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Hey everyone. It's been a long time and I have a few things I want to address.
In all honesty, as much as I love the universe I've created. my relationship to k-pop has drastically shifted over these years and I am not the same kind of fan I was in 2017 when I first wrote and posted this. In fact, I don't even like k-pop all that much anymore and I don't even keep up with comebacks, nor follow any groups on their socials, anymore.
For the last 6 years, being a k-pop fan has been a truly hellish experience as a Black fan. Unless you are Black like me, you will never understand the heartbreak and exhaustion of thinking you finally found an artist who respects your humanity and the art that your culture created - the art that is making them famous - and these same groups then go on to reveal that they do not respect nor even think of Black people as humans with real experiences, feelings, and emotions. I would never trade be Black for anything, I would be a Black woman in every lifetime, but it is so exhausting to be reminded that no one else sees my personhood and in spaces were I should be able to forget my real-world issues, even just for a moment, I can't even do that because anti-Black sentiment is everywhere.
Every single week, some idol is revealed to be racist in some shape or form and it's gotten so bad that I can't even enjoy being a casual listener because so many groups - even ones that have shown that they really were ignorant and have grown from it - are racist and I genuinely cannot take it anymore. I am so beyond tired of being disrespected by an industry that doesn't even had the longevity nor the range to even begin to compare to the Black American artists that paved the way from them. And the cherry on top of it all is the extremely racist fans that permeate the space in a way that I have never witnessed even back in 2015 when I started getting into kpop. Being a Black American is to be a constant victim of DARVO and it has completely ruined my ability to write the way I want to. How crazy is it that I have been writing since 2015, I have seen my mutuals get bullied out of writing by entitled commenters but it was racism that finally made me tap out? Like I would love to say it's because I'm 24 instead of 13 and that's why my relationship is different, but no, it's the racism.
So the good news is that this story, as it is, isn't going anywhere but the bad news is I'm not moving forward with it either. I'm going to keep this story exactly as is and perhaps, if I'm feeling it, I will go back and make edits to clean up the writing, but either way, I'm not making this a priority anymore. I am tired - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually - of having my personhood questioned, denied or both in the k-pop space. The stories that I am going forth with posting will not be k-pop related because I genuinely cannot find any enjoyment in it due to the racism I continue to keep witnessing.
I wish y'all all the best and I hope you'll continue to support my future works.
-KaeConstellations