Archive of Our Own

Chuuys practically leaps out of the car. Pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over his head to cover his red curls, he clenches his hands into fists. He offers up a silent prayer as he begins to walk towards the school building to a god he doesn’t even believe exists. Please don’t let him see me, please don’t let him see me, please don’t let him see me… 

“Chuuya-san!”

For fuck’s sake.

Chuuya turns around, forcing himself to give a poor imitation of a smile. “Hey, Tachihara. How’s it going?”

“Great, honestly,” Tachihara says warmly. “You know, life is good, school is fine, it’d all be good if I, y’know, had a date to the dance that’s coming up…”

Chuuya can’t help but scream inside of his head at that. Honestly, he’s just grateful he hadn’t ended up screaming aloud. This is exactly what he’d been trying to avoid. He likes Tachihara well enough; Tachihara is generally very polite, listens to his advice during their soccer matches, and is also not completely batshit insane like the rest of the people Chuuya tends to associate with at school. However, much to Chuuya’s chagrin, he is just very much not interested in Tachihara that way. So he just smiles and says, “Well, I hope you find one.”

“Actually,” Tachihara hedges, and the screaming in Chuuya’s head increases in volume. “I was kinda hoping that you would, uh, consider going with me… y’know, if you don’t have anyone already…”

Chuuya considers his options here. As much as he’d like to have everyone believe that he’s a tough guy, he also doesn’t like to hurt the feelings of the people he genuinely cares about without good reason. However, there really isn’t a reason he can think of to give to explain to Tachihara why he doesn’t want to go with him, beyond the truth - that he just doesn’t see him that way at all, which he’s sure would hurt him. He thinks again about what Tachihara had said, rewinding the words in his head, and then suddenly it hits him.

If you don’t have anyone already.

He doesn’t have anyone to go with already, actually, but Chuuya certainly doesn’t see the harm in a well-placed white lie every now and again. So instead he makes himself smile again and says, in the most genuine voice he can muster up, “Uh, sorry, but unfortunately I already have a date to the dance.”

“Oh, really?” Tachihara says, sounding disappointed. He pauses for a second, clearly processing what Chuuya’s just told him, and then says, “Who is it?”

Well, fuck. Chuuya certainly hadn’t budgeted for this. Panicking, he tries to think of the people that he knows that are single, and before he knows it, the first name that comes to mind is slipping out of his mouth. “With Dazai.”

What the fuck is wrong with him? He wishes there was a wall closer by so that he could bang his head against it. Seriously, that’s the worst person that he could’ve possibly chosen. He would rather eat rusty nails than ever go to a dance with Dazai Osamu. But apparently he was the first one that came to Chuuya’s mind, and Chuuya’s not sure exactly what that says about him. Besides, it’s too late to back down now, even as Tachihara raises an eyebrow at him in suspicion. “You’re going to the dance with Dazai? Seriously?” Chuuya tries to think of some kind of response that would make this make any kind of sense, but then, before he can say anything, Tachihara’s shrugging and saying, “Well, I guess the Akutagawas were right, huh?”

It takes Chuuya a second to realize what he’s saying, and then he roars, “The Akutagawas were what?! ”

“They said that the weird bickering you two are always doing was actually flirting,” Tachihara says. “I didn’t believe them, actually. I thought you had better taste than that. But I guess I was wrong.” He gives a small, self-deprecating smile. “I hope you and Dazai-san have fun at the dance together, though. And I’ll let the others that were considering asking you know that you two are going together as well. Thanks for considering my offer, Chuuya-san. See you later.”

As Tachihara waves and walks off, Chuuya groans and finds the nearest wall so that he can sink back against it. And then suddenly it hits him.

“Wait, the others?!”

.

As a result of his own stupidity, Chuuya quickly realizes that it is now necessary for him to track down Dazai. He gets the feeling that the rumors are going to spread like wildfire throughout the school; after all, the soccer captain dating the Student Council president isn’t exactly a normal occurrence. He weaves through the halls, darts up the stairs as quickly as he can, and is suddenly grateful for all the stairs training the soccer team has been doing over the past few months. He knows exactly where to find Dazai. 

Just as he’d imagined, Dazai is sitting on the roof, leaning back against the edge with his eyes closed like he hasn’t a care in the world. Chuuya glares at him. “Wake up, you shitty mackerel.”

“Chibi,” Dazai says without opening his eyes. “You really just can’t stay away, can you?”

“What the - god, you’re disgusting,” Chuuya spits. “I wouldn’t be here of my own volition, trust me. But I...” He bows his head and clenches his fist, gathering up all of his strength so that he can say, “I need a favor from you.”

Dazai raises an eyebrow. “So you’re asking for a favor and the best way to warm me up for that is… by insulting me?”

“It’s a reflex,” Chuuya grumbles. “Anyways, about the favor…”

“Well, what do I get out of it?” Dazai says, one hand under his chin, his mouth twisted into a smirk so ugly that Chuuya immediately wants to punch him.

Chuuya breathes in deeply, tells himself that it’ll just end up backfiring in the end. “I’ll do your homework for a month.”

“Ha~” Dazai says, shaking his head. “Chibi’s not so gifted in the art of schoolwork, so all that would do is make me fail my classes. Try again.”

Chuuya’s fist twitches by his side. He wills himself not to deck Dazai in the face. “Fine. What do you want?”

“I want Chuuya to be my dog,” Dazai sing-songs. “Just follow all of my requests for the next month~”

Chuuya groans. Is it worth it? he has to ask himself. It’s certainly going to be annoying to have to follow all of Dazai’s requests, which, 99% of the time, are going to be completely irrational and more than likely demeaning. However, it does mean that he won’t get any more confessions or people asking him to the stupid dance, because not only will he be ‘taken’, but 90% of the school is afraid of Dazai - and with good reason. And it also means that no one will find out that he lied. So he sighs and says, “Fine. Whatever.”

“Can’t wait to buy my new dog a collar,” Dazai says sweetly. “So let’s hear about this favor.”

Chuuya tries to think of the best way to say it, comes up with nothing, and blurts out, “I need you to pretend to date me.”

Dazai’s reaction is about what he’d figured it would be. For a few seconds, he just stares at Chuuya, his dark eyes big, and then he blinks before he bursts into peals of laughter. “What the hell,” he chokes out from between laughs. “What brought that on?”

Once again, Chuuya gives a long, low groan before he sinks onto the ground beside Dazai. “Tachihara kept asking me to the dance, and I didn’t want to tell him that I can’t go with him because I’m flat-out, 100% not fucking interested, so I told him I already had a date. So then he asked me who it was and for some godforsaken reason yours was the first name that came to mind. First he says that the fucking Akutagawa siblings told him we were flirting already, what the hell, and then he says that he’s going to tell the rest of my ‘admirers’, which means that the rest of the school knows by now, I’m sure.”

“Chibi has admirers?” Dazai wrinkles up his nose. “Who would want to date a tiny hat rack anyways?”

“Plenty of people, it seems,” Chuuya grits out. “But it turns out that you’re the only one who gets the privilege. ”

Dazai sighs, twirling a lock of his muddy brown hair around his finger.  “Well, chibi, this is going to do a number on my reputation if people think I’d stoop to date a fun size candy bar like you.” Chuuya just glares at him, and with an eye roll, Dazai continues, “But I suppose I could do this for you, as a favor. I’ll have a lot of eclectic requests for my dog, though.”

God, he hates Dazai. He wishes he’d thought of someone nicer, someone like the new kid that Dazai had suckered into his club, Nakajima Atsushi. Atsushi would’ve agreed to fake date him with no conditions at all. Then he wouldn’t have to lower himself down to being the dog of the most irritating, smug bastard on the face of the planet. The only problem with this plan, though, is that no one is really afraid of Atsushi, and he’d probably still have people asking him out. He breathes in deeply and exhales slowly. It’s just for a month . “Fine,” he says at last. “Whatever you want.”

