Work Text:
Steve is 52 when Anthony Edward Stark is born. He’s known for years what exactly the baby’s name will be, who Howard Stark’s wife will be, Howard’s involvement with Tony’s life, the whole shebang. Peggy knows who Steve is; why he doesn’t age as fast as a 52 year old man should. He’s got some gray hairs and he barely looks 40 on a good day but no one really questions it. Howard definitely doesn’t question it, even as he spends years looking for the man that crashed his plane all those years ago. Steve wishes he could get Howard to stop being so obsessed but as long as Steve crashes that plane, Howard will keep looking for him no matter the reality Steve finds himself in. He wonders for a moment if Howard has a crush of sorts, maybe one that is never realized as the time period would never allow him to. Maybe that’s why Howard ends up so hard on Tony if he ever shows an interest in other men: he doesn’t want his son to deal with the internal struggles of homosexuality in a world that shuns it. He goes about it in a really bad way, mostly through neglect, but that’s a story for many years later.
Right now, Steve is 52, doesn’t look a day over 40, and sits in the hospital waiting room on May 29th, in 1970 when Anthony Edward Stark is born. See, in this reality, Steve ends up being close friends with Howard Stark. Howard and Peggy had founded SHIELD together and Steve, an agent himself as he couldn’t not help the world be a better place if he left his old reality for this one, grew closer to the man in turn. The three would spend hours at the Stark residence talking over treaties and conversing in legalese, developing the strong pillars of an organization that Steve knows will be overrun by undercover HYDRA agents. He still doesn’t know if he should do something about it as HYDRA is the only reason why Bucky still lives but is also the reason why Howard and Maria Stark don’t. Steve can’t go back in time here, time travel hasn’t been invented yet because the inventor, Tony Stark, has only been in the world for at most two minutes.
The point is that Howard and Steve are close so he invites Steve to wait with him at the hospital while Maria goes into labor. Howard is stressed as hell, fidgeting in his seat and constantly questioning if he’s gonna be a good father. Steve wants to say no because he knows Tony Stark and how damaged that man is thanks to his father but that was in Steve’s old reality where he was also a shitty friend in turn so he doesn’t have the right to berate Howard before he can even begin to be a shitty father. Plus, Steve is here now to help keep Howard on the right track when it comes to being a dad. He’s here to make not only to live the reality he never got when he crashed into the ice but to make Tony Stark’s reality good too. Give Tony a reality he also never got to live and will never even live with his daughter as he sacrificed his life to keep the universe safe.
Steve is staring into his cup of murky hospital coffee with the cold hard bench under him numbing his ass. Peggy rests half asleep on his shoulder and for a moment Steve wishes he could have brought a Starkphone along to the past or something to distract himself as he waits. There’s been moments where he hoped for something in 2023 that doesn’t exist now, craves food that hasn’t been invented yet or music that hasn’t been created yet. He has that list Natasha made him still, the things he should experience in the 21st century. He’s going through some of them as they appear for the first time in this timeline and he’s thankful for her sacrifice to allow him to relieve a different reality for himself.
In turn, Steve created a different list, a list of things in the 20th century that faded away over time but were things he never got to experience when he crashed into the ice. Marrying Peggy was the first part of that list and as she helped him adjust to living in the 20th century, she helped him add to the list as well. He told her in his reality she married a soldier Steve saved years ago and had kids and died a hero. She told him in this reality she gets to marry Steve and found SHIELD while preparing for Captain America’s return. Steve is often tempted to tell her and SHIELD as a whole where exactly his body lies but he knows it’s not yet the time for Captain America to join the universe. The Avengers need Captain America but right now the 1970’s need Steve because Tony needs Steve.
Tony, I’m gonna need you to focus—
No, I needed you, as in past tense. That trumps what you need. It’s too late, buddy. Sorry. I said we’d lose. You said, “we’ll do that together too.” Guess what, Cap? We lost, and you weren’t there. But that’s what we do, right? Our best work after the fact?
Steve clenches his fist and the sharp action accidentally wakes up Peggy. He sends her a silent apology when she gives him a concerned glance but she doesn’t fall back asleep as she grabs his coffee drenched hand. “It’s going to be okay,” she says softly, warm and sweet and everything Steve could have asked for. “The baby and Maria will be fine.”
“I know,” replies Steve with a hollowness in his chest. “I’m just nervous around babies.” No, not just babies. Only Tony. “We’re family friends but I still feel like it’s wrong for me to be here.”
Peggy pulls on Steve’s arm until he looks over at her. Her face is firm and determined when she speaks. “You’re not supposed to be here at all and you know it but you are here and you’re friends with Howard for a reason now. Maybe it’s to make amends with his son. You knew his son in your reality, right?”
Steve stiffens. “In a way.”
The woman leans in closer, a soft huff of breath on Steve’s ear. “Were you his boyfriend?”
“Oh, no,” Steve blurts out, red splashing against his cheeks as he pulls away from the accusation. “No, no; we weren’t like that. I just—,”
I was barely a friend but when he needed me most I tossed him aside and he died never knowing that I cared about him as much as I do.
Peggy doesn’t question him anymore and Steve’s grateful. She’s kind and understanding when he has trouble adjusting and coming to terms with the loses he faced in his old reality. He doesn’t deserve her and she knows it but they can make things work and help the world be a better place before the Infinity Stones come into play.
Howard comes in then, a sweaty mess but the brightest smile on his face that breaks Steve’s heart into glass shards of sorrow. He can’t imagine how this man turns out to be the most damaging force in Tony’s young life, but he pushes that aside to congratulate his friend. “Maria wants you guys to meet him since you two are the godparents after all.”
Panic stills Steve’s legs and he turns to Peggy with a mixture of shock and fright. The reality of the situation burns through his mind and he can’t move, not with his own mind at least. He’s moving, following Peggy and Howard down the halls to the hospital room, but his mind is still left behind on that metal bench that numbed his ass. Steve Rogers is about to meet a baby Tony Stark. This is real. This is happening. The man who saves the universe 52 years later, who doesn’t even know all of the amazing things he’s going to do in his adulthood, will be right before Steve in the most innocent manner he could ever be in.
