Archive of Our Own

When she said she wanted to see other people, she hadn’t meant it. It was just… instincts. A lifetime of learning to abandon people before they abandoned her. It was survival.

But Cassian had taken it to heart. They have been seeing each other for three months and it was easy with him. Natural. They clicked, fit together like pieces of a puzzle. But it’s not like they were official, not like they agreed to be exclusive.

Jyn didn’t do exclusive, didn’t like the commitment, and Cassian didn’t ask. He just assumed.

It had taken her a while to recognize the signs that he was growing attached, that he considered her his girlfriend, and she didn’t appreciate being shoved into a box. It wasn’t all his fault, she hadn’t exactly made herself clear either, and with all the time they spent together, it was easy to assume. But she knew she needed to take a step back, needed to let him know what they were… and what they were not.

Yes, they had fun, maybe more fun than Jyn could remember having with anyone, but it wasn’t that serious. She didn’t want to be part of a puzzle, she was her own damn piece.

So. She told him. The smart thing would have been to end it completely – clearly, he had feelings, and she didn’t want to let them fester and end in heartbreak, because he didn’t deserve that. She contemplated it, walking away, but something in the way he looked at her stopped her. A small part of her didn’t want to give it all up. He made her feel free and relaxed and desirable, and the sex was… well, the sex was incredible.

If he couldn’t accept her conditions, then yeah, she would end it, but for now, there was no reason to let the chemistry between them go to waste.

He left her apartment straight-faced and grim that night. She felt bad about hurting him but she told herself she didn’t owe him anything and he would come around. And he had. Mostly. All their times together since have been… intense. Obsessive, almost. He fucked her with purpose, he fucked her like he wanted to make her forget she had ever slept with anyone else, and he spent so much time making her fall apart, Jyn began thinking he had something to prove.

She hadn’t said anything because it’s not like she wasn’t enjoying it but it became evident he had a problem with their arrangement. He didn’t say it but he showed it, even unwillingly.

He was upset.

So that was just great. Brilliant.

And she hadn’t actually been with anyone despite what she said. She hadn’t had any opportunities and it’s not like she went out of her way just to hook up with people but… she didn’t want Cassian to take it for granted that she never would. Because one day she would and he’d have to deal with it.

Maybe today is that day. If she’s honest, that’s one of the reasons she allowed herself to be dragged off to Lando’s party. It’s not her usual scene, not unless she’s looking to blow off some steam, and tonight, she is. She needs to screw someone who doesn’t end up making her feel more frustrated than before. She needs to forget about Cassian, just a little bit, because it’s like she doesn’t know how to take her mind off him anymore. Distancing herself was supposed to prevent that but it had done the opposite.

The guy who introduced himself as Julian is nice, easy on the eyes, and doesn’t try too hard. He checks all the boxes for one night only, and old Jyn would have went for it already, but present Jyn can feel Cassian watching her and it gives her pause. She hates that she’s hesitating.

Fucking Andor. Stupid man with his stupid eyes. And stupid smile. Stupid, stupid, stupid. His eyes on her back, burning with intent, make her feel more warm and naked than the way Julian is currently seizing her up.

She takes a deep breath, exhales it slowly. She didn’t want to do this but she would. She has to. For her sake, as much as his. Maybe it’s cruel but she grabs Julian’s hand without turning around to look at Cassian and drags him upstairs. They can find a quiet place to make out for a while, and if she feels like it, she might take him home to go further. Ideally, Cassian will get the message. Ideally, she’ll stop thinking about Cassian now.

But ideally doesn’t happen.

When she goes downstairs thirty minutes later, she’s alone and frustrated. And not even sexually – okay, not just sexually. It’s all no good. Julian wasn’t a bad kisser but his hands were softer and didn’t touch her like she’s grown used to being touched, his lips were shyer and didn’t find the small sensitive spot on her neck that she liked so much. It was not what she wanted.

It was not who she wanted.

She’s ready to grab Cassian and drag him home to fuck the hell out of him, deal with the consequences later. But she stops short when she sees him pressed against the wall by some brown haired girl, his hands wrapped around her waist, their lips locked.

Her stomach drops, a lump in her throat. Oh. So that’s what it feels like.

She can’t blame Cassian for staring the way he had. She wants to go interrupt them, tear Cassian in half for acting like such an ass, maybe furiously make out with him after. She would press him against the wall firmer than that, would pin his wrists next to his face, would roll her hips against his until he was moaning and struggling to break free.

He had wanted their relationship to be more, had been silently protesting the distance she created between them ever since she told him she wouldn’t do exclusive. And now… is he trying to prove something? Suddenly, she’s angry. Fucking asshole.

This was the worst idea ever.

The brunette breaks away from his lips to latch onto his neck, a place Jyn favors herself. Her hands curl into fists, reminding herself that she has no right to punch either of them. She had turned down the chance to make Cassian her anything in favor of her own freedom, so this is the price. That’s okay. She can deal with it.

Cassian opens his eyes and looks right at her. She knows he could feel her staring from the first second but she’s too turned on and too agitated to care. She’s going to fucking burst into flames from all the fire in her veins. Anger and arousal go well together, in her experience, but it has never been directed at Cassian before. Not really.

She glares at him, still torn between wanting to pummel him and ride him till next Sunday. But she can’t do either. At least, not yet. Cassian has clearly made his choice for the night and she would have to accept it. She takes a deep breath, steadying herself, and Cassian looks away, burying his face in the neck of the woman. Jyn leaves.

She doesn’t go home. She doesn’t even try to talk herself out of going to his place. She knows he might bring the girl home with him but she hopes he’s going to return alone. She hopes it was all just a ploy. An hour passes and Jyn realizes he might have went to her place.

It’s all so stupid, she thinks as she leans against the wall outside his apartment, waiting. He has feelings for her, she knows that. So what if he hooks up with some random girl for one night? He can’t fuck her out of his life, that’s her thing. He’s going to come back to her and she… well, she will let him because it’s not like he owes her anything.

Jyn closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She tries to remember that this is what she wanted, that it’s just fun and casual, they aren’t serious. She shouldn’t feel like this. She hopes he’s having fun, getting good head because he deserves it, and he’s probably eager to return the favor, like he always is, put his mouth to good use and eat her out –

Nope, she’s so pissed she slams her fist against his door. Then she groans when her hand aches from the impact.