Dazai slides the slightest bit closer to Chuuya, his eyes boring into Chuuya, gaze both terrifying and enthralling. “Good doing business with you, partner,” he says. Chuuya’s heart speeds up, and he hates himself for it.

“Just come on,” Chuuya gripes, grabbing ahold of Dazai’s hand so he can yank both of them to their feet.

Dazai slips his fingers into Chuuya’s, giving Chuuya’s hand a squeeze. “I knew Chibi’s hands had to be small,” Dazai muses, “but these are so small they’re like the hands of a child.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Chuuya says, and tries to squeeze Dazai’s hand back hard enough to break his fingers.

It’s going to be a long month.

.

Lunchtime is the first of many trials. Their school has a cafeteria that all students are required to eat in. This is especially problematic when Chuuya is trying to avoid certain people, and even more so now, when Dazai has his arm slung around Chuuya’s shoulders and Chuuya is trying to avoid basically everyone that he knows. He knows it’ll attract even more attention if he doesn’t sit at his usual table. Resigned, he drags Dazai’s lanky ass over to their table, determinedly avoiding all the eyes that are on him. Then, Atsushi gasps. “Oh my god, Tachihara-san was actually right! I thought he was just playing a prank! Because you guys are constantly fighting, and I- I thought…”

“There’s a thin line between love and hate, Atsushi-kun~” Dazai sings, beaming as he leans over to press a kiss to Chuuya’s cheek. Chuuya hates that his lips aren’t at all what Chuuya had anticipated. Instead of overly slimy or overly dry, they’re soft against his cheek, almost… enjoyable. That’s one train of thought Chuuya’s going to hop the fuck off of, though. Nothing about this experience is enjoyable. 

He doesn’t let his disdain show, though. Instead, he leans closer to Dazai, sucking up the discomfort that accompanies having Dazai so close. “Yeah, surprised me too. But sometimes… shit just happens. Love sneaks up on you.”

“How romantic,” Akutagawa mutters, stabbing his plastic fork far too hard into the plate in front of him. “Not like all of us saw it coming from a mile away or anything.”

Chuuya can feel Dazai shaking with laughter through their intertwined hands, so he shuts him up through a swift kick to Dazai’s shin. “I would say this is a net positive because it means you’ll stop the fake-fight flirting every day,” Yosano says, “but I’m sure it’s only going to get worse, knowing the two of you.”

“I do not flirt with shitty Dazai,” Chuuya replies through gritted teeth.

Akutagawa raises an eyebrow. “Clearly you were flirting, if the two of you are dating now. I hear that is how these things tend to go.”

Dammit. Chuuya curses internally, stomping slightly on Dazai’s foot because he’s laughing at Chuuya’s stupidity again, the complete asshole. “Whatever. I just curse myself for having such low standards in men.”

“I think out of the two of us, it’s me who has the low standards, ne, Chuuya?” Dazai asks, pointedly looking down to emphasize the height difference between the two of them. 

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Chuuya snarls through gritted teeth.

Dazai tsks. “Now, now, you wouldn’t do that to the man you love, would you?”

“You’re hardly a man at all,” Chuuya gripes.

“Oh, but the both of us know that to be untrue, my darling chibi~”

There’s a spattering of laughter from beside them, and Chuuya snaps out of the stupid trance that arguing with Dazai always seems to put him in to see that their friends are shaking with laughter from their little display. Yosano laughs. “You know, I had my doubts, but you two really are kind of weirdly cute together in a way.”

“It would be more tolerable if you could save the personal displays of affection for outside of the school grounds,” Kunikida says stiffly, his hands folded in his lap. “However, I must admit that you two are well matched.”

Kunikida thinks that he’s well-matched to shitty fucking Dazai Osamu?! Chuuya wants to scream. There is nothing about the two of them that’s well-matched in the slightest. It also seems like an insult, given how Kunikida tends to refer to Dazai. Instead, though, he grits out a smile. It’s for a good cause, he tells himself.

“We all knew it,” is all Gin says.

Chuuya suppresses his scream yet again. “Who exactly is we?”

Gin blinks. “Me, Ryuu, Higuchi-”

“Higuchi?!” Chuuya exclaims. Higuchi just nods with a slight smile on her face. What the hell.

“Congratulations,” Gin finishes. 

Chuuya wants to bang his head against the table as Atsushi launches into his own sincere congratulations speech as well. Instead, he just buries his head in his arms and groans. Dazai pats him on the shoulder in a mocking manner. 

Who knew that Nakahara Chuuya would perish at the young age of eighteen from his own idiocy.

.

Unfortunately, it seems, Chuuya’s suffering does not end when the school day does. Once he reaches the gate to the school after soccer practice, he finds Dazai standing there, the stupid, taunting smirk on his face. Please strike me down now, Chuuya prays to whatever god might be out there. I’m a heathen anyways. Just send some bolt of fucking lightning or whatever to end me on the spot. Please. I’m begging you.

“Ne, Chuuya~” Dazai sings as Chuuya approaches him. “I hope you haven’t forgotten my conditions for our little deal.”

Chuuya had tried his best to forget, but unfortunately, he just wasn’t that fortunate. He groans. “No, I haven’t forgotten. What the fuck do you want?”

“A lot of things,” Dazai says smugly. “My brilliance to be appreciated by everyone in the school. Chibi to shrink a couple more inches so it’s even easier to make fun of you. A beautiful lover to finally commit the perfect lovers’ suicide with. But unfortunately all of those things are difficult to come by, so for now I’ll settle for my dog to come with me to my house to make me some food and do my homework.”

Chuuya narrows his eyes. “You said you didn’t want me to do your homework because I’m no good at that that shit or whatever.”

“Welllll, I changed my mind,” Dazai says. “Or maybe I just want to see you try and suffer through completing my homework.”

Chuuya’s completely convinced that Dazai Osamu must be Satan reincarnated into a human’s body. “I completely fucking hate you,” Chuuya says. “I hope you trip while we’re walking to your house, get hit by a bus, and then ants eat your body.”

“And yet, when asked who you were dating, I was the first name that popped into your mind. I think that says something, hm, Chuuya?”

Chuuya lunges for Dazai, but before he can make contact, he’s stopped by a loud, “Chuuya-san, good to see you.”

Shit. Tachihara. 

Rather than giving Dazai the good strangling Chuuya’d been going for, he slips his fingers through Dazai’s and presses a light kiss to Dazai’s cheek. Tachihara beams at the two of them. “Hey, sorry to interrupt. I just spotted you walking the same way and thought I’d say hello.” He finally breaks his gaze away from Chuuya’s and turns to Dazai. “Nice to see you as well, Dazai-san.” The undertone in Tachihara’s voice says that it’s anything but nice, though, and Chuuya has to agree. 

“Sure, hello. My favorite hat rack and I are heading over to mine,” Dazai says, squeezing Chuuya’s hand a little too hard. Chuuya resists the urge to kick him. 

“Yeah,” Chuuya agrees reluctantly. “So we can discuss matching outfits and other… uh… dance stuff.”

“Like how he’ll have to stand on my feet to be able to look into my eyes while we’re dancing,” Dazai says with a conspiratorial wink.

God, Chuuya hates the way that the blood rushes to his cheeks at that. He hates that Dazai is able to rile him up so easily. He hates that he can’t just stay stoic and unaffected like his friends could, that he’s become the living redhead stereotype, temper as hot as a ghost pepper. He can’t stop himself from hissing, “Bastard, that’s completely untrue.”

