Chapter Text
It’s really unfair the affect Kim Taehyung has on Min Yoongi.
The way that Taehyung can make Yoongi beg for more just by pressing his warm lips to Yoongi’s throat. The way that every part of him aches with pleasure when Taehyung’s pretty mouth is wrapped around him. The way his heart fucking pounds so loud it hurts his skull when they kiss. The sound of Taehyung’s deep, dizzy hearted laugh. The way Taehyung smiles at him, reminding Yoongi that he is pathetically in love.
It’s also really fucking unfair that Kim Taehyung is not Min Yoongi’s soulmate.
Yoongi knows exactly when his relationship with Taehyung moved out of ‘just friends’ to ‘friends with benefits’. It was years after meeting Taehyung in Daegu. It was years after Yoongi realized that he had a massive crush on his younger best friend. It was only months after they moved in together in Seoul with Namjoon to get independence from their parents.
He isn’t exactly sure what changed. Only that one night when Taehyung came to cuddle with him, as he usually did, the look in Taehyung’s eyes had been different. Finally, Yoongi had given into years of wanting Taehyung.
But shortly after the two of them had started to fool around, Yoongi had promised himself he would end things with Taehyung sooner rather than later. But every time his self-imposed deadline came, he pushed it back in an act of self-destruction. For the last three years, Yoongi has been unable to quit Kim Taehyung.
That’s why he is here, his back pressed against the comforter and Taehyung crawling over the top of him, pressing wet kisses against Yoongi’s throat. He moans as Taehyung’s hand palms at his crotch. Goosebumps race down his spine in eager anticipation. No matter how many times Taehyung has touched him, every time feels like the first time.
Taehyung’s fingers slide underneath the waist band of Yoongi’s sweatpants, prompting a soft moan that spills from Yoongi’s lips. He sees Taehyung smirk in satisfaction in the muted darkness of his bedroom. He hates how Taehyung knows just how much of an affect he has on him.
Yoongi’s hips move up toward the younger boy as Taehyung’s fingers wrap around him. Taehyung kisses up Yoongi’s jawline, the trail of kisses stops right before Yoongi’s lips. He pulls away and the look in Taehyung’s eyes is hypnotizing and intoxicating. Yoongi licks his own lips, craving to be kissed.
The younger ducks his head down, pressing his lips fully against Yoongi’s. It starts off slow, just like the strokes Taehyung is making on his dick. Yoongi bucks his hips, seeking more. Taehyung obliges, and starts to kiss him harder, faster, the pace of his hand increasing.
“Taehyung-ah,” Yoongi moans into Taehyung’s mouth. He needs Taehyung.
“Tell me how badly you want it.” Taehyung’s deep, commanding voice makes Yoongi forget that he’s the older of the two.
“More than anything I have ever wanted.” Yoongi hates the affect the younger boy has on him. How he melts for Taehyung and agrees with all of his desires.
“Beg.” Taehyung commands. He kisses Yoongi once on his bottom lip. He releases Yoongi, who squirms in dissatisfaction. “I like it when you beg for me.”
Yoongi folds to Taehyung’s demands. “Please,” he begs, his hips moving up toward the other boy. “I need it. I need you. I need you inside of me.”
Taehyung smirks, and wordlessly starts tugging at Yoongi’s shirt. He discards if over the edge of the bed. He removes his own, and Yoongi stares a little too long at his best friend. He is always amazed at how good Taehyung looks without his clothes on.
“Like what you see?” Taehyung teases, planting a garden of kisses on Yoongi’s neck and collarbone.
“Shut up.” Yoongi mumbles.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Taehyung coos, brushing over Yoongi’s lips before moving south. He pulls at Yoongi’s bottoms, removing his sweat pants and boxers in one clean movement. Yoongi is fully exposed to Taehyung, whose dark eyes always have a way of making Yoongi feel like he’s art. Because Taehyung’s bedroom eyes linger, and he chews his cheeks like he’s just seen something really nice.
It always gives Yoongi false hope that they aren’t just running on counterfeit emotions.
That the things he feels for Taehyung, Taehyung also feels for him.
