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“I cannot believe you’re ditching me for some obnoxious rich school.”
Minho’s voice is tinny across his headphones, but Hyunjin can hear the whine in his tone anyways. He rolls his eyes, even if his friend can’t see it, and makes sure to pop his gum extra loudly just to be obnoxious. “It’s only like twenty minutes away from your apartment, hyung, stop acting like I’ve moved to another country.” Sure, it was weird and kind of a bother to transfer schools after one semester, but his parents were ‘very disappointed’ in his grades and decided that a ‘more strict school environment would ensure it didn’t happen again’ (their words, not his).
He’s not sure if the over-dramatic disgusted noise Minho makes is in response to his sentence or the wet ‘pop’ of his gum in his ears. “You’re leaving me alone with Changbin. Changbin!”
“You like Changbin.”
“I can’t tell him that. It ruins our whole dynamic.”
Hyunjin snorts, pulling out one headphone as he turns the last corner to his new school. His parents had at least agreed to let him stay in an apartment off campus, and his new roommate- a freckled boy with an accent who introduced himself as Felix and went out of his way to make sure Hyunjin knew he was welcome to do as he pleased as long as it wouldn’t get them thrown out- seems to be a pretty decent person from their limited interactions.
The campus itself is obnoxiously big, designed to impress a bunch of rich old folks with nothing better to do than critique everything around them. It’s exactly the kind of place his parents would love. “Yeah, well, you’re going to have your mental breakdown over having to actually admit you like Changbin’s company alone, because I have to try and remember where the hell my first class is.”
“Who cares where your class is? It’s not like you ever pay that much attention-” Hyunjin hangs up on him. Minho would throw a fit at him later, but that wasn’t his real concern right now. He had a statistics class on Mondays that he only had a vague idea where the building for was, and this campus was way too big for Minho to rattle off in his ear the whole time. He probably should have paid way more attention to the orientation walk through, but he’d spent most of it messaging the group chat with Minho and Changbin complaining about the girls staring at him instead.
And now he can feel even more of them staring as he shifts his bag over his shoulder more securely. Sure, he has his schedule on his phone, but not knowing which building is which makes it a little useless, and he’s already pushing it time-wise from his own stalling. He’s about to just give up and go ask the gaggle of giggling girls for directions-
“Do you need some help?”
The voice is almost soft enough for him to miss it with the headphone still jammed into his ear, but he catches the words anyways, hastily yanking them out to see who exactly it is speaking to him and oh.
Hyunjin isn’t normally one to fumble for words. He’s not the most eloquent person, sure, but he’s never been very shy or hesitant to talk to anyone. Except the boy who’s stopped next to him is staring at him with the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen, head tilted to the side in a manner that makes him think of Kkami, and Hyunjin feels like he’s accidentally swallowed his tongue.
“Uh-” He stops, swallows, puts a smile on his face. It feels a little fake and a little frantic, but he has no idea how to handle this and there’s a voice in his head laughing that sounds unsettlingly like Minho. “I’ve totally spaced on where the building for my first class is, actually, so if you could point me in the right direction…” He fumbles with his phone for a second, turning it to where the other boy can see it.
Not being the subject of that stare makes it a little easier to focus and wow, okay, Hyunjin may have figured out he was gay years ago but damn he is gay. He’s pretty sure he’s going to actually die when the boy touches his hand just barely, tipping the phone screen to see it more clearly. The glasses perched on his nose only amplify his big brown eyes and long lashes and draw attention to his soft-looking cheeks and really Hyunjin might actually just combust on the spot.
"You're actually heading in the same direction as me. I can walk you to your building." His voice is a little nasally, but it only seems to fit him more for it. Then he looks up to give Hyunjin a bright, friendly smile and trying to actually speak feels like a major effort. The attempt distracts him enough he doesn't notice his phone buzzing.
The boy does, eyes flickering down and then going wide. "Um…" He doesn't seem sure how to respond to whatever he's seen and Hyunjin has a sudden sinking realization that it's probably Minho and oh fuck he never changed Minho's contact name from what that idiot had put it in as. "Well, I don't know who 'patron saint of sucking dick' is, but I think you upset them a bit."
God, sometimes he hated Minho. He could feel his ears burning from how hard he flushed, fumbling with his phone to shove it back in his pocket. The boy seems more amused than anything, but Hyunjin would kill for the ground to open up under him right now. "Oh my god- okay yeah I just hung up on him and Minho has a really stupid sense of humor and I never changed his name from that, which I kind of should have, it's vulgar and besides I think I'm better at sucking dick than him anyway-"
He almost bites his tongue with how fast he slams his mouth shut, free hand flying up to cover his lips as he stares at the cute stranger in horror. Why the fuck did he not have a brain mouth filter or, at least, the ability to learn when to shut up for once?
The boy blinks at him for a long moment, then he gets treated to a bright smile and obviously withheld laughter. "I'll keep that in mind, but if we don't start heading that way, we're both going to be late." He makes a simple gesture for Hyunjin to follow him and starts heading further into the campus, with Hyunjin following dumbly behind.
He'd 'keep that in mind'? He'd 'keep that in mind'?! How was he supposed to take that? Really, he expected the first mental breakdown of the day to be from math or forgetting his classes, not accidentally blurting out his blowjob skills to a very gorgeous stranger and hearing that in return.
If nothing else goes his way, he manages not to embarrass himself further while they walk, and the boy stops in front of a tall building that looks almost exactly like every other building on campus. “This should be it- that class is on the third floor.” Then, before Hyunjin can even thank him, he’s off with a little smile and wave, vanishing quickly into the crowd of students rushing to get to their classes.
He didn’t even get Cute Boy’s name after embarrassing the hell out of himself, because of course that was his luck. With a groan, he turns to join the other students making their way into the building.
----
Hyunjin honestly hadn’t expected to run into Cute Boy again.
It wasn’t like the campus was particularly small, and they didn’t seem to share any classes, so he figured his complete and total humiliation at Minho’s hands to a total stranger was going to just be a random footnote in his life. Even if he was a little disappointed he didn’t get to see the boy and maybe ask him out.
Really, he should have expected it with his luck.
They don’t so much run into each other as Hyunjin actually physically barrels into him, nearly knocking them both over. It's more luck than talent that lets him catch his balance and snag the other man's shoulders to keep them from both tumbling to the ground.
For a split second he catches the other's face twisted into a dark scowl, looking ready to snap at Hyunjin- then his eyes widen a little bit and the expression vanishes as fast as he saw it. So fast he wonders if he actually did see it or if it was all in his head. Still, he almost stumbles over the words in his rush to apologize. "Sorry! Sorry, I should have been watching where I was going, are you okay?"
"I'm fine." The boy reassures him, blinking up at Hyunjin with an almost serene look that leaves him even more convinced he had to have imagined that ugly glare. "It's not a big deal, really."
He's not wearing his glasses today, but he is wearing a white beret, resting on top of his hair oh-so-carefully, and everything about him feels so 'put together' that Hyunjin feels somehow underdressed in his sweatshirt and jeans, but he's not going to let this pass by him. "Can I take you out to lunch or something?"
