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Steve was intrigued by Peter’s new team mates and he asked Peter if he could meet them properly and Peter turned him down flat.
“They are embarrassing and unstable,” he explained.
Steve pointed out that Sam and Buck were embarrassing and unstable in that order, but Peter held his ground.
“We, between us,” he said gesturing, “Currently have mutual respect. I’m not willing to jeopardize that.”
Steve hummed agreeably and told him that that was fair, but if he changed his mind, he would be grateful if he’d let him know.
He asked Buck if he knew who Peter’s new team mates were after softening him with coffee. Buck didn’t know Peter had new team mates. Then, after he did know, he wanted to know what the fuck two grown-ass men were doing making a team with a teenager.
Steve shrugged and took a sip of coffee.
Buck frowned at him. Then frowned at the coffee. Then frowned at the ceiling. Then said fuck it and broke out the laptop.
Sam found out and wanted to know why the fuck two grown-ass men were teaming up with a teenager. He used the phrase “I smell a fucking rat.”
Deadpool was the most straightforward, unstraightforward person Steve had had the pleasure of internet stalking. Buck decided he wanted to fight him. Sam decided for Buck that he didn’t want to fight him without him or Steve as backup.
Buck then took the laptop away to execute some Winter Soldier Skills which involved breaking multiple privacy laws.
They’d known that Deadpool was the Merc with the Mouth, but they learned that Wade Wilson lived at a shitty hole in the wall in Manhattan and worked internationally now. He’d last been seen wreaking havoc in Beijing.
They found some videos online of him working with Peter. The comments on them were extremely entertaining. Peter and Deadpool made a surprisingly good team in combat, and Steve learned that Peter was far more tolerant than he’d given the kid credit for. The videos included Deadpool harassing Peter in an awe-inspiring variety of ways, from dropping to one knee to hand him shit (an actual brick in the video) to picking him up and physically shaking him to emphasis a point. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be any kind of sexual harassment there and Peter didn’t seem hurt or even scared by any of it. Sam said he’d believe it when he saw it with his own two eyes.
Peter punched Deadpool exactly once in the videos they found.
Apparently, his bullshit threshold did not extend to persons wailing Don’t Stop Believing at top volume in his immediate vicinity.
Daredevil was a ghost and had so little internet presence that Buck had to go lay down on the floor for a little while to soothe the frustration which arose from trying to research him.
There were two videos of Spiderman working with Daredevil and one of them included the whole team. Daredevil evidently wanted to maim Deadpool, according to Sam anyways. Sam cited that the way he looked at Deadpool as proof of this. It reminded him of a gal he dated a few years back whose sister had replaced the communal sugar with salt three times in one week. It was an expression of impending violence and vengeance.
Steve wasn’t so sure. He thought that maybe Daredevil was just uneasy around Deadpool.
Buck took one look and sided with Sam. He would know; he’d been the bastard who unscrewed the heads of salt shakers in his family.
As a team, the guys seemed to more or less get along. Their styles of fighting shouldn’t have worked, but they did. Their offense and defense looked reasonably planned, so it seemed like there was a line of communication there.
Sam maintained that it wasn’t kosher for two adults to be running around bashing heads in with a minor. Buck asked if it would be better for a teenager to be running around bashing heads in with other teenagers. The jury was hung on that one.
Steve asked Peter if he could meet the other two again a few weeks later. Peter looked physically pained while considering the request.
“Double D is really private, so I don’t think he’d be down,” he said, then he frowned hard enough to draw lines in his young face, “I’m pretty sure it’s one of Wade’s dreams to meet you. Which means I cannot allow that to happen under any circumstances.”
He wouldn’t say why, he just repeated that he could not let it happen.
Buck told Peter he wanted to fight Deadpool. Peter told him that Deadpool would probably fight him if he paid him enough.
Buck told him he’d think about it.
Peter reported back that Deadpool had stated that he had no interest in fighting Buck, but he was open to the idea of fucking if Buck was down.
