Work Text:
The clock reads 3:50 a.m.
Jimin switches on the kitchen light and squints as his eyes adjust to the brightness. Okay, he tells himself, time to get started.
He retrieves Yoongi's old, worn cook-book and flips too the Chocolate Marble cake page. One by one, Jimin place the ingredients on the counter. Eggs, butter, caster sugar, chocolate.....
There's a stone, making its way down his throat. He can see the couch from the kitchen and it looks so inviting, so comforting; if only he could lie down for a minute.
Step 1
No. He shakes himself and empties the butter and sugar into a bowl and mixes them until the dull yellow is all he can see; the couch no longer on his mind. Add four eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition, the recipe reads. Jimin cracks open an egg and some bits of the shell promptly fall into the mixture. It's okay, he pacifies himself through the rising panic, it's okay, you can fish them out.
As he adds the last egg, he looks at the clock that says 4:22 in bright red digits. He's not even halfway through and his hand hurts from beating the mixture and his shoulders are stiff and he's just so goddam-
Jimin closes his eyes. What had Hobi said? Deep breaths. He can do this. It's Jungkook's birthday. He can do this for him.
Fold through 225gm self raising flour, 3 tbsp milk and 1 tsp vanilla extract until the mixture is smooth.
It takes all his strength to mix the flour and he's panting audibly soon enough. Okay, okay, you can take a break. Don't pass out in the kitchen, don't pass out.
If only he wasn't so weak, Jimin bitterly thinks, resting his back against the counter. And whose fault is the three year long on and off eating disorder? His mind treacherously inquires. Yours.
Mine, he agrees. But Jungkook shouldn't suffer for his faults.
(He tries not to think about the nights he's spent sobbing on Jungkook's chest, neither of them sleeping, the nights he's spent screaming at everyone, anyone, who tried to help, the nights Jungkook has spent begging him not to starve himself because 'Jiminie please, please, please')
(Jungkook shouldn't suffer any more because of his faults.)
Once he feels well enough to stand, Jimin adds the vanilla extract and divides the mixture between two bowls. He switches on the oven to pre-heat it.
"What are you doing?" Namjoon's voice is thick with sleep.
"Uhhh making a cake for Jungkookie's birthday."
"Jimin it's- " Namjoon flips around to check the clock, "4:54 a.m. You should be sleeping."
"It's his birthday, hyung. I can't not do anything." Jimin says.
"You could rest, as the doctors have told you. You could not sacrifice on your sleep. Jungkook loves you-"
"I know that," Jimin tries to fight back tears, "Do you think I don't know that?? Why else would he stick with me even when I've given him absolutely no reason to. All I do make attempts at getting better even though I know they're useless. I mean, it's not like I was sleeping peacefully, it's not like I would've had a good rest if I hadn't been doing this. What's one more night of bad sleep? Atleast this time, Jungkook gets to be happy."
The oven beeps and Jimin turns around to switch it off.
"I'm sorry." Namjoon says in a small voice.
"Not your fault."
"I..Is that Yoongi hyung's cook-book?"
Despite himself, Jimin smiles."Yeah." He says. "Don't tell him I took it."
"Sure. Do you want some help?"
Yes, his brain screams. Jimin looks at the batter in front of him. It's almost done, he's almost made it through.
"I'll be fine." He tells him.
Namjoon stares at him for a moment before giving him a precious dimpled smile. "I can't wait to taste it Jiminie."
Jimin adds cocoa powder to one bowl as Namjoon goes back to his room.
By the time he uses a skewer to create the 'marbled' effect, it's 5:10. If Jin-hyung was making this cake, Jimin thinks as he puts the cake tin the oven, he would've prepared the batter within half an hour.
The recipe says the cake needs forty five minutes to cook. Jimin knows he should clean up but the exhaution creeping up on his bones is too much at the moment. So he sits down on the floor and waits for the cake to get ready, flipping through the cook-book.
Yoongi has had the cook-book forever. It was one of the things he bought with himself when they started living in their first dorm. He takes it out on rare occasions and if Jimin wasn't extremely observant, he would've never noticed where it's kept. He's territorial about his things, Yoongi. Even more so about his friends.
Jimin looks at the cake, looking golden from the oven light and wonders if he'll be able to eat it without vomiting. The book says it's got 468 kilo-calories so he's not too optimistic. It doesn't matter, the cake isn't for him, it's for Jungkook.
Some minutes later, Hobi trudges down the stairs, covering his mouth with his hand to yawn.
