Archive of Our Own

The drone of a lawn mower echoed through the neighborhood on another pass over one of the many perfectly manicured lawns.  Side by side, they stretched out for miles around the curved streets of subdivisions clustered together like flower petals.  It was a common sound for an early summer evening in a place where no one left even a blade of grass more than a quarter inch longer than the last trim.  It was surprising any of them even had anything left considering the constant attention they always received.

The hum was coming from across the street this time and Louis could clearly see Mr. Jacobs pushing the thing back and forth in front of his house from his vantage point on the front porch swing.  The man was in his normal khaki shorts and matching bucket hat that wasn’t serving much of a purpose with the slowly setting sun already casting long shadows from the large trees. It was a costume to go along with the suburban act complete with white socks pulled up much too far and pristine white sneakers that were probably straight out of the box.  None of it was necessary yet the scene continued on loop day after day, year after year.

Louis used to mow that lawn during the summers back when his parents thought he should start learning a bit more about responsibility.  Little did they know that he had spent most of his time inside with the Jacobs’ daughter getting familiar with the human body before any gender– secondary or otherwise– really mattered.  That had been quite the summer with no one around to question why it had take him all morning to get just one lawn done. Louis had always felt quite accomplished at the end of the day with several orgasms under his belt and a handful of cash to top it off.  

Being so familiar with the ground that passed under Mr. Jacobs’ feet made staring across the street even more mind numbing.  He knew the dips of the land and the flaws in the concrete along the edge of the sidewalk and the roots of the oak tree that had grown up out of the soil, shaved off repeatedly by the blades.  His brain filled them in like a virtual reality while he watched the wheels of the push mower move with his thoughts. A few years ago he might have jumped up and offered to help before he’d come to realize how ridiculous the obsessive ritual was.  

It was just like any other summer night, but that was the problem.  Louis was going stir crazy with the routine that never changed. Like clockwork, everything happened like a daily deja vu that slowly chipped away at his soul.  Mother came home from volunteering and made dinner, his younger sister Leah always found an excuse to stay out with friends to avoid being home for prolonged periods of time and father was always working too late to have any real presence at the house.  Splashed in between the spaces left by the rest of his family, there was Louis. School was out for the summer or Louis wouldn’t have even subjected himself to the mess he’d left behind in the fall yet there he was.

The dorms were closed, his new apartment wasn’t available yet, and so Louis was slapped back into suburbia where everything was sunshine and lollipops on the cover while everyone was slowly dying behind closed doors.  Louis almost wished he had a distraction like Mr. Jacobs that would at least keep him occupied for a few minutes from his urge to dig himself a hole to crawl into. It had barely passed the two week mark of summer vacation and Louis was already about to bang his head against the wall just to give himself something to do.  There were only so many times he could pop into the only gas station in town for odds and ends before he started to look weird and he would put on more than a few pounds if he frequented any of the diners or the steakhouse more than he already had.

His girlfriend Maggie was out of town as well.  Off on some family road trip, Louis had declined the invitation to spend an awkward few weeks under the watchful eye of parents who didn’t think much of him anyway.  Louis didn’t think much of them either with their garden full of gazing balls and minimalist house that Louis couldn’t imagine anyone actually living in. He would have mistaken the bedrooms for hotel rooms if he hadn’t walked up the steps from the front door for himself.  Their housekeeper earned their money without a doubt. Maggie wasn’t much of a spark either and he wasn’t even sure why she even thought they were still together or why he slipped up to think of her as his girlfriend.

The boredom he was stewing in had to be even slightly better than weeks of dealing with any of that.  

The boredom was dangerous, though, as Louis was finding out.  The isolation was slowly causing cracks to appear in the walls of his psyche Louis had spent years building up between himself and the person he was expected to be.  He could feel the energy bouncing around the carefully constructed cell and the sandy, gritty dust building up from the crumbled mortar of slow destruction.

His father wasn’t around to reinforce those walls like he had been when Louis was growing up.  The constant conditioning to be the head strong alpha his father believed himself to be had made it easy to tuck everything else deep inside behind the bravado he’d learned to walk around with.  The disappointed glances filled with resentment when his presentation just hadn’t come had locked it all in tight for Louis, determined to at least try to live up to the expectations that a beta would never achieve.  That was when his father had given up, Louis no longer worth his efforts when he couldn’t follow in his father’s footsteps.

It had also created a dark animal in the depths of his being and that animal wanted to be set free when Louis’ mind was left unoccupied for so long.  Louis had never fully given in to its begging to be released and there was no place in this town where he could do it safely, anyway. Not without the rest of his judgemental community gossiping about the Tomlinson boy’s behaviour should anyone see.  And they would.

He was running out of time before he would finally implode and, as the creak of the swing and the drone of a falsely picturesque life rubbed his ears raw, he knew the only solution was to get out.  To where, he didn’t know, but he needed to flee.

He couldn’t be in such a state when his mother came home with her constant comments about his dirty clothes on the floor or his hair or the gossip that made everything feel so toxic.  He would snap and he couldn’t afford such a slip up when he was already so close to the edge.

He ignored Mr. Jacobs’ stare as he squealed the tires on his brand new Chevy and peeled out down the narrow street lined with parked cars.  The county sheriff lived on the corner but his squad car was dark and still as were most of the lights in the house so he figured he was safe at least this once.  Going twice the speed limit in a place where everybody knew his name and getting caught wouldn’t be easy to deal with on multiple levels. Especially if his father found out through the gossip vine that grew like the most stubborn weeds.  

With no particular destination in mind, Louis just drove.  The wind roared past the open windows and whipped his hair around his face.  His mother had been nagging him to go for a trim but he rather liked it a bit shaggy.  He had the rest of his life to wear it cropped close to his scalp and only a blink of an eye to wear it how he wanted.  He was going to take advantage of that before the professional world sucked out the last bits of his soul and chained him to the daily grind with standard crop cuts and constricting suits.  

The orange and red colours painted the sky and made for a stunning backdrop that in no way fit Louis’ mood.  His eyes narrowed and focused forward on the passing road, blips of painted lines flashing by like a physical representation of morse code and it helped to drown out the picture that still existed in his periphery.  The beauty of nature could be irritating to a soul trying to eat itself from the inside out and he wanted no part of it.

His tape deck scratched like a faulty record player when he hit a pothole too hard and he pounded his fist on the dash like that would somehow fix the issue instead of making it worse.  It was brand spanking new and they still couldn’t fix such a simple issue. It was at least an upgrade from the AM radio he had in his beat up Ford he parted with at the beginning of the summer.  He could listen to his music uninterrupted when he set off for a drive and the slight hiccups in the system were worth it for that. He was sure being able to set the mood on a night out with his girl would benefit him as well though he hadn’t had a chance to test it out.  He’d need a new girl for that, anyway.

Suburbia stretched into farmland dotted with tiny towns and then the city could be seen looming in the distance with tall shadowed buildings, a hazy glow of lights and the promise of a different type of life.  The lights reflected off the low hanging clouds even so far away and Louis could finally see why they always said it was harder to see the stars in the forest of skyscrapers. He’d never particularly cared about stars before but knew he’d feel caged once he realized they were gone if he found himself permanently in that setting.  There was just something about having that open space available that felt like a freedom he could chase if he needed to. With that stripped away, he could only imagine how stifling that would feel.

A scene of unexpected sights finally caught Louis’ eye once he had entered the loop of the city and lost himself to the busy streets.  It wasn’t often he ventured down to explore but something was calling out to him with the flashing coloured lights and mingling people that felt nothing like home.  It was exactly what he was looking for.

He pulled his car off when he found the first available parking spot before he killed the engine and took a deep steadying breath.  The meters lining the curb didn’t need to be fed after five o’clock or on weekends which was good enough for him since he didn’t have any change on him and never carried any, anyway.  He pocketed his keys and left the windows cracked so he wouldn’t return to stuffy summer air filling the cab.

The street lights were both too dim and too bright at the same time and Louis immediately felt out of place when he paused to look around like a gawking tourist.  The rainbow of blinking neon signs of the clubs stood in stark contrast to the dimly lit alleys yet there was no clear distinction between where one started and the other began.  It was a sight that rivaled even the most colourful bar scenes near his dorm and that was saying something.

The gaudy, heavily painted drag queens stumbled out from the stage doors and mixed with the wigs on the heads of the street workers dotting the boulevard in a carnival of sequins and second hand heels.  It reminded him of the days when his sister would make him play dress up with her as a child only with every shred of innocence stripped away in a blatant display of sexuality.

There were two men making out against one of the brick walls, one of them wearing a mesh shirt that Louis would never have imagined someone wearing in real life.  They were both alpha and Louis couldn’t stop himself from staring with his jaw dropped at how unashamed everyone seemed to be in this hidden corner of the world. They were grinding together with flashes of tongue and they weren’t the only ones not afraid to touch.  The whole scene was absolutely pornographic and the obscenity of it was dragging him in. There was no regard for gender or traditional pairings in the mix of bodies throwing all expectations to the wind.

The pounding bass rumbled in muted rhythms from the clubs, small bursts of sound breaking through each time one of the doors opened for more drunken patrons to tumble out into the night.  He felt uncomfortable yet invisible and his body wouldn’t let him leave the unfamiliar environment. Something about the scene was screaming out to him and his feet stayed glued to the uneven asphalt as the characters moved around him in their live action play.

Someone was belting out an Aretha Franklin song down the block at full performance level and it felt so free and unrestricted that it had Louis’ heart ache to feel something so simple yet passionate flowing out with no reservation.  It was that spirit that Louis was desperately searching for, that release that he’d always locked away. It was what was missing in his life. It was like drowning with oxygen just beyond his reach to want something he had never seen.  The animal he held off within himself went crazy with his acknowledgement of wanting that release and the little surge of energy pushed a smile onto his lips. It was an addicting rush. He could unlock that heavily guarded cell around here like he could never do at home.  Just for a little while, anyway.

“Are you lost, Sugar?”  

The voice startled him from his thoughts and his wide eyes snapped to the source that stood in front of him with a white blonde sphere of curls framing the face of some of the darkest and most beautiful skin Louis had ever seen.  The wig contrasted so dramatically that his attention was captured and he stared at the deep blues and purples that accented their eyes and matched the sparkles of the tight mini skirt clinging to their hips. The voice hadn’t sounded female but not male either, something Louis’ brain could not compute.  It was especially confusing when an urge in the back of Louis’ mind wanted to find out exactly what those glossy lips tasted like without the confirmation of gender.

He shook that thought clear before it could completely manifest.  This was just a stop over in this world. He was only observing, not participating.  Not yet.

“I, um–” Louis stuttered and tried to divert his eyes, but there was nothing to look at, no excuses to ramble off.  It was just him and this oddity in front of him.

“Rich boy nervous about taking his first fem-knot?”

“What??” Louis heard his voice raise in pitch nearing a hysterical level.  Of course he wasn’t looking for a fem-knot. He wasn’t looking for any kind of knot.  He was beta and had a girlfriend– kind of. He was just sightseeing, just needed an escape, not looking to partake in socially upside down activities.  

“You need to come down a few notches,” he– she? he? it? Louis was completely out of his element, anything apart from his norms making his head spin– said with a coy grin, “You need to relax.”

“I am relaxed,” he squeaked out with obvious tension.  His eyes focused awkwardly on the front of the mini skirt and he nervously moistened his lips while his thoughts wandered to what was hidden underneath the clothing there.  He wasn’t completely sure what a fem-knot even was. An alpha with a real knot? An O with a fake knot? Something completely different? His bland beta world hadn’t included much past the basics when none of that would ever matter to him.  

All Louis could think about was his brand new blue jeans as he was backed up against the uneven brick wall of the alley, texture catching on the denim just enough to make him cringe.  Brand new and the perfect shade of deep blue that hugged his ass just right and flared flatteringly at the ankles. He hadn’t worn them out just to ruin them on some dingy wall.

“I could give you what you’re looking for,” full lips so close to Louis’ ear that he gulped in surprise, hands on either side of his head boxing him in so he had nowhere to go.  “Fifty if you want me to touch you, hundred if you want to touch me, double if you want my knot.”

“Oh– no, I’m not–” Louis stammered and shrank back against the brick despite his jeans.  His bright yellow polo wasn’t going to come out of this without some damage either. He hadn’t dressed for this.  

“Not what?  Not ready to admit you want to feel the catch of this alpha dick on your hole or not willing to pay for this fine piece in front of you?  Or are you looking for the other way around? You looking to top? To feel like you’re in charge?”

Louis swallowed hard while she– he?– stepped back and did a turn, popping a hip out and looking back for Louis’ response.  

“Neither one?” Louis glanced around to see if anyone had witnessed the exchange.  The last thing he needed was a rumour about him and a prostitute getting back to his father.  Things like that always seemed to.

“You look a little overwhelmed.  Too much for your first time?”

“It’s not my first— “ Louis swallowed and cleared his throat, “I just wasn’t looking for... “

“Looking for what?”

“For whatever it is you’re trying to sell.”  

Louis felt exposed as he was scrutinized from head to toe for such a long moment that he started to squirm uncomfortably.  

“You know what?  You need to go see Captain Jack,” fingers snapping with the dawn of the idea, “Captain Jack will loosen you up a bit, get you high, bring out what you really want.”

“Is that a metaphor?” Louis asked as an arm was linked with his, already on their way down the alleyway before he’d even agreed.  It should have felt like he was being kidnapped but it really didn’t. He was just along for the ride now.

“Everyone knows Captain Jack.”  

It was a cryptic answer that just left him with more questions as they made their way down the boulevard weaving through all the colourful characters and questionable establishments.  He just tried to keep his feet under him and a few blocks later he found himself standing in front of a house that seemed very out of place. High apartment buildings rose on either side of the victorian with a wrap around porch and intricate woodwork framing all the doors and windows from a time when carpenters put more effort into the details of their work.  It was definitely in need of some love but the shell was still in decent condition.

The lawn was no more than a few feet of green between the steps and the sidewalk yet there were messy flowers planted along the edges as if it didn’t know how small it really was.  Louis was confused by the setting.

There was a swell of noise as they climbed the steps towards the door and Louis hesitated just outside as his escort threw it open to enter without invitation.  

“The party has finally arrived!” the show voice called out before a hand reached back to pull Louis inside.  The first sight was shocking to say the least.

The air was hazy every direction that Louis looked and the smell of cigarette smoke, Nag Champa and skunk overwhelmed him enough for him to cough with his first breath in.  Existing in the lingering veil of smoke were people in varying states of dress all churning together like they all had a place to be yet nowhere at the same time.

The pair passed through those lingering in the foyer and into one of the first floor rooms that appeared to have more of a purpose.  There its occupants sat on pillows while they passed a joint around and Louis wasn’t naive enough to not know what it was. It was a little strange to see it happening so freely but that wasn’t really any of his business as an outsider.  The acoustic music playing low in the room clashed with the beats vibrating the walls from elsewhere in the house, but none of them seemed to mind at all, a zen bubble in a house of chaos.

“Anyone seen Jack?” his escort asked the room, only receiving a few murmured responses.  

“Come on.  Only one place he’d be this time of night.”  

Louis let himself be dragged by the hand to the other side of the first floor, the french doors only cracked open in the middle a few inches.  That was all it took for Louis to catch a glimpse of the abundance of naked skin moving just beyond.

Opening the doors made the image more clear yet more confusing as he focused and then blinked to make sure he was actually seeing what was in front of him.  Everyone was naked and moving together in what looked like a massive orgy where each body was just another body to be touched. Men touching women, women touching men and others paired up with those of the same gender.  Louis had never witnessed anything like it and stared at the erections and nipples and holes and knots and body fluids and sheens of sweat dampening hairlines everywhere.

He found himself standing alone in the doorway with a curly blonde wig on the floor by his feet and a sequined mini skirt not much farther away.  He gaped at the scene in front of him while his escort was being happily stripped down, smirk stuck on those full painted lips and half hard dick exactly where Louis had expected it to be.  Definitely an alpha by birth. Louis could see the swell of his knot despite the rest of his appearance. He tried to ignore the way it made his own mouth water as someone emerged from the tangle of limbs and swallowed down the fem-alpha’s dick.  The sight made him twitch.

“Jack, take care of the newb,” came distractedly with a wave of a hand before his escort became part of the mass of skin.  

“What are you looking for?” a deep voice startled him from behind, hot breath humid right up against his ear with the words.  He spun around and came face to face with a tall stranger who didn’t seem even the slightest bit uncomfortable standing there fully naked in front of him.  It was hard to reconcile that he himself was the one out of place being fully clothed in this setting.

“Uh?” Louis just stared up at him as he took in the shoulder length curls and glossy eyes, flushed cheeks and curved lips that left him without words.  He’d never seen a man so gorgeous in his life and, for the first time, he wasn’t ashamed to let himself appreciate a nice looking man and an alpha at that.  It was completely normal to look without it meaning more, he told himself as he let his eyes take another pass over his body. It was perfectly fine to admire the muscles and the structure that he would never have with his lack of strong alpha hormones and the different anatomy that was impressive.  His eyes caught on that part just a little too long. Comparison– that was all it was.

“Uppers?  Downers? All-arounders?  Psychedelics?”

“I don’t… know?  I just– uh, over there?  Brought me?” Louis was having a hard time remembering how words worked with so many naked bodies writhing around him and one particularly attractive one singled out.  That one in front of him just threw his head back and laughed and Louis didn’t particularly like being made a fool of.