She remembers Cassian pressed against the wall and imagines what he might look like against someone else’s sheets, hair messy, eyes blown wide, mouth open in pleasure, naked, wrecked, beautiful. It’s not hard, she’s seen him like that many times, she just has to replace herself with the hazy figure of the girl from earlier. She wonders if he likes the image of her above him better than Jyn, if he prefers her hands, her mouth to Jyn’s. She wonders if he realized Jyn isn’t worth it after all, because clearly, he could have others.

And she has no right to be angry. She has no one to blame but herself; she did give him the opportunity to be with others. At the party, she thought it was all just for show, to get a rile out of her, (it worked) and he would be home by now. But maybe… maybe he genuinely wanted her. Maybe he liked her. She supposes, in that case, she can’t be angry. But it’s better than being sad.

When he finally comes home, an hour and a half later, he doesn’t even look surprised to see her sitting on the floor. The sigh he lets out is resigned and weary. His presence, the look of him, flushed and rumpled, makes her blood boil again. She stands up while he retrieves his key and wrinkles her nose.

“God, you reek of her.”

“Is there a problem, Jyn?” he asks as he opens the door, his voice neutral to anyone but her. She can recognize the underlying edge by now.

She follows him without an answer. Inside, she watches him take off his jacket, run both his hands through his hair, his back to her. He turns slowly, his gaze expectant, and something reddish peeking out from under his shirt catches her eye. She frowns. Is that a hickey?

“I didn’t fuck him,” she says, just to get that out of the way.

“So?” he shrugs. “You think I did it as revenge?”

“You did!” She thinks. Hopes? She’s not sure.

He looks away, shaking his head, a quiet humorless laugh under his breath.  “You seem to assume a lot about my feelings for you.”

“Because it’s obvious,” she says, and she’s not proud of it, but she sounds a little smug, a little vindicated. “I see the way you look at me. I know how you fuck me. Like you want to have me all to yourself. You didn’t want us to see other people from the start but you were too much of a coward to say it.”

It just slips out, in the heat of the moment, in the heat of her anger, and her eyes widen as she realizes what she’s said. Shit, she’s pushed too far. She shouldn’t have, she didn’t mean it like that, it’s just…

God, okay, she’s jealous. That’s what this is all about. She’s not angry, she’s jealous, and acting like a possessive girlfriend.

And he’s pissed. Cassian is intimidating when he’s angry. She’s not scared of him, of course, but the glare he can turn on other people is bone chilling. She always thought it was stupidly attractive, but she’s never seen it directed at her. It’s a cold, quiet fury that chokes the breath from her lungs.

There’s a lot on the tip of his tongue, a lot of vicious words he could throw in her face, and Jyn is begging him to say them even if she won’t like it. But slowly, he just shakes his head, averts his eyes, and all he says is, “Go home.”

She exhales, disappointed. Why doesn’t he yell, why doesn’t he tell her to fuck off, why won’t he say what he really wants? She can’t push harder than this.

He tries to walk away but she grabs his wrist, scared if she lets him go, he’ll never come back. He turns back to her with an air of resignation and she flings herself at him without a second thought. She has no more words, none that should be said anyway.

He stumbles a little, shocked, and she wonders if he’ll push her away. She’ll take the rejection if he does, and walk out of his apartment, possibly his life for good. But after a beat of hesitation, his arms wrap around her, and he kisses back, fierce and intent. She welcomes his desperation. She loves the way he kisses her like he can’t get enough, like he must have all of her. Loves the way he brings his hands up to cup her face and pull her closer.

There’s just one thing.

She places her hands on his chest and pushes him away. “Go take a shower.”

He huffs out an amused laugh and leans in to kiss her again but she moves her face away. “Now.”

She can’t tolerate the smell of someone else on him.

He glances her up and down, realizing she’s not kidding, and a smirk breaks out on his face. Oh no, he’s not in control here. She arches an eyebrow at him, a look that says, “take it or leave it” and she catches the spark of interest in his eyes. He only looks mildly annoyed as he trots off without a word to do as she asked.

While he’s gone, she slips out of her clothes, keeping only her undergarment on, and makes her way to his bedroom. She stops in the hallway in front of the mirror and smooths her hair down, fingering her bun. She would take it off but it gets messy during sex. Cassian always seems to like seeing her with her hair down, though. It’s not something she lets many people see and she wonders if that’s part of why he likes it.

She contemplates that, then lets her hair fall free on her shoulders. There. Her hair is down, her lips freshly kissed, her skin flushed. She’s wearing a nice set of lingerie, black and matching, because she was expecting to get laid tonight – just not with Cassian. She wore them with someone else on her mind, anyone else.

But surprisingly, she realizes she’s okay with how this turned out. Cassian knows her body, what she likes, what she doesn’t like, and what she really likes. He also humors her when she wants to be on top and be in control, or when she wants to give it up and let him have her however he wants. He’s good at both.

Jyn couldn’t ask for a better man, in bed or in day to day life – he’s thoughtful, caring, a great cook, always texts back… Maybe she’s a goddamn fool for trying to throw it away. Maybe she shouldn’t be thinking about this right now.

One last look at herself, then she goes to sit on his bed while she waits. He arrives back a few minutes later, smelling clean and fresh and, most importantly, like himself.

His gaze darkens as he eyes her lingerie, one he’s seen before but appreciates all the same. Jyn doesn’t hide her smirk, thriving on the way he looks at her and how powerful it makes her feel. She’s determined to erase all memories of the girl he was with, to erase all thoughts in his brain except her own name.

His eyes finally lift to her face and his lips curl into a small smile when he sees her smirking and raising her eyebrows at him. He holds out his arms for inspection. “Do I pass?”

She runs her eyes on him up and down. Towel around his waist, hair wet, chest glistening with droplets of water. The reddish skin around his neck is indeed a hickey; she stubbornly ignores that and focuses on the rest. He makes quite the sight, and her stomach tightens in anticipation. “Drop the towel.”

“Jyn –”

“I want to see what you have for me.”

