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It’s Tuesday, 9am, when Haruno Sakura sees the world shimmer before her, everyone at the market suddenly years younger and quite confused. A sense of existential dread falls over her, and all she can do is worry for her daughter.
Her daughter, who her husband left with just minutes before. She takes to the roof, running over the tiles. She finds Sasuke on the main road, staring at his prosthetic- no, it looks far too much like his actual arm, but Sakura doesn’t have time for this.
“Sarada, where is Sarada?!” Sakura clutches Sasuke’s arm. “Sasuke, you took her out of the village- where is she?!”
Sasuke’s eyes are blown wide, looking everywhere around them, sharingan spinning. “We didn’t even get through the gate.”
“Guys…” Naruto says, with trepidation in his voice like the dragging feet of a burned out salary man on his way to work, “I… I think we were caught in Tsukuyomi.”
Sakura laughs, tones of hysterics among it, “Ha! Been listening to Konohamaru and his conspiracy theories again, hobaka-sama? Like Tsukuyomi would make Sarada disappear!”
Her daughter will be there in every single beautiful dream Sakura could dream up. She had not known what a force love truly could be until she gave birth.
“That’s the thing- I… I think our children never existed, Sakura-chan. Look at yourself- you're nineteen, not thirty-five, why would you have a child that old at this age?”
And Sasuke- Sasuke, who has so many issues. Sasuke, who she has never quite forgiven
Sasuke- who she married right when he came back to the village, even though she can’t remember why and the Tsukuyomi is starting to sound like a scarily good explanation- Sasuke says “Kai!”
His voice is hoarse, his dark eyes sunken in his face, cheeks pale and heart bared for all to see.
Their daughter does not appear before them.
This night, Sasuke Uchiha loses his clan once again, and this time Sakura grieves right along with him.
It is Tuesday, 9am, when Haruno Sakura discovers her perfect life is a dream, and her world shatters.
“If Sarada doesn’t exist,” Sasuke says, desperation in his voice, and a franticness Sakura doesn’t quite understand the source of yet, “Why don’t we make her again?”
Oh.
OH.
In Sakura’s defence, it wasn’t about the sex. It wasn’t about forgetting by burying themselves in each others bodies. No, it was an act far more desperate than that. It was to recreate Sarada.
In hindsight, maybe that isn’t a good defence at all. Maybe the desperation made it worse.
Maybe, just maybe, they were being stupid children, at eighteen and nineteen respectively.
In any case, it doesn’t matter, because the pregnancy takes at once and not even their far older mental age saves them when shit hits the fan.
The first thing Sakura feels after (After the first wave of despair, after the Tsukuyomi broke, after her world shattered and she right along with it, crumbling into Sasuke and he into her) is a cold, hard thirst for knowledge. When Sakura does not know what to do with her emotions, she ends up either wallowing in them or burying them in research and analysis. Often at the cost of sleep.
It’s far from healthy, but it’s far better than her shishou’s vices, for example. At least Sakura doesn’t drink and sign important village files at the same time.
The thing is, about analyzing the Tsukuyomi- while in it, she might have thought her life was perfect, but now she’s broken out, it’s quite clear that was not the case. Might have something to do with all her ambitions in life being shoved aside in favour of playing the housewife to her absentee husband. Sure, it was somebody's perfect life, but not hers.
It makes her question- the Tsukuyomi was a mass genjutsu, after all. What if it pieced parts of everyone’s dreams together into one whole that the prisoners of the genjutsu were convinced was perfect?
Sakura has the sneaking suspicion that the part about her being a housewife was part of her mother’s hopes and dreams.
The thought makes her fear for how she might fail her daughter in a world that is not a dream.
Sakura’s pregnancy is confirmed and Sasuke moves in. It’s only proper, her mother says. It’s only practical, is probably closer to the truth. Sakura lives by shinobi values these days, no matter how deep rooted the civilian principles of her youth may be.
It’s far from sunshine and roses, though. All of a sudden, there are issues on the table they've never talked about before. “You tried to kill me.”
“You were loyal to a village that killed my clan.”
“You didn’t even know that at the time!”
“Doesn’t make it any more acceptable!”
“You're working for Konoha yourself!”
“Well, maybe I'm reconsidering that.”
Sakura gasps and flinches back, a protective arm around her stomach. “You'd betray the village that will raise her?”
“It raised us, and what are we? A kin-killer and a pathetic woman chasing after a man that doesn’t want her!”
Sakura sucks in a sharp breath. Not even the father of her child is worth this. “Get out.”
He doesn’t listen.
“The part of my life in which I chased after you is long over, Uchiha Sasuke. If you can’t respect me, then get out and close the door behind you.”
He is silent for a minute. Then two minutes. Then three, and Sakura is prepared to turn around and leave herself if he won't, when he suddenly speaks up. “I'm sorry. I was out of line.” And then, looking like it physically pains him to say it: “Want me to go for the evening?”
She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. He looks so lost, standing there. A nobody’s child, an orphan, a grown man that does not belong anywhere and can’t find his way back home.
“Start working on your case against the State, I'll make sure Tsunade-shishou will see it. I can’t make any promises, but I think she'd be glad for the excuse to get rid of the people involved with the Uchiha Massacre.”
“…I don’t deserve your help. Not after the things I did.”
“No, you don't. But I'm giving you a chance, Sasuke. Take it, or don’t ever darken my doorstep again.”
“Thank you.”
He accepts with hands wide open.