“Come on Lemon, come with The Captain.  We’ll get you fixed up.”

“It’s Louis,” he corrected automatically.  The naked man just glanced down at his lemon yellow polo and then winked.  A nickname already for one of the shirts he hated. It had just been the closest on his laundry stack when he’d dressed for the day, one his mother always said made him look nice.  He hated it even if just for that reason.

Large hands grasped his shoulders and steered him out of the room and down a small hallway to a locked door.  The Captain pulled a key from somewhere– Louis still wasn’t quite sure from where– and swung the door in after the lock had clicked free.  

Louis lingered in the doorway while The Captain– still naked– unlocked a large safe and pulled out a cash box.  His deep voice disturbed the air in the small room with gentle vibrations while he hummed to himself and all Louis could do was stare.  

He watched the man moisten the tip of his finger with his tongue and then press it into the box.  Pulling it out, he turned towards Louis and held up his hand with his pointer finger raised towards Louis.  There, in the center of his fingerprint, was a small heart-shaped pill with another red heart drawn onto the surface.  

“Special reserve if you can afford it.”  The man raised an eyebrow and then smirked.  “Fifty’s the going rate but I’ll cut it down to thirty if you need to sample the product.”  

“What is it?” Louis asked, drawn closer to the small dot.  

“No questions!  If you have to ask questions, you’ll never have any fun.  The Molly train waits for no one and we’ve already boarded!”

Louis watched as he made a grand gesture with his hand before pressing the pill to his own tongue.  

“Wait–!”  

He found himself reaching a hand up to stop the action but let it pause in the air.  For all Louis knew, it was just an aspirin that someone with a pen and a knife had attacked in a moment of boredom.  This man, though. The mystery and curiosity was there. He’d already sold the idea to Louis before Louis even knew what that idea was.  

The man raised a brow in challenge until Louis was pulling his wallet out and shuffling through the bills.  He thrust a messy wad of fives towards the naked man and felt his adrenaline spike his heart rate. What was he doing?  

A new pill was pressed to the man’s finger and Louis stared at it while he was relieved of his cash.  

Louis reached for it.  

“Nuh-uh,” he shook his head and pulled his hand back, “Open.”  

It took Louis a second to understand and then hesitantly parted his lips and let his tongue slip out.   Don’t take candy from strangers, swirled through his head in his mother’s voice while the pill was pressed delicately onto the moist surface.  

“Welcome aboard,” the deep voice crooned near his ear, “The train is about to leave the station so we ask that you please stand clear of the closing doors and enjoy the ride to your final destination.”  

Before the words had even finished, he was being led out of the room with the door firmly locked behind them and a bitter taste on his tongue.

Louis still had no idea what he had just ingested.  The effects weren’t immediate so he hoped that was a good sign.  Ending up in the hospital over a bad trip wasn’t what he had signed up for when he had parked his car.  None of it was– especially the room they returned to churning with naked bodies.

Captain Jack snapped his fingers and waved off the occupants of the loveseat against the far wall.  It was covered with an old bed sheet that had seen better days, faded flowers and stains telling a story Louis wasn’t ready to hear.  

Jack flopped down to lounge on one end and Louis’ attention once again was drawn to the the place where his thighs were parted wide.  Smooth, pale skin made the dark patch of hair stand out even more and then the soft pinkish cock nestled there. Louis had never seen an alpha cock so close before, especially not in a setting that allowed him to gawk so openly.  Licking his lips, he stared and wondered how anyone could be so open about their body in front of strangers. It didn’t seem that anyone in the room had the same thoughts, though, all of them bare and touching and seemingly unaware of the curious eyes on them.  It was nothing like the locker rooms where everyone went about their own business. The purpose appeared to make it everyone’s business.  

“Take a seat,” Jack gestured to the open space on the other end of the couch and Louis carefully lowered himself to sit on the edge of the cushion.  There had just been naked bodies on the same spot and Louis was sure the stains in view were questionable at best. He didn’t dare feel them to see if they were still damp.  

The whole scene had started to make him feel extremely anxious and he bounced his knee nervously just to release some energy.  As he tried to decide whether or not to bolt from of the house and the strange Captain at his side, his heart began to race and pound heavily in his chest.  Sitting still felt like torture as the anxiety bubbled up and the lazy gaze he could feel resting on him wasn’t helping.

He finally glanced over to see Jack with a slight smirk resting on his lips and glazed over eyes barely cracked enough to allow him to see.  He could, though, Louis could tell in the way that his eyebrow twitched and the shadow of a dimple that became visible on his right cheek. He was lost in the image in front of him, the deep pink of the naked man’s lips becoming more vibrant along with the flush of his cheeks.  The dusting of his neglected mustache became more crisp to Louis’ eyes, each individual hair jumping out at him as if under a magnifying glass.

He reached out to touch but paused with his hand raised mid-air again.  The movement felt different, felt surreal. He looked at his hand and then brought it closer to his own face, his skin suddenly so fascinating.  Fingertips touched his cheek and they didn’t feel like his own yet overwhelmingly did at the same time in a strange disconnect. The slide of skin against skin felt soft and silky as he trailed his fingers along his jaw and lost himself to the sensation.  

His body slowly melted back into the couch and he smiled as he imagined himself as a puddle on the floor.  The motion of the people around him made Louis feel like he was rocking gently on the waves in a boat and he watched them in a different light than he had before.  It was calming rather than overwhelming to flow along with them.

A movement to his right caused his head to lull in that direction, grin no doubt still on his face when he was met with the same expression mirrored back.  Time started to move fast while actions slowed, the lazy smirk drawing closer until there was barely a hair’s space between them.

“Enjoy the ride,” the deep voice mumbled against his ear and the soundwaves caused shivers to run through his entire body and then boomerang back up into his brain.  Long fingers reached up to tuck a stray piece of Louis’ shaggy hair behind his ear and his reflex was to catch them there and hold them close. The touch had felt amazing and his inhibitions had lowered enough to allow himself to react and take what he wanted.  

Without explanation, the fingers carded through Louis’ hair and his eyes fell closed to concentrate on the movement each individual strand that caused his scalp to prickle as they were touched.  He had never felt anything so amazing in his life and goosebumps rose over his skin as his nerves were overwhelmed with sensation.

“That’s it,” the voice cooed while a second hand started to explore Louis’ body.  It felt so amazing that his own hands joined in, sliding over the fabric of his shirt and then, when that wasn’t enough, over his bare chest.  

His entire being was buzzing from the depths of his soul to the ends of his hair.  He followed one of Jack’s arms up to his shoulder and the skin there felt just as smooth as it looked.  The feeling was buttery soft and he had the urge to know what it felt like under his lips. It seemed like a logical thought to him that his lips would be a better judge of texture so he leaned forward and let them press into the meat of Jack’s bicep and just held them there.  It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. When Louis died he was sure that the clouds would be made of Jack’s plushy soft skin, that he would be able to feel it against his body for the rest of time.

Speaking of, Louis wasn’t sure when he’d lost his shirt completely but couldn’t protest when Jack seemed intent on touching every inch of his exposed chest.  He moaned and pressed up into the contact, begging for more. His senses were overloaded and he loved every second.

Another set of hands were working on his jeans and he let them be pulled off without a fight.  The constricting denim had become stifling, he realized once they had been removed. The old faded sheet was cool and smooth against his thighs and he snuggled back against it in spite of the questionable stains.  The thought of avoiding them before seemed so silly to him now.

The music filtering in from other parts of the house lit his brain into a dizzy spiral that made his body sink even further into the couch.  The warmth of Jack next to him, half on top of him, was grounding and Louis welcomed it. He was in the same sprawled out position that he had judged Jack for, legs spread and everything on display.  

And he understood.  Louis absolutely understood why being naked was the only way to be.  Being naked released every emotion other than bliss into the air like helium balloons, strings snipped one by one until there was nothing tying him down other than the warm weight of another body. He took in a deep breath and felt like he could breathe for the first time in his life, the chains normally constricting his chest falling free.  The world was perfect exactly how it was in that very moment and The Captain was the only person he wanted to share that with. They were on the same level.

There was a man touching him–an alpha– and he was touching that man in return and it was perfect.  It didn’t matter that their genders didn’t pair up or that his father would disown him if he knew. He was on a scavenger hunt for every dip and curve of the alpha’s body and that mission was the only thing that mattered.  The rippled plains of his toned abs, the sparse hairs across his chest, the tight pucker of his nipples, the creases where his thighs met his hips, the circle of his navel. Louis explored it all with no shame and opened himself up for the same treatment.  

“Next stop…”  Jack mumbled and his lips began a journey down Louis’ neck.  He moaned into it and the sound felt amazing leaving his throat like a heated blanket in winter.  He tested the feeling again, a louder moan pushed from his body when Jack’s mouth reached his nipple and sucked it in.  

It didn’t even startle Louis when he felt a wide palm cover his naked crotch, fingers curling in to cup his ball.  He wasn’t hard, quite the opposite, actually. Jack’s hand neatly covered his dick that had shriveled into a fraction of what it normally was but the contact was no less pleasurable.  The sensitive head was cradled right in the center of his palm and made Louis’ eyes roll back while he moaned with the rolls of euphoria.

It wasn’t sex.  Not in the way Louis usually thought of it, yet it felt better than any other intimate experience he had ever had.  His girlfriend’s hands were always too cold or not what he needed and his own never quite scratched the itch. The Captain’s were just right.  The weight of his balls was suspended by those curved fingers and he felt them pulling up against his body with tingles. Even without an erection, waves crashed over him like a constant state of orgasm and his body twitched around with the energy that burst out of his pores.  

He’d read about drug effects a handful of times.  The little pill and its effects were still a mystery to him yet he didn’t waste his time overthinking it.  Vasoconstriction– or something like that– was a big word that popped into his brain and made him giggle. He could barely recall where he even was but the condition likely rendering his dick useless was right there at the front of his thoughts for a fleeting second.  Whatever the drug he’d ingested was, one of the side effects must have been that.

A quick glance down assured him he wasn’t alone, Jack’s dick just as limp in his lap though a little more impressive with the hint of his knot still at the base.  Its state didn’t stop Louis from reaching out curiously to touch. He’d never touched another dick before nor a knot. He’d never had the desire to touch either other than his own, but it was right there and the urge to explore was strong.  

His inhibitions were so lowered that Louis didn’t even acknowledge the person attached to it at first.  He just let his senses drive. The pink skin was surprisingly soft and the foreskin moved easily with just the tips of his fingers.  It was much different than touching his girlfriend. Most of the time he only did it because she liked it while he found it rather boring.  The main event was what Louis usually looked forward to and even then it was never that big of a deal.

It was probably just the drugs or the fact that everyone around him was naked that he found it so fascinating to touch a penis that wasn’t his.  It probably also had something to do with the fact that someone else was also exploring his own at the same time. It felt normal when it was mutual.  

His restless hips twitched up against the contact and he was caught between wanting to melt into the couch and rubbing his whole body against another.  Bodies were bodies, humans were humans, skin was skin, pleasure was pleasure and they were connected by a lifeforce energy that was mirrored so strongly that it made Louis tear up at the beauty of it.  He’d never felt so understood.

“I know,” the deep voice answered him.  Louis was so lost to the feeling that the words running from his mouth had just seemed like another release instead of the unconscious ramblings he knew them to be.  But they were also extremely important for reasons he couldn’t explain. It was absolutely vital that he babbled off his deepest thoughts before they vanished and were lost forever.  

Jack seemed to be on the same page, though, answering his insight with contributions of his own until they were sure they had found the solution to every problem in the world.  Their connection was the only thing holding everything together and breaking contact would surely snap the darkness back into place and doom the fate of the world.

Louis realized he was sprawled out on top of Jack when the potent smell of weed started to fill the room around them.  The love seat wasn’t long enough for them to comfortably fit so arms and legs were hanging off the edges or bent into odd angles.  

The blunt was passed their way and Jack took a long hit before passing it over.  Louis lifted his head and stared at it for a moment. It wasn’t that he hadn’t smoked before– he’d been stealing his father’s cigarettes for years before he started bumming them off friends– but never something like this.  He brought the wrapped brown paper to his lips and inhaled lightly before he erupted into a coughing fit of smoke. It hadn’t been what he expected and his lungs rebelled against him.

He handed it back to Jack who passed it on while he tried to control himself and wipe at his tearing eyes.  

After that he could tell that he was coming down.  It wasn’t unpleasant. Instead it felt like the gentle roll of waves bringing him back to himself in pieces.  He cuddled closer to the warm body and smiled when he wasn’t pushed away but rather pulled in closer.

The blunt got passed around the room again and Louis didn’t embarrass himself as much the second time around.  The bodies that had been churning together at first were now calming, piles of people coming down from whatever had them in that state to begin with.  His eyes jumped around as the simple furniture seemed to be lurking figures from the edges of his vision and, after a while, it felt better to just close them all together.  

Louis’ ear rested against Jack’s chest, the beat of his heart thumping a rhythm into Louis’ eardrum that matched the rise and fall of his breaths.  It felt so blissfully peaceful that Louis wanted to stay in that spot for the rest of his life. There were no expectations there, not even for clothing.  There was no judgement, no pressure and nothing to hide from anyone. He’d never experienced anything like it. The freedom was overwhelming.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been in a state of half consciousness when the body under him stirred and mumbled out a string of unintelligible words.  It was well past the time he was normally home so when Jack rose and stumbled off, Louis searched around for his clothing and only found his jeans with unfortunately empty pockets.  There had been at least a hundred dollars cash in his wallet after he’d paid The Captain for his high but it was nowhere in sight.

With a sigh, he pulled his jeans on without any other layers and headed towards the door.  He snagged his yellow polo from the corner on his way out and found his keys on the floor not far away.  He only spared one glance back as he headed down the sidewalk in search of the street where he’d left his car.  

When he arrived home and parked along the curb, the house was dark save for one lamp left lit in the front window.  He cut the engine and stared up at the shadowed home he’d grown up in and saw it from a different pair of eyes. None of it felt like his.  The flower pots on the stairs leading up to the porch were too perfectly placed to be anything he had a hand in and the windows were so clean that the reflection of the moon revealed no imperfections.  

The life inside those walls was fake, but Louis was too blissed out to let it weigh on him as he slammed his car door shut and heard a neighbor’s dog yipping in response.  The front door was unlocked, as usual, another indication of the naivety of his parents in their idealistic shell of suburban life. They’d lost the key long ago so he was sure it would never change.  

The stacks of folded laundry he’d left behind on his desk were missing, neatly tucked into the drawers and closets even though his mother had instructed him to do so when she’d delivered it to him that morning.  The disorder was too much for her to handle, even though it wasn’t her space. His bed was neatly made as well with hospital precision and fluffed pillows with pointed corners in a neat pile.

Immediately he ripped the covers free from where they were tucked under the mattress.  Constricting, tight sheets were enough to leave him feeling claustrophobic on the best of days and likely to give him a panic attack in his current state.  He also shed his clothes and let them fall where they landed on the carpet, only kicking away his belt so he wouldn’t step on the sharp edges of the buckle later on.  

The light of dawn was already peeking through his curtains and activity in the house would begin in a short amount of time.  Louis didn’t care. The cool, crisp feeling of the sheets against his skin was enough to have him writhing around until his body found the perfect position to settle.  

Thoughts were bouncing around in his brain like a bucket of rubber balls dumped down a flight of stairs but his body was exhausted.  He could still feel the phantom caress of large hands against his skin and he rocked his semi down into his mattress to the thought. They hadn’t even come but the constant rolls of euphoria had been like the peak of an orgasm hitting him over and over until it had been better than making a mess of himself had ever been.  

He spent the rest of the morning in a state of half sleep until his mother threw his curtains open and began to scold him for wasting so much time in bed.  Louis just sighed and spent the next forty minutes trying to jerk off in the shower with the events of the night in his mind on repeat.

///

The constant drone of lawnmowers had only just ceased for the first time in hours and the deafening silence that came over the house was eerie but welcome.  The smiling faces behind the glass of their frames against the wall taunted Louis with their superficial veil of happiness. His own younger self grinned back at him from his place between his parents and made him wonder when it all started feeling like such an oppressive lie.  

He wouldn’t say his childhood had been horrible.  He never wanted for anything and knew he had grown up privileged in many ways.  There were sports and camps and activities to take up his time and he gave each one his all to make his parents proud.  The trophies from his youth still lined the shelves of his childhood room– a constant reminder of all the superficial praises that had meant nothing once he hadn’t presented alpha.  

That little boy in the picture had gone on bike rides to the arcade with his friends and tormented his little sister with worms and bugs from the yard.  There had been the sound of ice cream trucks rolling down the street and car rides for french fries with the windows down. They were all the things Louis had thought were happiness while he was naive enough to believe it and maybe it had been in those small blips of time.  It was just that those moments had grown shorter as the years passed and Louis grew up until they weren’t enough to hold any meaning.

Louis couldn’t remember an identifiable point when those smiles ceased to be real.  It had been a moving target of disappointment and inadequacy drilled into him with the sawdust landing on his mother and sister to muck everything up in their household.  It would never not be his fault.

Another lawn mower started it up and Louis let his eyes fall closed in irritation and his fists clenched at his sides.  