Tachihara laughs, and Chuuya also hates that he’d momentarily forgotten anyone else was even there. “I gotta say, I had my doubts, but you two are funny together,” he says. “And… I’m happy for you guys. If Chuuya-san is happy, then I’m happy too.”

Chuuya reminds himself of why he’s doing this, that he doesn’t want to devastate Tachihara with the cliche “it’s not you, it’s me” line. He inhales deeply, gritting his teeth and then forcing himself to smile. “I’m happy,” Chuuya lies. “Even if this guy pours milk before his cereal, like a complete heathen.”

“It doesn’t get soggy that way,” Dazai says, tilting over to nuzzle his forehead into Chuuya’s hair. “I don’t get how someone so cute can have such terrible beliefs.”

In front of them, Tachihara is starting to look mildly uncomfortable. He shifts from side to side and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Uh, well, I hope you two have a good time,” Tachihara says. “But I’ve got some stuff to do this afternoon, so…”

“See you later,” Chuuya says, giving him a polite wave. Tachihara nods stiffly before he walks off, and once he’s out of eyesight range, Chuuya drops Dazai’s hand as though he’s been scalded. “God, do your hands really have to be so fucking sweaty all the time?”

“Better than feeling like you’re holding the hands of a five year old,” Dazai says with an eye roll. “Your hands are even tinier than the rest of you, chibi~”

They taunt each other all the way to Dazai’s house, but once they finally get there, Dazai stops, his body going taut. It looks like an average house, as far as Chuuya can tell. Two stories, not incredibly big, but not incredibly small either. Like a normal family home. Not what Chuuya would have expected out of Dazai, really. He was kind of thinking it’d be surrounded by a pit of flames or guarded by a three-headed dog. Still, Dazai’s reaction is really odd, and it doesn’t change as Dazai steps up to the door and raps quietly. When there’s no response, he barges through the door, his hand circling around Chuuya’s wrist to pull him with him. Dazai doesn’t announce that he’s home, either, which seems even weirder to Chuuya.

“Sorry for the intrusion! Thank you for having me,” Chuuya calls into the emptiness. 

“No one’s home, stupid,” Dazai says. “And since when was Chibi the polite type?”

There’s a hint of bitterness in his tone that Chuuya’s not sure what to do with. Chuuya scowls. “I’m polite to everyone except for you, because you’re an asshole. And what, are your parents at work or something?”

Dazai shrugs. “Something like that,” he says, with no snarkiness in his tone, and there’s something off about the way that he avoids Chuuya’s eyes. Huh, Chuuya thinks. But he doesn’t have time to dwell on it, because Dazai’s pulling him up the stairs to his room.

Dazai’s room is even more non-Dazai than his house. Everything is perfectly neat and in its place, not the disorganized wreck that Chuuya had been expecting based on his personality. There’s nothing on the wall, only a couple of books and neatly stacked papers on the desk. His only decor is a lamp. Chuuya’s beginning to think that he really doesn’t know Dazai Osamu at all.

Dazai’s still avoiding his eyes. “Home sweet home,” he says in his sing-song voice, though there’s none of its usual warmth.

“Where is everything?” Chuuya asks. “This can’t possibly be your room.”

“Well, it is, chibi,” Dazai says, his voice faux-cheery. It just adds to Chuuya’s suspicions. “This is everything I have to my name.” 

Chuuya’s known for a while that he has problems with filtering his words at times. This problem only seems to be exacerbated when he’s around Dazai. So it comes as no surprise that the astonished phrase “It looks like you don’t even live here,” tumbles from his lips.

“This is the way they like me to keep it,” Dazai says wryly. It’s the first thing Chuuya’s heard him say about himself that sounds totally and completely honest. 

Maybe it’s just because Dazai is such an enigma and Chuuya doesn’t like not knowing things, but he asks, “Who, your parents?”

Dazai looks even more uncomfortable at that. He breaks eye contact to stare at the floor, and Chuuya almost feels bad - feeling bad for Dazai Osamu, hah! It’s a thing he would’ve found unconscionable before today. But there’s something about Dazai’s expression that’s making his stomach churn. “No,” he says at last. “My parents died a couple of years back. My aunt and uncle.” He grits his teeth, looks as though he’s steeling himself, and then meets Chuuya’s gaze. “They didn’t want kids, least of all me.”

What the hell, is the only thing that comes to mind.

Chuuya hadn’t known. He can’t imagine that anyone from their friend group had known, either, and the feeling that he might be the first to know only makes his stomach churn more. It’s odd that Dazai Osamu would put any level of trust in him. “Oh,” he says, and then, scrambling for something to say, “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don’t have parents either.”

A hint of a smile creeps its way back onto Dazai’s face. “Chibi, you really think too lowly of me,” Dazai says, the sing-song quality back in his voice. “Why would that make me feel better?”

“I don’t know,” Chuuya says, feeling his face heat up. He crosses his arms and stares determinedly at the ground. “Because we’re both fucked up orphans, I guess.”

“The less I share in common with you , the better,” Dazai says, but there’s a hint of insincerity in his tone that Chuuya doesn’t know what to do with. “Now enough digging into my fascinating personal life. You’ve got homework to do. Hm, how good are you at English?”

“ I… am… Great English. ” 

“Ugh. You are a short idiot. Guess I’ll be doing that one myself, then. Now, you have to be proficient at history, at least, and this chapter is about European history. Chibi’s part-French, right? Explains the ugly orange hair... ”

Chuuya watches as Dazai babbles on, probably insulting him a hundred times more. But he can’t concentrate on that, not now. Not when he’s seen for the first time that behind the millions of walls he’s built up, somewhere, deep down inside, Dazai Osamu is nothing but a human like the rest of him.

Hm, Chuuya thinks. He’s finding there’s a part of him that wants to see more of this humanized Dazai.

.

And so, the two of them set off on a fake dating adventure.

Dazai waits for him at the school gate the next day so that they can walk into school together. He slips his fingers easily through Chuuya’s, and even though he squeezes just a little bit too hard, it’s certainly not the most unpleasant thing Chuuya’s ever experienced. During lunchtime the next day, Dazai sits beside him, both of his arms wrapped around Chuuya and his head nuzzling into Chuuya’s shoulder. Chuuya hates to admit that there must be some part of him that’s not totally averse to the idea of Dazai touching him, because he kind of leans into it. The rest of the table just shoots him knowing smirks. Chuuya resists the urge to flip them off.

How the fuck can they believe it so easily? 

Dazai walks by his classroom and shoots him a wink and a really obnoxious wave through the window. Chuuya responds with a withering glare, but regardless, the damage is done - everyone in his class is whispering about how cute the two of them are, how good a boyfriend Dazai must be. This is what he’d wanted, he reminds himself. He’d wanted everyone to know, everyone to believe it, because that means that Tachihara won’t doubt it either. And it’s just easier that way.

Just a few more weeks. Just a few more weeks, Chuuya tells himself. And then it’ll all be over and he can return to his own life, one without obnoxious, tall, suicide-obsessed brunettes. 

He goes over to Dazai’s every day for the next week after school and practice, because it had been Dazai’s condition that Chuuya be his dog, and it’s Dazai’s (admittedly very weird request). He technically doesn’t really do any of Dazai’s homework. Sometimes he writes down things that Dazai dictates to him, but even then, Dazai criticizes him.

“Your handwriting is so terrible, chibi~” Dazai sings. “I’m surprised that your teachers can even read it to grade your assignments! Maybe it’s better that way, though! I’m sure if they could read your handwriting, your grades would be even worse than they are right now.”