The boy tilts his head, the same way he did when they had first met, and it's even more adorable than Hyunjin remembers it being. It shouldn't be legal to be that cute, there has to be a crime there somewhere. He doesn't miss the way his eyes flicker away, over Hyunjin's shoulder, and he all but deflates from the realization that, obviously, running in to him was not on Cute Boy's list of things to do today. "Sorry, you're probably busy-"
"I'm not, actually." Cute Boy looks back at him and gives him another one of those sweet smiles that make Hyunjin feel his entire grasp of human language abandon him. "I don't mind, but you should probably at least know my name first, right?"
Hyunjin's sure his ears are turning red from embarrassment, because of course Cute Boy would notice him getting ahead of himself, but he can't help the smile because that was a yes. Cute Boy wanted to have lunch with him. Well, was willing to. That was a victory. "I'm Hyunjin, I'm a first year."
Cute Boy's eyes curve into crescent moons when he smiles and he has a little mole on his cheek and Hyunjin is absolutely, utterly smitten. "I know. That was on your schedule. I'm Seungmin."
Seungmin. Hyunjin barely stops the urge to sound it out, find out how the name feels on his tongue. Even the embarrassment of getting so far ahead of himself can’t stop the giddy smile crossing his face. "Are you free today, or…?"
That gets him a soft laugh that he wants to engrave into his ears forever, Seungmin’s smile blindingly bright even under the midday sun. “Yeah, I’m free. Do you have somewhere in mind?”
(Over lunch, he learns Seungmin is a criminology student, an only child, and quite a bit away from home. He doesn’t like spicy food, is willing to eat eggs at any time of the day, and laughs a lot more than he looks like he would.
Hyunjin also learns he has a smile like sunlight.)
----
Hyunjin isn’t dumb, exactly. His poor grades are usually the result of his focus on dancing over everything else; his college education is more to keep his parents happy than any desire himself to get a degree. There is, however, one subject in which he genuinely struggles to keep up, and of course it’s one he can’t get out of.
Biology.
If he weren’t in the library, Hyunjin is pretty sure he’d smack his head against the table in frustration. As it is, he lets out a quiet whine, rereading the same sentence in his text book for the fourth time.
He knows he isn’t dumb, he does well enough in his other subjects when he puts the effort in, but for some reason biology just continues to escape him. He had barely scraped by in high school, and now it’s even worse, given that the bar has been raised.
“Hyunjin?”
The soft call of his name startles Hyunjin so badly he slams his knee into the bottom of the table, yelping with pain and getting multiple people shushing him. Rubbing the sore spot, he looks up to see who said his name.
Seungmin blinks down at him through his glasses, lips parted slightly in surprise, and some part of Hyunjin’s brain sticks on wondering if he wears some kind of tint or if his lips really naturally flush so brightly. He almost bangs his knee again in his flustered state, shuffling to try and hide his doodled-on notes before Seungmin -perfect, A-student Seungmin- can see them. “Oh, hi, Seungmin.” Delicate fingers catch one sheet of his notes before he can properly hide it, and he can feel the heat rushing to his face in embarrassment as Seungmin examines the silly doodles he has all over the margins.
Then Seungmin’s lips curl up just the tiniest bit at the corners and Hyunjin is perfectly ready to die. “Having a bit of trouble with biology?”
“Yes.” His voice is so small he barely hears it himself. He hates admitting it to anyone except maybe Minho, who has known him long enough to not care. “I don’t do too well at it.”
Seungmin hums softly, then he’s pulling out the chair beside Hyunjin and taking a seat. “What’s confusing you?”
It takes a long few seconds before he realizes Seungmin is offering to help him. He’s sure his eyes are wide as saucers, but Seungmin is waiting patiently for him to answer, pretty eyes fixed on Hyunjin.
"Uh." Hyunjin stammers inelegantly, fumbling with his book for a second before pushing the last page he had open towards Seungmin. “Molecular biology is not my friend.”
He’s heard plenty about Seungmin’s grades from asking around about him. Oddly enough, that seems to be pretty much the only thing anyone knows about him- he’s apparently polite but distant with everyone, so all Hyunjin’s actually heard is ‘top student’. If anything, his agreement to have lunch with Hyunjin sounds completely out of character for him.
And yet, here he is again, carefully examining Hyunjin’s textbook like he’s never seen it before and humming tunelessly under his breath. “It’s not unusual for people to struggle with it. Is there anything specific, or just the subject in general?”
Hyunjin’s staring. He knows he’s staring. But Seungmin meets him evenly, finger still resting gently on the paper, and he finds himself carefully scooting closer. “Uh, this bit right here is worded really odd, and I don’t think I get what it’s saying…”
Seungmin spends a full hour carefully explaining the concept to him, voice soft and patient no matter how many questions he asks, and Hyunjin is pretty sure he's doomed.
----
It's cold, late, and very, very dark by the time Hyunjin makes it out of dance practice. For all Minho's quirks and oddness, not a single person could claim to doubt his dedication, and Hyunjin feels a little bad to leave him there, but he also knows that the older would sooner kick his ass than willingly leave practice time unused.
His breath clouds in the air even through his face mask, and he yanks his jacket further closed around him. The walk to his apartment isn't far, and the streets are pretty much deserted this late, but the ache in his legs says he's definitely not running the distance tonight. Sighing, he heaves his bag back up on his shoulder. He'll send Chan a message to make sure Minho actually leaves at some point, he was usually still up at this time-
His train of thought gets derailed when he sees someone moving on the other side of the street. Crushing down the usual unease at seeing someone out wandering this late at night, it only takes him a few seconds to recognize exactly who it is even in the dim lighting.
Something about the look on Seungmin's face stops Hyunjin from calling out to him; his expression is totally blank, and it sends a long shudder down his spine. There's a bag over his shoulder, not too dissimilar to his own, which feels a little odd. Seungmin had mentioned he used to play baseball, yeah, but it's far too cold for that right now, and isn't his house in a totally different part of town?
Seungmin ducks into an alley for a few seconds, and the bag is missing when he comes back out. Hyunjin can't help the frown that forms, because the bag had looked full and why would Seungmin throw away a bag full of something?
Unless it was something he wanted to get rid of.
Before he can even think to ask, Seungmin has already darted off out of sight, and for a second Hyunjin almost considers going to see what it was he had thrown out, because that was just weird.
But then his phone goes off, Felix letting him know that he's got dinner on the way if Hyunjin is hungry after practice (and he's starved, Minho was the worst about taking breaks and he was even worse about keeping up with Minho) and really, it's none of his business.
One last glance at the alley, and the direction Seungmin vanished in, and he starts the cold walk home.
----
“They honestly looked at biology and decided ‘screw it, let’s make it harder’?”
Seungmin reaches out idly to pat his head where he has it pillowed on his arms, underlining another spot in Hyunjin’s copy of his notes. “This version of bioinformatics isn’t that hard.” He soothes, which just makes Hyunjin whine louder.
“Says the criminology student. You’re actually good at organizing information.” He mumbles, watching Seungmin’s hand move deftly over the paper, marking the spots he wants to focus on. Really, for all his bitching, he’s grateful the other man is taking the time to help him out, considering his weakness in the subject. Not to mention it lets him watch Seungmin while he’s focused.
The other subject he’s weak at. For.
While Seungmin is pretty at the best of times, Seungmin focused and serious is on a completely different level. The normally soft edges of his expression sharpen to something darker and it captivates Hyunjin; he’d probably be doing much better in biology right now if he could focus on what was being explained to him instead of long, dark lashes and full lips pressed together in a firm line.
“Hyunjinnie?”