“For fuck’s sake!” he yelled into the empty room filled only with misrepresented memories.  

He kicked the neat stack of coffee table books to the floor with a satisfying clatter of noise and stomped his way up the stairs with so much frustration behind every step that his heels sent jolts of pain up through his bones.  

His father was out who knew where– probably fucking his hot little secretary.  His mother was out at another fundraising dinner for Kitten Mittens or something equally as unimportant.  That just left his sister, Leah, who had borrowed his car without asking to go out on a date with some loser she’d met downtown.  

So Louis was stuck.  

He slammed his door shut with enough momentum to rattle the frames on the wall just because he could do so without consequences.  It didn’t relieve the pressure that had been building within him so he picked up his ceramic piggy bank and smashed it onto the floor just for good measure.  Pennies and change scattered with the remnants of glossy finish over the carpet and he walked through it to flop himself down onto his bed.

The first few days after visiting Jack’s had been blissful, awakening even.  His mind had been opened up to life in new ways and, for the first time in years, Louis had been hopeful.  

It had been short lived.  One sharp look from his father and a scoff of resentment had cut him down like a machete through a soft stick of butter.  He’d woken the next morning with the vice replaced around his chest and a heavy weight linked to his center. The slightest noise or motion was irritating and he felt seconds away from snapping with triggers he didn’t even know were there.  

He tried to retreat into himself but it was difficult to package everything inside again once he’d let it all out.  The strings that he’d cut free while naked on that dingy old couch were now tied securely to the baggage he was forced to drag around with him everywhere he went– this time with double knots.  It was cumbersome to have so many obstacles holding him back from that sweet freedom he’d had a brief sample of.

It wasn’t fair for him to be stuck in such a prison while everyone else was out and Jack’s orgy room of wonder was just out of reach.  It wasn’t fair that there weren’t hands exploring his body, not fair that his thoughts felt so heavy.

Louis angrilly shoved his pants down and gripped his soft cock like it had wronged him.  It still came to life with such rough treatment and he glared at it with clenched teeth and tight jaw while his fist jerked at it in a chokehold grip.

Of course it felt nothing like the way Jack had caressed him, the way his hand had cupped him so possessively gentle.    

The comparison made his thoughts stray until the alpha’s touch was all he could focus on.  His eyes closed and his hand loosened while he conjured up the memories of hot smooth skin and the drag of lips.  The phantom sensation of fingertips petting in small motions just behind his balls sent a zing up his spine and he groaned when his own touch didn’t quite feel the same.  

For just a few short minutes the floating feeling of being high descended upon him like muscle memory and he grasped at it like a lifeline.

Louis could vividly remember the way his fingers had found the subtle swell of Jack’s knot at the base of his soft dick and how melodically he had moaned when Louis couldn’t stop exploring the way it felt.  Alone in his bedroom, the fleeting image of gripping that knot in its fully inflated state had him coming hard all over himself.

He allowed himself a few moments to calm down before he sat up and pulled at his hair when he fully realized what he had just done.  Betas didn’t jerk off to alphas. Especially not to the thought of their knots.

“Fuck!” Louis exclaimed and swiped his arm violently across the contents of his night table.  His lamp toppled to the floor and the light bulb shattered with a bright spark that made him jump while other odds and ends bounced around it.

No wonder his father could barely stand him.  Louis could barely stand himself for what he’d just done.  He wasn’t supposed to get off on a knot like some prissy omega bitch.  It was bad enough that he’d never popped one himself. He couldn’t afford to slip down another notch when his father already couldn’t stand to look at him.

Angry tears gathered in his eyes and he wiped at them with angry swipes.  He was only proving just how much of a worthless beta he really was. He’d never believed it more than he did right then.  

///

Louis was on his third beer when he looked around the campfire and wondered why he was even there.  When they had been in high school, drinking at a campsite near the state park had been a frequent weekend occurrence.  It was secluded and rarely bothered by anyone looking to rat out some teenagers and the perfect place for them to get up to no good.  

Coming back for the summers, it was like no one had evolved past the urge to rebel and spend a few hours getting wasted beyond the eyes of parents.  Even if they were all old enough to drink now, it was the same scene of some knotheads in a drunken wrestling match off to the side in the grass while others cheered them on and couples sneaking off to get busy since they all still lived at home and couldn’t get away with it there.  

They were the same people Louis had grown up with, the same behaviour Louis had once participated in– especially when Louis was sure he’d end up alpha like his father.  In that moment taking in the scene, Louis found that he no longer enjoyed any of it, any of them.

His kind-of–girlfriend’s hand was inching up his thigh and he had to resist the urge to push it away.  Maggie had just been there at the campsite on a night similar to the one Louis was currently looking on with distaste.  Being wasted and a teenaged boy at the time, Louis hadn’t resisted when the beta had taken his hand and led him to the backseat of his beat up Ford.  She hadn’t even commented when it had taken him a while to get into it and then rode him so hard he’d had bruises for a week. That’s how he’d lost his virginity and it hadn’t been the worst experience of his life.   

She’d just never left after that and started to tell people they were dating soon after.  Louis had just shrugged and gone along with it since it meant that his dick started to receive regular attention.   Without having popped a knot yet, he figured she’d be fine to pass the time before he knew that he never would.

That all had changed when they’d both gone off to different schools, but during summers and holidays, the charade continued.  Louis was pretty sure he’d ended it with her on countless occasions yet he always ended up being paraded around as a model boyfriend any time their families ended up at the same events.  They never even talked for the duration of the semester which were months at a time. The whole back and forth was so tiring and a quick meaningless shag when he was back at home didn’t seem worth the act anymore.   

“Come on, Lou,” Maggie cooed into his ear.  

Throwing back the rest of his beer in one gulp was his only response.  Her hand on him was making his skin crawl and he couldn’t pinpoint why when he usually jumped at the chance to get laid.  They had done it hundreds of times before and the glow from the fire shouldn’t have made anything different this time.

But it was and he stood up and walked away with the excuse of grabbing another beer.  

He popped open the can and took a gulp while he walked to the edge of site.  He lit a cigarette from the pack someone had left on the hood of their car and held back the urge to cough when the harsh smoke hit his lungs.  It was so different from the pot he’d had the weekend before and so was the effect. That didn’t stop him from finding a rhythm between the beer and the smoke, watching each cloud float up towards the moon as it left his mouth.  

“What are you doing?” Maggie came up behind him and something about her tone gritted against his nerves.  

“Having a smoke, what does it look like I’m doing?” he bit out and turned to lean back against the car.  

“Since when do you smoke?” She plucked the cigarette from his fingers and threw it down onto the gravel before twisting it out with the toe of her shoe.  

“What the fuck did you do that for?”

Louis turned to pull another from the pack and lit it out of spite.  

“What’s wrong with you?  You’ve been weird all night.”  

Maggie crossed her arms and narrowed her glare at Louis.  It reminded him far too much of his mother and sent a wave of disgust through him.  

“I’m not weird.  We’re just all doing what we always do, aren’t we?”  He spit the words out and tipped back the rest of his beer before squeezing the empty aluminum in his fist and tossing it to the ground.  

“Don’t cause a scene,” she hissed at him and looked around to see if anyone had witnessed the start of his little tantrum.  

“So you were ready to jerk me off around the fire with everyone but heaven forbid someone point out how pathetic it is that this is what we’re all still doing on the weekends,” he held his hand out and gestured across the clearing, “The high school kids don’t even come out here anymore!”

He threw the cigarette to the ground since he hadn’t even been smoking it anymore and crossed his arms to mirror Maggie.  

“Louis.  You’re embarrassing me.”  

“Right, because it always revolves around you, doesn’t it?  You come home and make me your little puppet until you find something better.”  

Louis didn’t even wait for her response before he stalked off towards his car, fumbling with his keys on the way.  His steps were just a bit swayed, but he wasn’t drunk enough to miss his target when shoving the key into the ignition.  

The drive was faster on a direct route than the wandering path he’d taken before, the city rising in front of him while he tried to keep the car on a steady course.  The glow of the road signs reflecting back from his headlights made him realize the beers had hit him harder than he had thought or maybe he had just been in denial. The lines on the road ticked along evenly and he didn’t seem to be swerving so he just continued to focus.  

He found a parking space along the curb a few blocks away from Captain Jack’s and stumbled his way along the sidewalk until he was stood on the few feet of front lawn.  The house looked the same but something was different. It took him a few moments staring up at the dark windows to realize it was the silence that threw him off. There was no pounding bass or swell of voices pouring out as there had been the last time he stood in the same spot.  

That didn’t deter him from marching up the porch stairs and up to the front door.  The ugly ball of emotion was threatening to take over as the minutes added up and that small flash of euphoria he’d experienced with Jack had been the only thing to subdue it for even a little while.  It was seeking that feeling that brought him back to Jack’s door, that feeling that he needed to survive another week.  

Louis rose his hand to knock and left it suspended in the air when the door swung open a few inches on its own.  Hesitantly, he pushed it open slowly, calling out as he cautiously stepped in.

There were dim lights on inside despite the appearance of darkness from the front and Louis could see there were people in the large room to the right.  It wasn’t the graphic party scene from his last visit. The mood was mellow and the music soft and folksy. There were only a handful of people this time with Captain Jack sitting on the couch like a king with his minions on various cushions on the floor.  The haze of smoke was thick even into the foyer where Louis was but the two of them locked eyes immediately.

“Lemon,” Jack drawled in his deep voice, volume just loud enough for Louis to hear it.  There was a smirk on his face that drew Louis closer, eye contact not breaking while he walked to the double doored entrance.  

Louis wasn’t even wearing his yellow polo this time and it made something warm bubble inside him with the recognition.  He could have been any generic stranger last weekend but Jack had remembered him.

“It’s cashed.  Harry? It’s cashed.”

Jack broke their gaze to grab the pink curly pipe being held out by the woman near him.  He tapped it into an ashtray on the low, beat up table in front of the couch before setting it upright and pulling a tray towards him.   

“Have a seat.  Just an intimate gathering of friends tonight,” he gestured to the spot next to him on the couch for Louis to join him.  

“Harry?” Louis tried out a few moments later after sitting awkwardly at the center of attention.  

“Hm?” the man didn’t look up from packing another bowl.  Not Captain Jack, then. He’d missed something along the way.  

Louis watched the process that Harry’s fingers seemed to know so well.  He’d only seen weed in person a few times and only smoked it the last time he’d been in the same house.  It was like watching delicate surgery to see how he carefully used tweezers and a few other things Louis had never seen before to move the ground up green from point A to point B without ever touching it with his fingers.  Louis wanted to ask questions, wanted to hang over his shoulder to watch the process. He didn’t want to feel stupid so he sat back, sinking into the background to not draw more attention to himself.

Harry picked up the pipe and offered it to Louis along with a lighter.  Louis looked at it for a moment and then tried to act casual when he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.  

“In a minute,” Louis waved it off and was met with a strange look from Harry.  

Louis just didn’t want to make a fool of himself as he had the last time.  He’d never used a pipe before, especially filled with pot.

He watched Harry for technique as he lit the edge of the bowl and the smoke swirled through the glass spiral.  It was fascinating to watch, the glowing embers still visible as he passed it to the next person. The smoke curled out of Harry’s plush lips and it was all Louis could stare at as Harry relaxed back into the couch with a lazy smile on his face.  

A flashback ran through Louis’ mind and caused it to spark with the memory of those lips touching his skin, of them dragging across so many square inches of his body, of the sensation they’d left behind.  Harry must have caught him staring and he turned and raised a brow towards Louis.

“You okay?” he asked and Louis didn’t have a real answer for him so he nodded.  

Louis didn’t want to think about what any of it meant.  It was obviously just a side effect of the drugs that had been pulsing through his system that night when he’d let an alpha touch him, when he’d touched an alpha in return.  It didn’t mean anything when those memories came back to remind him of the high. That was all it was, all it had been. Just two people high as fuck and not willing to waste any moment of the experience.   

The pipe came back around to him and he hesitated only a moment before mirroring Harry’s actions.  The flame came up to burn his thumb as he tilted the lighter towards the bowl and he dropped it in reflex.  He covered for himself by inhaling and was able to hold it in with only a few small coughs on the way out. It was worthy of a mental pat on the back even though the only person even paying attention to him was Harry.  

“It’s one of my favourites,” Harry tipped his head towards the pipe as he took it from Louis.  “Should knock you on your ass for a while.”

Louis could already see the glassy redness of Harry’s eyes and a veil of tingles slowly covered his face as his own high set in.  It was much different than what he had experienced with whatever Harry had fed him the last time. His head seemed to expand and feel lighter while his eyelids sank low and lips pulled up at the corners.  

The tension he’d carried from the bonfire dissipated as he melted into the couch and a lazy grin crawled further onto his face when it all didn’t seem to matter anymore.  None of it was relevant when he was in this house. A private island away from the world, Louis sought refuge with the strangers who didn’t know him from Adam and weren’t involved with anyone he knew.  Harry didn’t even remember his real name but still offered him something the people in his daily life never had, never could.

He smiled as he listened to the conversations around him and the pipe made its rounds.  It was all nonsense to him but he laughed when everyone laughed and nodded along as if he’d always been part of the circle.  He didn’t remember the words, but he remembered the feeling.

The relaxing environment must have caused him to drift off and he woke to Harry shifting around to get comfortable with his head pillowed on Louis’ lap.  He looked down and couldn’t resist touching the soft curls that fanned out over his thighs. Harry was positioned on his side so he was facing the back of the couch which placed his face right against Louis’ crotch.  

“Lemon,” Harry mumbled with a grin and then actually giggled against the shirt covering Louis’ stomach.  

The weight of his own body against the cushions contradicted the floating feeling of his mind which only intensified when he giggled himself in response.  It felt good to laugh about nothing and even better to be the cause of that in someone else.

Harry’s nose was cold when it nuzzled until the hem of his shirt had ridden up to expose bare skin.  The playfulness morphed into something more intense when Harry purposefully breathed him in and held it before slowly letting it out against Louis’ tummy.  Curled eyelashes stood out against his pale skin when Harry closed his eyes and Louis wanted to reach out and touch them so he did. They were so delicate that Louis could barely feel them against his fingertip and watched as Harry’s eyes fluttered beneath his lids.  

“Like a doll,” Louis muttered while his fingertip followed the line of Harry’s nose and then across his cheekbone.  

All of his features were soft around the strong lines so typical of an alpha.  It made him wonder how old Harry was and if it was just the lingering softness of fresh presentation.  He couldn’t have been much older than Louis but that didn’t leave much room for him to be too much younger either.  

Unless the house was his parents who just happened to always be out of town, Louis couldn’t place him as a teen.  The house was too barren and dingy for that scenario to make sense as well. The furniture was mismatched and worn out, the soft seating covered by old sheets or blankets to hide their tattered edges and the end tables scratched and used.  None of the lamps went together either and Louis wondered if they’d been acquired by dumpster diving. Louis and his dorm mates had found a treasure trove of items for their rooms after each semester that way, but he couldn’t imagine doing the same for his permanent home.  

“I’m not made out of porcelain,” Harry mumbled against his belly and then gave his skin a playful nip.  

“You could be.”  

It didn’t make sense but did at the same time.  Louis remembered how silky smooth Harry’s skin had felt against his own and he was certain it was worth just as much as a fine porcelain doll would be.  He’d never had the urge to just sit and admire someone the way he had so far with Harry. It was new and exciting to be with someone so fascinating that also offered him an escape from the dark fist that usually clutched everything inside.  

“Why did they call you Jack?”

“Because The Captain gets everyone hiiiiiiigh!”  

Harry’s voice rang out louder than the soft tone of the room and several whoops and cheers rang out in agreement.  Louis giggled with the rest of them and let his eyes fall shut. It wasn’t the same feeling the pill had given him but it still made him feel so free.  He felt at home with this group while Captain Jack handed out highs and there was no pressure to be anything but.

Harry’s lips were soft against his stomach and his curls silky against his fingers.  The button of his jeans was undone and Harry rubbed his face against the place where his dick was hidden beneath the denim.  Louis did nothing to stop the zipper coming down nor did he resist it all being pulled down just far enough for his dick to be exposed.  

Harry nuzzled it with his nose and made a show of scenting him which didn’t make sense to Louis.  Alphas were guided by scent in many scenarios but as far as Louis knew, betas didn’t carry the same scent markers that alphas and omegas did.  It was one of the biggest things that set the secondary genders apart. It was what made Louis boring, what made him inadequate. His father had force fed him that information for as long as he could remember.  Louis would never be able to run the business if he wasn’t an alpha and couldn’t smell the fear or thirst on his clients, couldn’t size them up. He’d never be successful.

Yet Harry was still down where some of his scent glands would be, rooting around like a cat searching out hidden catnip.  It was easy to imagine he wasn’t just a beta with such a display going on around his crotch. His dick was growing more interested the longer Harry moaned against him and nudged it with his nose.  

“Smell so good, Lemon,” Harry mumbled and started to mouth along his shaft while Louis watched on with a growing fantasy.  

He shut down any red flags his brain threw up at the thoughts and allowed himself to imagine he had a scent that drove alphas crazy– one alpha in particular.  He’d never pictured himself as an O before, but the fantasy worked for him in that moment and he went with it.

