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“You nervous?” Phil asks, looking around the waiting room of the shop. It’s nicer than he’d thought it would be. Cleaner. No scary death metal playing, but the sharp buzzing sound in the background is definitely a little unsettling.
And he’s not even here for himself.
Dan chuckles and puts his hand on Phil’s thigh to stop it bouncing. “Nope. And you don’t need to be either, yeah?”
“Pfft. M’not.” He keeps his own hands shoved safely inside the pockets of his fleece lined denim jacket so Dan can’t see how jittery they are.
Dan gives Phil’s thigh a quick little squeeze before pulling his hand away. “I’ll be fine,” he says, voice dropped down low and soothing. “I’ve done this before.”
Phil smiles. He knows he’s being ridiculous, but that’s something he excels at after all, worrying. And worrying about Dan especially. Usually his fears are more about psychological pain, but today he has to watch his boyfriend get a hole poked in his face. His lovely beautiful face.
“It’s not too late to change your mind you know,” Phil says. “We could still make a break for it.”
Dan leans in a little closer to Phil and asks, “You don’t think it’ll be cute?”
“You’re already cute. You have a cute face and a cute nose.”
“My nose looks like a potato,” Dan argues.
“Your mum looks like a potato.”
“I’m gonna tell her you said that.”
Phil bumps his knee into Dan’s leg. “You better not.”
“Then tell me I’ll look cute with a nose ring!”
Phil chews his lip thoughtfully and uses the opportunity just to admire. It’s been three years now and he’s still no closer to being immune to the butterflies that take flight inside him when he looks at Dan.
He does look very cute today. He’s wearing tight black trousers and white shoes and a bright red hoodie, the toggles of which are pulled tight and tied up in a bow. He’s wearing the little gold triangle earrings that Phil loves so much and his hair is extra curly because he hasn’t had it cut for a couple months. He’s very, very cute.
And of course he’ll look cute with a nose ring. Dan would look cute to Phil no matter what, because he’s Dan. “You will,” he says, after realizing he’s probably taken way too long to answer.
“Gee thanks. I knew I should’ve brought Jimmy instead.”
“No, you will,” Phil assures. “Of course you will. I just… don’t know if I can watch.”
“Maybe you should just get one too,” Dan teases.
Phil full on snorts. “Yeah. ‘Cause I could totally pull that off.”
Dan cocks his head to the side and pretends to take an appraising look at Phil’s face. “Hmm.” He squints. “I reckon you’d actually look hot as fuck with a lip ring.”
Phil rolls his eyes. “I’m literally more likely to get a bloody tattoo.”
“Ooh, let's do that instead,” Dan says. “Matching ass tattoos or something.”
Phil opens his mouth to retaliate when a woman with long black hair and both arms sleeved with tattoos comes out from the back and smiles at them. “Ready?” she asks.
Phil’s heart rate kicks up a little but Dan smiles back. “Yup.”
“Come on back. You bringing some moral support along?”
Dan looks at Phil, grinning. “Unless he’s chickening out.”
“I’m not,” Phil insists indignantly. “Let’s go.”
Dan follows the woman, who tells them her name is Maisie, and Phil follows Dan. Maisie brings them to a little booth with a padded chair and a wheeled stool and a desk covered in all kinds of things. Dan sits on the chair and Maisie on the stool and Phil stands awkwardly in the corner, silently also wishing Dan had brought Jimmy.
“So you want your nose pierced, right?” Maisie asks.
“Yep,” Dan answers. He sounds so calm.
Maisie wheels backwards and grabs a glass box from inside one of the desk drawers. It’s full of studs and rings of all shapes and sizes and she holds it out for Dan to choose what he wants. He points to a tiny looking gold hoop without a moment’s hesitation. Phil’s not surprised; they’d spent the better part of a whole evening the other day sat next to each other on the sofa googling photos of nose rings to find just what Dan was looking for.
“Classic,” Maisie says approvingly. “Good choice.” She puts the box down and pulls on a pair of gloves and starts preparing a little ball of cotton wool with some kind of cleaning solution. She rolls forward. “Which side?” she asks.