He stares at her for a moment, considering. There’s some part of him that wants to talk first, fuck later. In her experience, Jyn is usually better at fuck first, talk later, and she hopes he will indulge her one more time. His mind is made up when he drops the towel, the fabric pooling around his feet, and he’s really too good for her but she’s not complaining.

Her eyes drop down, taking him in. He’s half-hard, turned on just by the sight of her, just by her commands. She can feel his eyes on her face and she licks her lips, very deliberately. To her satisfaction, he can’t suppress a quiet groan – she knows he’s thinking about her lips on him, taking him into her mouth, sucking him off. He’s a goner for oral – most guys are, but he also enjoys returning the favor. Jyn never minded giving blowjobs, but with Cassian, she likes to do it.

He makes such a lovely sight when she goes down on him, open-mouthed and panting, hips rocking gently. Even if she’s on her knees in front of him, she feels powerful with his cock in her mouth and him moaning prettily for her.

And she intends to give him what he wants, but not before making him work for it a bit.

She stands up and reaches for him, pressing her mouth to his, the kiss slow and sensual. Her hands lazily stroke his cock, working him to full hardness, but she’s not really touching him, as if it’s an afterthought to kissing. She wants to take her time and Cassian is an endlessly patient man so he doesn’t hurry her. They sway in one place for a good while, kissing lazily, her hand on his cock.

She breaks away before they could get too into it, and her mouth against his, she whispers, “If you don’t want to do this, tell me now.”

He swallows, his voice coming out a bit hoarse. “What exactly is this?”

Sex. Control. Domination. She doesn’t know. She wants to have him, she wants to possess him. Just for tonight, at least.

“We can figure it out later.”

There’s a pause before he makes his choice. This time, he’s the one to kiss her, and finally, they’re on the same page. It gives Jyn the permission she needs to fully take control.

Her hands slip into his hair, gripping tightly. She directs the kiss, taking and taking and not letting him take anything for himself. He tries to deepen the kiss, tries to slip his tongue into her mouth, but she refuses, stubbornly holding him in place. Her teeth catch on his lower lip, gently biting, electing a quiet groan from him. She knows he craves more and she enjoys his growing desperation. He tries to press his mouth more firmly against hers again, but she pulls away, and moves out of his reach when he chases after her mouth. Cassian looks at her incredulously, the pout on his lips almost laughable. He lets out a small noise of impatience and she smirks before latching onto his neck.

She kisses his pulse point, feeling it jump under her lips. His shoulders are tense, his back straight as a ramrod – he’s still holding onto his control, biting his lips to keep in his noises. That’s okay. Cassian is a very self-discipled man but it just makes breaking him all the more rewarding. And she will break him. He’ll be begging her to make him come before she even touches his cock.

She nibbles at his jugular, her hand sliding from his hair down to his chest. Her fingers graze his nipple before they settle on his waist, her movements slow and lazy. She’s in no hurry – yes, she’s wet, but she cares much more about him right now. She wants to hear her name spilling unbidden from his lips before she can feel satisfied enough to care about her own arousal.

She busies herself with sucking a hickey into his neck, (she skims over the one on the other side, ignores it as best as she can) pulling quiet little noises from his mouth, enjoying the way he can’t keep them in. But in her distraction, he tries to one up her. His hands go to her waist, pulling her closer against his erection and grinding against her thigh. Shit. Her center throbs and Jyn momentarily loses focus, her mouth on his neck faltering.

A second later, she brushes his hands away and pulls away to glare, but he’s already heard her gasp. No matter, she can wipe that smirk off his face again. She lunges and bites down on his neck, hard enough to bruise – a warning and assertion of power at the same time. Perhaps she also likes the thought of imprinting him, her teeth mark visible on his throat for days. A much more visible place than his hickey just peeking out of his shirt. Good luck finding anyone else to fuck looking like that.

(Mine, says a vicious voice in her head, an intrusive and selfish thought.)

Cassian hisses and jerks away, looking at her incredulously. He reads her too well because he asks, a hint of disbelief in his voice, “Are you trying to claim me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she says, still thinking, mine. She should not think of him like that, like she owns him – she doesn’t and she doesn’t want to… but oh god, she doesn’t want to share him either. And Cassian, he seems to like it.

Her tongue darts out, easing the burn of her bite with the cool touch of her tongue. She swirls her tongue around the mark for a while, then she makes her way up to his ear, pressing hot kisses on every inch of skin as she goes. She puts her mouth against his ear, breathing heavily.

“Did you let her do to you the things you let me?” she whispers, then closes her teeth around the tip of his ear, gently tugging.

Cassian shudders, leaning into her. “Not even close,” he admits, breathless.

She hums against his skin. “What did you do?” It’s masochism, wanting to know, but she has to, needs to –

“I could ask you the same question.”

She pulls away to look him in the eye, her face serious as she gazes at him. “I didn’t fuck him,” she repeats, pausing for a moment before she decides to add, “I didn’t fuck anyone.”

“Why not?”

She lets out a sharp bark of laughter, shaking her head. “Don’t make me say it.”

“Fine. Show me then.”

That, she can do. She spins them around and pushes on his chest until he flops down on the edge of his bed, his cock bouncing with the mattress. She licks her lips again; it would be easy, so easy to push aside her underwear and sink down on him, feel him twitch inside her as she rocked her hips. She’s getting wetter just thinking about it. But she has plans for him before that.

She steps closer with the intention to sit on his lap but he catches her arm to stop her. He looks up at her, his dark eyes intense and sincere. “It was nothing serious. I wasn’t even inside of her.”

Oh. That’s something, she supposes.

“Did you go down on her?”

“Yes.”

She clenches her jaw.

“Did she go down on you?”

“No. She gave me a hand job.”

She breathes through her nose and nods. “Okay.”

“You?”

“I told you already,” she says, exasperated, “we just kissed, that’s all. By the way, it was really childish of you to do that.”

He shakes his head, a wry smile on his lips. “It wasn’t revenge. I thought…” he stops, avoiding her eyes, “you wouldn’t care. I just wanted to forget a little.”