He starts out of his staring, jolting up off his arms. “Yes?” Seungmin is watching him with soft eyes, creasing at the corners as he tries not to smile. Yeah, he absolutely zoned too far out. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
----
Hyunjin thinks he's the first person Seungmin has actually let come over.
Felix had been having some kind of online tournament while they were studying, and while he had done his best to stay quiet, it was obvious from Seungmin's face the noise had been starting to get on his nerves. When they left, Hyunjin had honestly expected to go to the library; instead, he finds himself in Seungmin's living room, trying not to get distracted by the sheer fact that he's in Seungmin's home.
It's almost scary how clean and organized it is, but he doesn't think the state of vague chaos he and Felix live in would fit Seungmin at all. He even cooks instead of ordering out, feeding the both of them leftovers from his dinner the night before. "I've got the dishes," Hyunjin insists, grabbing the plates and stacking them before Seungmin can. "Seriously, you made the food, I can do this." He ignores Seungmin's tiny frown, padding across into the kitchen to set the plates in the sink.
He pauses right before he does so, staring at the dark red smears around the drain. "Seungminnie?" He calls out, carefully setting the plates on the counter beside it.
"Yes?" Seungmin's voice is muffled through the wall, a hint of curiosity in his tone.
"Did you cut yourself cooking this?" Because no matter how long he stares at it, it doesn't look like anything but blood.
There's a few seconds of silence, then suddenly Seungmin is right there next to him. He jumps a little, almost knocking the plates into the sink with the motion. "Oh-" One of Seungmin's hands comes to rest on the small of his back, the touch burning hot even through his clothes as every part of his brain focuses on it. He stares blankly at the drain, mind unfocused as Seungmin turns the water on, letting it rinse off the last remnants of the stain.
Seungmin leaves his hand on Hyunjin's back, setting the plates in the sink gently with the other. "It's nothing, Jinnie. I'll clean these later, okay?"
That's not an answer, not really. But Seungmin's hand is warm and gentle, guiding Hyunjin back to the living room with the softest touches, and he doesn't want to ask.
----
“I thought people got over confession letters in high school.” Hyunjin makes a face down at the envelope, the flowery tape holding it shut almost an eyesore against the baby blue color. He finds he doesn’t really like the contrast. It’s too bright, somehow, especially when there’s a storm rolling in overhead.
“Apparently not when you’re involved.” Seungmin’s sneakers drag over the gravel under the swing he’s sitting on, and he won’t look at Hyunjin. Hasn’t since he was handed the letter by a girl he barely knows from one of his math classes.
It sets his teeth on edge.
He’s not used to that, not used to not being the focus of Seungmin’s intense stare when they’re together.
He tears the letter in half.
Seungmin looks at him then, eyes wide behind his glasses, like somehow he’s surprised. She sprayed the paper with perfume; he can smell it from the torn halves, too strong and sickly sweet. He rips it again, makes sure it’s totally unreadable, and throws the destroyed paper away in the can by the path. The artificial smell of the perfume sticks in his nose, and it makes Hyunjin almost gag.
“You didn’t want to read it?” Seungmin asks, slowly, like he’s worried about somehow overstepping. Hyunjin wants to laugh at the thought.
He shrugs instead, crossing the playground in a few steps. He can’t quite make himself look at Seungmin yet, instead staring at the swing next to him. “Why would I? I know what it’s going to say.”
Seungmin’s watching him now, and that’s infinitely more important. He swallows, letting one hand wrap around the chains above Seungmin’s head. He’ll never push Hyunjin, he realized that a while ago, but this is something he wants to say. “People get all… Fixated, on how I look. They don’t actually care about how I actually am,” He grabs the other chain, trying not to think about how close they are and how easily Seungmin shifts his legs to accommodate him. “That’s all the letters ever are, them expounding on their weird idea of me.”
Seungmin moves his hands up the chains as he speaks. Their fingers just barely touch.
“You’re one of the first people who didn’t really give a shit about my looks.” The air tastes like rain, and Hyunjin stares up at the overcast sky. It feels safer than looking down at Seungmin right now. His mouth is dry.
He can still feel Seungmin’s eyes on him. It's weird, how it feels almost like a physical weight, but somehow it settles him now. Like a blanket, kind of, and he chokes back a laugh.
He lets his hands slide down the chains of the swing, very carefully wrapping them around Seungmin's. They're warm under his fingers, and he finally dares to look down. He's right; Seungmin is staring at him with an intensity that sends a shiver down his spine. "Seungminnie?"
He gets a noise of acknowledgement in return, rubs his thumb over the back of Seungmin's hand. "Can I kiss you?"
Seungmin’s eyes widen behind his glasses, and Hyunjin can see the pink crawl across his skin. He's beautiful even like this, colors around them washed out by the grey gloom. It feels fitting and contradictory of Seungmin all at once, a strange impression that he should be brighter than he is warring with the reality of how he is, gentle and breathtaking and unsettling in turn.
(Hyunjin thinks maybe it's selfish of him to like Seungmin best this way, greyed out, something dark lurking in his eyes, but it means that he stays away from other people, stays close to Hyunjin, and something inside him preens at the thought.)
"Okay." Seungmin's voice is soft, but doesn't falter, and it drags him back out of his head. He's flushed pink to his ears, his eyes are bright and expectant, and Hyunjin can't wait another second.
The younger's lips are warm and soft under his, the flesh torn just slightly from where he tends to chew on them, and he thinks maybe it's fine that he's so selfish, if it means he can have this.
Because Seungmin is kissing him back and suddenly air doesn't seem so necessary.
----
Seungmin’s home is in a surprisingly unassuming part of the city, just a tiny little townhouse tucked in a row of a bunch of identical townhouses. Sure, it’s actually ridiculously expensive considering it’s completely private, but with how much the tuition is at their school? Hyunjin’s not shocked Seungmin’s family can afford it.
He knows it’s kind of rude to show up without calling first, but he has Seungmin’s address from the study sessions for biology earlier in the year and he misses him. They text, but it isn’t the same as actually seeing him face to face. So that’s how he finds himself standing outside Seungmin’s house with a bag of cheap takeout, trying to get up the courage to knock.
(It takes him a solid five minutes, not that he keeps track.)
It takes strangely long for Seungmin to open the door, and even then he only opens it roughly halfway, keeping most of his left side out of view. His expression is guarded, almost a little angry. “Hyunjin.”
He sounds surprised, and… Strangely annoyed. Hyunjin finds himself deflating a bit. “Uh- hi, Seungmin. I just thought we haven’t seen each other in a bit since we’re on break from school and I really wanted to see you, so maybe we could hang out and watch a drama or something?” The words leave him in a rush, and he cringes a bit at how selfish and desperate he sounds.
Seungmin just stares at him for a long moment, and Hyunjin shrinks under the weight of it. The sigh that leaves him makes his shoulders drop. “I wish you had called or something. I can’t right now.” His voice is softer now, more apologetic, but it still stings a little to be rejected like that.
“Oh.” And Hyunjin feels dumb for not thinking about that, but he’d gotten so caught up in the idea of seeing Seungmin that he genuinely just hadn’t. “I mean, that’s okay, I should have-”
There’s a loud thud from somewhere inside the house, and he loses the entire train of thought.
Seungmin goes so still Hyunjin isn’t even sure he’s breathing, the only motion he makes a quick flicker of his eyes to the side. It’s small enough he almost misses it for the feeling of something crushing in his chest. “Oh.”
