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[ Jonathan, may I speak with you? ]
[ If you aren't busy, that is. ]
[ I need not disturb your work, I can always wait to talk to you later this evening. ]
[ Or tomorrow. At breakfast. ]
[ Whatever works best, you know. ]
[ I could use a break, I suppose. I'll be out shortly. ]
[ Ah! NO!]
[ No, I- I mean ]
[ Would you mind if we spoke this way, for now? ]
[ Otherwise ]
[ Otherwise I may lose my nerve. ]
[ ... Go on. ]
[ Well, I don't quite know how to explain myself. Or where to begin. ]
[ "‘Begin at the beginning,’ the King said gravely, ‘and go on till you come to the end: then stop.’" springs to mind, though it seems rather obvious. We've been friends for so long now, and I know I can trust you. Of course I can. Yet, I don't know how you'll judge me once I say it. ]
[ Jervis, I can assure you, I won't be judging. ]
[ Yes. Right. No stalling. Like a plaster, yes? Quite right. ]
[ Jonathan.... I gave in and spoke to Alice. ]
[ Ah. I see. ]
[ And how did that go? ]
[ I was an absolute buffoon. A complete nervous wreck! ]
[ I don't know WHAT I was thinking-- for clearly I wasn't. ]
[ Completely stumbling over myself. ]
[ It just sort of HAPPENED, Jonathan. I saw she had hurt herself-- or I assumed she had hurt herself. ]
[ And like some sort of White Knight, I rushed in with my concern. ]
[ Then I realized I had to TALK with her. ]
[ Follow through. ]
[ And then ]
[ ... Oh Jonathan, I felt like my old self again. ]
[ No, wait, I should explain. ]
[ Not... Not 'the person capable of kidnapping' me, not 'smitten' me. The 'me of before' that used to go about life unsure of himself. Thinking every word would lead to my horrible demise. ]
[ .... Perhaps it would be better if I showed you what transpired? Should I do that, Jonathan? ]
[ If you wish to share. ]
[ You didn't hurt yourself when you slipped, correct? Nothing broken or bruised? ]
[ .... It dawns on me this is not the proper way to begin any conversation. Lest of all... THIS particular one. ]
[ Hello, Mrs. Reynolds. How d'ye do? ]
[ OH! Uh ]
[ Hello, Mr. Tetch. I am doing well, thank you. ]
[ I didn't actually slip, just nearly. I appreciate the concern though, haha.. ]
[ So, yeah! No bruises. I'm all in one piece! ]
[ Well, that's wonderful to hear. I must admit, my concern did prompt me into sending word-perhaps without much forethought on how that would seem out of the blue. ]
[ So I apologise with how that may have come across. ]
[ Oh no, no! I'm not sure what else it would come across as but you being worried about my well being. ]
[ No need to apologize for that. ]
[ I was surprised, for sure, though. I didn't think you'd be talking to me this soon, or ever for that matter. ]
[ Admittedly, Mrs. Reynolds... My plan originally was to never speak to you again, and allow you to live the happiest life you possibly could. ]
[ .... Not that the latter has changed, mind you. ]
[ I would still very much wish for that to happen. ]
[ Oh dear lord, I could have worded that far better. That practically sounds like a threat! ]
[ I had MEANT ]
[ That, until recently, I didn't wish to speak to you. Partly for your own good, but admittedly... I wasn't keen to the notion of you being cross with me. Not that you don't have any right to be! Dear heavens, of course you do! ]
[ Just... Well, I saw that you once made mention of having seen a particularly.... troubled dream I had many months ago. ]
[ And while you disagree about how my mind conjured up your personage-- casting you as a villain of sorts-- know that was not the case. It was merely my mind echoing my own fears. ]
[ Yet... perhaps I'm afraid you may say them, still. ]
[ Ah, well.. ]
[ I'm not sure exactly how I feel. I wasn't angry in the beginning, after the whole..thing, had just happened. ]
[ It was all just very hard to process at the time, I think. ]
[ Many things were difficult to process then, yes. ]
[ Yet, you said that was THEN. How... do you feel now, Mrs. Reynolds? ]
[ I... it's hard to say. At least in a way that feels like I can fully express it like this. ]
[ It's just hard to write emotions in text, you know? Or read for that matter. ]
[ Or believe them. ]
[ If you express trouble believing them... Then what would you get out of inquiring ANYTHING from me?]
[Wait, that wasn't meant as ill will. That was meant to express concern. ]
[ For you. ]
[ For myself. ]
[ If you can't feel as though you can find what I say trustworthy... will my answers TRULY matter? ]
[ You've come here chasing rabbits, your curiosity finding you here, perhaps? But what GOOD will you find at the end of the rabbit hole, Alice? ]
[ I was actually thinking more about you believing ME, Jervis. ]
[ ! ]
[ ME? ]
[ Why... why wouldn't *I* believe YOU? You've done nothing wrong to ME. At least, not that you actively participated in. Not that you could be BLAMED for. ]
[ I... ]
[ You worry that I won't believe what you have to say? ]
[ Not unless you can actually see on my face that I'm being sincere, at least. ]
[ Looking at what you've written on your blog in the past.. You're not very nice to yourself, Jervis. ]
[ ... No. I suppose I am not. ]
[ Then is that what you wish from me? For us to speak face to face? ]
[ If that is what you believe may HELP you... ]
[ I... ]
[ I can try. ]
[ I can't say for certain that my apprehension wouldn't get the better of me. That I won't turn tail, our meeting becoming brisk. ]
[ But I am willing to try. ]
[ We don't have to decide anything right now. ]
[ You only now managed to talk to me here, I understand if you need time to, um, recharge? ]
[ I think that's the word my therapist used. ]
[ I need to think over what exactly to say anyway, haha. ]
[ Yes, of course. ]
[ Nothing needs to be concrete. ]
[ Set in stone. ]
[ Time... time would be most suitable, I should think, yes. ]
[ Well, in the meantime I hope you'll have a good day. ]
[ And I know I said before that you owe me this but ]
[ Thank you, Jervis. ]
[ ... You're welcome, Alice. And... pleasant dreams. ]
[ So you're thinking of meeting with her in person? Are you sure that's wise? ]
[ If you're certain that is what you want, I won't stand in your way. ]
[ Jonathan. The only thing I AM certain of, is the fact that this conversation proved to me-- if nothing else-- how much I DO need to follow this through. ]
[ Did you not read how I was? WHO I was, right in front of her? ]
[ You specialize in fear, my dear. Wouldn't you say this has practically crippled me? Absorbing my confidence, leaving me with nightmares-- being haunted by my past. ]
[ Isn't that the best way to manage: to fight that which ails them? ]
[ To meet one's demons, face to face? ]
[ How can I... How can I move on, if I'm left like this? ]
[ How can I ALLOW myself to venture into calmer seas, when the tide pulls me back in-- causing me to spiral? ]
[ Seeing you so adamant in facing your fears is encouraging, at least. Closure may be possible, but DO be careful. Don't go alone, and keep am eye out for authorities. ]
[ If it assures you.... Ms. Kyle has volunteered to be of assistance. To escort me, if need be. ]
[ A good choice. ]
[ .... ]
[ Jonathan? You aren't upset with me, are you? ]
[ I have no reason to be. You're a grown man capable of making his own decisions. ]
[ If this is really what you think you need to do, I trust your judgement. ]
[Thank you. ]
[ I believe I needed to hear you say that. ]