That gives her pause, her body stiffening. She can’t blame him, she thought she wouldn’t care either. But fuck, the admission still makes her heart hammer painfully in her chest, and she realizes, for the first time, that she did hurt him deeply. That had never been her intention, she only meant to spare herself from disappointment. Guilt spreads through her veins like wildfire. Now, it’s not just about claiming him anymore, not just about making him forget; it’s about making sure he knows he’s appreciated. She doesn’t want him to think –

She doesn’t know. She’s scared and confused and way in over her head, and she doesn’t know how to do this but she doesn’t want to hurt him.

“We’re quite a pair,” he says, raising his eyes up to her with a pointed look.

She lets out a breath, slowly shaking her head. “Stop talking.”

Then she unceremoniously sits on his lap and yanks his head back by his hair to expose his neck. She continues where she left off, her panties pressing against his hard cock, her tongue licking a line across his throat. She kisses down his chest, trying to cover every inch of his skin with her mouth, her hands roaming the parts she’s unable to reach. His skin is hot and flushed under her touch, a little sweaty because it’s unbearably hot and their proximity is not helping matters. Still, she feels like she can’t get close enough, feels like she wants to burrow into his skin and live there. His head is thrown back, throat moving as he swallows when she finds a particularly sensitive spot, and she watches him from the corner of her eye, cataloguing every single reaction she gets from him, no matter how small.

He’s beautiful. That’s really the only word to describe it. He’s beautiful, and the sight of him, looking blissful because of her, takes her breath away. She swirls her tongue along his nipple, taking it into her mouth and sucking, sucking, sucking, until she gets a long drawn out groan from Cassian’s mouth. His breathing is harsh and heavy, his arms slightly trembling, and she knows his composure is breaking.

Time to step up the pace.

She climbs out of his lap and drops between his thighs, nudging them apart with her hands. His cock is hard as a rock, precum leaking from the tip, and she can’t stop herself from pressing her legs together. Ignoring her own urges, she leans down to caress his thigh with her lips. She kisses his firm muscles, letting her tongue dart out, sinking her teeth into his leg. He tastes salty but she kind of likes it, likes how his hips jerk as she sucks his skin into her mouth. Another mark, but one only she would get to see. She likes the thought of that too.

Her hand slides up his other leg, just stroking his skin. Cassian rocks his hips again, tries to arch into her touch, and when she refuses to acknowledge his silent plea, he lets out another pained moan.

“Jyn. Jesus, please.”

There it is. The magic word she’s been wanting to hear. She smirks up at him from between his thighs, raising her eyebrows. “What was that?”

“Please,” he gasps out, apparently not bothering with subtlety anymore.

She wraps her hand around his cock, gently stroking him. “Is this what you want?” she asks, her expression innocent, knowing it’s not.

“No,” he whimpers but his hips hitch anyway. “Come on.”

“What do you want then?” She keeps her voice even, patient, but she’s getting antsy too. She never did have Cassian’s rigid discipline.

“You… your mouth, please.” Her hand tightens around him and the end of his sentence trails into a gasp. Finally.

“Since you asked so nicely.”

She lowers her head, and first, sucks only the tip into her mouth. Her eyes close but she can feel him looking at her, admiring her. She bets his hands are gripping the sheets, holding onto his self-control while she’s slowly chipping it away with her mouth. She teases him a little, swirling her tongue along his head, her hand running along his shaft. His breathing picks up, quiet sighs escaping, but he stays still. She imagines his fists tightening around the sheets, his face flushed from the extortion, his eyes dark and hooded.

She pulls away, assesses his current state, (dead on description) and gives him a wicked grin before she opens her mouth to guide him deeper with her hand. The moan he lets out is strangled and delicious, and his hand immediately flies to her hair to twist it fiercely. She slides back to his tip and releases him with a wet pop, his cock glistening from her mouth.

“Ah-ah.” She slaps his hand away, giving him a warning look. Sometimes she likes it when he pulls on her hair, guides her movements as he fucks her face, but tonight, that’s not how she wants to play it. “I want your hands behind your back, Cassian. Tell me you won’t move them.”

She knows she can count on him for that even without bondage. His desire to please and be good for her is too great. As pretty as he looks with his hands tied behind his back, there’s also something really sexy about him choosing to obey her orders.

And he does, putting his hands behind his back, his throat moving as he swallows. “I – I won’t move them.”

“Good boy.” She gives him an arrogant smirk, giving his hard, slick length a slow pump. “Show me that famous self-control of yours.”

She puts her mouth back on him, delighting even in the small puff of air he lets out. He always starts out relatively quiet at first, still holding onto his composure, and slowly unraveling the longer and deeper they get into it. Sometimes, part of the fun is seeing how fast she can get him to that point. Her record is three minutes.

Her eyes close again but all of her senses are hyper-aware of him and every noise he makes. She brings half his length into her mouth and sucks, her tongue teasing, running lines and circles along his shaft. Her hand slides up his thigh, feather light, caressing his skin, her other gripping and rubbing the base of his cock. Soon, Cassian is panting, squirming under her hands, his whole body wrecked by shudders. He doesn’t try to control her or set a pace that would make him come quickly, but he’s clearly struggling, wanting more, and she thinks she might break that record tonight.

She tightens her mouth around him and begins moving her head up and down, slowly but steadily increasing her pace. Soon, the filthy wet sounds of her mouth fill the room, interrupted only by Cassian’s harsh breathing, loud grunts, and, occasionally, her own small mewls. She’s lost in him, just as much as he is. Her knees hurt, his cock choking the breath out of her, but she doesn’t stop.

“Fuck, Jyn,” he hisses, a low growl building in the back of his throat.

She opens her eyes and looks up at him. He’s watching her, the way her throat moves, the way she bobs her head up and down. She’s watching him too, the wonder in his eyes, mouth agape, looking wrecked and absolutely delicious. God, she doesn’t even care about her own release at this point.

His arms are so tense, she can tell he wants to move them, hold onto her hair and fuck into her mouth. Instead, he holds himself steady and keeps them behind his back, just like she told him to. Admirable, really – she might not have been able to resist.

She releases him, running her tongue along the length of him, pressing a kiss against the head. She takes several deep breaths, her hand stroking his cock while she collects herself.

