injustice happen. Not when I had a chance to change it. People were already turning against me, I couldn’t drag you along with me.”
“You’ve always been better than me. Everyone said so. You should have fought and proved them wrong.”
“I wanted to do good by you. I wanted to do good by everyone. But I wasn’t able to and then it was too much and I lost control. You lost so much because of me, and I’ll never be able to change or fix that.”
“Why didn’t you stay at Lotus Pier? We barely had time to talk and then you were gone.”
“I didn’t want you to feel pressured to have me around. And then, when I sent letters, you never returned them. I assumed you didn’t want anything to do with me.” Zidian crackled at his words and Wei Wuxian bit his lip.
“Can’t you come home? We’ll fight and scream but we’ll eventually work it out. We always did.”
Jiang Cheng’s face was open as he begged, tears streaming down his face.
“I want to work it out with you. Jiang Cheng, you will always be my brother.”
“But?”
“But, my home is with Wangji. I can’t leave him again.” Jiang Cheng’s expression morphed into anger once more.
“Why is his pain worth more than mine?” Jiang Cheng stood up and Wei Wuxian was quick to follow, Zidian crackled in warning as he stormed away. Wei Wuxian wanted to follow, to fix things, but they both needed time.
The next day, and the day after, Wei Wuxian avoided Jiang Cheng as best as he could. Doing his best not to mope around and worry Wangji, he could tell he was still worrying the other, even when he didn’t press. Instead, pulling him closer at night in an effort to shut the nightmares out.
On the third day, Wei Wuxian was training the juniors again when he turned and caught sight of Jiang Cheng and Wangji talking over on the path. Wangji was clearly angry as he spoke causing Jiang Cheng to flinch. Quickly, he dismissed the group before rushing to the two men on the path. Behind him, Sizhui and Jingyi followed but Wei Wuxian paid them little mind.
“You got everything, you!” Jiang Cheng was spitting when Wei Wuxian finally reached them. Wangji just shook his head as he glared at the other.
“What’s going on?”
“Huanguang Jun!” Sizhui and Jingyu chorused behind him.
“Jiang Wanyin, watch what you say to him,” Wangji warned.
“Me? Watch what I say to him? I can say whatever I want, you can’t stop me.” Wangji took a step forward before Wei Wuxian jumped in front of him.
“Lan Zhan! What’s going on? Please calm down. Talk to me!” Wei Wuxian pleaded, trying to catch Wangji’s eyes. When he finally did, he stepped closer to him. “Tell me what’s going on, please.”
“You’ve been miserable since your talk with him the other day. I didn’t want him making it worse.”
“I’m allowed to talk to my brother.” Jiang Cheng scoffed and Wei Wuxian froze momentarily. Long enough for Wangji’s attention to move from him to the sect leader behind him.
“Not if you’re going to make him cry like that.”
“Lan Zhan!”
“Senior Wei, what’s happening?” Everyone turned to the juniors at the same time, Jiang Cheng was watching them carefully, as if waiting to see what they’ll do. Sizhui looked concerned, but Jingyi was looking at Jiang Cheng with open contempt.
“Its okay, guys. It’s probably a misunderstanding. Sect Leader Jiang and I,”
“Stop calling me that!” Jiang Cheng snapped.
“Jiang Cheng and I,” Wei Wuxian sent a look to Jiang Cheng before turning back to the juniors. “Will talk things out. You two don’t have to worry. It’ll be okay.”
“But what if,” Sizhui cut off Jingyi before he could finish.
“You’ll come talk to us after right? I know that you all need to talk by yourselves, but we want to make sure you’re okay.”
“God, you have everyone on your side, Wei Wuxian. I’m such a bad guy,” Jiang Cheng spat.
“Can you stop? For one second, please, Jiang Cheng.” He rolled his eyes and looked away so Wei Wuxian turned back to the juniors.
“I promise I’ll come talk to you if it isn’t past curfew.” Jingyi looked like he was going to protest, but Sizhui nodded before bowing and dragging Jingyi away.
“Let’s go somewhere to talk.”
They ended up back where they had spoken a few days prior. Wei Wuxian had tried his best to get Wangji to go for a bit so they could talk, but Wangji refused. Sighing, Wei Wuxian sank into the cushion and put his head in his hands.
“What happened?”