“Oh, fuck off, obnoxious beanpole,” Chuuya says, balling up the paper and hauling it straight at Dazai’s face.

Dazai ducks away from the paper ball, smirking his stupid, ugly smirk that makes Chuuya feel weird for some odd reason. He points at the paper ball on the ground. “Well, now Chibi’s just making more work for himself! You’re gonna have to pick up that paper, and now you’re gonna have to write a new one also!”

Chuuya inhales deeply, reminds himself that this had been his own stupid idea to begin with, debates the merits of going to jail for murder, and then picks up another sheet of paper. As he starts writing again, as painstakingly slowly as possible, he wages a glance back at Dazai only to see that the annoying smirk is gone, replaced by another expression he’s seldom seen before. An expression that can only be described as a real smile.

Chuuya’s chest gives a light squeeze. He’s starting to think that there’s a lot more to Dazai than what Dazai displays to the rest of the world.

The boys on his soccer team don’t seem to agree. He’s pretty sure they’d feel weird about him dating any guy, though, judging by the remarks they make under their breath about what he and Dazai must be doing or whatever. He’s grateful for his position of power. When he sends a scathing glare their way, they all shut up, and that makes Chuuya feel smug.

“I agree that he’s not as bad as one might assume upon first meeting him,” Kunikida tells him after lunch one day, hiking his glasses further up onto his nose. “However, that does not mean that I would, under any circumstances, date him.”

Neither would I, Chuuya wants to agree, but the words stick in his throat. He is, after all, technically dating Dazai - fake dating, of course, but Kunikida can’t know that. “He grows on you,” Chuuya mutters under his breath. “Like a rash.”

“I can’t say I disagree,” Kunikida says wryly. “But as I said before, I certainly would not date a rash, as you so eloquently put it. So I just wanted to ensure that everything’s going okay between the two of you. Dazai is a good person, I believe that to be true. However, he can be somewhat… irresponsible, at times. Callous to other people’s feelings. And I believe you to be a person who feels a lot and often. That can be a difficult situation to deal with.”

What’s that supposed to mean? Is what Chuuya wants to scream, but he’s pretty sure that an outburst of that caliber would simply confirm Kunikida’s words. So instead he just sighs and shakes his head. “Everything’s going fine. It shocked me too, but shitty fucking Dazai’s better than you’d imagine him to be in a relationship. More, uh, understanding, I guess.”

And it’s true, if he’s being honest. When it’s just the two of them, Chuuya and Dazai, away from the eyes of everyone else they know, Dazai is, well, different. Less obnoxious. Still insulting, still blunt to a fault, still obsessed with lovers’ suicides or whatever the fuck the shit is he’s always blathering on about. But there are moments when he finally lets Chuuya attempt some homework and he leans over Chuuya’s shoulder to point out an equation that Chuuya has solved incorrectly, or he brings up a mug of tea for Chuuya (though Chuuya’s not entirely convinced he didn’t spit in it), or his hand lingers on Chuuya’s shoulder just a little too long. During these moments, Chuuya’s head spins. He wonders what the hell Dazai could possibly be thinking. He wishes he could understand Dazai, the way that no one else seems to.

Then, one day, the worst day of Nakahara Chuuya’s life arrives.

They’re at lunch, sitting side by side. Chuuya’s sitting on Dazai’s right side, his left hand intertwined with Dazai’s. Despite the fact that Dazai is right-handed, he’s eating with his left hand so that he can hold Chuuya’s hand with his right. 

Chuuya looks over at him, his heart jumps into his throat, and time freezes as the worst realization Chuuya’s ever had dawns on him.

I wish that this was real, Chuuya thinks, and then he thinks, oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with me. 

There is no way that Chuuya should be thinking that way. Dazai is Dazai, after all; at times Chuuya has thought that he could actually be the human manifestation of Satan. He doesn’t seem to feel anything at all, ever. He does everything with an air of complete and utter indifference that Chuuya, with all his boring humanity, doesn’t think he could ever replicate. Therefore, a real relationship with Dazai is just completely out of the question. And it doesn’t make any fucking sense that his traitorous heart would dare override that. 

He has to get out.

So, like the fool he is, he wrangles himself out of Dazai’s grasp and stands up. Everyone’s eyes dart over to fixate on him. He feels his breath coming faster all of a sudden, but he looks down, steadily avoiding their gazes. 

“I’m feeling kinda sick all of a sudden,” he blurts out, and then makes a dart for the restroom. He thinks he hears Dazai calling after him, but he doesn’t look back. He’s too afraid of what he might see there.

.

Unfortunately for Chuuya, there aren’t too many people that he thinks he would be able to reasonably talk to about this entire Dazai situation. Everyone at school thinks they’re dating, and even if he told his friends that the entire thing was a farce, he’s certain they’d ask why, as any sane person probably would. And therefore he’s not sure he trusts his friends completely not to let it get back to Tachihara once they’d found out. A good portion of them are fairly close to Tachihara, after all. And he definitely doesn’t want to talk to anyone who’s friends with Dazai. 

So that leaves him with one option. 

“I thought I would be safe,” Chuuya groans, staring at the table dejectedly, his hands tangled into his hair. “Dazai is disgusting, right? The worst person in the universe. And yet somehow my stupid fucking ass is yearning or whatever. Yearning. This is the worst thing in the world that has ever happened to anyone.”

His sister glances over at him, raising an eyebrow, and then she laughs. She laughs, as if there’s anything even remotely funny about the situation. Chuuya glares daggers at her. “Something funny?” he snaps.

“You’re an idiot,” Kouyou gets out between laughs. “God, Chuuya, I don’t know what I expected, but it was for you to have more sense than this. C’mon, really?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Chuuya says crossly. He really doesn’t, but he doesn’t like the insult, which is enough to make him annoyed in itself.

“You literally never shut up about Dazai,” Kouyou says. “And sure, you can argue that it’s because you’re complaining about him, but no one talks that much about someone they actually hate. I can’t believe it took you this long to realize it. You had to pretend to date him first, seriously?”

“Shut up,” Chuuya gripes, burying his head into the table as far as possible. “I thought I hated him. I should hate him. He’s the world’s worst person. And yet…”

“Hate to be the one to break it to you, but unfortunately love isn’t always so easy,” Kouyou says. She seems unbearably smug, and Chuuya wants to cry. Instead, he just lets out a long, low groan as she continues, “But I assume you came to me because you wanted advice. And so I offer you this: talk to him. He seems to be at least somewhat fond of you, judging by how he hasn’t gotten tired of you yet and he also agreed to fake date you or whatever.”

“Only because he wanted me to be his dog,” Chuuya protests. 

Kouyou raises an eyebrow, looking even more judgmental than before. “Sure, that’s why. I’d totally date someone because I wanted them to be my dog. God, you’re the world’s biggest idiot. How are we related?” She sighs, putting her head into her hands. “Talk to him. That’s all I got for ya, I’m sorry to say.”

“Yeah, we’ll see,” Chuuya says in response.

He’s definitely not gonna talk to Dazai.

.

Instead, Chuuya comes up with a much better idea. His much better idea is foolproof, really, because it involves no admission of feelings whatsoever, and that means that Dazai should have absolutely nothing to tease him about. He decides that he’s going to avoid Dazai at all costs. 

Dazai usually waits for him at the gate, Chuuya knows, so rather than enter through the front gate like everyone else, he goes around back. The door there is locked. He curses under his breath and then spots a dumpster that, if he climbs on top of it, he can reach a window. It’s a stupid idea, he thinks, but when he weighs it against the possibility of having to speak to Dazai, knowing what he knows now - that he’s caught stupid fucking feelings or whatever - the possibility of falling in the trash suddenly seems a hundred times more appealing. 