Of course. He was so dumb, assuming just because they talked all the time and he never really saw Seungmin with anyone else… But he was so sweet and so beautiful, there was no way he was alone. Hyunjin swallows around the lump in his throat, forces a smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you and- whoever, I’ll just go-”
He steps back, almost stumbling, and then Seungmin’s hand fists into his shirt and he feels like he can’t breathe from the intensity of the stare. “It’s nothing like that. No one’s here, I’m just..” Those dark eyes flicker off to the side again. “In the middle of something. Why don’t we get dinner tomorrow, Jinnie?”
“Like a date?” He blurts the words out without thinking, face burning as they register. Stupid, stupid, he shouldn’t have said that-
But the corners of Seungmin’s mouth curl up sweetly, eyes crinkling with his smile, and Hyunjin thinks he actually stops breathing this time. “I was thinking more of an actual date, not just ‘like’ one.” He has no idea what his face looks like, but it seems to make Seungmin hesitate a bit. “If that’s okay?”
Hyunjin nods so fast he’s surprised his neck doesn’t pop, feeling the fist in his shirt relax, Seungmin’s fingers instead gently splaying across his chest. “That is way more than okay, I’d- I’d love that, please?” Some part of him cringes at how desperate he sounds, like all the people constantly tripping over themselves to get his attention, yet Seungmin doesn’t seem put off at all.
The moment is interrupted by another noise from behind Seungmin; a quieter thud, then a strange wet sound. He glances over his shoulder quickly, then focuses his attention back on Hyunjin. “I really do need to get back to this. We can plan everything tomorrow, okay?” It feels placating, really, but Hyunjin nods again, eagerly, because Seungmin’s smile is soft and so, so beautiful.
Then he remembers the bag of food in his hand, and he lifts it to put the handle against Seungmin’s palm. When Seungmin blinks in confusion, he giggles, using his hand to curl Seungmin’s fingers around the plastic. His fingertips rest on Seungmin’s wrist, feeling the pulse flutter under his touch. “I brought this for us, but you can have it, okay? That way, you don’t have to interrupt what you’re doing to get food.” Seungmin almost looks like he’s going to protest, then his expression softens and-
And Hyunjin is pretty sure his heart actually stops beating when Seungmin leans out of the door frame to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. His lips are warm even against the burning heat of his flushed cheeks, and the soft laugh he gets when Seungmin pulls back is the prettiest sound he’s ever heard, and maybe this was the best idea Hyunjin has had in a long time. “Thank you, Jinnie. I’ll call you in the morning?”
“Of course.” He sounds a little breathless when he answers, but Seungmin just gives him another brilliant smile before closing the door. Hyunjin stares at it for a moment, listens to the fading footsteps, and can’t help but cup his hand over his cheek where Seungmin’s lips brushed it.
He knows he should be more concerned than giddy; even as distracted as he was, the red smears on Seungmin’s clothes when he leaned out of the door were so very obvious, and the scratches on his wrist were fresh and raised under Hyunjin’s fingers.
But Seungmin’s warm lips and soft hands stick in his head, and he can’t seem to make anything else matter.
----
The next time he sees Seungmin after his dance practice, Hyunjin doesn’t hesitate to call out to him.
Seungmin startles when he hears his name, turning sharply to look back at him. He has another bag with him, slung over his shoulder, and for a moment his expression is darker than the night around them. Then he seems to realize exactly who is calling him, and he softens again, posture relaxing a little. “Hi, Hyunjinnie.”
“You’re out late,” The fall air is chilly against his skin where his sweat hasn’t totally dried. Hyunjin pushes his hair back out of his face, pulling his hood up to try and hide how much of a mess he is. “Were you working out or something?”
He catches the hesitation, the way Seungmin adjusts the bag on his shoulder, and he fights the urge to frown. “Something like that,” He agrees softly. “Did you just get done with practice?”
Hyunjin nods, chewing on his lower lip. A car goes by, headlights playing over both of them for a moment.
There’s an ugly red stain on Seungmin’s bag. It looks like it’s spreading, slowly but surely.
“Are you throwing that out too?” Hyunjin blurts the words out before he thinks about them. As soon as they leave his mouth, he flinches. He’s not sure he was supposed to know about that, especially since he doesn’t think Seungmin noticed him.
Sure enough, Seungmin’s expression closes off a little, watching him with those dark eyes. “Yes,” He hesitates, gazes flickering down to the bag. “It’s nothing important.”
Hyunjin glances at the stain, catches himself thinking about strange wet noises and scratches on Seungmin’s arms. Blood in the sink he wouldn’t explain.
Soft lips under his, and a smile like sunlight.
“There’s an incinerator a few blocks away,” He offers quietly, gripping his own bag tighter. “They use it for waste from the medical offices, mostly, but the lock on the gate doesn’t work right. Less to go in a landfill, right?”
Seungmin stares at him.
The moment feels like it stretches into eternity. He’s holding his bag so tightly his hands hurt, and he can’t meet Seungmin’s eyes. Maybe it was stupid for him to assume that Seungmin would have any interest in his help or advice.
“Thank you, Jinnie,” Seungmin’s voice is soft when he speaks, and Hyunjin startles when he feels a hand reach up to tug his hood on more neatly. He can’t really read Seungmin’s expression, not in the dark, but the way his fingers linger before dropping down say enough. “You should head home now. Okay?”
“Okay,” He parrots back unthinkingly, eyes wide. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Seungmin smiles at him, so sweet and so warm, that Hyunjin finds himself not caring about the way the red has creeped further up the side of his bag.
----
“Can I bring Seungmin tonight?” Hyunjin toys with the sleeve of his shirt, examines himself a little more closely in the mirror. He’s pretty sure he has the beginnings of a stress breakout on his jawline.
“Are you actually dating him now? Or still in the weird pining phase?” Minho fires back, voice crackling over the speaker on his phone. It’s been almost a month since he’s actually seen Minho in person, their practice times not lining up at all thanks to the schedule changes, and yet he remains more focused on Hyunjin’s love life than is probably healthy.
Hyunjin groans, grabbing his phone off the top of the dresser and taking it off speaker. “If you really have to know, we’ve actually gone on a couple dates.”
Minho whoops loudly, and Hyunjin has to yank the phone away to save his hearing. “Oh my god finally. Yes, bring your cute boyfriend so I can interrogate him.” Before he can protest that Seungmin hasn’t actually agreed to be his boyfriend and also that Minho wasn’t interrogating anyone, he’s hung up on.
He makes a face at the ended call screen, then pulls up Seungmin’s contact. It rings long enough he almost thinks he’s going to voicemail, then- “Hyunjin?”
Seungmin sounds a little out of breath, like he’d bolted to the phone to make sure he could answer, and Hyunjin feels bad for just assuming he wouldn’t be busy. “Hi. Did I interrupt something?”
“No!” Seungmin answers so quickly he almost speaks over the tail end of his sentence. “No, I just- I left my phone in the kitchen, that’s all.” His voice is softer now, less ragged.
“Okay.” Hyunjin returns to fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt, a little hesitant to ask in spite of everything. “I was calling because I’m going out with some of my friends tonight, and I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me?” He tries to keep himself sounding casual, making sure he doesn’t sound too desperate or hopeful. Even if he really is.