Dan points to the right and she cleans his nose and Phil wonders if Dan is feeling as terrified as he is right now.
Dan must sense it. When Maisie rolls back to her desk to make whatever final preparations she needs to make, Dan turns to Phil. “C’mere,” he says softly. He holds out his hand and Phil steps forward to take it.
He squeezes too hard, but Dan squeezes right back. “I’ll be fine.”
Phil just nods. He has the brief moment of panic he always has when they touch each other in public, but he schools it. They’re allowed to do this. He looks down at their intertwined fingers and the contrast Dan’s dark blue nail polish makes against the freckled ivory of Phil’s skin.
“Who’s supporting who here?” Maisie teases.
Phil chuckles sheepishly but he clings to Dan’s hand like a vice.
“Ready?” Maisie asks. She’s holding an intimidatingly long needle and Phil has to look away quickly so as not to panic.
“Mhm,” Dan hums. It’s possible he sounds slightly nervous now. “How bad is this gonna hurt?” he asks. “I got my ears pierced like ten years ago so I’ve kind of forgotten.”
“It’s not that bad,” she assures. “It just looks scary.”
“I’m closing my eyes,” Phil blurts before doing exactly that, squeezing them shut so tight his face scrunches up a little.
Maisie laughs. “I’ll tell you when it’s safe.”
“Cheers,” Phil says weakly.
“Alright, ready, mate?” she asks again. Dan doesn’t make a sound so Phil assumes he’s just nodded his agreement. “Ok, three, two—”
There’s a sharp intake of air and Dan all but crushes the bones of Phil’s hands for about twenty seconds and then Maisie says, “All clear, buddy.”
Phil opens his eyes and looks at Dan. Even before he thinks to look at the nose he looks at those chocolate brown eyes he knows so well and sees that they’re a little wetter than usual. “You alright?” he asks, voice pitched up a little with concern.
Dan laughs shakily. “Yeah. But Maisie, you straight up lied. That hurt like a bitch.”
She shrugs with mock innocence. “Oops. You survived though, didn’t you?”
“Barely.”
Phil’s still looking at Dan’s eyes when Dan says, “Well? How does it look?”
“Oh.” Right. Nose ring. Phil’s gaze flicks down and he takes in the delicate little golden crescent of metal. It looks perfect, like it was always meant to be there. “Really good,” Phil murmurs. “It’s so you.”
Dan’s face lights up. “Really?”
“It is,” Maisie agrees, holding a little mirror up to Dan’s face so he can see for himself. “You really suit it.”
Dan studies himself for a minute and then grins. “Beauty is pain, right?”
“Sure is,” Maisie says.
Phil can’t stop staring at Dan as Maisie gives him detailed instructions on how to help his new piercing heal and keep it clean. He hopes Dan is paying attention to those instructions, because Phil really isn’t.
It’s odd how such a little thing can make such a huge difference, but it does and it really is perfect. It’s so perfectly Dan, a little edgy, a little surprising but also pretty.
He has that thought then, the one Dan tells him fiercely that he’s not allowed to have whenever he makes the mistake of voicing it, the thought that he can’t quite believe Dan is really his. Sometimes it still feels like a dream.
He’s still stealing glances when they’ve made their way outside and are walking down the pavement in search of a non-Starbucks coffee shop.
“Phil, stop that.”
“What?”
“You’re staring at me,” Dan says. His cheeks are pink from the bite in the late October air.
“I didn’t expect it to look so good,” Phil admits.
Dan laughs. “Tell me how you really feel.”
“I’m trying to tell you you look pretty.”
“Well thanks,” Dan murmurs. He steps in closer as they walk and slips his hand in to close around Phil’s in the pocket of his jacket.
Momentary panic melts into pride and warmth and happiness and all the good things he feels knowing Dan is his, as unbelievable as it may feel sometimes.
“So,” Dan says after a moment, grinning. “Ass tattoos next?”