Work Text:
Aftermath
"You're not going home yet."
It wasn't a question.
Riku shook his head, keeping his eyes locked onto the horizon. It was a breathtaking view, really- the colours of the setting sun, barely peeking over the edge of the sea, painted the sky in the most beautiful way. The tapestry of colours and hues and vibrant life seared itself into his eyes, imprinting itself permanently onto the back of his eyelids. And, every time he blinked, the image remained, a poisonous, sickening caricature of what sunsets should be.
It was the first sunset he would ever truly see from Destiny Islands… without him.
The sound of waves, at least, was reassuring. Too many times in his life had he sat by a shore, listening to the sound of waves rush in and out with the tide. The shore kept him grounded, connected. And without everyone else's peals of laughter on the beach- everyone else had gone to their accommodations, giving him time to reflect, to think, to ponder (to suffer)- he only had to listen to the sound of that ocean he loved, soothing burnt, frazzled, crumbling nerves.
After all, the sea reflected the sky, and in his heart, the sky was dark. At least the tide wouldn't leave him- not yet.
He felt thin arms wrap around his shoulders from behind, a warm body pressing against his back. It wasn't the one he wanted. A tiny nose and trembling chin found purchase against his neck, but there was no romance there- only a desperate need to feel someone, anyone. In the corner of his eyes, he could see auburn strands fluttering in the wind past his cheek.
"I'm so sorry," Kairi breathed against his shoulders, her entire torso beginning to quake. Her breath hitched in her throat, and she could barely let out a stuttering gasp afterwards.
Distantly, Riku pulled the arms wrapped around his body away, shifting in his seat in the sand. Without a word, he gathered Kairi in his arms, tucking her head under his chin. "We'll find him," he whispered.
But as her sobs began to grow in earnest, guilt and regret and heartache rolling off of her smaller form in waves, Riku found his eyes remaining dry. It wasn't time for him to cry- not yet, at least. For now, his duty was simple- ensure that Kairi was safe and sound.
He had given up everything in order to bring Kairi back. Riku had to make sure that he saw that mission through.
As tears turned into wails and cries and curses into his chest, the fabric of his jacket growing damp with her sorrow, he led his hands up to her hair, stroking the reddish strands gently. The action seemed comforting to her, and over the course of a few minutes, her sobs slowed, breaths calming down.
"It'll be okay," he reiterated. "He promised to bring you here. He did. We'll find him."
And she clutched onto him tighter. "We have to," she gasped, lifting her face away from his chest to peer up at him.
Riku bit his tongue as he took in her plaintive expression. Large, dewy purple eyes, puffy and reddened from her tears, stared back up at him above a dainty nose. Pouty lips, bruised and chapped due to nervous biting, trembled as she swallowed away more cries. Everything about her screamed heartache and softness and nostalgia and memories.
He remembered this face. He couldn't speak to it, not directly- for if he did… he wouldn't be able to hold back the truth: while, once upon a time, he had wanted this face, this innocence, this heart to be in his hands like this… all he wanted now was for auburn hair to turn brown, violet eyes to blue.
(but he knew that if that had been the case, he would have just disappeared again, because Kairi had to be here, Kairi had to come home, it wasn't home without Kairi-)
He swallowed back the sobs which rose up into his mouth, occupying himself instead with lifting them both up from the sand. "You need to go home," he murmured. "The mayor is waiting for you."
"But everyone else-"
"They've been staying at my family home and on the Gummi ship. It's enough space. You have to go home. There are people waiting."
She wanted to protest, but he wordlessly spun her shoulders around, keeping his grip firm while he guided her away from the beach to the tiny boats that could take them back to the main island. As he rowed their boat back to the bigger dock, however, Kairi whispered, "…What about you?"
Riku had kept his eyes fixated on his knees for the entire trip thus far. As he moved the oars, motions rhythmic and precise, perfectly trained after a lifetime of rowing this very same way and back day by day, his gaze remained fixated there. He couldn't meet her eyes. "I… have some things to take care of."
Her hand entered his field of vision as she placed it upon his knee. "Riku-"
"It'll be fine," he insisted, rowing onwards. "It'll be fine."
She didn't respond. It was more of a mantra for himself rather than for her, anyways.
Eventually, after an unnervingly-silent trek back to the mayor's house, Kairi's figure disappeared from Riku's view behind the tall doors of the man's mansion. He caught a quick glimpse of her eyes, wide and dark under the moonlight that had begun to cast the island in its unearthly glow, before she was pulled inside her family's home. She was worried about him. She still loved him, and he her, after all. They were friends forever.
But friendship wasn't what he was aching for as he left the affluent town center and took the long road back to a tiny house, down the street from where he grew up.
The house in question was even smaller than he remembered, the lights dark for the most part. Only from behind the living room curtain was there even the faintest glow, signalling the presence of its inhabitants. Yet, they were there, so all he could do was walk forward and ring the doorbell.
The sound of footsteps behind the door thudded in his brain, and he closed his eyes, trying to dull out the noise. All he managed to do, however, was look at that sunset once more, forever engrained in the back of his skull.
It was sickening.
He was going to be sick.
He was going to die.
(was that not what happened when the heart and body wasted away together, forever unable to be whole-)
The door swung open, revealing a painfully-familiar figure, silhouetted by a warm glow emanating from within. The woman's eyes widened, blue irises so striking that bile rose up for a moment into Riku's throat.
She didn't sense his repulsion, however, her weary expression shifting into one of joy and elation. "Riku!" she squealed delightedly, throwing her arms around him lovingly. As she squeezed him tight in her embrace, she leaned back, calling into the house, "Honey, they're back!"