Steve stands by the door and waves Peggy in so he can have a moment to himself to catch his breath before seeing Tony. He did not expect to be so paralyzed and panicked about the situation but it’s still so mind boggling to be seeing his fellow Avenger like this. It’s like he’s intruding in on a life he shouldn’t touch but like Peggy said, since he remet her he’s not supposed to be here so why does this matter? Perhaps this is just to make amends with Tony.
The blonde gathers his nerves and walks into the room with a smile and shy hands stuffed in his pockets. Maria is holding a swathed bundle of baby and Steve can’t see the baby’s face but he can already feel his heart clenching in his chest at the idea that the little bundle of joy that lights up Maria’s face like nothing Steve’s seen before, is Tony Stark. Two versions of Tony bounce around in Steve’s head as he makes his way to Peggy’s side: the snarky arrogant Iron Man who Steve never treated properly, and the newborn innocent baby Steve doesn’t deserve to know. He wants to fall to his knees and cry, pray maybe for this second chance at being better for Tony than he ever was while they were Avengers. He wishes Tony was still alive so he can rush back to 2023 and tell Tony that Steve was there, Steve is where Tony needed him when Howard wasn’t, but Steve can’t do that. Even if he travels to 2023 somehow, his Tony will always be dead and will never know or be able to make amends with Steve in the end.
Steve’s chest hurts and tears fill his eyes as he watches Maria bend her head down to kiss her baby boy. Howard is glowing beside her, looking down at his little family with a loving smile and absolute ecstasy. Maria’s brown eyes look up and over at Steve and she sends him a loopy grin. He smiles back, still off toward the wall, and she makes a motion for him to come closer. “Would you like to hold him? His name is Anthony.”
I know; he never lets anyone forget it, Steve thinks, but he only stands in silence and watches Maria peel the blankets from around the baby so Steve can see him better. Peggy steps forward with a coo and is by Howard’s side in an instant to take the baby from Maria. Steve gulps and look over at Howard, who is still staring down at Maria with so much love in his eyes. Peggy coddles the baby, eyes hooded with adoration as she gentle rocks her arms. Steve is scared he might crush Tony with his super strength and he wants to back himself up into a wall and disappear.
“Steve, darling, come meet Anthony,” his wife calls, breaking him through the haze of fear that threatened to consume his thoughts like the lighthouse lamp on a stormy day at sea. He walks to her slowly but surely, reminding himself repeatedly that this is just a baby. It’s a baby, so what it happens to be the baby version of a man who changed his life forever with just a simple glance and oh god, maybe Peggy was right but not about being Tony’s boyfriend. Just that it could have been a desire of Steve’s if he even bothered to consider it.
C’mon buddy; wake up!
Steve holds out his arms for the baby and stills when Peggy passes him over. Her eyes are warm and understanding as she watches Steve, brushing a hand against his bicep once he’s got the bundle in his arms. There’s a moment in time when the world seems to stop and every part of the universe comes in line to celebrate that moment no matter what. Steve thinks the moment Tony opens his big chocolate brown eyes and stares up at Steve with awe in his gaze is one of those moments.
That’s my man.
And then Steve starts crying, silent tears spilling down his face and he reaches out a hand to touch Tony’s nose, to feel Tony’s skin, to have Tony alive again after almost 30 years of not having Tony in his life. And Tony reaches out a tiny hand to clamp small fingers around Steve’s index finger as if reconnecting and claiming Steve, letting Steve into his life again after all. It’s just a baby, but it’s not just a baby, it’s Tony Stark, it’s Iron Man, it’s the savior of the universe, the one real hero. Steve feels like buckling under the weight of knowing what the future holds for the 8 pound baby in his arms.
Tony starts crying too and Steve passes him back wordlessly to Maria and then leaves the room to deal with his emotional breakdown on his own. He slumps against the wall and presses the heels of his palms to his face with a low growl. Peggy, this kind sweet woman who Steve swept out of his reality to create a new one with, rushes after him and he feels wholly stupid and selfish and greedy in all the worst ways. He wants Peggy, he wants Bucky, he wants Tony, he wants Natasha, he misses all his friends and his previous life and he just wants to find Tony and hug him and apologize for all the shit he’s said and all the signs he’s missed and god, his chest hurts so bad.
“Steve,” she starts with a firm hand on his shoulder. Peggy is the only person to ground him, to keep him in this reality when his mind starts traveling elsewhere. She’s always been his anchor and for that he’s grateful and honored that she loves him so much to deal with the baggage that comes with time travel. “He’s here now.”
Steve nods and pulls his hands away with a gasp, trying a little harder now to get his emotions together and not lose his cool again. He wipes at his face and takes a few deep breaths to gather his composure. Peggy keeps talking as her hand rubs at his shoulder. “You loved him, didn’t you? It’s okay if you did; I loved another man in that life, too.”
“I didn’t, I didn’t,” he tries to start but the words can’t come. He feels empty and void inside like baby Tony’s gaze sucked the life out of him and now he can never get it back. “I didn’t know.”
Peggy hugs him and presses a kiss to his temple. “Sometimes we don’t know until it’s gone. Or until we’re faced with the newborn version of our affections in the case of others.” He snorts and turns in her arms. “In any case, you have the chance to be here for him again and that’s what matters. I’m here with you, Steve, I know what you’re dealing with. It’s okay.”
Steve leans into her hold and smiles to himself. “Thank you, Peggy. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what? A lost love? I lost you too and was able to move on. You’ve come back to give us both the future we couldn’t have. What is there to apologize about?” her voice soothes the unknown pains coursing through Steve’s veins. “You have a second chance with him as you do with me; don’t waste it.”
“It’s not weird, is it? Only realizing now what I didn’t before,” he stares at his hands and can’t stop thinking about Tony’s tiny hand clinging onto his finger. “Realizing those emotions 30 years after the fact when I’m with you and bemoaning the past. God, Peggy, it’s been so long.”
Peggy laughs. “I’m just excited to watch Tony grow up because if he’s this awesome to put you in tears when you hold him, he’s someone very special and I can’t wait to love him, too.”