He leaps on top of the trash can. His knee bangs against the metal, and he curses under his breath, but reminds himself that it’s worth it. 

On the way to his classroom, he catches a tiny glimpse of Dazai’s dark hair and groans, hiding behind a corner and praying that maybe he’ll become just a few inches shorter so that he won’t catch the eye of anyone. In a moment of genius, he grabs a book and holds it in front of his face, successfully blocking himself from Dazai’s view as Dazai walks by. Man, my grades really should be higher, Chuuya thinks smugly. School’s totally fucking wasted on me.

“You sure you haven’t seen Chibi today?” Dazai’s asking as he walks by. Chuuya swallows a gulp.

“I don’t recall anyone by that name,” Akutagawa says dryly. 

“If you’re asking about Chuuya-san, I haven’t seen him today!” Atsushi chirps. “But then again, it’s only the beginning of the day, so maybe we just missed each other or something.”

“I was waiting for him at the gate,” Dazai muses. “But maybe he was just too short, so I didn’t see him as he walked by!” 

It’s almost enough to make Chuuya burst out of his hiding spot so that he can kick Dazai in the shin. Almost. Truly, leave it to him to find the biggest asshole in the world and then fall in love with him. 

Maybe he’s a little bit of an idiot, after all.

It’s obvious that he can’t go to lunch, not with Dazai looking for him and his friends that double as Dazai’s friends that would be sure to rat him out to Dazai. So he takes his lunch from home and heads into the bathroom, sitting on top of the toilet with his feet tucked in front of him so no one will be able to tell he’s even in there. It’s kind of lonely, if he’s being honest, but it’s highly preferable to the alternative. He’s not ready to confront his feelings now, or really ever.

The worst part of the day comes after school, though, when he’s trying to dart out of the school without being seen. He’s around the back of the school in an attempt to evade everyone else. However, unfortunately he’s chosen a total fucking genius to go and fall in love with, which means that Dazai is one step ahead of him.

“Couldn’t you find someone else to do this with?” Yosano is complaining. “I have homework to do. Things that, surprisingly enough, are more important to me than your problems with your boyfriend.”

“We’re not having problems!” comes Dazai’s voice, and Chuuya visibly winces. “I just haven’t seen him all day today, and I know he’s here so he might be avoiding me! But that doesn’t mean we’re having problems! Chibi just likes to play hard-to-get~”

“That kind of sounds like you’re having problems,” Yosano says flatly. “You guys are weird.”

Chuuya panics. He doesn’t want to be having this conversation anyways, much less with Yosano as an audience to their conversation right next to a trash dumpster. Therefore, he does the only reasonable thing he can think of and hightails it right into the dumpster.

Perhaps it’s not reasonable, exactly. But what else was he supposed to do?

He hears Dazai’s voice muffled through the metal. “What the hell was that?”

There are footsteps, and Chuuuya’s really never been a particularly religious person, but right now he’s praying to every single deity he can think of. Being forced to confront Dazai: bad. Being forced to confront Dazai with Yosano while in front of a dumpster: double bad. Being discovered by Dazai and Yosano while inside of a dumpster, covered in trash and juices of who knows what , and then having to confront Dazai? Pretty much the worst thing that could happen to him ever.

But after a few seconds, the longest seconds of Chuuya’s life, the footsteps stop, and Yosano breathes out a sigh. “Seems like it was just an animal,” she says. “Can’t imagine anyone would be weird enough to jump into a dumpster, anyways.”

She has a point, Chuuya thinks as Dazai says, “Hm, I can think of a few people~ But you’ve got a point, most of them don’t go here. Hey, on the off-chance that I did do something wrong, what do you think I should do to make it up to him?”

Chuuya freezes. The words sound soft - kind, almost, a tone he’s never heard Dazai use when talking about anyone, much less himself. But they have to be about him. After all, he’d been referring to a chibi earlier, and that nickname is exclusively reserved for Chuuya.

God, Chuuya has no idea what the hell is going on.

Yosano says, “You really like him, don’t you?” with a chuckle, but Dazai’s reply is muffled by the metal and the fact that the two seem to be walking away. Even after their voices and footsteps fade away completely, Chuuya lingers for a minute longer, covered in the most disgusting things alive and contemplating what the hell could possibly be going on.

He’s finally driven out by his need for a shower, but the questions linger even as he rinses the trash juices out of his hair. 

Maybe there’s something more going on here after all.

.

Chuuya’s eavesdropped conversation is not enough to get him to stop avoiding Dazai, though. But he only makes it through one more day before he gets confronted after school lets out. Mercifully, it’s not by Dazai, but he’s starting to think that Dazai’s subordinates, and his friends, are just as bad.

Atsushi looks at him with his big puppy dog eyes and Chuuya curses himself internally. “Hi! Why are you avoiding Dazai-san?”

“I’m not,” Chuuya says, and even as he says it he knows exactly none of them will believe it. But what other choice does he have, really? He can’t tell them why he’s actually avoiding him.

Gin rolls her eyes. “Yeah, right.”

“No offense, but you are an absolutely horrid liar,” Akutagawa agrees, wrinkling up his nose. Chuuya decides then and there that the Akutagawa family is the absolute worst family of them all.

“It’s a little bit weird to avoid your boyfriend,” Higuchi says. “Did he do something wrong?” 

“Some of us would be willing to scold him firmly if so,” Kunikida says, looking far too excited at the concept. Akutagawa glares at Kunikida protectively, and Chuuya rolls his eyes. Maybe Akutagawa should be the one fake dating Dazai.

“I’m not avoiding him!” Chuuya protests again, and when the entire big group sends him scowls of disbelief, he sighs. “It’s fine, okay? I’ll talk to him. I’m just being a total fucking idiot or whatever. He didn’t do anything wrong. Well, beyond the usual having an awful personality and never shutting the fuck up about lovers’ suicides, that is.”

“You’re gonna talk to him?” Atsushi says, grinning. “That’s great. Maybe now he won’t talk about how lonely he is all the time, and I’ll only have to hear those complaints from Akutagawa!”

“Shut up - I didn’t ever give you permission to tell anyone that, you son of a -”

Yosano steps in between them, looping an arm around both of their necks and giving Chuuya a truly eerie smile. “I hope you’ll stick to your word,” she says. “There’s only so much annoyingness I can take, and the rest of the group has filled that quota.”

“Only so much annoyingness she can take before what?” Higuchi mouths, eyes wide.

“Whatever,” Chuuya agrees, because he hopes it’ll get them to leave. And thankfully, it works.

Well, at least one thing in his life is going right.

.

Chuuuuuuuuuya, reads the text. Chuuuuuuya, answer me, reads the next text. Chibi, please :( reads the third. The next ten are variations of the first three. And then, finally, the fifteeenth text reads, Is this about the fake dating stuff? Because we can just break up if you want, you know! I might be an asshole but I’d never force someone to date me who doesn’t want to~ Even though this was totally your idea! And having a dog is no fun if you don’t ever see the dog, so maybe we should just call it off.

Chuuya blanches. It’s an out, he knows. He could accept this right now and not have to pretend to date Dazai or deal with the weirdness and pain that would bring. But that would defeat the whole purpose, wouldn’t it? Then Tachihara would be on his ass again about going to the dance, and maybe even more obnoxious about it, since he’d probably assume that Chuuya needed comforting after the breakup. Plus it’d leave him open to all kinds of questions about what had happened. It’d make it so he heard even more about Dazai than before. Plus, he wouldn’t be fake dating Dazai any more, and for some reason that stings worse than anything else.

So he replies, hi. I’ve had a lot going on, but no i don’t wanna break up, or fake break up or what the fuck ever. i’ll see you at the gate tomorrow. and i’ll still be your stupid dog. just don’t be a dick about it. 

