Chapter Text
Wang Yibo was nine-years old when he first met his babysitter.
The young teen was named Xiao Zhan. He was six years older than Yibo and Yibo thought the guy looked a little frumpy. He wore big glasses and a huge sweater, his hair all messed up from the outside breeze. With his chubby cheeks, Xiao Zhan looked like he could have passed as a thirteen year old if he weren’t so tall.
When his babysitter approached him, Yibo subconsciously hid behind his mother’s legs.
“Hi, Yibo. My name is Xiao Zhan but you can call me Zhan-gege.” The young man squatted to his level and extended his hand towards him. At first Yibo didn’t want to take it, but then Xiao Zhan’s lips curled up into a wide smile, his big eyes crinkling into crescents and Yibo’s initial impression was, wow he’s pretty.
Hesitantly, he came out behind his mother and reached for Xiao Zhan’s hand. In a soft voice, he murmured, “Zhan-gege,” which had Xiao Zhan grinning happier than before. Yibo could feel his own mouth stretching into a smile.
Seeing that Yibo was in good hands, his mother left for work after touring Xiao Zhan around the house and giving him a list of things Yibo liked and disliked. His father was out on a business trip which was why they needed a babysitter in the first place. Yibo had protested to having a babysitter at first, saying that he was old enough by himself and that he didn't need looking after.
But this Xiao Zhan looked like an okay kind of guy (a pushover if Yibo had ever seen one) and decided to give this babysitter a try. Maybe, if Yibo were annoying enough, Xiao Zhan would quit on the first week.
When they were alone for the first time, Yibo immediately pulled Xiao Zhan to his room, showing off his collection of Lego sets.
"Wow, that's a lot of Lego. You want to play?" Xiao Zhan asked, smiling down at him.
Yibo shouted, “Yeah!”
Throughout the day, his babysitter indulged him in all of his requests, playing and gaming with him until Yibo tired himself out. Xiao Zhan gently tucked him into bed, and remembered to keep the lights on outside and the door open a bit for Yibo.
Seeing how Xiao Zhan kept in mind Yibo’s fear of the dark when even his parents sometimes forgot made Wang Yibo feel that maybe Zhan-gege wasn’t so bad afterall.
When he was ten years old, Xiao Zhan had become a sort of permanent fixture in his life. Every weekday, his babysitter would drop by his house once school was finished and watch over him until either of his parents came home at night.
Yibo discovered that aside from his lack of gaming skills, Xiao Zhan could cook really well. Yibo never feared of getting hungry with Xiao Zhan around.
He could also sing which was a huge plus in Yibo’s books because Yibo had always aspired to become an artist some day.
He told Xiao Zhan once, "I'm going to perform on the big stage and have a ton of fans screaming my name when I’m older."
Instead of a tolerant smile and bland response, Xiao Zhan had grinned and told him that he couldn't wait for the day Yibo became a famous celebrity. He was sure Yibo would achieve his dreams and requested him to save a ticket for him once he had a concert in the future.
Yibo promised. After all, Xiao Zhan was the first person who had ever truly believed in him.
At night before bed, Yibo would ask Zhan-gege to sing him a lullaby, even though Yibo knew lullabies were for babies and kids who still wet their beds. But he liked Xiao Zhan’s voice and whenever he chose one of the songs from his church choir, Yibo would sometimes ponder while on the verge of sleep, is this how an angel sings?
When Yibo was eleven, he realized Xiao Zhan meant something more to him than just an older friend who still babysat him until now. He realized it when he saw Xiao Zhan’s smile in a sea of people, cheering and supporting him after Yibo had danced his heart out in front of the whole student body. At that moment, he could only stare at his Zhan-gege like he and him were the only two people in the world.
And Xiao Zhan being there in the crowd, when none of his parents could come, was more of a reward than winning first place in that dance competition.
Being around Xiao Zhan was like playing a new video game for the first time. You couldn’t take your eyes away for a single second and every moment was fun, exciting and new. You just never wanted it to end.
Which was why Yibo could never bring himself to say ‘yes’ when his parents would ask him each year if he wanted to stop having a babysitter already.
Yibo liked having Xiao Zhan around. He liked eating his cooking and listening to him sing whenever Yibo asked. He liked it when the older would hold him in his embrace after Yibo had a nightmare or he was too scared to sleep in the dark.
