Archive of Our Own

We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.
― André Berthiaume

Iron Man was a masterpiece, a work of art, Tony’s honest to god pièce de résistance. It didn’t even matter that no one knew it was him inside the suit, because they all knew he built it, and that it was his genius that put another superhero on the Avengers’ roster. Iron Man flew like a dream, he fought like a nightmare, and the suit looked damn fine while doing it. However… Iron Man was not designed for fighting in close quarters while surrounded by highly flammable material, and the fantasy section of one of the biggest libraries in the city certainly ticked both of those boxes.

Honestly, of all the places they’d had calls to Assemble— when JARVIS had said there was an emergency in the Mid-Manhattan Library, Tony had been expecting angry hackers or psychotic college students or maybe a ghostly librarian that sent P.K.E. levels off the scale. He had not been expecting to see his clandestine boyfriend flicking through the pages of novels in the fantasy section, not actually doing anything other than scaring away a couple of nerds.

For god’s sake, when Loki had said the night before that he was going to collect an old spell book, Tony thought he’d meant from Alfheim or something, not from a library in good old New York.

Of course, all that had changed the moment Loki realised that the Avengers had tracked him down, and in moments the casual leather had shifted to battle armour (minus the helmet, but that was probably also due to the space restrictions) and the Avengers had been forced to hide behind shelves as daggers flew through the air with deadly precision.

Tony was hardly able to do anything other than act as a shield, unable to effectively use Iron Man’s full capabilities among the shelves– though to be honest, that suited him quite well. He may fight with the Avengers and he may be willing to put himself in the line of fire to stop civilians from coming to harm, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to hurt Loki. He wasn’t going to actively, properly fight against the one person who made him feel like he was worth a damn.

They’d been dating for almost a year, and fucking for something near double that. It had started with Loki showing up to cause trouble at one of SI’s promotional galas but finding more entertainment in the equally bored inventor himself, and it continued with heated nights that meant nothing more than a satiation of matched desires. Tony, to Loki’s knowledge, was not an active member of the Avengers but he funded the team, and he was the mind behind Iron Man. They were on opposite sides, and they thought they could keep it distanced, but things got a little out of hand when they started waking up to sweet kisses that lead to nothing more than soft smiles, caressing for the sake of the touches themselves rather than as a lead up to anything else. And then Tony had started pulling his punches in fights with Loki and doing his best to never actively engage, managing to remain subtle enough that Avengers never called him out on it, though Loki did sometimes make a few offhand comments about how Iron Man seemed to be slipping. Somewhere along the line it reached the point where Tony could quite comfortably admit to himself that he was head over heels for the bastard, and there was no way in hell he’d be able to raise a hand to him after that. Not unless the whole fucking world was on the line, and even then Tony knew he’d still be seriously conflicted.

So rather than firing up the repulsors Tony kept Bruce updated on the coms, assuring him that it wasn’t a Code Green, and placated Thor into staying outside to keep the police from storming in. He directed Natasha away from tottering bookcases, and shouted at civilians who got too close with their insta-ready smartphones, even grabbing a few and flying them down through the open space in the middle of the building to the ground floor. And he did throw a single blast in the vague direction of Loki when the god threatened some nearby teenagers, but Loki danced out of the way with ease, and Tony never did anything more direct.

“On your right, Cap!” Clint shouted from his position near the top of a cleared bookshelf, and Steve dove out of the way of the dagger that almost landed in his shoulder.

“Be careful, you heathens,” Loki growled as Clint sent his bookcase careening off balance as he jumped to a new perch. “These books contain important knowledge!”

Clint narrowed his eyes and leaned down to examine one the books on the shelf below him. “The Chronicles of Narnia? Are you telling me that magic lampposts actually exist?”

“I think Loki ended up in the wrong section,” said Natasha, holding up a copy of The Fellowship of the Ring that had fallen on the floor at some point during the scuffle. “Besides, Clint, the lamppost wasn’t magic. That was the whole point.”

“I am not in the wrong section,” Loki snapped, forcing Natasha to move back again as he lashed out with another blade. “The librarian told me that this is where I would find the books on magic, and I know she was not lying.”

“Enough!” Steve said. “Loki, stand down! You’re outnumbered, and if you do not wish to cause more damage to the library then you’ll come quietly.”

“I think not,” Loki replied. “I may not have recovered the book I came here for, but that does not mean that I’ve had my fill of fun.” A sly grin formed on the curve of his lips. “Maybe we should relocate to a place with less precious books? The children’s library, perhaps?”