Chuuya is fairly certain that Dazai has no idea what don’t be a dick even means, judging by the influx of annoying hearts and other ugly emojis that Dazai floods his phone with in response. But whatever. He’ll be there, and he’ll be Dazai’s fake boyfriend slash dog, and he’ll give it all that he’s got left in him. Which doesn’t seem to be a lot these days.

.

He gets to the gate the next day first. Nervously, he shifts from side to side, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He glances down at his phone - Dazai should be here by now, right? But still, there’s no sign of him. 

After five long minutes of shifting back and forth, Dazai finally shows up, panting heavily. “Sorry I’m late, Chibi~” he says with a stupid smirk. He holds out a chocolate bar. “Stopped at a convenience store on the way. I heard it on good authority that feeding tiny angry people sweet things can sweeten them up.”

“I don’t want your stupid chocolate,” Chuuya says, but he takes the chocolate bar anyways. It feels like a consolation prize. 

“You’ll come to my house today, right?” Dazai asks. “I need someone to tidy up my bedroom, and I don’t think I should have to do it myself when I have my own personal dog.”

“Yeah,” Chuuya says. It’s not like there’s another option, after all. And when Dazai holds out his hand, Chuuya takes it. He does his best to suffocate the way his heart speeds up and his skin crackles with electricity at the touch.

He joins his friends at lunch again, and their eyes light up when they see the two of them holding hands as they sit down at the lunch table. Chuuya tries not to think about how upset they’ll probably be when they break up eventually, because that’s what all of this is heading towards, right? It’s not like they can pretend to date until they get married. They’ll go to the dance, and they’ll stage a breakup, and that’ll be it. 

Chuuya tries not to think about how much worse that makes him feel. 

He survives through lunch, only speaking when spoken to and giving short, non-committal answers in response. And then, at the end of the day, he goes to Dazai’s house. 

“As you can see, my room is a bit of a mess,” Dazai says, gesturing to his desk. It’s not exactly what Chuuya would call a mess. The papers on his desk are in disarray, and there are a few socks scattered on the floor, but beyond that it’s just as neat as ever. “I figured since Chibi is closer to the ground it’d be easier for him to pick it all up anyways~” 

It’s a jab at his shortness, Chuuya’s aware, and usually it’d be enough to fire him up, get him shooting back a loud insult in retaliation. But he just doesn’t feel like it. Instead, he nods and walks over to the desk, making a neat stack out of the papers. Dazai just blinks at him.

“Chibi’s paper stacking skills aren’t awful,” he tries again. “Maybe he should just quit school and become my own secretary, when I become a top businessman!”

Chuuya shrugs. “Not my first choice in career, but if you pay well,” he says, and continues with his stacking.

Dazai’s face falls. For a second, Chuuya almost feels bad. Then, Dazai says, “Chibi’s no fun anymore, huh?”

Chuuya makes himself breathe, in and out. He replies, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” in as even a voice as he can. 

“It’s no fun when you don’t get mad!” Dazai says. “You’re supposed to argue with me, hat rack, and call me a waste of breath and a useless human and all that other shit. So it doesn’t make any sense why you’re not anymore. Like I said, do you even want to go to the dance still? Because I’ll help you to find someone else if you want. Just... stop acting like you’re dead inside, for fuck’s sake.”

Now it’s Chuuya’s turn to blink in surprise. He hadn’t thought that Dazai would crack so quickly. With a sigh, he looks off at the wall. He has to come up with a lie to explain his behavior, one that makes sense. He thinks as hard as he can and finally, he comes up with, “I do wanna go to the stupid dance. It’s just... it’s my last year in high school, and it’s my last real chance to go to a fucking school dance, and I’m going with a fake date. It’s so damn pathetic.”

“Well,” Dazai says airily, glancing over at him, “I’m going with a fake date as well, you know.”

“Everyone already knew you were pathetic, though,” Chuuya grumbles.

Dazai’s mouth turns up the slightest bit, and Chuuya thinks it might be the most genuine smile he’s ever seen on Dazai’s face. “If I’m being honest,” Dazai says, “despite my amazing personality and all, this might be the closest thing I’ll ever get to a real date. So I’m not sure that you’re the pathetic one this time, Chibi.”

Chuuya’s throat goes dry. He’s never seen Dazai like this, open and honest, not a hint of obfuscation in his typically teasing eyes. And what he’s saying… about this being the closest he’ll ever get to a real date, it almost sounds like - like he could actually like Chuuya too. 

But no, that doesn’t make sense. It’s Dazai, after all. Dazai who’s obnoxious and snarky and is constantly making annoying comments about Chuuya’s height. Dazai who Chuuya sometimes thinks has never experienced a single true emotion in his entire life. Dazai whose primary decree is how much he despises Chuuya, an emotion that Chuuya can’t mirror anymore.

Still, Chuuya decides, he can’t keep being cold and emotionless in response to Dazai. It’s just not working out. And despite it all, he doesn’t actually want to hurt Dazai or make him worry. So he gives a slight nod and says, “You got that right… stupid waste of space.”

“Tiny body, tiny brain.”

“Ugly face, ugly soul.”

Dazai grins in response and points down at the ground again. “Well then. Get back to it, dog.”

.

The remaining days fly by in a flurry of school and lunchtimes with friends and going to Dazai’s to do his various demeaning tasks, that usually end up not being that demeaning after all. They fall back into the same routine of pretending to date - hand-holding, sending each other super sappy smiles, Dazai’s thumb stroking the back of his hand and Chuuya thinking he might actually just keel over and fucking die at this rate. He wishes so badly he could be a mind-reader, just so he could figure out what the fuck’s going on in the mysterious brain of Dazai Osamu, but it seems he’s no closer to figuring it out. Dazai doesn’t make any more grand revelations about himself or his feelings. Everyone else seems relieved that they’re back to normal, and don’t make any comments on them or their behaviors. And then, finally, the day of the dance rolls around.

Chuuya hadn’t known what the hell he’s supposed to wear to something like this, so he’s gotten a pretty basic suit - black, sleek, with a turquoise bowtie to match his eyes. He stares into the mirror, wondering what he should do with his hair. Tie it up? Keep it down? Which looks better? He ends up just brushing through it, then adding some extra curls with Kouyou’s hair curler. Then he heads out towards the door, where Kouyou is waiting for him. 

“You look nice,” she says, pulling at one of his curls. He grumbles and swats her hand away, his cheeks turning pink. “Is this all for Dazai? What a lucky boy.”

“It’s because I don’t want to look like shit at the school dance,” he grumbles.

“Language,” she chides. The doorbell rings, and she raises her eyebrow pointedly at him. He scowls at her and dashes off to get the door before she can get it and embarrass the hell out of him. 

Dazai’s standing on the other side, and the only thing Chuuya can think at first is holy shit. He looks striking in his suit, sleek and black with a red bowtie, not that Chuuya would ever admit to having that thought. There’s a sparkle in his eye as he says, “You don’t look bad, chibi~”

“You look less disgusting than usual,” Chuuya grits out.

Dazai beams. “I know a chibi compliment when I hear one,” he sings, and then, stepping forward into the house, holds out something towards Chuuya. Flowers, Chuuya realizes with a start. Why would he bring flowers? Aren’t flowers reserved for people that you like? His mind starts spinning, going into panic mode, but then he realizes that they’re pink. Ugly, fluroescent pink. He scowls.

“I’m gonna shove these cough medicine flowers up your ass,” Chuuya says. Still, he takes them from Dazai’s outstretched hand, and Dazai’s ugly grin only widens.