Harry had one hand shoved down his own loose pants and his lips around Louis as he sucked him down in a move of warmth and wetness.  Louis moaned and his hips twitched up in reflex, fisting a handful of Harry’s long hair just because he didn’t know what to do with himself.  

Harry knew what he was doing with his tongue and had Louis reduced to incoherent moans within minutes.  He imagined himself an omega being serviced by his alpha before being knotted and his hips bucked up in response.  

“Wanna see your knot,” Louis whined out and then moaned when Harry shuffled his own pants past his hips without removing his mouth from Louis’ dick.  

Harry was hard and was at least four times the size it had been when Louis touched it last.  He supposed the same thing could be said of his own at that moment without the drugs shriveling it up.  Harry’s stood out proudly from low at the center of his pelvis and the curve of his knot was even more visible against the thatch of hair.  It bulbed out even without being popped and his curious fingers followed his curious eyes.

It felt warm against his hand when he gripped and squeezed it experimentally.  Harry moaned around his dick which made him moan in response. His senses were overwhelmed and his mind hazy.  It wasn’t as solid as he’d imagined it but it wasn’t soft either. Somewhere in between, it had just enough resistance to keep its shape.

Harry’s scent was so strong that even Louis could pick up on it, a rich mix between boy and man with the undertones of something Louis couldn’t quite pinpoint.  It was a good scent, though, that wrapped around him. His nostrils flared with each breath in and his eyes fell shut for what felt like the hundredth time that night.  

It was arousing and made his stomach tingle and his dick twitch and his insides feel all strange.  He thought of himself as an O again, getting wet over his alpha’s scent while his body begged for a knot.  

He came on that thought, dick spasming in Harry’s mouth unexpectedly with his name moaning off his tongue.  Whiting out for a second, he didn’t realize Harry’s knot was still in his fist until Harry started to thrust into his hand.  Concentrating his efforts, he squeezed and stroked and tried to touch him in a way he thought an alpha would like. He’d never jerked off anyone before, let alone an alpha, and he hoped he was doing it right.  

Harry’s hand closed around his as he came, knot popping weakly against their tight palms while he shot his load on the faded sheet draped over the couch.  Louis had figured he should be wary of the stains and now he knew that for a fact.

His knot didn’t feel quite as Louis had expected it to after it had popped either.  It still wasn’t a solid mass but rather a palpable piece of flesh that had some give but held its shape when squeezed.  It felt like soft skin on the outside, but Louis could feel the energy pulsing just under the surface. It was erectile tissue, just like his own dick, but required more blood to engorge it and then keep it inflated.  Louis could feel that pulse pumping beneath his fingers. It was fascinating and arousing at the same time.

Louis held it until it started to go down which wasn’t very long since the omega hormones weren’t surrounding it to keep it full.  It shrank like a balloon but the skin there didn’t go slack like he expected it to. It snapped back into shape just as his own dick did when flacid.  He watched it with unashamed attention and Harry didn’t seem to mind either– if he even noticed.

He was tired but not quite sleepy.  Harry had nuzzled up against his crotch again and he would have been trying to cover himself if anyone else in the room had even been paying attention.

He watched in the corner as a man attended a woman, resting her arm out across his lap as he tightened his belt around her upper arm and then leaned in closely to inspect the skin near her elbow.  He wondered what kind of medical condition she had that required shots and then sobered considerably when he saw her eyes roll back and her body slump against the wall. That injection hadn’t been a health requirement.  

What exactly was Captain Jack selling?  Or did he merely provide the space for them to do it?  

A loud knock at the door roused Harry from his lap with a yawn and a stretch.  He tucked himself back into his pants and stepped through the maze of bodies to get to the foyer.  The door creaked open, the sound of voices, the footfalls across the beat up hardwood floors. Louis could tell they were headed to the room Harry had taken him to that first night and he now understood Harry’s role as Captain Jack.  He did get everyone high. He was the one who doled out the drugs. He just might be Louis’ new best friend because of it.

So he found himself returning weekend after weekend, always finding Harry in various states of dress and consciousness.  Captain Jack’s ship sailed him off to an island secluded from his real life, off to a vacation from his oppressive reality.  Louis could barely make it through the week with the harsh comedowns and overwhelming anticipation. He left early each Sunday morning in the middle of a drop with an empty wallet and sense of dread flooding back into his body through the cracks he could never seem to patch.  

He’d even started buying an eighth off Harry each week just to get him through until the next.  He sat at home rolling poorly constructed joints and smoking them out on the back porch after everyone had gone to bed.  Afterwards, he snuck down to the basement and listened to his albums on the turntable that desperately needed a new needle and lost himself for hours until he woke again and hauled himself up to his always neatly made bed.   

There were also the ones he smoked in his car while he drove out into the middle of nowhere.  He had even tried to get Maggie to join him when she insisted he give her rides around town. The pretentious expression on her face had nearly made Louis laugh.  

“Are you high again?” she’d huffed with her hands on her hips when she walked up to his car while he waited for her in the parking lot.  

“Get in the car, Maggie,” he’d rolled his eyes as he raised the lit joint to his lips and took in a long purposeful lungful just to blow in her direction.  

That had taken care of that since she’d stopped calling him after.  He didn’t even care since Harry’s hand or his mouth always ended up on his cock at some point every weekend.  No reason putting up with the boyfriend act when he didn’t need to use her to get his dick wet anymore. She had become even less appealing to him, anyway.  He had no desire to put the effort into a fantasy to even get it up for her and then trying to hold on to it while he stuck it in. It just wasn’t what he wanted anymore.  He wondered if it ever had been.

Being with an alpha hadn’t been something he’d thought about for long, maybe Harry was even the one exception.  Harry’s knot and Harry’s potent scent were the only things filling his fantasies anymore. He’d never met an alpha that gave off pheromones strong enough for even his dull nose to pick up on.  His dick twitched as soon as he caught a whiff of it each time he entered the house and made him hard as soon as it hit him directly.

It was on another scale one night when he arrived at Harry’s after the party was already in full swing.  The strength of it nearly knocked him back onto the porch and sent his head spinning. He was almost sure he’d find The Captain already naked and fucking by how powerful and overwhelming it seemed to be.  

Harry was at his side in an instant, chest bare but loose linen pants sitting low on his hips.  

“Lemon,” he drawled out as he always did with his usual smirk and wink that made Louis blush and feel important to be singled out in a house packed full.  

Harry grasped his hand and led him through the thick crowd into what seemed to be Harry’s favourite room.  He always occupied the loveseat there and looked on as the rest of his guests smoked and shot up and fucked before him.  Louis was directed to sit in his usual spot at Harry’s side and wondered what it was that made him the queen to the king of this mess out of all the other courtiers.  

Harry sat forward on the edge of the loveseat but kept his hips against Louis’ thigh so they were still touching.  He was warm against Louis’ leg through the thin fabric and it spread through Louis’ body like a wildfire until his clothes felt heavy and stifling against his skin.  It quickly became too intense and he pulled off his polo– the yellow one he’d become fond of from his nickname– and let it fall carelessly to the floor.

There were always new tools and substances that Harry pulled out of nowhere and it was no different as Louis watched at his side.  He’d produced a square of mirrored glass and sat hunched over it with an expression of intense concentration. Louis wondered if Harry did this every day or if he had a day job he worked through the week when Louis wasn’t around.  It made him realize just how little he knew of Harry or his life outside the hours each weekend they spent together. If all the people Louis witnessed who came and went were paying for their kicks, he figured maybe Harry didn’t need to work.  It was hard to tell with so many things left unsaid. They sometimes spoke, but there was always a man behind the curtain that Louis didn’t get to see and he knew it.

Louis watched the reflection of metal in the mirror as Harry poured out a pile of white powder and began chopping at it in small motions with a loose razor blade.  He was precise and careful in his work and Louis couldn’t stop staring at his fingers. Those fingers had touched nearly every inch of his body and had been the source of so many new and amazing sensations.  He wasn’t even high yet and was eager to have them back on his skin.

Four long neat lines were left on the mirror once Harry was done and Louis sat up straight for instructions.  He was handed a paper straw cut down to a couple inches and his heart rate picked up with the nervousness he always felt right before trying something new.  

“Nuh uh,” Harry held his arm out to block him and then turned his palm up and waited.  

Louis should have known the routine by now but often his mind slipped from what their relationship really was.  He leaned to his side to pull out his wallet– the new one after his last had been stolen– and pulled out a few bills until Harry seemed satisfied and took the notes from his hand.  

“Don’t breathe out,” Harry instructed before leaning forward to demonstrate.  He held one nostril while holding the short straw to the other and sucked in and moved the straw along like a small vacuum until the first line of powder was gone.  His thumb stayed pressed against his nose while he sniffed hard a few times. He ran his finger along the place where his line had been and opened his mouth to swipe the leftover powder onto the inside of his lip.  His nose wrinkled as he sniffed again and then turned expectantly at Louis for him to do the same.

Louis always had the anxiety of making a fool of himself when it came to new drugs.  He tried to push down the feeling as he scooched onto the edge of the cushion and leaned forward.  Forgetting the warning, he pushed the air from his lungs to ready himself for the line and a few specks of powder blew across the mirror.  Harry seemed ready to abort Louis’ trial but stayed back as Louis leaned in again to mimic what Harry had done.

It felt strange as he sucked it up into his nose, not quite burning but not feeling good either.  He didn’t quite make it through the whole line on the first go but quickly leaned down to take the rest with another breath.  

He sat back and stared across the room as he obeyed his reflex to sniff and rub his nose.  It was a strange sensation and taste as it traveled down the back of his throat and through his saliva onto the surface of his tongue.  He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be feeling so he sat there while Harry bent to snort another line through his other nostril and then motioned for Louis to do the same.  

The second line was easier to snort but caused him to sneeze and his eyes to water.  His gag reflex threatened to trigger with the thick drip that slid down his throat after a few minutes and he swallowed against it several times.  

Harry picked up the traces of powder again with his finger and held the mirror to offer the same to Louis.  He shrugged but then went all in, pressing the pad of his finger to the stray substance and then rubbing it in his mouth.  The places it touched started to feel numb as did sections of his tongue and he poked around at those spots with it curiously.

Louis was glad he had already removed his shirt since he continued to feel uncomfortably warm and his racing heart didn’t help.  His focus grew sharper and his perspective morphed to make him feel small where he sat on the loveseat. There was suddenly so many things going on around him and his sense of anxiety spiked while an equally intense flood of euphoria balanced it out to leave him in a strange state of hyper-awareness.  

Harry was twitchy at his side, fingers tapping on his bouncing knees and eyes darting around to follow movement around the room.   Louis reached out to rest a hand on top of his when the motion became too much for him to handle and Harry looked over to him with blown pupils and flared nostrils.  

“Lemon,” Harry nearly growled and Louis wondered if Harry even remembered his real name.  Probably not.

Harry made a dive for Louis’ neck and latched on to suck at his pulsepoint.  It made him go limp into the cushions and a pathetic whimper left his throat.  An alpha on a mission, Harry rooted around against his neck like a hog searching for food, scenting him with noisy breaths up around his ear and down to the junction of his shoulder.  

“Fuck, Lemon.  You smell so fucking good,” he growled and his hands tried to roam everywhere all at once.  

Louis had started to sweat as his core temperature spiked.  His heart raced even faster in response and it felt like he was approaching an anxiety attack of full scale magnitude.  His vision grew blurry around the edges and he squeezed his eyes shut against the dizzying feeling.

Desperately hard in his jeans, Louis’ hands flew down to get the constricting denim off, breathing heavy in a panic that he wouldn’t be able to get them off fast enough.  He’d been horny many times in his life but it had never before felt so urgent. He wasn’t sure if he liked the effects of this drug.

The fabric stuck to his sweat sticky legs and made it difficult to get them free, his shoes hindering the process once they had finally been pushed down to his ankles.  Harry eventually had to step in and help when Louis became so frantic he nearly elbowed him in the face.

A strange clench of muscle and then a surge of wetness made Louis’ eyes go wide.  He was sure he’d just shit himself and froze without knowing what to do. Harry stared down at him with a new intensity that Louis thought to be rage and he cowered back into the corner of the sofa.

Harry’s nostrils flared in a twitching pattern and his jaw clenched tight enough to make his jawline look even sharper than it already was.  

“OUT!” Harry suddenly gritted out in a strained command.  Louis was paralyzed with fear that he was being kicked out for what had happened and stared up with wide eyes.  

Everything in the room had stopped and all eyes had turned to them with Harry’s outburst but Louis barely noticed.  He watched as Harry rose to his full commanding height and his expression threw fire around the room.

“I SAID OUT!” he commanded again in his alpha voice that made Louis recoil.  

The noise of people scrambling was immediate and Louis knew he needed to move as well but he couldn’t get his body to obey his brain.  Harry stood tall with his hands clenched into fists at his sides. Louis could see bulging veins running over his tight muscles in patterns up to his shoulder and over his neck.

Another rush of wetness pulsed out of him and he knew he needed to leave before he completely ruined the couch.  It took a tremendous amount of concentration and effort, but finally he was able to get his body to move.

A hand darted out to motion Louis to stay without glancing back at him and fear shot through him that Harry’s fury was about to be released upon him once there were no witnesses.  

The room cleared quickly as everyone scattered, the eventual silence punctuated by the final slam of the front door.   Harry walked out into the foyer to turn the heavy deadbolts into place and then stalked back to Louis with an unreadable expression of intensity.  

“Lemon.”  

The alpha voice made something surge deep within him and he whimpered in response.  His body was burning up and his dick was throbbing and the wetness was spreading out underneath him at a rapid pace.  

Harry growled as he stooped, grabbed a fistful of Louis’ hair and forcefully yanked his head to the side to expose his neck.  He ran his nose up and into Louis’ hairline, huffing and sniffing out so loudly that it reminded Louis of a horse.

“Should knot you right here for coming here in heat,” Harry snarled and tightened his grip.

“No,” Louis whined in a generic protest since he couldn’t form the words for a denial.  He wasn’t in heat– he was a beta. A normal, boring beta. Despite his attraction to an alpha and the omega fantasies that had played out in his head, he wasn’t one.  He’d been a beta since birth. He never presented any different. The drugs Harry had given him had to be giving off a scent that Louis’ body didn’t normally produce. It was all just an illusion.  

But Harry had taken it the same as him.  

Louis squirmed in his grip which only made him more aware of the slick pooling beneath him.  It couldn’t be slick though, could it?

Louis keened when Harry growled against his neck and his eyes rolled back with the pleasure of prompted submission.  He couldn’t even explain his own body’s reactions and couldn’t fight them either.

“Bet you’d like that, Lemon.  Huh? Bend you right over this couch and fuck you until you beg for my knot?  Probably showed up here looking for an audience, didn’t you? Wanted everyone to see how desperate you are for my knot.”  

Harry’s voice rumbled and sent vibrations quivering through his body from where the soundwaves touched his skin.  He whimpered and his thoughts ran together until he wasn’t sure what was fantasy and what was the reality of what he really wanted.  For the first time he thought of Harry bending him over and fucking into him until he screamed and another surge of slick gushed from his body.  It made him moan and tremble with need. He didn’t have time to be confused about it.

“Rather see you present just for me, though.  Watch you writhe for it a bit.”

Harry pulled at his grip on Louis’ hair until they were both standing and then he was marching Louis out of the room ahead of him towards the stairs.  Louis had never been to the upper level of the house. He wasn’t sure if anyone had. It was Harry’s private living quarters and everyone seemed to know and respect that as an unspoken rule.  

He only stumbled a few times with Harry’s hand on his and his solid form was behind him to keep him steady each time.  He could feel Harry’s erection poke against him through his thin pants when he swayed backwards and he moaned in need.

They reached the doorway of a room at the end of the hallway and Louis didn’t even have a chance to look around before he was being roughly thrown down onto a mattress on the floor.  It was a nice thick mattress with soft pillow top but lacked box springs or a bed frame or even proper bedding. It was at least covered by a sheet with a balled up comforter pushed to the side against the wall and several pillows haphazardly strewn around it.  

The dizziness overtook him again for a moment and he closed his eyes to gain his bearings.  The thick scent of alpha was clinging to the bedding pressed against his nose and he whimpered and turned his face into the source.  

It was hard to keep his train of thought with the pheromones growing thick in the room and he wondered if any of the effects of the drug would be permanent.  He couldn’t focus on those questions when his senses were demanding his attention. Touch and smell seemed to be the only ones functioning properly as he rubbed his cheek against the soft blanket and inhaled in long, lung-filling pulls.  

He reached down to grip his hard cock and whined when it didn’t feel right to touch himself.  

It took him a while to focus long enough to remember that the source of the scent was there with him and a needy cry ripped out of him.  He wanted to search it out but was reluctant to lift his head from the blankets that already smelled so good. He didn’t want to leave the comforting nest he was in the process of rubbing his body over.  He wanted his alpha to come to him.

Louis called out for his alpha with a desperate whimper and let out a dry sob for his abandonment.  He’d shuffled around enough to turn his body just a bit to catch movement out of the corner of his eye and then stilled.  

Harry– alpha – had shed his pants and lounged back on a red bean bag chair with his knees bent and feet planted flat on the floor.  His thighs were spread wide and one of his large hands was stroking his erection and staring at Louis on the bed with so much focused energy that Louis felt he might combust.  