Life goes on outside their bubble as well. The Tsukuyomi caused mass panic, which ended with quite a few injured, not to mention the mess that is waking up in a world where you aren’t who you used to be. For example, technically Tsunade is hokage, but Naruto has shown up in the office every day since they awoke. Tsunade leaves him to it and retreats to her hospital.
‘’What woman doesn’t want to wake up younger and with less headache inducing work?’’ she jokes as she applies the cold gel onto Sakura’s stomach. ‘’20 weeks along! You know what that means.’’
Sasuke shifts in his uncomfortable plastic chair. His quizzical look makes Sakura laugh. ‘’She’ll be able to see the gender.’’
‘’Hn.’’
Not like it’ll mean much to them. It’s their Sarada after all.
‘’Ready to see your girl?’’ Tsunade asks.
The monitor whirrs to life.
One look. A second look. A third look.
Sakura’s breath stutters. ‘’No.’’
Sasuke’s hand shoots up, gripping hers tightly. ‘’What’s going on? Is she hurt?!’’
She nearly breaks his hand squeezing back, but his gaze doesn’t waver. ‘’Sasuke… Sasuke, it’s a boy. Sasuke, it isn’t Sarada.’’
They break again.
It’s quiet in their house. Has been for days. Sakura’s been taking care of herself for the sake of the child in her stomach, but it’s been difficult. Mostly, she just sat on the couch, leaning against Sasuke in complete and utter silence.
They need to talk about it. But what to say, when you lost a child? What to do, when Sarada is dead for all intents and purposes?
They hold each other tight, and this says more than words ever could. Sasuke’s never been particularly forthcoming in the verbal sense, but his actions? His touch? Those say everything. He holds her hand, puts an arm around her waist, cards his hands through her hair, cups her cheeks and rubs her feet.
The conception of the child-they-thought-was-Sarada was easy. Perhaps because it was not so much affection as it was done for the goal. They needed to learn how to touch each other again. How to be careful. How not to crush this small bird just learning how to fly. Their relationship is a fragile thing, but it is solidifying, one touch at a time.
She talks to Tsunade a lot. Where there is wordless understanding in her relationship with Sasuke, bound by their mutual grief, her relationship with Tsunade is filled with words. Words of teaching, words of learning, words of respect, of love, of commanding a nation. This is why Tsunade means so much to her: she understands. She understands what her mother cannot- is her mother in so many ways. Her teacher in life, her shinobi parent. Unlike Sasuke, who bleeds grief, Tsunade lives grief. It’s a very important distinction. For Sasuke it is an open wound, for Tsunade it is simply part of life- a part that does not do under for any other, but is also not allowed to rule her.
Tsunade understands grief, and being the one left behind. Through death or otherwise.
Once upon a time, Sakura was just a little tree who never flowered. Begging Tsunade to teach her was a good decision- it was her who told her to quit waiting on someone to make her bloom, when she had all the power in the world to do it herself.
So again, it is Tsunade who tells her to woman up. ‘’There must be room for grief over Sarada. But there must also be room for yourself, and for this new child. Go home and think of a name, Sakura. The name of the future.’’
Sakura cries, but they are tears of healing.
‘’I’d like to call him Itachi.’’
Sakura has no idea how to break it to Sasuke that that is a very, very dumb idea. ‘’Sasuke, I don’t want you to drown in sadness every time you call our son’s name.’’
‘’What about Shisui, then?’’
‘’Same deal.’’
‘’…Kagami?’’
‘’That’s what I’d have been called if I were a boy, we’re not naming him after me.’’
‘’Obito?’’
‘’It’s a no to the megalomaniacs.’’
‘’What do you want then?’’
‘’Something that is significant, yet, y’know. Not too depressing.’’
‘’We’re going to be here for a long time then.’’
‘’How bad can it be, the birth is still months away, we’ll figure something out before then.’’
They don’t figure out a name before the birth, and it’s a problem. Sasuke’s off receiving the child from the midwife, and Sakura is high on painkillers during the after birth. The birth certificate is next ot her, and she’s picking up the pen. Kakashi steals it from her.
‘’Stawp.’’ Sakura grabs for the pen, missing by a mile, ‘’I gotta… I gotta name him Naruto the second. ‘S significant. Not depressing. No… no frowny Sasuke.’’
Not even trying to hide his chuckle, Kakashi shakes his head, an signs a name onto the form. He calls the child Minato.
Surprisingly, by the time everybody is in the room again and Sakura is not quite as delirious anymore, they actually decide to keep the name.
Sakura and Sasuke give birth to another child while mourning the first. The pain means it’s real, which is something they need to know more than anything right now. Quietly, Sasuke thanks Sarada for her last gift to them- to always know reality by their grief. And no matter how hard it gets, that has to count for something.
That evening, they watch Minato gurgle in his bed, dark peach fuzz already on his head. Leaning into Sasuke, Sakura sighs happily. A couple of tears escape her eyes. ‘’For all Tsukuyomi did, I can’t regret that it led us to creating him. That it gave us a chance to know Sarada.’’
Sasuke nods. ‘’There…’’ his words are soft, vulnerable, ‘’There’s been something I wanted to tell you. The curse of hatred,'' he hesitates, second-guessing himself for a split second, ''Or as my clan called it: the curse of love. We love with our entire being, Sakura. Tsukuyomi must have been a dream, because I would not leave those I love unless I believed they were happier for it.''
''So you better not leave, you stupid man,'' Sakura smiles through her tears, ''Because you make everything better just by holding my hand.''
And over the cradle of their second child- because Sarada will always be the first, no matter what the world might say- Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke fall in love. For real, this time.