“Photo time!” Kouyou interrupts. “Get together now. I’ve got to document my baby brother’s first date!”

“Can’t we not and say we did?” Chuuya mumbles, but Dazai’s already getting into place, one hand draped loosely around his waist. Chuuya’s skin burns where Dazai touches it, and really, he should be used to this by now, but it seems his heart hasn’t caught up with the rest of him yet. Chuuya leans a little closer to Dazai - do it for the pictures, or whatever - and then Dazai squeezes his side. 

“Don’t tickle me, asshole,” Chuuya hisses, then realizes he’s just admitted to Dazai that he’s ticklish, which is possibly the worst move he could’ve done. Dazai, being Dazai, keeps tickling him. In return, Chuuya starts smacking him with the bouquet, hating the fact that giggles are falling from his lips. Dazai grins tauntingly as he keeps tickling Chuuya, and then - 

“All done!” Kouyou says. 

And then Chuuya looks at the pictures and sees the grins on both of their faces. He sees the look in his own eyes, one of stupid giddiness, and the smile on Dazai’s face even as he hits the other boy with the ugly pink bouquet, and he starts to wonder.

The ride to the dance is fairly short. They mostly talk about school, about their friends - “no, Dazai, as a matter of fact, I don’t think Tachihara’s a fucking alien, and no I don’t think Yosano will ever be convinced to commit double suicide with you” - and it’s actually kind of nice. Chuuya tries not to think too much about it, or he thinks he might combust.

They make it to the dance, finally. They have to stop and take another awkward high school dance photo at the doorway. Dazai seems to be giving this one his all, because he leans his head onto Chuuya’s, his warmth pressing into Chuuya’s side. Chuuya gulps and very determinedly does not look at him. 

But then they’re finally free to make their way over to their friends. Yosano, who looks striking in her red dress, lifts an eyebrow at the two of them. “You two look nice,” she says, something teasing in her voice. “Cleaning up for something special? Or should I say, someone special?”

“I haven’t seen Dazai-san smile so purely in a long time,” Atsushi says nervously. “Or actually, ever. I’m a little bit afraid.”

“You two look disgusting,” Akutagawa says. “Grossly in love.” 

Gin sighs. “What he means to say is that we’re glad to see you here together, actually. We were all kinda afraid for a bit that you’d be showing up alone.”

“And leaving the rest of us to deal with the fallout,” Yosano remarks bitterly.

“Ha, nope!” Dazai says, his grip on Chuuya’s shoulders tightening, and Chuuya resists the urge to knock him off. “We’re doing just amazing, as you can tell! Chibi just told me that I’m the most handsome man he’s ever seen, actually, so -”

“Shut up ,” Chuuya says, kicking him swiftly in the ankle. “I did not.”

“You did! And then you said that I’m the best you’ve ever - that one actually hurt, you know.”

“That was my intention, asshole.”

“Maybe you two should save your strange form of PDA for the dance floor,” Kunikida remarks, staring at them with disapproval in his eyes.

Dazai agrees too quickly and leads them off, but Chuuya can’t stop thinking. Are they actually flirting? Is that what their fighting has become? Originally, Chuuya had been motivated by nothing but spite and hatred, but that’s long since faded and been replaced by something like, as awful as it is to admit, affection. He wonders how it is for Dazai. Would Dazai let someone that he actually hates into his life like this? Would he go to the dance with them? He can’t figure it out.

Dazai lets go of him once they make it to the dance floor and raises an eyebrow at him. “Can’t wait to see you try to dance, chibi.”

“My dancing’s gotta be better than yours,” Chuuya hisses. “You’re gonna look like a string bean wriggling around. Embarrassing.”

“You’ll look like a kindergartener that somehow snuck into a high school dance,” Dazai taunts in return.

“You’ll like a walking disaster - even more than usual.”

“You won’t look like anything, because Chibi’s not at anyone’s eye level~”

“Why, you-”

They dance anyways though, both of them kind of awkwardly moving to the beat, and neither of them are that amazing of a dancer. Still, they continue hissing insults at each other under their breath as they dance, that is, until the song changes. 

It’s a slow song.

Chuuya’s breath catches in his throat.

“Well, it’ll look strange if we evacuate the dance floor as soon as the song changes to a romantic one,” Dazai says evenly. “Guess I’m forced to suffer through a slow dance with an annoying hat rack.”

Chuuya glares at him. “Don’t you fucking dare say anything, but - “

“No promises.”

“But I’m not tall enough for this. It’s gonna look weird.”

“Ha, Chibi’s too short! I always knew it! But eh, Chibi could stand on my feet for this dance, couldn’t he? Then we’d almost be even~”

Chuuya smacks him on the arm. “I’m not doing that, bastard.”

Dazai softens the slightest bit. “C’mon, let’s just get this over with so that we don’t look weird. Then we can just pretend it never happened.”

He’s got a point, Chuuya thinks. They’ve got to dance at least one slow dance, so it might as well be now. So he steps forward, letting Dazai’s hands find his waist again, his arms stretching up to link around Dazai’s neck. Dazai gives an annoying laugh. “It must be a lot of effort for you to reach that far.”

“Shut up,” Chuuya grumbles. “This is bad enough without your annoying comments.”

“That’s the one thing I’m not capable of doing,” Dazai says. “But let’s talk about something else, then. Did you know that the stupid history teacher banned me from participating in class discussions? It was a pity, really! I had so much to contribute about historical suicides~”

“Did he actually?” Chuuya says through a snort. “Suddenly I respect him so much more.”

“Yes, and I think it’s discriminatory.”

“Go post your stupid comments online or something. No one in school wants to hear them.”

“Oh, believe me, I already do. I’ve got fifteen followers on my blog already~” 

“Fifteen?!? On one hand I’m shocked that many people would follow your stupid suicide blog, but on the other hand, that’s hardly any followers at all, idiot.”

“Ah, but can chibi call me an idiot when he’s the one failing Trigonometry?”

“I got a tutor, you piece of shit.” Chuuya realizes all of a sudden that through their conversation, they’ve moved closer and closer, trying to hear each other over the sound of the music. He also realizes that he doesn’t care to move away. 

Dazai grins, a grin that looks half-taunting, half-sincere. He then gives a small hum that Chuuya can only feel through the vibrations of his body. “You know, I really never thought I would end up here.”

“What do you mean?” Chuuya asks. The things Dazai says are too often vague, with something lurking beneath the surface that Chuuya can’t quite comprehend. This is one of those things, it seems.

“I never thought I would go to a school dance, let alone with the world's most annoying hat rack,” he muses, swaying them slowly from side to side. “Kind of figured I’d be dead by now, but that hasn’t worked out yet, so here I am.”

It’s said in such a plain way that it kind of shocks Chuuya. His hand tenses on Dazai’s neck. “You don’t mean that.”

“Who’s to say what I mean and don’t mean?” Dazai says, but without its usual playful tone. It sounds hollow, almost. It’s scary.

“Don’t quote me on this,” Chuuya says, “but I’m actually kind of glad you’re here, and alive, at this stupid fucking dance.”

Dazai’s eyes brighten the slightest bit, and Chuuya’s head spins all over again. “I think I’m going to have to quote you on that, actually.”

It occurs to Chuuya all of a sudden just how close they are. His eyes meet Dazai’s all of a sudden, and before Chuuya can even think about it, he starts leaning closer. Dazai starts leaning closer, too, and they’re really about to do it, they’re going to kiss, when - 

“Mind if I cut in?”

Tachihara. Fucking Tachihara. 