“You’ll love him a lot. So much.” I only wish I told him, too. “Let’s get back to the happy parents, yeah?”
Neither Howard nor Maria question Steve’s reaction to holding Tony, though they already know Steve is sterile but they don’t know it’s thanks to the super soldier serum. Steve hasn’t ever really wanted to have children, mostly because he was young and frankly much too busy as Captain America in the 40’s and the 21st century to consider raising a family, but he’s glad he can have multiple opportunities with Tony now. Maria falls asleep and passes the baby holding delegations to Steve as Howard returns to the lab for an emergency. Steve sits on a chair and watches the little baby in his arms with a softness in his chest. Peggy’s asleep on his shoulder again but he brushes calluses fingers over Tony’s face and ponders how such a tiny fragile baby can be the man he loved so much.
“You’re gonna grow up and be so amazing, Tony,” he whispers through the beeps of machines tied to Maria and the incubator Tony has been in and out of over the past few hours. Steve doesn’t want to let him go. “Thank you for giving me this chance to show you.”
It takes Steve three months to visit the Stark’s again, having been sent on a private mission out of the country for a SHIELD project. He’s literally just gotten off the plane at SHIELD HQ before he’s asking his driver to take him to the Stark residence. Maria sits on the porch in a rocking chair with the baby cradled in one arm and a book in her unoccupied hand. Steve suddenly feels very awkward showing up unannounced and he’s halfway through the thought of turning around and forgetting he even came to visit but Maria looks up and grins so widely he can’t complete the thought.
“Steven! You’re back earlier than I expected.” She smiles even more and waves for him to come over. He walks onto the porch like a drone, blue eyes trained on the baby in her arms. She notices and giggles to herself, which snaps the agent out of his revere. “How was the mission?”
“Long,” he sighs and rubs the back of his neck, “but it succeeded if you can’t tell from me being here.”
“I’m glad you’re here.” Maria places her book down. “It’s been a long three months without you. Howard took the time off to go around searching for Captain America again. I swear that man will drive himself into the ground if he keeps this up.”
Steve nods quietly. “We’ll find the captain at some point, I know we will.”
“Your enthusiasm is refreshing, Steven. I appreciate it.” Maria then motions to her baby. “Do you want to hold him?”
“Ah,” panics Steve as he notices Tony’s asleep in her arms. He’s sucking on a pacifier as he rests, little fingers curled against his chest. His brown curls are carefully parted on his head and for a moment, Steve has to remember this baby doesn’t hate him yet. Won’t hate him ever if he can do anything about it. “If you don’t mind, I wouldn’t mind holding him.”
“Oh, Mr. Carter, if I minded I wouldn’t have asked.”
Maria passes her son along and those big brown eyes open at the sudden movement and consequential heat transfer. Steve is mesmerized again, taking a careful finger to Tony’s nose. The baby sucks on his pacifier as he watches Steve, staring into the blonde’s soul like he’s ready to rip his heart out his chest and make Steve confess all his feelings. I’m sorry, is all Steve thinks as he brushes his fingers over the baby’s face. He still can’t grasp the fact that this child is Tony Stark. He wishes he could tell the entire universe to love Tony tenfold because without him they wouldn’t exist.
“He likes you,” starts Maria with a gentle hum. Steve looks up from his gentle caresses and blushes.
“Oh, I just…” He trails off and turns back into those pooling brown eyes. How can a baby bring out this much emotion from him? “I can tell he’s gonna be an amazing guy one day. I wanna make sure he knows that as much as possible.”
Maria cocks her head. “You’ve always been saying these strangely coded phrases since Howard and I met you all those years ago. Usually, I’m a little suspicious but today,” she stares at her baby boy in Steve’s arms, “no, not today but every day since he’s been born, I find that I want to hear you tell me that Anthony will grow up and be as great as his father. When it comes from you, I feel more comforted about—,” her eyes dart toward the house and Steve stiffens. The woman shakes her head as if clearing away thoughts and then smiles warmly. “It doesn’t matter. My point is that you give me hope and comfort about the future of my son.”
Steve wants to tell her everything. He wants to tell her about Howard’s obsession, about their murder, about how her baby gets trapped in a vicious cycle of self-indulgent alcoholism fueled by neglect and isolation. He wants to tell her that Tony gets betrayed by everyone he ever loves, Steve included, but saves the world for the family he can never be with again. He wants to spend hours detailing his reality but he keeps his words to himself. It doesn’t do Maria any good to know what the future could be, especially when things are so different now.
Instead of detailing his own past future, Steve passes Tony back to Maria. “He’s a Stark so he’s gonna be amazing.”
She laughs and that’s enough of a comfort for Steve to bite his tongue and go another day without blabbing about a world he can’t return to. Maria invites him inside for iced tea and biscuits and they sit at the kitchen table with Tony sleeping again in Maria’s arms, chatting on about the past three months while Steve was away. Steve’s heart hurts with the little things Maria shares with him about her son. Tony’s a crier; he’s a hungry baby, too, and he loves attention from Howard whenever the man isn’t too busy working on his new energy source technology.
Tony is also very intelligent which doesn’t surprise Steve. The boy will build his first motherboard in three years and god, Steve wants to be there to see it. He wants to be there for every monumental step in Tony’s life and protect him from all harm. He wants to do good by Tony while he can for as long as he can.
Another five months pass before Steve and Peggy greet the Starks again. SHIELD is working on more field agent projects and Steve finds himself out the country again with Peggy this time. They actually meet the Starks while in Italy: Peggy and Steve are between missions while the Starks are here for an energy conference. Maria asks Steve and Peggy if they would care to babysit and Peggy says yes before Steve can even open his mouth to reply. Jarvis, which makes Steve sad because the AI named after the butler died in his old reality, leaves with the Stark parents so it’s only Peggy and Steve in the hotel for the day.
