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"Uncle Edgeworth!" the little 10-year-old girl screamed in delight as she bounded into the prosecutor’s personal space, her pink cape fluttering in the direction of her adopted father behind her.
Phoenix Wright -- the man who once tore courtrooms apart with his brash bluffs and loud blue suits shuffled slowly up to his friend? Boyfriend? It was hard to say these days. Then again, their relationship had always been hard to define, so why buck the trend now?
"Hey. Glad you made it in one piece," the former lawyer smiled softly.
"The turbulence wasn't too bad, if that's what you're asking," the prosecutor smiled back as he gave the tightly-latched girl around his waist a small, awkward squeeze in return. Phoenix leaned in for a hug.
"Wright...!"
"Ah, sorry!" Phoenix quickly pulled back. "Not in public, and especially not where other prosecutors might see, right?"
"Precisely."
There was a distinctly unpleasant scent in the air, Edgeworth noted, as the trio made their way to the luggage area -- a scent that needed to be dealt with ASAP. Leaving the other two to wait at the luggage carousel, he headed for the nearest bathroom and pulled out his cell phone. It's not that he wanted to do this in secret, but past experience has taught him exactly how to get what he wanted, and right now, what he wanted was a clean-shaven, grime-free boyfriend.
Opening a chat program, he quickly typed:
[Edgeworth] Would you be free today to help me carry out Operation Bird Bath?
An excited reply popped onscreen within seconds.
[Maya] OMG YES ARE YOU BACK???
[Edgeworth] I'm still at the airport, but yes.
[Maya] OK, pretty sure I can get Pearly to cover the trainee's sessions today
[Edgeworth] Then meet us at home when you can.
[Maya] Will do!
Edgeworth swore he could feel Maya’s giddiness at the thought of skipping training today emanating from the screen.
[Maya] Oh, but I can't stay the night. Got a client in the morning
[Edgeworth] I see. Well, even just a few hours will do.
[Maya] Yup! Let me get going and I'll see you guys later
Slipping his phone back in his pocket, Edgeworth made his way back to the luggage carousel, collected his suitcase and his makeshift family, and drove them home to the Wright Anything Agency.
A few hours later...
"Helloooo! Anyone here?!"
"Maya?!" Phoenix stuck his knit-capped head around the living space door frame in confusion. "What are you doing here?"
"She's here at my request," Edgeworth answered. Phoenix looked back and forth at the two of them and put the pieces together.
"Oh, no, no, no. I'm perfectly fine just the way I am, thank you very much," Phoenix said, pulling his cap further down on his head.
"Really? Because you’re currently in the running with a slice of pizza for ‘Best Leaver of the Biggest Pool of Oil after Sitting in One Spot for Too Long’."
"I'm just trying to do my part to conserve water...?" Phoenix offered, knowing that he'd already lost the battle.
“Come along, Wright. You too, Trucy,” Edgeworth called out to the girl practicing a new Mr. Hat routine in her room.
“Coming, Uncle Edgeworth!”
And that, is how Phoenix, Edgeworth, Trucy, and Maya found themselves in Koreatown for an all-day Korean spa extravaganza.
Operation Bird Bath
A Narumitsu Secret Santa 2018 Family Vacation Comedy in Small, Bite-Sized Scenes
“See you guys later in the jimjilbang area!” Maya said as she and Trucy started towards the women’s area of the spa. Phoenix waved bye to them and the two lawyers made their way to their designated area.
“I hope you still remember how to properly take a bath here, Wright.”
“Hey! Give me a little credit! This isn’t my first time!”
“No, it’s only your second.”
“...I’m actually kinda surprised they let us in again, considering what happened...” Phoenix said sheepishly as he shoved his clothes in the small storage locker the spa had provided.
Edgeworth’s eyes rolled of their own accord at the mortifying memory of an absolutely filthy Phoenix jumping straight into the large communal bathtub. The staff had had to drain and clean the entire basin before it caused any more offense to the spa’s other guests. Edgeworth had spent what felt like hours apologizing profusely to the crowd of angry naked men while a still-dirty Phoenix only made matters worse by trying to help the staff, who only wanted him to go get clean in the shower area.
“Just remember to shower and shave before you go in the big pool.”
“Will do!” Phoenix saluted smartly, and shuffled off in the direction of the washing area.
Edgeworth sighed to himself and finished folding his clothes before carefully storing them in his own locker and going for a shower himself.
A thorough washing later, he caught up with his partner in the large communal tub. Taking a seat next to him, Edgeworth commented, “At least it was easier to get you to come this time than the last.”
“What can I say?” Phoenix gave a small shrug. “I know a lost cause when I see one.”
“Really, now. Because the Phoenix Wright I know usually fights to the bitter end,” Edgeworth smirked back. “Therefore,” he whispered lowly, “I surmise that you’re really just relishing the chance to be the shameless exhibitionist you really are.”
