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Jiang Cheng trusts Wei Ying to score him a date for the first time and almost immediately regrets it.
He gets a text with information pertaining the date's location - it's a fancy french restaurant with huge swirling italics on the logo, and it's frankly kind of concerning. He's not the richest guy around the block, and while scrolling down the website's menu for dinner options he could feel his wallet ascending to heaven. Apparently a pint of wasabi looking paste cost just as much as a tub of nutella.
He isn't the most eligable bachelor. He has a dark and long history with blackmailers lurking on tinder and since then have developed a flaming hatred for the app. Even way back in middle school his crushes were tragic, especially that time when his affections were for Wen Ning's hot older sister Wen Qing whom he went out of his way just to watch her work her shift at their town's run-down McDonald's.
So, he has terrible luck in romance.
With that being said, wouldn't it be suspicious if he, the black sheep of romance, suddenly scored a man? That if fate decided, "Oh we're done with you Jiang Cheng, here's a girlfriend for compensation" there would be a catch?
Oh that would be so shitty.
You couldn't really blame him for being so skeptical about Wei Ying's promise to find him a good date. Knowing just what kind of person Wei Ying is, this could possibly be an elaborate April Fools day prank five months late. He pictures it clearly – him going into this fancy restaurant with all these expensive ass plates already ordered, and when he looks at the person sitting across him it's just a sack of potatoes with a big folded letter stuck to it, the words "Got U Jiang Cheng Hahaha" scribbled all over in red sharpie.
But the night is spent so accordingly Jiang Cheng thinks it might be a joke.
Lan Xichen is a gorgeous guy, defined features lit up by hazy red-toned candles to set the mood. He's the very definition of a good catch – his aura is gentle and not so abrasive, princely and kind. His conversation topics range flexibly. It's nice. Almost way too nice.
Jiang Cheng wouldn't consider himself an amateur when it came to the art of dating (he's been through so many he can't count them on his fingers anymore), but something about Lan Xichen is so fishy he can't stop putting his guard up. Not even the roasted lobster is delicious enough for him to enjoy the night – which he knows he's supposed to enjoy, but it's hard for him to accept good things are actually happening to his miserable love life. Patiently, pessimistically, he's just preparing himself for the moment where everything goes downhill.
He's been quiet, busying himself with bitter wine, hiding his face in his glass. Lan Xichen notices, of course, Jiang Cheng had never expected immaculate and charming Xichen to let anything get pass himself.
"Are you not enjoying this night, Jiang Cheng?" There isn't an inkling of annoyance in the tone of his voice, it's just a plain question. Lan Xichen is patient, but Jiang Cheng wonders just how long his patience can go on without snapping at him.
Jiang Cheng sighs. "No."
He half-expects for Lan Xichen to apologize, but he doesn't. "Me too."
They make eye-contact and sure enough the agreement is there – they just aren't compatible at all. Simply put, Jiang Cheng isn’t the princess to Lan Xichen’s prince charming. They are a candle that is slowly dying out, but it's not like they've been lit in the first place.
"Do you want to end this?" Lan Xichen is still smiling although this entire evening has been rotten down by his date. Jiang Cheng tries to find a spark – anywhere, anywhere – but Xichen's eyes are still a boring, warm toned brown, and no matter how hauntingly pretty he is Jiang Cheng just can’t find himself to like him more than just appreciation for his looks.
Jiang Cheng nods grimly. "Yeah, sorry about that."
Lan Xichen is agreeable. "Sure just leave these to me."
That's last time Jiang Cheng expects to meet Lan Xichen, or at least go on another romantic endeavor with him, because here is another thing – Lan Xichen is actually Wei Ying's brother in law. It makes sense because there is no way anyone as righteous as Lan Xichen would even willingly hang out with Wei Ying, the demonic disaster, and also explains why Wei Ying was so insistent on him going on that date.
Jiang Cheng thinks the world is as equally morally fucked as Wei Ying – because he's been dealing with the brat for more than twenty years and he's still lonely and single, while Wei Ying himself gets married to a perfect handsome business industrialist all the while torturing Jiang Cheng's afternoon naps with wake-up calls and cravings for Bolognese.
It's a hard life he lives.