The spark in his eye informed Tony that Loki was not serious, and that the power he began to collect around himself would probably take him back to the private penthouse in Avengers’ Tower. But the others didn’t know Loki well enough to see through the dark taunt and they leapt forward into action, bullets flying now that the civilians had been cleared and shield soaring over the balcony and down onto the ground floor, redirected with a flick of a wrist and a flash of magic. Tony, as the only one in the room with flight capabilities immediately fired up his boots and jumped down to grab it, keeping an eye on the fight through the security cameras, watching as Loki began to glow green.

The transportation spell was almost complete when the plaster roof fractured and littered rubble to the now thankfully empty ground level, and Thor blasted in from above with an almighty roar, no longer able to remain outside when his brother was threatening children. Perhaps if Thor had seen the smirk he might have realised the jest just as Tony had, but he hadn’t, and instead of contrition Thor met Loki head on with anger and rage and a sharp crack of electricity.

The bolt of lightning hit Loki square in the chest and he was thrown backward, crashing into a bookcase and knocking over the row like dominoes. Tony’s eyes widened and he froze inside the suit, the shield falling from his grasp as his gaze caught on the prone tangle of leather and limbs amongst the smouldering books. He waited for the dark chuckle, for the responding taunt, for Loki to get back up and escape like he always did.

But Loki didn’t move.

“Nice shot, Thor,” Clint congratulated, standing from where he had clung to his bookcase as it crashed to the ground.

“Nat, would you like to do the honours?” Steve asked, and Natasha pulled the thin cuffs scrawled with Asgardian runes from her belt. They didn’t look like much, but Thor had assured them all that they would lock Loki’s magic away for as long as they remained in contact with the mage’s skin.

Tony was moving before he had even fully comprehended the action, pushing past Natasha and crouching beside Loki, his metal fingers instinctively reaching for a pulse that he wouldn’t be able to feel through the suit.

“He still lives, Sir,” JARVIS reassured him, displaying life-signs on the HUD, but a twitch of Loki’s head as his chin flinched away from the cold metal rendered the action unnecessary.

“Iron Man?” Steve asked cautiously. “What are you doing?”

Tony paid him no attention, reaching across Loki to take the god into his arms. He knew that this was dangerous, that he probably wouldn’t walk away unscathed– that after this, Iron Man’s time with the Avengers would be finished. But he also knew that if he left Loki to the tender care of SHIELD, his lover would be the one to bear the scars, and that was something that Tony couldn’t condone. He’d never leave Loki in the hands of Nick Fury. Not ever.

“No,” Loki moaned, trying to pull away from Tony’s grasp even only half conscious. “Leave me be, mortal.”

The word was spat with such hate that Tony flinched, even though he knew that Loki had no clue as to with whom he was speaking. In Loki’s eyes, Iron Man was his enemy, and he was never going to go quietly. But Tony knew that Loki wouldn’t be able to transport himself out magically before Natasha could reach them, and Thor was already raising Mjölnir. Tony didn’t have time to be gentle.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” Tony muttered, and Loki’s eyes opened in shock and confusion for a moment before Tony cracked his gauntleted fist down on Loki’s skull. The god went limp once again, and not wanting to waste another moment Tony gathered him in his arms and leapt out over the balcony.

“Iron Man!” he heard Steve shout, and he could feel the charge of more electricity in the air but Tony had JARVIS mute the coms, and then he flew out of the hole that Thor had made earlier, the lightning bolt harmlessly connecting with the remaining edge of the roof.

This probably wasn’t the best idea that Tony’d ever had, but when presented the choice between standing with his teammates or saving what little remained of Loki’s sanity? Well, that was hardly any choice at all.

-—=•=—-

When Loki woke, he did so with gasping breath and a sudden jerk. Tony was at his side in an instant, running a soothing hand through Loki’s hair, making sure not to dislodge the icepack Tony had guiltily laid against the bump on his forehead.

“It’s okay, Loki,” Tony soothed, but Loki shook his head, throwing the ice pack to the side and scooting back against the armrest of the couch Tony had laid him on. His eyes were wide, wild with fear and darting around the room.

“No, no, no,” he muttered, pulling his legs into his chest. “What– where—“

“Loki,” Tony said firmly, reaching out again. Loki’s eyes focused on Tony’s face, and he sighed in relief when he saw a flash of recognition in them. “It’s okay, you’re safe,” Tony repeated, and Loki finally relaxed into his touch.

“Anthony?” Loki asked weakly. “You– Iron Man took me, where—“

“You don’t need to worry about him,” Tony said, tightening his hold. “Not ever.”

