Chapter Text
Bim hummed to himself in his room, seated at his desk and skimming a piece of notebook paper filled with messy, scribbled handwriting. Marvin the Magnificent, having kept in touch after the Christmas party the egos had hosted, had given him a list of relatively easy spells to try out in order to test the waters with his aura, to see what he could handle.
His eyes lit up when he reached the relative bottom of the page, spotting a pretty long, complicated-looking spell written in what appeared to be Latin along with some instructions on how to work his aura. What really caught his eye was the short description next to it – all of the spells had one, though most were not this brief: ‘Transforms shit’.
“Ooh!” Bim’s face split in an eager smile. “Vague and complicated! Perfect place to start off!”
He set the paper down and pushed away from his desk, rolling his chair across the room and spinning to face his dresser. “Okay, what to choose, what to choose…in other words, what don’t I give a shit about anymore…” He scanned the random items he’d amassed on his dresser, eventually selecting an old mug he never took back to the kitchen (Dark was going to kill him if he found out), a ceramic figurine of a unicorn (where did he even get that?!), and an old snow globe he never remembered buying but have had for years.
Wheeling back to his desk, he set the mug down first, setting the other objects to the side for now, and picked back up the piece of paper. Squinting at it, he followed the instructions to the letter, able to feel his aura wisp around him though it was still far too weak to manifest. When he glanced back at the mug however, it was no different, still sitting innocently on his desk. “Wait, what the Hell?” Bim read the spell over again, confirming that he did everything right. “Okay hold up.” He tried again, but the result was the same. His brow furrowed, and he moved on to the figurine. Again nothing happened. He tried with the snow globe. Nothing. He tried all three at once. Nothing.
Letting out a frustrated groan, he thumped his forehead against the desk. “Fucking leave it to Marvin to give me a broken spell! Great.” Sighing, he pushed away from his desk once more, standing up with slumped posture. He could feel his aura twitching around him; he’d overworked it, leaving him exhausted. Stretching, he grabbed the mug and made his way to the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand.
However, he never made it to the kitchen. The second he walked into the living area, he dropped the mug in surprise, mouth falling open in surprise. “Oh fuck.”
The living area was a mad house. A variety of animals were in varying stages of distress scattered about the room, ranging from cats to a fucking beaver. He fisted his hands in his hair when he spotted the sleek black cat sitting on the coffee table with an air of regal grace, staring at him with narrowed, black eyes and a red and blue outline surrounding it. “Oh no no no no no, no, please don’t tell me…” He swallowed harshly, taking a hesitant step forward and dropping his hands. “…Dark…?”
The cat’s tail twitched, flicking its – his – ear and tilting his head.
“Oh shit!” Bim’s hands shot back to his hair as he scanned the room: including Dark, there were four cats, five dogs of varying size and breeds, a beautiful red squirrel (obviously King), a snake, a hedgehog, and a fucking beaver. A beige cat with vacant sockets that could only be the Host was losing his shit on the couch, hissing with his back arched and fur fluffed out, tail lashing wildly and whipping his head every which way, ears twitching nonstop. Bim couldn’t tell if the red streaks running down his face were fur designs or blood. Another cat, this one white with a grey patch on his forehead, curled up close to the Host, pressing himself against his side and purring loudly. Peggy, the only actual animal in the room, came out of nowhere, climbing up the couch to press against the Host’s other side, the two gradually calming him down.
Bim drew a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly. “Alright, everyone calm down. I-I’ll fix this. But first, let me do a headcount so I know who and what everyone is. Dark, I know you.” The black cat’s tail flicked. “Wilford?” A huge golden retriever raised his head from where he was trying to reach Dark on the coffee table, staring at Bim with the same mad glint Wilford always had. Bim snorted at the sight of the dog, considering he was also bright fucking pink. “Okay, that’s obvious. Uh, Eric?”
A little Yorkshire terrier puppy, no bigger than Peggy was, yipped at him from the floor, and Bim’s heart promptly melted. “Oh my God. Can I pick you up?” The terrier appeared to nod his head, and Bim scooped him up in his hands. “Oh my God Eric you are literally the cutest Goddamn thing I have ever seen. You fit in my palm! Hold on.” He held open his suit’s breast pocket, the one typically used for handkerchiefs, and tucked Eric inside so his head and front paws poked out. “That okay?” Eric yipped again, and Bim continued on.
“Okay, King, you’re easy. You’re also very pretty!” King chattered at him, climbing up his leg to perch on his shoulder. “Up next would be…Ed?” The snake slithered to face him in an obvious glare, hissing at him. Bim cringed back. “Fuck, alright then. Bing?” A large husky with bright yellow-orange eyes raised his head from where he’d been antagonizing a light grey cat with white patches and neon blue eyes. “And you must be Google. Hold up, are you two still robots?” Bing let out a surprisingly loud bark, sitting at Bim’s feet while Google continued to simply glare. Bim ruffled through Bing’s fur, extremely soft, but then his fingers hit the weird silicone feel of Bing and Google’s synthetic skin and he drew back. “That answers that question. Weird. You guys aren’t gonna fry or anything, right?” Google appeared to shrug as best as a cat could, still staring with his piercing blue eyes.
