Chapter Text
CHAPTER ONE: PAIN
The ride back to the 118 was very quiet. It was hard on everyone when there was a kid involved. Buck was fighting back tears. Athena took firefighter Timmons home. Bobby had sent a text to Eddie. By the time they had arrived back to the house, there was five minutes left on shift. Eddie was already there. Buck was sitting on the bench and Eddie pulled him into a hug. Buck started to sob. Eddie just held him. Buck sighed, "I am so stupid Eddie . I should have taken straight to the paramedics. She was a little girl that was in a major car accident. I should have taken her to get looked at and then taken her to the truck. Instead I just walked her away from the scene. I'm not enough, not good enough to do this job, If you had been there or Hen or Chim, yall would have made sure that she got medical care. But what does Dumbass Buckley do, HE carries her off to the fire truck." Buck punched the metal bench hard. He hits it a second time and a third. He goes for a forth time but Eddie grabbed his hand to stop him from doing it again. Buck's knuckles were bleeding. Eddie tightens his grip on Buck. "Buck, there is nothing that you could have done differently that would have changed the outcome for that little girl. It's shitty and I know that you feel guilty and that you will hate yourself for a long time, but look at me" Eddie pulls Bucks face up to look at him. "YOU, my carino, are enough. You are more than enough for me and for Christopher who worships the ground that you walk on." Eddie kissed his temple. "I can call Abuela and she if will take Chris for the night. She always loves to have him. And she will understand, especially after something like this." Buck shook his head. "No, no, I need him tonight. I need to know that he is alive and breathing and alive." Buck started to tear up again. Eddie kissed his temple and went to get the house first aid kit. He came back and bandaged Bucks hand. He rubbed his thumb across Buck's hand. He leaned in and kissed him hard on the lips. Once, twice, and then a third time. "Go get Christopher and then go home. Order some takeout, watch a movie. Then in the morning, the two of you come here for breakfast. Abuela can pick him up from here. She wants him for the weekend." Buck nodded and changed into his civilian clothes. He stood up and kissed Eddie again. He walked to his jeep and drove to Christopher's school.
When Christopher got in the car he could since that something was wrong with Buck. "Hey Superman, what do you want for dinner. I am thinking pizza and soda." Christopher smiled at him. As Buck drove home, Christopher told him all about his day and the drawings that he made in art class. Buck smiled despite the events of the day."Bucky, what's wrong? You seem sad." Buck sighed and looked at Christopher. "Superman, I am sad. We had a bad call today. But now that I am with you I am happy. You make me so happy Superman." Christopher smiled at him hugely. " When they got home, Christopher did his best to cheer up his Bucky. They colored and played with Legos. When Christopher saw that Buck still wasn't smiling he climbed in his lap and just hugged him. "I love you, Bucky." Buck kissed him on the cheek and ran his fingers through his curls. "Thank you, Superman. I needed that." They got into their pajamas and ordered pizza. They sat together on the couch watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles until the pizza arrived. Buck when to the kitchen and got paper plates and cups and napkins. He let Christopher sit on the floor and eat his pizza. He was in the middle of his first slice when he looked down at Christopher and immediately took out his phone and took a picture. He texted it to Eddie. After dinner, they cuddled on the couch watching movies. Buck's phone chimed. 7:43 PM EDDIE: He is so cute with sauce on his face. How are you, by the way? 7:43:55 PM BUCK: I am better now that he is here with me. That little boy has healing powers. We colored and built with Legos. 7:45:46 PM EDDIE: He has gotten me through some hard times. He is amazing. He is only nine yet he knows how to make someone feel better. How are you doing? 7:54:09 PM BUCK: Babe, I am glad to have both you and Christopher in my life. I don't say it enough but I want to thank you for letting into your lives and letting me love you. You both mean the world to me. I am still questioning everything that I did today, wondering if I had done something differently, would that have made a difference. Eddie didn't respond after that so Buck thought they got a call. He looked down to see that Christopher was nodding off to the movie. He tucked his phone back into his pocket and picked up Christopher and carried him to the big bed. He still needed him close. Needed to hear him breathing. Buck placed him on the bed on Eddies side. He took off his glasses and put them on the bed side table. He went and got a warm wash cloth and got off the sauce that Christopher missed. He pulled the throw blanket over Christopher and then got into bed himself. He snuggled under the covers, and pulled Christopher a little closer to him. ******************************************************************* FOUR HOURS LATER***************************hat you ************************************************** Buck woke up in a cold sweat. He thought for sure that the screaming in his head was going to wake Christopher. He looked over to the little boy that was lying next to him and he was perfectly and happily still asleep. He was thankful that he was still sleeping but couldn't understand why he was having these dreams after so long. It had been years since he had nightmares that had this particular subject matter. He attempted to go back to sleep and as he laid down, Christopher curled into him. Buck sighed and tried to fall back asleep. About three hours later, Buck was up again. Covered in more sweat. He carefully got out of bed and went to take a shower. He thought that maybe a shower would help. It didn't. As soon as he closed his he saw it all again. It came rushing back to him. His stomach churned and Buck threw up bile. He did two more times. He quickly finished his shower and then brushed his teeth. He got back into bed and closed his eyes again. He laid in bed thinking about the time that he, Eddie and Chris all went to the beach. They spent all day looking for shells and building sand castles. Buck and Eddie would steal kisses all through out the day. It was the first time that they said 'I love you' to each other. It was the best day of his life. Buck fell asleep thinking about that day. He finally fell into a dreamless sleep. The next morning, Buck woke up to his phone chiming. He saw that he had a few texts from Eddie and a couple from Maddie. He read the ones from Eddie and they made him smile. 10:30 PM EDDIE: Babe, I love you so much. I am so thankful for you as well. I am thankful that you love that little boy like your own. I am thankful everyday that you love me. I know that the next few days will be hard and we will get through them. Just know that you will have both Chris and myself by your side. I love you so much. Buck then checked the texts from Maddie and what he saw made his blood run cold. He felt the bile rising to the surface again. He got up and pout of bed quickly and barely made it to the toilet before he threw up everything in his stomach.