Steve feels like avoiding Tony today but the kid can crawl and seems to find interest in Steve’s existence. It’s too much to handle, seeing those cute chubby thighs and arms work hard to travel the floor to Steve’s feet. He always plops down on his behind and stares up at Steve as if expecting the blonde to pick him up. It doesn’t matter that Steve does always pick the baby up—which makes Tony babble happily, but the point is that Steve is trying not to interact too much because he’s already so goddamn attached to Tony and baby Tony is another level he can’t contend with.
On the upside though, Peggy always laughs when she sees Steve pacing down the hall bouncing the giddy baby as he spins a random fairy tale. It’s loosely based on reality but he makes things vague enough to not tip Peggy off to the details about Steve’s old life. Tony gurgles happily against Steve’s shoulder and seems oddly pleased with the stories anyway so Steve accepts falling for the little boy more and more as the hours pass.
He’s sitting on the bed feeding Tony and watching the baby greedily suck at the bottle nipple when Peggy asks him to tell her stories about his Tony. Steve squeezes the bottle so hard he almost snaps the plastic in hand. His hands shake as he chuckles nervously. “I don’t have much to say.”
“Sure you do,” she plops down on the bed with him and places her head on his shoulder. “You loved him for a reason. Tell me about it.”
Steve’s head hurts. “He, uh,” The baby in his arms smacks his lips happily and then burps before giggling and babbling about whatever his neurons are processing about the moment. Steve pats his head and his gut clutches when Tony curls into the touch. “He hated me when we first met. We were, uh, battling this villain who had this powerful weapon that kinda elevated your anger when touching it, hell, even by being near it. I said some mean things, he said some mean things, and even though we fought together against the greater good that day, those mean things still left wounds in both our chests. I meant what I said, he meant what he said, and that truth stung a lot.”
Steve cradles the baby closer and leans down to kiss the child’s head. “I eventually learned why he disliked me so much but I can only hope me being here for him now can help him be a happier person.”
Tony makes grabby hands and Steve places the child on his lap to run his fingers over Tony’s face, which makes the baby giggle happily. Tony reaches for Steve’s fingers and pulls one into his mouth to suck. Steve lets him and sighs lovingly to himself. “This baby isn’t even mine but I love him like he’s my own blood.”
“Family isn’t confined to blood,” replies Peggy as she rubs his back gently and leans over his shoulder to watch Tony, too. “You know what his first word was?”
Steve shouldn’t be surprised Tony’s already speaking coherently in some manner eight months in, but he still raises his eyebrows as he gives Peggy a questioning look. She grins and kisses his forehead to smooth the creases there. “It was while we were first abroad; Maria paged you but you were out on the field so I answered. You can guess what it was.”
“Dada?”
Peggy shakes her head. “He said Stebe, the little bugger. Stebe.” The woman rubs a thumb over Tony’s face and grins. “He loves you, too, darling. Misses you more than he can express when we’re gone. You’re making him a happier person for sure.”
Steve’s head hurts more now; he’s only met Tony three times but the baby is already so attached. He doesn’t believe in destiny, maybe fate on a good day, but in that moment Steve wonders if no matter where he goes, if there’s a Tony, there’s a Steve supporting him every step of the way.
Later, when it’s late and Tony’s napping on Steve’s chest and Peggy and Steve lay in bed cuddling with watching the television on, Steve thinks about how lucky he is at this moment. He’s got the love of his life in his arms, the most intelligent baby on his chest, and only a few more years before he can try to save Bucky from HYDRA’s ploys. It’s a good life here and he strokes Peggy’s hair and finds himself satisfied with staying in the past. Tony shifts on his chest and those brown eyes slowly blink open until the baby clambers up Steve’s chest until he’s able to place his hands all over Steve’s face.
“Stebe,” He burbles happily, grabbing at the man’s skin like a toy. Steve wants to cry. “Stebe!”
“Yeah, kiddo, I’m Steve.” he pulls Tony’s hands from his face and curls him up in his arms with Peggy. Tony yawns and is already half asleep when Peggy pulls the baby closer.
They’re all asleep cuddled in the end when Maria and Howard return and while Steve does wish the parents had woken him and Peggy up as soon as they got in, he’s also grateful they didn’t because now he has a beautiful picture of himself, Peggy, and Tony sleeping that he can frame on the wall in his office. He looks up at the photo on the long days he spends tracking the Winter Soldier, on the tiring days he spends in meetings watching HYDRA re-emerge in the shadows and his conflict of interests threatens to spill into reality, on the desperate days where he wishes he never came back and he was foolish and selfish for never returning.
That wall ends up being his Tony wall over the years. At Tony’s first birthday, he gifts him a circuit board and Tony spends half the party either chewing on it or taking it apart to put back together and Maria catches a photo of Steve watching Tony with this little lost look of love and awe. During the summer, the Starks go to Malibu and when Steve ends up in Los Angeles for a meeting with some SHIELD agents, he visits the young family and ends up spending half his day at the beach making sand castles with Tony. Maria snaps a photo of Tony throwing sand in Steve’s face with a wide toothy smile and bright golden brown eyes.
Cell phones aren’t really a ubiquitous thing yet, but the Starks have their ways and “Uncle” Steve gets in on it, too. He’s on the phone with Tony, who is still mostly babbling but does have some coherent English words and an odd sense of language to the nonsensical babbling, for the first time. Steve is practically grinning at Tony’s excited talking and Peggy teases him about his overexcitement. A few weeks later, Steve gets a package in the mail and it’s photos of Tony talking on the phone to Steve with this silly little sparkle in his eyes that warms Steve’s heart like nothing else. He puts up the picture of Tony asleep at the receiver on his wall and always finds his eyes darting to that photo in particular after a long trying day dealing with red tape and bureaucracy.
When Tony turns two, Howard isn’t at the celebration. He’s across the country working at some conference, getting investors to fund his flying car plans and his research on the Tesseract for alternative energy sources. Tony is making complete sentences now and can read basically whatever the hell Steve puts in front of him. Steve gifts him Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations, Alfred Einstein’s book on relativity, and the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Tony is over the moon about the Einstein book and wants to spend the entire day parsing the theories but his mom takes the presents away so he can focus on hanging out with Aunt Peggy and Uncle Steve.