"Hi, Jiang Cheng." It is certainly a strange sight to see Lan Xichen dressed up in sweats and a plain white t-shirt. It's pouring outside, so Jiang Cheng reckons he's cooped up in this crowded 7-11 like the rest of them, fools without umbrellas, until the storm subsides. It kind of eerie, because that means Lan Xichen is human too. That he eats instant cup noodles and drinks powdered coffee just like everyone else.
There is a beep from the cash register. Lan Xichen doesn't leave when he receives his plastic bag, he just waits on the sidelines good naturedly.
Jiang Cheng is also holding a cup of the same instant noodles and also coincidentally the same packet of Nestlé 3-in-one instant coffee. He wants to think that hey, this might be a sign that they might still have a chance at it, but he glances over to all the other people in the line – they too all have the same pattern of food choices, the same coffee, the same noodles. It kind of dampens his mood.
"Xichen." He at least acknowledges the guy. He slides 5 dollars across the table for the cashier to take and grabs the plastic bag – when he turns Lan Xichen is still there, usually accommodating face irritating to Jiang Cheng. Could he stop that? Like everything. Existing. Someone as perfect as him should just not exist.
Although he can visibly see Jiang Cheng's face darkening, twitching and frowning, Lan Xichen remains the most unbothered.
"How have you been?"
"Fucking horrible." Jiang Cheng's glad that they're past the "I have to impress you with a totally fake personality stage" – he can swear however he wants now, and put as much sugar as he wants in his coffee without stupid people like Wei Ying telling him he's more like the pure black bitter coffee type. "My life's going horrible. Still single."
Lan Xichen is amused. He follows Jiang Cheng into the aisle with the hot water and fills his noodle cup with the dispenser. His eyes never leave Jiang Cheng's though, which is just plain creepy.
But it's actually kind of nice.
"May I remind you that I'm in the same boat you are in?"
Lan Xichen has the humor of an old man. Jiang Cheng moves past him towards the tables – it's no surprise when he feels the table sink on the opposite side it's still Lan Xichen's persistent ass trying to pick up some conversation.
There's no interest when he decides to amuse the other man. "Oh really, how'd that happen?"
Jiang Cheng is fully aware of his annoyed and ticked off expression, but he has no intention to change it. It's already something he's given up on years ago. His noodles are still steaming hot – it burns off his lower lip and suddenly he's sputtering and making a fool out of himself in front of Lan Xichen a second time. He doesn't have the time to feel sorry for himself – he fumbles for his cup of lukewarm coffee. It doesn't help.
Suddenly there's a cold object pressing against his forearm. He looks up and Lan Xichen is urging for him to drink from a water bottle. The cap is open, and he presses it against his swollen peeling lips.
Jiang Cheng isn't a complete asshole so he thanks the other man grudgingly. "Thanks."
Maybe he'd like Lan Xichen if he had been born just a little more flawed.
The next time they meet, it's during Wei Ying and Lan Wangji's wedding anniversary.
It isn't really anything fancy compared to their lavish parties along the prior years – Wei Ying had ordered a truckload of pizzas and his husband picked out nice assortments of refined alcohol. The invitation was so exclusive that there were only ten people overall who were invited.
It's starts off amiable enough. Nie Huaisang is taking photos of the nice view from their balcony, and Wei Ying's system isn't wracked completely with alcohol yet. In fact at one point Jiang Cheng believes the night won't spiral into complete disaster. Somewhere around eleven-thirty though Wen Ning yells out a drunken request to play some truth or dare, and the thought disappears immediately. They're all out of college, grown ass adults with decent paycheck and this is the game they decide to play. Maybe it's a homage to all the times they got fucked over by this game in highschool. It nostalgic but not in the good way – there is a buried memory in his head when he had to pull Wei Ying back from dry-humping Xu Mengjie right there on the carpet of Nie Mingjue's parent's floor. Not fun times for the designated driver squad like Jiang Cheng.
They're all naturally dragged into it. Jiang Cheng takes a seat next to Nie Huaisang and engages in a conversation he's actually looking forward to.
"Hey."
They haven't seen each other in while but it's comforting to be in the presence of an old friend. Nie Huaisang has only gotten prettier over the years, but that also means he's gotten smarter. There's this wrong impression of the guy circulating around that he's this wimp who can't pull up his fists in the same way his older brother does – but they're wrong. Their ignorance might be the end of them.