Tony didn’t really want to play it off anymore. He’d just betrayed the Avengers, he couldn’t have declared for the other team more openly than he had. Besides, Loki deserved to know, and Tony didn’t want to hide the truth from him any longer. Even if he had wanted to, he knew it was no longer an option. Even injured and in pain, Loki’s eyes were bright and sharp, and Tony could almost see the intellect whirring behind them. Loki had always been a master at piecing together any kind of puzzle, and honestly? It was a wonder that Tony had managed to keep it hidden as long as he had.

“You…” Loki started, his eyes narrowing as he gazed up at Tony’s careful expression. “You’re Iron Man.”

Loki’s voice was blank, and Tony wasn’t sure what to make of it. So he merely nodded in response– short and wary, but direct and honest.

“You’re Iron Man,” Loki said again, firmer this time, his tone burning with something dangerous. “You didn’t just make the suit, you actually wear it. All this time—“

“Yes,” Tony cut in, jerking his head in a harsh nod once again. “I haven’t told them that though, and they don’t know you’re here. Do not think that I have betrayed you.”

“You lied to me,” Loki snarled, ignoring the words and pulling from Tony’s hold, his face twisting in rage. “All this time, you have been lying—“

“I didn’t have much of a choice,” Tony snapped, the anger in Loki’s expression igniting everything he had felt due to the long deception. “What could I have done?”

“You could have told me,” Loki snapped back.

“And for what?” Tony asked. “Loki, for what? I am sorry that I lied, all right? I am, god, it’s been burning me up that you didn’t know about Iron Man, because the suit really is a big part of me. I know you knew how important it was, but you didn’t know all of it, and I wanted you to, because sometimes I feel like you’re the only one who understands me and the fact that you didn’t know this was agonising. But I couldn’t tell you because– because I thought that if you found out that I had been lying to you? I thought that you’d probably leave, because that’s what I would deserve. But I couldn’t face that, I couldn't chance that you'd go, and I'm sorry.”

Loki leaned back a fraction, his hard expression crumpling just a little. “You cannot… It’s not the lying itself that I am truly upset with,” he whispered.

Tony blinked. “What?”

“I can understand the lying,” Loki repeated, letting out a single, broken laugh. “More than anyone, I can understand that. And I might have forgiven you for it, but for the fact that my ignorance may have caused you pain.”

Tony frowned. “I don’t get it,” he admitted.

“Don’t you?” Loki asked. “I always thought Iron Man weak. I always thought his aim to be off, his strength to be insufficient. I know I have commented on it to you, but you never made improvements to the suit at my recommendation. I know now…” Loki laughed again, this chuckle even more broken than the first. “You were holding back, weren’t you? Because you did not wish to hurt me.”

“Of course I was,” Tony said, still confused. “Loki, I may have been fighting with the Avengers, but I never would have truly tried to fight you. Surely today proved that?”

“It is not your actions that I am condemning,” Loki snapped. “It is the fact that you never allowed me the opportunity to pay you the same respect.”

Tony was still frowning, still not quite getting it. He might have understood if Loki had been mad that Tony was pulling his punches– it was in Loki’s character to be insulted by the insinuation that he wasn’t capable of looking after himself. But that didn’t seem to be the case, and regardless– of course Tony had been pulling his punches. Never mind that he always felt his heart in his throat whenever any of the other Avengers had managed to get a hit in, if something were to happen to Loki and he were the cause of it, Tony didn’t think he would ever be able to—

Oh.

The pain in Loki’s eyes was devastating, and Tony couldn’t stop his feet from bringing him forward to pull Loki in close. Loki flinched away again but this time Tony didn’t let that deter him, wrapping one arm around Loki’s waist and placing his other hand against the back of Loki’s head, holding him tightly but taking care not to make Loki feel restrained. He stroked Loki’s hair gently and it was only moments later that the god began to relax, curling into Tony’s chest, their bodies fitting together just as perfectly as they always had.

“I’m sorry,” Tony whispered, pressing his lips softly into Loki’s hair. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“But you did,” Loki stressed, clutching at Tony’s shirt and probably destroying it, but Tony couldn’t bring himself to care. “What if I had killed you?”

“You haven’t tried to kill the Avengers in a long time,” Tony pointed out, and Loki exhaled deeply.

“No,” he admitted, and Tony smiled at the trust it must have taken to admit that now that Loki knew Tony was an Avenger himself. “But I have fought tooth and nail to prevent my capture, and I would have torn any of you apart before I let myself fall back into the hands of the Allfather. Even without that, you know as well as I that battles are never safe, no matter how little either side truly wishes harm.”

“You’ve never hurt me,” Tony pointed out. “Well, I had a few bruised ribs from being thrown into a few buildings and I did break my arm that one time, but you healed it for me afterward.”

It probably hadn’t been the best thing to say– Loki looked stricken.

“I remember that,” he groaned. “You told me you had injured yourself in your workshop.”