While Peggy is teaching Tony some cool math tricks, Maria pulls Steve aside with a harrowing look. “Two nights ago, Anthony snuck into Howard’s workshop.” she starts with a wavering voice. Steve’s gut clenches with anticipation he doesn’t outwardly show. “It was the first time I’ve ever heard Howard so angry. I didn’t know he could be that upset at our son, our little boy who only wants to satiate his growing curiosity.”
Steve looks over at Tony, who is trying to convey something about electrons to Peggy, before giving Maria a gentle caring look. “I’m sorry Howard’s been on edge recently. I’m sure he doesn’t really mean it, he’s just busy.”
“I wish it was just that he’s busy,” her voice is rough like she might start crying. Steve rubs her arm with worry. “I feel like I’m losing him, like he can’t bother with having a family anymore now that his research is looking to be more profitable.”
“You won’t lose him.”
“I wish I could believe you,” whispers the woman as she turns to look up at Steve with the most haunted and frightened look on her face. “I wish I could believe things will be okay but Anthony is only 2 and he’s so smart and ready to see the world but Howard is going to scare him out of loving life.”
Steve pulls her into a hug. “I’ll be here for your son, you know I will. I’m not Howard and I won’t ever replace him as being a dad but I’m gonna make sure your son knows the joys of living.”
“Uncle Steve!” calls Tony from down the way and Steve leaves Maria with a gentle squeeze before making his way to the kid. “Aunt Peggy was telling me about how there’s something called quantum physics.”
Steve’s heart clenches so hard he has to gasp for breath as he stumbles on his feet. Peggy shoots him a worried glance and Tony, ever so perceptive, steps over to Steve with worry in his gaze. Steve catches himself and pats the kid’s head to appease him. “That’s super awesome, Tony,” he says quietly but Tony’s resounding smile makes him wanna scream from the top of his lungs about how incredible this young boy is. He reaches down to pick Tony up and the boy giggles and wraps his arms around Steve’s neck. “Have I told you happy birthday yet?”
“Yes, a lot of times.”
“You sound annoyed by that,” he teases and laughs when Tony quickly shakes his head.
“No, no; I like it when you tell me happy birthday. I wish you could tell me every day!”
“Eventually the novelty will wear out, buddy, so it’s a good thing birthdays are only once a year.” He turns his head to press a kiss to Tony’s temple. “Happy birthday, Tony.”
“Happy birthday, Uncle Steve.”
Maria takes a photo and Steve frames it on his desk next to a photo of him and Peggy at their wedding.
Over the next year and a half, Steve visits the Starks as much as he can but with the young family moving to Malibu and Steve and Peggy still situated in Brooklyn, he can’t visit as much as he wants to. Tony calls at least once a month in the first year or so to give updates on life, but then Maria gets sick, so sick she can’t get up out of bed for weeks, so going into the next year, the calls turn to weekly events. Howard hires maids and butlers to take care of Tony and essentially bars the kid from being able to see his mom while she’s ill. Tony cries over the phone and the sound of the gentle sobs and his shaky vulnerable voice makes Steve want to drop all responsibilities and take care of the young boy until Maria feels better.
Steve does make it out to Malibu during the winter. Maria is still sick and Howard is upstate with her in a San Francisco hospital so Tony’s left alone with Jarvis and a few maids. The blonde is shocked at how large the mansion is and a little miffed at how Howard just left his kid alone in this giant place and didn’t bother to take Tony with him. Steve finds the child in the kitchen taking apart the landline phone and when Tony spots Steve, he starts crying on the spot and runs into the man’s legs with a choked back sob.
“Mommy’s sick and Dad’s gone and Jarvis said I can’t go in the lab but I want to,” starts Tony between little sobs and Steve picks him up and hoists the toddler on his hip. “And you’re not here and Aunt Peggy hasn’t come over in months and I miss you.”
Steve kisses the top of Tony’s head. “I’m sorry we can’t visit as often. I wish we still lived together in the same city.”
“Move out here! Come live with us; there’s a bunch of empty rooms no one uses anyway.” Tony places his head on Steve’s shoulder. “I feel lonely here.”
“You’re not alone.” Steve states firmly and he turns Tony’s head so he can look the kid in the eyes and prove that he’s not gonna let Tony suffer. “I have some vacation time stored up going into your fourth birthday. If you’d like, Aunt Peggy and I can come out here for a month.”
“Really?” Tony gasps and the awe and surprise in the child’s voice, the shock that someone would take a month of their life to move across the country and spend time with Tony, makes Steve’s heart constrict. “You would do that for me?”
“You’ll find there’s little I wouldn’t do for you, Tones.”
Tony grins and wraps his arms around Steve’s neck as he sniffles. “You’re the best, Steve.”
“Only the best for the best,” he replies and Tony’s grip tightens as if letting go might mean Steve leaves forever. “Do you want to show me around the place? I wouldn’t mind getting a tour around the Stark mansion from the best tour guide I know.”
During the tour, Tony holds onto Steve’s hand, his tiny fingers grasping two of Steve’s own as he drags him through the halls. Steve is barely paying attention to the actual building, too busy watching Tony’s face as he describes rooms and hallways with varying emotions. He’s still a kid so he can’t hide the disgust or subtle fear in his voice when he talks about Howard’s labs in the basement. Steve feels like having a very long chat with Howard the next time they greet each other. In the meantime, he follows Tony along and simply finds joy in watching the moments when Tony’s eyes do lightup and his brain moves faster than his tongue and he stumbles over his words as he tries to tell Steve everything he can about the art room his mother has.
“She paints and sometimes she lets me sit and listen to music while she’s working and I love when she accidentally gets paint on her face because then I get to point it out and she gets really happy and then puts paint on my nose.” The toddler pokes at his own nose and then runs into the room. “Do you draw, Steve? Or do you play piano? I’m learning Spanish from one of my tutors. Hola, como estas ? That means ‘hello, how are you doing’. I hope you’re doing well, Steve.”
“I’m always great when I get to see my favorite boy,” he smiles to himself when Tony cheers about being Steve’s favorite boy. “But as for your other questions, I do draw.”