Although Nie Huaisang isn't the purest angel on the block, the smile he offers Jiang Cheng is genuine. "Hey A-Cheng. 'S been a while."
They use a wine bottle to pick the unlucky pair, and it lands on Wei Ying and Mian Mian, with Mian Mian being on the receiving end and no not in that way. There's that god-awful smirk on Wei Ying's face that everyone knows will get him in trouble. He can feel the collective energy of "oh no"s rising in the room – but Lan Wangji is here, watching Wei Ying's every move like a hawk and that honest to god is the only reason why they haven't stopped him yet.
"Hey, Mian Mian, I heard about that one time you told Chan about your hot ex-boyfriend – was that hot ex-boyfriend, by any chance, me?"
It's irritating - Wei Ying already knows the truth, but he's just saying this so he can get a kick out of it and for his ego to bloat up like a goddamn air balloon. There's also that underlying tone that he's also doing this to get Lan Wangji jealous – it's a gross thought to think about but it's a definitive scheme to get laid.
Mian Mian spits into her shot glass. Jiang Cheng's always admired her. "You wish, you inflated garbage bag."
The rest of the evening is persistent with the same chaotic energy – at one point Nie Huaisang is lap dancing sloppily over a fucking empty chair so he's basically just grinding, and Lan Wangji is shirtless (but nobody's complaining about that one). It's just one big awful mess, and it hits an all time low when the bottle spins on him and Wei Ying's face reflects on the tinted glass of the wine bottle.
"Jiang Cheng." Wei Ying drawls out, slouching all over Lan Wangji's side, only partly wasted. "Why don't you give your shirt to the one on your right?"
You'd think that karma had enough laughs out of him, but he's learned to never think that. It shouldn't have been surprising, but he jolts when he whips his head around and Lan Xichen is sitting cross-legged, composure somehow still intact even after Nie Huaisang's tragic turn. Jiang Cheng is immediately filled with dread – he might just be inclined to fall off Lan Wangji and Wei Ying's balcony and never return to the mortal world for thirteen years.
He really really wants Lan Xichen to refuse the dare – he can, he is one of the few people that Wei Ying actually respects – but he doesn't.
Wei Ying’s slurs probably could be heard on the other side of the wall. "Coooome on Jiang Chengie! Just lend your shirt for a couple turns."
Here's another fact – Jiang Cheng is also slightly intoxicated. He isn't one of the batshit crazy suicidal drunks who jump from every high piece of furniture they lay their eyes on (Huaisang), or the insufferably clingy ones (Wangji), but like any other he's still bound to do stupid shit under the influence of alcohol.
So he takes another shot and decides to fuck it.
He ignores the whistles that circulate the living room when he tosses his shirt over to Lan Xichen's face – he could care less if it fell directly upon the guy's face. A shiver races along his spine. He's fucking cold and he's not living for it.
"Ah, sorry if I stretch your shirt." Lan Xichen apologizes in advance, how dare he be able to laugh at the situation. Jiang Cheng's eyes fall to the man's torso area and he understands – the black fabric is stretched across the Lan's broad shoulders, but falls loose around the waist area. Of course he goes to the gym. Of course.
Jiang Cheng is usually polite. "If you weren't my senior, I would have punched you in the face."
Lan Xichen is blinding. "Just my luck then."
Jiang Cheng's nephew's very first birthday is about to come up, and he'll be damned to hell and back if he doesn't come up with the best birthday present an uncle could offer. He doesn't tell anyone but Wei Ying that he's aspiring to be one year old Jin Ling's favorite uncle – no he will be Jin Ling's favorite uncle, Jin Guangyao can suck it. The child will be ruined to smithereens in Jin Guangyao's grasp – he'll be spoiled and end up as equally as obnoxious as the other Jins and he will not allow his older sister's baby to grow up with someone so nasty.
He's in the baby section of the local bookstore when he spots him.
Just barely you could see the top of his head – Lan Xichen flipping a page from a tea catalogue (typical), and this time an umbrella is tucked under his arm. Jiang Cheng decides he's going to blatantly ignore the guy and continue on his quest on finding a children's book that doesn't have Barbie or cars on the front page cover, and prays that whatever weird curse he's under will miraculously go away.