He whined for him again and felt himself shatter when Harry stayed put.  He wasn’t good enough for his alpha. His alpha didn’t want him. The painful clench of rejection left him feeling gutted and he sobbed into the blanket where he pressed his face.  

“ Alpha ,” he begged and rutted his dick into the mattress.  

A few more thrusts of his hips and he knew that it didn’t feel right.  He walked his knees up under him while his shoulders and face stayed pressed against the bedding.  His knees inched further apart, his back arched and then—

Louis moaned when everything clicked into place.  The air hit his wet hole exposed between his cheeks and his dick and balls hung down where they swung free in a gentle motion and the head tapped against his angled stomach.  He shifted his hips to feel that movement again and felt his hole flutter.

“That’s it,” his alpha murmured from somewhere behind him and his back arched further in response.  

There Louis was– a beta presenting eagerly for his alpha.  But he wasn’t a beta in that moment though, was he?

Whatever Harry had given him pushed his body and his mind to new limits and he burned with the need forced upon him.  Harry had turned him into this mess and was denying Louis the only thing he desperately needed.

“Like a blind puppy,” Harry mumbled and trailed his fingers lightly over the top of Louis’ cheeks.  “This virgin O display has me almost convinced.”

Louis whined and wondered why Harry would question himself.  Louis was a beta. Of course he’d never taken a knot. He hadn’t even known there were things out there that could make him feel and act as if he were omega.  

His hole clenched when Harry’s thumb slid over it through his slick.  The teasing was too much when all he wanted was something to push its way inside.  He thrust his hips back against the touch and was rewarded when there was pressure and then his thumb had pressed in.  

“Fuck,” Harry hissed and squeezed a handful of Louis’ cheeks in each hand and spread him apart.  

The heat of Harry’s body draping over him should have been too much in his overheated state, but he welcomed it.  There was an aura that came with Harry’s sent that hugged around him in a pleasant bubble that settled him. The heat of the tip of Harry’s cock was shock to his slick cooled hole and Harry rubbed it around in circles until it started to press inside.  

Even though Louis had been begging for his alpha, he hadn’t stopped to consider what having his alpha’s knot actually entailed until it was already happening.  Harry grunted above him as he tried to to fuck his cock into him with small jolting thrusts against the resistance. He sounded actually frustrated for a few moments until Louis’ body opened up and sucked him in to the stem.  They both gasped and moaned at the sudden sensation, the swell of Harry’s unpopped knot sinking past the rim.

It ached deep into his core rather than hurt, his body both welcoming and fighting the intrusion in a flutter of muscles that left him breathless.  Harry’s fingers gripped tightly around his hip, the other hand bracing himself as he panted over Louis.

It could have ended right there and Louis still would have been satisfied, but then it moved.  Harry pulled back a fraction of an inch and pushed back in, Louis shaking against him as his legs threatened to buckle.  And then he did it again, each growing larger until his knot slipped out and then stretched its way back in. Louis had never felt anything like it.  

They were soon meeting each other’s hips with skin slapping into skin and balls colliding and, if Louis thought he was wet before, it was nothing compared to the slick running down his thighs.  The mattress slammed against the baseboard with their thrusts and the moment stretched out on loop for so long that Louis wasn’t sure if they had been pounding into each other for hours or minutes.  

Finally Harry rose up on his knees and grabbed Louis’ hips and thrust into him so fast and so hard that Louis bit his tongue and felt the beginnings of rug burn on his face.  

His knot caught, pulled and then Harry fell forward with a gasp and they were locked together while Harry started to come buried deep inside him.  Harry shuttering above Louis and the press of his knot had Louis coming all over the blanket they’d been on.

Harry slowly slid them until he was settled between Louis’ thighs with his arms wrapped around him.  Rooting his nose around Louis’ hairline and rubbing his face affectionately over his neck, Harry gave out a little laugh.  

“I’m so fucking high.  Gonna last for ages, feels sooo good.”

Louis had never felt so sated in his life and melted into the soft bedding beneath the weight of the alpha.  Louis remembered then why they were in this position in the first place. His head felt more clear but his body was still clenching around Harry’s knot.

“What did you give me?” Louis asked, the edge of anger rising in him as he had a chance to realize what had happened.  

Harry mumbled against him and Louis could hear the smugness in his voice, “Gave you my knot is what I gave you.”  

“No, what was in that powder?”

“It was just some blow, why?”

Harry lifted his head enough to look down at the side of his face.

“With some sort of hormone in it?”  Louis’ voice had a bite to it now.

“What?  No? Why the fuck would I give you hormones?”

“So you could fuck me like an O.”

“Excuse me?  There are plenty of O’s around if you haven’t noticed.  I don’t need to slip you a heat inducer just to get my knot wet.”  Harry was holding himself up as far as he could while they were still tied together, face set in anger.  “I thought you came here in heat wanting me to fuck you through it!”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Louis tried to crawl away but the knot tugged painfully when he pulled too hard.

“It means you came here in heat and took your clothes off for me!  What was I supposed to think!”

“Only because of whatever you gave me!”

Harry pulled at their tie and they both moaned, Harry nearly collapsing back on top of him.  

“Fuck,” Harry cursed and started to rock his hips back into him again.  Louis moaned and pressed back in response, everything feeling so amazing even if the anger still burned under the surface.  It could wait.

The ache started to open up inside Louis again and he fucked back onto Harry’s knot like his own personal sex toy.  Harry didn’t seem to mind and wrapped an arm under Louis’ hips to lift him off the mattress just enough to really grind into him.  

When Louis came again, Harry positioned them on their sides and nuzzled his nose into Louis’ hair.  

///

“Are you on suppressants?”

Harry’s mumbled voice pulled him out of a daze that hadn’t been sleep but might as well have been.  Time had passed and the pressure against his insides was considerably less so he figured Harry would be able to pull out soon.  Louis wasn’t sure he wanted him to.

“Why would I need suppressants?”

“Because I just knotted you for like three days?”  

Louis rolled his eyes.  There was no way it had been three days– he didn’t think, anyway.  He also didn’t know why it mattered.

“So?”

Harry let out an exasperated sigh, irritation clearly edging its way in.  “So I’m not looking to have a kid right now?

“Okay, and??”

He sighed and pulled back, deflated knot slipping free.  He got up and went across to his dresser and rummaged through for a moment before coming back and sitting down on the low mattress in front of Louis.  

“Open,” he prompted with something between his fingers.  Louis obeyed though he should have asked more questions. “Let this dissolve under your tongue.”  

He let Harry press the little pill into his mouth and it immediately tasted bitter.

“Wait, is this more hormone shit?”

“Jesus Christ!  I didn’t give you anything!”  

Harry rolled his eyes and stomped out of the room.  Louis was left alone to stare out the doorway after him, too exhausted to move.  He’d never felt so drained after having sex.

Three days.  Louis froze.

Bits and pieces started to flood back to him of the many times and positions Harry had knotted him.  Louis had begged, sobbed for it. He’d been so wet. The vague memory of the rise and fade of natural light made him think that maybe Harry hadn’t been exaggerating.  Whatever Harry had given him had sent him into a full blown heat. He’d never heard of such a thing.

When Harry didn’t return, Louis started to look around the room in detail for the first time.  It was not glamourous in any way, shape or form. The curtains on the window were faded through and frayed at the edges and the curtain rod itself was hanging lopsided.  There were tissues and condom wrappers littering the floor, most of it concentrated in one corner where a trash can was probably buried beneath, long past the point of needing to be taken out.  

Since the mattress was on the floor, it wasn’t very practical to have a night table so a broken lamp sat directly on the floor in the small space before the dresser rose against the wall.  There was also a catch all tray there with pennies and lighters and a glass ashtray filled with leftover roaches. There were also condoms tucked in along the side and Louis took one between his fingers and wondered why Harry hadn’t used any with him.  Louis probably would have demanded it had his head been a little more clear, but he didn’t regret it. Feeling Harry knot and then come deep within him had been so highly satisfying that he wasn’t sure he’d like it with a condom barrier catching all his seed.  He’d never had it any other way, he supposed. It probably wasn’t a judgement he could make without the experience to compare it to.

There were discarded clothes covering most of the floor and Louis wondered if that was a reason why Harry was never wearing much.  His dorm room had looked similar without his mother tidying up and doing his laundry.

Louis sprawled out on the mattress and stared up at the textured ceiling and the broken light fixture that left just the bulbs exposed.  It was a nice house that just needed a little love and sprucing up, Louis decided.

His skin was starting to itch and feel tight and he could only imagine what fluids and substances he was coated in.  He’d never wanted a shower more in his life.

He became restless as his skin started to crawl and he was on the verge of skinning himself when he finally got up to find a shower on his own.  Not caring if Harry would be mad, he went down the hallway peeking in doors until he found the room he remembered like a fuzzy dream.

The surfaces in the room were dull and in need of a good cleaning but the shower seemed decent and a line of shampoo and body wash bottles were lined up along the side.  He reached in to turn on the water and was disappointed when the temperature didn’t climb much higher than warm. The crud had gathered on his skin so thickly that he needed the hot spray to melt it away.  

Any shower was a shower and he stepped in anyway.  Every bottle lining the edge was nearly empty, air farting through the last dregs of soap until Louis had gathered enough in his palm from a mixture of all the bottles.  The blending scents made his stomach roll and clench in on itself and its emptiness. He hadn’t realized he was starved.

He made quick work of washing off since the water grew colder and then stood on the slippery surface and wondered what to do next.  There hadn’t been the foresight to search for a towel and he shivered while he tried to shake as much off his skin as he could.

It should have been embarrassing to have Harry find him in such a state, but Louis was too cold to care.  He took the towel handed to him and wiped himself down while his teeth chattered.

“Here.  Eat this.”  

He looked down at Harry’s extended hand to see a piece of messily buttered bread but took it like the last food on earth.  His stomach rumbled in appreciation as he let Harry help him step out of the tub.

“Shouldn’t be showering alone so soon after a heat.  You should know that by now,” Harry muttered, shaking his head as he helped to dry him off.  

“How am I supposed to know that?  I’ve never had anything like a heat until you gave me…. whatever it was that you gave me.”  

“God DAMN it, Lemon!” Harry slammed his palm down on the bathroom counter and Louis froze in surprise.  “The only thing I gave you probably just made you unable to control yourself as long! I snorted the same lines that you did!”

“Then how else do you explain it!” Louis screamed back at him and threw one of the empty shampoo bottles down against the tile just because the tension suddenly felt explosive enough for him to do it.  It bounced anticlimactically and then rolled to a stop but neither paid attention.

“You went into fucking heat!  I don’t know! Maybe you missed a suppressant or something?  All I know is that you came here rubbing your scent all over me, slicked up my couch and then begged me to knot you until you woke up this morning!”  

Harry was angry and the only thing that stopped Louis from trembling in fear was the fact that they were both still naked and it was slightly distracting.  

Louis shook his head and rubbed his fingers into his eye sockets until all he saw was television fuzz.  

“Something must have–  Someone must have slipped me something.  I’m not O.”

“Your ass says otherwise,” Harry snorted out a scoff and crossed his arms over his chest.  “Look, I don’t know what kind of game you’re trying to play here, but if you’re trying to manipulate me for some reason you can get the fuck out right now.  I don’t have time for your scams or drama and I am definitely not going to let you pin some heat rape case against me. I’ll pull the video if I have to.”

“Video?  You have video?? ”

“You think I wouldn’t with the amount of shit I have in this house?”

“What do you have in thi– You know what, nevermind.  I’m not saying you heat raped me or whatever, but there was something that made me feel like I was in heat in the first place.”  

“BECAUSE YOU WERE IN HEAT!”  Harry threw his hands up and then turned to stalk down the hallway.  “Go back to biology!” he called back.

Louis stood in the middle of the bathroom in confusion before wrapping the towel around his waist and rushing after him.  It took several vacant rooms before his search found Harry in the locked room Louis hadn’t been in since that first night.  He was sat at a small desk angrily chopping at something in front of him. It was not the delicate process it had been when Louis had watched him before but the end result was the same when Harry leaned forward to snort up a thick line.  Another disappeared up his nostrils seconds later and the softening of his posture was almost immediate.

He sniffed and sank back into the wooden chair while Louis looked on and wondered again if this was Harry’s day to day life.  

“Come’ere, Lemon,” Harry gestured him over.  

He observed Harry as he crossed the small room and realized he had been around him enough to pick up on the twitches and tweaks of his face that changed depending on the drug he was on.  The coke made him a little jumpy and restless, his leg already bouncing until he pulled Louis down into his lap and back against his chest.

“Lemonnn,” Harry whined and slid his large hands around to spread over Louis’ stomach and then down beneath the towel.  

His dick hadn’t been hard but showed a hint of interest when Harry started to rub him everywhere.  His arms were long enough to slid one hand down between Louis’ legs, curving around until the tips of his fingers were circling his hole.  His hole that wasn’t dry even after his shower.

“I’m starting to think you really were a virgin O,” Harry muttered as his fingers gathered the wetness there to bring up to Louis’ cock.  “So tight and rooting around like you didn’t know what to do with yourself, whining for your alpha.”

Louis’ body responded even after the drastic change in Harry’s mood and demeanor.  His dick perked up under Harry’s slick wet fingers and his empty hole clenched. Harry’s other hand took a route up his stomach and then the center of his chest, trailing over to circle his swollen nipple.  The touch had Louis moaning and bucking his hips up into Harry’s hand. They were so sensitive, something Louis had never before realized about himself.

“Still so puffy after your heat,” Harry mumbled and sucked right where Louis’ bonding spot would be, hard enough to make him go weak.  “Such a pliant little O when you want to be.”

Louis whimpered with that omega fantasy slipping back into his head.  Harry’s scent was still so strong he was drowning in it and influencing him like a drug of its own.  

“Sit on my cock again for me, Lemon,” Harry patted his hips gently, “Want to watch you sink down and take me.”

Louis hardly had a say as Harry lifted him and then nestled the head of his dick right against his wet hole.  It wasn’t forced, Louis’ body still craved it even if he didn’t understand why.

“Look at that, so fucking wet for me,” Harry was chattering over Louis’ shoulder, spouting off all kinds of praise and encouragement and downright filthy things in that deep drawling voice that settled pleasantly in Louis’ head.  

His dick slid in easy and Louis held his breath until he was fully seated in Harry’s lap.  It made him feel so full. The thick length stretched him out just enough to put pressure on every sensitive surface inside his body.  

Harry held his hips in place and mouthed over the junction where his neck met his shoulder and caused more shivers to run through his body.  

“Want it to feel better, Lemon?” Harry asked and reached over to the desk.  He fumbled around for a few seconds before he raised the square of mirror in front of Louis with another line neatly spread out over the surface.  

Louis took the straw and didn’t hesitate to snort it up in one go.  He felt proud of himself for catching on so quickly.

The rush coincided with the first movements of his hips that gave the high an extra bump.  He moaned and leaned himself back against Harry’s chest as he rocked back and forth and then found a circling grind that felt even better.  

The unique smell and taste lingered and he decided that he liked it just like everything else that reminded him of Harry.  A part of him had been wary of partaking after what had happened the time before, but he didn’t lose himself as he had the first time.  His mind stayed crisp and sharp and it made the sex even better. It was strange to want something that hadn’t even been on his radar. Louis was always the one doing the fucking and he hadn’t even considered it the other way.  With Harry buried deep, he wondered if he’d still crave it once Harry had moved on, wondered if it was something he’d seek out again or if it would just remain a pleasurable memory.

“Gonna knot you again,” Harry growled after they’d been grinding together for ages.  Louis had lost his thoughts to the sustained height of pleasure and wouldn’t have minded living the rest of his life on the same plain.  

He felt and paid attention to the whole experience this time, the stretch and pull of his body, the gush of slick and the way he came hard when Harry’s teeth indented his skin at the bonding point just enough to not break through.  His reaction to that was surprising, but it felt too good to even care.

His heart thudded in his chest, his blood pumped hot and he couldn’t stop himself from rocking down against the knot that held them together.  Harry hummed against his shoulder and wrapped his arms around Louis’ middle.

“You spoil me, Lemon,” Harry mumbled and rested his cheek against Louis’ shoulder.  

Louis’ whole body was buzzing and every inch felt amazing.  

Harry leaned over to cut them more lines after a few minutes and they both snorted a couple to pass time while they were still tied.  

“Is this a kink of yours?  Roleplaying with betas?”

Harry snorted out a laugh against his neck.  “No need to, Lemon. You’re all O.”

“You keep saying that but I’m not—” Louis’ words cut off and he stared forward with unfocused eyes.  His ass was still wet. His nipples were sensitive. The spot on his shoulder still throbbed where he had been mock bonded and Harry’s scent was overwhelmingly powerful around him.  But he wasn’t—

“Do I smell like an O?” Louis asked just barely keeping his frantic state in check.  

“‘Course you do,” Harry’s nose nuzzled into his hair in confirmation.  

“Oh god.  Oh my god.”

Louis grabbed a fistful of his hair and let his head fall back onto Harry’s shoulder since there was nowhere else he could go.  He stared up at the yellowed ceiling with watery eyes and tried to latch on to the thoughts racing through his head so quickly that it was sending him into a panic attack.  

“Calm down, Lemon, you’re freaking me out.”

Harry sounded worried for the first time.  He pinched the muscle below Louis’ bonding spot and the calming effect of it spiked Louis panic over what good it would have done.  That would have had no effect on a beta which just cemented his fears.