Strong hands move Yoongi’s legs up, for better access to Taehyung’s self-proclaimed second favorite part of Yoongi [the first, Taehyung had told him on a drunken night, is his eyes]. Yoongi shifts, wrapping his own arms around his legs to grant better access. His breath hitches as Taehyung moves in, his wet tongue soft against Yoongi’s entrance. He moves it meaningfully, and slow against Yoongi, his hands on either side of Yoongi’s ass.
Taehyung starts to trace counterclockwise circles on Yoongi’s hole with his tongue, making Yoongi whimper. His mind going blurt and hazy. “Taehyung,” he moans over shallow breath. The older boy throws his head back onto the pillow in pleasure for a few seconds before returning to stare as the younger boy worked. There are only a few things hotter in the entire universe than watching Taehyung eat his ass.
Soon Taehyung’s fingers are pressing into Yoongi, thrusting in steady movements. He moves to hover over top of Yoongi.
“You like that baby.” Taehyung whispers into Yoongi’s ear. All Yoongi can do is nod weakly.
“Please,” he says after Taehyung works his fingers in and out of him slowly. “Please. I need you to fuck me.”
Taehyung kisses the side of Yoongi’s jawbone and pulls his fingers out. He makes haste, putting on a condom and rubbing a dab of lube on Yoongi’s hole. He pushes in slowly, thoughtfully as always. Careful not to hurt Yoongi.
Yoongi holds his breath until Taehyung bottoms out, only then does he let out a moan. Taehyung starts to thrust into him slowly, pressing cherry sweet kisses to Yoongi’s lips, groans spilling between their lips.
As Taehyung’s tip starts to brush against his prostate, Yoongi’s kisses grow more hindered by his moans. “Faster.” He begs.
Taehyung grins, and picks up the intensity of his thrusts, kissing at Yoongi’s neck. “Like that?”
“Just like that.” Yoongi manages.
“Fuck, turn over.” He instructs after a few minute. He kisses Yoongi, and pulls out almost painfully slow.
Yoongi does as he is told, turning over onto his knees and elbows, his head raised. He starts palming at his dick, stroking up and down on himself as Taehyung pushes into him again.
Taehyung grips Yoongi from both of his hip bones, thrusting into him with forceful clapping noises. The sound of skin on skin sends Yoongi’s head into a dizzying spin [as if Taehyung fucking him isn’t enough].
“Tae.” He chokes out, he can feel himself getting close and from the sound of Taehyung’s breath getting more inconsistent, he knows the other boy is close too.
“Fuck,” Taehyung mutters, leaning forward slightly. With one hand he presses Yoongi’s head into the mattress, his thrusts becoming unforgivingly hard [much to Yoongi’s pleasure]. The other hand comes up in front of Yoongi’s line of sight [much to Yoongi’s displeasure]. In full view of Yoongi is the black timer on Taehyung’s wrist. Like an ever changing tattoo as the minutes tick down.
00047:23:04
Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut to try to erase the image of the time. He tries to focus on Taehyung fucking him and how close he is. He tries to focus on Taehyung’s voice from behind him telling him to come. He does, in a sloppy mess into his own hands. Taehyung finishes not long after with a few uneven, powerful thrusts.
They clean themselves up, and get into bed with one another, Taehyung pulling Yoongi into his arms. He presses a kiss to Yoongi’s cheekbone.
It feels like home.
But Yoongi knows that he’s just a visitor in someone else’s paradise.
Because Taehyung isn’t his. And he never will be.
See the thing is everyone is born with a timer on the inside of their left wrist. It ticks down by the minutes until the very moment that one is supposed to meet their soulmate. The person that is the perfect fit for them in every way. The person is meant for them as decided by fate or divine destiny.
Everyone knows that their soulmate is the person they are supposed to end up with. But they build temporary relationships with others. Superficial relationships that don’t break their hearts’ surface. Because everyone knows that once they meet their soulmate they will move on from the temporary person they laid their heart with.
That is unless, they are born without a time.
Those people, the ones with all zeros grow up in a world where there is only one truth:
No one was made for them.