He liked being able to teach the older how to dance even though Xiao Zhan could only flop his limbs around at most— his posture wrong and his gait awkward. Despite Yibo hating it when he’d see people getting steps wrong during dance class, Xiao Zhan fumbling around but trying his best never failed to bring a smile on Yibo’s face.
Xiao Zhan was different, he knew. He actually tried to listen whenever Yibo corrected him, didn’t treat him like he was superior just because of his age. And really, sometimes Yibo forgot how old Xiao Zhan was (already seventeen at this point) because he still acted like he could be someone from Yibo’s group of friends.
He didn’t feel shy or embarrassed when he’d open up to Xiao Zhan about his dreams. Yibo had even entertained the notion of having the older be a part of it, of forming a group together with him as the main dancer and Xiao Zhan as the main vocalist. It would have been perfect.
But Xiao Zhan liked photography and design. He liked to express himself through the creativity of his fingertips, and Yibo wanted to respect that like how his Zhan-gege always respected his.
When Yibo had to be hospitalized for his heart inflammation, Xiao Zhan visited him several times. When he grew disheartened that he may not be able to dance again, Xiao Zhan encouraged him day by day, telling him, “You can do anything you put your mind and heart to, Wang Yibo. Never think this as a setback but as a call to become stronger and better.”
Xiao Zhan had even drawn him beautiful pictures that kept him company through the lonely days sitting on his hospital bed. When Yibo had seen the drawing of a grown up version of himself singing on stage, Yibo almost wept. He sniffled only slightly and raised teary eyes to Xiao Zhan, asking him the most absurd question ever, “Will you marry me?”
He had expected the older to laugh at him, rejecting him because he was too young. But the look of surprise on his face morphed into one of contemplation.
“Okay!” He declared and Yibo’s eyes widened in disbelief, heart palpitating. Xiao Zhan continued, “But marriage… I think that’s a little too fast. I’ll date you if you keep yourself healthy and manage to achieve your dreams.” He nodded with a grin.
Yibo almost wilted against his pillows, before he reinvigorated himself with the thought that he would definitely become an idol in the future. And not just any idol, but the top of the top!
He would make Xiao Zhan see that his belief in him was all worth it!
When Yibo was twelve, he found out that although Xiao Zhan was his entire world, Yibo wasn’t his.
Of course, Xiao Zhan was surrounded by people other than Wang Yibo. But when Xiao Zhan would invite his friends over in his house while Yibo was visiting, it made him sullen and prone to temper tantrums. He would sometimes declare to them,
“I want to play with Zhan-gege!”
“Zhan-gege is mine.”
But every time he did, he was treated like a joke, like a little child that wanted his big brother’s attention. It was annoying, especially when Xiao Zhan would laugh and play along. Words that he had used to love hearing from the older male suddenly made Yibo mad like “cute” or “kid” or “too young”.
Xiao Zhan was eighteen now, a grown man. He was taller than Yibo, had a deeper voice, and he had lost the baby fat on his cheeks which sharpened his features, making him look all the more gorgeous in Yibo’s eyes.
But it made him more of a catch to others as well.
It frustrated Yibo that he hadn’t been born the same age as Xiao Zhan, that he couldn’t attend the same grade as him and be a part of his circle of friends. He no longer wanted to be treated as if he were still Zhan-gege’s little didi but as someone special.
Ultimately, Yibo was scared that when he was finally old enough to date Xiao Zhan, the older might have already met someone and fallen in love with them. That he’d be married and become someone else’s before Yibo even had the chance to ask him out on a date.
His fears became all the more true when he peeked into Xiao Zhan’s room one late afternoon and saw something he never should have seen.
Xiao Zhan being with another man.
Yibo was meant to still be napping in the guest room downstairs but he had woken up to use the toilet. When he realized Xiao Zhan was nowhere in sight, he came up to look for him.
Who would have known that one of his friends, the guy with the motorcycle that Yibo had seen a few times, would visit gege’s home and decide to make out with Xiao Zhan on his bed.
Yibo felt the strong urge to barge in there and make them stop, pushing that man away from Xiao Zhan. But at the same time, he was rooted to the spot, shocked and dazed at the scene before him.
He could only watch and listen as the man told Xiao Zhan, “Hey, let’s do it.”