“Do you like that, Cass?” she asks, emboldened by the way he was watching her, hypnotized. “The sight of your cock in my mouth?”

His chest heaves, shuddering, and he gives her several weak nods. His cheeks are flushed, his eyes wild and pleading. She’s satisfied enough to lower her head again, intending to make him watch as she slowly wraps her mouth around him, but he stops her.

“Jyn, wait.” His voice is scratchy, trembling, and he swallows hard before continuing. “Can you take off your bra?”

Easily done. She reaches behind her to unclasp said bra and flings it somewhere across the room without a second thought. He drinks her in greedily, lips parting in desire. His gaze wanders lower where she’s wet and throbbing, but fuck, she doesn’t want to be thinking about that right now. Trying to shake her own arousal out of her mind, she focuses on his cock.

“Now.” She grips him, purposeful. “Watch.”

She keeps her gaze on him, maintaining eye contact, and making sure to go slow as she hollows her cheeks and swallows him again, slides his cock inside her mouth until he hits the back of her throat and she almost chokes. God, he’s beautiful, hands still behind his back, eyes on her, even though they keep fluttering closed. Sweat gathers on his forehead, hair still damp from his shower, and he’s all hers, just hers.

“Jyn,” he practically sobs, and he sounds so good and so close, she can’t resist prompting him.

“Tell me you want me,” she says, pulling away only to get the words out.

She needs to know, needs to hear –

“I want you. I only want you.”

He knows her so well, knows what she wanted to hear all along. All hers. The ache between her thighs becomes almost unbearable but she pushes through, sucks harder, faster, determined to finish him off. He’s close and she wants to see him unraveling for her, wants to feel him come in her mouth, wants to swallow him up.

“I want to come in your mouth,” he gasps out, mouth falling open. “Can I – can I, please –”

She squeezes his leg in reply, holding his gaze, hazy with lust. His hips begin moving steadily, unable to help himself, but she doesn’t care anymore, won’t stop to admonish him now. She wouldn’t care even if he grabbed her hair to hold her steady while he fucked into her; but he doesn’t, obediently keeping his hands where they are. Her mouth tightens around him, her rhythm never faltering, and he spills hot into her mouth with a cry of her name.

She swallows every last drop of him as he slowly stills, body slackening around a long exhale. Releasing him with a loud pop, she places one last kiss on his length, then stands up. She’s panting just as much as he is, her legs feeling a little shaky, her knees screaming, but it was worth it. So worth it to hear him call her name and look at her in wonder and to know he doesn’t desire anybody but her.

He lets out a long groan of exhaustion and falls back on the bed. She smirks, satisfied with herself, and admiring the picture he paints: sweaty, spent, naked. Purple bruises are already blooming on his neck and thigh where she marked him. His eyes are closed, a hand behind his head as his chest rises and falls with every breath he takes. He looks absolutely destroyed; not to mention, unbelievably gorgeous.

She kneels on the bed next to him, running her fingers along his arm. When his eyes open to squint up at her, she raises her eyebrows, silently asking if he’s okay. His lips twist into a half-smile, happy and sated, his brown eyes warm. So warm, in fact, that she feels like she must look away, run away.

It’s a disaster. She’s let him see too much of her already.

He sits up, hands finding the small of her back, tugging her closer to him. “It’s your turn,” he breathes, voice husky.

She wants to protest, wants to say that she has to go, but his mouth finds her neck and caresses her skin as he gently pushes her to lay back. His leg slips between her thighs as he hovers above her, the weight of him torturous, and fuck, she’s so wet and so far gone.

She can’t guarantee she won’t lose herself if she stays. It’s not a risk she can take; even if her heart, body, and the dumber part of her brain is screaming at her to stay.

But then he groans her name, as if he’s the one getting something out of this, by kissing her neck and touching her body, and the words she wants to say slip out of her mind. Instead, comes an excuse, “I need some water.”

Cassian places one last kiss on her throat, then pulls away, eyes on her back until she disappears from the room. In the kitchen, she pauses, lets out a heavy exhale, tries to regroup. She takes long gulps from the glass she fills, breathing deeply, her thoughts running a hundred miles per hour. When she goes back to his room, she’s going to tell him she’s leaving. She can do this. It’s the right choice.

She fills a glass for him too, then pads back to his room. He’s waiting for her on his bed, hair a little less messy than she’s left it, his cheeks flushed but his breathing normal. He gives her a small smile when she enters and she tries to return it but it feels tight and fake.

She watches him drink for a second but quickly turns away when she finds herself too enticed by the way his throat moves. Ridiculous.

Awkwardness settles over them. She doesn’t know what to do with her hands and she finds herself instinctively clutching her necklace. She should say something now, before this gets more uncomfortable than it is, but it feels like there are rocks in her throat and she can’t get a word out. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, she thinks bitterly.

She hears him stand up, place his glass on the nightstand, and walk up behind her. She tenses in anticipation, unsure what he’s going to do, and she almost jerks when he places a kiss on her shoulder. “Relax,” he murmurs, his breath caressing her skin.

Nice of him to try, she thinks, a twinge of guilt twisting her gut. She wishes she could be someone else, someone who could love him freely and without fear. Someone like he deserves.

Her voice is hesitant, reluctant, and apologetic all at once. “It’s late, I should get home – ”

Cassian immediately pulls away. She’s scared to turn around and look at him, all too capable of imagining the way his jaw clenches and hurt flashes in his eyes. She knows it’s cowardly to have this conversation with her back to him, and yet.

“That’s not how this works, Jyn, not anymore.” But he lets go of her waist and takes a step back. He’s obviously not going to stop her but he’s making a stand. She doesn’t move, missing the warmth of his chest. “You want me, you give yourself in return. I’m not going to play it one sided.”

He doesn’t say it but she knows: if she walks out here tonight, she’s walking out for good.

And that’s… fair, really. She doesn’t have the right to ask that of him, to just take and give nothing in return. But giving away parts of herself is a foreign and terrifying concept and if she’s not willing to try… she should just let him go. A thought that hurts more than she’s expected.

Some things might be worth the risk, she thinks, and this might be one of them.

A long breath rattles in her chest and her resolve snaps like a thin thread. Blindly, she reaches out and wraps her hand around his wrist. Maybe she’s willing to try.