There are several running theories to why people are born with zeros:
- It’s a fluke. Like people born with hearts on the right side of their body. Sometimes it just happens. It’s the simplest explanation for why some people are born with zeros. It is the only solution that offers some sort of comfort. That there might still be a soulmate out there for them, they just have to look harder for them.
- Their soulmate hasn’t been born yet. It seems farfetched. Because no one has reported that their timer suddenly got time after years of nothing. Yoongi discounts this theory as being made up by silly teenagers who are scared to spend the rest of their lives alone.
- Their soulmate dies before the can meet them. This means that there is a soulmate meant for everyone. Just, some people die before they can meet their soulmates. This means that someone spends their life without the person that destiny created for them.
- They die before they can meet their soulmate. See number 3.
- They don’t have a soulmate.
Yoongi isn’t sure which theory he likes the best or worst. He supposes it doesn’t really matter though, because at the end of the day all of them lead him to the same lonely realization that Kim Taehyung isn’t meant for him.
Yoongi lifts himself onto the kitchen table, feet dangling off the edge as he watches Taehyung move around the kitchen. He knows that he probably shouldn’t let Taehyung make them breakfast—but it’s just toasting bagels. He can’t possibly mess it up.
Taehyung opens the bag of bagels and takes one out. His separates the two halves with his hands [Yoongi might be painfully distracted by the way his veins become more predominant on the back of his hands]. “Look—“ he holds either half to his eyes. “Imma bug!”
Yoongi shoots a gummy smile at Taehyung, who sends a rectangular one back.
It’s fucking horrible really. The way that Yoongi turns into fucking mush watching Taehyung dance around the kitchen, putting bagels into the toaster oven and cranking the timer on for likely too long. For Yoongi, this is better than the mind-blowing sex and deep throated blowjobs they sneak in at their mutual friend’s apartments. This is the part he adores the most. Feeling like a couple with Taehyung.
He knows it’s really fucking dangerous to play with his feelings like this. To pretend that they aren’t running on borrowed time until Taehyung meets his soulmate. But he can’t help it because he’s so pathetically in love with his Taehyung it makes him irrational in all the worst ways.
“Taehyung-ah.”
“Mmm?”
“Make sure you close the bag with the twist tie. Remember, Namjoon was really pissy about it last time.”
Taehyung throws a finger heart at Yoongi. “Always looking out for me.” He twists the bag shut before making his way towards Yoongi in odd lunges with his arms windmilling.
“What are you doing?”
“Dancing!”
“There isn’t any music Taehyung.”
“There is up here.” He taps his forehead.
“Freak.”
“Your the freakish one,” Taehyung says, placing a hand on either side of Yoongi, “smiling like a fool at me like that.”
Yoongi forces himself to frown, “I’m not.”
A bellied laughter comes from the other boy. “It’s ok. I like when you smile at me.”
Yoongi doesn’t say anything because he’s too chicken shit to admit all the feelings he has for Taehyung. Instead he just pulls Taehyung in by his shirt and kisses him.
“Good morning.”
Taehyung pulls away from Yoongi and they both turn to look at their other roommate, Namjoon who entered the kitchen.
“I see you two are getting an early start on the fucking festivities.” He says very nonchalantly. After living with the pair of them for the past several years, Namjoon had seen it all. Taehyung blowing Yoongi on the couch. Taehyung fucking Yoongi on the living room floor. Yoongi blowing Taehyung at that very kitchen table. So a little kiss on the lips didn’t even make Namjoon bat an eye.
“Way ahead of you boss.” Taehyung says as Namjoon moves towards the coffee pot.
“I know—“ Namjoon pours the coffee into his Harry Potter mug. “—I heard.”
Even though Namjoon and Taehyung were more relaxed about it, it still makes Yoongi’s ears burn with embarrassment. “Sorry Namjoon.”
Namjoon takes a banana from the fruit bowl on the microwave and shrugs. “It’s cool. You look like you’ve been attacked though.” He motions a banana gun towards Yoongi’s neck.
A hand flies up to his neck to cover the ‘love marks’ Taehyung had planted there.
“I forget how sensitive his skin is sometimes.” Taehyung pouts.