God, how he wants to say no, but it’d be impolite, probably. He glances over at Dazai, who’s shooting daggers at Tachihara through his glare, and raises an eyebrow. Dazai sighs. “Sure. I was just about to go talk to Odasaku, anyways~” he says, but there’s none of his usual faux-brightness in his tone. He gives Chuuya a slight smile before he walks away.

Chuuya lets Tachihara slide his arms onto Chuuya’s waist, wondering what the hell this could be about. For an awkward twenty seconds or so, they’re both silent, before Tachihara finally speaks up. “I gotta say, I had my doubts at first.” 

“You… what? What do you mean?” Chuuya asks, confused.

“I mean that I didn’t think there was any way you two could possibly work,” Tachihara says. “What with the way you two fight and all. And then there was that period where you were avoiding him or whatever, I don’t actually know, but I was kind of like, wow, I was right. Those two were never going to last, and I can have my… my chance with Chuuya.” His cheeks are red as he stares down at the floor, but he continues anyways. “But then I saw the two of you just now, and I admit I felt kind of bad about thinking that.”

Chuuya raises an eyebrow, both at his admission and about his last sentence. “Why do you say that?”

Tachihara blinks at him. “I mean, you two were dancing so close together and stuff. You looked like you really… I mean, like you’re super in love or something, both of you. I felt bad for thinking about ruining something like that.”

Chuuya stares down at the ground, his cheeks heating up. “You know, I kind of have my doubts at times. I mean, yeah, we’re dating. But Dazai’s Dazai . It’s hard to read him sometimes. I have to wonder if he actually likes me.” 

“First of all, he’d be blind not to,” Tachihara says, his voice soft. “But also, I mean… I’ve never seen him look at anyone like that before.”

Chuuya’s heart stops beating for a second, before starting again and picking up into full force. “Look at anyone like what?”

“Well, all tender and loving. Without condescension or hostility or anything. Just… affection.”

Well, shit. 

Has Dazai been actually into him this whole time? Were they both being complete idiots? Could he really, really have this for real? Is that even a possibility? Chuuya’s mind is in complete overdrive, so he can’t find the words to answer Tachihara. Thankfully, Tachihara speaks again. “I just wanted to say that I’m really happy for you, both of you, and I’m gonna step back. Besides…” He pauses, his cheeks flaming up. “I think there’s someone else I’m starting to have my eye on.” 

It’s all very sweet or whatever, but Chuuya can’t even think about processing Tachihara’s words when he’s still thinking about the fact that Tachihara had literally said that he’d never seen Dazai look at anyone the way he looks at Chuuya, when there’s a fraction of a possibility that Dazai could feel the same way. “Can you give me a second? There’s someone I have to talk to really badly,” he says urgently, and then, when Tachihara gives him a nod and drops his hands from Chuuya, he takes off running. 

Just as he’d said he’d be, Dazai’s in the corner of the room with Oda, seeming deep in discussion. From the disgusted look on Dazai’s face, Chuuya’s sure that it’s not about something good. Oda smiles at him when he runs up, though. “Hi, Chuuya. You look like there’s something on your mind.”

“I need to talk to Dazai right now,” Chuuya says, or at least attempts to say. It all comes out slurred together into one word. 

“He’s all yours, then,” Oda says. Dazai looks like he’s going to protest, but before he can, Chuuya uses all of the strength in his (admittedly a little on the smaller side) body to drag him away.

“Chibi, what’s going on?” he asks, his voice somewhere between worried and teasing. “Am I just that irresistible that you can’t stay away from me for an entire song?”

Chuuya determines finally that they’re far enough away from everyone else, drops his wrist and whirls around, demanding, “Are you actually into me?”

Dazai’s mouth turns up, something like a challenge in his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Chibi. Have you hit your head or something?” 

There are two options here, Chuuya realizes. His first option is to drop it. To say that he’d been joking or that he’d just been wondering, and leave it like this, with this thing still hanging in the air between them. They’d have their massive breakup after this dance and everything would return to their weird equilibrium where they acted like they hated each other but never really did, and they probably wouldn’t hang out half as often. 

That option sucks, Chuuya decides.

So option two it is, then. Option two is to show Dazai he’s serious, to just put it all on the line and confess. There’s no other way, it seems, than to just do it.

He inhales, says, “Dazai Osamu. Suicide freak, obnoxious beanpole, enemy of all women. You get on my nerves like no one else in the fucking world. I’d like to strangle you ninety percent of the time. But somehow, there’s no one else on the planet that gets to me like you do, and I seem to like you way more than I should. Actually, genuinely like you. I hate my own taste in men.”

Dazai’s face goes completely red. Extremely red, in fact. It’s somehow one of the most beautiful and most hilarious sights Chuuya’s ever seen, but before he can compare him to a glorious tomato, Dazai’s saying, “Well, it took you long enough to realize, stupid hatrack. What, did your hat suffocate your brain enough for you not to be able to see that I like your ugly face too?”

There’s a big part of Chuuya that wants to be pissed. After all, Dazai’s being a complete and utter asshole, and Chuuya kind of wants to kick his ass. But then, it suddenly dawns on him that wait, Dazai had just said that he likes him too? Had that been a confession? What the fuck? 

Chuuya takes a hold of his hand roughly and starts making a beeline for the exit, once again dragging Dazai with him. Dazai’s making some kind of weak protests behind him - “What the hell is Chibi doing? This is an irrational behavior! Aren’t you supposed to be happy when you get a confession, after all?” - but Chuuya ignores him until they get outside of the building, out of everyone’s view. Then he roughly pushes Dazai up against the wall and kisses him.

It’s their first kiss, their first real kiss. Chuuya has imagined it a few times here and there, absently wondering how Dazai would kiss - aggressively? Angrily? With teeth? But this kiss is surprisingly soft, Dazai kissing back almost immediately but without any aggression really at all. His hands come up to cup Chuuya’s face, and it’s… 

It’s perfect. Even better than Chuuya had imagined, he thinks as he combs his hands through Dazai’s hair, dragging him ever closer. It’s perfect and it’s real, and he hates it, but he also loves it at the same time. Almost like a metaphor for their relationship.

When Dazai finally pulls back, his eyes a little glassy and his mouth shiny, he raises his eyebrows at Chuuya. “So, what? Is this a real thing now? Am I going to really be dating Chibi?”

“I guess I have to date your pathetic ass now,” Chuuya says, crossing his arms. “Since you begged for me to date you.”

“Please,” Dazai scoffs. “You dragged me out here and threw yourself at me. You’re the beggar here, if anyone.” 

Chuuya resists the urge to kick him. Instead, he rolls his eyes and tugs Dazai back down for another kiss, and he feels Dazai’s stupid smile against his lips. He’s kind of glad he’s found a way to get rid of that stupid smile, if he’s honest. 

.

Dating Dazai for real isn’t easy.

Dazai’s still annoying as hell. He calls Chuuya short and tiny more often than not. He tickles Chuuya at random times, which makes Chuuya furious. He takes terrible pictures of Chuuya to post on social media. He makes fun of almost everything Chuuya does.

But it’s… different, now. There’s a fond undertone in his voice when he makes fun of Chuuya. The horrible pictures he posts of Chuuya have captions with hearts on them. He’s weirdly affectionate; he holds his hand all the time and presses kisses onto his cheeks with a gentleness Chuuya wasn’t even aware he was capable of. He tells Chuuya things about himself, things that aren’t doused with a heavy heaping of irony, things that are real and leave him vulnerable, in a way that he confesses he’s never done with anyone else.

And most importantly, he stops expecting Chuuya to be his dog - most of the time, anyways.

Because it seems as though he’s found another way to keep Chuuya forever.

.

Amazing art for the moment Chuuya realizes that he's in love with Dazai, by @Maidzai on Twitter/@chuuyuri on Tumblr!