"What are you doing in a fucking pet shop." Jiang Cheng wants to scream.
Lan Xichen is good-natured - he's digging into a sample of rabbit tidbits. "Oh, Wangji's rabbits need some food."
"Of fucking course." He mutters and he's pretty sure Lan Xichen can hear him.
And those aren't the only times they meet – they meet in the grocery store at 1:00 AM, cross paths on the sidewalks on the way to the park on Thursday. Jiang Cheng is confused and frankly pissed – his rivalry with the fucking fates has to stop soon before Lan Xichen starts appearing at his house as the pipe plumber. It's all so eventful, like the storyboard of a romcom but without the actual romance. Jiang Cheng's life as a whole is just one big comedy revolving around his failures and inadequacy to get laid.
Wei Ying calls him one day, urgent. "Jiang Cheng! Emergency! I need roses like right now."
Jiang Cheng had barely started brushing his teeth. "No."
"Pleeeeeeeeaaaassssseeeeeee! Pretty please?"
"What the fuck do you need roses for?"
"Oh man, I'm not sure if you'd want to know."
"You're right. I don't."
It is critically unfair for him to be unable to decline Wei Ying's any request – it's one of the many flaws he accumulated over the years in Wei Ying's area of Bad Influence. For a while he actually considers not going out and buying the roses, but he went on for 5 whole minutes before the guilt started eating him from inside.
He not really surprised anymore. The moment he steps into the flower shop he catches the growingly familiar broad stature of Lan Xichen amongst the growing daffodils, orchid tendrils in between the man's long and perfect fingers. The yellow and purple is a stark contrast to the pale unassuming tone of Lan Xichen's skin, but it's lovely.
Jiang Cheng steps forward, underneath Lan Xichen's outstretched arm. It's him this time that starts the conversation.
"Daffodils huh." He doesn't know much about flowers other than the fact that they're just pretty. His breathing comes off as more of huffs than regular inhale-exhale. He doesn't know what he's nervous about. "Saw you as more like a lily sort of guy."
Lan Xichen laughs – seems like he's not the only one who's been expecting the other. "I didn't know you saw me at all."
Jiang Cheng's face shifts as if to say, are you kidding me?
"It's true." Upon closer inspection, Lan Xichen is actually reaching for he unseen flowers behind the orchids – pale and blending against the soft of his wrist is the petals of a potted gardenia plant. Jiang Cheng briefly thinks that the modest flower suits the man better than the daffodil.
Jiang Cheng retaliates. "You're stupid if you think I don't see you. Everyone can see you. You’re practically perfect."
His original purpose was to find some roses – he knows this store has them, right in the farthest corner of the sixth aisle. It's amusing how his brain suddenly decided that now there were more pressing matters, like whether or not Lan Xichen truly was a daffodil, lily, lavender sort of guy. There's something about this time that feels so much more different than all the other encounters.
There is the snap of a flower stem. Jiang Cheng is distracted until he feels it right under his nose – a freshly picked gardenia barely grazing against the nub of his nose, in between Lan Xichen's poised fingers.
"Wha-" Jiang Cheng is lost and feels drastically stupid. He knows only a few things about Lan Xichen, but he knows that the man's worked in a flower shop before. Right before the Lans hit the jackpot, Qingheng-jun raised towers of camellias and lavenders before completely shutting down. Jiang Cheng isn't an idiot, he knows it supposed to mean something, but just doesn't know what.
"I know this might sound strange, and you have every right to refuse-" Jiang Cheng doesn't even have the chance to take the flower himself – Lan Xichen pushes it into his fingers and laughs wholeheartedly. "-but I'd like it if you went on another date with me."
Jiang Cheng's first instinct is to say no, but he glances at Lan Xichen's expression. It’s just as before, boring brown-toned eyes and pale lips. But this time he thinks he won't fight it.
The fates can mourn – he too has a chance at love.
"Are you enjoying this night, Jiang Cheng?" There isn't an inkling of annoyance in his tone of voice, it's just a plain question. Lan Xichen is just smiling in the way he always does – accepting, warmly.
Jiang Cheng sighs. "Yeah."
He half-expects for Lan Xichen to burst out in laughter, but he doesn't. "Me too."