Work Text:
“Good evening, Detective. I see you changed your security system. It was an interesting challenge to get through.”
Tim closed his eyes against the distinctly unwanted sight of Ra’s al Ghul sitting on his couch, taking a deep breath, then reopened his eyes and greeted coldly, “Ra’s. To what do I owe the… Yeah, I’m not calling it a pleasure to see you. To what do I owe the migraine?”
Ra’s steepled his fingers and smirked in a way that made Tim really, really, really want to punch him, answering, “You seem tense, Detective. Perhaps you should-”
“I’d be a fuck ton less tense if you got the hell out of my apartment, Ra’s.”
Ra’s paused, apparently thrown by Tim’s outburst, and Tim took a moment to consider if he was perhaps spending too much time with Jason. Then he shoved that thought aside and continued, “I have just spent the last 72 hours at the office methodically destroying a takeover plan and the company that put it together and I’ll be honest with you, Ra’s, I’m still riding pretty high on caffeine and adrenaline. So unless you want me to take the League apart with my bare hands, I strongly suggest that you fucking tread lightly, you creepy old bastard.”
Ra’s opened his mouth, then, apparently at a loss of words, closed it again. Silence reigned for several seconds, then Tim brought one hand up to rub his temples and asked, “Why the fuck are you here, Ra’s? You don’t normally visit without a reason.”
“I have come to offer you a spot as my second-in-command in the League. All that would be required of you to take the position is your hand in marriage.”
Tim couldn’t help his reflexive grimace at the idea of marrying Ra’s al Ghul, then held up his hand and answered, “Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. First, I’m not interested in joining the League. Second, I’m already engaged. Third, even if the first two weren’t the case, I’d sooner cover myself in fish guts and go for a swim in shark infested waters than marry you.”
Ra’s laughed, the bastard, and Tim crossed over to the kitchen cabinet, opening it and pulling out the gun Jason had hidden in an empty cereal box. He took a moment to check that the clip had rubber bullets and that the safety was off, then raised the gun with a steady hand and aimed it at Ra’s, mind flitting back to several very enjoyable evenings with Jason learning to shoot at printed out photos of various Rogues and others. He chuckled internally at the memories and pointed the gun at Ra’s head, giving the smile that Jason had described as his ‘I-will-destroy-your-life-and-you-will-thank-me-for-it’ smile.
“You have fifteen seconds to get the fuck out of my apartment, Ra’s. And if I catch even one goddamn ninja anywhere near me or anyone I care about, I’m coming to Nanda Parbat and castrating you with your own sword. Tread lightly, Ra’s.”