Tony gasps. “Draw for me, Steve!”
“Your mom probably wouldn’t want me using her materials without her permission though.”
“She hasn’t been in here for a while since getting sick,” brown eyes pool with tears, “so I don’t know if she would even care.”
Steve clears his throat and walks to an easel. “I’ll draw one picture for you and then we’ll go out and get some lunch since it’s a nice day outside.” He pauses. “Is it? I better Google it, I guess.”
“Google?” questions Tony and Steve stumbles over his words.
“Uh, it’s a word for looking things up. Researching and stuff.”
“Google…” Tony rubs at his chin. “That’s a silly word. It sounds made up.”
“All words are made up words.”
The brunette gives Steve a look but then sits down by the easel and turns his big brown eyes onto puppy mode. “Can you draw me, Steve? I wanna see what you make when you see me.”
Steve has never cried so much until baby Tony entered his life. He doesn’t cry now, but it’s a close enough thing. If he closes his eyes, he can still remember his Tony’s face, his emotional eyes and long eyelashes, the wrinkles at his eyes and mouth when he smiled, the bitter anger in his voice when he created Ultron with Bruce to save the world, the humor in his comments when he was checking out Steve’s ass when they went back to 2012 and lost the Tesseract. It’s been three decades but Steve can remember it all as if it was yesterday. For everyone in 2023, it has really only been a few seconds and for a moment, Steve’s tempted to go back and tell everyone how amazing the past was with Tony at his side and tell Tony how cute of a kid he is and how much Steve loves him.
Then it hits him, how Tony took the brunt of the full force of six Infinity Stones to save the universe and all that’s left of Tony’s legacy is Stark Industries, Pepper, and their kid Morgan Stark. His eyes start to burn and he coughs into his fist to hide the rapid turn of emotions.
“What if I draw what I think you’ll look like when you’re older? Like when you’re 40.”
“Ew,” cries the child with a pout, “40 is so old, that’s like ancient! I probably look all wrinkly and gross like I’m gonna die in the next 3 minutes.”
Steve can’t help himself when he laughs. “Hey, I’m 55, kiddo. What does that make me if 30 is ancient?”
“You’re Triassic, maybe Jurassic, but over 50 is pushing it.”
The blonde shakes his head while grabbing a pencil. “You’re lucky I love you, Tony.”
There’s a moment of silence that lasts too long for it to be a natural silence so Steve turns from the easel to spot Tony half a second from crying. Steve drops the pencil and falls to his knees to cup the kid’s face, worry filling his eyes as he watches fat crocodile tears trail their way down chubby cheeks. Tony’s face scrunches up to cry and Steve pulls him into his chest to hold him as the child’s emotions boil over. “Tony,” murmurs Steve into disheveled brown locks as he rubs the young boy’s back, “You know I really care about you, right? It’s not luck because I’m always gonna care for you.”
“I thought I was in trouble,” Tony gasps between gut-wrenching sobs and Steve almost sees red. “When I make Dad upset he says I’m lucky to be loved. I thought I made you angry. I don’t want to make you angry.”
God, Howard, what the hell? “You can never make me angry and you certainly didn’t just now.” He pulls Tony away so he can wipe off the tears as he stares into those watery brown eyes. “I’m so old, Tony, so old and ancient. More than you could ever know. Life is too long to be angry at something as menial as jokes about age, little man.”
Tony nods but his bottom lip still quivers. “I’m sorry that I cried.”
“You don’t ever have to apologize for your tears.”
“Dad says Stark men are made of iron. We don’t cry at baby things.”
Steve chokes on air and thinks back to all the punches he pulled at Tony’s character now that he knows the other meaning of Iron Man . The suit of armor wasn’t merely to protect his body, but to protect his heart, his mind, his existence. The world was his existence too but most of all Tony was shaped to be fearful of emotions and shut people out. “You are made of iron, Tony. You’re Iron Man whether you cry, scream, shout, sob, or whatever else.”
“I’m Iron Man?”
“Yeah. You are Iron Man. The one and only Iron Man.” Steve straightens Tony’s rambunctious curls and kisses his forehead which the toddler grumbles about to Steve’s delight. “You’re gonna save the world one day.”
“Like Captain America?”
“With Captain America.”
Tony shakes his head with a pout. “Captain America is dead even though Dad keeps going on about him. Plus, Captain America is super strong and has big muscles and a good heart and pure intentions. I’m three and three-quarters and I have nothing super about me. I cry when I’m not supposed to. That’s not a superhero.”
“Well, you’re my superhero, Tones. My Iron Man, and I’m not gonna let you forget it.”
Tony gives Steve a watery smile and then squirms his way out of the blonde’s arms. “Aren’t you gonna draw me during the Cretaceous period?”
It takes a few hours, hours spent with Tony babbling on and on about the languages he’s learning and the new motherboard he’s trying to build to replace the first one he made months back, but Steve manages to get a good portrait of the Tony he remembers when the Avengers fought Loki. The Tony he saw and disliked from early on, too bitter about everything yet nothing at all. The Tony with brown hair and only a few facial scars from all his battles. The Tony with youth in his eyes and snark on his tongue to protect people from his fragile heart. The Tony who refurbished his personal Stark Tower into the Avengers home base despite originally not wanting to be a part of the team. Steve’s heart aches and he wishes he could go in time and stop Tony from using the gauntlet but he can’t now and can’t ever.
3-year-old Tony though loves the drawing and says Steve has a really active imagination if he thinks the kid will look that good in the future. Steve laughs and ruffles Tony’s hair with a smile before taking him out for ice cream and a stroll at the local park.
Steve does come back with Peggy around Tony’s fourth birthday just as he promised they would. Maria, who is better healed but still sick, invites them to stay over and in the first week, Steve barely sees Howard or Tony, who has been off with Jarvis traveling the country looking at boarding school for when he starts up in the next year. Tony is already famous thanks to being a Stark, but his status as a child genius also has the world clambering to meet him and private schools are betting on being the one to get the famous Tony Stark at their school for the next few years.
