Chapter Text
“Okay,” she growled reluctantly, after seriously re-assessing her situation. “We gotta work together on this.”
The Master gave her a mildly amused grin. She couldn't see it, while being tied to his back with firm ropes, but she knew it was there nonetheless.
She could hear it in his voice.
“Came to that conclusion, did you? All by yourself?”
The Doctor figured he was probably alluding to the fact that he had told her so several hours before, when she had agreed, then pushed him down a low hill and ran away, while shouting “The troublemaker! I found him! The troublemaker is falling down that hill!” all over the little, peace-loving village.
She wasn't entirely to blame, really.
“They expect us to stop fighting.”
“Don't you say.”
“So maybe it's best if you drop the sarcasm.”
The Master snorted.
“I told you this is a peaceful planet that punishes any kinds of fights with harsh penalties, did I not? I told you, let's not do this here, and what did you do, exactly, Doctor?”
“Excuse me,” she hissed back, shifting uncomfortably in their restraints to turn her head towards him. It forced him to go along with her movement and she grinned as she saw him struggling to still sit upright. “Are you blaming me for not believing you? When have you ever told me the truth, huh? Plus. Peaceful planets without any trouble allowed ever.... Thought they were a myth. In all my life, I've never seen a purely peaceful planet. The last one was destroyed by you.”
The Master giggled.
“That was fun.”
“No, it was not,” the Doctor sighed. “But that's not the point. The point is. We're going to have to... stop fighting.”
“Oh golly,” the Master announced, attempting a shrug, but giving up on that again quickly, as he remembered he was tied up and the Doctor started swinging with his movements behind him. “Is that how it's done? After centuries of battling each other, we just decide to stop? Oh, if only I'd known.”
The Doctor rolled her eyes.
“Here he is, the picture of innocence, pretending I was the one looking for fights even once.”
“The Death Zone,” the Master called back loudly. “I came in...”
“Oh my God,” the Doctor talked over him. “Not that again, it's been half a millennium, let it go.”
“I came in,” the Master repeated even louder. “To save you! And you stole my official seal, drove past me, stole my teleport, left me to die with the Cybermen and punched me!”
“Okay, once then,” the Doctor shouted. “I was looking for a fight once! And I did not punch you.... then. What about all the times you tried to kill me? Care to have a count? We'll be quite busy, but it doesn't seem like we'll have anything better to do anytime soon!”
“I hardly think this is going to be very product...-”
“It all started on Gallifrey,” the Doctor announced. “When you set my house on fire.”
“I didn't like your new curtains,” the Master mumbled.
“You tried to choke me to death with a phone cable...”
“You pushed me into a black hole!” he shouted.
The Doctor pretended she hadn't heard him.
“Tried to summon a powerful alien and sacrifice me and my friend...”
“You trapped me in a time loop!”
“Pushed me off a radio tower and laughed when I regenerated....”
“You let me burn to death on Sarn!”
They both turned their heads as far as they could, and their glances met.
“Okay,” the Doctor finally sighed. “It's true. I'm not proud of that one.”
“We gotta get out of here, Doctor,” the Master sighed, his body sinking together slightly behind her. She could feel his shoulders loosen and bit her lower lip worriedly.
“I know. But they said we're not getting our trial before we've... made peace. So. We gotta stop blaming ourselves for the last 2000 years and come up with some uhm... friendshippy feelings here.”
The Master's nose scrunched in apparent effort.
“You're... errrr... smart?”
“So are you,” the Doctor sighed. “Well done. Anything else you don't hate about me?”
She didn't catch the Master's very quick, and very telling side glance towards her general direction.
“Well, you're... f....” he stopped himself, staring at the floor darkly.
She turned her head back to him, rolling her eyes.
“You really can't say it? Just say I'm funny. What about it?”
“I don't like you,” he spit back. “Giving you compliments isn't exactly prime entertainment for me.”
She sighed once again and mumbled something that sounded like “toxic arch-enmity”.
“Fine then,” she finally said out loud. “I do like you. I think you're brilliant and you can be hilarious, which is not news to me, because you were always making me laugh in the middle of lessons, back when we were kids. You're adventurous and fearless and oozing charm. You went the wrong path and I will never condone that, but you've... you've been my best friend. I've not forgotten that.”
There was a little silence following after that. The Master did not move, it was as if he had been frozen in place.
“There,” the Doctor added, quietly, after a while of waiting for him to react. “Wasn't that difficult. Your turn.”