“What?” Xiao Zhan whispered, face flushed and lips swollen, “N-No, I can’t. Yibo’s napping downstairs. He might hear us.”
“As long as you stay quiet.” The man trailed kisses down Xiao Zhan’s neck, pulling his shirt up so he could suck on his chest. Xiao Zhan was lying on his back with his friend on top of him, swallowing his groans as his nipples were licked. The man continued, grinning lewdly, “He’ll never find out.”
Then he proceeded to strip Xiao Zhan’s pants and give him what Yibo assumed to be a blow job. It was the first time Yibo had ever seen his Zhan-gege lose all self-control before.
It was like he was seeing an entirely new side of him— an open and vulnerable Xiao Zhan with eyes wet and expression pinched in pleasure. He was participating in something Yibo knew grown-ups only did behind closed doors and he knew he shouldn’t still be standing there watching this private moment happen in front of him. But since when did Yibo follow what he should or shouldn’t be doing?
So he watched as Xiao Zhan’s friend stripped his gege naked, eyes roving over a slim waist, lanky arms and long, long legs. He heard Xiao Zhan’s moan before it was quickly muffled by a kiss, their tongues peeking out to battle against one another.
He watched as the man used his fingers to play with Xiao Zhan’s rear, doing things that Yibo never imagined was possible.
He watched as Xiao Zhan was taken by the man who had groaned in bliss once inside him. “W-Why do you have to be so—?” Xiao Zhan didn’t finish his sentence but it seemed like his friend knew what he wanted to say as he laughed.
He replied, “I know you like it big, Zhan Zhan. Don’t deny it.” Xiao Zhan’s face grew beet red and he didn’t respond. He only wrapped his legs around his friend’s waist as the man began to move back and forth against him.
Yibo had only been exposed to porn a handful of times (thanks to classmates who brought certain materials to class) but he’d never imagined until now that such a dirty and naughty act could happen to someone as pure and gentle as his Zhan-gege.
“Hurry… w-we can’t do this— ah— for long.” Xiao Zhan said, gasping and panting, the sweat making his body gleam. “Yibo… might wake up soon.”
Yibo almost jolted, feeling his face burn when he heard Xiao Zhan saying his name in that breathy voice.
“Stop thinking about your precious didi for one second and focus on the now.” His friend grunted, snapping his hips faster which got Xiao Zhan biting his lips, pitiful moans building in his throat as he scratched down his friend’s back.
Then Xiao Zhan convulsed, head thrown back and mouth open in a silent scream, looking as if he were drowning in pleasure. He was hugging his friend close to his chest as the man thrust his hips once more before he too trembled and groaned into Xiao Zhan’s shoulder.
Yibo couldn’t tear his eyes away from the flushed skin of Xiao Zhan’s chest to the redness of his cheeks. He looked pretty even like that, with sweat soaked bangs sticking to his face and still gasping for breath.
When he brought his legs down, Yibo shifted his gaze to Xiao Zhan’s lower half, blushing even more when he caught sight of the man’s dick in his gege’s rear before his friend pulled out of him. It made Xiao Zhan wince, hand reaching down to touch his fluttering hole which looked flushed and wet after a rough round like that.
Unable to bear standing there any longer, Yibo ran back to his room without letting the two occupants know that he had been there in the first place.
He sat on the guest room bed with thoughts rolling and heart racing as he recalled what he’d just seen.
That was Xiao Zhan, his Zhan-gege, having sex with his friend. Or his boyfriend rather.
He realized then how far apart their worlds were, how the gap in their ages made it so Yibo was so far behind Xiao Zhan that he could only reach his back, never standing side by side like equals. Yibo clenched his hands into fists, gritting his teeth and eyes prickling with tears full of anger, frustration, sorrow and hopelessness.
How could he win Xiao Zhan’s heart when there were others clearly gaining more ground than him for his gege’s affections?
When Xiao Zhan came down to check on him, Yibo was still wrapped up in his blankets, unwilling to see his gege and that friend together. Yibo felt Xiao Zhan sit beside him and tuck his blankets even tighter around him, thinking he was still asleep. But as the older was about to stand and leave, Yibo reached out to catch his wrist.
Surprised, Xiao Zhan turned back to look.
“Don’t leave.” He murmured, staring at Xiao Zhan. He could see a bright red mark peeking out from the corner of his gege’s collar and he gripped the older tighter.