In the meantime, Steve draws for Maria since she’s too sick to go around taking pictures or drawing things herself. Steve paints from his memories. He paints the purple and blue glow of space from when he traveled through the galaxy for the first time over thirty years ago. He paints the Washington Monument in DC as he and Sam jogged through the district together racing each other through the green lit park. He paints the cold desolate snow above the bunker he fought Tony in all those years ago. Maria loves all the paintings, trailing her fingers across the paintbrush strokes as if she can feel the emotion put into every detail.
“The hues you use,” she starts after staring at a painting of Thanos’ paradise planet, “makes these landscapes look so surreal. Almost as if it’s from a different lifetime ago.”
Steve smiles but it’s stiff and hurt. “It certainly feels like it.”
Her eyes glaze over and she turns to Steve with a cock of her head. “You’re not from here, are you? As in, this world maybe. This time in space. I hear your whispers, the talk about things that don’t exist here. The Google, the Amazon, the iPhone. Certain songs that you hum under your breath that I know are not songs anyone has written yet.”
“Maria,” he starts carefully but she waves a passing hand and then coughs from the effort.
“I won’t tell anyone if it’s true. I’ve only just had suspicions as you don’t age as fast as me and Howard do. You don’t get sick like Peggy and I do.”
“I’m not from another world, just from a different reality.” He rubs at the back of his neck and sighs. “I’m from the future but I got a chance to come back to the past and I didn’t want to waste it.”
“Are you happy here?”
Steve opens his mouth to reply but Tony runs into the room laughing and giggling about something no one can really tell. He clings onto Steve’s legs and starts going on about some of the schools he saw with Jarvis. Steve completely forgets that Maria is in the room as he picks Tony up and sits him on his lap as the child keeps chattering with excitement. He tidies Tony’s hair and a low rumble for the beginnings of laughter starts in his chest at Tony’s wild gesticulations. It’s after Tony leaves to get dressed in lounge clothes that Steve remembers Maria’s question and he turns to her with pink cheeks and something that isn’t an apology but probably should be on his lips.
The sickly woman shakes her head and her eyes crinkle with a smile. “You’re happy here because of Anthony.”
“Yes.”
“He makes it worth staying here in the past.”
“Absolutely.”
“What is he like in the future? Is he happy? Does he grow up well?”
Steve looks down at his shaking hands and feels a heavy weight press against his chest. “He’s happy.”
“Do you miss the future?”
“Every day.” Blue eyes turn to Maria. “I miss so many things there I never thought I could miss. I sometimes wish I could go back, but I can’t. And then I see Peggy and Tony and I know that this now is where I belong. My time in the future was great while it lasted but I was always out of my time there.”
It takes a moment but then Maria gasps. “You’re actually Steve Rogers.”
“Steven Carter isn’t wrong either,” he laughs with a shrug, “but yes, that’s me.”
The woman laughs hoarsely and closes her eyes. “I feel so delirious, Steven.”
“So do I.”
They both chuckle and then Maria slips into sleep as Tony bounds into the room. Steve lets himself get pulled out the bedroom and carried away by Tony with words and phrases of a fantastical time he wishes Steve could have enjoyed with him. They spend the day watching movies and eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches and Peggy joins in during Planet of the Apes and the two of them spend the entire movie chatting about how unrealistic the plot of the movie is, at least for the time period it’s set in. Steve watches them with a wide grin and is once again satisfied about staying in the past and living this life he never had.
On Tony’s birthday, Howard comes back early that morning and sets up the living room with Jarvis. The two are chatting between themselves, Howard wrapping presents and Jarvis arranging them on the center table. Steve watches them from the doorway, a large scale painting he’s been working on in hand, but he knows Howard knows he’s there. He shimmies up to the two men in silence and sits down on the couch, placing the canvas at his side in the resultative silence. Howard speaks up first.
“Thank you for being here,” he smiles awkwardly but the sentiment is there.
Steve smiles back. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” He motions to the painting. “I drew him a portrait for his birthday; if you wanna hang it up I have some tools to put it up too.”
“That’s great,” Howard tapes another present and then leans back on the couch. “Anthony talks a lot about you. He likes you.”
“I should hope so.” Steve eyes Jarvis and then sits up a little straighter. “Look Howard, I don’t want to tell you how to parent your own kid but—,”
Howard waves a passing hand and cuts of Steve before he can rip the man a new one. “I know I haven’t been here much and when I am, I’m super focused on my personal studies. I know this and I’m trying to be better for Anthony but the world out there needs me.”
“And your son needs you. The world can wait but Tony can’t.”
“You know,” the mustached man begins as he gives Steve a glance, “you’re the only one who calls Anthony ‘Tony’. Did he ask for you to call him that?”
“No,” I don’t know him as anyone else but Tony. “I just like nicknames. I used to call one of my old friends Bucky even though his name was James.”
“Mmm,” hums Howard before turning back to the presents. “I’m curious as to why you’re so invested in our family though. You have Peggy and SHIELD to attend to after all.”
“I consider Tony family. I think Maria would agree.” Steve places a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “I just want you to be more conscious of how your actions rub off on Tony. He’s smart as hell but still a young impressionable kid who just wants to make his dad happy.”
Howard doesn’t reply but he softens under Steve’s touch and the conversation melts into weapons development and marketing. He knows Stark Industries focuses on tech development with a sector dedicated to weapon development, but it’s still startling to hear the conversation. He’s a man of war himself but the profiteering side of the battle isn’t one he’s ever really given himself time to process. Now that he can, he can understand how easy it was for Tony to be so flippant about existence. How he could turn a blind eye when the life molded around him forced his future to be the way it was.
Tony wakes up a couple hours later and the family in full—Maria is wheeled out of her sick room for the special occasion—sings happy birthday for the now four-year-old child. He’s over the moon about the new personal computer Howard’s got for him and the key code to a personal lab for him to set up later in the day. Maria gets him some books and a stack of comic books and even though Tony had claimed earlier in the week that comics are stupid and irrelevant to the real world, his eyes shine like diamonds at the fat stack of illustrated issues before him. When he gets to Steve’s present, Tony’s eyes go so wide Steve is worried the young kid will pop his eyes out his skull in the process. Tony presses gentle hands to the canvas and looks up at the blonde with awe written in his gaze.