Louis was going to throw up.  

He’d just had his first heat in a strange house with an alpha that didn’t even remember his real name while they were fucked up on drugs Louis had never taken before.  Louis didn’t even know Harry’s last name or if Harry even was his real first name after only being given his street name at the start.

He’d been so high that he hadn’t even recognized it as his first heat, had blamed Harry for his body’s reaction.  He really had lost days being fucked and knotted. He’d let Harry give him some type of birth control without a second thought.

They were still tied together even at that very moment.  

“Shit, did you really not know?” Harry asked when his lungs started to burn from hyperventilating.  Louis shook his head and grasped at his throat. It felt like he was drowning.

“Calm down!” Harry’s alpha voice cut through and at least the physical manifestations of his attack were abruptly halted.  

“We got you through it though, didn’t we Lemon,” Harry’s voice was syrupy against his ear and his hands gently stroked his stomach.  “Such a good omega for me for your first time. Never had anyone so tight before but you still took my knot so well.”

Harry slid his hand down between their legs again and stroked the place where they were still knotted together.  It made Louis shiver.

“Smelled you the first time you came through the door.  Would have fucked you that night if I had taken anything else.”

Louis was in shock.  His body was still clenching around Harry’s knot while the bomb exploded and left everything he’d known about himself in tattered ruins.  He was too old to present, even for a late bloomer. It had to be some effect of the drugs he’d taking. It was the only explanation. It had to be.  

“You’re stressing me out,” Harry said with a hint of annoyance and pulled out as soon as his knot had gone down enough to allow it.  

He sat Louis down in the chair while he went rummaging for something.  Louis could feel the come and slick dripping out of his body onto the seat beneath him and tried to concentrate on that feeling instead of everything else zipping through his brain.  It didn’t work well.

Harry came back and knelt at his side, turning Louis’ palm face up on his thigh.  

“You can pay me later,” he said as he wrapped something tightly around Louis’ upper arm.  

Louis finally looked down at him as he pulled the safety cap of a syringe off with his teeth and pulled his arm closer.  He searched Louis’ arm and then slid the needle in with an expertise that made a cold chill run down Louis’ spine. The prick hardly registered and he stared as his own blood pulled back into the barrel of the syringe and then the push of the plunger that sent him flying.   

A weird smile stuck on his face and his eyelids grew heavy.  His body melted back into the chair and he nearly fell off like a ragdoll.  Harry caught him but cursed, the tie wrapped around his own arm and needle poised to sink into his own skin.  

The best part was that his mind had gone blank.  Louis knew there were things he should be upset about.  Every one of them had been erased, a brilliant form of amnesia.  

“Damn it, Lemon!  I can’t do this if you’re hanging on me,” Harry bit out angrily, shoving his shoulder into Louis’ side to make him sit straighter in the chair.  

He looked down at the tiny spot of blood left behind on his own arm and lazily slid his finger through it.  It spread over his skin like the slide of butter on a slice of bread and he laughed in amusement.

Harry leaned his head back onto Louis’ thigh and the syringe clattered to the hardwood floor, a deafening noise in the small room.  

They didn’t talk.  Louis’ fingers played with Harry’s hair and the come continued to leak out of his ass.

///

The sun was hanging low in the sky when Louis woke up alone and naked on the cold hardwood floor.  The house was eerily quiet as he got up and massaged his temples against the dizziness that came over him.  

He found his rumpled clothes in the main room and then ran to the bathroom to dry heave over the toilet.  Nothing came up but a trickle of bile that burned his throat. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten or had anything to drink and his twisting stomach confirmed that it had been a while.  He felt clammy while his body shook, planting each step firmly before he trusted his body to hold him up.

After roaming the house once his stomach had accepted its state, he found it deserted.  He’d never been in the house alone. Not knowing what to do and with no idea of Harry’s whereabouts, he left to find something to eat and stop off home for some fresh clothes.  

Thankfully his car was still parked on the curb but a stack of white parking tickets stuck out from under the windshield wiper and he groaned.  At least they hadn’t towed it yet. He shoved them into his glove compartment and set off towards the McDonald’s he’d driven by a handful of times on his way back home.  

He still had his wallet this time but found it empty as he sat in the parking lot.  Figured. His forehead clunked against the steering wheel with his wallet clenched in his fist and his jaw just as tight.  He knew the drugs came with a price tag but didn’t like the fact that anyone would just help themselves to his cash. It wasn’t the first time he’d found his wallet empty either.  

His bad luck continued when he pulled up to his house and saw his father’s Buick parked in the driveway.  It would have been so easy to pull away and take a drive until it was missing again, but Louis was too exhausted for that.  He wanted a long shower, wanted his own bed, clean clothes.

The moment he opened the door he knew he should have at least waited until everyone was in bed.  The other three members of his family were at the dinner table and all eyes turned to him when he made his entrance.  

“Where the fuck have you been,” his father growled from the head of the table, his alpha timbre sending shivers through Louis’ body.  It didn’t affect him as much as Harry’s had but still triggered an anxious response.

“Just out,” Louis snapped.  He made up for his anxiety with bravado and kept his head high and shoulders squared.  It was no different than any other time he’d had it out with his father even if everything had changed.  

“You’ve been gone almost a week!  Your mother contacted the police.”

“I’m an adult.  It shouldn’t matter if I want to go out for a few days.”  

Louis set his jaw and headed for the stairs.  If he could just get past everyone for a shower and fresh clothes It would be easier to face what was coming to him.  He might even be able to sneak some scent neutralizers out of the master bath before that happened and no one would be the wiser.  

He’d just reached the bottom step when something caught hold of his shirt and yanked  him back. He stumbled and lost his footing but the grip on his shirt kept him upright, the collar pressing uncomfortably against his throat.  It felt like he couldn’t breath and clawed at the neckline while he struggled to gain his balance.

“Where the fuck have you been,” his father growled and yanked him up to his chest.  “You smell like a fucking knot-hole. No son of mine bends over for some loose-tie breeder so you better get your story straight.”

He pushed Louis away from him hard enough that he stumbled to the floor.  He went down hard on his hip and hissed at the weight on the deep bruises Harry had left there.  Trying to scramble away, his father was right there to block him against the wall once he was back on his feet.  

“You smell like some alpha’s bitch,” his father leaned in closer and then sneered.  At such close range Louis was sure his father could see the bruises and hickeys Harry had left visible over his neck.   “I should have known you’d end up as a pussy ass. You always were more than useless. Get the fuck out of my house.”

“Gerald, please.”  His mother spoke up in a rare moment of rationality or perhaps stupidity.  

“Don’t speak to me like that,” his father rounded on her, his alpha voice making them both cower.  “I have had enough of this freeloading O taking advantage of this family. It stops now. Who knows how long he’s been hiding it and what kind of trash he’s been bending over for.”  

The whole room was frozen until his father’s hand came down hard on the table.  It snapped the room into motion and Louis scrambled up the stairs to his room with loud clatters and clashes behind him.  

He grabbed a bag from his closet and began to stuff it full of items from his drawers.  He found the wad of cash he’d been holding on to and shoved it into the pocket of his jeans where hopefully it wouldn’t be detected.  He’d been hoarding it for a while, waiting for a rainy day.

Running across the hallway, he dug through his parents closet to get to the small safe there and opened it with the combination that was comprised of their birthdates.  Very clever. He snatched another handful of cash and shoved everything back in front of it so the theft wouldn’t immediately be detected.

The bag was heavy as he threw it over his shoulder and thundered down the stairs.  

His mother had disappeared into the kitchen, sister nowhere to be seen and his father standing just outside of the sliding glass patio doors.  He was clutching at his chest and stumbling but Louis couldn’t spare him another moment.

Throwing the bag into the backseat, he started the engine of his car and squealed his tires on the pavement.  His heart was pounding in his chest and he pushed the gas so hard that his speed jumped well over the posted limit in seconds.  He didn’t even care. Nothing could get him out of there fast enough.

The sun was setting and casting long shadows across the road as he sped off nowhere.  There really wasn’t a real place that he could go. There were no friends he could seek asylum with, no family members that would take the risk of harbouring him.  None of them probably would either after they realized what he was.

He couldn’t even think of any omega shelters in the area that would take him in.  

So he found himself heading back into the city.  He couldn’t assume that Harry would let him stay, but at the very least Harry would give him a bump to quiet his mind for at least a little  while. He was already craving the white out the needle in his arm had given him earlier, a temporary solution to everything.

The house wasn’t dark when Louis approached.  The windows were lit with dim lights and on the front porch stood several people leaning against the railing with cigarettes dangling from their fingers.  He bummed one off one of the swaying women and tucked himself into one of the corners where a few of the rungs had been broken out of the railing to observe while he filled his lungs.  

He’d never noticed the constant stream of people that came and went from the house before.  There were always people around, but he’d always seen them as figures inside instead of passers through.  He wondered just how big Captain Jack’s operation of peddling drugs really was and how widely it spread. So concentrated on his own highs, he’d never really thought of it on that scale.  

His throat was scratchy when he finally threw the butt of his cigarette over the railing into the bushes and made his way inside.  The house was full of strange smells he’d never noticed before with one underlying scent clinging to everything. It made sense that Harry’s would stand out to him amongst a bunch of strangers, but it was an experience he’d never had before.  The mixing aromas made him dizzy and nauseated and overwhelmed.

It grew stronger the further he went into the house and followed its path until he was at the french doors of the room he’d found Captain Jack in on his first night.  The occupants were naked again and Harry was right there in the middle of them.

Up on his knees, Harry was thrusting into a young woman with long dark hair that fell into a curtain that hid her face while it was buried into the crotch of another.  

“Lemon, you’re back,” Harry panted without stopping.  

Louis stared as the heat of jealousy rose through his body from his toes to the tips of his ears.  He didn’t like the sight of his alpha potentially mating with someone that wasn’t him.

But Harry wasn’t his alpha– not officially, anyway.  Still the attachment was there and the urge to maul the girl and take her place was strong.  He clenched his teeth to resist. He had no claim over Harry. They hadn’t even bonded during his heat.  

He convinced himself it was just lingering remnants of emotions from Harry being his first and wove his way through the bodies to the loveseat he’d spent so much time on.  He stripped his clothes off and helped himself to the unlit joint left on the table. It would have been helpful to have something stronger, something to help erase his mind, but he took what he could get in the moment.  

Avoiding Harry’s stare, he leisurely smoked his way through the joint on his own until it was short enough that the cherry threatened to burn his fingertips.  He’d outgrown the high of weed alone fairly quickly after having a taste of everything else, but it still took the edge off.

Slouching down against the cushions, he took himself in hand and started to stroke when he found Harry’s gaze burning through him from across the room.  His pupils looked huge even from where Louis sat so he was sure something other than weed was pumping through him. He’d learned his tells.

Someone crawled between Louis’ knees and took over for him, a warm mouth sinking down his shaft only a moment later.  He watched as Harry’s nostrils flared and his jaw set in anger. He slammed into the girl hard enough to make their skin slap without breaking his intense eye contact with Louis.  

Making a show of moaning, Louis finally broke the connection by throwing his head back, fisting the hair on the head of the person he had yet to even look down at.  It wasn’t an alpha, he could scent that out for sure. It also made it obvious to Louis that all of the sex he’d had before Harry had been mediocre at best. The warm wet tongue felt good but was nothing without the flood of pheromones triggering his body.  The room was filled with them but none aimed directly at him and that made all the difference. It still kept him on edge and he thrust up into the heat, rolling his own nipples between his fingers for more stimulation.

Harry had no claim over him either and no say over whose mouth had permission to suck him.  Still, the possessive growl the alpha let out vibrated across the room and made the hairs on the back of his neck tingle.  

The scent of another alpha moving closer caused Louis to open his eyes and stare at the stranger crawling up onto the couch.  He’d yet to shower so Harry’s scent and his claim in the form of his come that had oozed from his hole made this alpha more aggressive when making his intentions clear.  Louis wasn’t bonded which left him vulnerable to virile alphas staking out the right to mate which is exactly what this alpha was after. It wasn’t something he would have normally had to worry about in their culture, but the rules didn’t apply within the walls of Captain Jack’s where intoxication was the price of admission.

The mouth was ripped away from his dick and his body was thrown over the arm of the sofa with his ass up in the air.  He had a moment of shame that his crack was probably crusted with left over slick and come but it passed quickly when fingers were shoved into his hole and fresh slick began to coat them.  He preened under the attention of an alpha by arching his back and raising his hips to present. It was easy to forgot all about making Harry jealous when the tip of the alpha’s cock slid against his hole and then pressed inside.  

Louis mind floated away to leave his body to sort out the physical sensations of sex with a strange alpha.  Not being used to the senses and functions of an omega, it felt like someone else’s body being used instead of his own.  

A loud growl startled the whole room and Louis’ eyes flew open just as the body above him was ripped off and thrown to the ground.  The coffee table was overturned in a struggle of naked alpha’s wrestling on the floor and Louis looked on helplessly as he recognized the other alpha as Harry.  

The others in the room scrambled towards the walls as they rolled, Harry obviously having the upper hand.  Whether that was due to the element of surprise or if Harry had superior strength, Louis didn’t know. He felt himself leaking slick and whining over the fight for him and hoping that Harry would come out as the victor.

A slam to the floor and the other alpha rolled to curl up on his side, the room eerily silent save for the pants of exertion and the moans of the other.  

Harry stood and wiped his mouth, staring down at his opponent until he was sure he wouldn’t rise in another surge.  When he didn’t, Harry turned and took the few steps to where Louis was still bent over the arm of the sofa.

He wasn’t subtle or gentle when he grasped Louis’ hips and thrust into him in one hard motion.  It knocked the air from Louis’ lungs and the sudden stretch burned. Harry didn’t pause there and jackhammered into him until the swell of his knot popped in and out.  With one last slam, they were knotted together which is when Louis became very aware of their audience. All eyes were on them and it distracted Louis enough to not realize what was happening until sharp teeth were sinking into his skin and clamping down into the thick muscle.  He screamed and yanked away on instinct which only made Harry bite down harder.

The pain spread from the point on his neck out to all of his limbs and then back where it settled and caused him to go slack.  He came with his dick smashed against the the arm of the sofa and had to close his eyes against the dizzying rush of emotions that were not his.  

Harry finally released his bite and took his time licking and kissing over the wound.

“What are you looking at?” Harry snapped when he lifted his head and found the rest of the room still looking on in shock.  

Louis had seen Harry so angry, had seen him irritated, but Louis didn’t think he’d ever seen him so aggressive.  He imagined no one else in the room had either.

They settled back into the couch together while activity in the room slowly went back to normal.  Harry was twitchy behind him in contrast to Louis’ lazy haze. They couldn’t do much but lie together while they were tied anyway.  Louis could smell the other girl on him, other bodies on him, but none of them were omega. He didn’t think his fragile new omega mind could handle it if he had, nor could their fresh bond.  

Shit.  Their bond.  Harry had just bonded them.  

He wondered if Harry had even realized what he’d done since he’d seem pretty fucked up from the moment Louis walked through the door.  If he had, he had yet to comment on it.

As soon as his knot went down enough to pull out, Harry climbed off the couch over Louis and walked out of the room.  Louis stared after him but couldn’t find the energy to follow. It had been a long and draining day. A long and draining week if he was honest.  He closed his eyes for just a moment to remedy the burn of dry exhaustion and didn’t open them again until morning.  

Light was streaming through the thinly curtained windows when he finally woke enough to realize where he was.  His body ached from being cramped up on the loveseat and his neck and back cracked and popped as he forced himself to sit up.  The room was empty save for one snoring body curled up in the corner and the rest of the house seemed quiet.

After pulling on his boxers, Louis stepped carefully over the wooden floor and flinched each time one of the boards creaked.  He wasn’t sure why he was being so cautious but he felt like he shouldn’t be wandering the house on his own.

He heard a noise from the kitchen and turned in that direction and then froze in the doorway.

There, sitting at the kitchen table that looked like something out of a fifties dinner, was Harry.  That wasn’t what had Louis stuck in place. On top of the table covering the entire surface were stacks of money several inches high.  He’d never seen so much cash in his life, especially not in someone’s home.

“Lemon,” Harry acknowledged him casually as he chewed on popsicle stick hanging out of his mouth.  He was sitting there in only a pair of tight black briefs and Louis wondered if he’d ever understand how the alpha’s mind worked.  

“Aren’t you afraid of getting robbed?” Louis asked as he stepped further into the room.  

Out of nowhere Harry pulled out a shiny silver handgun and let it thunk heavily onto the table.  The sound was loud even with its landing pillowed by the of the piles of cash. Louis didn’t know anything about guns, but it looked like it could cause some serious damage.  

“Nope.”  

Harry popped his P without even looking up and shuffled through another handful of bills.  Louis furrowed his brow when he couldn’t tell where Harry had pulled the gun from and then stepped forward.  

“Where did you get all this?”

“Where do you think?” Harry raised a brow and glanced up at him.  

“Is this all from last night?” Louis gaped.

“You act like that isn’t feasible,” Harry smirked and then continued counting, “But this is from the week.”

“Holy shit.”  

Louis dragged his finger along the edge of the table as he circled it, stopping when he reached Harry’s side.  The chair scraped obnoxiously across the floor as Harry scooted back a few inches and then patted his thigh for Louis to sit.  