Xiao Zhan’s lips curled into a smile, “I won’t.” Then he got in under the blankets beside Yibo and hugged the younger to his side. Yibo was relieved to smell his gege’s familiar body soap on him and nothing else. Yibo hugged Xiao Zhan tight and closed his eyes, wishing he could keep this man in his arms forever.
But Yibo knew that the him now wasn’t enough.
He was far from it.
When Yibo was thirteen, he entered a dance competition which got him scouted by an entertainment agency. They wanted him in Korea where he would train for years until they decided to debut him in a boy group.
Wang Yibo agreed without hesitation.
He told his parents who thankfully agreed to his decision, though it took some discussing and getting all the safety regulations accounted for with the agency. He packed his bags and was ready to leave but Yibo felt a heavy weight in his chest for not seeing Xiao Zhan one last time.
So he asked to stop by Xiao Zhan’s house first and left his bag in the car. When he rang the doorbell, the person who greeted him was thankfully none other than his beautiful, kind and humble Xiao Zhan.
Yibo took a minute to just look at him, committing his face and smile to memory, hoping it was enough to get him through the difficult times he would no doubt experience as a trainee.
“I’ll be leaving.” Yibo began.
“Oh, going on a vacation?” Xiao Zhan asked, smiling down at him. Yibo still only reached Xiao Zhan’s chest, and he ached with the fact that he wasn’t tall enough to give the man a kiss.
Yibo shrugged, acting nonchalant, “Something like that. I might be gone for a long time so I came by to say goodbye and…”
“Wait, how long is this—?”
“Don’t forget me.” Yibo interrupted, raising his head to glare fiercely at the older, “I’ll make sure to achieve my dream so you have to uphold your end of the promise, okay?”
Xiao Zhan blinked, seeming to look lost for a second before he smiled and nodded. “Of course. I’ll never forget didi. But you’ll come back soon, right?”
Yibo didn’t reply. Instead, he just smiled and threw himself at Xiao Zhan for a hug. When the older returned it, squeezing him tight, Yibo thought to himself that it was all going to be worth it in the end.
I’ll become a man you’ll be proud of someday, Zhan-gege.
The computer screen glowed balefully at him as Xiao Zhan scrolled through site after site for new job offers. Once he realized the names began to blur and overlap each other, he shut his laptop and pushed it away. With a groan, he swiped a hand down his face, rubbing his tired eyes.
Another day, another hopeless endeavor of finding a new job.
He stood from his desk and ungracefully flopped onto his bed, deciding he had better luck tomorrow. Which was what he said yesterday but so what?
A sudden sound from his phone caught his attention and he reached out for the device, sliding his lock screen open. When he saw the notification, his drowsiness immediately disappeared.
Xiao Zhan made himself comfortable against the pillows before opening the post. There was a video of a man that was taken from today’s concert and he smiled as he tapped on it.
Pop music instantly played on the speakers and the man on stage began to dance, performing one of his many songs. He couldn’t help but glue his eyes on his figure, watching him dance and rap like he owned the stage. As if he were born for it like Xiao Zhan knew he was.
Wang Yibo, you’re amazing as always.
Once it finished, Xiao Zhan placed his phone beside him and sighed, staring up at the white-colored ceiling above him.
While Yibo was out there living his dream, Xiao Zhan was, well… he was getting by. After graduating from university, he managed to get a few freelance gigs here and there. He accepted any work that had to do with photography, graphic design or singing. Heck, there was even that one time he acted as an extra in a period drama just because he was around the area.
But at the age of twenty-six, things weren’t looking so good. He still hadn’t found a stable job and it was making Xiao Zhan lose hair thinking about the piles of bills he needed to pay.
Not wanting to give himself stress tonight, Xiao Zhan shut off the lights and snuggled under his blankets, holding a pillow in his arms. Before he slept, he made a desperate plea to the heavens that if they could grant him a miracle tomorrow, Xiao Zhan promised to give his everything into the job, no matter what trials it may bring.
As he fell into dreamland, his phone buzzed once more, lighting up due to a text message from a college friend.
Hey, Xiao Zhan, still looking for a job? I heard from a friend that there’s this drama series that need photographers or graphic designers in their teams. They’re calling the project The Untamed, you want in?