The portrait is probably very meta in it’s existence but Steve finds he can’t really bother to care. If he messes up Tony’s fate in the next few years by saving Bucky, he wants to at least give the kid a taste of the superhero he was meant to be after diverting the tragic origins of his Iron Man persona by saving his parents. The painting is Iron Man in his red and gold armor soaring through the sky with repulsors at full blast. He’s turning around, palms pointed out toward an enemy not seen in the photo. He’s got one knee bent up like he’s pushing off the air itself, manipulating space around him to fly like a beacon of hope. The eye sockets in the armor glow orange like the Soul Stone, his armor shines yellow and red like the Mind and Reality Stones, the arc reactor glows blue like the Space Stone, and the streaks of energy left behind by his blast swirl in shades of time-warping green and power-centric purple. The nebulaic patterns space creates float in the background behind the sparkling images dead stars leave behind.
Tony presses a tiny palm to the glowing arc reactor. “Who is this?”
“It’s a hero,” Steve pats Tony’s head. “A hero who loved the world three thousand when the world loved him not even one percent of that.”
“That’s depressing.”
Steve laughs. “It’s okay because the universe as a whole learned to love him the rest of the 99 percent.”
“The universe.” Tony points at a few of the stars in the painting’s background. “What is the hero’s name?”
“He went by many things but honestly, it’s up to you to figure that out. This is just a fictional painting after all.” Steve doesn’t miss Maria’s knowing look and he smiles to himself but hides it behind Tony’s hair. Technically, Iron Man is a fictional character in this reality because Iron Man doesn’t exist yet. “I made it because I want to show you another glance at the world. That’s what art is for, right?”
Tony nods and then turns to give Steve a big hug. “Thank you; I love it!” He copies the hand repulsor pose in the painting and Steve’s heart gives out in one big fell swoop. He makes gun sound effects with his mouth and sprints around the couches and chairs shooting at nothing. Peggy squeezes Steve’s hand and the blonde merely watches the child enjoy his imaginary armor.
Cake and cookies come next but Tony gets overly excited and sugar high off the treats, which makes for a fun game of tag in the backyard. Steve isn’t as young and spry as he used to be and can barely keep up with Tony before the kid is bowling him over and giggling about being able to shove Steve off his feet. Steve can’t be mad about it when Tony looks so happy and carefree. He selfishly hopes that when he can save Bucky, he saves Howard and Maria and Tony never has to be captured and tortured into creating Iron Man.
The day ends in the lab with Howard setting up the personal computer. Tony is half asleep in Steve’s arms, mumbling about some multivariable calculus vector problem he was parcing earlier in the day. Howard decides to send Steve off to put Tony to bed after the long exhilarating day. Steve spots the Iron Man armor painting on the wall above Tony’s bed and smiles to himself at the sight. He wishes he could tell Tony all about himself from the future, and maybe one day when Tony is old enough to know the truth, Steve will tell him, but that’s not for many years and doesn’t concern him at the moment.
The blonde folds the blankets over the sleepy warm body and brushes stray brown locks from the gentle soft skinned face. Tony’s eyes flicker open and he sleepily smiles up at Steve. “Are you gonna miss me when I go to boarding school?”
“Of course, Tones. That’s an easily answerable question.” He pinches the kid’s cheek and chuckles when Tony lazily bats his hand away. “I’ll send you lots of postcards when I can though.”
Tony hums happily as if that little notion satisfies him enough to close his eyes and usher in the night. “Steve,” he yawns, nuzzling up against the other’s hand, “you’re my bestest friend. I love you.”
Steve’s veins burn from the inside out, simmering with emotions he can’t describe or analyze at the moment. His vision blurs and it’s a mixture of tears and confusion, elation, shock, content, sorrow. The emotions wash over him until he’s drowning and the only air he has is more emotions that choke him with the strings of altered realities and memories of a life he left. He thinks about 2023 Tony’s banter over the years, thinks about how he ignored so much to the point where Tony had to sacrifice himself for the universe to live on. And maybe in that reality Steve and Tony were never meant to be close friends, only colleagues with miles of festering tension and betrayals that could never be fixed without apologies and more time than they had on their hands. A relationship layered with unrequited love that isn’t unrequited in the end but manifests itself in a final act of trust and empathy. Maybe in that reality, it’s Steve’s purpose to realize he needs to come back and try again, try to save Tony from his isolated childhood and save Bucky from being the HYDRA agent to kill Maria and Howard.
Love is a curious thing and it pops up in different ways for different people across different stages in life. Meeting Tony in his 40’s leads Steve to a romance that never comes to full fruition while meeting Tony at birth leads to a familial love that he can only hope carries Tony through the rough patches in his life. In some other alternate reality, maybe Steve goes back in time but doesn’t marry Peggy and instead immediately finds Bucky and saves him from HYDRA’s hands. Maybe he goes back in time to the early 2000’s and attends a party where he finds Tony and kisses him into a corner until he wakes up in a bed sweaty and sticky with Tony draped over him kissing his shoulders. There are all these what if and maybe scenarios that filter through Steve’s brain at Tony’s “I love you” but it only hurts him more when he realizes that in his original reality, he never got to hear those words from Tony or say them back.
But, as he pets four-year-old Tony’s hair as the kid falls into a deep slumber, Steve remembers in the chaos of Loki’s failed invasion when the Tesseract was stolen by said invader and the possibility of the time heist plan going south became more real, that Steve and Tony did say “I love you” even though it was never those three words explicitly. He realizes that the words never had to be said because in the very end, their actions circumvented any words that could be said.
For now though, Steve has Tony again and can tell him how much he loves the kid all day every day without a single worry. He smiles warmly at Tony and then looks up at the Iron Man painting with knowing eyes. He can’t wait to see who Tony will end up being in this reality because no matter what, Tony Stark and Iron Man is inevitable. Steve’s just a lucky guy who gets to love him along the way.
Love you, too, Tony.