Cassian laces their fingers together and steps forward to rest his chin on her collarbone. His mouth inches from her skin, his breath spills across her body and sends shivers down her spine. Her eyes involuntarily fall closed. Cassian crowds her thoughts, her senses focused on his soft lips fluttering across her bare shoulder. Longing, want, stronger than she’s ever felt, flares up in her belly, and it’s not just physical lust. It’s a desire for all of him, good and bad, body and mind; it’s a desire to be with him, have him. It’s desire like she’s never known.

For seconds, he stays still, just holding onto her, breathing her in. She tries not to move, tries to let him take the first step when he’s ready, but the need she feels… Well, it’s never felt like need before.

“Cassian,” she gasps when she thinks she can’t take it anymore, his name a plea on her lips. He’s barely touching her, yet she feels like she can’t breathe, feels like she’s losing her mind. Her chest heaves with every inhale, wondering when she’s gotten so out of breath.

He lets go of her hand to hold her hips steady and kisses the spot where her shoulder meets her neck. She sighs, small pleased noises, as his mouth explores the line of her throat, his fingers a warm pressure on her hips, holding her in place. He seems to be taking his time, leisurely sucking on her neck, slowly dragging his mouth from one shoulder to the other. She remembers the way he told her, “it’s your turn,” and knows he meant it. Cassian does nothing in halves, and if Jyn had her jealousy to want to see him come undone for her, then he has his months of unrequited pining. She’ll gladly allow him the satisfaction of having her completely tonight.

One of his hands ghosts over her panties before it rests flat against her stomach, and she wiggles, a whine stuck in her throat. He chuckles against her neck, a low throaty laugh, the sound and the vibrations doing something funny to her pulse. It didn’t take him long to work her up, she laments, but she was already a mess when he was just breathing against her shoulder. It would be embarrassing, had he not come so prettily in her mouth earlier. She knows she has a great effect on him too.

Cassian gently bites her neck and she can’t bother to think about how vulnerable she’s being anymore. All of her focus is on his hand, slowly sliding down her stomach, then distracting her by cupping her breast. He kneads the soft flesh, twists her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, kisses her cheek. He waits until her attention is elsewhere to find her center. Jyn gasps in surprise, eyes fluttering closed, and he rubs her firmly through her panties until she sinks back against his chest and lets out a broken mewl. She’s wet and panting, hips rocking, and Cassian is breathing harshly in her ear. His cock twitches against her thigh, and she would push back against him, rub her ass on him until he fully hardens but she knows this is Cassian’s show now. She would let him lead.

Mercifully, he slides her underwear down her legs and turns her around as she steps out of them. She looks up at him with hooded eyes, waiting for her cue, and he brushes her hair away from her face and cups her cheek. So gently, so innocently, she nearly feels like crying, overwhelmed by the whirlwind of emotions she’s experiencing.

“Are you good?” His voice is quiet but steady. He’s giving her an out, just like she’s given him one, and she doesn’t even entertain the thought of taking it anymore.

“Yeah,” she breathes, and she sounds eager even to her own ears. Eager to just… be taken by him. He must hear it too, and he nods, assuming the leading position.

“Then lay down,” he nods towards the bed, and she follows his instructions, making herself comfortable on his bed. He stops to admire her naked form sprawled out on his sheets, and she wonders what he sees, besides her heaving chest and messy hair. Wonders if he sees how much she wants him, how much she needs him, how goddamn turned on she is.

He stops at the foot of the bed and pushes her legs apart. She almost groans when his hungry eyes linger on her glistening wetness, dripping down her thigh, and he actually has to swallow. If he didn’t already know how wet she was, he sure does now.

He drops to his knees and yanks on her legs until her ass lays just at the edge, and her open thighs are in front of his head. His breath hits her clit and she jumps, a knee-jerk reaction, her body trying to push her closer to his mouth. Cassian determinedly ignores it and kisses up her legs instead.

He gathers the wetness that dripped down her thighs and licks it all up. When it’s gone, he uses two fingers to gently circle her clit, collecting more wetness, then sucking it into his mouth like a lollipop. (Or like she’s sucked his cock into her mouth earlier. The thought has her hips hitching a little.)

Her eyes flutter but she tries to focus on him, on the sight he makes between her legs. Her center throbs, and she so desperately wants his hands on her again to alleviate the burn but she doesn’t dare rush him. Cassian has a tendency to slow down the more she begs – he’s capable of dragging it out for hours if he sets his mind to it. She doesn’t think she could take that tonight; she’s too wound up, sexually and emotionally, to withstand it.

“Cass,” she whispers as he releases his wet fingers with a pop and trails them slowly across her belly.

“Would you like to taste yourself?” he asks, voice gruff but even.

Fuck, if it means he touches her again, then yes.

She nods mutely, keeping her mouth closed to contain the helpless whimpers she feels like making. Her hips arch into his hand as he rubs her clit again a couple of times, his fingers dripping wet and glistening when he pulls them away.

“Open up,” he drawls, and sticks them inside her mouth when she obeys. She sucks on them greedily, moaning when she smells and tastes herself on Cassian’s fingers. The intimacy of the moment surprises her. This has never been a particular kink of hers – until now.

His lips find hers as soon as he’s pulled his fingers out of her mouth, like he can’t stop himself from taking more of her. Jyn kisses back eagerly, tilting her head up for a deeper angle, tangling her hand in his hair at the nape of his neck. He likes to be scratched and pulled there, and he doesn’t disappoint, hips rutting against hers when she tugs. His cock rubs against her, so close, so close, and fuck, she doesn’t even care anymore if he doesn’t go down on her, if he skips foreplay, she’s just desperate for any kind of friction.

He kisses her neck, her shoulder, and down her chest, between her breasts to her bellybutton and waistline. He lingers at certain birthmarks, reverently kisses some of her old scars she earned during a bike accident or her rebellious teenage years, and her new bruises from MMA class. He strokes her legs up and down and twists her nipple while he’s busy sucking a hickey into her stomach. Then he reaches her waist and trails a horizontal line of kisses across her skin from left to right. She’s quivering by the time he’s finished, by the time he’s only inches away from her clit. And just when she thinks he’s going to move away and continue his torment elsewhere, perhaps kiss up her leg and thighs, he moves down and kisses her center instead.