“Is James still passed out in there?” Harry asked and straightened another pile.

“Who is James?”

Harry paused and then shook his head.  “Nevermind.”

Louis’ stomach chose the worst time to rumble when Harry wrapped his arm around his middle.

“Hungry, Lemon?”

“A little, yeah.  Since someone stole all the money out of my wallet.”  Louis threw the last part in bitterly as he stared at the abundance of cash laid out.  Harry didn’t need his pocket change.

“Nothing in life is free, Lemon,” Harry shrugged.  He kept a hand on the small of Louis’ back so he didn’t fall when he stood up, letting Louis shift into his seat while he walked over to the cupboard.  

“Usually there’s an exchange of currency for goods and services, not taken without their knowledge.  And when did I say that I wanted all of that? You just gave it to me.”

“So you expect free drugs just because we fuck?” Harry whirled around and leaned back against the counter with a set expression of irritation on his face.  “Newsflash: I fuck a lot of people. No special privileges.”

“Do you shove drugs down their throats and then rob them too?” Louis stood up with clenched fists.  His hormones and emotions were all over the place and now the alpha who had just bonded him without permission was telling him he wasn’t special.  It was foreign for Louis to feel his omega and even worse to feel him being torn down.

“They come to me for the drugs and then to me for the sex.  I don’t have to get someone high to fuck them.  I have my choice of all the people begging me for it.  Don’t think you’re special just because I fucked you through your first heat.  I don’t need a clingy O hanging around expecting favours.”

“I suppose you go around bonding everyone too then,” Louis scoffed.  He thought he saw something flicker across Harry’s face but it was gone before he could analyze it.  

“Dammit, Lemon!”  Harry swiped his arm across the counter angrily, dirty cups and silverware clattering to the floor, an open bag of chips spilling out.  

“Do you even remember my name?!” Louis yelled over the clatter and stared as Harry gripped the edge of the the counter with his back turned.  He could see the rise and fall of each heavy, angry breath on his back and the silence grew heavy.

“Of course you fucking don’t.”  

Louis could barely keep his voice even.  He refused to break down. It was nothing he didn’t already know even if he’d been in denial.  He could feel his bonding mark throb, still raw and open and fresh. It made him long to be comforted by the one person pushing him away.  It cut him down to his very core and fed off the fury radiating from his alpha.

“Does it even matter?  It’s not like you’re any better.  You fucking call me Jack half the time.”  

Harry spun and threw his hands up.  

“I thought you wanted to be Captain Jack because you get everyone high!”

“You’re damn right I do!  Even you! And you fucking love it.  But you don’t need to know my name and I don’t need to know your name for that to happen.”

“Same for the bond, right?” Louis said sarcastically, “We don’t need to know each other’s names to bond.”

“That was your fault,” Harry narrowed his eyes and pointed his finger, “If you hadn’t provoked me like that, slicking up for another alpha like some knot-dropper just to piss me off.”  

“Oh that was my fault you couldn’t keep your teeth to yourself?  Me that forced you cut in so deep? The last alpha I’d want to bond with would be a loose-tie like you.”  He spit the insult out and narrowed his eyes back, refusing to be blamed for a drug addicted knothead’s lack of self control.  

“Take it back,” Harry growled low and Louis fought against the urge to submit.  

“Such a heatstall,” Louis egged him on, pushing against the lines he knew he shouldn’t cross, “Couldn’t even satisfy me through my first with such a weak tie.”  

Harry backed him against the table and towered above him.  Louis fought hard to not be intimidated by this display of dominance.  

“Take.  It. Back.”  Harry gritted out through clenched teeth.  

“Make me.”  

Louis didn’t know how their argument had taken such a turn but that was much like any of their interactions.  He should have expected it when he found himself with a face full of cash bent over the table. Harry ripped down his boxers and held him down by a firm hand against the back of his neck.  

Slick gathered with a weird sensation Louis still wasn’t used to and he spread his feet wider to anchor himself for what was to come.  He didn’t even want to stop it. Harry stepped up plowed into him in one hard motion, Louis’ eyes watering with the quick stretch.

The thrusts were hard and fast and the edge of the table cut into him across his hips.  Stacks of bills were pushed over and dollars stuck to the bare skin of his chest and cheek and all Louis could do was take it.  

It felt good, though, the aggression dissipating as they fucked it out.   

Soon Harry’s knot popped and caught on Louis’ rim, locking them together while they both panted heavily.  Harry leaned down to nose along his neck and shoulder and Louis knew he couldn’t stop himself from being drawn to the point.  The bond was fresh and still dynamic in their connection. It was only natural to have the urge to strengthen it while it was still so young.  

“Call me a loose-tie again,” Harry yanked his hips back enough to demonstrate the validity of his knot.  Louis would have laughed if the movement hadn’t made him moan.

“Can you walk with me?  Need a fix so bad,” Harry mumbled against his neck after a few minutes.  

They awkwardly shuffled across the hall, Louis’ back plastered against Harry’s front with their tie pulling with every movement.  It couldn’t have felt great for Harry but they made it far enough for Harry to sit them both down in a chair at his desk.

“Just going to leave all that cash there?” Louis asked.  

“It’s fine,” Harry shrugged and pulled out his kick from one of the drawers.  

Louis watched this time as he cooked up a batch, fascinated by the process that seemed as natural as toasting a slice of bread to the alpha.  The dark liquid sucked into the syringe and then Harry turned it on Louis. The angle was awkward and Harry’s hands were shaking but he finally hit a vein and the rush hit Louis immediately.  He slumped back against Harry’s chest and didn’t even mind when Harry cursed him for being in the way of his own push.

He couldn’t find it in him to care when Harry’s knot pulled free and he found his own comfy corner on the floor.  There was a blanket there that he curled into and smiled against his blissfully blank mind. Harry joined him at some point and he gravitated towards his body heat without opening his eyes.  It was heaven.

///

Time ceased to exist for Louis with an endless supply of mind-numbers at his disposal.  Sleep came whenever it happened, food ceased to be a priority and Harry’s knot locked them together so often that he was always some level of sore.  It was nothing another bump or push couldn’t fix and he always loved the satisfaction of it filling him up.

The shitty mattress and disappointing water temperature became familiar parts of his life without any discussion on the permanency of his tenancy.  They fought and they fucked and Louis just never left. Neither did Harry and it became apparent that the drug trade was his full time occupation.

It hadn’t been hard to figure out the combination on Harry’s safe and Louis helped himself to the illegal pharmacy whenever he felt the need pull at him.  Part of him even began to crave the explosive nature of Harry’s temper when he found Louis in his stash. The intense pounding that usually followed was the only that made Louis feel something while his brain stayed muted, the only thing that reminded him he was alive, that he was wanted.  

Louis also knew that Harry’s anger never ran deep the way his father’s had by the way he attended to their bonding mark with soft kisses and gentle strokes once they were tied together.  It also came out in the way that Harry never liked for Louis to be too far away. Louis didn’t mind being his alpha’s shadow in his drug induced zombie state, relishing the fact that he didn’t have to put much effort into thinking for himself.  

He would follow Harry blindly into fire if he led him through it as long as Louis didn’t have to be the one to make that decision.  Harry gave him what he needed even if he hadn’t known he needed it– especially when it came to drugs and sex.

The unexpected presentation of his gender had brought out in him an insatiable streak that Harry fed like he was starving.  They became an active part of the moving mass of bodies when they collected in the front room of Harry’s house where Louis experienced many new things.  

Harry was possessive enough to not allow any alphas close enough to knot him, but everything else seemed fair game.  From behind, Harry would find a slow thrusting rhythm while his warm hand would snake around to grip Louis’ erection.  He never hesitated when Harry would then guide his dick into the hole of another omega and sandwich him in physical pleasure.  It always felt better than it ever had with his girlfriends when Harry was filling him up on the other end.

There were orange pills that Harry gave him that were probably on a regular basis, but he couldn’t keep his days straight enough to know for sure.  He wouldn’t even think about it if they didn’t make him feel a churning sickness that lasted several hours each time. Somewhere buried deep in his rational mind he knew why, but still cursed Harry out while he dry heaved until he was fucked up enough to forget about it.  

They still hadn’t discussed their bond but Louis supposed they didn’t have to.  They functioned well enough to ignore the implications of being essentially bonded as strangers and the permanency that came along with it irrelevant when time had no meaning.  

Another heat came and went and Louis started to feel settled with his body’s new functions, bending over for his alpha the way his instincts urged him to.  He drowned out the echoes of his father’s words with the needle until there was nothing left and let Harry take him like the knot-hole he knew he’d become.

///

Louis grumbled as he swayed his way towards where he thought he remembered parking his car last.  He couldn’t even remember the last time he had driven it but figured it couldn’t have been all that long ago.  Harry had taken it out a few times as well to make some pick-ups so really it had probably only been a few days.  Hopefully.

He’d already been down several blocks but was sure he finally remembered once he’d turned the corner.  He just needed to find the last of his cash that he thought he’d remembered stashing up under the seat so Harry would calm down.  He’d been an irrational mess all day going off and throwing things around while he complained about freeloaders and Louis just wanted him to shut up already.  No drugs in the world were strong enough to quiet the fury of Harry’s rage once it had been unleashed. Louis was sure he’d tried them all by that point.

He cheered when he turned the corner and found the white Chevy still sitting by the curb with all of its windows intact and contents untouched.  Opening the car door, he awkwardly crawled halfway inside and bend his body so he could get his hand up under the seat to where the foam sat on top of springs.  

“Oh fuck!” A loud knock on the window startled him and he dove into the backseat like that would magically make him invisible.  It did not– nor did it stop him from scratching his hand open on the exposed metal– and the two police officers standing above him did not find it amusing.  

“You Louis Tomlinson?”  One of the men barked at him and the tone of his alpha voice made Louis shrink.  

“Maybe,” he answered weakly.  

“Your family has been trying to locate you.  Your father has passed away and your mother has filed a missing persons report on you.”  

“What?”  Louis felt himself sober up in an instant as he stared up at the man.  

“Come on, kid, we’ll give you a ride home.”  

Louis was in a state of shock as he was manhandled out of his car and into the backseat of their patrol.  He couldn’t even process the news enough to resist or insist he could drive himself. That probably wouldn’t have been a good idea but it also left him without a way to escape.  The scenery flew by to his unfocused eyes and the numbness in his body weighed him down.

Dead.  His father was dead.  Found floating in the family pool in their backyard after suffering a massive heart attack.  That was what the officers had said.

The strange mix of relief and guilt and emptiness swirled inside him in alternating waves like the rise and fall of the tide.  His mother looked stoic. His sister sobbed. They dressed him up in a suit that was just a tad too small, the trousers a bit too short, the collar constricting and tight.  They paraded him around like a zombie, sat him down in a pew through the monotone voice of the pastor, and he didn’t fully regain his senses until he was stood over the open grave looking down at the elaborate casket.  What a waste of money for something to be buried in the ground, never to be seen again. It was more than the bastard deserved and Louis spit on the polished surface in one last spiteful act.

He started to feel sick, his hands trembling and his head throbbing.  Sinking down to his knees in the dirt despite the nice suit he wore, his muscles ached and his skin was clammy.  A dry heave overtook him and then he was vomiting into the perfectly rectangular hole that had become his father’s final resting place.  

Louis sobbed.  They wracked his body but didn’t stem from the death of his father as the family members milling about probably assumed.  Instead, it came from the deep ache that had built up inside him from being away from his bondmate for so long. He hadn’t even had a chance to tell Harry where he was going or even had the thought that he should.  The pull was foreign and new and constricted his chest until he could barely breathe.

More importantly, he just needed a fix.  

He tore the envelopes from his father’s memorial fund open as he walked through the rows of headstones, tossing the envelopes and the checks that were worthless to him over his shoulder as he went.  The cash he shoved into his pocket and walked until he found a bus stop to take him where he needed to go.

Smelling like vomit and stale funeral home flowers, Louis rode the routes around on transfer vouchers until something looked familiar and he hopped off with uneven steps.  There was no sense of time or date left in his muddled mind though he was sure the sun would be setting soon by the shadows growing longer.

Louis arrived on Jack’s porch just as the day grew dim with aching blistered feet and trembling limbs.  The windows were dark and the sight gave Louis an eerie feeling. The lack of light usually meant nothing, sometimes the curtains drawn or a blanket hung over the loose curtain rods.  The heavy front door was unlatched and open a few inches and he didn’t hesitate to push it in as he entered.

There was something strange hanging in the air around him as he stood in the foyer.  Like a ghost watching his every move from just out of sight, goosebumps rose on his arms and the silence made his ears buzz.  

Something wasn’t right as he wandered from room to room and didn’t find anything the way he had left it.  There was no drug paraphernalia laying around, no random items of clothing strewn about, no strays from the night before still sleeping it off in the corners, no sign of life at all.  

The stairs creaked loudly as he went to the second level.  The bedrooms there were in a similar state as the ones below.  Gone were Harry’s clothes scattered in wrinkled, dirty piles over the floor as were the heaps of blankets they fucked on so many times they carried the permanent scent of them.  Just the stripped mattress remained in place, pushed into the corner, stained and dirty and looking much like Louis felt.  The dresser drawers squeaked as he pulled each open to find them empty, the unstable structure nearly falling over onto him as he did.  

He gripped the railing with white knuckles on his way down the stairs, knees threatening to buckle if he let go.  They still nearly did when he made it to Harry’s usually locked drug room.

The door was wide open and Louis could already see that its state was much the same.  Gone were Harry’s tools that he kept in the drawers of the desk, gone were the blankets Louis had dragged in with Harry on multiple occasions and, most importantly, gone were the drugs.  

He stood and stared at the empty shelves that had housed anything Louis had a craving for.  His stomach turned and acid burned at the back of his throat. It was gone. All gone. And so was Harry.  

His omega whined and the hole reopened inside his soul allowing everything to be sucked out.  He needed a fix, he needed his alpha, and neither one were there. Ignoring the tears that fell down his cheeks, Louis stumbled through the door and across the porch.  The streetlights had illuminated the sidewalk just enough for him to see the cracks in the concrete and aimlessly, he pushed forward while every part of him felt like it was being torn apart.  

He ripped off his tie and abandoned it on the ground, walking on with a sense of loss so strong he couldn’t handle it.  The wad of cash he’d stolen from his father’s memorial was thick in his jacket pocket. He pulled it out and straightened it enough to shove it into the pocket of his pants before he abandoned his jacket as well.  

Eventually, he came upon a scene that seemed familiar as if from a dream.  The flashing lights, music and colourful characters caused him to pause and stare with a sense of recognition he couldn’t quite place.  Bright makeup, wigs and sequins made him feel in the middle of a carnival and he turned slowly to take it all in.

A woman in six inch heels passed close and he whirled around when he smelled the strong scent of alpha surrounding her.  It wasn’t just the smell of a mate or a partner and he gawked as the made up alpha swayed her hips with each step.

“Lemonnnn!” A deep voice stretched out and he spun around expecting to see Harry ready with a new high and an explanation waiting.

Instead, he found a painted face he didn’t recognize and his bond ached with disappointment.  

“You don’t look so good, Lemon,” the owner of the voice said as the bright colours of their clothes started to make Louis’ vision swim.  “Let’s get you fixed up.”

A hand gripped his arm and steadied his steps as they rounded a corner into a dark alley that made him feel less dizzy.  He propped himself up against the brick wall and leaned his aching head back against the uneven surface.

“What do you need?  For Jack’s Lemon, I’ll give you a deal.”

Louis stuck his hand into his pocket and pulled out the mess of cash.  Handing it over, he barely cracked his eyes to make sure he hadn’t dropped it onto the sloping asphalt.  

“Dunno how to do it,” he mumbled and held his arm out wrist up.  His body was begging for something to cure the sickness and his mind was begging for something to erase the thoughts that had started to plague him.  The push would be a win win as far as Louis could see.

“Not right here,” he heard and then was relocated further into the shadows of the alley.  

The glow of a lighter flickered through his closed eyelids and the familiar sounds of preparation filled his ears.  He already felt a sense of ease with the anticipation and waited patiently for the push to send him over the edge.

The hands weren’t as skilled as Harry usually were, painful stabs making him flinch until they finally found a sweet spot to send him home.  The surge was almost immediate and he slumped to the ground with a smile on his face in the warm embrace of the soaring high.

He had grown wings and he was flying, fluffy clouds pillowing his journey as he found Captain Jack.  

///

Chatter.  So much chatter.  It filled Louis’ ears like a party in the next room while he was asleep on the couch.  He floated along in the hazy space between sleep and consciousness like a dream, wrapped up in the warmth of darkness.  Moving his limbs, they felt featherlight and realized they were just extensions of his imagination in this new dimension he’d entered.  His whole body was nothing but a thought.

He bobbed around in space endlessly with wordless conversations overlapping each other in a variety of mixed tones.  It all blended into a hum that was comforting on some level. He wasn’t alone and none of the anonymous voices were there to cut him down or make him feel worthless.  The mix of laughter in between sounded happy and light. He could live like this, he decided. Bobbing along in a world free of pain and suffering made his heart ache with want.  

But then he was already there.  Why lust over something he already had?  He needed to just enjoy it.