“Ha, ha. Is all the heat and steam getting to you already?” Phoenix’s eyebrows waggled mischievously.
“I was merely making an observation, Wright,” Edgeworth corrected himself.
“Suuure, whatever you say.”
“Look, Wright. I like learning new things about you. Is that so wrong?”
“No, but there isn’t much you don’t know about me by now.”
“Well, I propose that there is at least one new thing I can learn today,” Edgeworth offered with a serious look on his face. Getting out of the tub, he simply said, “Follow me.”
Phoenix gulped. He had a bad feeling about this.
The room Edgeworth led them to contained a single pink vinyl-covered table and little else. There was a large drain in the floor and an industrial-sized sink in the corner, making the room look like some sort of prep room.
“Are you sure we’re allowed in--”
“Hello. Who’s first?” an elderly Korean man Phoenix hadn’t even noticed suddenly asked.
“He is,” Edgeworth offered Phoenix up like a sacrificial lamb.
“Very good.” Addressing Phoenix, “Lie face down on the table, please.”
Phoenix glanced nervously at Edgeworth and did as he was told. Lying there on the slippery slab, he wondered exactly what he'd agreed to. Unfortunately, the answer came all too quickly in the form of two sandpaper-like mitts ripping every layer of skin off his back.
“AAAAAAAAHHHHH! WHAT IS HE DOING TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!?!”
“Exfoliating, what else?”
“Are you sure he isn’t exorcising me from my body?!” Phoenix grunted in agony.
“Nonsense. Though, if you want to put it that way, I suppose you could say he’s exorcising the dead cells from your body.”
“That’s beside the point, EdgewoooOOOOOORTH!!!” Phoenix screamed as clumps of dead skin cells continued to accumulate like over-sized eraser bits on a Scantron sheet.
Edgeworth chuckled darkly to himself. “So, are we enjoying ourselves yet?”
“What does it look li-- Ack! No! Not there!!!”
“So that’s a ‘No’ to pain then, is it?”
Phoenix threw his partner an “are you fucking serous?!” glare before his face scrunched up in agony again. Just when he thought the old man was done, he was ingloriously doused with a bucket of hot water, flipped onto his back, and made to suffer the torture anew.
An hour and a half later, the freshly scrubbed pair, dressed in the light shirts and shorts the spa provided for coed areas, made their way to the jimjilbang sauna area. Peeking into the different saunas one by one, they eventually found the girls in the salt sauna. Trucy was busy performing a simple disappearing coin trick using some of the salt pebbles on the floor but was quick to notice her father’s arrival, unlike her wholly captivated audience of one.
“Daddy! Uncle Edgeworth! How was it?”
“Daddy just went through a very harrowing experience, Sweetie.”
“Huh,” Maya replied as she watched the men join them on the floor. “Speaking of which, did you hear those awful screams earlier? I thought Detective Gumshoe was gonna show up to investigate a murder and we’d have to give testimonies again or something...”
“Ah, that was Wright. It appears he’s rather... sensitive.”
“I wasn’t aware that was a crime, Edgeworth!” Phoenix gave his best faux outrage face.
“Heh. Guess all that work I put into constructing an alibi for me and Trucy is worthless now.”
Phoenix chuckled and shook his head. He wasn’t going to fall for one of Maya’s random tangents today.
“At least I’m silky smooth now! My skin hasn’t been this soft in ages!”
Trucy scooched over and touched her father’s arm. “...You feel the same to me, Daddy.”
“Um, w-well, what did you and Auntie Maya get up to, hm?” Phoenix tripped his way onto a new topic.
Trucy’s face lit up with excitement, ready to give her dad a full rundown of their exciting afternoon.
“We got massages that smelled really nice, and Auntie Maya got a face mask. I got some cucumbers on my eyes, but the lady told me not to eat them, so I didn’t.” Trucy looked dejected for a minute, but then bounced right back. “Oh! And then we got parfaits! They were so big so Auntie Maya had to eat my leftovers, too”
“Sounds like you two had a really expensive adventure,” Phoenix looked pointedly over at the main culprit of the “Fleece Edgeworth” caper.
“You bet! But it was all sooo good. Thanks again, Mr. Edgeworth!” Maya thanked her partner in crime, who acknowledged her appreciation with a small smirk. Of course this was all a part of their deal: help him get Phoenix to go to the spa and he would cover any and all expenses. Sure, it had been a dangerous bargain to strike, but he was willing to pay for Maya Fey’s bottomless stomach and penchant for fun if it meant he could get what he wanted.
“You’re shameless, Maya,” Phoenix chided.
“What? I’m just doing what the '110 Ways to Save Money' guide says to do.”
“Wasn’t it '108' the last time?”
“There are always new ways to save!”
“Uh-huh.”