She didn’t think he would go down on her so soon. Perhaps that’s the point.

“Oh, fuck,” she groans, so overstimulated, even the slightest touch feels fucking fantastic. And it’s not just the slightest touch; Cassian, he’s not starting easy. He goes right for it, devouring her like a starving man. It’s not what she expected, not the slow build she thought he would go for, and his warm insistent tongue is almost too much pressure on her swollen clit.

All of her senses fade away as her world narrows down to Cassian between her legs, unaware of the soft sheets beneath her body, of how hard she’s gripping them, of the soft mewls she’s making with each swipe of his tongue, of her hips rocking helplessly against his mouth. He spreads her lips and licks inside and her eyes roll into the back of her head, her gasping breath silently begging for more, begging for less, just begging for mercy.

He grabs her hips so she cannot control the pressure, the rhythm, cannot arch her hips anymore – she can only feel as he forces her to stay still and take it. She blinks her eyes open, (she has no idea when they’ve closed) and tries to push herself up on her elbows to watch him and perhaps gain a little leverage.

And oh, she can watch him alright, his dark hair moving between her legs a magnificent sight, but his grip tightens on her hips, a clear warning that he’s still in control. Jyn could fight it but it’s more rewardable to succumb to it and let herself be held down, even if it feels like she’s losing her damn mind.

Cassian continues to fuck her with his mouth and she sobs, unable to do anything but watch. When he finds a good spot, he flicks his tongue against it over and over again until she keens and throws her head back and grabs fistfuls of his hair. She wants to move her hips, wants to rut and rub against his mouth, but she can’t, forced to stay still, while he fucks her into oblivion. Her legs shake, and it’s not like she usually holds back noises but she’s pretty sure she’s never been this loud before. Well, she’s pretty sure Cassian’s never been this demanding before. It feels too much but she thinks she’d die if he stopped.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, please, don’t stop,” she begs him, only half-aware she’s doing it, tugging on his hair, the only leverage she has right now. Cassian responds by bringing his hand to her center, circling her clit, then sliding a finger inside her. His tongue flicks against her again and again and she loses it.

She comes with a howl, his name lost in there somewhere, her back arching and her legs shaking around his head. He guides her through it, wraps his free hand around her wrist and strokes her skin. She quietens, eventually, settling back against the bed, Cassian giving her clit one last kiss, then her thigh, before he pulls himself up to kiss her. She’s barely kissing him back, unable to do much but lay there.

As she comes to her senses and lets go of the sheets, she realizes her arms hurt from gripping them so hard. She barely pays mind to it, a loud exhale leaving her, her eyes falling closed – she’s completely spent.

But Cassian is not done and she knows it, wants to feel him inside of her too. She just can’t make herself move right now. So she lets him stroke her hair, push the strands out of her eyes, a weak noise escaping her when his hand ghosts across her nipples. She rocks her hips, tangles her leg with his to let him know she’s willing.

“Please,” she sighs, eyes closed, voice content. He kisses her neck and grabs her hips to position her better against his cock. She has no energy to do anything but lay there and whimper as he slips inside her, slowly, letting her feel every inch of him.

First, his strokes are lazy, unhurried. He rides her like he has no care in the world, peppering her neck and shoulder with a thousand kisses, moving slow but deep inside her. Jyn lets out small sighs, occasionally cants her hips up, runs her hands all over his arms and back. It’s nice to just feel for a second, without the burning desire for more, more, more.

Slowly, she regains her energy, her arousal building, and she begins responding more earnestly: lifting her hips to meet his thrusts, hooking her legs over his waist. She opens her eyes and kisses him, the heat between them building. Cassian gradually increases his pace, giving a particularly deep thrust that has her moaning into his mouth.

When she grabs onto his waist and meets his thrusts more forcefully, urging him to go faster, he sits up and brings her with him. There’s a bit of maneuvering, and she ends up sitting on his lap, carefully lowering herself onto him. Fuck, she can’t hold in a deep guttural groan, his cock stretching her deeper like this. She’ll never get over how full she feels with him inside her.

Cassian groans too, eyes glazed over in the way she loves. He cups her cheek, gives her a searing kiss, slowly dragging his hand down her neck and chest. When he pulls away, their foreheads press against each other’s, and the look in his eyes is almost too much but she doesn’t look away. For once, she doesn’t try to hide.

The angle is just perfect to kiss and suck another bruise on his neck, and she indulges herself, loving the noises she coaxes out of Cassian. His fingers bite into her skin as she scratches her teeth down his throat and bounces on his cock, and when she feels like she can’t take it anymore, she moans and breathes into his mouth, “I love the way you feel inside me.”

Cassian gives a sharp thrust in response, his eyes wild and dark, his hands grabbing her waist to hold her still while he fucks up into her. He’s determined and eager, and her needy moans get increasingly high-pitched as he fucks her without abandon, fucks her without pause until she comes stifling her whimpers against his mouth.

After she comes down from her high, she intends to ride him into his own orgasm, but Cassian seems to have other plans. Her words have triggered a deep primal part of him and an animalistic fire still burns bright in his eyes. He flips her around, on her hands and knees, and enters her from behind in a swift, deep thrust. A surprised gasp leaves her, and she already knows he’s going to make her come again, and this is going to be more intense, more powerful than before.

Fuck, he’s already really deep, and Jyn is still shaking from her orgasm. His thick cock moves in and out of her at a relentless pace, giving her no time to catch her breath, no time to collect herself. He grips her hips, fucks her senselessly, and her mouth falls open, her breathing coming out in a pained drawn out whimper.

Oh, she was wrong. She was wrong – this is what it’s like when he’s demanding. This is what it’s like when he really wants to make her his.

Her arms and legs eventually give out and she collapses onto the bed, but he never stops or slows down, just lifts her hips to maintain the angle, able to slip even deeper inside her like this. The position also gives him more control; she’s completely at his mercy. She drops her head onto the pillow and sobs, shoulders shaking, her hips jerking against his thrusts, every part of her on fire. It has never – even when it was good, when it was really good, it has never felt like this. It has never felt so good that it was almost unbearable. She thinks she might pass out, and at this point, she’s not sure she’d mind.