Seungmin hesitates on the other line, and his stomach twists, worry that he overstepped creeping up his spine. “What time? I’m not exactly ready to go out right now…”
Hyunjin glances at his clock. “Uh, we were going to meet up in an hour or so at the restaurant, but you don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
There’s a long pause before Seungmin answers, and if Hyunjin holds his breath, no one is around to confirm it. “I should be able to make it, I think. Send me the address?”
No one is around to see his wide smile or ridiculous dance at the answer, either. “Sure! I’ll see you there, then?”
Seungmin laughs softly over the phone. “See you there.”
----
Seungmin winds up getting along almost frighteningly well with his friends. He and Minho only know each other for fifteen minutes before they’re exchanging rapid-fire barbs, both turning on Changbin when he tries to interfere in their banter. None of them get drunk drunk, although Jisung is such a lightweight he gets close, but enough alcohol goes around to smooth over any rough edges.
Minho pulls him to the side before they go out onto the street, Seungmin too caught up in some rapid-fire discussion with Chan and Woojin he can’t track to notice the two of them stopping. “He’s nice, Jinnie.”
Hyunjin watches the back of Seungmin’s head, feeling a smile tug on to his face. “He’s an angel.” He doesn’t miss the way Minho watches him, nose scrunching up the tiniest bit. “He is. He treats me so well, Minho, he doesn’t get sick of me and tell me to go away or ignore me.”
“Your idea of ignoring is just most people’s having a life outside each other, Jinnie.” Minho fires back, a small frown crossing his face as Hyunjin yanks his jacket on. “I’m glad he isn’t making you sad, at least.” Seungmin is waiting for him outside the restaurant, dark eyes watching Minho carefully until the man latches himself on to Chan’s side, yelling about being cold.
Then that intense focus settles back on Hyunjin, watching him curiously as he links their arms. It feels like a pressure over his shoulders, almost, but it’s comforting to know that someone is as interested in him as he is in them for once. “Did you have a good time, Seungminnie?”
Seungmin huffs out a laugh as they start walking, pace a little lopsided from their height difference and the leftover flush of the alcohol. “Your friends are nice,” He offers softly, watching the cars rushing past them for a moment before turning his attention back to where they’re walking. “I’m not really a social person, I guess, but they’re all nice.”
Hyunjin releases a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding, smiling even as he looks up at the streetlights overhead. “I’m glad,” He pauses, chews on his lower lip. “They liked you. A lot.”
“Do you?”
Hyunjin blinks, stopping dead in the middle of the sidewalk. Seungmin stops with him, obviously, yanked back by their interlinked arms. “Do I what?”
Dark eyes blink slowly, the streetlights above them catching in his eyelashes. “Like me.”
They’re close, so close, like this, Hyunjin’s arm still linked through Seungmin’s, their bodies kept close by the sparse crowd wandering through the streets. It’s not late enough to be abandoned, but too late for there to be too many people out- the city buzzes around them, but he can’t make himself care.
There’s an alleyway nearby, and he tugs on Seungmin’s arm, pulls both of them into the shadows. It’s easier here, when he can’t see the look on Seungmin’s face unless he strains his eyes. The pressure of his stare never fades, but Hyunjin finds that almost comforting now.
“I think maybe I like you too much.” He admits, the words feeling too loud in the quiet between the buildings. He can’t make himself look at Seungmin’s face; instead, he watches his hands, letting their arms slip apart so he can toy with his own fingers. “Is that okay?”
Seungmin is quiet for a few seconds, and they feel like the longest few seconds of his entire life.
Then he laughs, soft and quiet, and Hyunjin looks up, afraid of what he’ll see. But Seungmin is smiling at him, reaching for his hands to take in his, tugging Hyunjin closer. “I think I like you too much too.”
Hyunjin hums low in his throat, only distantly aware of the rush of passing cars and people by them. The alley isn't exactly secluded, but it's dark and the liquor in his veins makes him not care about anything but the way Seungmin is watching him. They're close, closer than he would normally dare, and he can feel breath on his face, the other's head tilted back slightly to keep their eyes locked.
He plays with Seungmin's hands almost idly, fingers running over the calluses on his palms before carefully, oh so carefully intertwining with his own. "Can I kiss you?"
Seungmin laughs, although it's more of an exhalation than anything. Hyunjin loves the way his eyes crinkle at the edges, the way it makes him seem so much brighter and how that sometimes feels reserved just for him. "Are you going to ask that every time?"
He's not sure which of them moved, but they're close enough now that he can feel Seungmin's lips brush against his when he speaks, taste the faint hint of alcohol left on his breath. If he could focus more on anything but how badly he wants to see what the younger's lips look like swollen and kiss-bruised, he could probably count every individual eyelash even in the dim lighting. "Mhmm."
Another breathy laugh, and then Seungmin is kissing him. It's brief and a little sloppy, their noses bumping together, but Hyunjin catches himself smiling, chases after his lips to kiss him again. And again and again, until Seungmin's fingers are tightening against his own and they're pressed so close together he's not sure where one ends and the other begins. It feels a little dangerous, maybe, knowing what he thinks he knows, but then his fingers are brushing over Seungmin's hips, catching in his belt loops, and Hyunjin can't make himself care. He’s realized there’s something darker there, has seen the way Seungmin sometimes goes blank and cold when he doesn’t realize Hyunjin’s watching, but here and now he’s so warm.
"Seungminnie?" Seungmin makes a faint noise of acknowledgement, kisses him again until Hyunjin remembers his question and squirms back just a little. "Can I come home with you?"
Seungmin goes still for a moment, and even in the darkness he can see something flicker across his face. He can't tell quite what it is, not with the alcohol clouding his brain, but he's pretty sure he's overstepped some kind of boundary he didn't know was there. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked-"
"It's okay." The almost breathless way Seungmin speaks makes something churn in his gut, and the fact that instead of letting him pull back, his arms are wrapping around Hyunjin's neck, makes him hesitate. Fingers play with the hair at the back of his neck. "Just… Not tonight."
He knows he's pouting, and that's only confirmed when Seungmin laughs through his nose, leans in to kiss him again and for just a moment catches Hyunjin's bottom lip between his teeth, making a whine escape his throat. "It's not a no," his voice is quieter this time, so soft that if they were further apart the city noise would smother it, "Just not tonight."
"Okay." It's easy, it's so, so easy to just go along with whatever Seungmin says. Even easier to kiss him again, gentler this time. "Can I still kiss you some more?"
The soft giggles he gets in response are worth everything to him, and they're even more wonderful when he can feel them against his lips, muffled by the contact.
Hyunjin loses track of how long they stand there, Seungmin's arms still looped around his neck, kissing almost lazily in the dark. There's the constant low hum of traffic and people in his ears, but it's hard to focus on them over the soft sighs brushing over his skin, every one of his senses hyper aware of the man in his arms. "You're cute." He mumbles against Seungmin's mouth, delighting in the way his shoulders tremble with laughter even as his teeth drag across his lower lip.
“You, calling me cute.” The words are more breath than sound, but the amusement in his tone is still clear even as Seungmin pulls back. "I have class in the morning."
All of his attempts to convince Seungmin that little things like class and school and education aren't important fall flat, and he begrudgingly allows himself to be pulled back on to the street, their fingers intertwined. He can't make himself regret it too much, not when the increase in light graces him with the sight of flushed cheeks and bruise-pink lips. They're only a few blocks from his apartment now, but Seungmin still insists on walking him back.
("I'll be fine, Seungminnie, promise."