“Toothpaste and cold spoons.” Namjoon offers.
“Right, thanks,” Yoongi says as his roommate waltzes out the kitchen the way he came.
Taehyung wraps his arms around the back of Yoongi’s neck and pulls his head to his chest. “He probably hates us.”
“I doubt it.”
“Even if he did. It wouldn’t stop me from kissing you.”
And that’s what Taehyung does. He presses his lips into Yoongi’s, only pulling away at the sound of the smoke detector going off from their forgotten, now burned bagels.
“Oops.”
“How are you holding up?”
Yoongi shrugs weakly. “I am ok I guess.”
Jin frowns at his friend. Yoongi has always been a shitty liar. “You’re a shitty liar.”
“I know.”
“So it’s been—?”
“Pretty awful.”
Jin sighs. “I wish I could tell you it gets better. But, it doesn’t. It only gets worse.”
Yoongi pokes around his noddles with his chopsticks, his appetite dissipating. “Fucking great.”
“How much time is left?”
Yoongi shifts uncomfortably at the question. “I don’t wanna think about it.” Sad thing is, it’s really all he can think about lately.
“Fair enough.” Jin says. “I didn’t want to think about it towards the end either.” He frowns.
Jin isn’t like Yoongi in a lot of ways. He’s more immature, thinks too highly of his looks, and likes a lot of weird shit that Yoongi quite frankly doesn’t understand. But he’s like Yoongi in a lot of ways too. Like how they both have zeros printed on the inside of their left wrist. How they both sought comfort in someone with a soulmate. How they both got attached when they knew that they shouldn’t.
The feelings that Yoongi is going through with Taehyung, Jin had gone through about six months ago with a girl named Jennie. A girl who despite having a soulmate, Jin had fallen in love with.
Yoongi knows most of the story. The two of them met Freshman year of college, she had about five years left on her timer. Both of them had meant for a short tryst. One to last only a few months. But a few months turned into a year, and then more, and them moving in together, and even getting engaged, the wedding a few months after she was scheduled to meet her soulmate.
Then, everything fell right to hell for Jin.
Yoongi is quiet for a bit, chewing on his bottom lip. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“It’s sorta heavy.”
“It’s fine.”
“Ok, um—“ he thinks of the best, most eloquent way to say it “—how long after did she end things with you?”
Jin shifts in his chair, and frowns. “Um. I think it was over for us the moment she met him.”
“Oh.” Fuck.
“Yeah—“ Jin plays with his straw wrapper, as if to try to distract himself from the feelings swelling inside his chest, the ones Yoongi is sure are unpleasant “—she came home and things were like, different, distant. I could feel a shift in my galaxy and hers. Then she told me she wanted to see him again. And again. Soon she was with him more than she was with me.”
Yoongi frowns. “I am sorry.”
Jin waves it off. “It’s not your fault. I should have known better. But, you know what the fucking worst part was, is that when she was ending things, she told me that she felt more with him in the few weeks she had known him than in the entire five years we were together.” Jin tosses the straw wrapper on the table. He looks absolutely gutted over the whole situation.
Yoongi wonders if Taehyung would ever say the same thing to him. Though, he had been friends with Taehyung for so long that he hoped Taehyung would at the very least value their friendship [after all, that is the only official ‘relationship’ he has with Taehyung—friends].
“I’m sorry if I opened old wounds by asking questions, I just, feel like I am at a loss right now.”
“It’s fine. I am, I think, I am hurting less over things now.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah I try to do other things to take up my mind. VR games, cooking, I even took up knitting for awhile.”
Yoongi laughs half-heartedly. “Shit. She really did a number on you if you took up knitting.”
“She did.”
“So… does ‘hurting less’ mean you are still hurting?”
Jin frowns, but nods. “Yeah. Mostly because I was stupid enough to believe that all the things she said, about the soulmates thing not mattering to her and how she knew she’d only want me. It was what I wanted to hear, so I believed it even though I knew I shouldn't.”
A heavy sigh escapes Yoongi’s lips as he starts to stir his coke with the straw. “Do you regret it?”
“What?”
“Being with her.”