"Hey Minnie. Why are you sitting on the kitchen floor?"
Jimin nudges towards the oven and Hobi's eyes widen.
"Woah. You made that for Jungkook?"
Jimin nods. "Yeah, yeah I did."
"He's going to love it." Hobi beams.
"What is that smell?" Jin walks in behind Hobi, "Is someone making-"He looks at the oven, "a cake. Did you do it Jiminie?"
"Yes he did." Hobi nods enthusiastically.
"I'll clean up. Don't worry." Jimin says anxiously.
Jin looks down on him. "Don't sit on the floor. You'll catch a cold." He says, taking two bowls and putting them in the sink. He starts the faucet and Jimin gets up. The flour, butter and sugar go back in their original places. "Jimin stop."
"What?"
"I'll clean up. Go sit at the dining table."
"It's fine, I can do it."
"Jimin-"
"I can do it."
"Okay." Jin looks at him. "Okay." It's like he's telling himself. "You can do it."
They tidy the kitchen and clean the dishes. Jin doesn't say anything when Jimin cleans the spoons but puts his foot down and ushers him away when Jimin says he can clean the bowls as well. "This is not a test of your housekeeping skills." He says. "You've done enough this morning."
By the time the cake is ready, the clock displays 6:00 and Jimin breathes a sigh of relief. It took him two hours and ten minutes to bake a cake.
It's no big deal, baking. But for the first time in a long, long time he's proud of himself.
Yoongi and Taehyung come down at the same time. Taehyung positively lights up when he looks at the cake, enveloping Jimin in a crushing hug. "I'm so fucking proud of you, Chim!" He shakes Jimin.
"No swearing in this house Kim Taehyung." Jin warns as he transfers the cake from the tin onto a plate.
"Tae....Tae-Tae are you crying?" Jimin is surprised when he sees the drops of tears on the corners of Taehyung's eyes.
"I just....can't believe you actually did this." Tae whispers.
"It's not that great." Jimin says, running a hand through his hair. "It's just a cake. And I didn't even make any icing."
"Kookie's going to love it." Tae says firmly. "I'll kill him if he doesn't."
Yoongi takes a look at the cake, an amused smile on his face. "Did you use my cook-book?" He asks.
"I'm sorry." Jimin's face falls. "I'll give it back to you."
"Jimin?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for using my book."
Jimin laughs. He feels lighter somehow, as if all the effort he put into making the cake lifted a weight off his chest.
There's a noise of someone coming down the stairs and Jin hurriedly places the cake on the table, lighting a single candle on top.
Jungkook comes down to a loud cheer. Tae and Hobi are shamelessly whistling at him while Namjoon, Yoongi and Jin settle for loudly congratulating him. Jimin wants to join in but he isn't sure he can do it without crying.
What he really wants, is for Jungkook to know how much Jimin loves him.
"I can't believe you guys made a cake this early. I mean it's six fifteen."
"Not us." Namjoon pipes up. "Jiminie did all of it."
Jungkook's eyes find his and suddenly Jimin can't help but think this was a bad idea. "It's probably not that great." He tries to smile. "I don't think I put enough sugar-"
"You did this?" Jungkook's voice is a whisper.
"Yeah? Don't get mad. I-"
But Jungkook is already picking him up and swinging him around. Jimin presses his face against the crook of Jungkook's neck and for once, everything makes sense. "Happy Birthday." He mumbles into his ear.
When they break apart, Jungkook holds him tight. "It's perfect." He says, looking at the cake.
He blows the candle and cuts the cake, offering everyone.
"I'm dead Park Jimin." Taehyung takes a bite and dramatically collapses into a nearby chair.
Jimin playfully swats his forehead as Hobi thumps his back. "It's great!" He grins.
"That's it." Jin declares. "I am no longer cooking any dessert. Not when we have such talent living right amongst us."
"Do you like it?" Jimin asks Jungkook.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes." Jungkook laces their fingers together. "I love it. It's the best thing anyone has ever made in the entire history of cooking."
"Shut up."
"Do you....do you want to try it?" Jungkook asks slowly.
Jimin looks at the cake. Two and a half hours ago it had been a bunch of ingredients. He made this.
"Some other day." He smiles up at Jungkook.
"Okay." Jungkook nods, pressing their fingers.
"I love you." Jimin says.
"I love you too." Jungkook leans forward to kiss him.
There's a voice in his head, a new one, a softer one; it's saying you did it over and over. It's saying, I'm proud of you.
(It's saying, don't be scared anymore.)