"I'm not letting you walk all that way alone. Who knows what monsters are out tonight?"
"But you have to walk alone too!"
Even in the light, he can't read the smile Seungmin gives him. "I don't have anything to worry about from monsters.")
The walk feels too short, even though Hyunjin has no real sense of time left from the alcohol and the heady feeling of Seungmin's hand in his. He can feel himself pouting as they reach the steps of his building, which earns him a delightful giggle and Seungmin leaning up to kiss it off him. He follows after those soft lips when he pulls away, whining low in his throat. Seungmin indulges him, kisses him slowly and thoroughly, resting a hand on the side of Hyunjin's neck, and he can't resist one last try. "Are you sure you don't want to come up?"
"Hyunjin." Although Seungmin says his name with what sounds like exasperation, there's something just a little harsher underneath, something dark and intense, and the fingers on his neck tense against the skin for a moment before releasing. He doesn't want to admit it, the way it sends something electric down his spine, and he bites down on a whimper. If he hadn't wanted Seungmin to come up before…
But Seungmin just presses another soft kiss against his lips, releases his neck as he steps back. "Goodnight, Hyunjin."
"Goodnight, Seungminnie." He parrots without thinking, watching Seungmin start down the street with wide eyes.
He's really, absolutely screwed.
----
He winds up back at the park where he kissed Seungmin the first time after the fight. His chest burns, and he barely manages to sit down on one of the benches before the sobs come and his vision blurs.
The split in his lip is still throbbing, and really, he probably should have gotten his ass kicked more than he did, but luckily Hochang seems to be more of a wimp than he is. It’s not his fucking fault that he looks like this, and he shouldn’t have snapped at being told he was just going to ‘coast’ on his looks. He’s so fucking tired of hearing that.
The cut on his cheek from one of Hochang’s rings burns when his tears run over it.
“Hyunjin?”
Seungmin sounds almost panicked, and he can’t stop the new sob that escapes him. Of course the absolute last person he wants to see him like this is the one who finds him. He brings his hands up to press against his eyes, trying to stop the tears from dripping down. He’s a mess, he knows he is, and he hates the idea of Seungmin seeing that.
Delicate fingers pry at his hands, pulling them away from his face, and Hyunjin squeezes his eyes shut to keep from having to see his reaction. “Oh, Jinnie.” Seungmin’s voice is soft, guiding his hands down to his lap before touching his face again. Then the hands disappear, followed by the sound of a zipper, and the sound of water dripping. Hyunjin flinches just a little at the touch of the cloth to his face, carefully wiping away the smeared blood and tears on his skin.
Seungmin treats him like something precious and fragile, and it makes him want to keep crying. A tiny hiccup escapes him, and he sucks his lip between his teeth to try and muffle it. He tastes blood when he does, knows he’s torn it a little more.
"Hyunjin, you need to let me see it," Seungmin's touch is so gentle, even as he grabs Hyunjin's chin to force it up. It makes a whimper try to form in his throat, both from the tenderness of his jaw and the treatment itself, but he bites it back, reluctantly letting his lip slip back out of his mouth.
He forces his eyes open, preparing to apologize; the words die in his throat when he sees the way Seungmin is staring at his mouth. He’s used to Seungmin’s intensity now, he thought, but this? This feels new.
Seungmin’s thumb comes to rest on his lip, just the smallest amount of pressure on the bruised flesh, and he gently pulls it down. Hyunjin knows, really, it’s probably to get a better look at the damage, but that doesn’t stop him from whining softly at the flash of pain. He tries to swallow, but it doesn’t work too well, and he’s sure a bit of his saliva is probably dripping down Seungmin’s hand. The humiliation burns, and he barely manages not to shudder, staring at Seungmin with wide eyes.
Seungmin doesn’t seem to even notice, eyes fixed on his mouth. Flicking his eyes down, Hyunjin can just barely see where a small bit of blood is dripping down Seungmin’s fingers. He thinks about how neat Seungmin is, how a classmate leaving the smallest hint of mess sets him off, and wonders why this doesn’t seem to bother Seungmin.
The thumb slips down to his chin. Just as he’s about to ask, Seungmin kisses him.
It hurts, really, the pressure against where his lips are bruised and split open. He still doesn’t hesitate to kiss back, whining low in his throat when Seungmin holds his chin still. This grip isn’t so tight Hyunjin couldn’t pull away if he wanted, but he can’t figure out why he would want to.
He can taste his own blood on Seungmin’s lips when he coaxes his mouth open, more pain spiking through him when Seungmin sucks on the cut, presses his tongue into it. Hyunjin knows he’s making little noises against his mouth, knows he should probably try and resist it more because it burns and his eyes are tearing up. But this is Seungmin, and that’s the last thing he wants to do.
Seungmin’s other hand moves up to his hair, pulling on it lightly as he licks over the cut, soothes the pain just a bit before he pulls back. The way Seungmin stares at him, eyes dark, makes Hyunjin shiver and a little whimper escape his throat. He can feel the mix of blood and spit smeared below his lips, and he should be grossed out.
He can’t make himself be, not when Seungmin is staring at him like that.
Seungmin blinks twice, almost in slow motion, then seems to snap out of whatever came over him. There's still blood smeared across his lips, stark red and glistening in the light. Hyunjin finds himself hypnotized by it when Seungmin speaks. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just-”
“It’s okay.” Hyunjin interrupts, ignoring how it hurts to speak. He brings his hand up to wipe at his eyes, trying to get rid of the tears. Seungmin nudges his hand away, wipes them away gently with the cloth before cleaning up his chin. Every touch is so soft he almost can’t believe this is the same man who just played with the cut on his lip until it bled into their mouths.
Seungmin hums softly, examining the cut. “What happened, Hyunjinnie?” There’s an edge to his tone, one that clearly suggests lying would not be a good idea.
So he doesn’t.
He blurts out the whole story to Seungmin while the other cleans his face, expression stoic. Even when Hyunjin feels himself tearing up again, trying to explain why it hurts so much to be told his looks are going to overwhelm anything else he tries. “I don’t want to be just a pretty face-” His voice cracks, and he buries his face in his hands.
Fingers run over his hair, then gently pull his hands away from his face. "Take this." And Seungmin is holding out a handkerchief, a real, honest to god handkerchief, and he almost laughs because somehow that just fits.
Hyunjin wipes at his face with the handkerchief, forcing a watery smile. "What, you don't think I'm handsome?" His voice sounds weak and hoarse even to his own ears, but this feels a little too deep, a little too personal, and he's scared.
"No, I think you're beautiful." Seungmin doesn't even hesitate on the words, and when Hyunjin forces himself to meet his eyes, the stare directed at him is intense enough he almost shrinks back into the bench. "But…"
The way Seungmin's face scrunches up a little, eyes drifting down for a moment and cheeks tinted just the smallest hint of pink, is strangely endearing. "I don't think that just because of how you look."
----
It takes two months for Hochang to stop showing up. Another week for the rumors to go around that he dropped out and basically dropped off the face of the earth.
Two weeks until his body is found in the river.
Hyunjin doesn't know, exactly. He doesn't have any proof, and it's plausible, in theory, that the new rumors - that Hochang had just gotten overwhelmed and not wanted to be a burden to his family - are true. Then he remembers the dark, ugly look in Seungmin's eyes, and the way his stare had lingered on Hochang after their fight, and he knows. Part of him wants to say something, to ask Seungmin if he really had something to do with it.