A silence, sporadically interrupted with the clack-clack of salt pebbles hitting the ground, fell over the room. They were alone in here, Edgeworth though, and for a second, he entertained the idea of shifting his hand just a little to touch Phoenix’s when...
“I’m bored, Daddy. Let’s go to a different sauna.”
Edgeworth mentally smacked himself. What had he been thinking? They were in public!
It was just as well that the mood had been ruined, he supposed.
“Alright, Trucy, which one would you like to go to next?”
“Umm...” The little girl thought about it for a second before declaring, “The one with the round cocoa puffs!”
“The... clay sauna?” Edgeworth struggled to remember which one it was. Trucy obviously had everything memorized. Either that, or she had a favorite room. Regardless, she was clearly a bright child to remember a room they’d only ever visited once before.
“Very well.” Edgeworth stood up and offered the little girl his hand. “Shall we?”
A tour of all the other saunas and a quick final shower (and one last double cheeseburger from the food court for Maya) later, the four of them met up again in the games arcade.
Calling the tiny games corner an “arcade” was a bit misleading, to be honest. There were only a handful of old arcade cabinets and pinball machines lined up against the wall, and in front of them was a lonely-looking crane game. But that didn’t seem to matter to the two adult-children and one actual child feverishly trying to claim their prize from it.
“No, no! You gotta move the claw more to the right!” The adult girl scolded.
“You almost got it!” the little girl cheered on.
“Nghrk! Make up your minds!” The old boy complained.
And then, by some miracle, the claw tipped the Steel Samurai alarm clock just far enough to make it fall into the prize chute.
“YES!” The adult girl pumped her fist in the air as the old boy presented the little girl with the clock.
And Phoenix couldn’t help but wish he had a camera to capture the moment.
An extravagant, full-course dinner and a trip to drop Maya off at the train station later, a sleepy Trucy said good-night to her daddy and Uncle Edgeworth, leaving the two alone on the office sofa to enjoy the early evening.
“I must confess, today was fun, Phoenix.” Edgeworth took a sip of tea from the ridiculously over-sized "I ♡ LA" mug in his hands.
“That’s good,” Phoenix smiled back. “Thanks for picking up the tab. Trucy really seemed to enjoy herself today.”
“It was my pleasure.” Edgeworth reached over to gently squeeze his partner’s hand.
The issue of Phoenix’s finances hung in the air, but neither of them were in the mood to get into a fight about it during the prosecutor’s brief visit. Edgeworth understood that it was a matter of pride for Phoenix to provide for his daughter, but he also knew that they’d have to confront the issue sooner or later at the rate their relationship was progressing.
“I’m glad you and Trucy are getting along, too,” Phoenix continued.
“Well, she is surprisingly easy to get along with. And surprisingly perceptive for a child.”
“Funny you should mention that.”
“Oh?”
“Just goes to show that you’re not the only observant one around here, Miles. She’s even been teaching me a few of her ‘secret tricks’,” Phoenix grinned mysteriously.
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“Let’s just say that I noticed that steaming baths tend to put you in a better mood.”
“For...?” Edgeworth raised an eyebrow raised in suspicion.
“No, not that! Jeez, and you complain about me jumping to conclusions!”
“You must be rubbing off on me.”
“Well, I certainly do plenty of that.”
“Wright...” Edgeworth crossed his arms.
“Hey, hey, relax! I didn’t not shower for 3 days to get you all wound up again.”
Edgeworth visibly blanched. “Urngh. If you wanted to go to the spa that badly, all you had to do was ask.”
Phoenix seemed to consider it for a moment. “Fine, I’ll be up front about it next time if you’ll be, too.”
The usually witty prosecutor had no smart comeback to that. It seemed that his partner had seen right through him.
“Come on, it’s OK to admit you wanna spend time with everyone.”
“I... I suppose it was rather stupid of me to try to hide it.”
“You don’t have to be a mean ol’ prosecutor in front of me, you know.”
“I know, Phoenix. I know.”
Phoenix’s eyes roamed over Edgeworth’s face, taking in the lines of worry on the other man’s brow. He still wasn’t used to this much intimacy, that was for certain, but it was something they could work on.
“Um, now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m afraid jet lag is catching up with me...”
Now there's the Miles Edgeworth he knows, Phoenix thought. But he wasn’t going to get away from him that easily today. Phoenix hadn't been plotting for weeks for things to end on a low note, damn it.
“Are you seriously going to let an entire day of soaking and painful scrubbing go to waste? Don’t tell me I went through all that for nothing?” he pouted.
Edgeworth could only sigh in response, but Phoenix was glad to see the tension disappear from his brow.
“You’re absolutely insufferable, Phoenix, you know that?” Edgeworth said fondly.
“You wouldn’t have me any other way.” Phoenix winked back.
“Indeed.”
Fin: Operation Peacock Thaw