Bim cleared his throat. “Host?” The Host swiveled his head in Bim’s general direction, fur still standing on end, claws still digging into the couch and still crouched in a defensive position, but was significantly calmer than earlier with the two other cats sandwiching him between them. “Dr. Iplier?” The white cat next to the Host turned to stare at him briefly before turning back to the Host, rubbing his cheek along the blind ego’s, smearing his own fur with red. Blood it was, then.
“Silver?” The hedgehog, previously curled into a tight, defensive ball on one of the recliners, unfurled, twitching his nose and glancing at Bim before curling back up. Bim sighed. “Oh dear, alright, Jims?” The two retriever puppies who had been spending the entire time chasing each other in a wide, playful circle came skidding to a halt at Bim’s feet, shoving Bing out of the way and yapping happily both at each other and him, panting with what could only be described as wide smiles. “Okay, lastly, Reynolds?” At last the fucking beaver looked up, fidgeting with his hands – paws? Whatever – and slapping his tail against the floor.
Bim backed away slowly, raising his hands placatingly. “Okay, alright…okay. I’m just…I’m gonna make a call, and we should be good. I’ll fix this, I promise. Okay? Okay…” He pretty much bolted back to his room, nearly sending King flying off his shoulder, and scrambled for his phone, pressing the contact and tapping his foot impatiently as it rang. Eric whimpered softly in his pocket, and unconsciously Bim raised his other hand to pet his head, soothing him.
" Hello?”
“Marvin I fucked up.” Bim began to pace, running his head through his hair. He was on the border of hysterics, he could tell. “You need to get over here. Now, preferably.”
“What – Bim, I can’t just drop everything! What did you do?”
“I was messing with the list of spells you gave me and somehow I turned every single other ego in this house into an animal! Please come over here and help me fix it!”
There was dead silence on the other end of the line. Bim almost though Marvin had hung up, and then he spoke: “I’ll be there in five minutes.”
“Oh thank God! See you then!” Bim hung up, then raced back the living area. “Hey – what the fuck?! Ed, get away from Silver, Goddammit, you’re gonna freak him out!” Bim lifted the writhing snake away from the trembling hedgehog, draping him around his neck as King relocated to the top of his head. “I swear, if you bite me, Ed, just remember that your head is a lot smaller and a lot weaker than my foot in this form.” Ed simply hissed, wrapping around his arm slightly for more support. Bim sighed. “Okay, to clarify; you guys still have your normal human brain and thoughts in there, you’re just…stuck.” Every animal he could currently see nodded, minus Peggy of course. He rubbed at his eyes, groaning loudly. “Oh fuck me, I am so sorry! This was not intentional, but help is coming okay! You’ll be back to normal soon…I hope.”
Bing butted his head against his hand and unconsciously Bim scratched at it, running his hand down his fur. Bing practically melted, collapsing to the floor and rolling onto his back, making a weird, happy, rumbling noise, tongue lolling out of his mouth. Google rolled his eyes, curling into a ball and covering his nose with his tail while Bim’s face split in an amused grin. “Wow. You…really liked that. You’re fucking weird, Bing.”
Bing rolled back onto his stomach, letting out that ‘boof’ noise big dogs do, and then suddenly both Jims were attacking him, climbing all over him and butting him playfully. Bing was all too eager to join in their game, immediately crouching down with his tail wagging and nipping at the two puppies playfully. Bim laughed at their antics, watching them roughhouse and run all over the living area. At least, until Bing’s bigger body threatened to knock over an end table, the vase Bim was positive was older than the manor itself perched on it rocking slightly. Instantly both Wilford’s and Dark’s attention snapped to them, Dark’s back arching and a low, warning growl vibrating in his throat. Wilford wandered over, taking ahold of one of the Jims’ scruffs in his mouth and promptly depositing him on the nearest loveseat, repeating the process with the other one. Bing whined, clearly put out, and bent down to the floor, hiding his eyes with his paws.
It was then that the doorbell rang, and everyone froze. Bim shook his head, taking off in a sprint toward the door and practically slamming it open to reveal Marvin standing there, hands shoved in his pockets. “Oh thank God! Get in here, quick!”
He grabbed the collar of the Septic’s shirt and pulled him inside. “Whoa! Calm down, Bim! I get it, you’re freaked, but I doubt there’s a rush!”
Bim glared at him, reaching up one hand to stroke Eric’s head, more to soothe himself than the young ego. “You haven’t had a furious Darkiplier glaring at you for God knows how long.”
“Fair enough.” Marvin crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. “So who’s that in your pocket there?”
Bim smiled, looking down at the Yorkie. “Eric.”
“The snake?”
“Ed.”
Marvin huffed, glancing up. “And I can assume the squirrel sitting on your head is King.”
“You would be correct. Come on. Everyone else is in here.”
“Lead the way.”