Cassian has been talking to her, endearments and encouragements, praises and compliments. His voice is full of tension unlike she’s ever heard – strained, barely contained, almost painful.

“That’s it, fuck, Jyn, you’re so good. I’m going to come so hard in you. You’re so beautiful, you feel so good.”

Distantly, she marvels over how pliant he was under her hand just a little while ago, and how dominant he’s being now, like he never willingly submitted to her. It’s a faraway thought, her brain muddy, and when she opens her mouth, all that comes out is his name in a weak whisper.

She releases a shuddering breath, listening to his moans with each thrust, then lifts her head and tries again.

“I’m –”

He gives a forceful thrust and she lets out a sob.

“Ohhhhh, I want to come, please.”

“Not yet,” he gasps, his voice wheezy. He sounds close too. Which is good because she can’t fucking take it anymore.

“No,” she whimpers. “Now. Fuck, Cassian, please. It hurts. Please. Please, I need to – oh, fuck.”

He leans down, body covering hers as he kisses and bites her neck, scratches her teeth along her collarbone.

“Come on, you can hold on a little for me.”

“I can’t,” she sobs, “I can’t, I can’t. Fuuuuuuuuuuck.”

It’s overwhelming, the sensations, the feeling, his cock inside her, and she doesn’t know how to contain herself.

“I can’t, Cassian.” She’s gasping, her knuckles white as she grips the sheets, her legs shaking like a leaf in the wind. She’s dizzy with it.

“It’s too much,” she sobs, and he stills for a moment, strokes her wet hair plastered against her cheek. She’s still whimpering, quiet weak noises, almost on the verge of crying.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“God, no,” she gasps, barely believing that he’s asking. “Please, no.”

Cassian picks up his pace, pushes into her without mercy or reprise, and her breath is failing her. She’s so so close, and it feels so good, it hurts – this is why they call it the little death.

“Tell me you love my cock,” he says suddenly in a strangled voice, an order and a plea at the same time.

She’d give him anything he wants.

“Yes. Yes, Cassian, I love your cock. I love your cock. I love – I love the way it feels in me, I love it, please, just – please.”

She’s there, finally, and Cassian doesn’t stop or tell her to wait. A long drawn out cry tears from her throat, the force of her release knocking the air from her lungs. Cassian jerks his hips against her a couple of times before she feels him spill hot inside her, her name on his lips. Relief and bliss floods through her, and time ceases to exist – she’s not completely sure she doesn’t black out for a couple of seconds there.

She’s never come so hard in her life.

Cassian lets go of her hips and she slumps on the bed, face in the pillow, breathing like she’s run a marathon. She’s unable to move, to even turn on her back. Cassian falls next to her, similarly out of breath, taking a few seconds to catch his breath. He turns to her, running his hand along her shoulder blades, gently turning her around so she’s lying on her side, facing him.

“You okay?” He asks, his voice raspy.

She swallows, nodding, barely able to speak. “Yeah.”

“It wasn’t too much?”

She laughs a little, a hoarse sound. “Well, it was. But I liked it.”

“Do you need something?”

She shrugs. She’s never allowed him take care of her after. It felt too much like a relationship when it was only supposed to be fuck and leave. But she’s coming around to the idea that this thing between them might be a relationship, so she rasps, “Water.”

He’s out of the bed in a second and Jyn almost misses his body heat even though he’s only gone for a moment. He strokes her damp hair while she drinks, and she closes her eyes, leans into his touch after she finishes. It takes everything in her not to snuggle closer. She’s exhausted. She would like nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms right now.

Overstimulated and sensitive from the multiple orgasms she had, the thought makes her want to cry.

As if sensing her thoughts, he begins, his tone gentle and quiet, “I know you want me. I know you don’t want anyone else.” She opens her eyes and he quickly shakes his head, a soothing gesture. “You don’t have to say it, it’s okay. We don’t have to put labels on it if you don’t want to. Just let me be with you.”

There it is. He’s so soft and understanding, and really, he’s right, because she does want him and she doesn’t want anyone else. The floodgates open and tears slip down her face, along with a couple of sobs.

“Hey.” He sounds worried now, and he cups her cheek, attempting to wipe away her tears. “What’s wrong?”

Nothing and everything at the same time – she shakes her head, unsure how to explain it. Everything she’s been feeling for him kept under lock and key pours out of her.

She takes deep gasping breaths, attempting to fight down her sobs to speak. “You… you make me want things… that I don’t know how to want.”

Like a relationship, commitment, non-sexual intimacy. All these things that scare the shit out of her. She doesn’t know if they are – if he is worth the pain it would cause her to lose him. But she does know she can’t deny her feelings anymore.

When she gazes up into Cassian’s eyes, they are nothing but tender and understanding. There’s no judgement or pressure. It gives her a bit of strength to get out the words:

“I do want you. I want to try,” she says, voice shaky but sure. She sniffs a little, wiping at her cheek. “I don't know how but I want to try. I've never wanted to until you.”

She hopes he knows, understands, just how much it took for her to admit that. He nods a few times, his fingers pushing her hair behind her ear, playing with a couple of strands.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Jyn, you take all the time you need.” She sees the sincerity in his eyes but he pauses, his voice becoming strained. “I just… don’t want to share you with anyone else.”

She huffs a small laugh, whispering, “Me neither.”

That became evident enough tonight. The obvious solution is to be together; it’s what they both want. It sounds simple in theory so why is it so hard in practice?

“So we don’t,” Cassian proposes, aiming for a casual tone but she can tell how much it matters to him. “No labels, we just… see where it goes. Exclusively.”

“Okay,” she breathes and snuggles closer to his chest. “Exclusively.”

She wipes away the last of her tears, (she can’t believe she let herself cry in front of him, in front of anyone) and he strokes her hair, gently combing through the strands.

She snorts as a thought occurs to her. “It’s like you fucked me into finally letting out my emotions.”

Cassian laughs quietly and she grins to herself, feeling quite content in his arms.

It isn’t official, they aren’t boyfriend-girlfriend. But they are exclusive and for now, that’s enough.