“I think you're annoying,” the Master growled. “Utterly obnoxious. Arrogant and condescending, while pretending to be above that kind of notion, while pretending to be a saint. Careless, while pretending to care. A hypocrite in absolutely everything you do.” He stopped, and the Doctor, frowning deeply, opened her mouth to explain that his had very much not been the task, when he suddenly went on. “But you're my obnoxious, arrogant, careless hypocrite and no matter how often I begged the universe, threatened the universe to let it be enough to hate you, it's not. So there. Oh, and you're funny. Happy now?”
The Doctor considered that quietly.
“I think that was too much of a backhanded compliment for me to be able to tell,” she finally replied, with genuine confusion in her voice and the Master snorted, a hoarse laugh spilling from his lips.
That's when the doors opened.
“We have sensed more peaceful vibrations around you two now,” one of the aliens said, the lightness in his voice making his words sound like a song. “We can now begin the trial.”
They took a deep breath, exchanging a relieved look. At least, this odyssey was finally going to end now. Trials were good. She could do trials. Both of them knew how to talk themselves out of tricky situations. It was going to be fine now.
Nothing was going to be fine.
This was, quite frankly, quickly turning into a disaster.
All of the weird, duck-like faces were looking down on them listlessly, as they were standing in the middle of the little room, trying to defend themselves. Their beaks were trembling in obvious discomfort whenever their voices got louder or one of them interrupted the other – The Doctor had never seen a species quite as addicted to harmony as they seemed to be.
At least they had freed them of their restraints. Relieved to finally be able to move again, the Doctor wandered up and down the whole room several times.
“We have acquired your files from Gallifrey,” the alien that apparently was their judge, announced to the room.
“What?” the Master asked, in the same moment as the Doctor called, “Files? What files?”.
The alien ignored them both.
“Your government seemed very eager to give you two the help you so desperately need.”
“They have files of us?” the Master picked up on it in the same moment, the Doctor muttered “Of course they were, they always hated our guts,” under her breath.
Disapproving looks hit her, as some aliens in the crowd started shuddering.
“Sorry,” she added louder. “Sorry. I meant to say... they always... err... were a bit disappointed in us.”
The Master gave her a look that clearly said “Understatement of the year” but she shrugged – She simply wanted this to be over with as soon as possible.
On the judge's huge, bald forehead appeared a frown.
“This clearly states that the two of you are married.”
Shocked silence followed.
“What?” the Master finally sputtered, while the Doctor raised her hands, shaking her head hastily. “No, no, no, this is a mistake...”
The alien looked up at them with inquiring look on his face.
“Your names are the Doctor and the Master, no?”
They exchanged horrified glances.
“Well... yes,” the Doctor finally conceded, when she realised the Master was in too much of a shock to speak. “But... you see... we were married once. For... a week or something. Can't have been long.” She gave a nervous laugh as she walked up to him. “That was around two thousand years ago. He's tried to ki...- Tickle me five hundred times since. At least.”
“These files do not list a divorce.” The judge was staring at them with unblinking eyes. “You have been married for 2578 years.”
The Doctor and the Master exchanged another gaze. His brown eyes, usually full of contempt, were very clearly calling for help now.
“Yes. No. Not officially divorced, but you see...” another nervous laugh slipped out. “There have been several murder attempts by my... my... ex husband since. Some of them successful, even. I would say, that counts as a divorce, doesn't it?”
“It says here instead of dying, Time Lords regenerate. Is it customary for your people to consider yourselves divorced after having died?” the alien looked interested and the Doctor realised they had no such concepts as “murder attempts” on their planet.
“Well, no, but...”
“Then there has been no divorce. You are married.”
“But...” the Master now called out, only to be interrupted.
“Marriage is a sacred bond of love. Therefore, the world of Fried'en will serve as your marriage counsellor until peace and tranquillity of your bond has been restored again. You shall live in our village together, your hostility levels closely monitored.”
And with that, two people were stepping towards them, attaching two white wristbands on their arms that snapped closed with a horribly resounding clicking sound, faster than they could even react. The Doctor reached for her sonic screwdriver, but she didn't have it on her anymore. The Master was looking from his own wristband to her, eyes wide in terror.
“These will glare red if there is any level of hostility between you two,” the judge explained casually. “We'll be informed whenever this happens. You'll have a counsellor to talk to you once a week. We have put up containment fields around the village that make it impossible for you to leave, for as long as you're wearing these bracelets. You will not be able to take them off, until we decide our work is done and peace restored.”
“We'll see about that,” the Master growled under his breath, but no one but the Doctor heard him.
With heavy hearts, they were led out of the court room, into the aisles leading back out to the village.
One of the Friedianers, who had sat in the crowd stepped towards them. The Doctor could tell from the sound of her singing voice, that she was a female.
“I am Kristiane,” she greeted them cheerfully. “Your new marriage counsellor. I'll show you where you will live. Follow me.”