“And you healed me,” Tony stressed again.

“If I had known,” Loki said, “If I had not been so blind, you never would have been hurt in the first place.”

“I should have told you,” Tony admitted. “I am sorry.”

“And what now?” Loki asked. “What will you do now that I know?”

The words were spoken almost bitterly, and Tony could understand the emotion behind them. Loki wasn’t used to being first choice, to being the person that someone actually wanted to be with as opposed to simply being used or having company by result of association. It was something Tony had thought they’d moved past, though he wasn’t surprised that the day’s events were bringing it back to the surface.

“I said earlier that I haven’t– that I won’t betray you,” Tony said firmly. “I mean it.”

“You would turn from your friends?” Loki asked. “Truly?”

“I would turn toward you,” Tony replied, then immediately winced at the sappiness of it. “Okay, no. I need to rephrase.”

But it was too late to take it back, and Loki was already breathing a laugh, shaking in Tony’s hold.

“You truly are a wonder, Anthony Stark,” Loki snickered. “To be in possession of so much intellect, and yet—“

“That sounded suspiciously like a compliment,” Tony cut in. “Besides, it’s not my fault that you’re so distracting.”

“Oh, am I?” Loki asked, his eyes flashing with desire as he pulled away from Tony just enough to sit up straight, allowing him to lean in from a different angle. His breath ghosted over Tony’s lips as his chuckles faded to whispering exhales. Tony lifted his chin expectantly, but Loki paused just a moment away from a kiss.

“I cannot change who I am,” Loki warned him, their lips a hairsbreadth apart. “I did not think you minded before, but now that I realise— Anthony, I cannot change myself, and I am not sure that I can be a person someone like you will stay with. I am not good, not like Thor, or your Captain.”

“I know who you are,” Tony said firmly. “I’ve always known, and if it hasn’t stopped me so far, what makes you think it ever will?”

“Before, you were just a mad scientist with a questionable moral code,” Loki said, and Tony did his best to remain unoffended. “Now, you are a hero.”

“I’ve never been that,” Tony denied, but when Loki pulled back an inch so that Tony could get the full effect of his glare he knew that Loki needed the reassurance. “I may have been an Avenger,” he reiterated for what felt like the hundredth time, “but I have been on your side from the moment that this thing that sits between us moved beyond just fuck buddies. I am the same person today that I was yesterday, and you know that I have never been truly good. Sure, I’m not about go on a villainous rampage but I won’t fight against you, either. I can still help people without the Avengers, and if they’ve decided that I belong in a cell for choosing you– well, fuck them.” Tony paused, and smiled softly when he saw that Loki’s conflicted expression was melting away. “You’ve always been the one that’s seen me more clearly than anyone else, and Iron Man doesn’t change that,” he continued. “So Loki, you tell me– are we okay?”

Loki’s answer was to press forward, meeting Tony’s eager lips in mess of hunger and desperation. Tony gripped him close, pressing in and kissing back with just as much vigour. They’d kissed before, of course, a hundred, a thousand times, but this was the first where Tony finally knew that Loki possessed every part of him, where he truly felt like neither of them were holding anything back. It was truly freeing, it was wild, and it was perfect.

“Yes,” Loki whispered against Tony’s burning skin, simply reaffirming everything Tony had already realised. “We are fantastic.”

Tony grinned and ducked his head to catch Loki’s lips once again, refusing to remain parted for any longer than necessary.

They were interrupted by the ding of the elevator, though the doors remained firmly shut thanks to Tony’s ever diligent AI.

“The Avengers wish to speak with you regarding the possible location of Iron Man, Sir,” JARVIS explained.

“They can wait,” Tony decided, leaning back in. Loki allowed it for a while, kissing Tony languidly like they had all the time in the world, but just when things once more began to get heated the banging at the door grew insistent, and Loki pushed Tony away.

“You should deal with that,” Loki said, gesturing to the elevator with a lazy wave, his expression a picture of innocence.

“You are such a bastard,” Tony groaned, unable to tear his gaze from Loki’s form and feeling more than just a physical ache at the thought of being denied the pleasure of his touch for the duration of the no doubt lengthy conversation he was about to have with his no-longer-quite-teammates.

“But you love it,” Loki replied, his trademark smirk firmly in place.

“God help me,” Tony sighed, and when Loki began to laugh, Tony leaned back in to capture Loki’s chuckles with his lips once again, more than willing to ignore the pounding on the elevator door for just a little longer.

Tony knew that he had definitely crossed a line this time, that Iron Man had probably already been branded a traitor, a villain, a criminal in league with a monster. But if it meant that he could have Loki happy and free – Loki, who knew all of Tony’s secrets - then by god, it had been worth it.