///

It was too bright.  His eyes were closed but they ached with the light so intense it was still able to penetrate them.  Bright and loud with every noise shooting bolts of pain through his ears and into his brain in a direct lines.  He needed it to stop.

He couldn’t move.  His eyes wouldn’t open.  His fingers wouldn’t budge.  His arms wouldn’t lift.

Eventually his lids cracked open like they had been crusted over and white blurs took over his vision.  He could barely blink but finally cleared them enough to see rectangular ceiling tiles above him and harsh tube bulbs that made his eyes water.  

It was a long time before he could move and, when he did, it was only to twitch of his toes.  Regaining control came slowly, lifting his arm seemed a monumental task and he wasn’t sure he had the energy to keep trying.  

“Do you know where you are?” a voice asked and he rolled his eyes towards the source and struggled to shake his head.  “Do you remember what happened?” Another shake. He didn’t. “Can you tell me your name?”

He couldn’t, not in that moment when his throat felt dry and raw and the act of swallowing was already nearly too much for him to accomplish.  

An overdose.  He’d come in without identification after an anonymous call had been made to pick him up off the sidewalk where someone had dumped him.  

The details came back to him in bits and pieces, the full story still not connecting.  His body ached and his mind wandered, unable to focus enough for the memory to be complete.  

It took the throb of his bonding mark to remember who he was, to remember what was gone.  He couldn’t remember the specifics, but he could remember the heavy emotions, that aching pit of loss and utter devastation that churned within like a cement mixer filled with grit.  The longing for his mate was overwhelming with no synthetic buffer to mask it, a new feeling he’d never experienced before.

He heaved as his stomach rolled but nothing came out, just the rise of burning liquid just enough to coat his throat and make it feel raw.  His body shook as tears continuously streamed down his face and goosebumps rose on every inch of his skin. He found himself restrained after his itching skin was too much to take and he ripped out the IV line taped to his arm.  

Reasoning didn’t work with him, words lost meaning and the only two thoughts he could focus on were drugs and his mate.  They were the two most important, vital things to him. His sight narrowed to a pin prick, tunnel vision for finding a high and his mate to sooth the separation anxiety that was ripping him apart.  

They kept him hostage at the lowest point in his life, transferring him to a room away from other patients.  It was minimalistic with few items he could hurt himself with or destroy though there was no lack of trying. The pain was excruciating and the rage he felt at his captors even stronger.   

He couldn’t settle his stomach or any other bodily function that resulted in shame filled hours attached to the toilet with an ever-present audience he wished he didn’t have.  It was hard to make sense of any of it when his thoughts and emotions ping ponged inside his head from side to side, low to high and then all together smashing against the wall.  

He wanted to go home or, more accurately, he wanted to go back to Jack’s.  He wanted to be with his mate. He wanted the ache to soothe and the bond to heal his pain.  Instead, he remained a prisoner in the hellish hospital room and sobbed and threw tantrums and cursed and begged until he settled into a depression so low he might as well have been smashed and ground into the floor.  

It was in that state that they sat him into a wheelchair and took him off down the bland sterile hallways to another ward.  Since he still refused to give his family’s information and he didn’t even know Harry’s last name for them to alert or even find his mate, they refused to discharge him without an escort.  The discrimination against omegas wasn’t even high on his list of annoyances on any other day, but he refused to remain peaceful about it when it meant his freedom.

It wasn’t fair that they kept him locked away.  His forced sobriety wasn’t fair, either.

They wheeled him in to different counseling sessions where he refused to talk, his stare focused on the wall ahead of him and lips pressed together in a tight line.  He threw every meal they brought him onto the floor, determined to make their lives hell until they agreed to release him.

Days passed as Louis grew more and more difficult, agitated, his irritation blooming and manifesting the only way it could.  His thoughts were eating him alive. The abandonment and longing were made into physical pain that spread through his body from his bonding mark that burned and made even simple tasks debilitating.  

One morning after Louis again refused to eat his breakfast, they wheeled him to a different hallway he’d never been to and into a group session that had already started.  

It was the scent that hit him first.  Though it had changed somehow, the undertones were still present and strong.  His heart raced so suddenly that he felt light headed and gripped the padded armrests of the wheelchair, thankful he was sitting down.  

He could see the moment that Harry scented him too, nostrils flaring and knees bouncing anxiously as he stared across the circle with an unreadable expression.  Slouched down in one of the coloured plastic chairs with his arms crossed over his chest, Harry wore a set of pale blue scrubs that matched his own with bare feet and his hair pulled up into a messy bun.  His skin didn’t seem as pale as Louis remembered it and his eyes not as sunken and shadowed.

They stared at each other with a strange intensity but neither reacted past the small imperceptible tells that no one else seemed to pick up on.  Louis refused to acknowledge or participate as per usual while Harry’s muteness and demeanor was noted as unusual by the others in the circle. Harry didn’t respond with an excuse.  

Chair legs scraped loudly across the tile floor when the session was dismissed and their staring contest continued without interruption.  One of the nurses flipped the breaks on the wheelchair’s tires and had moved Louis no more than a few inches when a growl echoed through the room and Harry grabbed hold of the chair.  He had flown from the chair and closed the distance between them so fast that Louis hardly saw a streak of movement.

The room froze, as did Harry, and Louis could tell by his shaking breaths that it was taking all his power to not let his temper explode as Louis had seen so many times.  

“Can we just—  Can we have a minute?” Harry struggled to keep his voice low and steady and calm.  

“I’m sorry but I can’t leave him alone with an alpha, we haven’t been able to locate his mate.”  The nurse, obviously a beta, attempted to stand firm with a grip still on one of the handles.

“ I’m his mate,” Harry gritted out and pressed a thumb into Louis’ bonding mark in demonstration.  The shock of contact was intense and made Louis go slack in the chair after being deprived for so long.  

“I’ll, um, go get the doctor,” the nurse fumbled her words nervously and then rushed away out of the alpha’s path.  

Harry leaned forward and placed a delicate kiss to Louis’ mark like he couldn’t help himself and his nerves rejoiced with the reunion.  He wheeled Louis over to one of the tables that had been pushed to the side and then sat down in a chair so their knees nearly touched.

“What are you doing here?” Louis asked at the same time Harry asked “Where did you go?”

They began speaking at the same time again before Harry closed his mouth and gestured for Louis to continue.  

“My father died.  My mom filed a missing persons report and the police escorted me home and I was forced to attend his funeral.”  It was more words than Louis had spoken in weeks and his voice came out rough. “When I came back, everything was gone.”  

“Did you get picked up?” Harry sucked in a breath and then slowly let it out.  Louis didn’t think they’d ever had a conversation that felt so normal even if the subject matter wasn’t.  

“One of your followers hooked me up and I woke up here.  They won’t let me leave because I refused to give them my family’s information and I don’t even know your last name.”  

Louis crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly, his voice coming out with an angry bite.  His body was screaming at him to jump into Harry’s lap and demand attention and soothing and comfort.  He wouldn’t and fought down every urge by pulling out his anger.

Concern, worry and a hint of anger briefly made their way through Harry’s straight expression until he looked down and then pulled Louis’ hand into both of his.  Louis tried to pretend that the touch didn’t make his heart sing just a little.

“Fuck,” Harry cursed under his breath, his thumbs moving in small circles over Louis’ skin.  “If I would have known… I thought you left because of me so I didn’t—”

Harry let out another long breath and then chanced a hesitant look up at Louis.  He tried to keep his own expression smooth like Harry had but could tell he wasn’t as successful.  

“Didn’t what?” Louis tensed and set his jaw.  

“Didn’t go looking for you when everything—”  Harry took in another breath and slowly let it out, obviously struggling to continue with a steady voice.  “When everything happened.”

“Did you get arrested, then?  Is that why you’re here?”

Louis was having a hard time with this conversation sober, the slow and pausing way Harry was talking irritated him and made him antsy for a fix.  He was always high with Harry. That’s what their relationship was built on, how their relationship worked. Louis felt antsy with the ball of anxious energy untamed inside him and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from lashing out.  

“No, I came here on my own.”  

“The fuck would you come here on your own??”  Louis snapped and threw his free hand up to gesture around incredulously.  

“Three people died at the house, Lem— Louis, ” Harry spat out, the flames of anger ignited in his eyes as he sat back and dropped Louis’ hand, “Three people fucking died because of the bad shit that I gave them.  I couldn’t live with that, okay??  I still can’t handle having that on my conscious and it was a big fucking wakeup call to what my life had become!  I only started doing that so I could get my weed for free and maybe make a little money on the side and then I looked at myself with track marks all over my arms and a bloody nose and so much missing time where I still can’t remember what the fuck I did and then I had dead bodies in my house!  All because of me!!”

Harry was nearly shouting and breathing heavily when several orderlies came in to restrain him after misreading the situation.  Harry fought to pull his arms away before finally letting them hold him back and all Louis could do was stare. It wasn’t the same temper Louis was used to from Harry, not when this one came with watery eyes and passionate words that actually made sense.  

“And I pulled you into that,” Harry said softly from where he stood with his hands held behind his back a handful of feet away and his head tilted down.  

That wasn’t what Louis wanted to hear.  He wanted to go back where Captain Jack was still alive and well and prescribing the remedies that made all of Louis’ problems drift away while replacing them with the distraction of sex.  Harry was his alpha, a bond forged in drugs and impulse and everything Harry had just denounced. It left a bitter taste in his mouth and an ugly scar on his soul.

One of the head nurses rushed in with her charts to break the moment while Louis sat there in a stunned, angry silence.  

“Louis, is this the Harry that you wrote down as your mate?” she asked as she looked between them.  

“I don’t know his last name,” Louis spat out while staring daggers through the alpha.  

“It’s Styles, Harry Styles,” Harry spoke up while Louis was having an internal battle.  His omega was begging for his bondmate while his mind wished that mental voodoo was a thing.  

“Is Harry Styles your mate?” the nurse tried again to get a clear answer, looking at him expectedly.  

“Unfortunately.”  

Louis watched as hurt flashed in Harry’s eyes and settled into quiet resignation.  

“I’m afraid we don’t allow shared quarters in this sensitive program, even for bond mates.  Mr. Styles, we can revisit the arrangements for your discharge to determine whether it is appropriate for your mate to be released into your care.”

Harry nodded without looking up before he was led from the room, the nurse then taking a seat in the same place Harry had been just minutes before.  

“The circumstances under which you were admitted are a cause for more concern with this new information.  Were you raped and forcibly bonded by Mr. Styles?”

“No!  Well, yes, technically but no?  He didn’t rape me.”

His inner battle raged on while his omega fought his mind through every part of the question.  No, he hadn’t been raped but also hadn’t been expecting the bond. He also couldn’t say that he hadn’t wanted it, exactly, since he had been the one to provoke the incident.  

“He’s not here to hurt you or hear you, Louis.  You can be honest, you didn’t even know his last name.  We have the resources to connect you with a social worker with omega protective services.”  

She reached out to touch his hand and he pulled it away.  It could be Louis’ out, right there on a silver platter. All he had to do was say the word, tell her that Harry had forced their bond, had taken advantage of him.  It could be that simple and he would be whisked off into the hands of omega protective services where they would probably send him to bond weakening treatments for free.  He’d never have to face Harry again or have anything to do with him. He could just erase him from that period of his life yet there was another part of him that wanted exactly the opposite.   

“It was accidental.  We were both fucked up.  Exchanging surnames wasn’t exactly a priority while we were knotted and shooting up.”  

It was crude and came out bitter, but it didn’t matter when they both knew why they were both there.  

“Would you feel comfortable being released into Mr. Styles’ care?”

He shrugged and then nodded.  Harry would get over his moment of self reflection and guilt, everything would go back to normal, and Louis’ mind would be blissfully cleared again in no time.  He could play the role of model patient for a little while if it meant being turned over to Harry.

They weren’t allowed to see each other before Harry’s release though Harry was allowed to send over a note.  It confirmed that they had agreed to release Louis into Harry’s care since there appeared to be no red flags once Louis had been reunited with his mate.  They credited his prior behaviour to withdrawal and bond deprivation and saw no reason to detain him further.

Louis waited restlessly for Harry to pick him up, twitchy and anxious and itching for the fix that was so close he could taste it.  He hoped Harry had brought it with him so they could pull off and do it right away.

He was surprised when Harry showed up driving a beat up red Pinto but shrugged and nearly jumped into his arms while he struggled to sign some paperwork.  Harry just laughed and pulled him close in a way that Louis had never seen. This Harry was light and easy to smile and helped Louis into the car instead of just barking at him to get in.  He determined that Harry was much better at acting than him when he could barely keep it together until they had pulled out of the parking lot.

He popped upon the glove box as soon as they pulled out onto the street and he rummaged around through the papers until he came up empty.  

“Where’s your stash?” Louis asked while he reached his hand down to feel under the seat.

“What do you mean?” Harry asked with a glance from the road and tightened his hands on the wheel.  

“Your stash.  Come on, don’t hold out on me.  I’ll get you the money if that’s what you’re worried about.”  

Louis could see his jaw tense as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  

“I don’t do that anymore.”  

“You don’t have to keep up the goodboy act anymore.  It’s just me.”

Harry cleared his throat awkwardly.  “It’s not an act, Louis.”

“Come on, don’t be a square.  I’m not going to rat you out if we pick something up on the way home.”  

“Dammit, Louis!” Harry slammed his hands onto the steering wheel as they came to a stop at a red light and Louis stilled.  “I got clean for a reason and I meant it! I can’t live like that anymore!”

Louis stared at the new alpha in front of him and didn’t know how to respond.  He didn’t know how to be sober with Harry. He didn’t know Harry at all.

“If you’re going to stay with me, that’s how it’s going to be.  I figured you’d be on the same page after you almost died. I saw your file, Louis.  You were in a coma for three fucking days! Is that really how you want to live?”

Louis stared out the window.  He hadn’t known that, had no sense of the time he spent there.  He didn’t even know what day or even what month they were in now.

“I found your mom and told her what happened and that you’d be staying with me for a while.”  

“You WHAT??!” Louis whirled around in his seat to stare at the side of Harry’s face as he drove.  He could see the white of Harry’s knuckles as he clenched and then released the steering wheel.

“She deserved to know,” Harry said firmly.  

“Guess I’ll go find your parents and let them know how their son has been living,” he scoffed and threw his back against the seat in a huff.  

“My parents aren’t alive,” he replied in a slow, even tone.  

It made Louis deflate and drop his act, staring out the window as they drove in a neighborhood he didn’t recognize.  

“Where are you taking me?” Louis asked after they’d been driving through unfamiliar streets for a while.  

“Home.  I rented an apartment while I figure some things out.  It’s just temporary.”

“We’re not going back to the house?” Louis turned in his seat again.  

“I’m selling the house.”  

Harry kept his eyes forward on the road until they turned into the parking lot of a nice building that looked fairly new.  He had to lean forward to get a better view and could see tiny fence-lined balconies stacked on top of one another.

“It’s not much.  I figured it didn’t make much sense to buy a bunch of furniture when we’d just be moving it again soon.”  

He turned off the car and pulled the keys, staring at his lap while he fiddled with the ring, neither of them making a move to exit the vehicle.  

“Look.  I want you to know that you’re not obligated to stay here with me.  I know what you must be thinking and I get it. I’m working through a lot of shit that happened between us, too.  I don’t even know for sure what I remember or if most of it is missing. All I know is that it’s been really difficult for me to deal with not knowing where you were and then not being able to have you close.”

Louis watched the unfamiliar vulnerability make Harry look small and defeated in the seat of a car that should have made him wonder how he was even able to fold his legs inside.  A silence stretched between them that was only interrupted by the jingle of the car keys as Harry fidgeted with them in his lap.

“This isn’t how I imagined bonding with someone, but I know there was a reason I was always drawn to you.  I’d really like it if we could explore that and see if we can make a go of it for real this time. But it can’t be one sided and it won’t work if you’re not committed to the same thing.  I can’t go back to that life, Louis. I can’t. And I can’t be with someone who is always going to be tempting me to take that step back.”

Harry finally looked up and turned to Louis with wide sincere eyes, searching his face for something Louis wasn’t sure if he would fine, “Do you want to try?”

Louis found just one monologue chipping away at his bias towards alphas that had formed since he was a child.  While he was high, he hadn’t let himself realize the idea that he had submitted to spending the rest of his life with one just after squeezing out of the hold of another.  He hadn’t thought about what it would mean to make a decision about whether he wanted to or not. It was the first time he felt like he was being given a choice.

He stared at Harry and thought about all the fantasies he’d had as a child and teen about falling in love and finding a bond mate to have a family with, all the thoughts he had pushed away once it seemed clear he would never present.  He allowed himself to run through them again and realized that imagining himself in the opposite role didn’t make any of them feel and less valid than they had when he was sure he’d be alpha.

“I can try,” Louis replied softly while his hands twitched in his lap.  

It wasn’t a rush of clarity or a calming sense that magically everything would be just fine.  The anxiety still hummed through him and the craving still throbbed just beneath the surface in a way he couldn’t easily ignore.  He knew that nothing between them would ever be traditional or easy, that the origins of their relationship would always be a source of tension and maybe they wouldn’t even make it at all.  

But as Louis looked at Harry’s face, at the small hopeful smile that grew and the sparkle that appeared in his eyes, Louis knew that he meant what he had said.  For the chance at something great, Louis would definitely try.