Jin is quiet for a bit, like he’s thinking about it all. “Honestly. I don’t know. I mean the heartbreak sucks, right? But it’s the closest to real love I’ll ever get. So maybe it was worth it? But maybe not because it wasn’t real for her. I don’t know.”
“Is there anything you do know?”
“I guess the only thing I know for sure is that I would end things sooner if I could do it over.”
Yoongi frowns. It’s the last thing he wants to hear, but he knows it’s what he should do. He’s known for years that it’s what he should do.
That night, the things that Jin and him talked about really fuck with him. When he’s home, he doesn’t go to Taehyung’s room as he usually does on late nights. Instead he goes to his own room. In bed, he pulls the blanket over his head, wishing that he could disappear.
As sleep is about to wash over him, he hears his door creek open and close shortly after. His heart begins to beat against his chest.
Fuck.
“Yoongi hyung.” The velvety, low voice is Yoongi’s personal utopia.
He doesn’t say anything. Maybe Taehyung will retreat back to his own room.
But Yoongi doesn’t get that lucky.
Instead, Taehyung pulls the blanket back and slips underneath, pressing cold feet to Yoongi’s bare ankles. “Yoongi hyung,” he whispers again, an arm wrapping around Yoongi’s waist and pulling him close. “Why didn’t you come to my room?”
“I thought you’d be sleeping.”
“I wasn’t—“ Taehyung nuzzles the back of Yoongi’s neck. “—and even if I was I would have woken up for you. I always sleep better when you are around.”
Yoongi rolls his lips together, trying to think of excuses that would satisfy Taehyung. But he comes up with nothing so he stupidly just says ‘ok’, or some variation of the word.
See the thing is, Yoongi knows that he should kick Taehyung out of bed. He knows that he should remind Taehyung that they aren’t soulmates. That they are not meant to be with one another. That it’s not fair to Yoongi to be with someone who can never fully be his. Because there will always be someone else.
But Yoongi can’t bring himself to say the words he know that he should. Maybe because he would be lonely without Taehyung. Maybe because he’s grown dependent on the other boy. Maybe because something is better than nothing. For whatever reason, he chooses not to say anything.
“What’s wrong?”
“Hmm?”
“You seem quiet tonight.”
“Oh.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah.”
“Really?”
“‘M fine.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“‘M fine Tae.”
“Was your dinner with Jin not good?”
“It was fine.”
“Yoongi,” Taehyung tugs at his shoulder, “can you look at me?” He pauses and adds, “please,” in a mildly desperate tone.
Yoongi rolls over to look at Taehyung. He can see the other boy’s face partially illuminated by the street lights peeking through the blinds.
“Are you ok?” Taehyung asks again, his fingers brushing across Yoongi’s cheek.
Yoongi isn’t ok. But he knows he can’t say that to Taehyung. “Yep.” He says unconvincingly.
“Yoongi hyung we have been friends for over fifteen years, I know when you are lying.”
“Really? What’s my tell?” Yoongi asks, trying to change the subject to anything that isn’t his feelings.
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Why not?"
“Then you will change your tell.”
“Good point."
“So, tell me, what’s on your mind. Why aren’t you ok?” Taehyung roundabouts back to his original question.
“I told you I am ok.”
“You’re impossible sometimes.” Taehyung says, and presses his cold feet to Yoongi’s ankles again. His fingers brush over Yoongi’s lips, and then his jawbone. “I just wanna make sure you’re alright. I hate to have you upset.”
Yoongi really hates how Taehyung says things like that. Things that make Yoongi hope that he will be the exception to the ‘you end up with your soulmate!!!!!’ rule. He really hates how Taehyung gives him false hope without trying. He hates that after Taehyung meets his soulmate, he isn’t sure how he’ll be able to resume just being Taehyung’s friend and nothing more.
“We can watch cute puppy videos until you feel better.” Taehyung offers. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong I guess. I just want you to smile.”
Yoongi laughs, and actually smiles at the offer. “Ok.”
They watch countless puppy videos on YouTube, until Taehyung is snuggled tightly up against his chest and drooling.
This is someone’s home. That’s all Yoongi can think for awhile.
But it’s not his.