This was not a desirable result to Buck and he went to lay on the floor and pout for a little while about not getting his way. Sam went and laid on top of him twenty minutes in to ruin his strop.
Daredevil was, in fact, extremely private and when Steve and his team ended up joining Team Red on a rooftop in Queens, the only thing that kept Daredevil from fucking right off the side of the building was Deadpool who caught him in a headlock and walked him backwards away from it.
He and Peter never called Daredevil by his codename. They called him ‘Red’ and ‘Double D’ and occasionally ‘asshole.’
Steve asked him what he’d like to be called.
He said ‘gone,’ and tried to jump off the roof again.
Deadpool caught him and told him to stop embarrassing them in front of Captain America.
Peter told them after the mission that those two had been on their best behavior.
Sam said that he had negative feelings about the fact that Deadpool had tried to shoot a guy through Daredevil and that this was considered ‘being on their best behavior.’
Deadpool had zero boundaries and Peter apologized for him on multiple occasions after he felt up Steve’s ass in front of both his boyfriends and an entire team of supers.
Steve didn’t regret formally meeting the guy, but he did have a much better idea of Peter’s definition of ‘best behavior.’
Peter got hurt.
The guys who hurt him showed up with fewer teeth and missing fingers in Stark’s foyer. They couldn’t decide which one of the remaining Red duo composed that piece.
They found out it had been Daredevil and he wasn’t sorry, despite Peter’s well-meaning attempts to get him to say he was.
About as far as he got into being apologetic was when he admitted that they hadn’t had those fingers when he’d found them.
Peter confirmed Sam’s claim that Daredevil and Deadpool were locked in some kind of personal battle of wills. Peter called it an ‘alpha-male dominance thing’ and described it thusly:
“Wade doesn’t even care, and Double D always ends up getting sat on.”
“Has he ever not gotten sat on?” Sam ventured. Peter was confused.
“What, like you mean has Wade ever lost?” Sam shrugged at the possibility.
Peter gave him flat eyebrows.
“Wade will never lose.”
“You don’t know that, Pete.”
“No, trust me. Wade will never lose.”
Steve got to see one ‘alpha-male dominance thing.’ Daredevil went down hard and fast.
Deadpool looked bored.
Steve thought that Peter was misunderstanding what was going on. It didn’t look like a dominance thing to him, it looked like Daredevil had found an exciting, new challenge and just couldn’t help trying his luck every now and then.
An alpha-male kind of jerk wouldn’t pat his opponent’s thigh to let him up after being sat on for five minutes.
Peter turned up one day and asked Steve why he and Sam and Buck had been cyber stalking his friends.
“Not cool,” he stated with a glare.
Steve was only sorry they’d gotten caught, but he apologized and explained that they’d been concerned for his safety and then things had gotten a little out of hand.
“Wade would never hurt me,” Peter argued, “Double D wouldn’t either. I trust them.”
He sounded so sure of it.
“Of course,” Steve soothed, “But just in case something did happen—”
“They’d never hurt me. They’re my friends,” Peter interrupted.
Sam somehow teleported from the studio to the foyer. He leaned casually against the wall.
“Sorry, I just smelt grooming and had to come investigate,” he said.
Peter glared.
“They’re. My. Friends. They aren’t grooming me. Wade’s got some creepy thing with his dead girlfriend and Double D is in gross, old-people love with his best friend. And anyways, they’re both shitheads like 80% of the time just because they can be. What makes you think I’d want to be around that more?”
Steve consulted Sam’s eyebrows for further action. They said ‘sounds fake, but keep talking.’
“Okay, Pete. As long as you’re comfortable. Just know that if you ever feel–”
“Yeah, yeah. In danger of physical or mental harm. Say something, whatever, I got it. Mr. Stark already gave me this talk, can you all stop? Or at least coordinate?”
Steve tried to hide a smile with the back of his hand. He promised they’d stop stalking and coordinate all adult 101 talks with Stark in future.
Peter left grumpy and irritable, but Steve felt a little better having gotten it out in the open.
Buck asked if anyone knew about Shuri’s latest crush.