(Another, uglier part of him adores the idea it was because of him, that Seungmin felt so intensely about it he was willing to go that far. That part is harder to quiet down every time.)
But he also remembers the way Seungmin's hand had fit into his, the way he’d touched Hyunjin like he was something delicate, and the softness in his voice when they talked after.
He doesn't ask.
----
He doesn’t mean to let it slip.
Seungmin lets him come over more often now, even if he always has to call first to make sure it’s okay, and he thinks maybe he gets a little too comfortable with the idea. It’s just part of Seungmin, really, to the point he forgets it isn’t normal.
Which is how Hyunjin fucks up.
He’s sat on the floor by the couch, statistics notes scattered around Seungmin’s coffee table while Seungmin is in the kitchen pouring them both more coffee, when he accidentally knocks one of Seungmin’s highlighters under the couch. He doesn’t think anything of reaching to grab it, automatically grabs plastic when he feels it under his fingers.
It’s a split second later, as he’s pulling it out, that he registers it’s a little too thin to be the highlighter, and sticky. The snapped zip tie isn’t the most ominous thing on its own; there’s a thousand potential reasons for one to be left around.
The blood and hair on it, however, is a little less explainable.
“So, do you feel a little more- ah.”
Hyunjin looks up from the zip tie in his hand to Seungmin, who is staring at it with such intensity he’s almost amazed it doesn’t burn in his grip. His expression is completely flat, a far cry from the soft one he usually reserves for Hyunjin, and Hyunjin feels something in his guts twist.
He’s pretty sure speaking without thinking is one of his worst traits. “You should be more careful with this stuff, Seungminnie.”
Seungmin snaps his gaze to Hyunjin then, and he almost shrinks back under the force of it. It’s almost robotic, how Seungmin crosses the room and sets the two mugs down delicately onto the table, careful not to spill. “With what stuff?” His voice is soft, a little more gentle than Hyunjin would have expected given the circumstances.
Really, what else can he call this? A fucking zip tie covered in what Hyunjin’s willing to bet is human blood and hair? “Evidence.” He sounds weak to his own ears, not fighting Seungmin taking the plastic from his fingers. “Seungminnie…?”
“It’s okay, Jinnie,” Seungmin reassures him, reaching out with his free hand to brush Hyunjin’s hair back from his face. “It’s okay. I can handle this.”
His hand is shaking, just a little bit.
Then he vanishes into the kitchen again, zip tie still clutched in his hand, and Hyunjin finds himself staring down at his notes like somehow they hold an answer here. He’s scared, he’ll admit it. This is the first time he’s let Seungmin know he knows, and even now he’s not sure how he’ll react. So far Seungmin seems calm, but it’s not like he can be sure that will last, and he has to figure out how to explain he doesn’t care.
Seungmin is so sweet and so gentle with him. He knows he should care, he does, but every time he tries to make himself, he thinks of soft lips and crinkling eyes in dim lights.
Those people are just strangers.
He looks up at the sound of footsteps, lips parting to speak, but before he can even get a word out, there’s a sharp pinch in the side of his neck. He squeaks, one hand flying up to cover the spot as Seungmin pulls back. Unconsciously, his eyes slip to Seungmin’s hand.
The actual needle of the syringe is practically invisible. He tries to speak, ask Seungmin what’s going on, but his tongue feels too heavy in his mouth. Whining, Hyunjin grabs on to the edge of the table, trying to help push himself to his feet.
The last thing he feels is Seungmin’s hands on his shoulders, carefully guiding him down to the floor.
----
Hyunjin snaps back to consciousness on a hard floor.
The ceiling bleeds into darkness above him, and behind the headache pounding in his skull he figures this must be Seungmin’s basement. It smells strongly of bleach, enough he almost gags on the imagined taste, which sends him into a coughing fit. He tries to bring his hands up to cover his mouth, but something digs harshly into his arms and he belatedly realizes he’s tied up, because of course he is.
Something bitter floods the back of his throat, and he wants to cry. This was how he got all of the others down here, how they went from living breathing humans to something easily hidden and discarded-
Seungmin doesn’t trust him.
That, somehow, is what burns. Not the knowledge that he’s probably about to die, but the fact that Seungmin doesn’t trust him enough to trust him with this.
He tries to blink back the tears, staring at the sole light above him with enough intensity he can blame his watering eyes on the unshielded bulb.
“You’re awake.” Seungmin’s voice is softer, more faltering than he expects, and then the light is obscured. It takes a second for his eyes to readjust.
Seungmin is closer than he expects, kneeling maybe, and watching him with that manufactured blank expression. He sees through it now, sees the way Seungmin swallows hard, how scared his eyes look. "I'm sorry," Seungmin drags his lower lip between his teeth, releases it. He thinks this isn't how someone who's killed plenty of times before should look. "You weren't supposed to wake up."
Gentle fingers brush his hair off his forehead, then move down to wipe away the tears that are starting to escape. "I'll put you back under," he reassures, voice still soft and small. "You won't feel anything."
"Please don't." It slips out before he can stop it. There's still a tiny portion of his brain, whatever's still left of his self-preservation, that's absolutely panicking over the fact he's about to die. But the rest is consumed with something that somehow feels so much more pressing. Seungmin has the tiniest little frown on his face, and Hyunjin already knows he's going to think the wrong thing, so he fights the dull fog in his brain to get the words out. "Please, Minnie, if this is all I get I don't want to miss it."
He's long accepted the fact he's maybe a little bit broken, that the worst part of this situation isn't his impending death but the idea that Seungmin will rob him of the last bit of time they'll ever get together. But that's the thought that makes his chest and eyes both burn, the one that sets panic simmering just under his skin.
(Some part of him always knew it would end like this, he thinks. Even if there was always some tiny hope for a happily ever after.)
Seungmin's eyes widen just a little bit, and that cracks the emotionless mask for the first time since their conversation earlier that afternoon. He looks sad, and it makes something twist in Hyunjin's guts, makes him want to reach out and cup his face, promise him it's all okay.
But the zip ties dig into his wrists if he shifts his arms too much, and he just presses his cheek against Seungmin's hand as a substitute.
"Okay." The word is barely more than a whisper; Hyunjin doubts he would have heard it if it wasn't so quiet. Seungmin runs his thumb over his cheek, warm and more comforting than the circumstances should allow.
Then Seungmin pulls away, leaving him staring at nothing again. He closes his eyes to block the glaring light, listening to the sound of Seungmin moving around. The whole situation feels so surreal; if it weren’t for the pain of concrete pressing against his back and the pressure of the zipties, he’d think he was dreaming. Just some weird, fucked up thing his head decided to conjure up to mess with him at night before he woke up.
But then there’s pressure on his hands, guiding him to bend his arms up, and weight settles on his stomach. He opens his eyes to see Seungmin staring down at him, one hand resting gently over both of his.
The knife in his other hand gleams a dull silver in the light.
Hyunjin exhales slowly, dragging his gaze away from the blade back to Seungmin’s face. It’s hard to see him this blank, the memory of that soft smile superimposed over the reality staring down at him. There’s still some part of his brain where it’s actually sunk in that he’s going to die, that’s screaming at him to try and get away, but this is Seungmin. Soft, beautiful, sweet Seungmin.
His hand is trembling, just the tiniest bit, where it’s laid over Hyunjin’s. He wants to take it in his, curl their fingers together again, promise him it’s all okay.