"What- the boys are back?!" an equally-loving voice cried excitedly, the speaker storming into view like a man possessed. When the tall, bearded figure saw Riku in the doorway, however, his face lit up, and he rushed out to greet the teenager.
Riku almost vomited.
Instantly, the woman released him, instead focusing on holding him up as dizziness overtook. His vision went blurry for a moment, and his knees buckled. She managed to keep him propped upright, however, and soon, she and the man had ushered him inside to sit on a small bench in the foyer.
Riku shuddered, feeling her warm hand lovingly press against his clammy forehead. "Riku, honey, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as she straightened up for a moment, glancing back towards the open door. "Where's Sora?"
He didn't respond.
The adults before him paused, sharing a glance- tentative, unsure. He felt his heart begin to race, sending him into another dizzy spell, and he had to hang his head between his knees in order to stay awake and focused.
He felt the older man's large hands squeeze his shoulders- however, there was more urgency within the touch than before. "Riku," the man murmured, fighting to keep his voice steady, "where's Sora?"
"Riku, you have to tell us," the woman insisted, kneeling in front of Riku to peer up into his face. Seeing her blue eyes, however, shocked him out of his stupor, and he straightened up, heart leaping into his throat.
His eyes met with the man's, creased worry lines around his mouth more prominent in the half-light. "Riku," the man breathed, carefully controlled, "…where's our Sora?" In the light, the man's hair- peppered with grey and streaked with white and showing all the signs of age that it should- shifted into pure brunet strands in his mind's eye, and Riku broke.
"…I'm so sorry," Riku sobbed, his eyes finally filling with the tears that he had been unable to shed all day. His voice caught in his throat from the sheer grief, and he had to cough out the words, "I'm so, so sorry."
Instantly, the two adults knew what he meant. The man stumbled backwards until he hit the wall, hands clenching and unclenching as if struggling to decide whether to strike the teen or not. The woman gasped, covering her mouth with her hands as her eyes filled with tears of their own, her short cropped hair flying around her face as she shook her head, frantic and fearful.
"No, no, no, no-" the woman whispered over and over again.
The man dropped to his knees, scrabbling towards Riku. "You can't be- no, Riku, you- where's Sora? Where's my boy?"
"I tried- I thought he would come back, I should've stopped him-" the teen whispered, balling his fists tight upon his knees as he desperately fought to retain his sanity, "-but he wanted to go!"
"But how-"
"Why did he-"
"Why couldn't you-"
"Where's my son?!"
And all Riku could do was lean back against the wall and cover his face with his hands to block out the sight of Sora's parents clutching onto one another, breaking down in each other's arms as the realization hit them. Riku couldn't close his eyes- he'd just see that sunset yet again, and for the umpteenth time since that evening he would be reminded of how Sora wasn't coming home.
(and there was nothing he could do to change the fact that he had broken their promise, he hadn't brought their son home, he hadn't kept him safe, he couldn't protect Sora-)
The two figures before him crumpled, sobbing. Their little boy wasn't coming home.
"I'm so sorry," Riku gasped, tears leaving hot streaks down his face. His voice was thick and hoarse and ragged, but he pressed onwards, baring his guilt for them to see. "He wanted to head off alone, and I should've gone with him- I thought if anyone could bring Kairi back, he would, and he did, but-"
"Kairi was- was gone?" Sora's mother squeaked, a new wave of horror washing over her.
Riku leaned forward. "She- she's safe," he sputtered. "Sora saved her, but-" and his face fell yet again, vision blurring. "But Sora didn't make it back with her."
His hands were back over his eyes. He couldn't bear to look at them any longer.
And then, after a moment of tense silence, he felt hands settle around his hunched shoulders, drawing him into a warm embrace. Two sets of hands landed upon his back, his hair, his cheeks- stroking, shushing, soothing.
"He… he went off on his own?" the man whispered raggedly.
Riku nodded, not removing his hands from his face. Muffled, he whispered, "I'll find him. I won't stop until I bring him home."
"What about you?" she asked, gently prying his hands away, looking into his broken eyes. "…What if… you don't come home, too?"
"I-"
(for Sora, it had never been home without Kairi, but for Riku, it would never be home without Sora, so-)
They understood.
"Thank you, Riku, but…"
We can't lose you, too.
He finally closed his eyes, overwhelmed by their combined looks of grief and empathy and sorrow and loneliness- and the sweet, sweet relief as each of them took the time to gently examine his face, run their hands through his hair, check his arms and his face for markings, until they were finally satisfied that at the very least, Riku was safe.
Although their own little boy was gone, Riku was safe.
And that realization almost made it hurt more for Riku. I don't deserve forgiveness.
They sat there, huddled together in the foyer of Sora's childhood home, all the way until the early morn, and Riku finally allowed himself to close his eyes again after blue began to trace its way over the horizon once more. The image of the sunset seen away from Sora's side still burned behind his eyes with a passion, but the warmth of those arms around his trembling shoulders turned the stinging pain into a dull ache.
Until he found Sora again, that ache wouldn't cease, and the hollowness in his soul would never be healed. So, he needed to find Sora.
He had to.
(but Sora's parents woke him from fitful slumber and kissed his hair and told him they loved him and that they were happy he was home, and he cried all over again, because god he mattered to someone even though he had done the one thing he had always fought to avoid, and he was going to spend the rest of his life making it right again and bringing Sora home, because his parents deserved happiness and Sora deserved Kairi and Riku just wanted the image of that sunset to disappear so he could pretend to be whole again and-)