“I was coming to talk to you when he ,” Jiang Cheng spat the word, “came over to threaten me.” Wangji didn’t say anything in response, keeping sharp eyes focused on Jiang Cheng in the same way one would keep an eye on someone who was likely to attack at any second.
“Okay, what did you want to talk about?”
“I wanted to finish the conversation from before.”
Wei Wuxian sighed heavily before turning to Wangji, “Are you sure you want to be here for this conversation? It might get ugly, but we have to hash it out if we want things to get better.”
“Mn,” Was all Wangji replied and Wei Wuxian sighed again.
“Jiang Cheng, I need you to listen to me closely because I’m probably about to ruin every bit of happiness I have here. Do you understand?” Jiang Cheng scoffed but nodded. “When I said I couldn’t leave him again, I meant for myself. I was miserable without him by my side. Too many times I would see something and want to turn to him to tell about it but couldn’t because he went home to Cloud Recesses and I didn’t belong here. I didn’t belong anywhere. I wasn’t even supposed to be alive again.” Both Wangji and Jiang Cheng flinched at that. “But I am and all I wanted was to have a relationship with you again and have Lan Zhan by my side. Maybe not how I want, but I get him. And somehow, shockingly, he allows me to stay. But I can’t go back to Lotus Pier. Yes, it’s my home. It will always be my home, but I cannot leave him.” Tears had welled in his eyes as he spoke and he carefully avoided looking at Wangji. He took a few breaths for saying, quieter, “I don’t want to leave him.”
Behind him, Wangji took a sharp breath and when he dared to look, there were tears in Wangji’s eyes as he openly stared at him. Steeling himself, he turned back to Jiang Cheng.
“Your pain matters and it’s important. It has always mattered. Forgive me for not realizing you were in pain. I should have noticed.” A sob burst out of Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian pulled him into a hug, holding his brother as he fell apart.
“You have to come visit Lotus Pier.” Jiang Cheng spoke when he finally calmed down. “If you don’t I’ll come here and drag you there myself.”
Wei Wuxian laughed wetly, “I will, I promise.”
Eventually, Jiang Cheng left to go to his guest rooms, tired after the emotional conversation. After he left, Wei Wuxian sagged against Wangji who pulled him onto his back. Wei Wuxian was too tired to protest and allowed the other to carry him to the Jingshi. Once they were on the path leading up to the house, Wangji spoke up.
“Did you mean what you said to Jiang Wanyin about me?” Wangji’s voice was quiet, almost as if he was afraid of the answer.
“Yes,” Wei Wuxian murmured quietly, pausing before decided to take the plunge. What’s a little risk when the reward could be so good, his mind supplied. “I am so in love with you. I want you however you’ll have me. I want you today, I wanted you when I was a teenager, and I’ll want you tomorrow. And in ten years. I want you always. Even if you don’t want me,” he stopped, his heart twinging painfully as he thought about what would happen if Wangji didn’t want him.
Wangji opened the door to the Jinghsi and walked to the bed, setting Wei Wuxian gently down before going back to close them. He paused facing the doors, speaking so quietly Wei Wuxian almost didn’t hear it. “Please promise me you’re being honest.”
“I am,” He stood and strode over to Wangji, reaching out before catching himself, his hand hovering in the air. “I promise. Lan Zhan, all I want is you. However you’ll have me.”
Wangji’s whole body sagged as he turned around, tears in his eyes. “I love Wei Ying. I want you always. I want to spend the rest of my days with you. You’re my soulmate, my everything. My Wei Ying.” His hands had come up to cup Wei Wuxian’s face as he pressed their foreheads together. The cold metal of Wangji’s headband contrasting with the heat of his skin.
“Lan Zhan, you have me. I’m yours. Always.” Wangji inhaled sharply, searching the other’s eyes. After a moment he leans in and presses his lips to Wei Wuxian’s. Soft and reverent, full of all the love he’d been holding for the other.
That night, cuddled into each other as they laid down to sleep, Wei Wuxian could help but think how lucky he was. He had made mistakes in the past, but he had a second chance with his brother and he gets to spend the rest of his life with the man he loves more than anything. He’d have to remember to talk to the juniors in the morning, but for now, as he watches Wangji, eyes falling closed as sleep overtakes him, all he can think is I want you always.