Seungmin reaches up to hold his face again, and he tilts into the touch. His head still hurts, spinning just a little from whatever Seungmin had injected him with. “It’s okay Seungminnie,” He mumbles without thinking. “Just be careful, okay? People know you know me. So you have to be extra careful.”
His words are a little slurred, but he hopes it comes through clearly. Seungmin’s expression softens, cracks at the edges, and it hurts something deep in his guts. “No, no, no, no, please don’t be sad,” Hyunjin whines, instinctively trying to raise his hands. “I hate it when you’re sad.”
“Hyunjin…” The way Seungmin says his name is more breath than sound, and he moves his hand back down to cover Hyunjin’s, fingers curling over his. Hyunjin grabs at him as best he can, and Seungmin seems to humor him, squeezing his hand. “Hyunjin, baby, don’t cry.”
That’s the first time he realizes he is.
He blinks, feeling the tears drip down the side of his face. “I’m sorry,” He hiccups after the words, and now that he’s actually realized he’s crying he can’t make himself stop. “I’m so sorry Seungminnie.”
Seungmin carefully pulls his hand free of Hyunjin’s, gently wiping away his tears. It’s so soft, so gentle, it tears another sob out of his throat. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Jinnie.” He sounds confused, brow furrowed slightly as he stares down at Hyunjin.
“I wasn’t good enough for you,” He almost chokes on the sob, coughing for a second. “I didn’t care, I just wanted to make you happy, I fucked it all up, I’m sorry-” He thinks he’s going to hyperventilate, can barely see through his tears. This isn’t how he wanted it to end.
He didn’t want it to end at all.
Seungmin hushes him softly, bringing both hands up to cup his cheeks. “No, no, Jinnie, baby, you’re so wonderful. This isn’t-” He stops for a moment, running his thumbs over Hyunjin’s eyes to help clear the tears. He’s staring down at him so warmly, it makes Hyunjin just want to cry more.
The handle of the knife is warm from where it's been in Seungmin's palm. It digs into his cheek, just a little, but he doesn’t care. “Hyunjin,” Seungmin hesitates, eyes flickering over his face in a way that almost looks panicked. “Jinnie, you know you can never leave me, right?” His voice is soft and gentle as his touch, one thumb brushing over Hyunjin’s lips. He can just barely taste the salt from his own tears. “If you try, I’ll kill both of us.”
“Why would I want to?” The words leave him before he thinks about them, but he means them. He turns his head just a little, presses more into Seungmin’s hand. “I don’t want to ever leave you. I love you.”
Seungmin’s eyes go wide for a moment, like he doesn't believe what he's hearing, and Hyunjin isn't sure why; he's tried his best to be good and attentive and whatever Seungmin wanted, it should have been obvious. Then Seungmin's hands are moving away from his face, and he whines, trying to lean up to chase the touch.
The zip tie snaps audibly when Seungmin slices it. Hyunjin flexes his fingers on instinct, still not moving his hands from where they're laying against his chest. "Seungminnie?" He isn't sure what he's asking, really. He can't figure out Seungmin's expression, not this time. Seungmin sets the knife down beside them, clinking loudly against the concrete floor.
Then his hands come back up to Hyunjin's face, cupping his cheeks as he ducks back down to kiss him.
Hyunjin kisses back, knows he comes across as more than a little desperate, hands fisting in Seungmin's shirt, but he wants this, more than anything. He whines a little when Seungmin pulls away, and fingers run soothingly through his hair in response. "I've got you, baby, it's okay," Seungmin reassures softly, pressing another chaste kiss to his lips. "I love you too, Jinnie."
----
Hyunjin giggles brightly, swatting at the hands grabbing for his waist as he tries to punch in the door code. “Hang on, just a second.”
“You’re so pretty, baby.” The man behind him slurs just a little, burying his face in the back of Hyunjin’s neck. His breath is hot and wet there, making Hyunjin shudder slightly as the door clicks open. They stumble inside, more from the way he’s being leaned on than the actual effects of the alcohol, and Hyunjin giggles again.
He manages to slip out of his grasp, nudging the other man towards the couch. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.”
Hyunjin watches him flop onto the couch from his peripheral vision, sprawling out comfortably while he ducks into the kitchen. The noodles Seungmin prepared earlier are carefully wrapped in the fridge, and he pulls them out, humming in consideration over the two wine bottles side by side in the door. He sets the bowl on the counter, pulling out both bottles and walking back into the living room. “Red or white?”
“Uh, red?” The man’s nose scrunches up a little in confusion, sitting up a little more on the couch. “What, you didn’t get enough at the bar?”
Hyunjin rolls his eyes in annoyance. “I wasn’t asking you.”
That makes the stranger on his couch scramble upright, clearly ready to bolt.
Unfortunately for him, Seungmin is faster.
Before he can even get to his feet, Seungmin has the needle embedded in the side of his neck and he slumps over with a groan, almost knocking their coffee table over when he goes down. Seungmin steps around to wrap his wrists and ankles with the zip-ties in his other hand, straightening out the table as he stands back up. “White with this, I think. There’s not a lot of fat, the red will be too bitter.”
Hyunjin smiles, looking at the label of the white to read it as he goes back into the kitchen. He can hear the faint noises of Seungmin moving around, probably getting the man ready to take to the basement. “I should have everything warmed up by the time you’re done, baby.” He calls over his shoulder, humming some random song from dance practice earlier that day as he listens to Seungmin’s agreement.
Some part of him feels like he should feel bad about this, for casually preparing dinner for himself and his boyfriend when he knows exactly what’s about to happen downstairs. But he just doesn’t. The man had followed him of his own free will; it wasn’t like he had forced him into anything. And Seungmin is always softer, more settled afterwards.
That’s more important to him than any random stranger ever will be. Seungmin will never hurt him, he knows that down to his core, but there’s that period when it’s been too long that his edges sharpen, where he’s a little colder and less open with Hyunjin.
Hyunjin hates those periods.
He preps two servings, slipping both plates into the microwave to warm them up, listening to the low buzz fill the kitchen while he pulls out two glasses. “Corkscrew, corkscrew…” He mumbles softly to himself, pulling open the drawer Seungmin kept set aside for more ‘unusual’ kitchen tools to locate it.
The microwave goes off while he’s opening the wine, but he ignores it in favor of trying to pour an even amount into both glasses- Seungmin somehow does it perfectly every time, but he can never seem to manage it. He pouts down at the slightly uneven amount in the glasses, then warm arms wrap around his waist, lips brushing over the back of his neck, and he can’t help the smile that blooms over his face. “How do you always get the same amount in both glasses?” He whines, even if he doesn’t stop smiling, not when Seungmin is trailing soft kisses up to his chin.
“I’m a perfectionist,” Seungmin answers dismissively, nudging Hyunjin’s cheek with his nose until he twists around enough in his arms for a proper kiss. Their mouths move together lazily, Hyunjin draping his arms over his boyfriend’s shoulders and leaning more of his weight onto him. Seungmin stumbles a little under his full weight, laughing against his lips, and warmth blooms in his chest.
“Seungmin?” He murmurs, fingers playing with the hair on the nape of Seungmin’s neck. It’s getting long; they’re both probably due for haircuts if he’s honest. Seungmin makes a questioning noise, pulling back enough to look at him. “I love you.”
And just like that, all the edges soften, and he’s met with a smile like the sun. “I love you too.”